Cat could feel the unsteady tremble of her legs, but she ignored it. There was a part of her that longed for her bed, but she kept saying ghoul… ghoul… in her mind to stay strong. She didn't have a plan exactly, but she knew she needed something, and she hoped that she'd get it from her friends.
"Cat?" Fenris asked in surprise, standing up from his seat at the table. Isabela looked over, the surprise on her features as well as Cat walked into the kitchen. Cat felt herself stumble slightly, and Fenris was at her side before she could blink, helping her over to sit with them. He sat her next to him, and she looked across the table to Isabela.
"Where's Zev?" Cat asked, already feeling drained of what little energy she had had.
"He didn't say," Fenris replied with a smirk. "He does like to keep his secrets."
"He just likes to be mysterious, he thinks it adds to his sex appeal," Isabela said with a chuckle.
"Doesn't it?" Cat asked, her face feeling strange. She could see the other two staring openly at her, and she became defensive. "What?" she asked.
"You… just smiled…" Fenris said quietly.
"Well, sort of," Isabela added. "But it's still a big moment."
Cat waited, her head tilting slightly. "Uh, isn't this where you make some sort of sexual joke?" she asked her friend. Isabela was unusually serious, and Cat didn't like it.
"Normally?" Isabela asked. "Yes," she nodded. "But I don't want to overstep, or make light of what you went through."
Cat looked away. "Uh… thanks?" she replied, feeling the weariness swamping her. "Honestly, I'm not sure what to do. I wish things could just go back to normal, but…" she paused, though they just waited for her to finish. "Well, obviously what I'm trying isn't working. All I'm doing is becoming a ghoul."
Fenris' eyes went wide as she looked at him. Fenedhis! Did she hear me say that?! He turned away to wince.
"Kitty, you take all the time you need," Isabela started, and Cat shook her head.
"Part of me loves that you've dropped everything to be here for me," Cat said sadly. "But it isn't right. You two have lives too, lives that you've ignored because of me."
"That's not true-" both of them started, but Cat held her hand up to stop them.
"I'm not saying that everything is fine, and back to normal. Even now, I feel so tired of everything, and I just want to go hide in my room." She looked pained as she looked at them. "But… I also want to be happy… and I don't think I am, not really. Not like this."
Her friends, family, if I'm being honest, she thought, looked at her with sad smiles.
"We want you to be happy too, Kitty," Isabela said, holding her arm across the table, and offering her hand. It was slow, but Cat eventually reached out and grasped it. It felt odd, but right -her hand was warm- and for the moment, that was enough.
"Do you have thoughts on how we can help?" Fenris asked gently. "Or do you want help thinking of options?"
"I don't have ideas, no," Cat replied. "I just… I want to be a crew again, a family, like we were," she said as Isabela gave her hand a slight squeeze, causing her to jolt. "And while I know, realistically, that I'll need one of you here with me still, I don't want you to put your lives on hold any more, not because of me."
She looked at Isabela, narrowing her eyes. "And I don't ever want to hear that you've taking the blame for all this. Not ever again."
Isabela's eyebrow quirked up. "Seems that you've been eavesdropping on both of us, huh?" she asked, though she couldn't be upset about it. This was the most life she had seen from Cat in weeks.
Cat looked down, feeling guilty. "Not on purpose, no, but I'm glad that I heard it. All I want to do is sleep, even now… but I think it's high time that I start waking up." She looked back up to them, her eyes pleading. "And I don't know if I can be strong enough alone."
Fenris reached out, putting his hand on top of theirs, sandwiching Cat's in the middle of his and Isabela's. "If there is one thing you can know with certainty, it is that you will never need to find that out. We are always here with you."
Cat felt more moved than she had in awhile, and felt her body leaning toward him, so she didn't stop herself. She ended up putting her forehead to his chest, and she had a momentary pause wondering if he would try to hug her, and what she would do if he did.
But he didn't move, letting her just lean against him, and she was so grateful, even though it brought overwhelming emotions for her try to handle. "I hope I can do this," she murmured.
"You can."
Cat turned her head, though she didn't move from Fenris; looking over to Isabela in question at her comment. The pirate nodded, her smirk slowly returning to her face, and making Cat feel better already.
