Noodle's wail was long and helpless, like that of someone falling into a deep abyss.

Russel's hand was left on 2D's cheek, attempting a final moment of connection. His eyes remained locked with 2D's, the singers eyes immediately seeming unfamiliar, an innocent vacancy that had become his trademark was now a much more soulless one.

Though Noodle was just a few feet away, the distance felt insurmountable. An attempt to crawl closer towards him was stopped by some force on her shoulder, she was too numb to accurately identify the source. She called out to him, then a second and third time, but she wasn't sure if sound actually emerged. It didn't seem like it, based on both Russel and 2D ignoring her.

When she tried to shake free of the force on her shoulder restraining her, it tightened, and then Murdoc was kneeling behind her, his grip on her shoulder replaced with a tight hug that was both for his comfort and her confinement.

"Oh, fuck…" She heard him whisper.

"You're wrong!" She finally yelled aloud. "Please tell me you're wrong!" She struggled to break free from Murdoc, who gripped tight to both of his wrists to secure the hug.

"I'm sorry, love." Murdoc said.

She grabbed each of his wrists and pressed hard on the bone, causing him to gasp and briefly release her. She turned and shoved him away hard, where he landed on his back, out of her reach. He might have been able to get to her again in time, but instead he stayed rooted to the spot, alone in his distance.

Noodle crawled to 2D's other side, opposite Russel. His hand was still on the singer's cheek, supporting his head. Noodle was mumbling incoherently throughout.

"No, no no no…"

What was left of his face stared up at the ceiling. She ran a trembling hand through his hair.

"Toochi, can you hear me? I'm sorry. We can get pizza if you want instead. I don't mind. Sorry for hurting you. Please? Please can we just get pizza? Please say something."

A small but steady steam of blood emerged from 2D's ear in response. She took his limp hand and pressed it against her cheek. It was ice cold.

Russel looked at the car in the doorway, observing the three of them.

"Fuckin' thing musta malfunctioned!" He spat, punching the ground with his free hand.

Murdoc cleared his throat. His voice was faint and faltering. "Russ." he said, sitting up and resting his arms on his knees. "Don't think it did. The wotsit that controlled it was stuck" he made a pushing motion with his hand, "pushing forward. Noodle's chair had it held down. Once I took it out I heard it stop."

"Thought you smashed it." Russel said, not looking at him.

"I did that after." Murdoc mumbled, then grumbled something truly incomprehensible, only the word "irritated" being audible.

It hit Noodle like a freight train. Her eyes darted between Russel and Murdoc. Russel tensed, understanding the situation half a second after she had.

"Oh my god. Oh my god, I didn't—So I—"

She yanked 2D's head from Russel and held it to her chest, whimpering.

"Noodle!" Russel cried.

She rocked back and forth with his head in her arms. "You sweet silly man. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to."

"Noodle." Russel repeated, "We need to call an ambulance."

Murdoc's hand trembled slightly as he lit a cigarette. "Should probably get the old bill here too." He said after exhaling.

Noodle looked at both of them. "We-we can't, they'll take too long. It's rush hour! Could take them an hour to get here."

"They got the lights."

"It's not an emergency like that, mate." Murdoc sighed, unhelpfully.

"And it's…" She released one hand from 2D's head and patted her pockets. "…my fucking phone is upstairs too! What time is it?"

Murdoc checked his watch.

"5:40."

It was 5:40 again. She was gradually starting to dread that time less and less, but this time that marked one month, approximately to the minute, that 2D died. Russel had asked Noodle how she was feeling a couple more times than normal that day, but apart from that nothing had been mentioned. Something was on the TV in the living room and was working well as something to stare at while she thought, grinding her teeth impatiently.

It had already been a couple days more than a couple days since her appointment with Deborah. Noodle was starting to believe that everyone on the planet was existing to make her as on-edge as possible. Russel had said it took Deborah weeks to find out how he was connected to Del, which had provided some reassurance, as well as the self-validation that maybe this had been a bit more complicated than Deborah anticipated. All the same, it wasn't quite enough to stop every hour from passing painfully slowly. She regretted telling her to call Russel instead of her. Any further delays to hearing what was going on, even if only a few minutes worth, was the last thing she wanted.

