Previously- (HA! As if you could forget!)

"Fenris?" she asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Will you…. kiss me?"

He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly, but by the way she was looking down at the floor, and biting her lower lip, he concluded that he had indeed heard her right. To say he was surprised was an understatement, but it wasn't as if he hadn't thought of it before, he had just assumed it wasn't what she wanted based on the way she treated him, and had moved on.

He stepped closer to her, lifting her chin with a finger, waiting until she was looking at him. "Are you sure that is what you want?" he asked. She still looked uncertain, but she nodded.

"I'm still not sure what I want, but it may help me figure some things out," she replied. He had to respect her honesty. She wasn't throwing herself at him like Isabela had, she wasn't flirting or complimenting him as others did. She simply asked that they try something, to see if there was more, and though he was slightly disappointed in her answer, he couldn't fault her for that.

He could always refuse. After all, he didn't really think of her that way any longer, she was his friend, his chosen sister, but if he was honest with himself, he would regret not trying.

He stepped closer, taking her hand and placing it up around his neck as he used his other to pull her closer by her waist. "All right then, we shall try," he whispered lowly, and bent his head to take her mouth with his.

He kept his mouth soft, exploring where normally he would demand and take, wanting to give her the time she needed. He heard her sigh, and felt as she surrendered to him, and was more surprised that he felt no need to press his advantage.

The longer it lasted, the more he felt for her, but as he brought the kiss to an end, and pulled back to look at her, he realized that his pulse was steady. He reached up to grab her wrist at his neck, checking her pulse as he brought her arm down, and finding it the same as his.

He brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. "Did you find any answers?" he asked softly.

"I really wanted that to work…" she mumbled, and he smiled.

"It wasn't unpleasant," he said with a smirk.

"No, it was very good," she replied. "But it wasn't what either of us were hoping it could be, was it?"

"No, it wasn't."

She brought her hand up to his face. "I love you, you know that, right?" she asked, and he nodded. "I just wish I was in love with you. It would make everything easier. Maybe we just need more testing?" she asked with a smirk.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a hug. "You deserve far better than I."

"No such thing," she answered, before clearing her throat, and stepping back. "Things aren't going to be weird now, are they?"

"Only if you make them weird," he answered, going over to the table.

"You know I'm coming to you any time I need a kiss now, right?"

"Ah, yes, like that," he said, and they laughed. "Should we work on your letter, or my reading?" he asked, and had her grinning.

"You choose."

Over the next week, Cat continued to avoid Hawke and his schedule, not sure of how to continue working with him. It wasn't as if any specific thing had happened, but any time she thought of him, she became irritated.

Instead, Cat spent each day with a different member of the group, wanting to get to know them individually. She had been so surprised with both Fenris and Anders, that she felt it would be a disservice to the others if she didn't get to know them as well.

She went shopping with Fenris, buying books and supplies as they needed, to continue in their reading and writing practice. He helped her draft out her letter to Duran, until she had a copy that looked good enough to send.

The next day, she spent with Merrill, visiting the Viscount's garden, and collecting herbs to sell in the market, so that Merrill would have money for food. She brought Merrill to the clinic and introduced her to Olivia, hoping that they would bond as well, since they both needed more friends.

She even went to visit with Aveline, and ended up joining in some sparring fights, helping to teach some humility to her guards. They weren't used to sparring with someone who fought dirty, and she ended up fighting several fights too many, since every guard seemed to want to challenge her.

That evening, she waited until after dinner, and headed into the Hanged Man. Looking around, she didn't see anyone she knew in the common room, so she walked up the steps and knocked on Varric's door.

"Well hello there," Varric drawled as he opened the door and saw her. "Long time, no see."

"Sorry about that Varric," she replied with a guilty smile. "I had some things that I had been neglecting."

"Oh really?" he asked, gesturing for her to come in. "I didn't realize how short on herbs the city was, that you felt you needed to rectify the situation all by yourself."

Cat gave him a dirty look, "Anders needed some, Merrill needed food money, and taking care of Isabela isn't cheap either," she said quickly.

"Uh-huh." He replied dryly. "So I guess I'm next on the list of friends to spend time with?"

"Varric… it's not… I mean… ugh. Don't be like that."

"I don't mean to give you a hard time, Cat. But we all miss you, you know. And, no one knows why you've stopped coming around, though we can all guess who the culprit is."

"No… no. There's no culprit, it's just… some things I need to figure out."

"Can I help?" he asked with a smile, and Cat felt much better.

"You are a great listener, Varric, I'm just afraid I'll read it later in one of your stories…"

"Ouch," he said "Can you go ahead and pull that dagger out of my back?" he asked with a pout.

She laughed, and reached over to pull an imaginary knife from his back. "I actually didn't plan on spending much time, since I wasn't sure if you'd even be here. But… I do have a couple of things for you, and I'd also like a favor."

