Total Drama Homespun, Episode 6: Disaster Becomes You
...
Second chapter of the day. I have a bit of a backlog of them and I'd like to stay on schedule. Next episode will be out in two days.
Once again a single review last episode so I'll say thank you to That Guy for that. One of the benefits of rewriting the story is having a better idea of where it's going. There's a lot of foreshadowing that'll be resolved during the big three-parter next episode, and I'm happy to see people have been taking notice.
...
"Last time on Total Drama Homespun," Chris begins. "Nineteen houseguests, one giant flesh monster! A combination that makes for a killer camping trip. The Ordinals hoofed it on foot and got a little hot and bothered, while the Supertasks hit the road, and skirted the rules a little by fixing their family camper van with pieces of a vehicle I told them was off limits. Kinda cheating if you ask me, but I'm not going to worry. Also, on my things not worth being concerned about, it seems Alucard's got a little bit of a supercharge from all those monsters he ate. I'm sure we'll be able to handle it.
Today's episode the contestants definitely won't be able to handle! Dare I say? Things are about to get cataclysmic!"
….
There's a new morning ritual starting to take shape in the Rodney House.
For the second day in a row, Entrapta was helping Chef serve breakfast, at least nominally that's what was intended to be happening.
In actuality, she's lost herself in the excitement of catching up with her new friend, Olivia Octavius.
"…Rodney says I'm a natural with the house!" She says, excitedly spooning a dollop of oatmeal onto her friend's plate. "He had me help program today's challenge and he was so impressed."
"Oh good for you, 'Trapa!" Olivia says smiling sweetly. "I knew you'd be great at this job, with that big brain of yours."
Entrapta half laughs, half snorts.
"How's the rest of the staff? The other Princesses treating you well?"
"They're nice! They'd fit right in back home on Etheria. Lovely bunch, oh and Chris is munch kinder as a co-worker than a host."
"That's debatable." Chef grunts.
"How are things on the team?" Entrapta asks. "Congratulations on winning again yesterday."
"Oh, thanks! Everyone's really excited about that. Well, I mean… your team isn't."
She casts her eyes to the opposing team, all looking almost comically forlorn, then chuckles and adjusts the octagonal rims of her glasses.
"Obviously they're still getting used to losing, but for us Supertasks victory couldn't be sweeter. Morale's up across the team. Even Herlock's more excitable than he usually is."
On the other side of the room, Penny Crayon gets up from one of the cafeteria tables, returning her tray after a rather substanceless helping of Chef's cuisine.
Suddenly she's nearly knocked off her feet. Her team's resident 19th century detective has all but pounced on her.
"AHA! Penny my dear! It's all come together!"
"Oy!" She squeals, tray crashing to the floor. "Have a little respect for personal boundaries, will you!? Had they not invented them in your time then?"
"I apologize!" Herlock says quickly, retreating to a respectable distance. "That was unprofessional. And yet I must press upon you the monumentality of what's transpired." He grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her like a ragdoll, excitedly.
"My Brillance! Miss Crayon! My staggering genius! Don't you see!? It's all come together as I said it would!"
"Hang on…" Penny says, catching up to the source of the detective's mania. "This is about that big secret mystery you were on about yesterday? Isn't it?"
"Precisely!" Herlock declares jubilantly.
"You've got your culprit then do you Dennis-er Detective?" Penny asks. "Who is it?"
Herlock laughs. "Who else could it have been? It was exactly the person you my dear suspected the least."
"Wait…"
Penny suddenly looks from Herlock to Tenpenny, sitting on the other side of the room and buried in the midst of a conversation with Steve.
"Wait here, that's impossible!" She croaks. "You're certain?"
"Undeniably so," Herlock smirks. "…and even better, I know who his co-conspirator is."
"Co-conspirator!" Penny yelps.
A few heads turn her way. Herlock covers her mouth.
"We'll discuss this later in private," He says.
…
Everything from the warm nightlights to the rounded pieces of furniture suggests nothing but utmost coziness in the shared bedroom where Peach and her friends are staying, all three of them happily sleeping.
That is until Conner barges in.
"PEACH!"
The princess emerges from under a pile of toads.
"Conner! My stars! Whatever's the matter?"
Conner doesn't respond, he's standing in the doorframe giving her a hard look.
"Conner?"
"Princess do you… sleep in the same bed as you're subject?"
"Only a dozen or so at a time." She says innocently. "It's a special privilege they get when their number comes up in the raffle."
Conner shakes his head.
"Why'd you barge in here anyway?" Daisy yawns. "It's still early."
"Something's up," Conner says. "My TV powers are going haywire. I think Chris is up to something again."
"Have you talked to him?" Asks Peach. Conner shakes his head again.
"He seems to have disappeared."
"That is some cause for concern." Rosalina agrees. "Have you checked his lodgings?"
"Everywhere but Rodney's Study."
"Why would he be there?" Daisy laughs, checking the clock. "It's still crazy early. Chris wouldn't skip his morning routine unless he was really excited about something."
There's a pause in conversation, as all four of them consider something. Then all at once, they're dashing out of the room, still in their pyjamas and nightgowns.
…
Just as predicted they find Chris and the rest of the staff in Rodney's study, alert and preoccupied.
"What are you up to today Chris?" Conner asks
"Well look who finally decided to get up?" Chris says without taking his eyes off the screen. "You guys enjoy some extra rest? Figured I'd let you sleep in today?"
"But it's still early," Peach says.
"It's not, Chris just asked me to set all your clocks back," Entrapta explains, showing them the correct time on the console.
"What did he hope to accomplish in doing so?" Inquires Rosalina.
"We've got a pretty quiet challenge today for the houseguests and you know, you four have been working so hard, I figure I'd be nice and let you all catch up on your beauty sleep."
All four glance at each other.
"Mr McLean even I can't believe that out of the goodness of my heart," Peach admits.
Rodney chuckles. "I warned you deception would get you nowhere Christopher."
Chris sighs.
"Alright fine, be that way. I offer you a pleasure alternative to the truth but apparently, you're too good for it."
"Christopher was intrigued let's sake by the results of yesterday's challenge, so he requested we build upon them for today's event," Rodney explains.
"…And I didn't think you dudes would approve so I decided to start without you."
"You what?" Conner says, raising an eyebrow. "Chris, I haven't even been here to film. What are you doing to them?"
"Observe."
They glance up at the large monitors. Both teams are standing on the deck of their own egregiously sized superyacht in the middle of a vast desert reservoir. The two yachts are each top-of-the-line and saturated with all the obscenely luxurious trappings of the ultra-wealthy. The contestants for their part are using exactly none of these fineries. Instead, they're all gathered around the sterns of their vessels, fishing.
