A/N: I struggle bussed my way through this chapter. So bad. Got hit with such terrible writer's block on this, so if it's terrible, I apologize!
If you've ever been deeply betrayed by a family member or someone you trusted lifelong, I'm so sorry. I know that pain so well, and tried to bring that to the surface a bit for Paige, but from Walter's perspective. It's such a complicated emotion to put into words, but in my experience had me questioning everything about myself, including whether I would ever feel okay again/ be me again. If there was a me to feel okay again, since everything in my life felt like a lie. Feeling like I couldn't trust anyone, but also that no one could trust me because I felt so guilty for calling it out. I didn't want to go too crazy on her, but wanted that feeling to at least be present to some degree, and struggled with putting it into words. And I wanted to see it through Walter's viewpoint, both because I think it's interesting, but also because I had a hard time not going down a rabbit hole myself bringing up those feelings. I started in Paige's POV and it was too much, so I abandoned ship. During this struggle in my life, I was thankful to have my very best friend through it, a very dark time for me, who told me the Humpty Dumpty line, and it honestly probably saved my life. Anyway, that's where my mind was at. I hope I did the situation justice.
--
The minutes passed like hours, ticking away in his head like a torturous grim reminder of each second that passed, watching her stare out into the void of the fields with hollow eyes, her thoughts lost to the sea of doubts, lies, a lifetime changed in a single instant, her haunted expression never leaving, just so… still.
The last time they were in this spot, they were dancing happily together.
Now, being such an apt observer of her, he was able to deduce that she was dancing again… only this time in painful circles with her demons. Ghosts of the past cutting in each time she began to get her bearings, being thrown around the dance floor made of spikes like a rag doll to wrestle with each new villain of her mind. Songs of tragedy, heartbreak and betrayal ringing through the air as the melodic ballad she spun around to, broke her a little more with every twist and turn. Her feet left bleeding, her legs tired to the bones, her heat dizzy and disoriented.
And so very alone.
Walter was locked on the outside, unable to break through, able to see each spike run through her feet, each new shadowy partner take her hand, each terrified expression cross her features. But, locked beyond reach, unable to whisk her away and chase away all of her demons.
He needed a key, and she had the only one.
This wasn't some ridiculous Scorpion adventure gone awry that he could save her from. No amount of math and science would save her from this particular danger. Try as he may, for this one, the genius prince couldn't save the beautiful princess with rash impulsivity and dumb luck. There was no tree to tie himself to, no train car to disengage, no oranges to outsmart a gun. This danger was different. And far more dangerous.
She was the loaded gun.
The spiraling train.
The tornado.
But she was also the target lined up in the cross hairs.
Paige was fighting a battle with herself and he was helpless to save her from herself.
The quiet rustling sounds of the midmorning breeze in the rows and rows of grape vines, normally such a peaceful sound, and their steady breathing the only sounds present in his ears as he watched her stare into the nothingness. Well, that and the pounding of his heart pulsing blood straight up to his eardrums to remind him of just how anxious he was. The stark quiet did anything but soothe him. Seeing her in such mental disarray was having such a profound effect on his own resolve, his own insecurities, his confidence in being able to properly support her through this emotional rollercoaster.
He almost always crashed emotional rollercoasters.
Walter O'Brien, solver of problems, had no idea how to solve this one. Had no idea how to save the girl.
He just wished, so desperately, that she would say something.
Anything.
Blink.
Move.
Smile. That was definitely wishful thinking, but oh how he longed to see that smile again.
"Paige… I uh…" He didn't know what to say, there were no words adequate enough, but knew someone had to break this stalemate. He closed his mouth in defeat, he had no words. At least not the ones he wanted to say, lost on how to say them. Together they fell back into the looming, dreadful silence.
Briefly, he wondered why she had come here. To this spot. Their spot. Of all the places she could have run off to, why here?
Simple familiarity?
Was it just as far as she'd gotten before her legs gave out?
Did it hold some significance to her as well?
The minutes passed like hours again.
Tick tock.
"How's Papa?" She murmured, barely audible. Her voice was so strained and distant, like in a hazy fever dream.
The words caught him so off guard, not by what she said, but just that she had even spoken at all, having not expected anything. It brought the question of what that meant to the forefront. She didn't move though. If he weren't absolutely confident he'd heard her voice, he would easily be able to convince himself she hadn't spoken at all; it had been so soft.
"Oh, um, I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer that." He answered honestly, a bit more ashamed of his lack of human skills at this moment than usual. He saw the skin of her chin scrunch as she frowned, and knew he needed to offer… something. "But, um, he seemed, uh, pleased with seeing Veronica…and uh, that she is not… um, dead. I'll presume he'll be understandably distracted by that for the time being. And uh, he was talking with Richard a bit…"
"That's… good."
