Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part IX…
Theme of the approach to a Cylon base star, from the original Battlestar Galatica series…
Scene closing on the grim black, red, and gold of Casterly Rock, famed and infamous lair of the Lannister clan…
Black storm clouds above, constantly shooting lightning and rain…On the castle battlements red and gold lion banners proudly defying the very elements. Flocks of ravens bearing messages to and from the nerve center of the Lannister Empire constantly swarming round…
Inside, a red-robed honor guard forms in the Great Hallway, leading to the mammoth Office of the Lord of Casterly Rock, Tywin Lannister, who now emerges from his all-black marble privy, magnificent in bearing, his black armor with red and gold emblem gleaming…Black cloak draping his shoulders as he strides confidently and powerfully along…Nodding curtly to senior members of the Guard posted along the way…
(Theme of the Imperial) March playing on trumpet as he moves down the Hallway and the huge doors to his mammoth office are opened…
Where, inside, a vast window offers a spectacular, if rainy, panoramic view of the countryside below the great fortress, including the prosperous, if fear-benumbed port of Lannisterport, the prosperous, lush, if fear-benumbed farms and ranches of the village of Lannisterville, the gleaming, prosperous mighty, if fear-benumbed towers of the city of Lannisteropolis…As Lannister surnamed "the Lion" pretty naturally, takes his seat in a huge chair of mahogany, beautifully carved in the shape of a crouching lion, also naturally. A servile assistant in black and red robes steps forward, brushing her long blonde hair back, frantically putting her scrolls and parchment letters to be read or signed in order under one arm, then sweeping back red cloak with other arm, falling on one knee…
"Speak…" Lannister commands… "And hello, Tywina. Did you enjoy your skiing vacation at Winterfalls?" grim look.
"Very much, Uncle. The Family Stark remain wonderful hosts despite the recent tragic events. The skiing, the sleigh rides, the ice fishing and snow stag hunts with the direwolf hounds, just grand…And the Starks remain such great singers, really a neat time." Niece Tywina nods. "There are reports from the King's progress. He and his court have reached Swampflood, the seat of the Addams clan."
"Indeed…" Lannister, grimly, eyebrows raised.
"And we believe from our intelligence reports he persists in his plan to make Lord Gomez his new and sole Hand." She paused, trembling a bit as he rose, grimly, waving her to rise as well. She handing him the said reports.
"So I have foreseen…" he set the reports down on his desk after a brief thumbing, stepped to the window, staring out at the expanse of Lannisterdom before him…Turning back to face her. "There is a great disturbance in the political Forces since the death of Jon Arryn."
"Yes, Uncle…My Lord." Tywina, nervously nodding.
"What news of my daughter and son and that repulsive Imp…?" he eyed her, resuming his seat.
"Queen Cersei still seems bent on trying to prevent anyone from learning that Robert's bastards are not his own…While ensuring Joffrey's secure rise to the throne."
"Hmmn…No great problem…A virile and ruthlessly powerful king should be seen to have many bastards. People expect it. So long as no one questions Joffrey's rights…And therefore my nicer and more rational, as well as malleable, grandson, Tommen…To the throne. Which means we'll have to allow that psycho Joffrey to take the throne first." Drumming fingers on the massive desk, carved from the fired door of the last great castle to resist him in rebellion, 'Suck dick, Lannister!' still faintly visible on the surface to his grim amusement...We saw who 'sucked dick' in the end, sucka… "Not the best thing really but Politics requires such sacrifices, my dear. You must learn the reasoning behind such things and events if you are to remain in my service and be a proper junior member of the clan Lannister." Grim eyeing…
"Yes, Uncle…My Lord."
"What else? What of Jamie and…It?"
Uncle's such a good father…All the cares of running the Empire of the Clan Lannister on his head and it's always, how are the kids? First, she noted, fondly.
"Both well and safely arrived at Swampflood…
"There's a pity…I could have hoped the bogs would have swallowed up one of my problems…" he frowned. "I suppose It's drinking and whoring on a scale that puts King Robert to shame…" sigh.