Conner laughs sardonically, elbow out he leans onto the console and locks eyes with Chris.
"Alright… under different circumstances, that would actually have been pretty funny. What's the real challenge though?"
Chris chuckles.
"Let's all find out together shall we?"
…
The contestants stand by their lines, nearly unanimous in their boredom. They hadn't believed Chris either when he had told them earlier in the morning they'd be doing a fishing challenge, yet fishing was what they'd be instructed to do for the time being.
Curiously all of them today seem to be wearing a white plastic belt.
Few look surprised when the holograph of Chris appears in the sky.
"Contestants! We having fun fishing yet?"
"NO!" Miko yells.
"Nah," Steve says.
"I'm having a good time," Tenpenny chimes in jovially. "If I'll I got to do to beat the other guys again is fish it ain't no thing."
"IN YOUR DREAMS PEASANTS!" Squawks the Ordinals' most abrasive member. "THE GREAT AND MIGHTY VULTUREMAN WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED IN FISHING!"
Miko slumps over the side of their yacht and looks up at the hologram of their host pleadingly.
"Chris! Please! Please! Please! Pleaaase! Make something happen."
Chris laughs once more.
"Good news for you! Entrapta's just finished calibrating the explosive charges, being we're ready to get this show on the road."
"What was that middle part?" Zelda asks fretfully.
"Might want to hold on to something houseguest… in ten! Nine! Eight!"
There's a cataclysmic noise and the dam that was holding their reservoir explodes sending millions of litres of water downstream, and the cast and their yachts along with them.
Chris chuckles guiltily.
"Oops! Looks like they went off a little early! My bad!"
Both yachts careen down a narrow canyon, the teams clinging desperately to their vessels as expansive furniture and bottles of alcohol ricochet about inside like pinballs.
"What do we do to not die!?" Steve yelps.
"Get to the wheel!" Bruce barks.
The Supertasks white knuckle grip their way to their yachts bridge, Sam being the first one to make it to the helm.
"You think you can get that thing under control?" Tenpenny asks.
"Control may prove to be a dangerously relative term here," Sam says pessimistically, attempting to wrestle the wheel into submission.
Things are if possible worse over on the Ordinals Yacht
"WHAT DO WE DO!?" Miko shouts!
"I don't know!" Cries their captain, Fry.
"How do we not die!?" Wallace demands.
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Do any of you idiots have anything helpful to offer in the slightest!?" Shego shouts.
Fry clasps either side of his head.
"OH GOD I DON'T KNOW!"
The hologram of Chris reappears for both teams.
"So Houseguests, you might have realized that the whole fishing thing was a red herring."
"No!? Really!? You're blowing my mind here Chris!" Steve snaps.
"Today's challenge is another three-parter. First part is racing your yacht down this canyon. First team to reach the end or the last one to die wins. Good luck!"
The hologram disappears.
"Was it 'Last one to die' he said?" Elizabeth asks uncertainly.
…
"Did you say 'Last one to die?'" Conner asks Chris.
"It's fine. Just trust me and don't worry about it."
Conner gives him a look.
"I'll have you know I don't trust you, and I'm exceedingly worried about it."
Chris folds his hands behind his head.
"That sounds like a you problem."
…
Untamed torrents of water bounce the Ordinals' yacht to and fro like it was a paper boat in a storm drain.
"Alucard! Buddy!? Now'd be a much better time than yesterday to unleash those vampire powers of yours!" Fry says, voice growing shrill with panic. "You've been talking about how powerful you are now all morning. Maybe help us out a little?"
Alucard grimaces fearsomely. "I'm afraid you'll have to get some other stooge to do your bidding."
"KATARA!" Fry bellows.
"I don't know what I can do! I'm not used to trying to bend this much water!" She says fretfully.
"This seems like a fantastic time to try doesn't it!?" Wallace shouts.
"Then hold on!"
"What do you think we've been doing!?" Miko demands.
Katara concentrating as much as circumstance will allow it, awkwardly raises a single hand. The thunderous waves beneath them shift, surging them forward right toward the canyon wall.
"OTHER WAY!" Shego bellows.
The yacht clips it and flips.
"Finish line dead ahead!" Max calls.
Sure enough, they've nearly reached a place where the canyon spills out all at once into a flat basin. Stretched across the end of the canyon is a bright red finish line
"We're actually going to make it, How 'bout that?" Penny says relieved. "We may all actually make it out of this in one piece."
A loud sound and a shadow above draw her team's attention. As if in slow motion Their Ordinals yacht overtakes theirs, the ship sailing through the air upside down and (somehow) on fire. The entire team besides Alucard, screaming. Zelda waves at him. He waves back.
"…Or not."
The Ordinal yacht breezes past the finish line and slams into hoodoo, instantly erupting into a fiery explosion that incarnates the ship.
…
In the study, Peach shrieks in horror, Conner and Rosalina blanche noticeably, Chef Hatchet groans, Chris and Daisy cackle, and Entrapta watches on in passive interest.
Rodney gives them all a slightly feeble look.
"I assure you it's not as bad as it looks. The Ordinals are alright."
…
Water surges out into the flat plains in every which way, cascading torrents slowly exhausting themselves until the floods recede leaving nothing but a scoured, muddy landscape. The Supertask superyacht grounds itself into the earth and comes to a halt. The team hoping down off it, having just seen their competition explode, Bruce, Elizabeth, Steve and Penny look stunned, the other five seeming much less affected.
A trapdoor opens in the earth and out of it rises the staff. Steve gives them an accusing glance.
"What the hell guys?"
"All part of the challenge." Chris declares.
"What? Murdering the entire other team was part of the challenge?"
Chris laughs.
"Pretty funny right? Let's hear what they have to think."
At the base of the smouldering ruins of the rock column that had obliterated the Ordinals, there's a curious sight on the ground. Ten large white balls of fabric have seeming bloomed from the damp desert soil, some of them wriggling slightly.
Rodney walks over to one of them calmly and presses an index finger into it. The form deflates revealing a startled but otherwise unharmed Fry.
"What happened? Blacked out! I Am I dead!?" His eyes spot Chris. "Chris!? Is that you, or I am in Hell and the devil looks just like you?"
"Interesting theory. But no, good news, you're alive. In fact, so is your whole team!"
The other Ordinals emerge from their bubbles, looking equally bewildered.
"How did that happen?" Jack asks.
"It was those belts they granted us at the beginning of the day," Zelda says, looking to Chris imploringly. "Is that correct?"
"That it was!" Rodney says. "Very observant Zelda."
The Princess smiles shyly.
