CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO

14x10 Flesh And Blood

"Emily, really, you don't have to do this," JJ said looking around the kitchen. It looked like a warzone. Emily Prentiss was good at so many things, but cooking wasn't one of them. "I kinda thought we were going out tonight…"

Emily looked around the kitchen. She looked flustered. "Well, I wanted to surprise you," she said genuinely.

JJ gave her a caustic look. It had been a couple of weeks since she'd admitted she was thinking about having another baby. And ever since then, JJ felt like they were a little out of sync. It was like there was this invisible heaviness on every interaction that neither of them were willing to bring up. While Emily never opposed to the idea of more kids, she seemed cautious about it. JJ was hoping that tonight they could talk about it again.

"I am surprised…" JJ responded dryly. Emily knew that tone of voice. She tilted her head to the side and gave JJ an impatient look.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing," JJ answered quickly. "It's just that in the nine years we've been together, I think I can count on one hand how many times you've cooked for me." Emily looked momentarily offended. JJ rushed up to her and put her hands on her shoulders. "I love the gesture," she insisted quickly. "But this is our one free night…?"

Emily narrowed her eyes, studying JJ's words. "You don't like my cooking," she surmised. JJ hesitated and looked up at the ceiling trying to think of the best way to answer. Apparently, that was not the right answer. Emily's eyes went a little wide and she dropped her jaw.

"Emily, come on!" JJ said as Emily pulled away from JJ. She could tell Emily wasn't really upset. But she wasn't going to let JJ off the hook easily either. JJ followed her and invaded her wife's personal space. JJ wrapped her arms around her waist and locked her hands behind her back. She gave Emily a dreamy smile. One she knew Emily couldn't resist. "I love so many things about you…" She began, leaning in to kiss her. "But your cooking just isn't one of them." She kissed her again. Emily tried to fight it, but a slow smile spread across her face. JJ gazed at her for a long moment before Emily shook her head.

"I'll have you know, this is Rossi's grandmother's recipe," Emily said. "And you haven't even tried it."

She grabbed the wooden cooking spoon and tasted the sauce. JJ watched with her hands on her hips. Emily turned her head to look at her and JJ smirked with raised eyebrows.

"How do we feel about pizza?" Emily asked. JJ broke into a grin, laughing sincerely.

An hour later, they were sitting in the low light of the dining room, finishing up their dinner. Candle light flickered, filling the room with a warm glow. Emily loved this. They'd never done date nights much even before they had kids, but now, having an entire evening alone with JJ seemed even more special. JJ too was starting to feel the enchantment of the evening. Maybe it was the wine talking - or the way the candles were silhouetting Emily's body, but her thoughts were quickly becoming more explicit. She ignored them though. They needed to talk.

But before she could bring it up, Emily stood and walked around the table so she was behind JJ. JJ turned her head to watch her until she felt Emily's hands run down her arms. Emily was leaning over JJ's shoulder, breath on her neck. JJ smiled despite herself.

"What are you doing?" JJ asked, teasingly. Emily chuckled a little before kissing down JJ's neck.

"You know exactly what I'm doing," she mumbled against her skin. JJ shivered. She turned her head and leaned away so she could look Emily in the eye. They held eye contact for a long moment. A honest smile spread across JJ's face. She leaned in to kiss Emily. Emily pulled JJ up out of her chair and wrapped her arms securely around her waist. She was pulling her in.

"Em, I wanted to talk."

Emily chuckled satirically against JJ's lips. "We can talk later." She deepened the kiss and JJ felt herself surrendering. She pulled Emily in closer, breathing heavily.

"You're avoiding the topic…" JJ mumbled.

Emily pulled back from her and JJ took the opportunity to study her. She was wearing her hair up higher than she normally did. At work she normally wore it down. Or in a low, professional ponytail in the field. But tonight she had it up in a high bun. It showed off her neck. JJ liked her neck. She always associated that style with the Emily that ran around the backyard with their boys. The one who wore sweats and glasses in the morning. The Emily that only JJ got to see. JJ's hands went up her neck and into her hair. Emily smiled tightly.