Silence fell over them again for several more long minutes. His mind swirled with how upset and hurt she must be about everything, but, selfishly, how upset she must be with him. He had blown up her entire world, like it were a Scorpion case… except Homeland wasn't going to pay for these damages. This was on him.
Because of him, a missile had exploded within the ground at her feet, and then that ground crumbled so fast and with very little warning, taking her with it. Making her question if that ground had ever been stable. Undoubtedly making her question if he would be setting off more missiles in her direction.
If he were her, he wouldn't trust him.
He had to fix it.
"Paige… I should hav--"
"Can we leave?" She cut him off, finally turning her head to look at him. Her eyes carried the weight of the world, and it didn't take much EQ to recognize that, and yet, her usually so open expressions, eyes like windows to her soul were so guarded as to not let any clues as to where she stood be seen.
A haunted enigma.
Walls so high he couldn't see over them.
It frightened him.
This woman before him was so… not Paige.
He would take her anywhere. To the edge of the world, if it would ease even a little of the pain she felt. Help her to lose some of the bricks she carried to build that wall.
"Oh, uh, okay… of course, anywhere you want."
Her chin rested on her up bent knees, and her eyes averted from him, back to looking off into the distance.
He swallowed hard. He was accustomed to people being awkward around him, but for her to not be able to look at him, he knew just how much he had hurt her.
"I just… can't be here. I can't trust them. I can't trust… anyone. I can't face… them. I just want to go home. I want to see Ralph. I want to forget that this entire weekend ever happened."
His stomach dropped. Along with his heart.
He knew she was hurting.
She said it because she was hurting.
Right?
Making an active choice not to further complicate things but asking for her to clarify those comments, he took a deep breath and took a different route.
"Paige… this may not be my area of expertise, but, I highly doubt that anyone in that room faults you for what happened." His tone was assertive, meant for clarity, but soft and compassionate, trying so hard to be reassuring.
"Well, they should."
She whispered it so softly he almost didn't hear her. In an instant, he shifted his body to be right at her side, wanting to touch her, hold her, but weary of doing so. Afraid she'd pull away.
"Paige… none of this is your fault."
"Isn't it?" She turned steely eyes to him, and the intensity made him fight the urge to flinch. Her tone cut with a harshness like little daggers directed straight at his chest. "This is all because of me! This game was set the moment I was born. I caused all of it. It is my fault."
"Paige…"
"No, Walter! Don't placate me! My grandmother is going to prison because she hates me so much. Me! My mother's safety is now at risk because she had to come out of hiding to defend me! My grandfather's company is gutted because Betty needed money to come after me! Ralph doesn't and has never had a father, and was retraumatized by me trying to force one, because Drew would rather cash in than be with me! Tim's gone because even across the globe he couldn't stand to be with me! My father…"
She paused, breaking her intense staredown on him, returning her view to the distance ahead as she inhaled sharply. Her tone and volume reducing just a bit.
"... My father… my wonderful, kind, loving father… at bare minimum, his death was celebrated simply because he had me. At worst, he was murdered for the crime of having me!" She wiped a lone tear roughly from her face. "Julia and Michael's wedding is ruined, our family in shambles, because I just had to take Betty down, for me! So, please, Walter… How is that not my fault? Any of it? It all comes back to me in one way or another. Betty may have done some seriously messed up things, but, maybe she wasn't so wrong about me. I do destroy things, I ruin lives, always have, and people don't want me. My entire life has been a lie that I put pretty ribbons on and called beautiful! I'm damaged goods at best. A bomb waiting to go off, take the next victim. And if you stick around… I'll end up destroying you too, Walter… this… us… it was a mistake." Her voice trailed off, turning away from him again, retracting her hand harshly when he tried to reach for it.
It took everything in him not to display the rejection he felt.
She was hurting.
Deeply.
"Look… Paige... I'm no Toby, so I'm probably going to fumble this… but, uh, if he were here, I'm sure he would say the same thing… only more… eloquent. The circumstances today were… unfavorable, and the truth coming to light was… difficult, at best. But you tried to give her a chance to be honest, to be discreet, to not cause an implosion with your family. That's on her, not you. As for Ralph and Drew… Paige, you didn't know. So maybe Ralph doesn't have a father, but if Drew were the type to walk away for money, is that any real loss? So he doesn't have a baseball player with bricks for brains, he doesn't need him. He has you. He has Scorpion. Me. The team. Drew took money to leave, but, he would have left eventually anyway because he is a coward, and not because of you. Or maybe he would have stayed and he would have been like my father, or Sly's, or Toby's, or Happy's, and Ralph would have wished he'd leave than to make him feel like he didn't belong. Him leaving was a blessing for Ralph."
