Episode 40:
"The Fangs of Romance?! Enter Luna, Wolf of the White Lotus"

FEATURING THE VOICES OF:

BUMPER ROBINSON as Ranma
KEVIN MICHAEL RICHARDSON as Kenma
KIMBERLY BROOKS as Ranko and Kasumi
KALI TROY as Akane
GAIL FISHER as Nodoka
ISABEL SANDFORD as Atsuko
CREE SUMMER FRANCKS as Nabiki
TERRANCE C. CARSON as Soun
GARY ANTHONY WILLIAMS as Genma
KHARY PAYTON as Akimitsu
AISHA TYLER as Luna
TICHINA ARNOLD as Nicole [that bitch]
and ROBERT AXELROD as Happosai

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Yeah, guys, we're doing the Boondocks episode! So! Soun's finally getting back into the dating game. Let's hope it goes well, and let's all wish him lots of luck, okay?

TWO WEEKS AGO…

"Are you sure about this, Nabiki?" asked Soun. "It seems like…well, a bit much…"

"Trust me, Daddy! She'll wanna see the merchandise," Nabiki responded while holding her camera. "And if she likes what she sees, she's gonna want more. First rule of business: give the people a sample to keep 'em coming back."

Nabiki's idea was simple, yet elegant: get photos of Soun working out and doing his training regimen, then put them on his dating profile to reel in the ladies.

And Soun had finished another training session. After all, he'd spent enough time resting on his laurels—it was time to get back into action!

"And you're sure this is a good idea?" asked Akane. "Putting Dad's pictures online for some weirdos to drool over?"

"Don't worry, Akane. I've known Luna for years," her father reassured her. "She and I go way back. And she was a friend of your mother!"

"You mean you knew her, past tense," corrected Akane. "It's been how many years since you last met her!"

"Sure, but how much could she have changed after a few years?" inquired Soun.

Akane just crossed her arms, annoyed at the whole ordeal. "Honestly, Dad, you can be so naive sometimes!" she groused.

"Sis, does the phrase 'O ye of little faith' mean anything to you?" asked Nabiki.

"It's not about faith," insisted Akane. "It's about the possibility that Dad could be setting himself up for serious trouble! I mean, remember the last friend he hadn't spoken to in years?" Akane stated as she jabbed a thumb at Genma in his panda form. "And now he's living here, mooching off of us!"

Genma then held up a sign saying, That was a little uncalled for.

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE!" Akane shouted at him.

"OK, yeah, fair point," Nabiki nodded.

"Look, Akane, you must understand," said Soun. "NOBODY could replace your dear departed mother, which is why I'm not TRYING to. The point is, I'm lonely. I have needs. And for that matter, I don't want to die alone, okay?!"

"OK, but I'm just worried, that's all," the tomboy admitted.

"C'mon, have a little faith in your dad, would ya?" suggested Akimitsu. "I mean, he's plenty formidable if he needs to be!"

"Alright, but I'm not letting my guard down for a minute." Akane firmly stated.

"Believe me, nobody expects you to," Aki responded to his girlfriend.

Of course, they weren't the only ones who knew about Soun getting back into the dating game—Ranma and Kenma also knew about it as well.

"So, Mr. Tendo's putting himself out there, eh?" asked Kenma as he looked up from his manga. "Good for him. He needs something more to do apart from play shogi and whine about the future of the dojo."

"Oh, yeah! That's for sure." Ranma said while stretching.

"Maybe if it works out, he'll have someone to keep him company in that big, lonely two-person bed."

"Hopefully! Now, how about we play some Sunset Riders?" Ranma asked.

"Dude, I'm so there, I already filed a change of address form," Kenma responded.

"Alright, let's saddle up, partner!" his brother said as he fired up the Super Famicom.

"Yee-haw!" Kenma exclaimed as he grabbed a controller.

TWO WEEKS LATER...

"Tendo, I implore you to reconsider," said Genma. "You haven't a clue of what you're getting yourself into!"

"Saotome, if you're trying to get me to change my mind, it won't work," retorted Soun as he adjusted his tie.

"Now, remember to be courteous, polite, and ask her about herself," said Nodoka. "And when she responds, listen with your ears, and your soul. That'll be how she knows you're genuinely interested in who she is as a person!"