"I'm not avoiding it," Emily insisted softly.

That's when the phone chimed. JJ sighed heavily. Her hands were still in Emily's hair.

"Don't you dare answer that," she whispered. JJ was staring at her lips. Emily swallowed. She leaned in and kissed her again, but broke away after a couple of seconds.

"Hold that thought," Emily whispered back. She left JJ's arms and walked over to her phone which was sitting on the kitchen counter. JJ used her thumb to wipe Emily's lipstick off her mouth. Emily frowned at her phone eliciting a sigh from JJ. Emily glanced up at her wife's disappointed expression.

"It's our night off…" Emily said casually, tossing her phone back on the counter and walking back to JJ. JJ gave her an amused smile. She welcomed Emily back into her arms and chuckled against her lips as they came back in to kiss her again. That's when she heard the phone chime again. And again. Then it started ringing.

"Em…" JJ said. She pulled back from her wife and gave her an unfulfilled look. "You should get that." Emily could tell JJ wasn't blaming her for this - but she wasn't happy about it either.

Emily walked back over to her phone and managed to answer it on the last ring. JJ busied herself with clearing the table and putting away the leftover food. If there was a silver lining to any of this - it was that they didn't have to call Sandy Jareau to come over and watch the boys. They were already having a sleepover with Derek.

"Addison… Edward Addison." The crime scene had looked familiar after all. It wasn't just that she'd been at the BAU for years - it was more than that. But she wasn't sure. She needed to talk to Emily to be completely sure.

"What about him?" Luke asked.

"I'm not sure. Give me a second."

JJ quickly left the room and made her way to the file room. Edward Addison. She knew that name. And so did Emily. Fifteen minutes later, she burst through the door of Emily's office, eyes afire with fervency. Emily immediately put down her pen. She stood and began to come around her desk. JJ dropped the pictures on the desk.

"I knew I had seen something like these crime scenes before. We both have. In Milwaukee 11 years ago. But they were women, six women."

"I can't believe I forgot."

"It was a terrible time for us. Gideon was gone, Hotch was suspended, Strauss was trying to tear up the BAU, and you were leaving."

Emily nodded slowly. And you were dating Will. She added in her head. Yeah - not a time she particularly looked back on fondly.

"So you think we're dealing with a copycat here?"

"Worse. Back then, you told me the Addison's were moving to Baltimore."

"Yeah, after they adopted Joe Smith's son. They renamed him Edward Addison and they…" Emily glanced down at the paper JJ had just handed her. Everything fell into place. "Oh my god…" What Emily hadn't been able to remember a few minutes ago came back to her like a tidal wave. She could see the little boy's face so clearly. She was back in that house with him - protecting him. She'd kept in touch with him for years but when he moved to Baltimore she stopped. She let herself off the hook. And she shouldn't have.

Emily and JJ sat silently in the SUV together. Emily glanced in JJ's direction carefully only to find her staring intensely through the binoculars they'd brought. Emily looked away. Something was obviously going on with JJ but neither of them were acknowledging the elephant in the room. She was so tired of going through the motions.

The phone rang. David Smith was calling.

"I need to speak to Emily."

And chill ran down JJ's spine. She turned her head towards Emily. She watched her lower the binoculars from her eyes and met JJ's eyes. In a second, Emily had opened the door and began making her way towards the undercover agent. She took the phone from the woman and brought it up to her ear.

"Hello David."

"Emily, I - I just never thought I'd hear your voice again."

"But you knew I'd be here."

"It's your job, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"You used to visit me. And if I got scared, you said you'd be there. But you weren't. Remember?"

"I have no excuses, David. I'm sorry."

"Me too. But I have to do this."

"No, David, please listen. You don't understand what you're doing. She lied to you, David."

When he hung up, she missed his voice. It was an odd feeling to miss the voice of a murderer. But this was different. When Emily looked at his picture she still saw the little boy. She still saw the damage that his father had done. She saw the innocence - the look of fear in his eyes. A look she'd seen on her own children's faces when they got scared.