She didn't respond, didn't blink, didn't… anything.
"...And Tim? Simply put, I knew he was an idiot the moment I met the man. And now I realize that I gave him entirely too much credit trying to convince myself otherwise. He is a moron, Paige. He may have gotten some money, but he lost the most valuable thing, Paige. You. He's an idiot. An absolute fool." He tried to suppress the chuckle that bubbled up. Who would give up Paige? The interloper was seriously dumber than a bag of rocks. And the rocks at least serve a purpose. How stupid could one be? Even he, in his quirks and failings, weren't that stupid.
"...As for your father, Paige… Look, I'm not a father. The closest I could even pretend to be is my relationship with Ralph… and seeing you as a mother. But, from what I know of your father from your stories, he didn't die because of you, Paige. He lived because of you. You made him a better man, a proud father, gave him a purpose. I feel that way about Ralph, and I know you do, too. I'm so sorry for what happened to him, what you have gone through, and I assure you, Paige, I will not rest until you have all of the answers you seek. But please do not think for one moment that his death was your fault. His death is the fault of the person that killed him, and them alone." Tentatively, he reached for her hand again. She didn't pull away, but didn't respond either. "I don't know enough about weddings, or your cousin to really comment… I mean, the guys have a bet on me because of that, but I was in that room, and people were not angry with you, Paige. You did nothing wrong."
She was about to respond, turning her eyes to his, when a sound behind them caught their attention.
"He's right." The voice called out confidently, but chalk full of emotion. Together, Walter and Paige turned to see Julia and Michael standing behind them, hands clasped together tightly, Julia's face pulled down with the weight of the day's events. No telling how long they had been there. They moved to come stand in front of the seated couple, and Julia's hands shook with nerves. "I'm sorry for eavesdropping. I didn't want to interrupt."
"Jules… I'm so sorry--"
"Don't you dare do that, Paige. Don't you apologize. It's me that owes you an apology. A lot of them. A lifetime's worth." Julia quickly hammered out, with a nod from Michael as he rubbed her back.
Paige shook her head, not accepting the words.
"You don't--"
"I've been so awful to you, Paige. Truly awful." Julia, basked in her white sundress for brunch, softly curled hair, and tear streaked makeup, dropped to her knees, kneeling in the dirt just a few feet away from Paige. Paige just sat, still, quiet, absorbing. "I allowed all of the terrible things Nana has said about you and your family over the years to be true in my head, even when I knew they weren't. I don't even really know why… She's Nana… I guess, we've all sort of just accepted what she says as scripture all our lives..."
Paige nodded in understanding, that was true. You didn't question Nana. Ever.
"...but standing there, listening to the horrible things she has done to you, to Walter… to Papa, hearing Aunt Ronnie talk about how she left the family to get away from her… I realized that I don't want to wake up someday and be her, Paige. Miserable, loathing, alienating my family, my child thinking jail is a better alternative than being around me. I don't want to become that horrible woman. And that starts now with some hard truths to face."
"Oh Jules, you--"
"I think it's going to take everyone a long time to process everything that came out today, myself included, our roles in it, and none of that was done to me or them. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling. But I do know that she has treated you horribly since we were little girls sneaking treats and playing make believe, and every one of us in this family allowed it, and participated, because that's just what was done. There is no excuse for that. For any of us. But, I'm holding myself accountable for once. I was wrong. So, so wrong. For that, I will be forever sorry, Paige. I'm so sorry for ever making you feel like you're not the most remarkable person I have ever known."
Both women had tears in their eyes, and Paige swallowed hard to contain a sob. Walter, tentatively, rubbed her back, trying to soothe her any way he could.
"...Truth is, I was always so jealous of you, I think we all were, and maybe that's why. If I could pretend like you weren't so great, I could pretend like I was." Julia's face showed great shame, and Walter found the experience to be an oddity. It reminded him some of their trip to Callen. When Paige had taught him about maintaining relationships, mending them, and he had done so with Thomas and Connor.
…and he had learned that Tim was a bully.
"What could you possibly be jealous of me for, Julia?"
"Um, hello? Everything. I mean look at you. You're stunning. Always have been. So effortlessly! You live your life on your own terms. Never cared what anyone thought of you. You're just so… free. You've got this dope…" She motioned to Walter. "...willing to take down the entire Thompson empire for you. No offense Michael." Michael smiled and nodded. "You have this amazing son, who is like, really cute. I mean, have you seen Liza's kids? Not cute, Paige. Not cute. Like, what if i have ugly kids?" Paige and Walter both shook their heads at the comment, stupefied.
