December 1943, 6th year
This year's Christmas Party was quite similar to the one Naenia had attended in fifth year. Professor Slughorn had, as always, lavishly decorated his office in the usual Christmas colours of gold and red and green. Tom had asked Naenia, this time. Most of his flock chose the same partners as last year, although Nott turned up with some Ravenclaw and Walburga Black came with her betrothed, Orion Black. Amelia was also present, at the side of a boy Naenia recognized as one of the Longbottoms. The boy Amelia liked, presumably. She saw Jenkins, too, with a boy she didn't know – although it seemed like Jenkins, herself, didn't really care about her company either.
Professor Slughorn greeted them in his usual gushing way, expressed his regrets at not having seen Naenia at any of his dinner parties this year and then told them in a hushed voice how he already saw the two of them as the next Head Boy and Girl. Naenia highly doubted Headmaster Dippet would allow that. Tom? Yes, in a heartbeat. But a Lémure as Head Girl? Never. Jenkins had better chances and would most likely be chosen. Or some other girl that had connections, or was promising, or had other qualities the headmaster valued.
Their potions professor proceeded to tell them – or rather Tom, who had brought candied pineapple, Slughorn's favourites – how he would do anything to ensure his success and that he expected great things from him. He introduced Tom to some of his prized guests with Naenia playing the pretty accessory once again, not that she minded.
"Did I tell you that you look lovely?" Tom murmured during their first dance.
"I believe you already did," Naenia returned. "As do you, mind you."
He always looked pristine, these days.
Tom smiled. "Thank you."
Naenia searched the couples around them for Amelia and Longbottom. "Would you mind dancing with Amelia next?"
Tom merely arched an eyebrow.
"I would like to have a talk with her company."
"Oh?" Tom swirled them around to get a better overview of the room. "She already moved on from Black?"
Naenia huffed. "There was never anything between them to begin with. But this seems like it could develop into something more, so I would like to get to know him at least a little bit – and I doubt the two of them would willingly join our little group of purebloods – Amelia had to suffer enough last year."
He laughed. "I suppose I can play nice for your sake, but I think your friend won't like it regardless."
"Amelia doesn't hate you."
"No, but she mistrusts me greatly. I wonder what I have done to displease her so?"
"Well," Naenia said dryly, "she has what you and I lack – empathy. She probably senses the darkness in your heart subconsciously."
"An empath?" Tom asked curiously.
Naenia shook her head. "Not in that sense. Merely someone who has a very good intuition when it comes to people's true characters."
"I see." He paused. "Yet she has decided to befriend you."
Naenia would have shrugged if they hadn't been dancing. "I have been asking myself what she sees in me since our first day at Hogwarts."
"So long?"
"We rode the same boat and she was very friendly and overbearing and wouldn't accept my family name as a reason to stay away."
Tom spun her around and when Naenia was back in his arms he was watching the crowd with a contemplative look in his eyes.
"I find that people are generally very loud with their emotions, always putting them on display, never bothering to hide them. The Slytherins are more subdued, better at hiding their true intentions." He glanced at Naenia and back at the people surrounding them. "You, of course, are quieter, almost muted. It is always a relief from all the noise around me to be in your presence."
Naenia regarded him carefully. "Can you not turn it off anymore, or do you not want to?"
A muscle in his face twitched. "A bit of both, I suppose. In a way, I imagine it to be quite similar to your ability to sense magic."
"In that case you could create something to supress the passive empathy." Naenia narrowed her eyes. "And Legilimency."
Tom grinned sharply, but didn't acknowledge her implications otherwise. "And face the consequences when I do not have the item around for whatever reason?" He shook his head. "I would rather live with the nuisance and hope to get used to it eventually than risk such a weakness."
"Are you telling me I made my own weakness?"
He gave her a gentle smile and Naenia could not have said whether it was fake or genuine.
"Your case is different," he said softly. "Hogwarts is full of wayward magic and fools who do not know how to utilize it properly. I find it hard to believe that someone even as skilled as you could make use of that mess."
"I might have found the Chamber before you, you know."