"How can you be so sure?" Cat asked, finally breaking from Fenris and sitting back up.
"Do you know what Velasco said to me, before he died?" Isabela asked, and Cat shivered but shook her head slowly.
"No, but I would like to hear exactly how he died… in great detail, actually," Cat answered.
Isabela grinned, her eyes twinkling in humor. "Now that's a story I've been saving just for you," she replied, then took a deep breath. "He told me that he would forever be your scar," she said, nodding at Cat's look of disgust. "That you would never be able to be rid of him."
Cat felt the bile rising in her throat, and swallowed to keep it down. She wouldn't let a dead man rule over her. Especially one like Velasco.
"I will be rid of him," she declared. "I'll make sure of it."
Isabela gave Fenris a look of triumphant relief, and he had the fleeting thought that he had never been more proud. If his blood sister was even half the woman that Cat was, he couldn't ask for more.
"Well Kitty, how about we get you something to eat, and I'll tell you all about Velasco's timely death?" Isabela offered.
Cat nodded in relief, feeling exhausted and yet proud, knowing she had just safely navigated her first hurdle. She would undoubtedly fall at some point, but she knew her friends would help her back up.
"Cullen?" Cat asked with a smile. "What a nice surprise."
"Cat," he replied, coming over to where she sat, and crouched to she needn't strain her neck to look up at him. "You're looking much better," he smiled.
"Thank you," she answered, blushing slightly at the memory of what she looked like just days ago. "I feel better, though my energy is still low."
"Well, just take it easy, and focus on getting better," he said, patting her shoulder as he stood. He moved backward, taking the chair across from her.
"Isabela told me that the culprits were killed," he said, frowning. "I am only sorry that I didn't have a part in it."
"But you did," she argued. "Aveline told me that you led a group of templars as part of the search." She smiled brightly at him. "I can't tell you how much that meant to me. Thank you so very much."
Cullen reached up to rub his neck. He was glad that she had been told, but felt embarrassed that she would thank him so, when he had essentially done nothing.
"Oh, before I forget," he said, desperate for a change of subject. He reached into his bag and produced a folded parchment, and held it out for her. "This came for you."
"For me?" she asked, her head tilting slightly in confusion.
"Yes," he replied. "You may not remember, but you once said something about wanting to correspond with Mia… uh, my sister. I finally took your advice and wrote to my family. And I may have… um… mentioned it."
He blushed a little deeper, but wanted to finish. Cat however, found it endearing, and didn't try to help him get through it.
"I didn't think of it again, but a letter came for me, with this inside of it. Mia wrote specific instructions that I not read it." He realized what he said, and was quick to ease any worry that he had. "Not that I would of course!"
Cat giggled, and Cullen narrowed his gaze at her. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he accused.
"Yes, I'm sorry," she answered, laughing aloud now. "But I really needed that, so I can only thank you."
Mollified, though he tried to keep his smile from blooming, he pushed the parchment at her, until she took it, then collapsed back in his chair. "Anyway, I did as she asked, and saw that it reach you." He looked at her in question as she looked at the folded letter curiously. "Will… will you tell me if she writes anything… embarrassing?" he asked in trepidation.
"I make no promises," Cat replied, smiling at the pout on his face. "After all, what if she asks me not to?" she pointed out. "You wouldn't want me to betray a confidence, would you?" she asked.
"No… I would not," he answered mutinously.
She laughed gaily, neither of them seeing the pair of elves that peeked into the room to check on them. They gave each other a smirk, and retreated back into the kitchen, delighted at what they were seeing and hearing from her.
"So you came to see me to deliver this?" Cat asked, tucking the note into her pocket to read later.
"Well, yes, of course," Cullen answered, looking down.
"Cullen, what is it?" she asked, sensing that it was serious, and something he probably did not want to discuss.
He looked up, concern on his face. "I… do not want to upset you Cat," he said.
"I'm tougher than I look at the moment," she answered, giving a small smile. "What is it?"
In the kitchen, Fenris and Zevran exchanged looks, and silently stood, moving over to the door in order to not miss a word.