"All right," he said curiously. "Which is first?"

"There once was a dwarf," she said, and the smirk he gave her just made her smile, knowing she was about to wipe it off. "Whose younger brother was so jealous, he killed their older brother, and framed him for the deed. His father was so upset, he banished the dwarf, never to return home."

"Could be any number of people…" Varric mused.

"So, in his travels throughout the land, he came upon people that were strong and cunning, and invited them to join him on his journey, which they did. Little did this dwarf know, there was also a contract out for his life, by none other, than the Antivan Crows," she added, smiling as she watched him trying to figure out the identity of the dwarf in her tale.

"At the same time, there was a Crow, who took the contract, and traveled to find the dwarf and reap the benefits of his death. He hired mercenaries, and scoured the land to find him, and having found a clue, took his group and set a trap."

"You have a flair for suspense," Varric praised, now leaning forward.

"The time had come. The trap was set, the dwarf and his companions were almost caught, and the mercenaries waited to spring it. What happened, however, was something that no one expected."

She paused, and Varric gave her a cross look. "If this is punishment for what I said before, I don't like it."

She grinned and continued. "The dwarf's group stopped, as a screaming woman ran directly into their path. The mercenaries looked on in shock, uncertain as to what had happened, then decided to simply charge forward and fight.

"The assassin, however, headed straight for the woman, cutting down his own mercenaries as they tried to kill her along with the dwarf, for you see… he had sworn to protect the woman from harm."

"Wait, what?" Varric asked, not seeing the twist coming.

"When all was done, the mercenaries were dead, the assassin was captured, and the dwarf questioned the woman, to no avail. He turned instead to the assassin, asking why he had tried to kill them, and why he had turned on his own men instead. The assassin answered, that he wanted to die, but because of his pride, couldn't simply take his own life. Instead, he had to find a fight he was certain to lose, but when the woman had shown up, he had no choice but to save her."

"This is a strange story," Varric commented.

"The assassin knowing they would kill him, asked that they take care of the woman, but instead, the dwarf invited them both to join him on his journey."

"Why?"

Cat ignored the question, as she was almost finished. "The dwarf explained that he needed the best fighters he could find, and that all needed to band together against their common foe. He held out his hands in welcome, if the assassin and the woman would accept it, and said, the grey wardens needed all the help they could get."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Varric said, holding up his hands. "Two questions. One- is this true, and two- if it is, why are you telling me?"

"Why? Really? After all this time of you asking for my story, you're asking me why?" she replied incredulously. "And yes, of course it's true."

"You've been very closed mouth about all this, kitten." He looked shrewdly at her. "You're going to ask me to keep it a secret, aren't you?"

"Well, yes. It's not something that I want out there, because the people are quite famous now, and-"

"Famous, now?" He interrupted. "Andraste's…. wait. The woman was you?"

She nodded.

"And the Grey Wardens…" she could see his mind putting the pieces together, and she smiled as she waited. "You travelled around with the Hero of Ferelden?" he asked, his jaw dropping.

"Well, can you blame me for keeping it quiet?" she asked, leaning her elbow on the table, and putting her chin in her hand. "I don't want to cause them any trouble, or have people stopping me all the time to ask questions."

"I suppose I can understand that…" he replied. "So why now?" he asked.

"I guess, I want to be friends. Better friends, anyway, and that can't happen if I close myself off. I can't promise to give you all my stories, but I can be more open. Now that you know who my friends were, you'll understand my stories when I share them, even though I won't be giving many details."

"I get it," he replied. "The one you just told was good, but once I knew it involved the wardens…" he stopped and smiled at her. "I knew you had something good to share. Of course this only makes me more curious."

"Of course. But, this also brings me to the favor."

"Wait, keeping this quiet was the favor."

"No, that's just the incentive. You blab, and no more stories."

"Cruel, but it does the job. What's the favor?" he asked.

"Now that the Blight is over, Duran and Alistair are the senior wardens in Ferelden. In fact, Anders confirmed that Duran is the Warden Commander, and that they have a base in Amaranthine, as well as Soldier's Peak in Ferelden. I was hoping, that you could help me get a letter to him."

"Is that all?" he asked with a grin. "You sure are easy to please, kitten."

"Is that my nickname then?" she asked. "You've used it a few times now."

"It's the temporary substitute," he replied. "I can't find the right one."

"You know, back home everyone called me Rina," she said, and his eyebrow winged up.

"You don't say…"

"Yeah, in fact, Duran was the one who started calling me Cat. But Zev, he didn't call me by my name at all."

"What did he call you?"

"Little dove, or my dove, most of the time. Sweetheart or something like it if he was upset with me."

"Knowing you, that must have pissed you off," he said, with a grin, and Cat sighed.

"You want to use it, don't you."

