Chapter 5-Chaos

This was probably the hardest chapter for me to write.

Oh, and for anyone who's curious from the previous chapter, I know that there really isn't a time constraint on using the butterfly miraculous, only on how many people can be akumatized at a time. But Gabriel always had those butterflies that he apparently raised himself, specifically for the purpose of creating akumas. Without knowing exactly how that works, I improvised on how to get more akumas.

"You didn't know."

The words rang in Adrien's mind, but he was too off balance to determine who had spoken them, or whether they had been meant as a statement or question.

It was impossible. It couldn't be. His father had died a hero, helping defeat Monarch. He couldn't have been Monarch. Ladybug, Marinette, had suspected his father of being Hawk Moth once, but his father had been akumatized multiple times. So, it couldn't be possible. This must have been something different between the two worlds. Not everything had gone the same, after all.

Trembling, Adrien turned to the only other being in that universe that knew anything about Monarch. He had been at the final battle with Marinette, helping her fight. Adrien himself had told him to go.

Plagg wouldn't meet his holder's eyes.

That was all the confirmation needed to crush the little bit of hope Adrien held to.

Adrien's head reeled, his breathing was coming in faster and faster, and his heart was beating at a ferocious pace. All of a sudden, Adrien couldn't feel his legs. But that didn't make any sense, because he felt as if the ground were sliding away underneath him. Or was it that the room was spinning? But how could he tell the room was spinning; he had his eyes closed didn't he? If they were open, why couldn't he see anything? Nothing made sense, he…he…

Two steadying hands suddenly gripped his shoulders, and Adrien looked up to meet a face that he was deeply familiar with, and deeply in love with. Marinette's expression was one of deep concern, and Cat Noir's expression was similar, albeit with much more sadness in it.

"It's going to be okay." Marinette said slowly. She spoke as if to a frightened child, or as if the one to whom she was speaking frightened her. "Adrien, can you take a deep breath for me?"

Adrien tried to do as she said, but a slow ragged breath was the best he could manage.

"Okay, good." Marinette reassured him. "Good. Now, why don't we all sit down?"

Cat Noir was a few steps behind Marinette, and he did as she instructed, trying to demonstrate the action. Perhaps he thought it would be easier for Adrien to do so if he was following the other two. His eyes never left those of his counterpart's.

Marinette stepped back, and slowly lowered herself to the stage floor. Adrien could feel himself trembling head to toe as he followed suit. He managed another ragged breath, then looked at the pair in front of him. Concern, compassion, and sympathy were etched into every inch of their faces at this point. Normally, he wouldn't have wanted them to feel any of those emotions for him, but at the moment, his heart and mind were so turbulent that he didn't care. Perhaps that meant they were right to show those emotions to him.

"Tell me everything." Adrien whispered.

The pair nodded, and then started to explain.

They took turns speaking, revealing how they had found the city of Paris being ripped apart by an Akumatized Hawk Moth. They spoke of attempting to stop him but being outmatched by his overwhelming power, and of Ladybug losing her miraculous. Marinette mentioned how she pushed an unconscious Cat Noir out of a devastating attack, but not completely. He had avoided a direct hit, but the blow had been enough to knock him out for a few moments. And additional hits had damaged his mask. That had disrupted the magic of the miraculous enough for Adrien to be recognizable underneath. Cat Noir seemed surprised by part of the story; apparently he didn't know that she had taken such a risk to protect him.

As the explanation went on, Adrien found himself breathing slightly more easily. The way they told their story helped him separate himself from the situation. That dissociation allowed him to hold himself together. Barely.

"And after he was able to recognize me, I think that got through to him." Cat Noir explained. "He de-transformed and collapsed in front of me. When I realized it was him and confronted him about it, he broke down and explained why he'd done it all." Cat Noir paused. "I doubt it's hard to guess what his motivation was."

Adrien's mind was still in shambles, but his counterpart was correct. It wasn't hard to guess what his father might have wanted to wish for. After all, as he himself had told Claw Noir, it was something he'd thought about wishing for.

"Mom?" Adrien asked quietly.

