CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

11x19 Tribute

It was always the same. She was always running down a dark hallway. She was always one turn behind him. Just close enough to know which way to turn, but just far enough that she couldn't see his face. She could hear the squeaking of rats and, somewhere in the distance, the shatter of glass.

She always got to Louise too late. She was already coughing up her own blood. And then he would hit her in the head with something. Hard. The pain always made everything blurry and confusing. And no matter how many times she hit him square in the chest, her bullets did nothing to stop him. He was invincible. He always got away.

Emily sat up in bed. She was breathing hard, her forehead coated in sweat.

"Dreaming again?" JJ asked. But she said it more like a statement than a question. She was also sitting up, running a gentle hand across Emily's back. Emily just put her hand over her eyes. "Same one?" Again, Emily didn't answer. They sat in silence for a moment. "Em, they're getting worse. Maybe you should see a counselor. It helped me with mine."

"Only one thing is going to help them stop," she said resolutely. JJ sighed.

"None of it was your fault. You know that. Babe, you can't go on like this. You need to sleep."

"I'll be fine," Emily muttered absentmindedly, turning slightly to face away from JJ.

"Yeah, I know," JJ said under her breath. "That's what you keep saying."

"Go back to sleep," Emily said, finally turning to face her wife again. She kissed her softly. Emily started to stand but JJ gently pulled her back down. Her eyes searched Emily's, but it was clear she had no intention of talking about this tonight.

"You are an enormously stubborn pain in the ass," she whispered. JJ leaned in for another chaste kiss. "I love you."

Emily smiled softly, "I love you too."

Emily made her way across their bedroom and into the bathroom. She splashed cold water on her face hoping that it would make the memory fade away. It helped - but not much. Turning the light back off, she tiptoed out of her bedroom and down the hallway to Michael and Henry's room. When all else failed, watching the peaceful innocence on her children's sleeping faces always worked. They were both sleeping soundly - something that happened about once every two weeks in their house. Emily basked in the stillness of the dark room.

She slowly sat down on a rocking chair in between the cribs. At least JJ would be able to sleep until morning. Today was one of the three days a week that they both went into the office and JJ's mother watched the kids. She'd be there in less than three hours. But until then, all Emily wanted to do was sit with her boys.

Actually, she also wanted to shoot something. She wanted to go to the gun range and fire off rounds until she proved to herself that, if the opportunity ever presented itself, she wouldn't miss this time. She wanted to close this case.

There she was again - running down a dark hallway. Gun and flashlight out. He was just out of sight. She could hear his footsteps. She made her way into that familiar room. But this time when she turned around it wasn't Louise on the bed. It was JJ. Her blood ran cold.

"Help me… Emily…" JJ was trying to speak, but her words were garbled by the blood.

She coughed and a gush on dark blood unceremoniously ran down the side of her cheek. Emily leaned over JJ in terror. If she could just hang on for a few more minutes the ambulance would be there. Emily just had to keep her alive for a few more minutes.

"Emily…" JJ moaned. And then something hit her in the back of the head. Emily turned and emptied her clip but it was no use. The bullets bounced right off him. He got away through the open window. JJ was still moaning and coughing behind her. Emily turned to her again. It was bad. She was losing too much blood. She wasn't going to make it.

"You had him, Emily…"

Emily gently lifted her wife up so that she could at least die in her arms. She wouldn't let her die on the filthy mattress like a piece of trash. No - Emily would hold her right up until the end.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Emily.

Emily.

Emily…

Emily!"

Her eyes snapped open. The first thing she saw was JJ's face. It was full of concern and anxiety, but there was no blood. And that brought her a great deal of comfort.

"I'm up. I'm up." Emily looked around. Every pair of eyes were on her. "Why are you guys all staring?"

"You were dreaming," Dave said.

"The same one?" JJ asked softly. Emily looked down in embarrassment. She hated that this was happening to her.

"Yeah. Only JJ was in it this time."

