Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values

Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?

Part XXII…

Storming Out, seat of the Barfthreon clan…

Where a sighing Lord Stanislaw Barfthreon was yet again dealing with the issue of introducing a new and (hopefully, gods…er Light Lord) potent new faith, eyeing his ever-faithful, incorruptible, naturally gifted Admiral of the Sailable Sea, the famed Spinach Knight, Ser Davos Seaworthy. Seaworthy, calmly awaiting his fate, flanked by Stanislaw's new High Priestess, Melisande who bore a sorrowful yet determined expression. Meaning, if recent history held, there's sure to be someone burning brightly tomorrow in the main courtyard.

Though Brother Bob had already indicated his increasing displeasure with his brother's new found religious zeal in his usual colorful language via raven. "What the damned f—are ye doin', you loon?! Religious fervor?! I'll religious fervor you, You moronic twit! Put that tramp on a leaky boat to Essos or in yer dungeon and her fires out or else! Robert Barftheron, Rex et Judis, etc. (Royal Seal). P.S. Dear Gods?! You, a religious nut?! This sounds plotty to me, bro. I want a full report and perhaps a painting of the girl. Is she really all that hot? Bob."

"Davos…" sigh. "What were you thinking? Assaulting Melisande's motley crew of freaks and zealots and those on the fence? Are you trying to rate a high place on the burn list?"

"Arrhh…I am what I am, me Lord." Davos shrugged.

"Admiral Ser Seaworthy…" Stanislaw shook head. "You know I'm counting on Melisande's support to gain the throne when my brother meets his inevitable and soon end at the hands of the Lannisters.,." he glanced at Melisande's slight, polite coughing.

"And I'm a devoted follower of this crazy non…Of the Life…" "Light, my Lord…" Melisande corrected. "Right, Light Lord." Stanislaw nodded. "Having my most trusted aide and staunch supporter…And any former pirate who'd devotedly continue in one's service after his Lord took several fingers has to be pretty damned staunch…Fighting with my high priestess' followers and attendants is not conducive to promoting our new Faith."

"Arrhh…I am…"

"Right,…You are what you are." Stanislaw nodded wearily. "But I need a little diplomatic finesse here, Davos…Though as always as a warrior knight-would-be-king, I hafta applaud your prowess. I really have to start including spinach in our army diet."

"It has an unusual effect for me, me Lord." Davos noted. "Perhaps it's the fact that there were so few veggies on my bleak island rock of a boyhood home. Or the special variety me wife the amateur botanist developed."

"Hafta try it sometime, though I have heard it's killed men who've partaken." Stanislaw.

"Ay, that it has. Tis a rare breed of men who can handle me spinach…" Davos nodded. "Allergic reactions, me wife says."

"Sometime soon we'll have my medical maesters start clinical trials." Stanislaw noted. "But getting back to you, this unfortunate incident, and your punishment…" sigh.

Nothing I dislike more than throwing an old friend to the flames.

"My Lord…" Melisande cooed from her spot at his side. "While the Admiral's offense merits death…And the Light Lord demands a sacrifice…I think we could work something out, given his years of service to you, your friendship, and his needed talents."

Oh? Stanislaw, Davos, Melisande's battered and somewhat annoyed surviving followers…

"I think a substitute could be found…"

Oh, not his wife, you crazy…Stanislaw sighed. I was at the wedding and the christening of all their kids…

Geesh, girl…Anyone can see you have the hots (bad pun) for the man but really?

"I'm convinced Ser Tremulous is guilty of treason…As well as heresy…And while, given his willingness to abjectly recant, we've been forced to spare him on the heresy charge…" she eyed Stanislaw.

Hmmn…Stanislaw nodded thoughtfully. Well, clever girl. And I always suspected Ser T would stab me in the back at first opp…

"Me Lord…" Davos cut in. "Tis against me honor to let another die in me place…"

Oh…My… Melisande…And quite a few onlookers, male as well as female…Sighed.

I gotta lick every crag in that weather-beaten, incredibly handsome in the most ruggedly manly way, face…

Uh, for the Light…

Come on, what am I thinking…I want this guy, she thought. Jesus, Light Lord, whatever be…Uh…Praised.

Heck He did bring us together, right? In a way. He must want me to do him in His name.

"It's done, Seaworthy." Stanislaw, firmly. "Tremulous always was a traitor, this is only justice…Mingled with religious mania and injustice. I expect you to do yer duty like a seafarin' man and my trusted right arm and accept my judgment…After the formality of a show trial to see that the illusion of justice is maintained, however weak the façade."

