Bella was, admittedly, a bit drunk.
She'd drank her first beer and a half too fast, trying to chase away the nerves of maybe running into Paul. By the time she realized it was getting away from her and she needed to slow down, it was a little too late. She was hoping he didn't bring the blonde. She rolled her eyes at herself. It was always the blondes.
Leah had also let loose. Something about the end of July had snuck up on them. The night was one of the hottest they'd had all year. It felt like the summer had just begun, but the beginning of August - and school - were closing in on them.
They sat on the sand, leaning against a piece of driftwood. Bella held an ignored cigarette between slender fingers.
"We'll still hang out, right?" She asked, a little self conscious. Leah snorted. "Dunno what you're talking about. I'm done with school."
"Shutup. You're going back," Bella lectured.
"I'm not. It's gonna be summer forever and I'll get drunk every night."
Bella made a prayerful gesture.
Leah had talked Bella into wearing the new bikini she'd bullied her into buying under her sundress, in case they got too warm and decided to go for a dip. For now, her head was clouded, and she stood unsteadily.
"Think I'm gonna take a walk," Bella muttered. Leah nodded, lighting a cigarette.
Bella walked up near the shoreline, hoping to clear her clouded head. Water rushed around her ankles as she walked, leaving the sounds of the party behind her.
Then she felt a warm presence behind her; a hand touched her dress. She whipped around and almost ran smack into Paul's bare chest, so close she was eye level with his nipple. She turned back around.
"Oh, so you're ignoring me." He snickered.
"Ignoring you? I don't know you." Bella kept walking, enjoying the water cooling her feet and ankles.
"You know, smoking kills, little Swan."
Bella huffed and looked around for Leah to save her. She was shaking in the midst of the impromptu dance party, eyes closed. No rescue was coming for Bella.
She decided to face him head-on. "Wow, you sound pretty smart."
Paul smirked. "I know your dad pretty well."
"I heard that." She took a drag off her cigarette.
Paul's nose wrinkled. "Those things stink."
She pointedly took another puff. He raised an eyebrow.
"It does something for your lips, though..."
Bella's mouth fell open with a tiny gasp. She felt her face flush and her stomach twisted in an unfamiliar way.
Paul snickered again. Bella felt a sudden flare of anger. "You ignore me for weeks and in that time I've seen you with at least four different girls. I don't know what you think of me, but I'm not that girl, Paul." She flicked her cigarette and went to stomp away but Paul's arm snagged her waist.
"I know that." He pulled her a little closer. "I want to get to know you."
Bella rolled her eyes and tried to escape Paul's hold on her. He did not budge.
Paul's eyes hardened. "You're right. I get that I'm probably not your type." He shrugged. "I just haven't stopped thinking about you since I first saw you."
Despite rolling her eyes, that softened her. She let him pull her against him. She sipped her beer.
"I don't see how that's true, when you're clearly moving on every week to someone new." Bella muttered, looked at her hand, where it had come to rest on his chest. She silently marveled at the heartbeat she could feel under her touch.
"Distracting myself." He replied easily. He looked at her intensely. His dark brows furrowed, serious and intense.
"From?"
"Thinking about a girl I know I can't have." He touched her neck.
"How do you know that?" Bella asked before she could think.
Then he kissed her.
Bella's beer slipped through her fingers. Paul's hand cradled her jaw, holding her face to his. She froze.
She had only ever kissed one person. An ice-cold statue of a man who had begged her to stay perfectly still when he got near to her, out of fear that he might kill her. All she had ever known were chaste, cool lips that disappeared the second she tried to kiss him back. Pleasure mixed with sheer terror.
Kissing Paul could not have been more different. His mouth was warm and so soft. Bella felt herself kissing him back, moving her hands over his chest and shoulders. He wound his arm tighter around her waist, pulling her hard against him. She melted, swaying in his arms.
The still-speaking part of Bella's brain reasoned that the worst that could happen would be that Paul broke her heart. He wouldn't be overcome with the smell of her blood and bite her; he wouldn't go to caress her hair and accidentally snap her neck. Sure, he wasn't a great guy, but he was just that: a guy. And she deserved to have a little fun.