"I do not know how much information you are getting, as you are recuperating," Cullen said, dragging his feet. He needed to ask, but that didn't mean he actually wanted to.
"Cullen…" she warned, knowing exactly what he was doing. "What?" she asked again.
"The night you were found, Cat…" Cullen began speaking, looking away as he couldn't meet her eyes. "I sent my men home and returned to the guard captain to give my final report, and- I hoped- to get your status. I wasn't certain that you were found, but the indications were good-"
"Cullen," Cat pressed as she interrupted his rambling.
He sighed, and continued. "One of my recruits insisted on seeing the mission to the end, and followed me. When we reached the base, we saw your friend, the elven mage- or so we thought- healing you, and then they took you inside of Hawke's home."
"Okay…" Cat said with a nod.
"However, a few moments later, as I turned to leave, I almost ran into the same mage as she came up to enter the house."
Cat's eyebrow winged up, her face showing her confusion. "All right, so then the first mage was probably Anders," she deduced. "Merrill isn't much of a healer anyway, so that makes more sense."
Cullen finally met her eyes, and was looking at her gravely, causing her to frown. "What?" she asked.
"Who was the other mage, Cat?" he asked quietly.
"I assume it was Anders or Hawke, Cullen," she answered him, not understanding what his deal was. "I don't have much of a memory of that night," she explained. "And besides, they are the only mages we have, and Hawke and Anders are the only healers, so it had to have been one of them."
He scrutinized her face, the silence heavy as she looked back at him in confusion. Nearby, Fenris opened the kitchen door slightly in order to confirm that she was all right. He and Zevran were both tense, ready to jump to the rescue if needed.
He could tell that Zevran had a dagger in his hands- twirling it as if keeping his hand busy- and he spared the other elf a glance, to keep him where he was. If Cullen made one wrong move however, I won't bother stopping Zev; I'll join him.
"I wish that were true," Cullen said softly. "However, I know both Anders and Hawke, and this mage was neither of them."
"All right…" Cat said, frowning. "So, what is the big deal?" she asked.
He looked incredulously at her. "What's the big deal?!" he spluttered, standing up and beginning to pace behind his chair.
Fenris' gaze narrowed, but he stayed where he was since Cat didn't seem nervous nor threatened by the templar.
"The big deal," Cullen said again, stressing the words, "is that there was another mage there." He stopped his pacing to pin Cat with a look. "A mage that is not part of the Champion's crew. A mage that was using magic to heal you! An unsanctioned MAGE, using unsanctioned MAGIC!"
Understanding dawned then, Cullen could see it on her face. Understanding, yes, but not guilt, not fear. She has no idea of the repercussions of this…
He hated that he would be the one to enlighten her, but he had to. She had to know, to be prepared for what this would mean. He moved again, flopping back down in his chair, slouching forward with his head in his hands. I've missed my lyrium, he thought in realization of the headache that was pounding against his skull.
"Cullen?" Cat asked timidly, unnerved by his show. "What's wrong?"
He despised that he had put that tremor in her voice, unaware that it was concern for him that he heard. "I don't know what to make of it, Cat," he said softly, his words muffled slightly from his hands, so he sat up slowly, speaking more clearly. "I'm not sure what it all means… but I believe the Knight Commander has learned of this mage."
Her eyes widened, and Cullen became certain that she had a good idea of who the mage was. He could see in her eyes the fear that he had expected before, and his heart dropped.
"H-" Cat started and cleared her throat. "How?" she asked again.
"I cannot be certain," Cullen explained. "As I have lost the Knight Commander's trust, and therefore her confidence. But for several months now, templars that I have trusted have been transferred to other circles in Thedas. At first, I thought nothing of it, as they were experienced templars, and the circles were requesting same."
He looked troubled, as he continued. "However, this time, the recruit that was with me on that night, and who had also noticed the additional mage was suddenly sent to Ferelden." He scrubbed a gloved hand over his face, hating what he was doing. "There was no requests for templars," he explained. "and I know that she would not have said anything to the Knight Commander."
"Okay…" Cat responded.
"But, added to the other things, it is worrisome," he continued, more calm now. "There is an unwritten rule, that recruits are only sent in the utmost need, and hardly ever at that. Only fully promoted templars are sent to other circles."