"My House can be calibrated to remove potentially lethal sets of physics and temperatures from the algorithm." The squirrel explains. "But today we're going to have you wear those belts as an extra safety precaution, should your body be struck by an otherwise life-ending impact or trauma, a set of cushions will instantly envelope you, protecting you from all physical harm."
Max whistles. "Gee whizz that sounds real niffy. With this baby, I can finally see what it'd be like to hurl myself off a cliff."
"Max little buddy, you didn't tell me life's been getting you so down lately." Sam comments.
"Who me Sam? Gosh no, I've been on the up and up lately, I'm just a thrill seeker is all."
"There'll be plenty of chances for thrills today," Chris assures them. "Today's going to be a throwback to classic everyone remembers from Total Drama Action,"
"Yeah, all of us still haven't seen the old seasons," Steve says.
"I know, and I'm very disappointed. Back in season two, we were all about doing movie genre sendups, one of which was a disaster movie-themed challenge. Back then we were limited to what we had on hand at the old abandoned film lot, so we basically just ran the cast through an obstacle course on a shake table and some other thing I blacked out of my memory for some reason. We didn't say have it in the budget to say blow up Toronto. But now!"
Chris laughs with concerning glee.
"Now! With Rodney's House, this show's basically got an unlimited budget meaning I can now do my old challenge idea the apocalyptic justice it deserves. Get ready Houseguests! Today's going to be one heck of a disaster!"
He cackled gleefully. Further out in the desert what looks to be several nuclear explosions denotation simultaneously, silhouetting their host against a sea of world-ending flames.
Wallace takes a sardonic sip of his cosmopolitan.
"Sometimes I envy Raggedy Ann,"
…
The show breaks for commercials and Conner and the ladies are given time to properly dress and wake the Toads.
When they return to Rodney's study, Rosalina's frowning severely. Conner wearing the same look of half-amused disapproval he welds to most of what comes from Chris's mouth.
"Christopher you seem to have a kind of cruel fondness for torturing your guests," Rosalina says.
"You're just noticing that now?" Chris asks bluntly.
"Rod, remember when we were trying to tone this guy down?" Conner asks the Squirrel. "Good times, what happened to them?"
"What happened is after that whole Flesh Pit fiasco this whole Rodney House thing you've got going on finally clicked with me," Chris says putting an arm around Rodney. "This place basically runs on cartoon logic, and there's no limit to the size of what we create! Meaning I can blow up as much stuff and hurl as much lava at our cast as I want and thanks to Rodney's baby-proofing, it'll never hurt them!"
"Glad to see you learned the worst possible lesson from yesterday."
"Would it kill you to be a little open-minded for once O'Gleeson? Today'll be fun."
Conner sighs, the feed returns to the contestants now standing in what seems to be the platonic ideal of a large American city. An unending sprawl of blocky skyscrapers and grey office complexes without much in the way of any noticeable landmarks.
…
The contestants stand amidst this metropolis with unpleasant anticipation.
Chris and the rest of the staff appear in the sky once more, a towering holographic figure.
"Who's ready for part two of our disaster challenge?"
"I'm ready for this to be over!" Katara offers.
"Are we going to get an explanation before we begin this time?" Zelda asks.
"That would be ideal." Elizabeth agrees.
"Don't worry! This one's going to be real easy." Chris offers. "There's two rules, firstly, no sabotaging each other, second and more important rule, everyone gets three lives this round, last team with people still standing wins,"
"Christopher! Let me use my powers!" Alucard demands up to his celestial host. "That taste of battle yesterday hasn't satiated this moronic boredom you people have been trying to suffocate me with."
Chris raises an eyebrow.
"You sure about that? You ate a lot of bugs last night dude? But I mean sure, go for it if you feel like it. Powers are on the table; not like it'll help you."
Alucard laughs.
"So, like a dog such as yourself to doubt me."
Chris brushes off the insult with a sly grin. Then ends the hologram.
"Vampire man still seems like he's all fired up from last challenge." Chef notes.
"Good for him," Chris says unconcerned. "Rodney! The controls if please?"
Rodney inputs something into the console and the entire thing changes, the controls now a series of buttons imprinted with deceptively innocent symbols of various catastrophes on them.
"Alucard isn't the only one on his A Game today," Chris says cranking first both knuckles, then his neck.
"Now! Let's all sit back and watch a true master of the craft operate, by which I mean me! Chef! Entrapta! Rodney! Let's get this party started! Tornados!"
Chef presses a button. On their display, dark clouds begin gathering over the contestant's heads.
"Volcanos!"
High-rise buildings crumble to the ground as entire mountainous columns of ash and flame erupt from the earth.
"Typhons! Hurricane! Earthquakes! SMOG!"
The winds pick up, lightning flashes, the ground trembles, the cast bolts for cover and glass facades begin shattering around them.
"Today's going to be another shitty one, I can tell," Wallace remarks bitterly. A second later he's crushed by a falling road sign.
Chris holds a hand up dramatically.
"Music!"
Entrapta scampers to the back of the room and puts a CD into its drive, a moment later there comes the fast-paced opening drum beats of R.E.M's most famous song.
That's great, it starts with an earth-
-quake
Birds and snakes, and aeroplanes
And Lenny Bruce is not afraid
Cars without drivers crash through the streets one side swiping Meg, her belt inflates, then deflates, she's lost a life.
… Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn
World serves its own needs
Don't mis-serve your own needs
Speed it up a notch, speed, grunt, no, strength
The ladder starts to clatter
With a fear of height, down, height
Wire in a fire, represent the seven games
And a government for hire and a combat site
Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry
With the Furies breathing
Down
your
neck
Vultureman, Elizabeth, Katara and Zelda all show their unfamiliarity with the modern world by attempting to seek shelter in a gas station. It promptly explodes.
… Team by team, reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low plane,
fine,
then
Uh oh, overflow, population, common group
But it'll do, save yourself, serve yourself
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed
Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right, right
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light
Steve, Tenpenny and Bruce try and hunker down in a basement, and just as quickly find it filling with quicksand.
Outside Fry's running every which way dodging lightning strikes
Feeling
Pretty
Psyched
He avoids them all, and it near immediately flatted by a piece of hail the size of a van.
… It's the
end of the world as we know it It's the
end of the world as we know it It's the
end of the world as we know it
and I feel fine
Shego, Sam, and Max are swept off the ground by gale-force winds, sending them flying into an electric substation, which promptly explodes.
The ground begins cracking under everyone's feet.
Jack's diving for cover.
… The other night I drifted nice continental drift divide
Mountains sit in a line,
The shaking lets up, he looks around.
Leonard Bernstein
An entire concert hall falls from the sky on top of him.
Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs
Birthday party, cheesecake, jellybean, boom
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam but neck, right,
right
Vultureman's struck by a commuter train, his belt doesn't go off yet, instead the avian caws in terror, pinned to the front of the train as it derails and crashes into a chemical plant.
That of course, promptly explodes.
… It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
Chris paws at his commands like a concert pianist
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
The ground surges upwards and buckles, lava pouring out, Skyscrapersare lifted from theirfoundations and crash into each other in mid-air, raining debris
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
I feel fine…
… It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
Tornados duel in the streets, sandstorms and blizzards blow past, mudslides, landslides and avalanches blow everything away the cast helpless. All but Alucard who seemed to handling himself well.
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
And I feel fine…
Conner and Rosalina glance uncertainly at one another as Chris cackles like a madman.
"And my second-grade teacher said blowing up cities wasn't a realistic career option!"
"Chris, we throw a lot of sarcastic quips at each other, but I mean this for once in total seriousness. You worry me." Conner deadpans.
…
By the time Chris has gotten the initial wave of destruction out of the way about half the cast are out of lives or down to their last. Those that have failed stuck puffed up in their inflated safety chambers, cut off from the world and looking like oversized cauliflower or pieces of popcorn.
Penny Crayon leaps through the air, narrowly avoiding the collapse of an office tower, wishing she could draw fast enough to keep pace with their host's manic energy.
"Over here!"
She spots Herlock waving to her from the relative safety of a half-collapsed carpark. She dives for his shelter, Miko emerges from the ruins of a burnt-out bus and rushes over to join them, Herlock holds out a hand.
"I'm afraid not my dear! Supertasks only!"
"Come on!" She wines. "That's not FaAGH!"
The ground opens behind her, dropping Miko into a pit of lava. Her belt inflates and then deflates leaving her mid-air over the pit.
"Oh come on! Seriously!?"
She plummets again, and before she hits lava the belt inflates and deflates again, leaving her in mid-air, again.
"DUDE!"
It all happens for a third time.
"Ugh!"
Once more she falls into the fiery pit. Her belt inflates a final time and stays inflated, Miko's out of lives.
Penny piers into the chasm.
"Ah, that was a real unlucky go at it, wasn't it?"
"You needn't worry over her Dearest Penny, she's an enemy," Herlock says dutifully. "What matters most now is the enemies within our ranks, and our corrupted captain."
"I still can't believe it really," Penny admits. "Tenpenny a double agent, after all he's done for us. The thought of it's hard to bear honestly."
"Such is always the nature of crime," Reports Herlock. "But it's true, I heard him last night with my own ears! After everyone had retired for the evening, he had a private conversation with Shego from the other team."
"Really? Her? What'd they say?"
"Oho! The most nefarious things! They made a pact plan to take turns sabotaging the teams until all their competition for the money was out of the way."
"The Rotters! What else?"
"What does it matter what else? Tenpenny began laughing about his villainy and I tuned them out afterwards, no use hearing them gloat after that, I had what I needed."
"You do have proof though, don't you?" Penny asks.
"Of course! I have my word as a detective." Herlock assures her. Penny seems unconvinced.
"You've got a tall order, that might not be enough."
Herlock chuckles.
"I have my backups, rest assured I'll reveal everything when the time is right. Though this it seems may prove problematic in the foreseeable future."
Lava has begun springing out of the ground and flooding the building.
"Does seem to be a bit of a bother that," Penny says causally. "Got any lives left?"
"None."
"Neither do I. See any escape route?"
"Also, none."
"Drat. Well, I suppose it's been an honour then Detective."
"You as well Miss Crayon."
They wait patiently for the lava to touch them (Convection is apparently not in play at the moment) before being enveloped in their safety balloons.
Elsewhere in the rapidly crumbling cityscape, Elizabeth scurries between different shelters across a freeway. She makes for an odd figure, a 19th-century literary protagonist lost within a scene that could have come from a 21st-century action blockbuster, delicately holding her skirts up and surveying the surrounding devastation not with horror but bemusement.
"Elizabeth!"
She turns. Steve Harrington is ducked under a ruined car staring at her indignantly.
"What are you crazy? Find some cover before another flaming tornado passes by."
"Yes, that one in particular was unpleasant wasn't it?" She reflects. "Though standing still may not be the best option either."
As if to prove her point a meteor falls between them, showering them both with debris. Steve scampers out from under the vehicle.
"Maybe we should keep moving."
"That may be an idea with merit."
More meteors fall, then jog down the road in a snaking pattern, trying their best to dodge them.
"Quite the spirited day isn't it?" She muses.
"Yeah, what day hasn't been so far?" He replies.
"I'll concede to that."
Steve blows out his cheeks in a long-exhausted exhale.
"Hell of a game right?"
"That's quite the appropriate way to phrase it, McLean certainly brings the image of Beelzebub." She says with a very 21st century roll of her eyes. "I don't regret my participating in this strange game, but there are days it makes me long to be back home, at Longbourn. Even by young sister Mary's piano performances seem tame in comparison."
"Honestly compared to some of the crazy shit that's happened back at Hawkins… yeah I'd still rather be doing this."
Elizabeth gives him a sly grin.
"If that is so, remind to never visit that fledging republic you colonists have established in America."
"I mean America's great. Best country anywhere. Hawkins is normally a nice place too when there's not like… weird demons or Russians or whatever around."
"Seems you've had a rather unfortunate series of disasters of your own."
"We've had a rough couple years," Steve admits.
They dodge a downed electrical tower.
"Still… never imagined I'd be doing something as insane as this. What about you?"
"You'd be surprised to hear I'd imagine exactly such circumstances quite often."
"Did you?" Steve asks deeply taken aback. "No way you did not, how exact we talking…"
He trails off. Elizabeth is laughing at him, though her smile is so pleasing he doesn't seem to mind. He laughs slightly as well.
"Just a bit of cheek." She relents.
"Yeah, I, uh, I got that."
They pause, her smiling at him. He's caught off guard by how lovely the expression suits her and it's left smiling as well. That is until he's eyes catch something behind her. She frowns at his change in expression.
"Something the matter?"
He points, she looks. They're standing next to an overturned Tanker truck, gasoline spilling from its breached tank and pooling onto the freeway, where it's about to make contact with a flaming piece of debris.
"Ah…" Elizabeth says softly.
…
In Rodney's study, the large screens enveloped the room in an orange glow as Steve and Elizabeth are hurled to their fiery doom, both of their belts inflating mid-air.
Daisy cheers.
"All right! Nice shot!"
"Thank you!" Chris says.
"Can I try?"
"Knock yourself out," Chris says, getting up. "Just don't be too depressed when you're nowhere near the master of disasters I am."