As if reading her new intentions, Paul ran his hand up her ribcage, flirting with copping a feel. Bella's hand ran through his shaggy hair. Paul kissed her like she'd never been kissed before. Swept up in the intensity, Bella heard her pulse pounding in her ear. She wound her arm around his neck.
Their kiss was interrupted by shrieking further down the beach. Bella jumped; they turned and saw that a good number of the party had decided on a midnight swim.
Paul nodded towards the tree line. "Sneak out of here?" His eyes were intense with desire, looking her over; he licked his lips.
Anxiety lurched in her stomach. "I- I better get back."
Paul's face hardened. He shrugged.
Bella was home for once, and decided to make a big breakfast for Charlie to apologize for her absence. Ignoring her throbbing head, she fixed coffee, whipped up some pancakes and scrambled some eggs.
Charlie read the paper and harrumphed as Bella fussed over him, setting a loaded plate in front of him with a hot cup of coffee. She fixed herself a smaller plate and settled in with a cup of coffee across from Charlie. He fixed her with his best Chief of Police look as he forked a huge bite of pancake.
"Anything you've got to tell me, Bells?"
Bella's stomach did a flip. What was it he'd found out? She hadn't been very careful about hiding the smell of cigarettes and booze on her clothes, but she and Leah were operating like sovereign nations from their parents at this point. She decided to feign innocence and shook her head.
Charlie cleared his throat.
"Why do you ask?" Bella sipped her coffee nonchalantly.
Charlie chewed.
"Boys were out near the rez last night. Brawl in a diner parking lot." Charlie watched her carefully.
Bella shook her head in genuine confusion. "What does that have to do with me?"
"When they brought 'em in, I happened to be talking with Deputy Mark near lockup."
His eyes didn't leave hers. "Paul Lahote saw me. Told me to tell you hello from him."
Bella felt like ice water had been poured down her back. She felt her face flush bright red.
"That kid is trouble, Bella." Charlie's voice was stern.
"I know- I'm not, I mean." Bella babbled. "Nothing has- I just met him at a... party..."
She cleared her voice, realizing she wasn't doing herself any favors. "Dad, I haven't done anything wrong."
"If you're at a party where kids like Paul Lahote are hanging out, you're doing something wrong." Charlie was getting a little louder. "You're almost an adult, Bella, and you need to take some responsibility. It's your senior year. You're not thinking about college, you're at the reservation every night. Don't think I don't know about your drinking - don't lie to me." He cut off her protests. "I haven't given you any trouble cause I know you're a good kid and you do deserve to have some fun. You've never been much good at it."
Charlie cleared his throat, and now it was his turn to blush. "But if you're- I mean, just tell me you're being careful-" Bella groaned. He continued. "Don't get pregnant, is all I'm saying, Bells. I've heard enough about the Lahote kid-"
"DAD." Bella flew up from the table. "I'm- I haven't. And it's -I'm a... virgin-"
Charlie covered his face, his other hand held up to stop her talking. "Great news."
"Okay - let's never talk about this again." Bella ran up the stairs, red as a tomato.
Bella and Leah were stretching before their long run on the beach.
"So." Leah's voice was pointed. Bella ignored her. "Dish. What happened with Paul."
Bella shrugged, blushing. "We... kissed. That's it." She bit her lip.
Leah rolled her eyes. She tossed her long hair, in twin french braids. "So what's next? He's gonna pick you up from Charlie's and take you out for a nice dinner?"
"I don't get your point." Bella stared at her hand, fretting the hem of her shorts.
"My point, B, is that Paul doesn't date. He fucks around, and that's all, and you'll probably be lucky if he decides you're good enough to go back for seconds."
Bella winced.
Leah softened. "I just don't want you to be hurt. Or to get herpes or something."
"Sure you're not just jealous?" Bella regretted the words immediately. Leah's breath whooshed out of her like she'd been punched in the gut.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"Fuck off." Leah hissed. She turned and strode off towards her house.
Bella just stood and watched.
It was August, the week before school started. Leah had ignored Bella's calls for the last two weeks. She hadn't wanted to show up on the reservation when her friend clearly didn't want to see her, so she'd kept busy doing back-to-school shopping, deep cleaning the house, and running laps up and down the street.