Once they got back to the precinct, JJ found herself alone in the break room. She heard someone walk up and then linger in the doorway. She glanced up and met Emily's eyes for a brief moment. One glance at JJ and Emily knew she was upset. Emily walked quietly over to the coffee pot and began to pour herself a mug. She could feel tension in the air. It had been weeks of this. They were fine most of the time - but JJ wasn't herself. She was frustrated with Emily.

Emily didn't turn to face JJ. She just stared at the mug in hands. She needed JJ's comfort, despite the minor strain between them. She needed comfort from her wife. Emily sighed and began speaking.

"I saw how neglected he was. I saw what his father did to him and I spent a lot of time dwelling on that. But what does that do for him?" Emily met JJ's eyes. There was cynicism in them - self-loathing. JJ could tell she was in pain. "Nothing." Emily looked away again, staring out the window into the squad room. "I left myself off the hook. I told myself that I wasn't his mother, that it wasn't my responsibility, that I was right not to butt in. He didn't need me anymore… I knew better. I let myself off the hook."

"It's not that simple," JJ responded cooly. She didn't mean for it to sound as dismissive as it did. Emily narrowed her eyes as JJ reached in front of her to pick up the coffee pot. Emily momentarily considered confronting her when Luke popped his head in the breakroom.

"Prentiss. JJ. We might have something…"

JJ glanced up at Emily briefly and quickly exited the room. Emily followed behind.

"David, stop. It doesn't have to end like this. This isn't who you really are."

"But it is. It's exactly who I am."

"I won't lie to you. The road from here is hard. But there's hope."

JJ watched as her wife lowered and holstered her gun. The grip on her own tightening. She knew Emily had a soft spot for this kid. But he was a man now. A man who had murdered four people and was holding gun to the head of a fifth. She didn't want him anywhere near her.

"Let me help you," Emily begged. He moved to point the gun at her. JJ furrowed her eyebrows. She could barely hear Emily speaking over the beating of her heart. "If you don't want to take my help, then you're gonna have to shoot me. Is that what you want?"

Emily started inching towards him. JJ took a half step forward and wavered. She wanted to follow her.

"Please don't make me do this," David said, tears beginning to form in his eyes. Emily put her hands up.

"I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't want to do." She was still inching towards him - within arms length now. The gun was aimed at her head.

"Emily, no." David was shaking now. The gun in his hand was trembling.

"David, go ahead. Do what you have to do. Shoot me if that's who you really are."

JJ watched with ferocity burning in her eyes. If he pulled that trigger she would end him. She wouldn't hesitate. But he dropped the gun and fell to his knees. She moved in quickly to take the weapon away. David collapsed into Emily's arms. He was crying, desperately clinging on to Emily. Now that the threat had passed, JJ allowed herself to really look at David. His blonde hair reminded her of Henry. Emily held him lovingly, rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. JJ watched them for a moment.

JJ was sitting across from Emily - waiting for her to get ready to go home when Penelope came into the office. Emily was thankful for the instant cut in the tension. She could feel JJ was frustrated with her but knew this wasn't the time to bring it up.

"Ohh, my heart hurts for David."

"Fate was awfully cruel to him," Emily agreed.

"He was born and raised in his formative years by a psychopath," Penelope continued. "What chance did he really have?"

"The Addison's were good people, but the damage had already been done," JJ muttered. She had her hands crossed over her chest and was avoiding both Emily's and Penelope's eyes.

"I can't help thinking that given different circumstances, I might have changed things for him," Emily said.

"No. Don't put this on or anywhere near you."

"I know. It's not really about that, though. It's more about remembering what I intended to do and reconciling with what I had to do."

JJ tilted her head to the side with a slightly caustic expression. Her eyes were wide with regard. Emily was staring off into space. She was in her own world. Then she raised her eyebrows and snapped out of it.