His smile turned back into a grin. "With a focused sense, surely. But you are, by far, more finetuned than the spell I invented." He tilted his head. "Maybe, if you invented a spell or enchantment that allowed you to pick out certain traces and supress the rest. But in a way that is what I did, is it not?"
Just as Naenia opened her mouth to answer, the musical piece came to an end.
"Well then," Tom said and twirled her around, changing partners in a fluent motion between on song and another.
Naenia's newest partner stiffened and she couldn't help her grin. This would be fun.
Ꝋ
Amelia wasn't very happy with her, but otherwise the evening progressed in a much similar way to the year before.
Naenia played the pretty accessory whenever Tom wanted to socialize and danced a few times with her friends – though Nott barely left the side of his Ravenclaw and only gave Naenia a dance or two. She managed to coerce Lestrange into a few dances, at the very least.
It was quite exhausting, just like it had been last Christmas, and when they returned to their dormitories her knee had started hurting from all the dancing. Naenia supressed the pain, before changing into less formal robes to join the boys downstairs again.
She found them gathered in their usual spot by one of the fireplaces, all looking at Lestrange with expressions varying from amusement to outright pity. The boy himself had his face buried in his hands and was whining quietly.
Naenia took a moment to take in the scene.
Tom caught her eye and shrugged helplessly. She joined him on the couch where the only empty spot left was and turned to Nott with raised eyebrows.
"He fell in love with some halfblood," Nott whispered.
"How unfortunate," Naenia said which made both Tom and Nott chuckle.
"You'll get over it," Rosier said, awkwardly patting Lestrange's shoulder. "Just sleep with her and be done with it. Always works for me."
Avery rolled his eyes. "You didn't fall in love with any of them, did you?"
Rosier huffed. "Of course not. We all know such a romance is doomed from the start."
"Life is cruel that way," Nott said neutrally and then leaned over to Naenia to whisper conspiratorially, "And here I am, having been fooling around with a girl since last year and no one ever noticed."
"They were too busy plotting, I am sure," Naenia replied.
He grinned. "That they were. What's your excuse?"
"You would have to hit me with the fence post before I take notice."
Nott blinked. "Hit you with the fence post?"
"Oh, it's –" Naenia paused, took a moment to think about it. "It's an expression, but I guess it's only used in German. Mit dem Zaunpfahl winken – literally 'to wave with the fence post'. It means to give a hint, a rather obvious one." She shrugged. "I just meant to say that I am rather oblivious when it comes to romance."
"Huh," Nott said nonplussed. "And here I thought you and Riddle were courting each other."
Naenia sighed. "We really are not."
She watched Rosier trying to cheer up Lestrange to no avail with some anecdotes about his previous endeavours.
"The Ravenclaw you brought today?" she guessed.
"Yes. She is everything I could ever wish for." Nott sighed. "But I have already resigned myself to a future without her."
"I see…" was all Naenia said.
Someone else might have tried to comfort him, told him that there was still hope, that love would prevail. But Naenia had never felt like that about anyone in her life. She did not know what it was like, to love someone dearly. And there was no hope she could give him. They both knew he would have no say in the matter once he graduated. He had put it off as long as he could – whether he wanted or not, there was an engagement waiting for him once he left Hogwarts.
Rosier now tried to bring Lestrange back into an upright position while the latter half-heartedly swatted his hands away.
"Give the poor boy some space," Naenia said and was surprised when the others listened.
"Love advice from our honorary female member?" Rosier said jokingly. "I never thought I'd see the day."
Naenia narrowed her eyes at him and Rosier immediately put his hands up defensively.
"She does have more experience than any of us," Avery said. "So I guess these problems fall under her care." His eyes briefly flitted to Tom. "Unless Riddle would like to?"
"I do not care for such mundane matters," was Tom's reply.
"Yes," Avery hurried to say. "Of course. Absolutely."
"Excuse me," Naenia interjected. "What experience?"
Avery's eyes widened. "Uhm, aren't you and Riddle –?"
Naenia watched him expectantly. Avery only looked at her with wide eyes. He looked almost frightened. She knew what he was asking, but she wanted to see where this would lead. They continued looking at each other in silence.