"In other words, do the opposite of what Genma would do," Atsuko added.

"Hey!" Genma protested. "I think I was an exemplary paramour!"

"In your own mind, maybe," retorted Atsuko. "Sweet nothings, indeed!"

"Hey, I followed the instructions," said Genma. And then he whispered: "...nothing. Nothing nothing nothing!"

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT'S NOT WHAT A SWEET NOTHING IS, YOU UNROMANTIC IDIOT!" Atsuko snapped.

Genma was about to say something else, but he held his tongue since he knew that both sisters were right. And holding his tongue wasn't something that Genma Saotome did very often.

DING-DONG!

Soun let out a yelp. "AH! IT'S HER!" he squeaked, before clearing his throat. "...this is it, the moment of truth…" he responded, swallowing heavily.

He then made his way to the door and opened it. There, in the doorway, stood a beautiful, statuesque black woman clad in a red dress and gold jewelry.

Soun's hair nearly stood on end, and he found himself unable to form coherent words—like his mouth was full of cotton balls.

"Soun! It's so great to see you again!" she beamed. "Hey, you grew that mustache! Looks good on ya!"

"Ah, Luna!" Soun's voice said, but it didn't seem to be coming from his throat. "It's a surprise to see you…but a welcome one, for certain!"

Clearing his throat, Soun turned around to see Kenma smiling and waving, looking quite casual. He then held up a book labeled, TEN EASY LESSONS FOR VENTRILOQUISM.

"Come in, please." he said as he let her inside and closed the door.

"Pretty tall, ain't she?" Ranma observed.

"Oh, definitely," mused Kenma. "She's got no problems reaching the top shelf."

"Hey, everyone! I'm Luna," Luna said with a pleasant smile and a wave. "I hope y'all don't mind me staying over for a few days."

"Not at all!" replied Ranma.

"Just so you know, we don't keep cash in the house!" Akane blurted out.

A few seconds passed in silence as everyone gave Akane an odd glance.

"Oh, Akane! Always with the jokes~!" Nabiki laughed, clapping a hand on her sister's shoulder. "Real subtle, sis," she whispered under her breath.

"What? I was just putting it out there?" the tomboy whispered back.

"Ya didn't have to be so blatant about it," Nabiki shot back. "You were so transparent, I'd almost think you were a ghost."

"Look, just try to make a good first impression," Ranma said to Akane.

"Yeah! Because the last thing we need is your dad gettin' all sad and mopey,'' added Kenma. "And when he's all sad and mopey, he'll double down on his whole the schools must be joined doctrine. There'll be no living with him then."

As Happosai squeezed in through the window, he got a glimpse of Luna, and his skull nearly fell out of his head. "Okay, WHO is that tall drink—no, ENTIRE PITCHER of water?!" he asked.

"Nobody YOU should be concerned about, Master," replied Genma.

"Is that that Luna girl?" Happosai asked. "HOTCHA~! Boy, she's really aged like a fine wine! But…precautions must be taken."

"Not a chance, old man!" said Akimitsu. "You're not gonna ruin this date on our watch!"

"Ruin?! I would NEVER!" Happosai crossed his arms and turned his head. "Honestly! I just want to talk, that's all! Besides, it's not like Soun has a father to consult about this sort of thing, anyway!"

"Yeah, I'm soooo sure that's all you want!" Kenma commented, rolling his eyes. "Pull the other leg, why don't you?"

"Soun, a moment of your time?" the old pervert requested as he jumped out of Aki's grasp.

"Huh?" Soun exclaimed as he noticed Happosai.

"We need to talk," replied Happosai, his tone unusually serious.

"Is…something wrong?" the Saotome patriarch asked.

"For the past ten years, I've been your master, have I not?" Happosai continued, smoking his pipe. "In other words, I'm something of a father figure to you."

"O-of course, master," responded Soun, confused. That is, if my father smoked, drank and chased women...which he didn't.

"As such, I don't remember you getting my permission to date someone like this," Happosai said, his tone firm.

"Huh?" Luna exclaimed, feeling a bit lost.

Soun blanched visibly. "What?!" he exclaimed.

"Don't be so high-handed, old man!" exclaimed Atsuko. "What's the harm?"

But Happosai wasn't done. "You didn't let me finish! I need to do what's best for Soun!" he continued.