"Um…"
"Plus, you have this super exciting career making a real difference. What I would give for even half of what you have. Even just the way that you stand up for yourself, like you did today, sure, but even just how you've always done so, putting Nana in her place since you were barely tall enough to see over the counter, always sassing her. I always wanted to be that confident in myself like you… And growing up, your dad…" She paused, scooting forward to be directly in front of Paige, placing a hand on her forearm that was wrapped still around her legs.
Paige took in a sharp, defensive breath, preparing herself for whatever comments were about to be made.
"...your dad, Paige… I was always so jealous of you. What you had. Your relationship. My dad never had the time of day for me. He threw money and gifts at me, sure, but he was never there. I'm just a potted plant in the room with him. I remember one time sleeping over your house as kids… we were maybe what? Ten? Eleven? Anyway, Aunt Ronnie took us to the carnival. Even with the life she lived, still took us to the carnival. We stayed there all day until we had ridden every ride three times. I had never been to the carnival before that and you told your mom I needed to really experience everything. Anyway, your dad had worked a double shift that day, and came home super late when we were already asleep. But when he got home, he came in and woke us up, made us clown face pancakes and root beer floats at like midnight because he wanted to hear all about our day." She laughed, and Paige nodded with tears in her eyes at the memory.
"...Do you remember? He set up balloons taped to the wall like the carnival game and gave us darts to pop them to win a prize. We each got a stuffed animal. His laugh was so infectious. Your mom was so mad that we made holes in the walls." Paige laughed lightly at the memory, finally reciprocating Walter's touch on her hand, squeezing his.
"...That was probably the greatest weekend of my entire childhood, Paige. I wanted to run away, come live with you forever. Wanted Uncle Paul to be my dad, even Ronnie to be my mom. But for you, it was just a random day. You got that all the time. I just remember crying that night when we went back to bed, because my dad would go weeks without even saying hi to me. He tolerated me, but that's it. Your dad was an amazing man, and the best dad and uncle, Paige. I'm so sorry for what Nana did and the awful things she said about him. They're just not true, and I wanted to make sure you knew that while we've all been influenced by her opinions, on this, she is wrong. Beyond wrong, and I'm not the only one that knew Uncle Paul to be such a special man. I pray you get the closure you need with what she's done in terms of your dad, but I need you to know that I will be here for you, for whatever you need to get there." Tears flowed freely down Julia's cheeks. "I'd uh, I'd really love to start over with you, Paige. Maybe we can rebuild something together. We were so close once, like sisters. I would love to have that again."
"Jules… I appreciate the sentiment, and the memories of my dad, I really do. But, I set off a bomb at your wedding. Our grandmother was arrested at your wedding brunch. Papa is likely not feeling very wedding-y. How could you possibly even want to look at me?"
"Well, on this, Walter and I agree. You didn't do any of that, Paigelet. Nana did. I may not be smart like you, definitely not like Walter, but I am smart enough to know that you were backed into a corner. Nana did this. Not you. She tried to take you down at my wedding. Like seriously, who does that?! Crazy much? Anyway, I'm not going to let that psychopath take any more of my wedding weekend from me, and I'm definitely not going to let her take anymore family from me either. And I don't think you should let her take any more of your life from you. She's already taken so much."
"You're still going through with the wedding? After all of that? I don't mean to be presumptuous, but, even with the state of Papa's businesses? Doesn't that… change things?"
"Not at all. She's the love of my life." Michael was quick to answer, and Paige quirked a brow, trying quickly to mask her question. "It's okay. We know people think our marriage is just a business merger. And maybe it is that, too. But, it's coincidental. We actually met before we knew anything about each other's families or businesses. I ran over her foot with my carriage at the supermarket and we just immediately hit it off. A couple weeks later I got a call from Teddy to talk business. He had no idea I was even seeing Julia. Wild coincidence." Or Betty, Paige thought, but opted not to say. "But, we really do love each other. It's just that it also works out for the business prospects." Julia nodded in agreement with his statement, giving him a loving look.
"I'm really sorry for assuming otherwise." Paige offered sincerely, to which Julia squeezed her arm in a gentle acknowledgement.
"Mr O'Brien, I am committed to also helping Teddy's businesses get back to its flourishing standard. I would be honored to help if you see any space on the team to do so." Walter nodded.
"Of course. As soon as he's ready. It'll surely take a full team."