She glanced at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time and a figure made her jump. 2D was sitting on the sofa adjacent to her, watching the TV similarly absently.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"It's alright, just didn't know I was asleep." She sighed. She'd been seeing less of him since her appointment, their hangouts feeling more like minutes than the all-nighters of the previous week. It seemed to bear little relation to how long she slept, sometimes it was the 5 minutes it felt like, other times 11 hours straight.

"I didn't know you were asleep either. Is this that boring?" He pointed at the TV.

"I'm not really watching it."

The show's title flashed on the screen.

"Pointless?" 2D read aloud. "That's funny, name yourself after what people are gonna use against ya."

"I'm thinking of starting a new band called 'Shit Band.'"

"That's funny, too."

Noodle turned off the TV and turned to him.

"I've been meaning to ask something." She said.

"Alright."

"Why couldn't you get into the office? Was it because I wasn't in Kong?"

"I tried to get in," He said, sounding hurt. "They wouldn't let me."

"Who's they?"

"Dunno. Just wasn't allowed."

"Wanna know what I think?" She said, leaning back and resting a hand on her chin. 2D nodded. "I think you're not all the way gone. You need me to do something or get something for you to move on fully. To the other place." The last sentence had a mocking grandeur in its tone.

"Interesting." 2D mused. He didn't sound fully convinced.

"That's my theory, anyway." She sighed.

"And would you do it?"

"What?"

"If you're right" he started, looking down in thought, piecing the right words together "and I needed something to go fully, and leave you, like, proper, you'd be happy to do that?"

Noodle frowned at him.

When Noodle awoke Pointless had finished. Now on the TV were two stressed looking police-officers yelling at each other. She turned off the TV and headed to the kitchen.

Russel was at the table when she entered. He looked like he was nearly finished with his book. They exchanged polite smiles as Noodle turned the kettle on. She opened the cupboard and grabbed a teabag and a cup that had 'It takes 2D years to look this good!' printed on the side. She moved the box of teabags to the side and checked Murdoc's vials. Only a little bit left in the final bottle.

She instinctively reached for it, then froze. It occurred to her that Russel hadn't once been in the room when she'd put any of it in her food and drink before. It's not like it had been every day, just every few days when she was feeling particularly agitated.

She turned to check if Russel was looking. He wasn't, but looked up as soon as she eyed him, sensing the movement.

"Did you want a tea?" Noodle offered, successfully sounding relaxed.

He smiled, "I'm good baby, thanks."

She nodded and turned back, waiting. After a moment, she heard the flip of a page and acted, emptying the last of the vial into the cup, putting the empty bottle into her pocket to avoid clanging it against the cupboard.

Making the rest of her tea, she sipped at it as she leaned against the counter. "Movie tonight? I'm needing something new, stupid if possible."

Russel set the book down. The amount of pages left looked to be single figures. "We could do that. Pos was telling me about this documentary where these white families set their kids up as battle rappers, I'm talking like 8 years old, and boy do they say some shit."

"I more meant movies that stupid people would like, not movies with stupid people in them" She said with a grin.

"Sounds like you're picking it then."

"Oi." she chirped, and he chuckled. "Cool, think I'm gonna shower and get into some cleans, start after that?"

"Sounds like a plan, girl."

The vial was in the waste basket of her bedroom. Showered and dressed, Noodle reached under her bed and retrieved a bottle of Hibiki whiskey she'd ordered online, and downed a swig. While tucking it back under the bed, it collided with something. Noodle reached a bit further to grab and retrieve it.

Her phone, fully charged.

She inspected it hesitantly. Maybe she had been silly to cut herself off from the outside world. Maybe that was doing more harm than good in the long run. Russel had said people were being mostly supportive, and that was over a fortnight ago. If there was the occasional troll or someone making a joke in bad taste, she could handle that.