"Oh yeah? Watch this!"
She slams down some of the controls. On-screen lightning strikes Fry repeatedly until he inflates.
"There! Behind the car!" Entrapta cries suddenly. "I think that's Jack!"
"I think you're right!" Daisy declared.
A shower of hail rains down on the car. Jack goes flailing out of it in a panic before a meteorite lands on him. Daisy and Entrapta laughing merrily at the sight along with Chef and Chris.
"Do you really fun that funny Daisy?" Rosalina asks.
"Yeah! Of course," The Princess says innocently. "Like Chris says, we're not really hurting anyone."
Her friends give her a sombre look.
"Not every kind of pain leaves a mark on the body."
"I'm sure he'll be fine Rosie. Maybe I spooked him a little but he'll get over it."
"What if you've done something lasting to him?"
Daisy looks perplexed.
"Lasting? How so? People always get over stuff. Luigi always gets over it when I sneak up behind him and scare him, Entrapta got over all that stuff Chris did to her."
"That was fun," Entrapta agrees.
"Daisy's right," Peach says more diplomatically. "Everything on this production is all in good fun, no matter how…"
They watch as Jack is swept away by a flood.
"…Frightening it seems in the moment. Everyone will certainly remember their time as a fun adventure, filled with laughs and smiles, as I do my time on Endless."
There's a loud ding, and the staff all look up.
"Was that your doorbell Rodney?"
"Was it? Odd. I'm not expecting anyone," Rodney says.
"I'll handle that," Conner says getting up resignedly.
"I will accompany you." Rosalina offers.
"Ah, Rosie stay! You'll miss part of the challenge!" Daisy says.
"That is fine, I think I've seen enough laughs and smiles as dear Princess Peach calls them."
The two gods slink off into the hall.
"Bless the stars for an excuse to be away from that terrible challenge." Rosalina sighs.
"Don't speak too soon," Conner warns.
He opens the front door and sighs to himself. Whatever ominous locals he was expecting fail to materialize. Instead, there's a familiar figure turquoise-haired mermaid waiting for them, perched on the step in her large glass fish bowl.
"Hiya!"
"Welcome back Perky," Conner says scowling.
"Thanks!" She chirps. "A little squid told me you were looking for a new intern."
"Not interested!"
He makes to slam the door.
"WAIT!" Perky cries. "I come with really great references."
Conner leaves the door open a crack and waits impatiently
Another figure leaps onto the step. A short semi-humanoid Cephalopod-esque creature wearing and skirt that conceals its legs and a cloth over its face.
"Fuck YOU Rodney House!" Cries the squid, passionately gesticulating at his friend. "If you're dumb enough to get a new intern this weekend, you're a big enough smuts to come to Yerdey Yisme and his Bastard Fish!"
"Not interested," Conner says with unusual forcefulness.
"Ah come on! I wasn't done the bit!" Yerdey Yisme wines. "I hadn't even gotten to the part about challenge pissing."
"We already have a replacement for Jermey! Goodbye!"
He forces the door closed.
Rosalina's staring at him curiously.
"Friends of yours?"
"Bad memories from Endless," Conner admits. Rosalina frowns.
"Yes… There were a lot of those were there?"
Conner thinks a moment then shrugs. "Just those two mostly. I know it's been a punching bag around here lately but I'm… well… really quite proud of how most of my season turned out. We had a couple of bumps here or there but you know I tried to keep the contestants happy, give them their dignity, warm beds and good meals. Make it more an adventure than torture.
I mean nothing wrong with a little mean-spirited comedy but for months on end."
He shrugs.
"…Not my style. Never was. I find gets to a point where it just gets sad after a while and gets so effortless. I tried to move Total Drama away from that, hoped I could move away from it even more this season. But no. Producers weren't happy with my run of things so they brought Chris back to undo everything."
"Peach remembers you're season fondly."
He turns to see Rosalina looking oddly baleful. The one eye she keeps unhidden by her bangs avoiding him humbly. It's odd, he'd grown so accustomed to that eye boring into him, drilling past the hard plates of their surface interaction and trying determinedly to unearth a fragment of the core of his soul. But it seems now she'd cracked her own exterior in the attempt.
"I sometimes think…" She begins quietly. "Because of my past, I misjudge others' emotions around me. Besides my dear Lumas, I've not known many other friends since I was a child. Mario, Princess Peach, Daisy and their other friends were the first I had known in a very long time. But from such a terribly different time than I originally came from.
Sometimes I confuse things, I forget they're not burdened with some of the things I've known. I worry more about them than I need to. With dear Peach's behaviour, I thought I saw things only I had previously known. But she smiles so sincerely when thinking of you and your games."
She finally looks at him and smiles bashfully.
"I'm afraid I've misjudged you Conner O'Gleeson. You are a good man after all. I am glad Princess Peach enjoyed her time with you."
Now it's Conner's turn to grin sheepishly.
"Wow, that's… Thank you, Rosalina. I'm very happy to hear that."
To his immense relief, she doesn't seem to notice the guilt buried in his tone.
…
While Princess Peach may have supposedly enjoyed Endless, Princess Daisy seems to be thoroughly enjoying her time here on Homespun.
True to her word, by the time Rosalina and Conner return she's taken to the control panel as passionately as Chris had. The other staff look on with mixed horror and wonder as she rains untold devastation on the contestants.
"Hey guys! Welcome back!"
"Daisy what did you do?" Rosalina asks.
"Tried and failed to blow up a vampire." Her friend says nonchalantly.
"It seems everything's on fire."
"Yeah, he's really tough."
On-screen, Alucard stands amidst a scene of the Christian Hell, wreaths of flames envelop a burning cityscape, the vampire silhouetted by them, grinning ear to ear atop a skyscraper and looking like he's enjoying himself as much as Daisy. He laughs wildly and calls to the heavens.
"Is that really all you can do!?"
"Give me a sec! I'm working on it." Daisy shouts at the screen. "Chris, what's the button to throw an airplane at this guy?"
"No hurling planes into skyscrapers," Chris replies immediately. "People are still kind of… sensitive about that back in our reality. That and cruise ships going down."
"Yeah, there's a reason we used yachts for round one," Chef says.
"Why's that?" Entrapta asks.
"Bad PR," Chef says.
Chris counts on his fingers.
"The Titanic in 1912, sunk by an iceberg, The Costa Concordia in 2012, sunk by the captain's idiocy, then recently there was the Disney Treasure in 2049."
Chef and Conner shutter.
"What happened to The Disney Treasure?" Peach asks.