"Paige. I know you're hurting right now, in ways no one can possibly understand. But please, at least consider staying? Let your family finally do right by you by being there for you through this. We owe you that much. But if you do decide to leave, I will completely understand that, too. No hard feelings. I love you, Paigelet, and despite all that's happened this weekend, I am really glad I got to see you."
"Thank you, Nemo. I love you, too. I'll, uh, think it over." Cautiously, Julia leaned forward, pulling Paige into a tight hug. It took a moment, but Paige eventually released her legs, and Walter's hand, and hugged her back.
They stayed that way only briefly, before Julia stood, straightening her dress, and taking Michael's hand as they walked off back toward the Inn, leaving the distraught couple alone once more in the middle of the fields.
A minute passed before Paige spoke again, her voice so laden with pain.
"Do you think she did it?" Paige whispered, her body not as rigidly balled up, but still prepared for battle, as she kept her knees up and turned her face briefly to inquire with Walter.
"Do I think who did what?" Try as he may, there were entirely too many she's in this scenario, and he was struggling.
"Nana. Uh, Betty… Do you think she killed my dad?"
His heart broke for her, for the years she's carried the weight of not knowing what happened to him, the why, the lack of answers, the lack of closure which he understood now thanks to her, and a half-assed investigation by cops who wrote it off as a simple hit and run. Random. Probably some teenager.
When he discovered the documents pertaining to Paul's death for the insurance and the withdrawal, he had hacked the police records and had been astounded by just how little was done. The crime scene photos had been a hard pill to swallow. Paige looked so much like her dad… minus the blood. Learning that a young Paige, barely 18, had been the one to identify his mangled and bloodied body shook him to his core. Paul was leaving work, locking up, when a car came straight at him, perpendicular to the roadway, running him over, his body being thrown several dozen feet away. He had called Paige moments before to tell her he was leaving. He never made it home. Injuries so extensive, that he bled out on the sidewalk. No one was ever charged. No real evidence ever collected besides tire marks. Just a random act, on a random Wednesday. And a young Paige Dineen left all alone. Veronica had been doing a stint in Connecticut for a con gone wrong at the time, and had been separated from Paul for a few years at that point, her relationship with Paige nearly non-existent from what he had gathered. Leaving Paige orphaned and alone to figure out the world for herself.
"I, uh… I don't know, Paige." He didn't like this conversation, didn't like the power in her gaze seeking answers he simply couldn't give her. "Humans…their behavior… not really my strong suit. I deal in facts. The facts dictate that her actions and her behavior are suspicious. I think she lies so easily that even Toby would struggle to read her. Which leads me to question if her claims about a trust are credible, or anything she says really. Factually, I think there is enough there to warrant suspicion and further investigation."
She had an odd look on her face, and the disappointment just beneath the surface was glaringly obvious to him. She wasn't asking for his factual analysis, she was asking him, human to human, girlfriend to boyfriend, what he thought.
"...I guess I am both hoping she didn't have anything to do with his death, because I can see how much you're already hurting and I think that would hurt you much more, but also, perhaps, hoping she did, in the sense that it would give you answers and some, um, closure. You could stop wondering what happened because you'd finally know. You could close the book so to speak on the questions you live with. If that makes sense, I'm not sure it does..."
"It does." She took a deep, shaky breath, turning her eyes to him once more, softer this time, vulnerable, sad. "That night… the uh, the one that Jules was talking about, after the carnival… God, Walter… I was so embarrassed. I thought she thought it was stupid. Going to the carnival with my mom, where she was teaching us how to scam the games was horrifying enough, I made her go on all of the rides just to get a break from my mom, but, to then have my dad who was always working, wake us up and have us play poor man carnival games to win stuffed animals I already owned… I just remember being so embarrassed by him. Julia's dad was rich, surely she could get any stuffed animal she wanted, any toy, anything anywhere. I was so mortified. What preteen has their dad hanging out with them? You know? What preteen has clown faced pancakes still? I just wanted to hide. It never even occurred to me that all Julia wanted was what I was so lucky to have had. That I didn't even realize I was so lucky to have had."
"I believe the colloquialism is something to do with grass being greener." Walter offered with a sheepish smile.
"Yeah, I guess you're right… Right after he died, I thought about that night. About how I took for granted how amazing he was. What I would give to have that one more time. Just clown faced pancakes and stupid carnival games at midnight. I was so stupid."
"You were a child, Paige. With hindsight, comes an older, wiser perspective. But, you were a child. With a child's brain, which does not yet have a developed enough frontal lobe to have rational, logical thinking and reasoning, especially not capable of comprehending grand scale ideals, or even process the possibility of a premature death in a way that you could exercise appreciation of something as simple as a father wanting to know about his daughter's day."