"As always, my Lord." Nod.
"He would have had to cleverly invest his allowance in Addams' and Middlefingers' enterprises. He doesn't even have a large credit balance outstanding with the Bronze Bank now like Jamie and Cersei. I can't threaten to cut him off any longer." Grim drumming of fingers. "But save that burden to deal with later… Jamie's well, eh? No, uh…Romantic interests?" slightest of hopeful tones underlying the grim.
"He remains true to his vows, my Lord. With the usual allowances for minor escapades on a non-Tyrionian scale."
"Hmmn…Any chance one of those girls might be a serious thing? A lusty peasant whore might be just the right transfusion of sturdy blood into our clan. And it would be a chance to get Jamie to reconsider his vows."
Well that seems a bit unfair considering cousin Tyrion's whore peasant bride's casting out…She thought.
"Well…?" grim stare…
"Afraid not, my Lord…From all that our people can determine…" hesitating…
Grimmer stare, folding of hands… "I trust that does not mean opportunities for surveillance of my son and heir have been overlooked through someone's clumsiness. Jamie being in such need of my guidance."
"No, my lord Uncle…My Lord…We've had him watched as much as possible…His every move accounted for…As you've commanded."
"Good…" cold nod. "Then we can continue to dismiss these nonsensical rumors about him and my daughter as nonsense and bitter tales left over from the last dynasty, those creepy white-haired purple-eyed Targaryen perverted maniacs. Do wish the boy would get on with it though. Tyrion…" he paused. "That thing I must acknowledge as my own…" he corrected. "Has got the right spirit if too much of it."
"He's a pistol, Tyrion." Smile.
Grimmer stare…"A discredit to his name. A millstone round my neck. His name should never be mentioned unless I do so. Bear that to heart, girl."
"Yes, Uncle." Nervous nod.
"Even if he may be the one hope of our clan…You never heard that." He raised a finger…Grimmest stare yet.
"Yes, Uncle…My Lord." Bow.
"See that my usual belittling reprimand is dispatched to him along with this report." He tapped parchment in his hand. "And send a copy to Jamie…See the big words are exchanged for something easier to follow in his case."
"Yes, Uncle…My Lord."
"I suppose Cersei will be upset at not getting a copy…" Frown. "She needs to learn her place in the scheme of things…Not quite as capable as she feels she is…And not me in a dress. Still, she is Queen…Better make a copy for her too, but not to be presented to her until she asks for it. She always thinks her intelligence is better anyway, though it's not only crap intelligence, it's what my disinformation people put out for other clans as intelligence, indicating her spies are crap as well."
"Ummn…? Yes, my Lord."
"And what of the capital?" cold stare…
"The scheming of Middlefinger and Verymuchs and Grand Maester Purile, along with a bunch of lesser characters most of whom are too unimportant to mention, continue. Middlefinger seeks to overthrow the King for his own purposes, Verymuchs seeks to keep him on the throne for his own purposes, Purile was wondering which way you wanted him to blow."
"Senile old tool…" Lannister glared. "He ought to know I want Robert to stay. Our words may be 'Hear our triumphant roaring over the slaughtered corpses of our enemies' but in fact a kingdom…Any state, Tywina…Functions on compromise and alliance. And it's often best not to be seen as the public head honcho, Numero Uno, Big Cheese."
"You mean we use King Robert as our tool, sir? Uncle, sir?" she asked.
"Well, not exactly. He's too good a killer and battlefield general…And when he's not bored to tears with the detail work of being master of the realm, he's actually better at it than anyone but me and maybe…Another." Solemnly grim stare.
"Oh?" she blinked. "Uncle?"
"You wish to ask why I've never taken the throne and secured absolute power for myself?" he eyed her coldly.
"Actually I was going to ask if I could give you these and go to lunch…" she indicated the papers and scrolls. "But I'm guessing that's a no…" sigh.
