Juvenile Sunset
To the outside the day had vanished faster than a melting ice-cream on a hot summer day, but to Joy it felt like the day was slowly ticking by. Not even a minute before second period Mr. Bodnar had called out a pop exam.
During that almost disastrous hour and a half she had pulled Ennui onto the broad, making sure to not be distracted.
But it didn't help she seemed to be a few cohorts short of the nine that usually made up the regular day shift. But she could make sure they pulled through, starting with grabbing at any and all parts of the Grade 9 math booklet she could.
It was all somewhere in the start of the school year's notes. Joy thankfully found the memories that held together the algebra notes, and in her own mind, they could all go into the dump. Math just seemed like a huge wasteful period really. But that was a concern for another day, and a future Joy problem!
"Okay guys; let's download some of the daydreams for now, could you get on that Ennui?" Her smile tugged a bit as she waited for any response; instead she was met by Fear.
He looked across the room where the now retreading bored emotion had gone to the far right door. Fear only shook his head letting his best nervous grin try and make Joy feel better.
"She still doesn't fully like us yet, huh?!" Joy said, mostly answering her own questions, most of them were lingering on how she could make the others feel welcomes here. Instead all that came up was the fleeting sense of feeling a bit ashamed.
"I..I don't know. I've tried to let bygones be bygones. I mean really we're all trying our best here" Fear wasn't really paying much attention to Joy though as his pale eyes darted everywhere else. He quickly grabbed at the second cell phone that he had commissioned from the Mind Workers and started shifting away from Joy.
To her all of the past few weeks had been quite literally a downhill spiral. From the actions of Disgust and well…herself. But ever since she noticed that certain members of her now larger team were talking more.
Others though seemed to be surging with a displeasure that ruffled her own hope down with a huge, ugly stick.
She needed to maybe consider talking or actually making some leeway with the leader of the newer emotions, after all. It couldn't hurt could it?
"Heeeeey Anger, do you know where Anxiety is?" Joy bite down on her inner cheek as the grumpy brick himself gave her one shrug from his spot near the kitchen. He stood with one hand on another small cell phone though this one had a fire-themed case.
"Uh let's see, do I have the answers to other's lives outside of this grand jungle of a mindscape…" Anger almost chuckled as he slowly closed his hand over the talk button, "No Joy I do not!"
"Well then do you know where I can find Disgust? We sort of need to have a heart to heart about a few things". Joy slowly walked towards the kitchen entrance but was met by Anger's own arm blocking her way.
"Yeah she wanted me to give you this" Anger turned away for a slow second, then quickly darted back with a small glower, and then he let his mouth fall back into a blank, neutral thin line.
"Oh no! Not the neutral face of displeasure!" Her hands shot up to run through her now wild glowing blue hair as her face turned into a small scowl, "Why that one!"
"I'd tell you but it would involve words that end in 'itch is crazy' and as much as I'd love to help you. I'm busy!" Anger then fumbled his phone into his other open hand, and whispered roughly under his now tired sounding breath, "Okay I'll see you later tonight, 'kay!"
Joy tired peeking past Anger's meaty arm only to see a small piece of orange from the corners of her eye.
She sighed; feeling a bit more lost on the matter, and trailed towards the outer door, "If you see either of them, could you just tell them I just want to say I'm sorry!"
Anger clearly looked into her now sorrow filled blue eyes with his ruby red ones as he sighed and left his place near the door. Almost like he was bracing for something, the small red brick loosened his tie and placed one hand onto Joy's back, "You need to tell them that yourself Joy!"
He did have a bit of a flicker over his head as he patted her gently, "It's the fair thing to do, as trust me for all of my own flaws..."
"Which to be honest are many..." Joy said.
"Yeah. I'll battle with those consequences after you also admit we all have flaws. And yeah, I know more than anyone here, how hard it can be to just say sorry". Anger directly looked away, his own attention standing on the now cleared kitchen door, before he completely turned around, "Don't make the mistake in thinking that you can't change for the better".
Joy for a loss of her own words simply nodded at him, completely taken aback by this 'new' side of her once fully off the handle friend.
"Well maybe it's time I try that then". Joy let herself smile a bit, feeling a bit calmer though a little weirded out. It seemed a lot was changing but her. Sooner than she knew the ways of her own friends and their relationships would probably be more tight-knit, or so she mostly hoped.