"That's very… Toby of you, Walter."
"Yeah, well, I do pay him for a reason. Occasionally I learn something."
"Yeah… Just one more thing that I got wrong back then, I suppose. I don't know how I can look back now and not just see the lies, the misconstrued moments, the deception. Everything feels different. I feel different. Like I don't even know who I am now."
"Paige…" He took in a deep, steadying breath. "I'm so sorry." She looked over, confused by the weight and guilt in his voice. "I should never have let you go into that without knowing everything. You were blindsided because I was so focused on protecting you, I neglected to see how it would hurt you more in the end. Last night, I uh, let myself get carried away… with you, believing there would be time to tell you later. But this morning, seeing how upset you were by the simple fact of Betty's view of you… I just wanted to protect you, keep you safe from anything that could hurt you further. I'm ashamed to admit that when it comes to you, I have a rather large blind spot. It was the single point of failure in this. But I should have found a way to make sure you had all of the information, so you could have processed it privately, and not in that room with everyone there. I regret my choices, and the pain it has caused you, and I am deeply sorry."
"Walter… you tried to tell me. I climbed onto your lap, remember?" He quirked an eyebrow at her. He definitely remembered that. "I didn't want to hear it. Granted, I thought it was more of the same stuff, but I didn't want to know more. I just wanted to be with you and forget the rest." She gave a lopsided smile at the memory. "I didn't allow you to tell me, prepare me today, I was too overwhelmed. That's not on you. I am not mad or upset with you, you know that right?" His face ensured she knew he did not know that. "Walter, I am angry, and hurt, and betrayed, and disappointed, and confused and overwhelmed. I am feeling every possible feeling there is to feel right now because of what just happened in there. But none of those feelings are toward you, or because of you."
"I should have just let her have Scorpion, then you wouldn't be feeling any of that."
"But you would, and it would be, at least eventually, toward me. We talked about that last night. That would have just hurt us both, hurt the team, Ralph. No. Walter. You did the right thing."
"But you're still hurting."
"I am. And that's not going to go away overnight. I'm not sure it will ever truly go away, Walter. There are these moments in life that are just defining, you know? Where you become a before and an after. The person you were before it, and the person you become after it. Sometimes it's great things that change you, like having Ralph, becoming a mother. But then sometimes they're awful things… like Megan dying. You're just… changed by it. This is one of those things."
"I guess I can follow that. But I could argue that Megan's passing also opened me up to changing in positive ways."
"That's true. And you have." She gave him a proud, warm smile. "And you're right. In this, I guess… I also just heard Julia say some of the nicest things she's said to me in years. I can see, and maybe try to understand my mom better now having learned so much about what she faced. Papa has a chance to save his businesses before they completely burn to the ground, was able to get ahead of an affair and planning of a divorce. Maybe I really can rebuild some relationships now with my uncle, aunts, my cousins, based on truth and understanding. It's very messy and so raw, and so much is in limbo right now, but maybe some good can come from it."
"That's… wise."
"And, I still don't understand why you would want to stick around with someone who has more baggage than an Airbus A380, a family that is so deranged prison is a hot topic of routine conversation it would seem, is a single mom, a hot mess at best financially… and yet, despite all of that, I have surmised that I have… you… and that you're not going anywhere. And that comes with the opposite of all of those dark feelings, Walter. You bring me light in this darkness."
"Well, you are right about that. I have no intention of going anywhere."
" Why? Why pick me, Walter? Why didn't you just take the money like Drew… Tim… why stay? I mean, we weren't even officially anything when you decided… "
"Besides being in love with you?"
She nodded, staring at him with such meaning, he presumed seeking some level reassurance and understanding of why he could possibly be different from the rest.
Walter paused for a moment, thinking this response over carefully, and she sat patiently, allowing him the time and space to process his thoughts into words.
"Well, because… there was a before you, and an after you…" he began, echoing her words. "Before you was… bleak. It was empty, meaningless, I didn't belong… anywhere. It was cold, lonely, and dark. But, for some reason that I cannot even begin to comprehend, you have found a way to… romanticize… all of the darkest parts of myself, all the saddest parts of life and love and friendship, and you find this very unique way to simplify life's grandest complexities into something beautiful and full of grace, by connecting people, even people who can't connect with anyone. Like me. You connect me to the world, and to you. With you, I feel… dare I say, human. I'm a better man, a better human, when I'm with you. The after you is a much brighter place, Paige. And if that isn't reason enough to love you, to stick around, I don't know what is. You make the world appear like a Shakespearean play, or a Jane Austen novel. Beautiful and romantic, despite the adversity. I admire your ability to do that. To not allow the harshness of the world to jade you." He spoke so honestly, wanting to convey the very depths of his heart, his soul, his irrational brain to her, to allow it to take hold of her and try and heal some small bit of her broken pieces.