"Cut him a break, ya old freak!" Ranma interjected. "You already said you know this lady."

"That I do, but sometimes people can change…" mused Happosai, taking a puff on his pipe. "Especially over time."

"So what exactly are you trying to propose?" Soun asked.

"Well…Luna…YOU HAFTA LEMME MOTORBOAT YOUR HOOTERS!" squawked Happosai. "JUST A LITTLE PUFF-PUFF, A BIT O' BOUNCY-BOUNCY!"

WHACK!

Akane hit the old letch over the head with her fist, earning him a very large lump.

"HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?!" Happosai said while rubbing his sore head.

"I MAY NOT LIKE THIS, BUT I REFUSE TO LET YOU RUIN MY DAD'S DATE!" the tomboy yelled.

"Sheesh! Some people have no sense of humor!" Happosai grumbled.

AND SO, AT THE DINNER TABLE…

Soun and Luna were both laughing from a particularly funny story that had just been concluded.

"So! Luna…Soun tells me you're a dog fan, is that right?" asked Nodoka. "What sort of dogs DO you own?"

"Well, I have one dalmatian, two retrievers…" Luna responded. "...oh, and 15 wolves!"

The table was completely speechless, though everyone else did look up from their food.

"Wolves seem to really like me for some reason," Luna continued. "They get a bad reputation, but they're not so bad as long as you show dominance."

Soun cleared his throat before speaking again. "Pet supplies must get expensive when it comes to raising so many dogs."

"You would think, but I get this great discount from ordering directly from the supplier itself," Luna stated with a smile on her face. "So much better than buying it from the store. You bring your wolves in one time and they apparently frown upon that, can you believe that?"

Soun coughed. "Really? …well!" he mused.

Atsuko elbowed Soun under the table.

"Ah!" he yelped. "Oh! Uh…Luna, the two boys on the right side are Nodoka's sons, Ranma and Kenma. They're up-and-coming martial artists. The one with blue hair is my youngest daughter Akane, the brown-short haired one is the middle daughter Nabiki, and the one doing kitchen work is my eldest, Kasumi."

"Hey there!" Ranma said with a smile and a wave.

"Try not to wear Soun out too much!" Kenma chuckled.

"It's so nice to meet you all!" Luna smiled back.

"By the way, Luna, Soun mentioned that you both used to train together," noted Atsuko.

"We did train together," Luna confirmed. "In an ancient art known as White Lotus Kung-Fu."

[Remember, folks? Soun mentioned knowing it all the way back in Season 1!]

"Say, I think I remember Soun mentioning that..." said Ranma.

"Wait, he was serious?" Kenma asked. "Here I thought he was just B. for the sake of intimidation!"

"I learned it from this one crazy ex-boyfriend, who was a Shaolin monk…and then I ended up having to use it on him," Luna explained, as though recalling a humorous anecdote.

The others, however, were scared speechless.

"Hmph! How's that for irony?" Akimitsu commented, breaking the silence.

"Well as I said before, Ranma, Kenma and Akane are all martial artists in training. And I've even thought about getting into the fold myself, once or twice." the Tendo patriarch explained.

"Really, now?" Luna asked. "...have you told them about the Kumite?"

TSUOI-HAH!

"The Kumite?" asked Akane.

HOOH-WAH!

"That's right, the Kumite," responded Luna.

KEE-YAH!

"What exactly is a Kumite?" asked Akimitsu.

HAI-YAA!

"Also, where are those noises coming from?" he added.

"I've attended once," said Happosai. "The Kumite…"

HU-AH!

"...is an invitations-only martial arts tournament with the deadliest fighters on the planet!" the old man finished.

"And we got to attend one year!" Genma remarked.

"From that glowing endorsement alone, I just figured you were spewing more of your usual nonsense," said Kenma.

"I also read about it, once, " His older brother added. "But until now, I thought it was just a myth."

"Oh, no. The Kumite is real," said Luna. [WHOO-HUAH!] "It's REALLY real."

Flashback time?

Hell yeah! Bet you never thought you'd see THESE again!

A ship was making its way towards an island that wasn't on any official maps. On deck was a younger Luna, as well as a pre-mustache Soun Tendo.

