Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part XVI…
The mid North, en route to Kings' Landing…
"So you insolent peasant dog, you dare to threaten your future king?!" Joffrey, sword raised at the terrified said peasant boy, a dark-haired gangly, trembling one, now firmly if reluctantly held in the grip of the Airdale. Staring at the slight if magnificently decked out figure before him, seemingly dropped out of the clouds or wherever them royals lived.
"I was but fishin' your whatever's the title, sir…This is naught but a fishin' pole, sir." The boy nodded at the pole Joffrey had had the Airdale grab and break on encountering the boy at the river's bank. Joffrey naturally panicking as the boy turned, pole still in hand, to see who might be acomin'…Perhaps Gran with me lunch?
"Such insolence…For that, the price is one toe…Tell me, which shall it be, you peasant scum?!" Joffrey sneered. "Come, come, your future king generously offers you a choice." Hmmn…He eyed the toes in open sandals as the terrified boy stared blankly. "Very well then, let me assist you. Eenie, meanie, mynie, moe…I'd say this is the toe to…" slash at little toe on right foot as the boy howled. Naturally, Joffrey backing in panic as the boy writhed in agony, gasping.
"Hold him, you fool!" Joffrey cried. The Airdale sighing as he gripped the poor kid steadfast.
Things one must do to keep a middle class paycheck these days…
But, work is work.
"You cur! You pup! You vomitous scum!" Joffrey addressed the boy as the boy wailed, trying to rub his one-toe-less foot in the dirt to stop the bleeding. The boy paralyzing again as he felt Joff's sword on his cheek.
"Well…" Joffrey eyed the slightly fear-benumbed boy. "I was unjust there. I'd promised to let you choose the toe to lose. But, no matter…" jolly air, beaming smile. "You've still nine to go! Ha, ha, ha!"
Lords…The Airdale sighed. My homicidal maniac brother, the Heavy, may be a murderous psycho but at least he's got balls. Can't wait for this one to take the throne and get torn to pieces by a mob or poisoned by a worried mother or grandmother of the girl he gets betrothed to.
"Arrgh!" the boy screamed as Joffrey having suggested he pick a number from one to nine and if he guessed right, no more toes would go…Naturally, he picked wrong…Though at least this time he'd been allowed to choose, Joff cheerfully noted, waving struck-off toe.
"Well, I've places to see, people to terrorize, hearts to win. Oh, boy…Don't forget to tell your father to vote the Barftheron slate for magistrate and council in the next town, or village?..." he paused.
"Village…Me Lord…" the boy, moaning a bit as the Airdale released him.
"…And a fine one, I'm sure…" winning smile… "…village council election."
"There be only one slate of candidates, me Lord. The Lord's Whatshisname's…Our great local lord." the boy, whimpering a bit less now as the Airdale bound his bleeding foot with a neckcloth, patting him.
"Really? That's awful…Feudalism at its unjust worst." Joffrey frowned. "Well, in one of my bizarre changes of mood I shall commit myself to nobly righting this wrong. Your Prince and future King shall see that free local elections are guaranteed, boy. Tell everyone you know, all your friends. Prince and future King Joffrey treats you people right." He beamed, waving.
"Yes, me Lord…Thanks me Lord." The boy haplessly waving
…
Casterly Rock…
(Cylon base star theme from the original Galactica series…)
Lord Tywin in elegant black armor, red robe over…Damned place is chillier than Winterfalls, when the hell do we reinvent the central heating the old Valerian Empire used to have?...Hell, if my damned ancestors had had any brains and kept a few tech manuals intact we wouldn't need the late Ned Stark's hot springs here…Seated in his office chair, surveying the vast realm outside.
Naturally clouds still storming just overhead…
His niece Tywina admitted at a knock by guards, hurried to fall on knee before him, offering a sealed raven's note with one hand.
"Speak…"
"My Lord Uncle…News from the capital." She waved the arm.
"You did read it, didn't you?" he frowned. "Knowledge is one form of power, remember that…Your cousin Cersei thinks she's clever when she tries to trump it with brutal force but she's a fool…Always seek to gain that inside info, Tywina." He motioned for her to rise… "I'm a busy man, give me the boiled-down version. No doubt Robert and co have reached Kings' Landing by now."