Cat Noir nodded. "He explained how much losing her had devastated him. I don't think I ever really appreciated how much he'd been suffering. Losing her broke me, and I'm sure it did the same to you."

Adrien nodded.

"But I always assumed Dad had just moved on." Cat Noir continued. "I didn't realize he was even more broken than I was. Maybe if we'd tried to understand each other a little better, understand how much we needed each other, it all could have been avoided."

Marinette scooted back to place her hand on Cat Noir's shoulder. He put his arm around her, pulling her close.

"We managed to recover the butterfly and ladybug miraculous from him after the fight, and I was able to repair the damage to the city." Marinette said, taking over the explanation. "Gabriel was arrested, and is serving out a three year sentence."

Adrien felt curiosity through the dense fog that lingered around his mind. "Only that long?"

Cat Noir shrugged. "Technically, he didn't do much lasting harm, since we were always there to correct things. And the legal system had a hard time dealing with crimes committed with a magical jewel."

Adrien sputtered out a small laugh. It felt wonderful and completely wrong to him at that moment. But he couldn't help himself.

Marinette looked at Adrien with considerable discomfort, but appeared to steal herself and asked. "From the way you two were talking about him last night, I'm guessing your father…?"

"Dead." Adrien said flatly.

Cat Noir and Marinette both bowed their heads toward him. "I'm so sorry." Marinette offered.

Adrien looked away, feeling a twinge of shame at their concern for him. "Thank you."

Cat Noir looked up, looking cautious, but also resolved. "If you're up to it, can you tell us how things went in your universe?"

Adrien looked to Cat Noir, then to Marinette, and then back to Cat Noir. He could feel his breathing was easier now, and his hands had stopped shaking. His mind was still fuzzy with shock, but perhaps talking would help to clear it.

And so, Adrien took a deep breath and began to tell them. He gave a more clear explanation of when senti-monsters began showing up, and how Hawk Moth had become Shadow Moth. He explained after Shadow Moth had gained the other miraculous he had started calling himself Monarch. He still didn't mention exactly how they had lost the miraculous, but whether that was because he was distracted or out of kindness to Marinette, he couldn't have said. He also explained how Nino had organized their class into forming a resistance against Monarch, in an effort to help Ladybug and Cat Noir. The pair in front of him were stunned at that revelation, torn between amazement and amusement.

Adrien even explained jumping through time using the rabbit miraculous, and how they'd nearly defeated Monarch twice after he gained the miraculous. Firstly when he'd used too many miraculous at once, and again at the wax museum.

Adrien froze as thoughts of that night's events caught up to him.

"I cataclysmed him." Adrien rasped. "I cataclysmed my own father."

"What?!" two voices cried out.

"It wasn't his fault." Plagg interjected. The kwami had been silent for some time, but apparently he felt the need to get this piece of information out. "He activated the power and held his hand over Monarch to try and keep him from escaping after Ladybug tied him up with her lucky charm. Monarch pushed himself into the attack to try and distract us all so he could escape. Unfortunately, he also took the lucky charm at the same time, so our Ladybug couldn't fix the damage." Plagg floated directly in front of Adrien's face. "It wasn't your fault."

As Adrien focused on the kwami, something finally struck him enough to clear away the fog that had muddled him. Plagg's words didn't chase away the guilt Adrien felt, but they did awaken another emotion that overshadowed that guilt. Adrien could feel it burning inside him. It had been smoldering under the surface, but the sight of Plagg right in front of his face had made Adrien remember where the kwami had been when his father had died.

"You knew." Adrien accused Plagg, his voice low with suppressed rage.

Plagg looked back at his holder, his expression a mix of guilt and concern as he floated higher trying to reassure his holder. "Kid, look I-"

"You knew." Adrien repeated, his voice growing louder as he climbed to his feet to face the kwami of destruction. "How could you not tell me this?" he demanded.

"It was to protect you." Plagg offered, somewhat lamely. "I didn't know until the last battle with him. I swear, I was going to tell you-"

"When, when did you think it would be a good time to tell me?!" Adrien shouted, his anger finally surging to the surface. "When exactly did you think it would be the right time to tell me that I'm responsible for my father's death!?"