"The Kumite is usually held on some far-off, mysterious island," explained Luna. "So it's a nice getaway-kinda like one of those all-inclusive vacation packages! They cover room, food, everything…except for incidentals."

"Wait, they covered room and food?!" Soun squawked, having JUST realized this.

"The Master had us sleeping outside, using rocks for pillows!" Genma recollected, remembering every mosquito bite and hornet sting that he and Soun had been forced to endure.

"You were in training!" Happosai shot back. "I couldn't have ya bein' pampered with feather beds and banquets!"

In said flashback, Happosai was sprawled out on a massive luxury bed, sleeping like a rock, and in another scene, he was eating thrice his weight in food!

"And yet it didn't stop YOU from taking it in for yourself…" Soun glowered.

"So? As your master, I have a right to that which my students cannot enjoy," Happosai retorted. "Ipso facto: I'm better than you, and if you wanna fight about it, then bring it on, I don't mind putting you both in the E.R.!"

Akane casually knocked him out with an elbow while whistling.

"Anyways, where was I?" Luna mused. "Oh, yeah…it's nice, really. You get to catch up with old friends…make some new ones…and see some good matches. Quality stuff, let me assure you."

In the flashback, younger Luna flashes a smile at young Soun, who blushes deeply and grins.

"This Kumite is supposed to be a deathmatch," mused Jinn. "...at least, I've heard things."

"Have you ever killed anybody?" Nabiki asked.

Luna shrugged. "Hey, everyone has to die sometime," she replied. "Least I can do is make it interesting."

Everyone stared in shock at how glib she was about doing this.

"I mean, ya kill one man, ya kill a dozen, yeah?" Luna asked. "Besides, they can only hang you once, right?"

Soun coughed, then laughed awkwardly, as though he didn't get the joke.

"I…gotta go to the bathroom." Ranma said out loud.

"And I should shower!" Kenma added as he sniffed himself. "Pee-yew! I'm getting mighty ripe!"

"I'll admit, I haven't had a good shave in a while." Soun stated.

Quickly, the three got up from the table.

"Feel free to make small talk, okay? Great!" Kenma said as they skittered off to the bathroom.

"...So, you and my dad are the only two white lotus masters left?" Akane asked,

Luna nodded. "That's the case," she replied. "Maybe you'd like a demonstration? A…friendly sparring match, then?"

"That sounds perfect!" Akane's spirits soared. She was finally going to get to fight someone who was on her dad's level! All these years, her father had constantly held back or just chosen not to train her because he was afraid of hurting her…well, she was fed up with people thinking she was fragile. She wanted to battle, and boy, did she ever want it!

"Uh-oh! I think I know what's about to happen next!" Nabiki said.

"Please be careful, Akane," urged Akimitsu.

"I'll be fine, Aki," the tomboy insisted. I hope…

"Please make sure it's not a deathmatch," Atsuko stated to Luna. "Not sure if the insurance covers death matches in the dojo."

"Don't worry; like I said, it'll just be a friendly sparring match!" Luna responded. "I know when to hold back, and when to cut loose."

Both females got into fighting stances.

"Here I come!" Akane called out as she charged at Luna.

"Take your best shot!" the White Lotus master replied, before their fists collided.

Akane then punched Luna in the stomach and gave her a spinning back fist to the jaw.

Luna was knocked back by the sudden blow, and rubbed her chin. "Not bad…I guess Soun did teach you some things," she remarked.

"Hyah!" Akane went for another punch—but this time, Luna caught her fist. Akane was, to say the least, shocked.

"He taught you everything you know," she said. "But he didn't teach you everything he knows."

She then pulled Akane close and punched in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her proverbial sails.

WHUMPH!

Akane's eyes went wide, her irises blank (like in DBZ, when one of the characters gets the wind knocked right out of them), and her knees went limp, as she slumped to the floor.

This caused everyone watching to gasp.

"...Akane is unable to continue…" Aki noted. "...the winner is Luna…"

"Ooo! That's gotta hurt!" Nabiki said, wincing at the sight of her sister.

"Oh, my god! Are you ok?" Luna asked.

"Y-yeah…I'm okay," Akane answered while still catching her breath. But what was the strangest sight of all, was that instead of looking bereaved or angry…she was happy. "One hell of a punch you gave me."

"I tried to hold back to avoid hurting you," Luna responded. "But I guess I'm pretty tough then, still."

