Chapter Five

Can't Help Falling In Love

"Negan, you don't fucking understand. Which part of what I'm saying to you is hard to comprehend? I'm not fucking leaving. I'm not leaving these people behind. I won't do it. There are good people here, Negan. My family is here. They need me. He will kill them if I don't do what he asks," I yell, throwing my hands up in the air in exasperation.

He advanced on me, causing me to hastily back away until my back hit my bedroom wall. He didn't stop until the air he was breathing out was the air I was breathing in.

"I will not leave you here, Piper. I don't give two fucks about anyone but you. You, my dear girl, are my golden fucking ticket and I will make it in to the chocolate factory. We have officially departed from The Land of Choices and are docking at You Will Do What I Fucking Say," he growled, his hand sliding up to wrap around my neck.

My eyes never left his as I sent a silent dare for him to try me. I could see his anger growing the longer I held eye contact. His right eye twitched and I couldn't help but laugh, which just pissed him off more.

"Why are you the way that you fucking are? For once, why can you not just do what I fucking tell you?" He asked angrily, his fingers flexing around my throat but never putting enough pressure to cause any sort of pain.

"Because I'm not a dog that heals when you give the command. And because, while you like to pretend you're in charge, we both know that you need me more than I will ever need you, Negan, which tells me I have the upperhand here," I responded sweetly, arching an eyebrow at him.

He let out a frustrated growl and released my throat, throwing his hands into his hair and turning away from me. I watched him as he paced around my bedroom, keeping my back to the wall.

"Then what the fuck are we supposed to do, Piper?"

"I told you before. I have this, Negan. I need you to keep your part of the deal. I need you to trust me when I tell you that I will not let anything happen to you or your men. I have too much on the line with this. Let me handle it and I promise, I will come with you after it's over. I won't even complain about it," I said, letting the last sentence pull a small smile from my lips.

He looked at me, his hands falling from his hair and dropping to his sides. I had never seen this giant man with his larger than life personality look so… defeated.

He stepped towards me again, slowly, until he was just as close as he had been before. He put his hands on my cheeks, stroking his thumbs over my face, and locked his eyes on mine. I didn't get to see softness from Negan often, but when I did it, it sent shivers down my spine.

"I trust you. I cannot lose you though, Piper. I cannot fucking lose you," he said desperately.

"You won't, Negan. I already told you, you're stuck with me, right? For life."

His features softened slightly as I smiled at him, trying my best to assure him that I wasn't scared out of my fucking mind. But I definitely was.

He pressed his forehead to mine, still holding my face in his hands. I felt his breathing slow. I gave him a minute to collect himself, trying to enjoy being this close to him. Suddenly, his hands left my face and grabbed my thighs, hoisting them up until they locked around his waist. His mouth slammed down on mine as a groan rumbled in the back of my throat.

My eyes opened quickly as I sat up in bed. My heart was pounding and there was a light coating of sweat covering my body. I looked around, taking a moment to remember where I was. Negan's bedroom. In Negan's bed. With Negan's t-shirt on.

The room was dim and I didn't see him anywhere, nor did I hear him in the other room. I breathed a sigh of relief and fell back on the pillows behind me, kicking the blanket Negan had dropped over me off my legs.

Well holy shit.

I didn't question the dream I had just woken up from. I knew that wasn't just a dream, it was a memory. A memory of Negan and I planning something against someone. Which was, in no way, helpful.

Remembering the look on Negan's face in the memory, I tried to decide if this was something I wanted to ask him about. He hadn't exactly been forthcoming with things so far, which worried me. I didn't know how he would respond or if he would even be honest. I had a feeling whatever we had been talking about something to do with the name from my first memory of Negan, Brendan.

My fingers trailed up and touched my lips, recalling how his had felt against mine. While Negan had made comments that led me to believe we were probably more than friends, he hadn't said it outright yet. I wondered why. Maybe it wasn't something serious? Maybe he didn't want that now? Or maybe… maybe he was just trying to give me time to remember everything and not take advantage of the situation I was currently in.