"A good question…" he'd turned back to the window, ignoring her. "What happens to the animal which eagerly takes the lead alone from the pack?…The tree that rises tallest in its pride about the others?…The mushroom that dares defiantly grow in the light of the sun in advance of the others…?" he turned to face her again…
"Well…" she began…
"Yes…It gets picked off…Easy." Tywin nodded coldly.
"I was going to say that…" she nodded.
"We Lannisters hold all the real levers of power in this kingdom…Control of the finances and control of the mineral wealth…And our crucial wood energy resources and the horse post transit system. Yet despite bringing prosperity, peace, universal health care…And order…To the Kingdom, no one likes us now…Can you imagine how disliked we'd be if we wore the freaking crown, in our family name, too? Right…" he nodded grimly.
"The people would have no hope of redress against imagined crimes by us, excepting those damned Targaryen brats across the Sailable Sea. They'd rebel in hopes of splattering our kingly guts as the only option left. But…We keep another on the throne…Holding him in our financial vise grip, our family intertwined round him, his heirs of our blood as well as his…What's that?" grimmer stare as Tywina giggled.
(…and his, right…) Gulping as he glared coldly at her… "Uh, nothing, something in my throat, my Lord."
Uncle doesn't take to perversion well, even if it's to the family's benefit, mustn't forget that…She desperately reminded herself…
Tywin continuing after eyeing her coolly…"They focus their hopes and their anger and complaints on him. The last thing we really want is to have a Lannister name on the throne so long as we control all from behind the scenes."
"That's really clever, Unc…My Lord." Tywina nodded.
"Or as my great-great-great-great-grandfather Guido Lannisteria would say while mastering the dialect here after immigrating from the free island of Sicilia…And I always tell Jamie, it being a simpler, boiled down version of my philosophy of power… 'First you getta the money, then you gotta the power'…" he eyed his niece coldly.
"Whoa…" Tywina nodded, impressed.
"Still there's one thing that troubles me…" Tywin rose grimly…Staring out the vast panoramic window…
"Uncle?"
"I mean, look out there…" he waved arms. "Prosperity as far as eye can see…Peace…Universal health care…And my progressive tax policies on all the wealthy outside our clan in our lands combined with middle class tax cuts have kept the wealthy unable to oppress the poor and middle class and the lower 99% booming…" pause… Long stare…
"So where's the joy?"
"Uncle?"
"Look." He pointed to the empty Lannisville village square…The nearly empty but for sailors and workmen nervously scurrying about the Lannisterport docks. "No one is out there, singing and dancing, enjoying life, perhaps even offering a kindly word of praise for one Lannister." He noted grimly, slightest of sighs. "I never see any happy crowds…Everyone's always looking terrorized and oppressed when I go on procession through the towns and Lannisteropolis. It's rather discouraging, given the generally good economic news. Even the price of wood's been falling this year, we've even managed to declare energy independence from the Essos forest barons."
"Well, Uncle…" Tywina, nervously. "You do inspire a considerable degree of fear. Perhaps…"
"Yes…?" grim stare.
"If you just…Maybe…Smiled once in a while…People really are pleased with the economy, except of course the 1% who pretty much hate, but more importantly, and in their ambitious cases to your benefit, fear, you. I think…If you smiled just every now and then while going around…"
Grimmer stare…She blinking and quaking a bit…
"You do know I haven't smiled since your aunt died." He eyed her, then both glanced to the glorious portrait of a beaming, lovely blonde-haired Joanna Lannister in her youth, hanging over his rear office wall, above a huge fireplace black marble mantlepiece.
"So the guys…Cersei and Jamie…" Tywina agreed… "Tell me. Most of us younger nieces and nephews can't believe you ever did…"
Tywin strode back to the window, gazing out, arms clasped grimly behind his proudly erect back…
"Yes, when your aunt Joanna lived…Then I smiled…On my wedding day, my wedding night, the morning after, the birth of my children, my wife's birthday, the kids' birthdays, Sevenmas when we opened the presents, and occasionally when the kids said something clever or touchingly cute. But since your aunt Joanna's death, I do not smile. Nothing makes me smile. I just can't smile without her. That was our song, you know. 'I Just Can't Smile Without You'. And you know what I did to keep that song from ever being sung again after her death?" grim stare back to her…
Tywina trembling, dropping to one knee again, bowing head… "Yes, Uncle. It's a family legend."