"Now that I know, I can't not use it," he reasoned.

"You are not allowed to call me little," she said.

"Little dove…little dove….yeah, it's perfect."

"No one gets to know where it came from, though Issy will know already."

"Give me some credit," Varric said with a smirk. "She'll never know we had this talk." He held out his hand and she placed the letter in it.

"Thanks Varric," she said genuinely. "It's nice having you for a friend."

"Don't go soft on me," he said, but she could tell he didn't mean it, and she grinned. "Do me a favor, and go visit Blondie next, would you?" he asked.

"Anders? Why?"

"Let's just say, he needs a friend," he replied. "I'll get this taken care of, little dove, and let you know if there is a response."

"Just don't read it if there is," she warned as she stood up.

"You enjoy wounding me, don't you?" he asked, walking her to the door.

"It is rather enjoyable," she said, as she gave him a hug. It put his face right in her breasts, but she didn't care. "Oh, I almost forgot," she said, releasing him, and digging for a pouch in her pocket, and handed it to him.

"What's this for?" he asked.

"I wanted to invest in your expedition," she answered, and turned and walked away with a wave. Looks like I need to head to Darktown, she thought, as she headed out of the tavern.

"I don't know what's wrong, and he won't tell me," Olivia whispered to her as she let Cat into the clinic. "Maybe he'll talk to you," she said optimistically.

"Maybe," Cat mused, walking over to him. "Hi Anders," she said, and he looked up glumly.

"Oh, hey Cat," he replied, looking down again.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked, seeing that he was obviously not himself.

"Uh, no… not really," he replied, looking over at Olivia.

"Hey Olivia, will you be okay if I take Anders out for a little while?" she asked loudly, and Olivia answered immediately in the affirmative. Anders balked, but Cat pouted and he gave in rather easily.

"If you don't want to go anywhere, we can just find a place to talk, but something is obviously bothering you," Cat said once they left the clinic.

"Yeah, and maybe I do need to talk about it," he replied. "I'll walk you home," he said, and they started towards Lowtown. Cat remained quiet, until she finally stopped and gave him a questioning look.

"You don't have to talk about it with me, if it's personal," she said.

"It's not that," he replied, looking uncomfortable. "I'm just… disagreeing with Hawke about something, and I don't want to add to what you're feeling…"

"Oh, no problem then," she smiled. "I'm pretty much over it."

"Oh?" he asked.

"Yeah, in fact I just came from Varric's, and I gave him the letter to send to Duran. I had to share a little about Duran, and how I knew him, and I realized that you all are my friends, and I need to trust my friends."

"I'm glad to hear that," Anders said, smiling back at her. "Well, you probably are already aware, but we went out today, following directions from a letter that Hawke received about some mages that were in trouble. Most of us thought it was a trap, but we went anyway, in case it wasn't."

Cat pulled his arm, and they started walking again, and he continued. "It turned out a templar named Thrask is the one that brought us there, hoping that we could convince the mages that were hiding from the templars to surrender peacefully, or they'd be killed."

He sighed heavily, "I found out afterwards, that he was Olivia's father, which is why I didn't want to speak of it in front of her. I suppose he thought he was being generous by showing a bit of kindness, but it actually is worse. His own daughter, Cat! How could a father be so callous, to his own daughter?" He ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath to calm down.

"Once, I thought I would have children, I had big dreams once I had finally managed to escape the circle… but not anymore. Hawke has no idea how lucky he was…"

"You would be an amazing father!" Cat said happily at the thought. "You're a kind and patient man, and besides, you're getting plenty of practice now."

He looked at her, perplexed, before he understood, and smiled ruefully. "You mean with Olivia? You know, I didn't feel old before, but I do now, so thanks for that."

She laughed, and he chuckled, though he quickly became serious again. "We went into the cavern, Fenris and Carver, even Aveline trying to convince Hawke to just kill the mages. There were animated skeletons all over, so we knew at least one of them was using blood magic. We even came across a young apprentice who was running away from the group because of it."

"What happened?" she asked.

"When we found them, the mage, a man named Decimus, attacked us on sight. He refused to listen, summoning more and more things with his blood magic. Finally Hawke stood in front of him and said, 'If nothing short of killing you will stop this, then so be it.' and he killed him."

He seemed to not see where he was going as he spoke, so Cat steered them towards her home. "The other mages swore they had not done blood magic, and I agreed that we should help free them, and tried to convince Hawke of the same," he continued.

"It was simple, kill the templar, and they could run. Better one templar die, than so many innocent mages. If the templars saw evidence of blood magic, they would kill every last mage, just to be sure!"

He scowled then, "Then Hawke tells me, that if I have so little regard for life, I could kill him myself." He punched a fist into the open palm of his other hand.