Akane grinned. "No kidding," she replied. "If that's how tough you are…I'm definitely eager to get stronger, change up my training methods!"

Luna gave a nod. "Well, if things go well with me and your dad…then maybe we could train together more often!"

"I think I'd like that," replied Akane.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom…

"Think we should come out now?" Ranma asked while holding his ear up to the door.

"That depends," responded Kenma. "You hear anything concerning?"

"Nope, but then again, my hearing isn't as good as you boys'," Soun mentioned as he had his ear on the door too.

"Maybe we should take a look," suggested Kenma.

"Yep! On 3!" Ranma said as he slowly put his hand on the knob. "1…"

"2…" Ken continued.

"3!" Soun finished as Ranma opened the door.

On three, they all made their way out of the bathroom and back into the living room.

Much to their surprise however, they saw Luna and Akane shaking hands and smiling at one another.

Kenma and Ranma were bewildered at this, while Soun was over the moon with joy.

"Was not expecting this," the older Saotome brother stated.

"That makes two of us," agreed the younger brother.

"Oh! Hi, boys!" Luna greeted them with a wave and a friendly smile.

"Well, I see that you and Akane have grown quite close," Soun observed, wiping his eyes.

"Yeah, we came to an understanding," Akane said. "Just because you're seeing someone new doesn't mean you're forgetting about Mom…and I'm sorry I thought otherwise."

"And I'm so glad to be a part of your life again, Soun," the White Lotus master said as she embraced Soun in a hug.

The mustached man's face immediately went bright red, and he chuckled sheepishly.

Suddenly, Luna's phone began to ring.

"I am so sorry! Lemme take this." she said as she excused herself from the room and answered. "Hi, Nicole."

"So what happened?" her friend asked. "Dish, girl!"

"Everything went great!, surprisingly." Luna answered. "We really hit it off, he didn't even mind about the wolves…and I think I really made a connection with his youngest daughter."

"Ok, so when's he gonna put a ring on it?" Nicole asked eagerly.

"Nicole, we JUST started seeing each other," Luna responded. "There's wanting it to happen, and then there's just jumping the gun. I am NOT gonna rush into things like I did before."

"But how will you know if he's serious about you?" her friend argued. "I mean, remember when Jacob said he'd marry you 'soon'? Remember when Jamal said 'soon'?"

"Soun isn't like either of them," Luna replied, her tone gentle but firm. "He's a kind, passionate man, and I want to take things slow to let them really settle."

"Sure, he's kind and passionate now, but he might stab you in the back just like the others!" Nicole warned. "Girl, I say you should get back inside that house and torture him until he gives you that ring!"

"Nicole, that is WAY too far!" Luna responded. "I've already got a good thing going with his family, I don't want them to hate me! This is just like the LAST time you gave me 'advice'!"

"Well, excuse me for trying to look out for my sista from another mista!..."

As Nicole rambled on, Luna's brain seemed to connect the dots; every time Nicole had given her 'advice', things had just gotten worse, and she ended up seriously injuring people.

"You know, Nicole," she said, her tone low. "Maybe the guys weren't the problem. Maybe it's you. Did you ever once consider that before going on about how guys aren't interested in you? Maybe they think you're too pushy, or too obnoxious. All I'm saying is, before you go judging other people, you ought to take a long, hard look at your own life. Goodbye."

And with that, she hung up.

"Hello? Hello?" Nicole called out. "So anyways, like I was sayin' you gotta get ferocious..."

As if nothing had even happened, she kept on yammering.

HERE'S WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO FOR NEXT EPISODE!

OK, so Kuno bought this dinky-looking egg because he wants to master this Phoenix Sword technique and defeat Ranma, AS USUAL. But get this—the egg landed on his head and hatched into an overstuffed canary. First thing the ugly little cuss sees when it opens its eyes, it declares it an enemy and vows to destroy it. Sadly, Ranma gets caught in its high-beams and becomes a target of mass pecking. Do our boys have the stuff to pluck this goonie bird's goose?

Stay tuned for our next episode:

ONE GREW OVER THE KUNO'S NEST!

We'll see you there, okay?

And apologies for having this one run short—we figured most of you already saw the original episode. But don't worry, Luna will drop in whenever she can [or whenever we can squeeze her in].