What stood out to me the most was the mention of my family. My family had been in Purcellville with me. My eyebrows pulled together. I had thought he had hinted that they had died when the dead started rising again. I had asked about them, and he had jumped right in to telling me about the outside world. Had they died in Purcellville? When?

Not able to stop myself, I let out a loud groan and rolled over onto my stomach, burying my face in the pillow under me as I slid my arms underneath it. Fuck. It smells like Negan. Like leather and Mahogany and tobacco.

Suddenly, I heard the door to the office open and close. Loud steps sounded until they paused in the doorway of the bedroom.

I turned my head towards the door, keeping my arms under the pillow. Negan stood in the room, barely past the threshold of the door, holding a tray of food in each hand. He stared at me without saying a word, his eyes roaming up and down my body, before locking with mine.

His shirt had slid up to my waist when I had rolled over to throw my little temper tantrum. My white cotton panties were on full display, along with the rest of my bare legs. I scrambled up quickly, pushing myself onto my knees before throwing myself back into a sitting position and pulling the shirt over myself.

I felt the heat creeping up on my cheeks and focused my gaze at a very interesting spec of dirt on the floor.

Negan laughed and started across the room to the table, sitting the trays down. He made his way to me while I actively ignored him. Eventually stopping directly in front of me and crouching, I had no choice but to meet his eyes.

He reached his thumb out and slowly slid it across my cheek.

"Red looks good on you, wildflower," He murmured, his eyes taking in my face.

My eyes grew wide and I felt my mouth drop open slightly.

When I didn't respond, Negan finally took pity on me and stood up, laughing again as he did. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of bed.

"I come bearing gifts. Ms. Ellie made us a special batch of potato soup. You've had a long fucking day. I figured we could eat in here and then maybe watch a movie, or something? Up to you. I cleared my schedule so I could spend the rest of the night with you."

I looked up at him as he pulled a chair out for me to sit in. I slid into the seat.

Words were still not coming to me naturally.

It's because you now remember those lips have been pressed to yours.

I shook my head and let my eyes slide over the food on the tray. The soup looked and smelled delicious, but my eyes caught on the small sliver of chocolate cake. An excited gasp left my throat and I grabbed the fork off the tray as I pulled the cake closer to me. Immediately shoving a small bite of the cake in my mouth, I let my eyes close, enjoying every chew.

I heard a low laugh come from Negan. I opened my eyes and made eye contact. He was staring at me, at my mouth, and a small smile played on his lips.

"Can I help you?" I asked, as he sat at the chair across from me.

He laughed louder this time.

"Even with none of your fucking memories intact, you still act like you've died and gone directly to heaven when you see something with chocolate."

I gave him a small smile.

"For good reason. It's chocolate cake, Negan," I responded, shoveling another bite into my mouth.

It took me roughly 3.9 seconds to scarf down every bite as Negan stared at me from across the table.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks again.

"Also, I think I'm remembering some more stuff," I said, glancing up at him quickly.

He raised an eyebrow as I picked up my spoon and stirred the soup a few times.

"Really? What stuff are you remembering, doll? He asked, leaning back in his chair and placing one arm on the table.

It should be illegal to look that good while literally just sitting.

"We… you and I, we were planning something. But you didn't want to go through with it. You wanted me to leave with you. I think we were in a bedroom. Maybe mine?" I said quietly, still absently stirring my soup as I held his stare.

The only indication that he knew exactly what I was talking about was the small flare of his nose.

"But you didn't leave with me, did you Wildflower?" He asked, his tone deepening as his eyes fell to my lips.

If he looks at my lips one more time, I will spontaneously combust.

"No, I didn't," I responded, licking my lips quickly.

"What did we do instead of leaving?" He continued, his eyes bouncing between my lips and eyes.

My throat constricted as I swallowed.