"Yes, Uncle…" she nodded, rising. "The King and his party, including his new Hand, Lord Gomez, are about to enter. A great celebration is being planned. Lord Belloq requests yet another loan to cover expenses."
"Idiotic nonsense. Though approved, since it winds the Kingdom further in our clutches. But, when we've got Joffrey or Tommen on the throne I shall see there's an end to that kind of heedless waste. We need infrastructure repair and real jobs, not this…All the cash going to the Free Cities' traders. But perhaps the new Hand will set things in better order. Jonny Arryn was always too indulgent of Robert's follies. Anything else?" he eyed Tywina.
"Our agents in the capital report that Lord Belloq and Lord Verymuchs continue to plot together, for their own ends."
"Yes, yes…Tell me something I don't know, girl…" he frowned. "I'm giving you valuable training in how to cut through crap here, remember it."
"Yes, my Lord Uncle…Lord Gomez has persuaded the King to take an interest in that new resource you were concerned about…" she eyed Tywin who gave her a keen look.
"Indeed…" he put hands together. "Now that is interesting. So Addams seeks to promote this same coal that someone has been securing the rights to, both here and in Essos. Most interesting…And gotten Robert to take a look at it, finally, eh? This is very useful, Tywina. We will have to act on it and again move to seek control of this potentially fabulous resource."
Really? That big a deal? I thought it just a messy black rock when a specimen got passed round at the last full meeting of the Lannister board.
"Yes…And to take an interest…" she paused. "Well, this other may be of little import…"
"Continue…That one useful tidbit has earned you a bonus point…" he nodded.
"…in the Queen." She finished.
"What? To take an interest in Cersei?" stare.
"They actually managed an evening together without bitterly castigating each other." She nodded.
"Gomez Addams arranged that…?" he rose.
"Uhh…Yes, it seems so, Uncle." She nodded, nervously…Uncertain.
"Gods be damned, what a thing…" he shook head. "They actually weren't cursing each other all evening, for once?"
"No, Uncle. In fact, the Queen was actually reportedly rather content, the whole evening. And King Robert actually said something polite to her on two occasions."
"Think of that…" he sighed. She staring in shock as a tear ran…
"Pardon me…It's just so nice to hear my little girl might finally be a tad happy." He shrugged. "I guess owe Lord Addams one. Note that if it still all goes to pot and war, you should remind me to spare one of his children from a grisly death. Then summon the board of relatives and principle bannermen…This matter of securing coal rights must be dealt with at once. I sense the future of our financial empire depends upon it."
"Yes, Uncle." Tywina beamed, making quick notes.
Always the kids first…That's why we almost love him as much as we all fear him…
…..
The royal camp, that evening…
A fuming Jamie, resplendent in his Kingsguard armor and waving hair, striding about…All knights and guards bearing anything resembling arms carefully avoiding him, quite aware from past experience that his favorite way of relieving tension is a bit of knightly slaughter. All but The infamous Heavy, Ser Raging Pus de la Boil, who would like nothing better than to test his strength, insane ferocity, and huge bulk against the, relatively speaking, little girly man Kingslayer.
However, Jamie Lannister is the son of Tywin Lannister and angry…Not suicidally insane.
Pissed though, in fact…
Hey, nearly killed two young boys to cover my incestuous relationship and here, a few weeks in transit home, what do I find on seeking the girl I did it for? She's freaking unable to see me, because she's freakin' having "quality time" with her hubbie, Robbie. "But the Queen did say, she'd try to see you later, for a moment…" the messenger returning her answer to his note requesting a later rendezvous told him. With, of course, considerable…And utterly justifiable…Trepidation.
Sadly, for Jamie…Brightly for the messenger, a young squire with everything to hope for and a promising future backed by the gold he'd been paid to dispose of his former lord, Jon Arryn, the messenger had not born arms of any kind.
"Uh…Any reply, my Lord?" the young squire, nervously.