"That's not what happened!" Plagg shouted back. "He made his own choice with the wish!"

That stunned Adrien into silence. Everyone in the room looked to Plagg for an explanation, even Tikki. Plagg looked around at them, and seemed to realize he had no choice but to explain. Still, he hesitated.

That hesitation spurred Adrien to speak. "What do you mean about the wish?" He asked, trembling again. He looked at his counterpart. "I was out of commission for the final battle, so I sent Plagg to support Ladybug. I thought she defeated him."

"She did, and she didn't." Plagg explained. "She managed to get the upper hand in their fight, but dropped her guard at the end and lost both miraculous."

Marinette and Cat Noir both gasped. Plagg nodded.

"He ended up making the wish, but it was different than what he'd said he wanted earlier. Healing himself from the damage done to him from the fight at the wax museum, restoring your mom," Plagg nodded to Adrien, "and some other things that aren't important. But Ladybug, she'd managed to get through to him, at least a little, during their fight. He'd been saying that he was doing everything for you, but-"

"He what?!" Adrien yelled, anger rising again.

Plagg nodded again. "But Ladybug was sure he was just telling himself that. After he finally figured that out, he ended up making the wish."

"But what wish did he make, why did he end up dying?" Adrien begged, trying to gain control of himself.

"I'm not completely sure." Plagg admitted. When he saw the skeptical look on his holder's face, he hurried on. "I mean it. When sugar cube and I combine, Gimmi takes over, so I'm not completely sure what happened with the wish. You'd need to re-summon Gimmi to find out exactly what happened, and you'd need to merge me with the sugar cube of our universe, before you get any ideas. We can probably put our heads together to figure out what he wished for, but if I had to guess, his life was the cost for the wish."

Adrien's anger was starting to fall back to a smolder. He could still feel it, a seething flame of rage that he would need time to process. A rage that was directed at multiple people, not just the kwami in front of him. But for the moment, that flame was less a white hot blaze and more of a dull burn, overpowered by his need for information.

Adrien felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see his counterpart. "It looks like Dad wasn't beyond saving in either of our universes." Cat Noir said, comfortingly. "If he had a change of heart at the end, then he was still our father, deep down. The same way I was able to get through to him here, it looks like your Marinette got through to him too."

Adrien felt another hand on his other shoulder. He looked over to see Marinette smiling gently at him. "I don't know our Gabriel Agreste very well, except from media posts and things like that. But if he could have made a selfish choice, but instead chose to do something selfless, well, that says a lot about your father."

Unfortunately, Marinette's words, no matter how truthful or well intentioned, directed Adrien to focus on her. And in so doing, directed his thoughts toward his own Marinette. His own Ladybug.

The flame that had started to calm immediately soared as Adrien realized what his Marinette had done. She lied to me, he thought. The girl he loved had lied to him about his own father. What did all this mean? Did Marinette not trust him with the truth? Had she told other members of the team? For a time she had confided more in Rena Rouge, Alya, than she had confided in Cat Noir, so it wasn't impossible that other people knew the truth.

"Adrien, I don't know why exactly my counterpart kept this from you," Marinette said, clearly reading his expression, "but I can make some guesses."

The fire inside Adrien started to build higher, and he stepped back and swatted her hand away from him. "What? Does she think so little of me? Does she not trust me?" He nodded his head toward Cat Noir. "Do you think so little of him? Or do you not trust him?"

"Don't talk to her like that." Cat Noir snapped, stepping forward, but Marinette held him back.

It was too much, seeing the concern in Marinette's eyes, and the anger started boiling over in the form of tears overflowing Adrien's eyes. Other emotions came with it. Betrayal, frustration, fear, hurt, and guilt.

Marinette seemed unfazed by his anger. She just calmly continued. "It was none of that, I'm sure."

"She's right." Plagg said. He floated down in between the trio again. "Your father's last request was that Ladybug let you remember him as a good father. There's probably more to it than that, and like I said, I don't remember everything that happened, but I do remember that part. He never wanted you to know."