"Hmmmn…" Seaworthy frowned. "Me Lord, ye know I have ever held me cap off to thy fortune, like that other pirate captain Melas who served Sextus Pompey in old Valeria. But…I canno see an innocent man and a friend die in me place, no. I am ready to face whatever punishment be meted out."

"Davos…" Stanislaw hissed by his ear, trying to look grim and forbidding… "You know I can't look weak and pardon ye…Come on, Trem's a jerk and really is a weasely traitor. Cut me a break, here, buddy, people are watchin'."

Davos, sighing deeply. "Tis sorry I am that I have but one life to lay down for the Gods and you, me Lord…"

"My Lord!" Melisande, anxiously. "I don't think we need to proceed. Oh, how could I have forgotten?!" she put on contrite look. "Today is the feast day of the Light Lord's brother…"

"Say what?" Stanislaw blinked.

"Yes, and on this holy day, all crimes against the Lord are forgiven…" earnestly demure smile, slightest brushing back of long, dark brown hair.

Followed by fixedly grim stare as Stanislaw continued to blink at her…

Je…Light Lord, I'm giving you an out here, idiot. Take it, she thought, resuming demurely innocent smile.

Lord of Light help you if I'm ever convinced I was wrong and you're not the Anointed Hero we've been awaiting.

Ohhh…Stanislaw finally got it.

Aristocrats…She thought, involuntary shake of head. Even when they're the Chosen One, always a little dense unless they've had some set back in life, like lil' Tyrion Lannister, my worthless/beloved betrayer of an ex-husband, light lord protect his sweet little impish hide despite my bitter desire for vengeance. A vengeance that will bring his whole freakin' House, the vile lot of them…My ex-inlaws, down, preferably in flames.

But one can hope, in the battered, most distant and lost corner of one's shattered peasant girl/forced prostitute/high priestess of a new and rather vicious faith's heart…That my lil' impy didn't know and had nothing to do with my humiliation.

Though rather hard to reconcile with his joining in my gang rape, there was something in his eyes, that look of betrayed hurt…

But all lies, like his sweet protestations of love and insistence that he was not interested in his family's position or wealth…Only desiring to make me happy.

Uh-huh. With about thirty other hulking brutes…Right.

But now I'm the one with power…Well, sorta…Though the guy I have to constantly bolster as the hero who will save the Kingdoms…My Light Lord faith his and my own ticket not only to a blessed afterlife... Well, someone has to believe this crap, might as well be me, the High Priestess…But to power here in Westeros.

And the final destruction of the Lannisters and all their aristocratic ilk…

Which is why…She eyed the frowning Seaworthy…A man like you, a true people's hero and doubly chosen as the closest friend of my Chosen One…Would fit me like a glove.

Or perhaps rather, I…Would fit you. Wan smile.

Hmmn…She looked around at the group eyeing her.

"Are you all right, Melisande?" Stanislaw asked, genuinely concerned.

She's gone off in trances but never quite this long.

Funny how it's usually when Seaworthy's round.

"Uh…Just mediating on the glorious bounty of our Lord, my Lord." She smiled.

"Ser Davos, you and Ser Tremulous are free, praise the divine bounty of our Lord of Light." She beamed at him. Then, a bit sternly… "But do not challenge Him again. Happy Feast of the Brother's Day." She raised hand in benediction, turned, albeit reluctantly, and headed back to join her still annoyed and somewhat confused followers.

Feast of the what…?

"Go and celebrate, my brothers and sisters…" she eyed them, pausing.

Hmmn…

"A feast will be held tonight at our Light Cathedral…Seven- er Eight-thirty…All are welcome."

Well…The group eyed each other…If it's on our Lord of Light…

"Happy Feast of the…" several called to her… "Brother…" she noted, a little grimly…

"Right…"

"Ser Davos?" she had turned to face the still frowning Seaworthy.

Arrgh, something be fishy about this and I ought to know a fishy smell…

"I hope you …" eagerly…"And your wife and family…" less eagerly… "Will join us, as a gesture of good will, along of course with Lord Stanislaw. Semi-casual dress, but you'd be welcome to wear your (grand, dashing, if elegant in its simplicity) uniform. Till tonight, my Lord Admiral…My Lord…" she bowed to Stanislaw.

Stanislaw turning to aide. "Are we booked for tonight? I was sure I was free tonight to work on my stamp collection."