"Look admittedly the 21st century has been bright over on our world, aging's been halted, climate change is being fixed, that whole disinformation age thing never really happened, we don't have a lot to worry about back home but the Treasure? …. I don't even want to talk about it, it's still too soon," Conner says.
"…. Ain't right what happened to the Treasure…" Chef says distantly.
"Good news!" Daisy buts in. "While you people were talking about whatever boring thing you were talking about, I found something even more exciting than a plane to throw at Count What's his Face.
A massive dragon-like kaiju has emerged from the ground and towers over Alucard. The Vampire sneers up at it defiantly, both guns drawn. They hear him laughing.
"Is that the best you've got!?"
Conner leaps around the console and slams his palm down on a button, at once a meteor streaks down from the sky and strikes the kaiju through the neck, dispatching it.
Daisy who was on the edge of her seat slumps in disappointment.
"Aw…"
"Speaking of disasters with real consequences, let's maybe not expose Alucard to more giant monster blood alright?" Conner suggests tentatively.
"You're no fun…" The Princess pouts.
"Well seeing as that dragon corpse crushed Olivia and Wayne, it seems like Alucard's just won the round for his team anyway." Chris declares, turning on the microphone.
"Ordinals! Congratulations on winning round two!"
The clouds part, the fires go out, and the city crumbles to dust, seeds burst from the flattened ground. Alucard is left under a clear sky in a grassy field as his contestants remerged from their belts around him. The vampire still hunched over and seething, seemingly furious at being denied a good fight,
Fry (After taking a moment to rediscover his bearings) approaches him cautiously.
"Uh, Al? Everything alright?"
Alucard stops panting like a dog and straightens back up, expression ossifying back into that predator grin he's so fond of.
"Perfect," He breathes.
"Alucard!" Chris cries, emerging with the other staff from out a door that's appeared from nothing. "Nice job at surviving! Or… well…uh, not setting you're belt off, seeing how you're not technically alive and thus didn't technically survive."
"Just like those poor kids on the Disney Treasure," Chef reflects somberly.
"Uh yeah…" Chris clears his throat. "So now that everyone has plenty of experience with all the wicked and wild disasters nature, or me, or Diasy could throw at you, what do you say we try to survive them again, this time properly prepared?"
"Must we?" Elizabeth asks.
"I'm very sore," Wallace complains.
Chris chuckles. "Don't worry, for your final round today, you'll be able to hide in your very own disaster shelter, and you'll be making them with a little help from these!"
He holds up two tablets.
"How do we build a house with a single sheet of metal?" Katara asks.
"It's electronic," Wallace explains.
"Oh…" Katara says. "What does that mean again?
"Each team gets an app connected to the house algorithm," Chris explains. "Installed on there is a building program. Anything you place down in there will be built here in the room. Heads up though, building will cost you points and you've only got so much to work with so use them wisely. Ordinals, because you won the first two rounds you get significantly more points than the Supertasks, Oh yeah, and one other thing? You'll be buying both parts for your house, and disasters to hurl at the other guys so spend wisely.
You've all got twenty minutes on the clock to build before all H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick breaks out so get a move on! Team with the most intact structure and contestants wins immunity. Losers, of course, will be sending someone home."
…
As soon as the staff have left a great wall the height of the sky bisects the field, separating both teams from view.
Among the Supertasks, most of the team is sitting in the grass watching their captain pace. Tenpenny's dark eyebrows furrowed in thought.
"Alright, so I'll admit we ain't off to a great start today. McLean's been fucking us over with all his impromptu bullshit and it's not leaving much room to strategize. Here's where we make up for that. Other teams got the advantage, but it's not gonna be enough, we're about to turn in on their head and kick their sorry Ordinal asses anyway!"
Some of the team cheers modestly. Tenpenny holds up the tablet
"Alright, now I don't know the first thing about this freaky future gadget so I need volunteers."
Zelda lets out a tiny gasp and raises her arm. Tenpenny cocks an eyebrow in surprise.
"You think you can handle this Princess?"
"Yes!" She squeaks.
"That's what you said about the VEEV yesterday sweetie," Olivia says kindly. "I don't know if you'll do much better here unless you have computer tablets in that little fantasy kingdom of yours."
"We do!" Zelda says excitedly. "They're a common relic in ancient Sheikah temple sites! I've plenty of expertise-"
Tenpenny cuts her off by tossing her the tablet.
"Good enough for me. Just don't freeze up on us this time your majesty. Wayne, I want you helping to, let's see how well you manage finances."
Bruce gives him a modest grin. "Alright… that sounds like something I could help with."
"If it's just going to be the three of you building what should the rest of us do?" Sam asks.
"Sit there and take a load off." Tenpenny urges. "Captain's orders. You deserve a break after this morning. Me, Wayne and the Princess will handle this from here."
"Why don't I handle things in your place Captain?" Herlock offers. "After all you deserve a break as well."
Tenpenny shrugs. "Alright Sholmes. Much obliged. Just remember though, you take responsibility for this challenge, you take responsibility if we lose as well."
"Never fear my… dear captain. I would never intentionally sabotage our beloved company, unlike some less savoury people I know."
He gives Tenpenny a very exaggerated wink. The police officer looks confused. Off to the side, Penny Crayon sighs and shakes her head.
"Any clue what's up with the detective?" Max asks.
"Not a clue." She lies.
…
Similar deliberations are happening amongst the Ordinals.
"This is good, everything's good!" Fry says, speaking more to himself than his team. "We're in a good position we're not going to end up like yesterday."
"We won't if Shego doesn't mess everything up again," Wallace comments causally. Shego's nostrils flare.
"Meg's the one that pushed me in the monster juice!"
"I said I was sorry," Meg says humbly.
"Sorry's not good enough, you should have gone home!"
"You should have gone home!" Katara shouts.
"Fighting about yesterday's getting us nowhere." Jack insisted.
"How'd you know, you didn't even see half of it?" Meg asks.
"Hey come on he's got a point!" Miko says. "Also, Al's really cool, so it pains me to say it but some of the blame yesterday is Alucard's fault."
"Piss off girl, I had fun," The Vampire says, still that terrible opaque grin on his features.
"This game is about more than just fighting," Katara says glaring up at him.
"That's what makes it so boring," Drawls the monster.
"Is there anything else you like besides fighting?"
"Not since I was alive."
"Maybe just let him fight then," Shego says. "Might be useful down the line."
Wallace frowns at her. "We're not talking about down the line, right now we need to focus on this challenge and besides looking ungodly sexy Alucard doesn't have much to offer us." He laughs dryly. "I mean what? Is he going to fight off the disasters for us?"
"He was doing pretty well with that last round," Miko says.
All eyes slowly drift over to Alucard.
…
"Contestants! Time is up!" Chris announces. "Let's see what you've got!"