"He probably never wanted me to know what I'd done to him!" Adrien shouted back. He knew he was being irrational, his emotions all over the place, but in that moment, he didn't care. Anger like he'd never known burned within him, and his guilt was starting to climb again too. Guilt over what he had done to his father with the cataclysm. Guilt over not knowing that his father had been Monarch. Guilt over not being there at the final battle to help.

Adrien had been angry with himself for that last one for some time now, especially given what he had thought had happened to his father. He had been sure he might have been able to make a difference in the battle. And now he had proof to support that belief, considering that his counterpart had managed to stop the Gabriel Agreste of this universe.

"It's my fault." Adrien whispered, the guilt overpowering his anger in that moment. "It's all my fault." he cried as his knees seemed to buckle underneath him and he fell to the stage floor. That didn't stop him, however, as soon he could feel his fist hitting against the stage. Two black covered hands seized his arms after the first couple of swings, and despite the rushing in his ears, Adrien distinctly heard the words "Tikki, spots on!" and then felt two more hands grab hold of him.

He tried to wrench himself free of their grips, but while transformed, they were much stronger than he was. They must not have been expecting him to struggle so fiercely, however, because his anger pushed him to unbalance them all to the floor.

As all three of them landed on the stage, Ladybug and Cat Noir shifted to grappling holds on him, immobilizing his arms and legs.

"Let me go." Adrien commanded them, his voice almost unnaturally calm. He could feel a dull pulsing pain in his right fist in that moment, just now registering how hard he had been hitting the stage. The red splotch of blood further testified how lost in his emotions he had been.

"Not until you've calmed down." Ladybug answered, almost as calmly, shifting to pin both of his arms with one of her hands.

Adrien didn't want to be calm. His anger at Plagg had kept him from transforming right away as they grabbed him, but in this situation, he had no alternative. "Plagg-"

Before he could finish the transformation passcode, Ladybug used her free hand to cover Adrien's mouth. She likely would have grabbed his ring instead, but in their current position, that wasn't feasible before he would have finished transforming.

Adrien tried to continue struggling, but without his powers, that was completely futile. Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on his breathing to calm himself, but the position he was in made that challenging.

He wasn't sure how much time passed that way. Eventually, however, he opened his eyes again, and could see both Ladybug and Cat Noir much more clearly than he had remembered them being before. Was I really so angry that I couldn't see straight? Adrien wondered. The pain in his hand came more into focus as well. That clarity allowed him to see the questioning look on Ladybug's face. Nodding slightly, he indicated that he was in control of himself. Well, more than he had been, anyway.

Moving slowly, both heroes released their captive and backed away. Getting to his feet, Adrien addressed them both. "I'm not freaking out anymore, but I need some time alone to think about all this, to digest all of this."

Ladybug looked to her partner; her expression made it plain that she didn't like this idea, but Cat Noir put a hand on her shoulder. "If that's what you need right now, then okay. But make sure you check in regularly. I'll change back as soon as we leave, so you can go out as Cat Noir if you need to. Just try to remember that you're not really alone, okay?"

Adrien nodded.

Adrien paced around the stage for hours after Ladybug and Cat Noir had left. Well, after they'd exited through the skylight. He was pretty confident his counterpart had waited for a while on the roof of the building, listening for sounds of him hitting something else. It was what Adrien himself would do in that situation.

Neither Adrien nor Plagg said much. Adrien's anger toward the kwami was still fresh, but now that the shock of Monarch's identity had worn off a little, and Plagg had given more of an explanation regarding his silence, Adrien had been more civil.

"Ladybug is the guardian. She makes the rules. More importantly, I watched and listened as you cried yourself to sleep for days, kid." Plagg had reminded him. "You were in so much pain over losing him. I planned to tell you right away, but after witnessing that, I couldn't bring myself to add more on top. And I don't think I'm the only one who felt that way."

Plagg's less than subtle allusion to Marinette had brought a fresh wave of anger toward the girl, and after forcing out the words "I understand", Adrien had fallen silent. The kwami followed suit, drifting off to some dark corner of the theater. Adrien wasn't sure if the words were true or not, but that was the best he could do at the time.