"Reply? As in, sending your severed head back? Or perhaps you with head, sans arms?" Jamie eyed him coldly, hand twitching by side of sword.
"Uh…I was hoping more in the line of a verbal or written message, my Lord Lannister." The messenger noted.
"Just tell that…Sister…Of mine…" grim stare. "I wish her every happiness…" grit of teeth. "And I'll see her in the morning…"
The messenger blinked…Mental praise to the gods, desperate promise never to kill for money and profit again unless really serious threat to family and loved ones, not just implied as this time…Nodded…Bowed… "My gracious Lord…" Very gracious…Thank you, thank you, thank you…And headed off, quickly as his feet and the mire in the barely torch-lit darkness would allow.
"Bet it won't even throw her…" Jamie muttered. "She'll simply be pleased I'm taking it so well…" He threw himself down near a fire which was hastily deserted by the few guards about it at his grim…You boys do have somewhere else you can be, right?...Stare.
Far away stare into flames, musing…Chin cupped in hands on sword hilt of sword plunged into the mire beside him.
(Music playing in background…Mistrel Bono testing a new one for the King's upcoming festival for the new Hand…)
Jamie:
"I have climbed the highest mountains…I walked through bloody fields…
Only to be with you…Only to be with you…" Image of Cersei in dress to his vision…
Meanwhile, alone at the Wall…In fact having had his moment of self-appointed glory in pissing off it…A reflective Tyrion, echoing Jamie's thoughts, on a different girl…His beloved, lost peasant whore wife, Tysh…Whom he'd "rescued" one day with Jamie and believing she'd come to love him, married, regardless of her low rank…Only to learn from his brother's words after that she'd been a working girl, hired to play damsel in distress as a well-meant gift of his brother's. And a week later his furious father, learning the joke had gone to extremes, angrily annulled the marriage, and forced him to watch the girl being taken as a whore by all his men, he being forced to take her last. Only the odd look of despair and scorn in her eyes meeting his own anger at betrayal had left him puzzled and troubled all these years since…
Not so much as to risk either his dad's monumental wrath or learning that Tysh had merely been annoyed at being overworked…But…Still…
Nah…Heck, Jamie had backed Dad up on the whore business…Surely he knew if Dad didn't that such a complete betrayal as gang-raping his wife, leaving her believing her husband had been in on it, and letting him let her go, believing the story would be a killable, family-tie severing…Heck family-destroying…Offense. No, Jamie'd never had betrayed him that way at least.
Still…
Jamie:
"I have run…"
Tyrion:
"I have crawled…"
Jamie: Tyrion:
"I have scaled these fortress walls…" "This giant Wall…"
Jamie at the fire/Tyrion at the Wall:
"Only to dream of you…"
"But I still haven't found…
What I'm lookin' for.
No, I still…Haven't found…
What I'm lookin'…" (Dear God, that is a long drop…Tyrion blinked, peering…)
"…For…
No, I still…Haven't found…
What I'm lookin' for."
Robert, in Cersei's wagon tent, lying next to her:
"I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her finger tips
It burned like fire
(I was)
Burning desire…"
Cersei, gently stroking him:
"I spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone…"
Jamie, Tyrion, Robert, Cersei:
"But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for…"
At Kings' Landing, in his darkened office, seated…Lord Verymuchs looks out over the city:
"I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the royal colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But, yes, I'm still plotting…"
Jamie, Tyrion each sighing at their respective locations:
"I broke the bonds
And I loosed the chains
Now I carry the cross of my shame
Oh, my shame, you know I believe it…"
Jamie, Tyrion, Robert, Cersei, Lord Verymuchs, joined by Lord Belloq and Lord Tywin at their various locales, Belloq and Tywin like Verymuchs looking out from office windows, and by Danerys Targaryn and Ser Jonah at their camp in Essos, likewise staring out at the night:
"But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
No I still haven't found
What I'm looking for…"
"Nicely done, Minstrel Bono…" Lord Gomez had strolled over…In part to politely avoid the caterwauling coming from the royal wagon tent. "But methinks you might want to add a few extra players…"
Everyone's a critic, Minstrel Bono, bowing but inwardly frowning…