"I was so angry! Hawke kills everyday, and had killed the mage leading them! And here he was, judging me! As if the mages didn't deserve freedom? Like they were meant to be caged again?!"

"And?" Cat asked quietly. "What happened?"

"On our way out we faced more corpses. Fenris and Carver wanted to return and kill the mages, because the others had to have lied to us. I denied it, saying that those were animated from our fight with Decimus. I could tell Hawke was torn, but I pushed harder, and he relented. We walked out of the cave, and I walked up to Thrask, but… I couldn't do it."

He sagged, the angry draining from him. "I couldn't kill him. I hesitated because of Hawke's words, and the other templars arrived. Varric gave some story about Hawke being an enchanter from Ferelden that assisted in hunting escaped mages or something. To be honest, I didn't pay much attention. I haven't been able to think of anything else since."

He looked at her then, and she smiled sadly. He nodded, "You can tell me what you're thinking," he offered.

"Well… all right. Hawke does kill, but not indiscriminately," she said. "He gives second chances, and has a deep sense of right and wrong. Perhaps he felt that killing a templar that was trying to help mages would have eventually weighted heavily on you, or perhaps he didn't want to, but didn't want to force your decision, who knows?"

"Regardless," she continued. "He is a good man, but he's not flawless. There are going to be times we all disagree, but talking it out is really the only way to solve it, and yes… I need to take my own advice… but it's different."

"Is it?" he asked as they arrived at her home. She opened the door, and waved him to follow her in. Isabela was never home this early, so they could continue their conversation.

"Yes, it is, but I just needed time to get a handle on everything." She held up the water jug, offering him a drink and he nodded, so she got cups to pour.

"What everything, Cat?" he asked. "I thought it was just an issue of trust, and by avoiding him, how is that fixing things?"

"It wasn't that," she replied. "I have a hard time understanding the subtleties from others, and often read things that weren't meant and so on. I talked to Isabela about it, and got even more confused, and somehow I ended up kissing Fenris, trying to figure out my own head… and I just realized that I was thinking things that didn't matter."

"You kissed Fenris?" he asked incredulously.

"Well yeah, I mean, I was thinking that perhaps I was so intent on being unhappy because of being away from home, and Steven, and that I just needed to not think, and try things, that that would help me make decisions, instead of thinking them to death," she rambled.

"Steven?" he mumbled. "Why didn't you come to me then?" he asked.

"Uh, for what?" she asked, and he gave her a deadpan look.

He stepped forward, grabbing her and pulling her close, and kissed her with everything he had pent up.

Cat could swear her head was swimming, and she jerked as he just as suddenly pulled away from her, and stared as if she had grown a second head.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Cat… that was … like kissing my sister."

"Anders, you have a sister?" she asked in shock, which made him stare at her... then he started laughing, loudly. "What's so funny?" she demanded.

"Of course I don't, well, not that I know of, anyway," he replied, still laughing. She pouted as he tried to calm himself. "Darling, you know I love you," he said, and she thought of her conversation days ago with Fenris. "I was really hoping that would have gone differently, after all, you're the perfect woman for me, well, aside the obvious."

"The obvious being no sexual attraction?"

"Ouch, though I guess I deserve that," he said wincing.

"You know what I mean," she said. "You're gorgeous and you know it," she replied flippantly. "But you're one of my best friends! Did you honestly think that kissing me was the best idea?" she asked.

"Honestly, no, but I don't want you to be closer to Fenris than to me," he said with a pout of his own.

"So I said I kissed him, and all of sudden you have to kiss me too?" she asked, wanting to slap him upside the head. "Men are so stupid!" she groused.

"You still love me, right?" he asked.

"Of course," she said, rolling her eyes. "But don't do that again."

"No promises," he replied with a grin. "Never know when I may need to dissuade a crazy suitor or something."

He reached over and gave her a hug, pulling her close. "I'm sorry, really. I'll make it up to you. We'll have plenty of time together once everyone else leaves for the Deep Roads."

She pulled back and stared at him. "What do you mean, everyone else?" she asked. "What happened?" she asked.

"Hawke told me I didn't have to go, since Isabela and Merrill both want to," he replied. "And yes, before you ask, I warned them about broodmothers, and everything. Everyone is confident they won't see many darkspawn though."

"How can they avoid them if you don't go?" she asked, worried now. "Anders, I'm really sorry, but if Hawke is your friend, you have to go."

"What? Why?" he whined. "I don't want to go down there again Cat. I hate the Deep Roads."

"I know, but if things play out like I remember, Carver will get sick."

"Sick?"

"And the only cure…"

"Maker's breath, you can't be serious…"

"I'm afraid so. I don't think we could convince him to stay, but if he goes, and you're not there…"

"Ugh."

Cat tried to comfort him, as he had paled and looked like he would be sick, but he finally stood to leave.

"I'll… think about it," he said. "Goodnight Cat."