She thought about what 2D had said earlier. It was painful and embarrassing to admit, but currently she wouldn't want to do anything to risk losing him. Even if it brought him peace, even if it brought her closure. She needed him now as much as she did when he was alive, maybe even more so. It wasn't fair, to either of them. She needed to move forward. And this was going to be the first step.

Noodle opened Instagram, flicked to DM's, and began to read.

Russel was sealing a blank envelope when Noodle entered the living room. Hearing her footsteps, he called back without looking at her.

"Know what you wanna watch?"

No response. He shrugged.

"Before we get started, I was gonna give you this after Deb got in touch," he stood up from the sofa with a small grunt, "but I figured now seems like a good time to…"

He trailed off as he turned to look at her.

Noodle was on her phone, tapping, reading and scrolling robotically.

They both remained frozen for a while. Russel could do no more, save for snatching the phone out of her hand. He considered it. But that was too far. He might have gone too far already.

Noodle looked up at him. Her eyes were cold and frightening, eyes appearing sunken back, unintentionally giving away the simplistic emotions she was feeling in that moment.

Betrayal.

"You lied." She whispered.

"Noodle, listen…" He began, hoping an ending would come naturally. He'd never get to find out.

"You told me it wasn't that bad. I believed you. You lied to me."

"I didn't lie. I said it wasn't as bad as I thought, and it wasn't."

She looked back down at her phone and read aloud. "You talentless bitch, praying it's you next" she clicked another message, "I hope you hate yourself forever, because I certainly will" another, "knew you hadn't lost it, you murdering psycho"

"Stop reading." Russel stepped closer, "Nothing good is gonna come of this." She held out a hand to stop him and kept reading.

"Not even gonna come on here to say anything? You coward. Do you even feel bad?" She backed away as Russel tried to get closer "I wish you'd died in that windmill—"

"STOP!" Russel bellowed.

"Where's the positivity, Russ?!" She spat back, volume nearing a scream "Where's support, understanding, anything?! 'Stupid Asian driver whore', have you seen that one?! You told me I shouldn't face it, that there was nothing to face. You sheltered me. Again! You thought I couldn't take it! You were so sure I couldn't that you lied to me!"

Russel swallowed. "I was sheltering you." He agreed quietly, "I thought it was the right thing. I was wrong."

It did nothing to quell her. "So I go on to message some friends and start having a life outside these walls, y'know, like you wanted?! None of them have messaged me. Half of them have blocked me! What messages DO I have? 'My wife doesn't have instagram but she told me to tell you she hates you.' GET AWAY FROM ME!" She screamed, seeing Russel getting close in her peripheral vision.

"Those people never cared about us. They just exist to hate. They're nothing." Russel tried to reason.

"Oh here's a positive one!" She said, voice breaking, breathing rapidly. "Sorry yeah, here's a nice one. 'Still would.' I feel better already!"

"They'd never say anything like this to you in real life. And you wouldn't give these sorta words the time of day normally." Russel pleaded. "You can't start now."

She turned and walked to the corner of the living room, as far from Russel as possible. He didn't pursue. She pressed another message.

"When I was a kid my parents divorced," Noodle read, "I pretty much only lived with my mum. She tried to teach me that kindness and understanding for others was the most important value you can have in your life, because you don't know the lives that others have lived. Forgive, listen and learn. And don't tear down others to build yourself up. She died when I was 14, and I lived with my dad after that. He told me that humans are designed to manipulate and take advantage of each other. And I needed to learn to do it better than anyone else if I wanted to succeed at anything. Kindness was weakness that others would exploit, and forgiveness was just telling wrong people they were actually right. I'd never amount to anything if I gave people the benefit of the doubt."

Noodle took a shaky breath before continuing. Russel looked at the envelope in his hand.

"I wanted to believe he was wrong so bad, but it was hard, most successful people were like he said. But then I found out about 2D. What Murdoc had done to him, what he'd gone through, things no person should ever forgive, or keep any sort of positivity through. But 2D did. And he had everything. He taught me that yeah, people will try to manipulate or control you, but it's for their benefit. You're still in control of yours. It was harder to get what you want in life while being kind, definitely. But he did it. And so could I."

