Nyrah's Journal Entry:
I was half hoping that Sol would make an extraordinary last entrance at the end, like most heroines do when you discover that they are not dead. But that wasn't the case this time. They lowered her body into the grave, and we all dropped fragrant rose petals over the top of the casket in silence. And by all of us, I mean me and Mr. Travis. Nathan and Bill recovered in a hospital near by. Mr. Travis has been very quiet since the events in the cave. He has divulged however, that he is making arrangements to quit his position as a Mountie. I don't know how to thank him for his sacrifice...apparently he can read the book just like I can, and he had apparently glanced through it himself. He knew about the contract in that book. We are uncertain of how we are related though. And I think I misjudged his interest in me. We talked about it, and he claims he did have interest in me, but as he began to realize the nature of the book, he realized we must be family. So his interest quickly turned into...well kind of like how a big brother would care for his little sister.
Nathan didn't seem to like that Mr. Travis and I spent so much time together all those weeks, but I have emphatically reassured him that my heart only beats for him. I also explained what exactly happened in the cave and he seemed a little relieved.
I woke up with a headache this morning. I wish it would go away. I suppose it is lack of nourishment from breakfast. Nothing seemed appealing to me in the slightest. I am still so exhausted from a few months ago as well. I slept in this morning.
Footsteps drop behind me. Allie has come home from school, and I casually close my journal and turn to face her, still seated in my chair. Nathan is still doing his rounds.
"Hey, mom?" She asks, "Would it be alright if I went fishing with Kendra and MaKenna after I finish my chores?"
I think for a moment, wondering about the box in Allie's hand. "Is suppose, but only if ypu come home before dinner. What's that you have?"
"Oh! Mrs. Thornton brought peanutbutter cookies for the whole class. I saved mine to eat later. Would you like one?"Allie smiles, excited to share with me, so I nod and receive the cookie with thankfulness. When I bring it to my lips, though, I notice an odd smell coming from it. Not very appealing, in my opinion. But I take a bite anyway, smiling, but as the food travels down my throat it threatens to come back up again. I clasp a hands over my mouth and dart away, down the stairs, and out the front door. Just in time to empty the contents of my stomach. Allie runs to me, not upset, but quite worried for me as she follows me outside.
She sits there uncertain what to do, but then brings me a glass of water. I thank her, slowly sipping the water and spitting it out to rinse out the horrible flavor in my mouth.
"Mom? Are you OK? Do you not like them?" Her brows furrow in confusion as she takes a bite of one of the cookies.
Feeling woozy and unwell, I contemplate asking Faith for something to settle my stomach and to help my headache. It just got worse. I would send Allie, but I think I need to be the one to go and get it for some reason.
"Nothing is wrong, Allie. I just haven't been feeling well today for some reason. It isn't your fault or Mrs. Thornton's cookies either. I will be back soon, alright? I need to get something for my headache from Faith."
"I can get it for you! It really isn't any trouble, and I will be back really fast!"
I chuckle, more in love with this young girl than ever. She is such a joy in my life. "Thank you, sweetheart, but I think it will be good for me to get out of the house for a while. Make sure you bring home lots of fish for us to eat! I'll let uncle Nathan know that you have gone fishing."
Allie seems apprehensive. She has been quite clingy to me since the wedding. She has been through a lot lately and I can understand that she might be afraid this is all too good to be true. Especially since I had told her that Nate amd I could never be together. And here we are, happily married for four months now. We sort of skipped the courting stage, and it has been interesting getting to learn about one another as husband and wife.
"Can I come with you?" She asks.
"Thank you, but I think you should stay here and finish your chores. Don't forget to bring down your laundry for washing day tomorrow."
I give her a hug, and she sits brooding on the steps as I quietly start walking away from her. After some time, though, I turn around just in time to see her reenter the house. Satisfied, I slowly make my way into town. People wave at me, and I try to acknowledge them so they don't think I am being rude or anything. When I reach the door to the infirmary, I hold my breath, anxious. Something just feels different. I can't explain it. I am about to knock on the door, when Faith opens it before I get a chance to.
"Nyrah? How good it is to see you! Anything I can help you with? Dr. Carson is on a house call."
I'm wide-eyed. I probably looked silly standing at the door like that.
"Sorry. Yes, actually."
Faith ushers me inside. It's just the two of us in here. "Um..." I swallow. My stomach rolls and tosses with crashing waves of nausea. "I think I'm pregnant." I tell her simply. "I missed my period, and I woke up with a headache. I also just threw up when Allie offered me a peanutbutter cookie."
"Oh!" She smiles, "I see. Would you like to wait here for Dr. Carson then? He would be the best person to confirm that for you."
"Yes, please." I am filled with so many emotions right now. If I am not pregnant, I don't know what is wrong with me. And if I am...I can imagine the look on Nathan's face. I'm mostly nervous and too sick to think about anything else. I wonder how I should tell him.
After an hour or so at the infirmary, I walk around town for a while. Unsure where I'm going. The sun is beating down on my head like a hammer. Carson gave me some powder to put in a drink for my headache. The dress shop is ahead. I can see Clara through the window. But I decide to head over to Abigail's Cafe first.
When I enter, I am accosted by the smell of coffee. It bothers me to even be in here. Bill is taking orders and I approach the counter.
"I'll be right with you!" He shouts across the room. I nod in acknowledgment. My stomach is less queasy than before, but the smell is really strong. It's just "off" somehow. The closest table next to me is occupied, buy I don't even bother to see who is sitting there before I sit down.