How had this conversation turned so quickly? He was supposed to be telling me what we had been planning, about my family, about everything important that I couldn't fucking remember. And instead, he has me sitting in this seat, in only his t-shirt, rubbing my legs together slowly to put some friction between my thighs.

Suddenly, Negan was up and pulling me out of my chair. He jerked me forward until my chest hit his and wrapped his arm around my waist. He held me to him as he walked us back to the wall behind us.

My breathing was shallow. I didn't know if I should be scared or excited. I didn't let out any sort of protest, I just kept my eyes on his.

His rough hands grasped my thighs and he pulled me up until my ankles crossed around his waist. A gasp left my throat as he pushed his face into the crook of my neck. His lips lightly skimming my throat. I could feel how hard he was beneath his dark jeans as he pressed his length into me.

"What did we do instead of leaving, wildflower?" He asked again, lightly biting the right side of my neck.

The groan that slipped from my mouth as I felt his teeth on my skin was low.

Stop this now. Before it gets too far.

"Use your words, doll," he murmured against me.

"I… You had me against the wall, like this," I finally responded, barely able to form a coherent thought. "And you… you kissed me, Negan."

He moved his head slowly up my neck. His mouth and tongue leaving a trail across my jaw until his lips hovered above mine, making only the smallest amount of infuriating contact. He held my gaze as I felt his hips press further into mine, drawing another whimper out of me.

His mouth was suddenly on mine and I felt it in every cell of my body. My skin felt like it was on fire. His mouth was soft and warm, and a lot more gentle than what I would think he was capable of.

As his mouth worked against mine, I was hit with more memories. They flashed behind my eyes like a slideshow, with Negan in every single one of them.

Him laughing, laying in a field, his hand in mine. Him chasing me through the woods, grinning as I dodged his every attempt to get his arms around me. Me, laying on his chest, in a dark room as he read to me with his hand drawing small circles on my back. Him shirtless, his head buried between my thighs as I ran my fingers through his hair.

I pushed against Negan's chest with a force that had him stumbling backwards and dropping me, my feet hitting the floor with a thud as I tried to catch my balance.

I gulped air into my lungs. What the fuck?

I looked up at Negan who was just staring at me with widened eyes. This had been the only time in the last twenty-four hours that he didn't have something to say.

Emotions slammed into me like a hammer. Tears filled my eyes and my hands started to shake. I let myself slide down the wall and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. I couldn't stop the sobs that escaped my mouth as I dropped my head to my knees.

"Hey, hey, hey. What's happening, doll? Talk to me," Negan murmured, crouching in front of me and placing both hands on my cheeks, lifting my head to look at him.

I could see the concern in his eyes as he took in my face.

I shook my head, not trusting myself to talk.

"I need you to talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours, Piper."

I focused on slowing my breathing and attempting to get the body shaking sobs to stop. I failed. Miserably.

"I d-don't know what's going o-on, N-Negan. I can't re-remember anything but you a-and I-I-I can't stand feeling like-like-like this. It's like b-bits and p-pieces of things but n-not the whole s-story and I don't know h-how to just m-make myself re-remember everything," I wailed, the sobs making me stutter over my words, which only frustrated me more.

Negan sat beside me, pulling me onto his lap.

"Breathe, wildflower. Breathe it out," he soothed, rubbing circles on my back.

I kept crying, the events of the last twenty-four hours finally catching up to me, as my head rested on Negan's shoulder. I had tried so hard to press everything down, to not think about it or just put it off until later but now the full weight of not being able to remember any-fucking-thing slammed down on my like a ton of bricks.

After a few minutes, Negan started humming. The vibration of his chest slowly starting to break through the sheer fucking panic that had been coursing through my body. Until finally, I could breathe normally and the tears slowly dried up. Recognition sparked somewhere in my brain.

"Elvis. You're humming Elvis."

Negan angled his head down at me, smiling.

"Indeed I am. You remember?" He asked, attempting to look at my face that was still in the crook of his neck.