The towering wall between the teams grows opaque. The Ordinals have crafted a large metal dome covered with large spikes, next to them stands the Supertasks shelter, a much smaller concrete box.
Chris whistles.
"Impressive."
He presses a button two smaller windows appear on Rodney's display showing the teams huddled in their bunkers.
"Captains! Heads or Tails!?"
"Heads!" Tenpenny barks.
"Hea-uh shoot! Tails then." Fry stammers.
Chef hands Chris a loonie and he flips it.
"Heads it is! Supertasks are up first! Unleash your disasters!"
"With pleasure McLean."
Fire bursts from the ground and consumes the land around the Ordinals dome, the structure however is unharmed.
"Ordinals go!"
An earthquake strikes, exclusively affecting the Supertask's side of the wall. Long cracks run up the sides of the shelter.
"Supertasks back on you!"
A tornado descends from the clouds directly onto the base, and it disappears under a cloud of dust. Metal sheets tear off the dome.
When the storm dissipates the bunker clearly suffered some exterior damage, but is otherwise fine.
"That the best you got Suckertasks!?" Miko taunts.
"Yeah!? You think you can do better?" Steve calls back.
Miko smirks.
A wave of water crashes into the Supertasks base. Tiny streams of it pour their way through the cracks in the concrete and forcing them apart. Most of the shelter crumbles away leaving the Supertasks clinging to it for dear life, until at last the flood recedes and they're left they're waterlogged and without protection.
Watching through a tiny periscope in their impenetrable dome the Ordinals let loose a victorious cheer.
"We got this!" Meg says.
Amongst their half-drowned opponents, Tenpenny still looks undeterred.
"McLean!" He calls to the heavens. "Time for our final shot right?"
"You mean the one disaster you saved all your points for?"
"That would be the one."
"Awesome dude. Ordinals! Hope you packed extra undies! This is about to get seriously gnarly!"
There's a light in the sky, it grows rapidly, streaking towards the ground.
A massive asteroid the size of several city blocks is racing towards the Ordinals.
"Oh they're done for," Conner says with a little laugh.
"They're about to go down harder than the Disney Treasure apparently did." Entrapta comments.
"Dude! Stop bringing up the Treasure!" Chris says. "Too soon dude! People still messed up about that."
Chef suddenly begins to sob.
"Why? Why!? Why'd they even have all those kangaroos on the ship!? Didn't they know it'd be trouble!?"
He buries his face in his hands and bursts into tears. Rodney and Rosalina move their chairs away from him slightly.
Back in the challenge, the asteroid's getting closer by the second.
Tenpenny laughs in triumph.
He quickly stops once he sees Alucard leap onto the roof of the Ordinals' shelter.
"I neglected to mention earlier…" He says speaking more to his team than his opponents. "I do have some other hobbies besides battle. Waiting without end for combat can be dreadfully boring, for the first few centuries I'd read to pass the time, but recently I've grown fond of those little motion pictures you mortals come up with.
Here's a trick I saw in a recent one with Bruce Willis. Releasing control art restriction to level two!"
The count visibly swells with power, then leaps into the air towards the meteor.
There's a flash of light, a thunderous sound.
The space rock is cleaved in two, both halves careening off their original path.
One slams through the clear wall, piercing it with ease. It lands directly on the Supertasks, obliterating them in a great burst of fire and light. Their inflated belts go sailing every which way like puffs of popcorn.
The glass walls, already comprised, shattered fully in the wake of the blast, raining down in showers of glass splinters.
In Rodney's Study, the staff all quietly stare at their display in shock.
No one talks for about a minute before Chris breaks the silence.
"Alright… maybe we should look into nerfing Alucard."
…
Alucard's maneuver, needless to say, wins the day's immunity for his team.
The Supertasks are in an understandable poor mood as they file into the elimination lounge later that evening, The staff are waiting for them. Entrapta particularly looks sympathetic towards the misfortune of her former teammates.
Only Herlock looks excited to be there.
"Well, that was some bullshit." Tenpenny growls.
"Curse that awful demon." Zelda mopes.
"Supertasks, why the long faces?" Chris asks, looking far less empathetic than Entrapta. "It's not like the world's ending. I thought you'd all be used to losing by now."
Steve glowers, frustratedly. "We were not supposed to lose anymore! Tenpenny was supposed to change things with his strategies, but now the others have like I don't know, supercharged their vampire, how are we supposed to deal with that? That's not fair?"
"Yes, it's most unfortunate the unceasing foes we seem to face from the outside." Herlock agrees.
Then at once, the detective is on his feet.
"HOWEVER!" He cries, "The real danger our merry band of competitors face is none other than the one coming from WITHIN THE TEAM!"
He swerves on his feet and points dramatically at Tenpenny.
Several teammates gasp, as do the three princesses. Tenpenny gives him a blank look.
"I'm not following…" He says slowly.
"Yesterday evening, I, the esteemed detective Herlock Sholmes! Envy of Scotland Yard! Found the crime I was predestined to uncover here at Mister Rodney's expansive estate. There is a great conspiracy afoot to sabotage these games, the guilty parties? That devilish Ms. Shego on from the opposition, and none other than our own Captain Frank Tenpenny! The man who's been quietly amassing power from within, just so he could use it to destroy us!"
The princesses gasped louder. Now Chef joining in.
"Good gosh! How horrible!" Max cries. "Why didn't I think to do something like that?"
The rest of the team looks between Herlock and their captain, seemingly not knowing what to think. Tenpenny still surveying Herlock.
"After all I've done for this team, this is how you repay me?" He asks, dangerously calm.
Herlock waves a finger at him. "No use denying it! I heard it all with my own ears!"
"So you were spying on us?"
"Wait… back up." Steve cuts in.
"You truly met with this woman?" Elizabeth asks surprised.
"Yeah, I did meet with Shego last night," Tenpenny says truthfully. "That part ain't bullshit. Way back in episode one, I put in her my debt in case I needed an alliance since I didn't know how this was all gonna go down at the time. She came to me the other night looking for a follow-up, and I told her no. My loyalties with my Supertasks, but before I did, I teased her with some nonsense about being some kinds of dumbass masterminds that were going control the votes and shit." He scoffs. "But sounds like that's the only part Sholmes was paying attention for," He snickers joylessly. "Guess you heard what you needed huh Detective?"
"Aha! So you admit it!" Herlock declares triumphantly. "The burden soul of a guilty man can only hide so long!"
"Alright, show's over Holmes,"
"Spare me you're pleads traitor."
"****** I said SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Tenpenny springs to his feet, chair thrown back, forgotten. Rage that had been broiling inside him, erupting outward like fire.