"Yet, this recruit was sent?" Cat asked, seeing the picture he was making.
He shook his head slowly. "Not exactly," he said. "She and her roommate were both inexplicably promoted to Knights just before she departed."
"Both of them?" Cat asked with a frown.
"Yes," he replied. "And yet Lysette was the only one sent to Ferelden." He looked up at her again, practically piercing her with his gaze. "Recruit, or rather, Ser Florence is still here in Kirkwall. And seems to have gained the Knight Commander's ear."
"Lysette?" Cat asked, though not truly surprised. She knew Lysette would make her way to Ferelden at some point in order to meet the Inquisitor at Haven, but still, she was saddened. She could tell the recruit had been squarely on Cullen's side. Her mind caught up to the rest of his words and she looked shocked. "Wait, did you say Florence?"
He nodded. "I did."
"The one that helped those Crows before?" she asked, hoping she was wrong.
"The same," he said wearily.
"Well, this isn't good," she muttered, knowing she was understating it. "And you said they were roommates?"
"You can see what I believe happened," he asked, and she nodded. "So you can understand why I think this to be a big deal…" he added dryly.
She nodded, ignoring the sarcasm. "I can understand that, yes. But what can we do about it Cullen? It's not like there is proof! If there were, I'm sure Meredith would have had us arrested by this point."
"I don't believe the Knight Commander cares overly much about the identity of the mage," Cullen said, rubbing his forehead, trying to soothe the pain there. "It is no secret that she wants the Champion discredited. And this may be the way she finally can."
Cat harrumphed, rolling her eyes as she dismissed that thought. "She could try, but she won't succeed."
"You don't get it, do you?!" Cullen snapped, and took Cat aback. She was so focused that she didn't notice the kitchen door swing out momentarily then return to how it was.
Fenris was surprised that Zevran was the one holding him back, but he kept quiet. He knew the male well enough by now to know when he wanted more information. He felt better seeing the way Zevran was gripping the door.
"Cat, this isn't like before," Cullen stated, wanting her to understand. "With this information, she need only one person to testify to seeing the mage, and then she CAN arrest you all, even the guard captain! She can hold you, interrogate you! She would probably enjoy doing it!"
"Cullen, we wouldn't let her-"
"You won't have a choice!" he shouted, gripping his hair in frustration. "Don't you get it?!" He paced back and forth, unsure of how to make her see. "Do you really think you could handle being imprisoned right now?!"
She paled, and he despised himself even more than he already had. But he had to protect her, and this was the only way. She had to know what the consequences were… what she would have to do to prevent that outcome.
"There is only one way, Cat," he said, moving closer and crouching in front of her chair, looking up to her in supplication. "If you were to help…"
"Help?" she asked, confusion apparent on her features.
"Yes," he said, nodding. "If you tell her what you know, then we can prevent this," he said, looking hopeful.
Her face blanked, and she echoed him again. "Prevent this."
He nodded rapidly, happy that she could see it too. "Your friends wouldn't be taken, you would be safe," he explained.
"And Hawke?" she asked without emotion.
"Well, she would arrest the Champion not doubt," he said, thinking it over. "But to save the rest of them, I'm sure Hawke would agree-"
He fell back as Cat surged to her feet, glaring down at him. He blinked in surprise at the animosity on her face.
"I think it's time for you to go," she said, her voice holding none of the emotion that he could see twisting her features.
"But Cat," he said, and she cut him off with a movement.
"I thought we were friends," she said, moving away from him, and he scrambled to his knees. "Family even," she continued as she walked away from him. "But I was wrong." She looked back to him over her shoulder. "You don't even know me at all, do you?"
He was stricken, seeing the tears pooling in her eyes. "Cat, no…" he breathed.
Her face hardened, continuing to speak to him, though she looked away. "Obviously I was fooling myself, that we could all live in harmony. Mages and templars just refuse to look at each other as people… all they see is enemies."
"That's… that isn't true…" Cullen said, holding his hand to his chest. "I'm trying to protect your friends, mages and all!"