(Cut to shot of Minstrel Barry de la Manilow being decapitated in the Lannisterville village square…)
"And the penalty remains death for anyone daring to sing it…" he noted, icily.
"Yes, Uncle…My Lord." She nodded, fervently, keeping head bowed, quaking…
"Still…" icy reflection. "It's not bad advice."
She looked up, relieved.
"Now if Jamie would just find himself capable of renouncing his silly oaths to the Guard, take some lusty young girl, noble, peasant, who cares so long as she can bear kids and has a little spirit...I might, just possibly…Crack a smile on his wedding day." Tywin noted grimly.
"That would be neat, Uncle…My Lord. We shall all pray the gods for such a happy day." Tywina, eagerly.
Then hesitated.
"Yes?" grim look.
"While we wait for Jamie to do his duty to the family and King Robert to collapse…About the capital? The scheming Middlefinger and Lord VeryMuchs and their schemes? Anything to be done there?"
"They keep each other in check, my dear." Tywin sneered. "Middlefinger is the more immediate danger having his hands on real economic power but VeryMuchs is the long-term danger as he is the smarter and his Targaryen ties overseas could be fatal, in years to come…Should the Targaryen brats prove capable and happen to reactivate one or more of their family's dragons by some bizarre sort of fire ceremony. But why should you think King Robert will collapse…? Or that it is desirable he should?"
"But didn't we want Joffrey secure on the throne to clear the way for Tommen? And didn't you have Jon Arryn and Ned Stark poisoned to take them out of the Game?"
"Joffrey, now, while he's still young enough to spend years ruining the Kingdom? Gods no…And why would I want good efficient Hands of the King dead, leaving me to have to put my hat in the ring, violating my own principle of staying firmly behind the throne?"
"Oh…But I thought…" Tywina, sensing displeasure…
"You thought…" grimly icy stare.
"Sorry my Lord…" she quaked.
Gods, my knee is starting to hurt…And I'm starved…She thought.
"I've no desire to unseat Robert…I wish him many years yet…And this elimination of two capable if dully loyal and foolishly honorable men brings Lord Gomez that manic genius and unknown quantity within a heartbeat of the Throne. That one man who could truly challenge our house."
"Really? I'd heard he was nuts."
"Nuts ain't the word, girl. A freaking maniac…But a financial wizard, inventive genius, and supreme warrior whose bizarrely accurate wild guesses have even surpassed my steady, grimly persistent climb to untold wealth and power. If he gains Robert's ear on a regular basis, who knows what could happen, but I wouldn't give two cents for the continuation of our horse transit monopoly."
"Oh, right…His railroad scheme…" she nodded. "But we own the land of the right of way to the capital…And most of the mineral resources of the Seven Kingdoms."
"Yes, but one new resource has eluded our grasp. A new substance, which Addams himself discovered, which potentially could change the power balance in our world. And someone, someone I don't know yet whom, has been securing that substance."
"Lord Addams? But he's never tried a bid for power like that…"
"Perhaps not…" grim stare… "Or perhaps he's been even more patient and far-seeing than even I. Anyway, until we know for sure what is going on…We must be Lannister cautious…Lannister restrained…Let Lord Addams establish himself in Kings' Landing and then make our move accordingly. You understand, niece?"
"Well…I suppose so, Uncle." She nodded.
"Well, just remember the words of Guido the Don… 'First…?'" he paused, eyeing her.
"…you getta the money, then you gotta the power.'?"
"Exactly so…" grim smile. "There's a good girl, why don't you go get some lunch and we'll take up where we left off this afternoon?"
"Thanks, Uncle." She nodded, with relief.
Say, wait... "Uncle Tywin? Did you just...?" she stared, stunned...
"Did I what?" grim stare...
"Uh, nothing..." she bowed, backing away...
I love doing that...He thought...Drives 'em crazy.
...