"That's… wow. Thank you. Though, didn't have you pegged as a Jane Austen fanboy, Walt…"
He smirked, but dismissed her chiding.
"You are not what Betty - who for the record, has some sociopathic tendencies - thinks of you, Paige. And you are not her."
A tear slipped past her wall of defenses, dropping down her cheek.
"…You have taught me so many things about humanity, but perhaps, most importantly, that we are all both darkness and light. You accepted me for all of me, quirks, darkness and all, and I am accepting you for all of you, even when at times there's more dark than light. Your deranged baggage in financial ruin and all."
She sniffled a half-hearted laugh, wiping at her eyes.
"...Look, Paige… contrary to how I have spoken of and to you this weekend, being caught up in the thrill of it, I don't have some deluded, grandiose image of who you are, being on some pedestal. I'm not the best at this, but I'm not entirely naive either. I know there will be sides to you I'm going to experience that will be… unsettling. Difficult. Uncomfortable. But, at the root of it all, I know you. Plus.. I sign your paychecks. I know you're broke."
She smirked, staring at him, a light laugh in her throat as she nodded in defeat on that front.
"...I love your son more than I thought was possible. And your emotional baggage just helps to cancel out my lack of emotional availability."
"And what if that's not enough, Walter? What if I don't come back from this darkness and I take you down with me? What if I stay broken like this?" She begged through tears, and he felt a sharp pain in his chest.
"Do you remember when we went to Vietnam? The uh… tornado?"
"Uh, yeah, Walt… kind of hard to forget being sucked up in an actual tornado…" She replied dryly, to which he nodded, but his face turned very serious.
"You were going to be swept up into that tornado, Paige… I uh, was scared. Really scared, that I would lose you." His voice cracked as he recounted his feelings and she grasped his hand comfortingly.
"But you didn't lose me. You held onto me." She responded, trying to comfort him, missing the point.
"I promised you I wouldn't let you go."
"...and you didn't." She gave a small half smile at the memory. "But I don't understand…"
"I'm not going to let you go now, either. Into the storm that's raging in your head threatening to take you like that tornado. I'm going to hold onto your hand as tight as I can, keep you grounded, and I won't let go until the storm dies down and you can safely put your feet back on solid ground."
The tears flowed freely, and her nose and cheeks crinkled as she tried to control the emotion releasing, but failing as a sob ripped through her body, softly nodding to him as he tightened his hold on her hand.
"You won't let go?"
"I'm not letting you go."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"I really do love you." She leaned her head on his shoulder, staring off once more, but calmer, an air of peace overcoming her as she held his hand.
"I really do love you." Placing a lingering kiss to the top of her head, he wrapped his arm securely around her back, holding her to his side, before chuckling. "Besides, no amount of money could top seeing you in those sleep shorts… or uh, out of them."
She laughed. For the first time all morning, she laughed.
And oh boy did he love the sound.
"Walter O'Brien!"
Meanwhile, on the side terrace, Claire stood with Leonard, looking over at the young couple, much like they had done the morning before.
"This family… haven't had anything this wild happen since that drug bust in the 90s!" Claire chuckled.
"Nope. This one has been… interesting. I told you I didn't like that woman right from the moment she arrived, Claire!"
"You told me, dear." Claire answered curtly rolling her eyes. She knew she'd hear who he called it for years to come.
"Can you believe some of the things they were saying she did to that poor girl? And I thought your mother was difficult."
"Jailbird Granny definitely takes the cake on that. Total nutbar! How about you honey? Would you have taken the money?" Claire asked, watching as Walter rubbed Paige's back and kissed her head.
"Nah. Money wouldn't mean anything if I couldn't use it to build a life with you."
"That's too bad. I totally would have taken it. You were cute and all, but man…" Claire teased, making Leonard chuckle with a feigned gasp of being hurt.
"Think those two love birds will make it?" Leonard asked, wrapping his arm around Claire.
"I hope so. They remind me so much of us when we were young." She smiled sweetly up to her husband, taking a chaste kiss. "You did a good thing today standing up for them, honey. I'm real proud of you."
"I was simply stating an observation to correct the record."
"Bullfeathers. You old softy. You wanted love to win, and evil to be cast out. You can't fool me, Leonard. You're a lovesick puppy through and through." She nudged him playfully, and he smiled at her lovingly.