"Oh?" she asked disdainfully. "And all it will cost is Hawke, is that it? What's one mage sent to be made tranquil in the end?"
Cullen stood again, trying to ignore the pain, in both his head and heart. "I don't see any other way," he defended. "If I were Hawke, I would gladly give myself to protect my friends!"
She closed her eyes, feeling the pain of that statement pierce her. "How alike you are," she scorned. "As I'm certain he would happily do the same!" her voice rose to match his, the anger she was feeling boiling within her, and she was no longer certain where it was coming from, nor who she was aiming it at.
"Did you EVER think that I don't WANT someone to sacrifice themselves for me?!" she fumed. "DID YOU?!"
He frowned, confused.
"OF COURSE NOT! ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS WHAT YOU WANT!"
"Cat...?" He asked, retreating from her anger.
She shook her head slightly, knowing she was going off course. She sighed. "I can't help you Cullen."
His gaze narrowed. "You mean you won't."
She shrugged. "Same thing."
"No." He felt his own anger and frustration rising now. "You know who that mage was. You may not have known they were there that night, but I could see it on your face when you figured it out. You know… and you're refusing to let me do my job."
"Your job sucks."
He shook his head, not understanding, yet incredulous at her attitude. "And when the Knight Commander comes to arrest you all?!" he demanded. "When she takes your precious Champion anyway, and makes you watch while she brands his head?!"
He let out a puff of breath, trying to calm himself as he saw her shake. "When he stares at you without emotion, as you've looked at me today, how will you stand it?!"
He strode forward and grabbed her arm, turning her to face him, his expression changing back and forth between anger and despair. "How can I face you then?!" he pleaded with her. "How will I be able to help you at that point? Why are you willing to give up everything for that mage?!"
Fenris and Zevran froze, hearing the slap echo in the large room. They were already out of the kitchen, but neither of the people noticed them. They watched their friend put her arm out and point behind the Knight Captain.
"I want you to leave," she said stonily.
"Cat, don't…" he whimpered, but already seemed defeated.
"I said, get out." She turned back around, refusing to look at him, knowing if she did she would sob. "It's obvious to me now that our views are not compatible. We'll never understand each other." She walked towards the kitchen hoping she could make it without stumbling, as the tears blinded her vision.
"It's was foolish to hope it could happen…" she murmured.
Fenris and Zevran were stoic as the Knight Captain noticed them, and gave them a hopeful look. Noting their expressions, he turned and left room, leaving both of them with the impression of a whipped puppy. After a few moments, they heard the door close, and Cat's wail.
She fell to her knees, sobbing out the pain into her hands. Feeling the arms coming around her wasn't enough to stop the racking cries that came from her, but they did help her get it all out.
"What's this about?"
Isabela smirked. "Nice to see you too, Hawke."
He glanced at her, and couldn't help but smile. "Hello Isabela," he amended.
She gave a nod, and then looked around. "Still missing Anders?" she asked.
Varric nodded. "And Aveline."
"She said she couldn't make it, so Charade stayed to fill her in," Isabela replied, taking the bottle and refilling her glass.
Hawke narrowed his gaze to her. "Just what exactly is going on between you and my cousin?" he asked.
"Are you asking for the juicy details?" Isabela said with a grin.
"I wouldn't," Fenris spoke up. "Just take my word for it." He rolled his eyes at the pirate who gave him a saucy wink.
"And now you've got me curious, Broody," Varric said with a calculating look.
"He's just mad that Zev and I share things with each other," Isabela said with laugh.
"Why would he care about that?" Hawke asked in confusion.
Now Varric gave Hawke a calculating look, then looked back to Fenris who looked uncomfortable. He decided it wasn't his secret to share, though Hawke was probably the only one that wasn't aware. And probably Merrill… he thought.
"Obviously they make sure that Broody is in the vicinity," Varric drawled, giving Fenris a smile that clearly said you owe me one.
"Well who can blame him then?" Hawke laughed, giving Fenris a light punch on the shoulder. He leaned right just in time to soften the blow, then leaned back to center himself, giving the room his scowl.