The time alone had given her some distance to reflect.
First, she'd been avoiding some issues.
It was fun to run around La Push half-drunk, smoking cigarettes and kissing strangers and pretending she had no responsibilities. But Charlie had been right. It was the beginning of her senior year, and she hadn't applied to any colleges. In fact, she was resolutely refusing to consider her future at all.
Before he left, when she pictured her future, his perfect face was all she could see. All she wanted was to stay at his side. But it wasn't possible, because he didn't want that. As excruciating as it was, she had to face that.
Barring a sudden change of heart (and she knew that if he changed his mind, she'd take him back, no questions asked), she had to ask herself what her future was really going to look like.
She had no answers. It was still incredibly painful to consider at all. Maybe it was her impending 18th birthday, or Charlie's lecture, or the break from the partying; but she knew she needed to start acting like an adult.
Charlie seemed tired of her moping around the house.
"Bells, honey, why don't you call a friend? Bet you'd feel better if you got out of the house."
Bella shrugged morosely. Who would she call?
"Why don't you call Jake? He's a good kid. Did you even see him while you were at the rez all summer?"
Bella sighed. She was sure Jacob wouldn't have approved of her summer activities.
Charlie cleared his throat. "Well, I'm goin' to Billy's to watch some NASCAR. You're welcome to join me."
Bella chewed her thumb. She nodded.
Charlie drove up to Billy's in the cruiser. Bella was clutching the casserole she'd made to bring for dinner, her belly doing flips. She was reconsidering going to Leah's. What if she really didn't want to see her again? A ragged, burning pain seized her chest. She couldn't lose her, too.
They pulled up to the little red house just as the rain started to let up. Charlie opened the door and let Bella into the little front room first. Billy looked surprised, but delighted to see her.
"Bella, good to see you, girl. You're looking beautiful." The Chief of the tribe's eyes sparkled as he looked up at her. He clasped both hands around one of hers.
Bella smiled. "It's good to see you too, Billy."
"Jake's out in the shed, if you want to go say hello. He can tell you all about his new project."
Billy grinned at Charlie as they shook hands.
"Chief."
"Chief."
They both chortled.
Bella unwrapped the casserole and stuck it in the oven to reheat, setting a timer. Billy and Charlie were already engrossed in the pre-race coverage on the TV.
She leaned against the counter for a moment, before deciding it might be nice to see a friendly face.
Bella heard voices and laughter as she approached the shed. She almost turned back, not wanting to interrupt, but the loneliness of the last two weeks was catching up to her. "Hey, Jacob?" She called out as she approached.
The shed fell silent for a second, then Jacob's head poked out. A huge smile immediately broke out over his face. "Bella!"
His grin spread warmth in her chest. She allowed herself to be swept up into a huge hug. "Jeez Jake. You're huge," she huffed, out of breath from his embrace.
Jacob rolled his eyes. His long, glossy hair was pulled back in a braid. "Wouldn't seem so dramatic if I saw you more."
Bella smiled weakly. Jake gave her shoulder a push.
"Guys, this is Bella. Bella, this is Quil, and that's Embry."
Bella stepped into the shed. There was a strange haze in the air, and it smelled unfamiliar to her. Bitter and citrus-y and burnt.
The stocky one with short, curly hair stepped up to give her a firm handshake. "I'm Quil Ateara." He looked like he might be trying to smolder.
Bella nodded, trying not to smile.
Embry was taller and thinner, with long, wavy hair; he leaned against the shed wall cooly, just smiling and nodding at her. Bella looked around and found a milk crate to sit on.
"Um. Jake, Billy said you've got a new project...?"
Embry smiled, gesturing at the rusted shell of a vehicle in the shed. "You didn't tell her about the Rabbit? He's completely rebuilding it."
"What are you, are you a master mechanic now?" Bella asked. Jacob lit up at the opportunity to tell her how he'd come to possess the old beater that they all sat around. Embry seemed knowledgeable on mechanical matters as well.
A breeze blew through the open shed door, disturbing the haze. Bella interrupted their conversation.
"Why does it smell so weird in here?"