Marinette was another layer to Adrien's state of emotional turmoil. As Plagg had suggested, she had obviously concealed the truth out of concern for him; he wasn't so frustrated as to be oblivious to that. But at the same time, did she think so little of him as to think that he couldn't handle the truth? And was her concern her only motivation or was there more to it? And whatever her reasons were, what right did she have to keep this from him?

Confusion regarding Natalie weighed on his mind too. She had changed so much in the past few weeks and months. They had grown so much closer. And yet while he didn't know for certain that she knew about his father, Adrien couldn't imagine that she didn't. And if she did, then Natalie was one more person who was lying to him.

His guilt over what he had done to his father was still in the mix of emotions too. Plagg had said that the cataclysm wasn't what caused his father's death, but it might have contributed. Monarch had been trying to make a wish from the start, but the damage of the cataclysm might have pushed him to greater desperation. Adrien remembered when he had been on the receiving end of that power; the pain had made it hard to move, like his entire body was falling to pieces. If his father had experienced a similar level of pain, could that have driven him further toward madness?

And that was the final piece of what was tormenting Adrien in that moment. Why had his father gone so far, caused such chaos, to get what he had wanted? Adrien could understand his father's motivation; he too would have given almost anything to have his mother back. But to be willing to hurt people, to use them the way he had; that was something Adrien couldn't wrap his head around. Had his father genuinely lost his mind?

It wasn't as if he and Ladybug had never given him a chance, either. On Heroes day, Ladybug had offered Hawk Moth the opportunity to do the right thing, and use the power he held to change the world in a positive way, and reached out to him. But he had attempted to akumatize them both despite her overture.

Adrien had thought about trying to find his father in this universe and confronting him, to try and find answers, but he realized there would be no point. His counterpart had already confirmed his father's motivation in this universe, and the Gabriel Agreste that had become Monarch was a completely different person. The Gabriel of this universe couldn't tell Adrien anything he didn't already know.

The pain at the loss of his father had been terrible; now both of his parents were gone. But the pride he had felt at his father's sacrifice had made it so much more bearable. Believing that his father, who had always been so isolated and condescending, had sacrificed himself for the good of others was something Adrien had felt inspired by. Losing that inspiration made the pain of loss return in full force.

Hours passed that way, with Adrien's head going in circles. Night fell, judging by the lack of light through the hole in the ceiling. Adrien didn't think to check his phone for the time. He thought to turn more of the lights in the building on, and while exploring found a backstage area big enough to lay out the sleeping bag his counterpart had brought, along with the mini-fridge and showers his counterpart had mentioned. He had the presence of mind to make sure to leave out cheese for Plagg to munch on when he got hungry; he hadn't seen the kwami for hours. Adrien himself hadn't felt hungry since his counterpart had left, but he nibbled on one of the pastry's from earlier, if only to keep his energy up.

Eventually, though, the whirlwind of emotion took its toll on Adrien. He didn't know how late it was before he crawled into the sleeping bag, but he guessed it was well after midnight. And with his mind still swirling with feelings of uncertainty, betrayal, anger, and confusion; the young hero fell into a troubled sleep.

"You look like moldy cheese. And not in a good way."

Adrien rubbed his eyes. He hadn't slept well, and Plagg's comment made him feel like moldy cheese in addition to looking like it. His dreams had been vivid, mostly revolving around his father turning into Hawk Moth and the terrible things he had done. Adrien had woken several times throughout the night, until he had finally fallen into a fretful sleep. When he had finally risen for the day, he had been surprised to find that it was nearly noon.

After he pulled himself out of the sleeping bag, he spotted a small shopping bag filled with more pastries and a few other foodstuffs, and a folded piece of paper, clearly left by either his counterpart or this world's Marinette. Adrien ate one of the pastries gratefully, he was hungry after not eating the evening before, despite his stomach still feeling like it was in knots. But he couldn't work up the nerve to look at the note yet, or to check his phone.