Emily avoided her wife's eyes. She didn't need to look at her to know the expression that was on her face. JJ had never been in the dream before. This was a new and horrifying rendition. And just knowing there was a chance she'd have to watch her wife bleed out, even in a dream, made Emily afraid to go to sleep again.

"Tara, remember when you asked me if I was close to the inspector who was killed?"

"Yeah."

"I lied. I mean, not completely - I only met her a couple days prior but I was the one who suggested she volunteer to go undercover. She reminded me… of me. I told her it would be good for her career and we needed more women in power positions." JJ furrowed her brow - Emily had never told her any details about Louise.

"Emily, it's - it's okay." Tara insisted.

"But it was my profile. That's why they asked me to assist. I had taken an interest in the case. I'd been studying it for months. The whole operation - it was my idea."

JJ couldn't take it any longer. "You never told us that." She raised her eyebrows in mild indignation. Emily knew her wife was speaking on a different level.

"Well, I'm telling you now," Emily answered in a vulnerable whisper. Her voice cracked a little. "She's dead because of me." Emily didn't look anywhere but into JJ's familiar blue eyes. They softened. JJ shook her head ever-so-slightly. As if to say they both knew it wasn't her fault.

"Emily, she volunteered. You have to remember that," Hotch muttered fiercely.

"But I talked her into it. I went above the chief inspector's head to push it through. I just… I thought we'd catch him."

"You almost did," Spencer added softly.

After everyone had sat back down and became engrossed with case files, Emily stood and walked to the far end of the jet where there was a small kitchen. She busied herself with making tea. JJ watched her - it was a nervous habit of hers. When she wanted caffeine, Emily always went for coffee. She just wanted something to busy her mind.

JJ stood and walked towards her. She closed the curtain that separated the kitchen of the plane from the back. JJ approached her slowly with her hands in her pockets. Emily's eyes flickered over to her. She sighed and took a sip of her drink.

"Don't give me that look. I'm fine."

"Oh, I know," JJ replied with a hint of sarcasm. Emily caught on. She had been telling JJ she was fine for weeks now but the dreams hadn't stopped. "But I can also tell you're holding something back, because you don't want everyone to think you're crazy. Emily, we already think you're crazy."

Emily laughed a little nervously. "Thank you."

"Come on. What's going on in there?"

Emily hesitated. JJ was being incredibly understanding about this. There was a lot more to the story. There was a lot that Emily hadn't shared with her. Emily thought back to the day Lousie died and the unsub got away. Spencer had called her that day. He sounded so worried about JJ. And she was more than happy to accept the distraction. Emily threw herself into researching Askari. When she got home, JJ was falling apart - it would've been selfish of Emily to unload more onto her. But now, it was time. She needed to tell her.

"That night, in London - he had me and he just walked away and let me live."

JJ did her best to keep her face neutral, despite feeling upset that Emily never told her that. This unsub had almost killed her that night and JJ never even knew. She thought about everything that had happened since then. Michael and Henry being the most significant. She took in a breath and refocused.

"You weren't part of his plan. His need to copy specific aspects of the murders was conpulsive."

"I thought that too. And… maybe it's just the nightmare talking, but I - I could swear he was savoring it."

"Well, a close call like that. It's gotta be a rush. Maybe all those near misses weren't an accident. He might like it when we're close."

"So, he's a thrill killer. Maybe he gets off on the adrenaline."

JJ nodded slowly. They were onto something. But while this new theory was good for the case, it also made her angry… and scared. JJ didn't need to imagine the fear. She'd seen it every single time Emily woke up in the middle of the night. And JJ hated to think about this guy getting off on it.

"You don't remember me, do you Michael? We met in London."

"You followed me all the way here. I must be a big deal."

"You're already going to be the man when you get to prison." JJ added. She was standing behind Emily, eyes full of intensity as she finally put a face to the villain that had been terrorizing her wife. She stared down the barrel of her gun.

"Just let her go. You'll be on the news at 10:00." Rossi tried.

"Look outside. Half the cops in the city are out there just for you. Go ahead. See for yourself. You're the best ever. Police all over the world have been looking for you." She just needed one second. A single second of distraction and she could take him out.