Eventually, Rosier said, "Involved. He means you are involved. Romantically. Aren't you?"
"No," Naenia said shortly.
"You do disappear rather often," Rosier said. "Together."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "So we do."
"And you had a huge lover's quarrel just last year – that we all are very glad was resolved, by the way."
There was an affirmative murmur from the other boys. Tom was silent and impassive.
Rosier stared at her. Naenia stared right back at him. Honestly, these people.
"Right," he said eventually, clearly not convinced.
Naenia shook her head. "I do not care for love, can't say I ever have."
Rosier shrugged. "Well, you're still young. These things take time."
"Lémure is by far more mature than any of us," Nott said sharply. "Riddle excluded. And you started fooling around with girls in fourth year."
Rosier shrugged again. "She's a girl, isn't she? They're different."
"I find myself agreeing with Naenia," Tom said softly and every boy (except for Lestrange) focused on him.
At last someone who understood her, although Naenia wasn't overly surprised.
"I tried it once," he continued. "And I do not see why people fancy the act, either."
They all looked at him in disbelief – although Naenia most likely for a different reason than the others. She had not expected that and she did, admittedly, find the notion rather strange.
"Lestrange," Naenia said, bringing the conversation back to the matter at hand, because she did not know how to deal with this revelation, nor did she want to.
Lestrange raised his head.
"Care for a walk?"
"It's past curfew," Nott said.
"So?" Naenia raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm a prefect."
Rosier grinned at her. "That's the way to go. Nott and Riddle are way too uptight, always playing by the rules, being perfect model students and all. Sometimes, I wonder whether their whole life revolves around school."
Naenia was surprised to see him teasing Tom so easily – and that Tom let him. His flock hadn't been that comfortable with him before her argument with Tom. She wondered what had changed.
Lestrange had managed to stand up in the meantime and looked at her expectantly, his eyes red-rimmed with unshed tears. Naenia was not one for sympathy, so she merely held out her arm and let him escort her out of the common room. She was at least gracious enough to cast a warming charm at her shivering companion.
The castle was cold and silent. Naenia wasn't sure who was scheduled to patrol the corridors tonight, so she sent Marin out to scout the vicinity for unwanted trouble.
"How did this matter come up in the first place?" she asked, once they had left the common room well behind them.
"Rosier was teasing Nott about the way he never left his Ravenclaw's side and the sly snake deflected by putting me on the spot. Told them how he had caught me eyeing a certain someone he had seen me sit in the library with a few times."
"You're too easy to tease."
Lestrange sighed. "I was too shocked that he had found out to respond in time."
Naenia tilted her head. "Why were you shocked? Did you not want them to find out? Nott said it was a halfblood."
Lestrange averted his eyes. "It's not about befriending a halfblood or someone whose social standing is way below mine, but rather…"
Naenia went through all the possible options in her head why Lestrange seemed terrified of the others finding out the identity of the person he was in love with. And then went through everything he had said about that person far.
"It's a boy, isn't it?"
Lestrange froze.
So she was right.
"You are too easy to read," Naenia said calmly. "As a pureblood and a Slytherin you should know better. If you do not want anyone else besides Nott and me to find out, you need to become better at hiding your thoughts and emotions."
"I know," Lestrange said quietly. "This day has just not been very easy for me." He glanced at her. "I appreciate you getting me out of there, by the way. And I know that you won't tell them anything, so thank you for that as well."
Naenia shook her head. "This is a personal matter. And our mutual friends are rather insensitive when it comes to things like this. Not that I am any better."
"You're not insensitive, Lémure," he said softly.
Naenia hummed. "Maybe not insensitive, but my range of emotions is just as limited – if not more – than that of the others."
"Aren't we all emotionally constipated?" Lestrange said dryly.
"I was thinking more along the lines of being emotionless."
"You're hardly emotionless," Lestrange said.
Naenia smiled. "It got better in recent years." She lightly nudged him. "Tell me about him."
And he did.
He told her how they had first met and then again and again and again. He described how the other boy had fascinated him from the start, how his personality had drawn him in and how they had both been wary at first because of their respective social and blood statuses, but had struck up a friendship anyway. He told her how that boy had slowly started becoming more and more important to him, how he had begun seeing him as more than just a friend.