Looking at the kwami made Adrien think about how he had reacted the day before. He was still frustrated with being kept in the dark, but a little shame for his behavior was mixed in with that frustration. Plagg had been there for him when he had lost his father, in some ways even more than Natalie or Marinette. He had seen Adrien at his worst, and had done what he could. Adrien needed to remember that.

"Hey." Adrien said roughly. Clearing his throat, he continued. "I'm sorry about how I-"

"It's okay." Plagg interrupted. "This whole thing is a shock for you, I get it. Anyone would have reacted-"

"It is not okay." Adrien interrupted back, forcefully. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "I owe you and my counterpart an apology. And I owe an even bigger one to this world's Marinette. I shouldn't have acted like that toward any of you, and I especially shouldn't have taken out my anger at my Marinette on her." Opening his eyes, he faced Plagg. "I'm sorry for shouting at you and losing control like that yesterday. I shouldn't have done that."

"Apology accepted." Plagg said easily. "And I'm sorry too. We kept the truth from you, and whatever our motives were, we were keeping you in the dark. I don't think Ladybug and I were wrong to worry, given how much you've been through, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a terrible thing to do."

"This whole situation is like having a wedge of limburger stuck some place you can't reach in your home." Adrien said, making an attempt at humor. "There's no good way to handle it, and everything stinks."

Plagg gave a relieved laugh, then suddenly pulled a face. "Hey, are you insulting cheese? That's blasphemy as far as I'm concerned."

Adrien gave a sincere laugh. It was small, but it felt very good to be able to do that.

"So," Plagg started nervously, "are we okay?"

Adrien smiled, feeling good to be able to do that too. Holding out a piece of camembert that had also been in the shopping bag, he said, "More than okay." His smile lasted as Plagg happily swallowed the piece of cheese, but then fell as Adrien started to think of the other people in his life.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Plagg asked.

"First things first." Adrien stated, getting a whiff of himself. "I think I need to get cleaned up."

Fortunately, his counterpart had thought to bring an extra set of clothes along with the sleeping bag, and as promised, the theater had bathrooms with showers backstage. The hot water and soap made a large difference as Adrien mulled over his situation. He couldn't really resolve anything, beyond apologizing to his counterpart and the local Marinette, until he made it back to his universe. Confronting his Marinette would need to be the first order of business after he did so. And likely, he'd need to speak with Natalie as well. It seemed absurd to him that Natalie wouldn't have known what was going on.

As he stepped out of the shower, he realized that was another layer he needed to ponder. Natalie was in the process of adopting him, and he had considered her part of his family for some time. If she had really known what was going on with his father, and had still kept him in the dark, then she wasn't the person he had thought she was. He wasn't sure he wanted to be adopted by someone like that.

After dressing in what he realized were entirely new clothes (coming from a fashion designer's family had its perks) Adrien sat himself in one of the theater's seats with a sandwich in hand and started to think. Unlike the previous day, where his thoughts were scattered and wild, his mind was somewhat more refreshed and ready to try and make sense of everything. Talking to Plagg, and forgiving him, made him realize that he needed to come up with a plan to confront the people in his life. That was the only way he was going to be able to make sense of everything. Marinette and Natalie were at the top of that list, but Felix also came to mind. He would have gotten the peacock miraculous from Adrien's father, which meant he had to know his father had been Monarch.

He didn't come up with any plans himself, but luckily, he knew someone who was better at coming up with plans than anyone else. And while he couldn't ask her, he could ask her counterpart.

Before anyone comments about it, I know that Gabriel couldn't have wanted to keep Adrien from knowing the truth to keep him from finding out that Adrien had cataclysmed him. I added that line deliberately to help show how upset Adrien was at the moment and how he wasn't thinking clearly.

And so Adrien has taken the first steps toward confronting the knowledge of his father's actions and those of the people around him. What advice can this universe's Marinette offer? Will she be able to help him come up with a plan? And will it help when Adrien inevitably confronts his loved ones? Only one way to find out.

See you next time!

~Sneak Preview~

Then she needs to find a different partner.

I'm not sure it's wise for me to answer that.

You two are both completely ridiculous.