"They're gonna write books about me. I'm even gonna make you famous."

"Look outside. See all those people out there?"

"Ha! They're all gonna know my -" He turned his head to glance behind him at the window.

Emily didn't hesitate. And this time, the bullet didn't ricochet. He was dead before he hit the bed. Emily approached him in a haze. She didn't lower her gun until she felt the gentle hand of her wife on her shoulder. Emily jerked her head in JJ's direction. Her eyes were still filled with intensity, muscles still tense.

"Emily, it's okay. It's over."

Emily lowered her gun and re-holstered it. She nodded absentmindedly, turning to leave the room. It felt like her hearing was muted. Like her vision was tunneling. JJ kept a close eye on her.

While it felt good to close the case - it never felt good to kill someone. Even a vile one like him. There was something about watching the light leaving someone's eyes. Especially when that person just so happens to have the same name as your child.

Emily sat quietly on the plane ride back. JJ didn't try to push her to talk - something Emily was grateful for. She just sat next to her, quietly reading a book. Just her presence was enough. When they landed Emily found herself walking towards Derek's office. She did that from time to time. JJ didn't know about it. But she liked sitting in his old office after a tough case. It felt like she was close to him.

But this time when she turned the corner she found the office already had a visitor. Penelope stood in the middle of the room. Emily could tell she'd been crying softly.

"Yo, baby girl, what you think you doing in my office? You know better than to mess with my stuff. I don't mess with your stuff."

Penelope turned and smiled through her tears and chuckled a little. "I heard how the case ended. How are you doing?"

"I'm… I'm gonna be okay," Emily replied. "How are you doing?" She countered glancing around the office.

"Uh… I'm okay," Penelope answered very unconvincingly. Emily smiled sadly. She knew that whatever she was feeling, Penelope was probably feeling worse. She was probably missing him more. Emily's heart broke for her friend.

"You know what? I bet it is probably still here," Emily said walking through Derek's empty office to the cabinet behind the desk.

"What? What is still where?"

"This," Emily said, turning and showing Penelope the bottle in her hand. "I had to give it to him when I lost that bet."

"Oh, the Halloween bet. That was not a good look."

"No, it was not."

"Isn't it against regulations to drink in here?"

"Well, it's a special occasion. It calls for a drink."

Garcia eyed Emily. "Special occasion…"

"What?"

"I don't know… You have two delectable babies at home. Not to mention a wife - why are you having a drink with me in a dark, empty office?"

Emily handed Penelope a glass, opting to answer the question with a toast as she raised her glass, "To Morgan."

Penelope smiled in soft understanding, "To all the delicious friends."

The alcohol burned going down her throat. Emily shook her head waiting for the burning to subside. "You have dinner plans?"

While walking down the hallway, JJ just happened to glance into the empty office to find it not so empty. She saw her wife's smiling face.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys are having a party and you didn't invite me?"

"Do you think your mom would be willing to stay late with the boys tonight?" Emily asked.

"I'll call her - where are we going?"

"Girl's night?" Penelope said happily.

"Did somebody say girl's night?" David asked from the doorway. The three women turned around.

"Yes, but we'll make an exception for you."

"Me too?" Spencer's voice came from the hall. He appeared into view from behind David.

"Let's do it! I'm starving and I'm buying. And bring the bottle," Dave said, leading them into the hallway.

JJ noticed the bottle sitting behind Emily on the desk for the first time. Emily picked it up and hid it under her sweater. Penelope took JJ's hand and pulled her out of the office, Emily trailing behind.

"This is the best! When's the last time we did this? I want to hear everything about Michael and Henry! And by everything, I mean everything! All the updates!"

JJ stood next to Emily in the elevator. She glanced over at her wife. JJ knew that Derek leaving was hard on everyone, but it was affecting Emily more than she wanted to admit. They were always so close. JJ had caught Emily staring somberly at his empty office more than once. At least they closed the case. That gave Emily a little bit of the closure she so needed. Tonight was a good night - a happy night. She gently took Emily's free hand and laughed with her friends.