"Is everything alright, Nyrah?" Lucas's voice takes three seconds longer for me to recognize because I am no exactly paying attention.
"Oh, sorry. I'm not trying to be rude. I just needed to sit down for a minute." I say. "Everything is alright. Thank you for asking."
Lucas folds his napkin and gently places it on the table in front of him. That's when Bill comes to see what I want. I ask him for a glass of orange juice. Lucas continues to eat his food and sip his coffee...
I have realized that this is a good time to tell him how grateful I am to him. I haven't really had a chance to speak to him at all since before the fire. "Thank you, by the way."
"For what?" He looks rather perplexed.
"I found an ornament in Nate's dresser drawer while folding some of his laundry the other day. It was buried in the far back, but just visible enough for me to look twice. He told me that you were the one to suggest he remove it from the tree. I'm glad that you did. Nate is the love of my life." I smile at him, so glad that I got that off of my chest. Honestly I'm so happy to know that he gave Nathan that little nudge.
Lucas's cup is halfway to his lips, and something subtle floats into his expression. He clears his throat. "Um...Nyrah..."
"Yes?" I know something is bothering him, so I wait for him to finish.
"I didn't tell Nathan to take it from the tree...I gave it to him." Chills run down my spine at what he just said. But that means...
"Oh." I don't know what else to say.
"I removed it twice, fooling myself into thinking that you didn't really care for someone else. The moment you left for the hospital, I knew you loved Constable Grant. So I gave it to him when all of you returned from hunting down Wesley."
"But...what about Elizabeth?" I scour my memories. I suppose that explains why the ornament was moved on Christmas Day. But why is he telling me this now?
"I care for her very much. And I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to see where things go." He shrugs. "I just think there is no more need for secrets, especially since Nathan told you that I gave him the idea, which is only half-true."
I analyze as to why Nathan would lie to me. Maybe he didn't want me to know that Lucas once had interest in me. Maybe...he DID read my journal all that time ago. And it had WAY too many things about Lucas in it. I don't blame Nate at all actually. "Thank you for enlightening me, Lucas. I appreciate it. Perhaps...would you do me a favor?"
"Sure."
"Please, don't tell Nathan that you told me." I look at my knotted fingers in my lap, then back up at him. "I would like to continue to let him think, that I think he took it from the tree."
Lucas nods, the both of us finally at full peace with this closed chapter in our lives. I finish my orange juice and that packet Dr. Carter gave me, and that is when I hear the bell at the door. Nathan comes in, a worried look on his face. He catches me with his gaze, an expression that says, "Outside. Now."
I excuse myself from the table and say goodbye to Lucas, exiting the cafe with my husband. His hand rests on my back, rushing me forward towards the direction of our home.
He is angry, I can see. And I don't think he will listen to me if I try and speak now. But I really want to speak now.
"Nathan? What's wrong?" I finally ask after we are closer to home.
"I have been looking all over town for you! And then I find you in there sitting with..." Nate's expression of anger is quickly replaced with pain mingled with fear. Oh, dear...he misjudged this situation entirely wrong. "Allie said that you had a headache." I watch his jaw clench.
"I did."
"Lucas must be some sort of medicine for you."
"What?!" I stop in my tracks, starting to get upset at him for getting upset at me. I'm innocent! "Did you even go to the infirmary and confirm I was there? You're being ridiculous!"
Nathan's anger gets lodged in his throat. I don't even wait for him to respond. My cheeks are flushed red with anger. "And I'll have you know, Constable, that I merely went in there to get some orange juice to take the packet of headache medicine from Dr. Carson! I was feeling faint, so I sat down. I didn't even know Lucas was there at first and we started to talk. That's all!" I jerk my arm from his grip and I stomp towards the house.
My head is spinning by the time I get inside. Allie is not in the house thankfully to see us arguing, but Nathan follows me, slamming the door behind him. I start finding anything to do to keep me distracted from his presence and I start washing dishes. Nathan sits in a chair in the living room, fiddling with his hat like he always does when he is nervous.
It is quiet for the longest time, but Nathan doesn't let it remain that way as he gulps down his pride. "What did you both talk about?"
Setting a dripping plate in the drying rack, I focus my attention back to the hot water in the basin as if my husband never spoke.
"Nyrah?" I ignore him. Nathan wraps his arms around my waist from behind and I instantly want to melt. "I'm sorry." His chin rests on my shoulder. I still want to be mad at him, but the tone of his voice tells me he is no longer upset himself. I turn around to face him with one raised eyebrow.
"You have no reason to be jealous of him." I sigh.
"Nathan," I begin, "I love you, and only you." I cross my arms, hoping he will realize how true it is. "Do you not understand?"
He stays silent for a moment, but then answers. "Yes, I understand...it's only that-"
I gently kiss him, cutting of his words.
Pulling away, I then tell him "I know."
Butterflies flutter around in my stomach. How life shall change next summer. Another heartbeat to hold close in my arms. Another smile to capture in my memories. A cry so small and new. My hand subconsciously finds its way over my stomach, anxious yet excited to tell Nathan he is going to be a father. But not yet. I need to find the perfect time. It needs to be special.
"I'm going to start dinner. Why don't you go and rest for a while. Allie will be home soon, hopefully with a few fish."
Nathan heads over to the livingroom and takes off his uniform jacket. Thankfully he doesn't toss it on the floor like he usually does with his other clothing. He generally takes care of his serge like a gleaming trophy, so he hangs it up instead on the stand beside the door.
I shake my head, chuckling to myself.