When he was finished, Lestrange sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not even sure if the feeling is mutual or whether he sees us merely as good friends."
Naenia hummed. "Do you want it to be more?"
"Of course I do. It's all I can think about these days. But I know it can never be. Even if he were a pureblood – he's still a man and so am I and there is no way my family would ever allow it. Or the rest of society."
"It all comes down to producing heirs," Naenia said, thinking of her brother.
But Orcus was in a different situation. He was allowed to have male lovers, could even marry them for all the Lémures cared – as long as either he or Veiovis (or Naenia) produced heirs with a, for their standards, acceptable partner. The situation was different, but the principle was similar in a way.
She sighed. "I can't tell you that there might be hope, because frankly speaking there is none. But I won't tell you that you just need to get over him, either. While I might not know what it feels like to be in love with someone in itself, I do know that it is not easy to just get rid of such strong feelings."
"But what am I supposed to do? I know I can't be with him. It doesn't even matter whether he loves me back. It hurts just thinking about being apart from him, being unable to share my life with him."
Lestrange looked like he was on the verge of crying and Naenia honestly did not know how to deal with that. Or emotions in general. She really had not thought this through.
"You might have to decide whether you want to stay friends or break it off entirely, first," she settled on saying. "Because being friends with a halfblood of lower standing is not a crime. Some people may frown upon it, but that doesn't matter. And then you can go from there – if you avoid him and never see him again, then you can take some time to sort out your feelings and distract yourself with other matters until the feelings have passed. If you want to preserve your friendship… I honestly do not know what best to do in that case."
"I would like to stay friends," Lestrange whispered and closed his eyes. "It's not like I expected to fall in love with him. I have never been infatuated with a boy before."
"It went well so far, didn't it? Why don't you try keeping things the way they are? Maybe your love will evolve into something that is… content with just staying friends and seeing him being happy."
"You mean unconditional love."
"Possibly," Naenia said. "Like I mentioned – I do not know much about this subject. That is to say, nothing at all."
"And yet," Lestrange said, "you are here, giving me advice that is actually helpful. Unlike the rest of my friends who either mock me or give me useless tips on how to deal with this. None of them seem to understand."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that last one."
Lestrange opened his eyes to look at her in surprise.
Naenia took the opportunity to start walking again. "Let's just say someone in our group might have fallen in love as well. But he has already accepted that it will not last."
"Because we are purebloods and we have family legacies to uphold."
"Correct."
They continued to walk in silence until they were back in front of the common room, where Lestrange stopped and turned to Naenia.
"Thank you," he said, "sincerely. I am glad to have you back, we all are."
Naenia smiled softly but didn't say anything, opting to wait whether he had more to say before they entered the common room.
Lestrange shifted and looked to the side as if he was slightly embarrassed. "I know you're not exactly comfortable with touch other than with Riddle and Blythe, but… can I hug you?"
Naenia was more surprised that he had remembered and called Amelia by her name than the request itself. Or the fact that he knew about her feelings on the matter of touch.
But she was playing the good friend for the night, so she merely nodded and opened her arms. It was, objectively speaking, the same as every other hug. He was warm, he breathed, his heart beat. But Naenia couldn't say whether she enjoyed or disliked it. Touch was a human need she had never found appealing – just like food. Until first Tom had started initiating it, very slowly, and then Amelia had barged in dealing out hugs left and right. (That was honestly the only way she could describe how Amelia had accustomed Naenia to her very affectionate manners.)
It was fine and that was it. And if Lestrange shed a tear or two, neither of them acknowledged the way he wiped his eyes afterwards.
When they finally entered the common room, they found it mostly empty. Only Tom had remained, all the others having gone to bed. Lestrange nodded at Tom and headed up to his dormitory while Naenia lingered, wondering why he had waited for them.
AN
Poor Lestrange. Maybe he became bitter about this and that's why his descendants grew up to be… not the sanest – look at what Rodolphus and Rabastan did, torturing the Longbottoms. And one of them married Bellatrix. But who knows what actually happened?