"Well, maybe so, but, you just don't mess with true love, dear. And look at them. You can't tell me what those two have isn't true love."
"Perhaps not. If this were a fairytale, I'm certain their kiss would save the day and all would be well with birds signing." Leonard shot her an impatient look. "Yes dear, true love. Don't mess with it. Got it. Buuuuut, how about we mess with this love in a good way?" She played suggestively, pulling out her phone, wiggling her eyebrows up and down pleadingly, making Leonard laugh.
"Poor things. I'll grab some towels." He shook his head with a laugh as he walked off.
And with the push of a button on her irrigation system app, the fields came to life with sprinklers, and a screech was heard down below.
"AGAIN?!" Paige screamed, jumping to her feet.
"She said six and six!!!! It's 11:23!!!!" Walter yelled, attempting to shield Paige from the spraying water.
But, Paige just stopped and laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Quite literally soaking in the moment. Standing, arms outspread, face up to be washed over by the rains, and laughed.
Twirling in the water, she was allowing each drop to wash away her pain, her misery, her agony, her doubts. Allowed it to rehydrate her body with the love she felt for Walter, the love she carried for her family despite the pain, the love she felt for her son - enough for two parents, and the love and dedication she still felt for and from her dad. With each turn, her tears dissipated, being absorbed and diluted into the water that would nourish the ground beneath their feet.
"Dance with me? Again." Walter asked, taking her hand. And through dripping lashes and squinted eyes, drenched hair matured to her face, she beamed at him, releasing the pain, for now, and replacing her hold on it with the feel of his hand.
He twirled her and swayed with her, their laughter drowning in the click clicking of the sprinkler heads and the loud shh'ing of the water spraying. It only took a minute for their clothing to be drenched through, the weight of her sweatshirt feeling like a weighted blanket, and his hands on her feeling like a calming force resonating over her entire body, bringing with it a sense of ease and comfort. His goofy smile, the one he saved just for her, and the way his eyes lit up behind the droplets falling down his face, as he watched her, made her feel so safe, so protected, so at ease to put down the weight of the morning and just… be.
And the jerky, awkward movements of his hips and arms brought a smile straight from her soul.
The demons would not be cutting in on this dance. No ghosts, no demons, no evil sociopathic grannies.
No, right now, she was simply going to dance with this man who loved her so damn much, that no amount of money would keep him away. The man that gave up millions to send his sister to rest eternally amongst the stars. The man that would stop a speeding train to get to her. The man that would protect her body, but also her heart. The man that she was finally able to love openly.
Breathless, she moved in close, running her fingers through his wet tousled hair at the base of his neck, pulling gently to bring his forehead down to hers. Water pouring over them, soaking her through, dripping from her brows, her nose, her lips, just as it did his. Allowing it to baptize her in his love and the safety of his embrace. The way his arms wrapped immediately around her felt like a forcefield, blocking out all of the noise, the thoughts, the destruction, the hurt.
Except one ringing thought bouncing through her head like a pinball.
What if she didn't recover from this?
"Walter, I know what you said. Thay you'll support me through this. But, I'm so afraid I won't be the same now. That these broken pieces of me won't heal. That I'll stay broken." Paige admitted, hastily, ashamedly hiding her face. He gasped her cheeks, but she wouldn't look into his eyes.
"That just means I'll have more parts of you to love." At that, she looked up and smiled sadly at him, and he kissed her forehead. "And besides, I have quite the assortment of industrial strength adhesives back at the garage. And a team of geniuses. We will put Humpty Dumpty together again. It's been years, but if I recall, not one of the king's men thought less of Humpty for being a little cracked, he was still him beneath the shell. They simply put him back together each time he fell and went about their day. That's what we'll do too."
Walter O'Brien, comparing her to a nursery rhyme, she was sure she was hallucinating, and yet, it was the one thing he had ever told her that fully made sense, no deciphering, no double meaning, no needing to dumb it down. She knew without a doubt that he not only meant it, but he truly believed it as well.
He would take her broken pieces and assemble them one by one, and would glue her back together as many times as it took to stop falling. And when he looked at her, he wouldn't see the cracks, he'd only see the egg underneath.
He was her king.
Everything else disappeared, feeling his lips against her forehead, a sweet comfort and security in the feel of it, while her body stayed encapsulated in his embrace, their breaths mingling, hearts beating with a calm ferocity for each other, souls seeking out the other.
She would be okay.
Maybe not today.
Probably not tomorrow.
But she would be okay. With him by her side.
The king, and all the king's men, would help to put Humpty together again.