"You really think I'd be out busting my ass for the goddamn team if I was a traitor!? Yeah, I talked to a fuckin' Ordinal! What the fuck does it matter to you Sholmes!?"
Herlock stands firm, seemingly unaffected by the anger. "It matters greatly if it means putting an end to a nefarious plot on my team."
"Oh, I see! This is your team now is it!?" Tenpenny demands, he glares, white teeth splitting dark features. "You trying to throw me under the bus because you're still pissed you didn't get to be captain!"
Now it seems Tenpenny's stirred anger in the detective.
"Sir you gravely offend my honour with such false accusations! My motives are pure."
"LIKE HELL THEY ARE *****! You haven't shit for this team besides losing our first challenge motherfucker! I'm the one that's bringing this team back from the brink! I am! You got the fucking balls to come at me like I'm the rat *****!?"
"That's enough."
Bruce says suddenly, in a firm tone. Some of his playboy persona cracking slightly.
"Detective, these are serious claims. What do you have to back them up?"
"My good word as an honourable investigator," Herlock says pridefully.
Bruce, already frowning, grows more severe in his expression.
"That's all?"
Herlock sputters in surprise.
"Well... yes! What more do you need!? I heard it all and now the man himself has admitted it! That should be more than enough to convict! We both agreed-"
"What we!?" Tenpenny interjects. Herlock's left stammering once more.
"I… erm."
"Who else did you convince to try and fuck me over!?" Tenpenny demands. "Because you if turned someone else on this team against me motherfucker-"
"Calm yourself! I meant the royal we." Herlock insists. Quietly from her chair, Penny breathes a sigh of relief.
"I am the only one on this case!" Herlocks says. "But no doubt it was enough! As always! Now that the truth is out justice will surely prevail."
He looks to Bruce for reassurance, the billionaire offers him none. Tenpenny folds his arms and sneers vengefully.
"Guess we'll see about that, won't we?"
A terribly awkward silence fills the room as they break to vote. Once the last ballots have been cast, Chris stands before them with his arms crossed behind him. Their host brimming with glee, as he often is anytime the cast devolves into infighting.
"Well… Supertasks, pretty juicy night we're having isn't it? Votes are cast, I think after that show we just had you probably know who's in the bottom two but we'll still drag it out for funsies.
Following house guests are safe.
Sam and Max,
Penny,
Elizabeth,
Zelda,
Steve,
Olivia,
And Bruce, you all get your cookies."
He throws them each a cookie chip cookie. Unsurprisingly once he's done, it's Herlock and Tenpenny that remain without one.
"Each of you thinks the other one's turned traitor," Chris announces. "The rest of the team has cast their votes and the majority of them has taken one of your sides. That person is…
…
..
…
.
…
…..
….
"Tenpenny!" Chris cries. "Well done Captain, your team stands behind you."
Tenpenny catches his cookie, bitterly.
"Justice prevails."
Herlock rises to his feet once more, he seems disoriented.
"This… this can't be! There must be some mistake, I solved the case like I always do. I found the culprit! Now what!? The criminal gets to go free and the lawman is taken in chains?"
"'fraid so dude," Chris says. Herlock sighs disappointedly, then rallies, and draws himself to full height.
"Fiends! Scoundrels! Vagabonds! You think you've won today but rest assured! No matter what setbacks confound him, The Great Herlock Sholmes always gets his man in the end!"
And with an overly dramatic flap of his hunting coat and a turn of his cap, he marches out of the door, and out of the game. His portrait goes dark a moment later.
Tenpenny rises sombrely. Steve puts a hand on his shoulder.
"You alright man?"
"Fine," He says gruffly. "I got one rule, you can talk to me however you want, but don't ever stick a fucking knife in my back."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Bruce says, though even as he says it, he wonders how honest he's being. Tenpenny smiles wryly.
"'ppreciate it Wayne. Ain't too often you see a rich white motherfucker sticking his neck out for some hard-working ***** like me. Not let's get a move on. We may have lost again, but at least we get to keep our beds."
…
Herlock wanders out onto the grey surface of the asteroid Rodney's House is perched on, already scheming about what to do next when…
"Detective!"
Penny Crayon comes running.
"I still believe you." She says breathlessly. "Sorry the others won't. It's not fair."
Herlock sighs beleaguered.
"Quite alright Dear Penny. No one ever said being the best detective there is would be easy, if it was everyone would do it."
"What are you going to do now? Sneak back into the House and solve the case?"
Herlock chuckles.
"No, I must respect the will of democracy. My time is finished by the criminals are not, which is why I must now put my faith in you."
Penny blinks in surprise.
"Me?"
"Yes my Dear Penny, my eviction has made it clear that Tenpenny is only the tip of the iceberg. These conspiracies go deeper still, and I trust you to uncover them all!"
"Well, that's a bit of a tall order then, isn't it?" The girl muses to herself. "Detective I've been intending to ask, why'd decide to trust me of all people with all of this."
"Because my dear, you remind me greatly of a very close associate of mine back in London."
He whips an old photo out of his coat and shows it to her. Penny's expecting some version of John Watson or some other Victorian man in a bowler cap. What she isn't expecting is a girl her age in steampunk attire and with her hair done up in elaborate curls.
"My young ward Iris Wilson," Herlock explains. "Perhaps the greatest mind in the Empire besides my own. You remind me greatly of her."
He takes off his hunting cap and places it on her head.
"Do me proud Penny Crayon!"
Penny draws herself to full height and salutes him.
"You can count on me Sholmes!"
"Ha HA! Splendid!"
He salutes her back.
"Godspeed to you Miss Crayon! Until we meet again!"
With that, he tilts up his chin and walks off across the little asteroid. Penny calls after him.
"Do you know where you're supposed to be going now that you're eliminated?"
"Not a clue!"
…
Later, back in Rodney's study. Conner swivels his chair towards the camera.
"Well, that's our episode folks! Another chaotic one, though to be fair, most of them are. They call it Total Drama for a reason.
So what's new today? Well, Chris continues to be a menace to society, that's not new, but him finding loopholes in Rodney's man-child proofing is a startling development."
He shutters.
"That man, I swear, no joke, I'm pretty sure I've seen demons in his eyes. We'll have to reign him in next episode, and Alucard to while we're at it. Maybe Tenpenny can offer us some advice with that, as it looks like he's just successfully dealt with the biggest challenge to his authority. Though, well, admittedly he still has Batman on his team, even if he really wants us to forget he's Batman.
There's also Penny, But I mean… she's what nine? He probably doesn't have to worry about her. Or maybe he does? Who knows? We'll have to see how this all shakes out next time! On Total Drama Homespun!"