"Anyway, it's late. Or really early. We'll get back at this in a couple hours…" Emily muttered as she stood from her desk and threw her bag over her shoulder. JJ and Penelope left the office together and Emily followed, turning off the lights and closing the door behind her. The three of them ended up waiting for the elevator together. Emily itched to hold JJ's hand but she didn't.

JJ glanced at her watch as she got in the passenger seat of the car. 3:55. She had to remember to thank Derek for watching the kids for so long. He never blinked. He was always there for them. During the drive home, JJ was only getting more stuck inside her head. She was going around in circles - working herself up. She needed to sleep and confront Emily in the morning. If she tried tonight she knew she would say something she regretted.

As they walked through the front door of their house, JJ put down her purse quickly and kicked off her shoes. Emily rushed to keep up with her. She finally caught up right as JJ was about to walk up the stairs.

"Jay, we need to talk."

JJ stopped, her hand resting on the banister. She sighed and closed her eyes painfully. She was so tired. She just wanted to sleep. "I can't. I - I don't want to do this right now."

"Well, I do," Emily said back frustrated.

JJ huffed and rolled her eyes, letting her anger take over for a moment. "Now you want to talk? Really? Emily, I have been begging you to talk to me for weeks!"

"Jay, I know you're angry with me. I can see that," Emily started. JJ cut her off.

"Very perceptive of you," JJ bit back, turning to continue up the stair but Emily reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Jennifer -" She forced her to turn and look at her.

"You can't go around telling unsubs to shoot you!" JJ unloaded angrily. Emily narrowed her eyes in confusion - that wasn't what she was expecting.

"David isn't -"

"He is! He's an unsub. He abducted and beat four people to death. He could've killed you, Emily."

"I know that." Emily conceded softly. She was still holding JJ's arm, but she loosened her grip slightly. Then in a whisper, "I also know that this is about more than just David…"

JJ shook her head a little. She looked off to the side, trying to hold the tears in her eyes. Emily let go of her arm. After a long moment, JJ brought her eyes back to stare at her wife. Her hands came to rest on her hips. Emily was right - she was angry with her. And on top of that, she was angry with herself for feeling that way. Emily took a tentative step towards JJ. Finally, she spoke.

"I tell you I want to have another baby and I get nothing?" Emily looked down shamefully. "Nothing?" JJ said again. A tear ran down her cheek and she turned away from Emily to wipe it away quickly. "You don't want to talk about it, you avoid the topic - what am I supposed to think, Emily?" JJ asked, voice cracking with emotion.

Emily began shaking her head back and forth. She closed the space between them quickly. If JJ was thinking that this meant Emily loved her any less, she thought wrong. And Emily was going to dispel her of those beliefs quickly. "I love you," Emily said firmly. She took JJ into her arms and held her tightly. It was never her intention to make her feel like this. And it felt like a tear in her chest to know she had. JJ pulled back out of the hug and gazed at Emily softly. Emily felt a wave of relief wash over her. She gave JJ an apologetic look. "Let's talk about it. I want to talk about it."

"But you don't want another baby, do you?"

"It's not that…"

Emily said in the ghost of a voice. She smiled meekly at JJ's look of anguish. Emily sighed and held JJ's hand, leading her over to the living room. They sat on the couch.

"When we had Michael and Henry, Hotch was the unit chief, but now I am. And I know we've been making it work, but Jay, we miss so much of their lives as it is… And I want to raise my own children. I'm scared that I'm becoming the mother who's absent."

JJ looked down and nodded her head. She swallowed tightly, mouth forming a hard line. It made sense - it had always been Emily's greatest fear about being a parent.

"I'm not saying no," Emily began, "I just need some time…"

JJ nodded her head. Still felt hurt, but she tried to remember that she had been thinking about another baby for nearly a year before she said anything. She'd dropped a bomb on Emily, and it wasn't fair to expect her to catch up that quickly.

Emily stared at JJ anxiously. She could read her tired expression. The moment dragged on until JJ stood and held her hand out. Emily paused for a moment before taking her wife's hand and walking with her to the stairs.