"Sorry I'm late," Anders said, bursting into the room. "It's becoming harder and harder to get here with all the patrols that are happening." He flopped down at the table next ot Isabela. "It'd be easier if we could just meet at Hawke's," he complained. "Then I could just come through the basement without being seen."
"Perish the thought Blondie," Varric said in mock shock. "We do this just to help you keep your templar senses honed."
Anders rolled his eyes. "I doubt that particular sense will ever go away," he muttered. "Pour me glass, will you?" he asked Isabela.
She shrugged, but did so, pouring a generous amount. When he looked at her questioningly, she shrugged again. "I have a feeling you'll need it," she offered, and he frowned into the glass as he raised it to his lips.
"So?" Hawke asked. "We're all here that can be. What's the big news?"
Isabela and Fenris looked to each other, and he gestured for her to go ahead.
"I figured you all would all want an update on Kitty," she said. Mostly, she just wanted to be sure that Hawke heard it all. He hadn't been very receptive of news of Cat otherwise.
Once finished, she waved a hand to Fenris. He didn't like speaking much, but he was the one that had heard it all first hand. "Then this morning, we had a visitor," he began, and proceeded to tell of the Knight Captain's visit and subsequent departure.
There were a lot of interruptions, some choice words, and a few threats to the Knight Captain as well as the Commander. The odd part, was that none of those came from Hawke.
Isabela watched Hawke carefully as Fenris spoke. She knew he wasn't oblivious, she could see his fists tighten at times, but otherwise he held his emotions in check.
"She kicked him out?!" Anders said in surprise. "I honestly never thought she'd do that."
"Why not?" Fenris asked with a frown. "She'd do the same to you if you talked that way about any of her friends."
"True," Anders replied with a shrug. "I guess I just never saw him going that far. Usually he just agrees with whatever she wants, or knows to keep those opinions to himself."
"It sounds like the Knight Commander is grasping at straws," Hawke finally spoke, glaring at his cup. "Is there any one to worry about from the guard?" he asked Varric.
"Aveline has insisted that there were only the most trusted and loyal there that night," Varric replied, thinking back. "I'm sure she'll tell Trickster the same."
Hawke rolled his eyes at the dwarf's nickname for his cousin, thinking that it didn't fit at all. "Well, there isn't much that we can do then. If we are seen scrambling to those that were there, it will just let the Knight Commander know that she is onto something. We stay calm, and she'll assume there is nothing there that worries us."
"Smart," Sebastian spoke up. "But it sounds as though she is determined to bring you down Hawke," he said, concerned. "Eventually she may fabricate something, as well as witnesses."
"She could," he agreed, nodding. "But there's no use speculating. We will deal with that as it comes. For now, we focus on the problems that we have in front of us."
He received several questioning looks. "What problems are those?" Merrill asked.
Hawke nodded to Varric, as he stood and went to the door.
"There have been a few attacks," Varric explained, pausing as the others expressed shock and concern. He watched Hawke smirk as he walked out to go get their guests. "Shut up and I'll tell you!" Varric said in exasperation.
The room became quiet once again. "It was completely random, but some carta dwarves attacked Hawke some time ago," he explained. "He beat them back, and they didn't show again for a few months. They only attack when he is alone, and he said it a pretty pathetic attempt each time."
"So what do they want?" Fenris asked.
"He wasn't sure, but decided to tell me about it, so I could find out. The last attack was a few nights ago, and Hawke became convinced that they didn't want to kill him."
"So what do they want?" Merrill asked, her head tilting to the side.
"Well, Daisy, we still weren't sure, but I finally got word of where they were holed up," he replied.
"So we're going after them then?" Anders asked.
"That was the plan," Varric said. He paused as the door opened, and the crew turned to it as Hawke walked back in. He stepped aside, letting several other men and a dwarf come in behind him. They were cloaked, but their faces were instantly recognized.
"Warden Commander?!" Anders screeched quietly.
"Alistair…" Isabela gave him a saucy smile, causing him to blush to the tip of his ears.
"Nathaniel," Sebastian smiled, standing to greet the other archer.
"Carver!" Merrill said happily.
"But then, we had some visitors of our own," Varric said over the din with a smirk. He leaned over, and grabbed his quill. He would need to keep notes, most certainly.