Noodle sniffed and wiped tears from her eyes. Her voice was faltering uncontrollably.

"But I was wrong. He died. Good people die when they shouldn't, that's all that ever seems to happen. My only inspiration in the entire world is gone. I'm so scared for what my life will be now. Someone's going to kill me. And they'll hide behind others after they do it. I hate that you did this, Noodle."

She dropped her arm to the side, where the phone lazily toppled out of her hand, landing on the floor.

"I'm so sorry." Russel said.

Noodle said nothing. She leaned back against the wall, covering her face with her hands, shoulders shaking slightly.

"I think you need to have this." Russel offered , holding up the envelope.

Noodle freed one hand to look at what he was referring to. "What is it." She said, voice too empty to even phrase it as a question.

Russel hesitated. He had wanted her to open it herself. But none of this had gone the way he wanted it to. "It's a ticket to Osaka. Open return. So you could take as long as you needed, just book when you wanted to come back. If you wanted to come back. And we'd sort whatever was going on in your head then, if it's still there."

Noodle's other hand dropped form her face. A confused frown in his direction came across more as a scowl.

"Why would you do that?" She demanded.

"I did mean what I said. This place is no good for you right now. And maybe this part of the world isn't either. It hurts to see you wasting away with all the booze and Muds' weird juice and—"

"Wait a minute!" Noodle cut him off, feeling more offended with every sentence, "You know about that?"

"Of course!" Russel yelled back, his exasperation reaching a boiling point. "I get the goddamn groceries and pay the goddamn bills, you think I haven't seen those bottles emptying?!"

"So you were so concerned" Noodle hissed in a mocking tone, "about what I was doing to myself, but you thought hey, instead of talking to her, I'll send her to the other side of the world where she won't be my problem—"

"AM I SUPPOSED TO PROTECT YOU OR NOT?!" Russel boomed, making the walls feel like they were shaking, "I can't stop you doing anything! I'm trying to offer you better directions! I am trying so…" he stopped to breathe, calming himself. Noodle steadied herself. His anger was alarming, but he didn't deserve to see it. "I am trying my best." He offered finally. "I am."

Noodle swallowed, her own anger still simmering. Every attempt of his to help had done nothing but humiliate her.

"Maybe that's your problem." She said coldly. "Stop trying. Stop thinking about me."

She picked her phone up and put it in her pocket.

She stormed out of the living room, having just enough time to point at Russel's envelope.

"You can fuck that ticket off and all."

The slam of the bedroom door wasn't enough. Noodle turned and kicked it half a dozen times, a scream accompanying the last few.

"Treats me like a damn child." She muttered to no one. She reached under the bed and grabbed the whiskey.

"I'm having more to drink!" She yelled through the door, "Though I guess you'd find that out!"

She took a few swigs in quick succession and collapsed on the bed.

She took her phone out. The screen sported a new, large crack across the centre, making her face appear split in half down the middle.

Noodle unlocked it. The last DM she read greeting her upon opening. She closed the app and opened her messages, finding the contact titled "Arsehole".

The last message she'd sent Murdoc was the details for the funeral. They'd been ignored, of course.

She typed rapidly, redoing words frequently to counter her thumbs clumsiness with the spelling and autocorrect.

'need to talk to you in person, ASAP. not about what you did, I don't care. get back to me soon if you want to keep your fingers. i don't want to hurt you, but I can. russel does want to hurt you, and he can. we can find you easily if we wanted to.'

She pressed send. To her surprise, it was read almost immediately. Only a moment later, the typing dots began to flash.

Noodle ran a hand through her hair as she waited. It was early evening but the sun had long gone.

Her phone vibrated as a message emerged.

'Loving the bravado in those threats. Not very necessary though, I'd say. Just ask if you want to talk, Girlie. You said it yourself, I'm easy to find. Remember the pub I tend to frequent?'