It couldn't hurt after all trying to change in a more positive but altogether all too new direction.
Still as she walked away from the main floor and shallowed her fears down with a bit of deep wishing. Her blue eyes trailed back onto the Sense of Self that stood as their master piece now that it was so sporadic. It's one minute azure blue, then snap it changed into the narrow pulsing of red, then purple and then orange.
It flickered and never stayed in one shape, almost fluidly warping between each tiny new addition that had served to make it anew.
That Sense of Self, the pure core believes of her own special girl, a girl who for all her wants and selfish desires was the main reason they existed at all. It all was more than any one of them could ever try and grasp at.
It was almost like watching a sunset, filled with so much potential but endless, boundless beauty. It didn't last long; it was like almost cradling the juvenile sunset into her own warm, open arms.
Even if that new core tended to hold so much pain as much as it held onto hope. Though Joy guessed it also held a piece of what made Riley her own person.
So what made Joy?
Maybe it was time to start discovering that.
Tucked away into the crevice of her own bed unyielding to world that right now didn't so much need her input. Though it might look to outsiders that she was hiding, she was sprawled out onto her comforter. It had been a calmer day, one filled with mostly cheerful laughter and a touch of spontaneous calls.
So the orange often wired but always thinking emotion lay against her pillow, taking in the sweet scent of calming strawberry tea with honey.
The merge of small texts that were also from a member of the original five that had her mostly feeling oddly giddy though also a tad bit fragile. After all it wasn't like she hadn't grown closer to her grumpy, temperamental cohort.
She guessed that maybe it was just strange and new, two things that often set her on the deepest edge of well anxiety. After all that was what she mainly embodied.
So it was a bit of a surprise when Anger earlier that day had strode up to her, though his face was a rosy pink instead of being its usual scarlet. He had given her a small present, poorly wrapped but when she opened it, it was a new cell phone.
It was the color of sunset orange with a flare of green flowing over the back like her eyes, an emerald streak against the umber. Slowly he had pulled away, almost shyly, telling her that if she ever needed anyone, he would listen.
It was one of the kindest gestures she had gotten since arriving here, and she had to admit that it deeply touched her heart.
Though she was happy that this day seemed to be ending well, it wasn't like she was always so in her mind that she couldn't at least take some time off.
Her phone flashed once as a text in blue marked the page.
Joy: Hey is it alright if we talk?
Anxiety: What exactly about?
Joy: I just wanted a chance to speak with you and get to know you better. Is that okay?
Anxiety: Alright. I'm upstairs.
She almost jumped when the door squeaked open, shattering an endless stream of constant tiny future worries in one full swing. It really didn't seem too much of a big deal, but the possibilities and what they all held.
Those were often enough the reasons she tended to try and steer herself to make sure they didn't happen.
So as she looked up with a slight uneasy smile, Joy who now stood in front of her meet her too with that same uneasiness. It seemed it was shared between two.
"Hi!" Joy said small breath in, small breath out.
"Yeah, hi!" Anxiety replied, barely taking any time at all raising her hand in a quick wave.
The awkward silence whistled against them as the two emotions took the time to think over their next actions.
"So about everything, I wanted to just say I am sorry. I'm sorry for everything that happened between us and I'm sorry for hurting you and Riley so much!" Anxiety said, speaking so quietly that Joy had to move closer to her.
She waited almost tensing on her hands and knees, looking like she was praying but meeting Joy's eyes she only say that same shared guilt.
"I'm sorry too. I should have tried to help you get more comfortable when you first arrived. Maybe this all wouldn't have happened" Joy paused as she pondered her next words, her fingers playing with the loose threads on her dress, "I know one thing, my own mistakes would have also harmed Riley..and did hurt my own friends. So I just would like a chance to start over with you, if you want too?" Joy finished.
Anxiety bolted up, her hands tugging on her sweater, as she looked away for a split second before finally snapping back towards Joy, "Well..I guess that's okay". She bit down on her lip and shrugged her shoulders, "But I'm not the only one that needs to be spoken too. After all, I find that a few of the others are… Well they're rightly angry, but that might make them grow to hate us".
Joy rubbed her chin softly, "Maybe then I can be the first to try and change that!".