The three boys were silent, until Embry snickered. The other two couldn't help but join in.
"What?" Bella demanded.
"Ahh, Bella, you're so innocent." Jacob shook his head.
Bella stomped her foot. "I am not. I've been partying on First Beach all summer."
Jacob's mouth fell open. "You were on the rez? And you didn't tell me?" Bella immediately felt guilty.
"I was trying to avoid corrupting the youth." Bella offered a smile in apology. "I thought you'd have a problem with me drinking... and smoking..."
"Depends what you're smoking," Quil chortled.
"Besides, we are not the youth. If anything, this is proof of your general naivete." Jacob nodded authoritatively.
Bella waved her hands in confusion.
"Kay, since you're not a narc. It's pot." Embry produced a joint from his shirt pocket.
Bella's nose wrinkled. "Marijuana?"
All three boys laughed at her.
"You know Charlie's in there."
Jacob's face fell. "Shit."
"It's cool, they're pretty engrossed in the TV."
Embry lit the joint and offered it to Bella. She considered it, but figured she ought to stick to her new responsibility shtick.
"So who have you been partying with at the rez all summer?" Jacob tried to seem nonchalant as he puffed.
"Leah Clearwater."
"Oh." Jacob sounded surprised. "Where's she at?"
"I don't know. We're kind of... we got into an argument." Bella looked at her shoes.
"What about?" Embry asked quietly.
"Probably the fact that she's a huge bitch." Quil interjected.
"You don't know what she's gone through." Bella snapped. "I would have died this summer without her. We both... You know."
Jacob nodded sagely, handing the joint to Quil. They let the silence hang in the air.
Quil made a show of blowing several small smoke rings. Bella was amazed; the boy glowed under her appreciation. Jacob got her a warm soda from a bag on the floor.
She wasn't sure if it was just because they were stoned, but the guys were really easy to hang out with. When Embry sighed that he and Quil needed to get going, she felt a pang of sadness.
"See you tomorrow, Jake." Quil wagged his eyebrows at the two of them.
Jacob shook his head and continued his engine work.
"So how's Leah doing?" Jacob asked after a moment.
Bella felt her eyes prick with tears. She shook her head.
"Aw, no, I'm sorry. Did she say something-?"
"No," Bella whispered, "I said something." She cleared her throat. "She probably hates me."
Jacob shook his head. "I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong."
"I did. I-I was being a bitch."
"That's kinda hard to imagine."
"Well, imagine it." She pulled her sleeves over her hands.
Jacob leaned over the engine, looking lost in thought.
"You should just go talk to her."
Bella's shoulders were hunched.
"I don't know if she wants to see me."
"Well, if you don't give her the choice, you can at least say your piece and apologize."
She nodded. Sometimes Jake was wise beyond his years, she decided.
"Is it a far walk to the Clearwaters?"
"No. But... will you come back after?"
Leah was sitting on the front porch, long legs hanging off the edge when Bella walked up. She didn't look up from the cigarette she was smoking as Bella approached and sat beside her.
They both stared at the sliver of rising moon in the early evening sky for a moment.
"Can we talk?" Bella spoke first.
Leah nodded.
Bella sighed. "I'm sorry." Leah's eyes closed. Bella pressed on. "You were looking out for me, and I didn't want to face... that... I've been really irresponsible lately."
The words hung between them for a moment. "Can you forgive me?"
Leah avoided her eyes, but she nodded.
"I know I'm not the best influence. You were a good kid before we..." Leah bowed her head. "I don't know how to deal with my shit either."
Bella tentatively put her arm around her friend's shoulders and Leah leaned into her.
"Want to learn to deal with our shit together?" Bella offered. Leah snorted and nodded.
Bella took a drag off Leah's cigarette.
"Wait." Leah got up and padded inside. She returned holding a pair of disposable cameras.
"I got these the other day. I thought we could... you know. Document. Senior year."
Bella smiled at the gesture. "I love it."
The girls sat facing each other on the porch. They each lifted a camera to their eye, grinning as they took a picture at the same time.
Laughing, they scooted back together. Leah put her arm around Bella, then wrinkled her nose.
"B?"
"What?"
"Why do you smell like pot?"
Bella laughed.