"I definitely remember that song," I whispered.

He returned to humming, his hand still lazily moving around my back.

"Negan," I whispered again.

"Yeah, doll?"

"You called me Piper."

His hand paused on my back and I could feel a rumble go through his chest as he laughed quietly.

"It seems like I fucking did, doll. My mistake. Won't happen again," he muttered, although I could still hear the smile in his voice.

I lifted my head and looked at him, feeling better already.

"Can I ask you a question?"

He nodded his head slowly, keeping his eyes on mine.

"Were you… are you… my boyfriend?" I asked.

He grinned and I felt like the most ridiculous person on the face of the planet. I dropped my head to his shoulder again, not able to look at him anymore. He laughed and forced my head up with two fingers under my chin.

"We never really put a label on it, wildflower," he spoke slowly, watching my reaction.

"But we were together a lot, right? When you kissed me, I remembered some things. Small things. Like stuff we've done together."

"Yeah, I'd say we've spent a fair amount of time together. Only because you can't fucking get enough of me, though," he teased, winking at me as his fingers moved from my chin to tuck some hair behind my ear.

"Can I ask you another question?"

He laughed. "I'll allow it."

"Why aren't you this nice to everyone?"

He stilled for a second, eyes still on mine, thinking before he spoke. He opened his mouth to say something, but I saw the switch in his eyes, as he went from the man who just hummed Elvis and pulled me out of a panic attack, to the cocky, bat wielding psycho.

"Gotta keep everyone on their toes, doll. You hungry? That food's been sitting up there for a while now," he said, as he carefully pushed me to my feet and stood.

Yeah, definitely going to have to talk to the doc about the whiplash.

I sat at the table again, letting a pang of sadness fill me that I had already eaten the cake Eleanor had provided. I heard Negan move around the table and sit down, but I didn't look up at him as I tore into my food. He stayed silent, making no effort to have any conversation while we ate.

The soup was delicious, but I was starting to learn that everything the woman made was heavenly. I paid extra attention to eating every last bite as Negan ate in silence. I refused to acknowledge the lack of literally anything on his end. If he wanted to sit and act like I'd personally offended by one simple question, that was on him.

After I finished, I stacked my dishes on the plate and stood up from the chair, still ignoring Negan's presence. It was awkward, but if he wanted to put up his little wall, then so be it.

I made my way over to the entertainment center that housed Negan's collection of DVD's. Slowly dropping to my knees, I started looking through the titles. Settling on Twister, I put the movie in and made my way to the couch. I flopped back in a seat and threw my legs up, making myself comfortable.

I could hear Negan stirring at the table, but kept my eyes trained on the TV.

"What are you watching?" He asked, as I saw him come closer in my peripheral vision.

"A movie."

He let out an annoyed sigh.

"Are you going to let me watch it with you?"

"Are you going to continue to act like I just kicked your puppy?" I responded, still refusing to look at him.

I pushed play on the remote as he let out an irritated grunt. He picked my legs up, and threw them over his as dropped on the couch. He draped one arm over the back of the couch and the other rested over the tops of my legs.

"I'll take that as a yes," I muttered.

"Watch the movie, Piper," Negan growled.

I mimicked his sentence in a high pitched voice before I could stop myself. Like a child.

I glanced at him. The corner of his mouth picked up in a small smile, like he wanted to laugh, but dropped just as fast. I rolled my eyes and actually started paying attention to the movie.

We stayed like that throughout most of the movie. My feet on his lap, his arm casually resting on my legs.

A cow was on screen at some point and I smiled.

"My grandpa used to have a dozen cows that looked just like one when I was little," I said, the smile staying on my face as I remembered. "He let me name my favorite one Cookie, because she was the color of the cookies and cream ice cream we always ate on his front porch."

I felt Negan go completely still. I looked over at him in confusion. And then it fucking hit me.

I sat up quickly, my eyes wide and locked on Negan's.

"I fucking remember everything, Negan."