Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part LI…
Kings' Landing…
The Royal Theatre, Middlefinger Entertainment Palace…
Where a, yes, royal, among the rest of us, audience eagerly awaited the opening night curtain rise for "Game of Thrones, Season Two…"
Morticia with a reluctant Gomez…Would far rather be weaving my way through a totally non-political maze tonight in our bedroom ala La Roman de la Rose but, duty and King's desire to please the Queen with a big society night out, call…In the Royal Box, with Queen Cersei…Robert and Tyrion to join them shortly, Jamie as Kingsguard Captain, naturally in their wake…
"So this is another of Belloq's musical comedies?" Morticia asked Gomez who shrugged a bit uncertainly.
"I understand from Bob it's part musical, part beyond the pale dangerously current political satire, plus a good degree of blood-and-sex-fest, if it's anything like Season One, last year's hit. Of course while Bob is willing to enjoy then ban a good political satire as much as the next absolute ruler, it's the 'blood-' part of the fest that surely grabs him."
"Sorry it had to be for mature audiences…It would have been nice for Wednesday to join us, and poor Arya, who seems so in need of paternal attention." Morticia noted.
"Yes, Arya's been quite the budding juvenile delinquent, with bloodpiece." Gomez reflected. "But I think Wednesday's and Ser Lotus' efforts to channel her rage toward fighting crime and injustice in the name of the People as one of the Masked Avengers is bearing fruit. Unless of course it's leading the three of them into founding some sort of violent vigilante or supervillains' association."
"Well, in any case…" Morticia, sighing. "Probably not a suitable entertainment for young girls not planning to defy gender standards, the course Wednesday seems set upon now that romance has claimed her dark heart."
"If it's like Season One, it's probably the sex that earned the M rating…" Cersei noted, a bit eagerly eyeing the stage. "I did let Joff see it but he's nearly grown. Not all that much blood, though Bob did enjoy the tournament fighting scene, a nice assortment of flying heads, guts, and blood spatter. I've got to say, Middlefinger does do his special effects well."
"But tis not based on real people and events…?" Gomez asked. "I'd heard some claim it cut a bit too close at times."
"Not at all…Strictly fantasy. Our censor, Maester Purile, is an overzealous and rather sycophantic prude." Cersei waved a hand. "I mean, you should've seen the skank Queen last year…Sleeping around like there's no tomorrow and constantly plotting her King's death with this cousin she's keepin' doubling as Kingsguard Captain? And the clownish brute they had as King…Putting out bastards by the dozen, so dense regards the Queen you know he's done for before act 1 ends, and none of Bobbie's warm-heartedness. And the noble oaf who takes over as the doomed Lord Hand, played by this rather doable fellow Bean? They claim he was based on Ned Stark but please, Ned was never so clueless. But, very funny…Reminded me of Ser Benny Hill's old stuff." She beamed. "Joff loved the psycho son who becomes King…"
Hmmn…Gomez eyed Morticia.
"Ladies, Gentlemen, assorted bourgeois and peasant scum…" Middlefinger had stepped out on stage, winning smile. "We…The cast and crew of the Royal Theatre…Your Royal Theatre, supported by your taxes, a degree of pillage, and a generous grant from the Lannister Foundation which invites you to share in promoting the arts…Are about to present a new chapter in a marvelous work. One you all so delighted in last season that we had to find a way to continue the story. And, thanks to the anonymous genius creator of our work, we did. I, Lord Petyr Belloq, am very proud to present this to you on the eve of our wonderful new Lord Hand, the noble Gomez Addams' departure from the capital for an inspection of key provinces of our glorious Westeros.,,Lord Addams!" clapping, with the audience as Gomez made hasty rise and bow…
"And now, with only a bit of special adieu…Thanks to a few very special guest members of our cast… 'Game…Of…Thrones…: The Next Season'!"
Music… "Sh-boom" by the Chords…
Chorus of ruined knights in armor and prostitutes in various noble, peasant, and well, prostitute costumes, on stage, some figures covered in gore, some missing various body parts…
Jamie and Tyrion, coming down main aisle to the stage, in top hats and tail coats, over Jamie's Guard armor in his case, with dress canes…
Both, dancing as they proceed to stage, with Chorus backing them:
"Bo-doo…Ba-dee-bing da, bo-doo, da-da dee ay… Bo-doo…Ba-dee-bing da, bo-doo, da-da dee ay…"
Jamie, Tyrion taking stage from the two sides, meeting in the middle, in front of the Chorus…Nodding to each other…
Tyrion, cocking top hat: "Oh, Life could be a dream
If I could take you up in paradise up above, sh-boom
If you would tell me I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream sweetheart…"
Both, turning round in unison, hands on top hats, rapping their canes on stage and catching at end in sync. :
"Hello hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again, boom..."
Tyrion, male chorus backing up on "sh-boom"s:
"Oh, life could be a dream, sh-boom
If only all my precious plans would come true, sh-boom
If you would let me spend my whole life lovin' you
Life could be a dream sweetheart, sh-boom..."
Jamie and Tyrion:
"Every time I look at you (They nod to each other, crooked frowning grins to audience...)
Something is on my mind…Da-da-da-dah…
If you do what I want you to
Baby, we'd be so fine "
(Turn and spin in unison, canes rapping on floor and caught)
(Cersei crying out joyfully and eagerly waving from audience as King Robert joins the two from his hiding spot in the back of the Chorus, likewise decked out in top hat and tails, with cane)
Jamie, Tyrion, Robert, all spinning round in unison, rapping canes on floor:
"Oh, life could be a dream, sh-boom
If I could take you up in paradise up above, sh-boom
If you'd tell me, darlin', I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream sweetheart...
Hello hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again, boom
Sh-boom
Sh-boom
Life could be a dream
Life could be a dream sweetheart
Sh-boom
Sh-boom...Ya da da da da da da da da da da aaa
Sh-boom.
Sh-boom Ya da da da da da da da da da da aaa
Sh-boom
Sh-boom Ya da da da da da da da da da da aaa
Sh-boom..."
Jamie:
"Oh, life could be a dream, sh-boom (Tyrion and Robert backing up)
If I could take you up in paradise up above, sh-boom
If you'd tell me, darlin', I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream sweetheart…"
All:
Hello hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again, boom
Sh-boom
Sh-boom Ya da da da da da da da da da da aaa
Life could be a dream
Life could be a dream, sh-boom
Sh-boom Ya da da da da da da da da da da aaa
Life could be a dream sweetheart…" big finish, bow, with canes and top hats extended…
"Yes!" Cersei rising to lead applause...
Game of Thrones theme cuts in…
…..
Street, Kings' Landing…Fleas Butt district…
After dark…Same night…
A young girl huddled in ragged shawl creeping along the poorly lit street…Spying a figure in cloak at the end of the street under a flickering candle streetlight post. She carefully approached, glancing about the street…
"Got a bit for a poor girl, sir?" she asked.
"I might…If she has something for me." The reply…
"She might…If the price be right…"
"Gods…" Arya in her "Masked Avenger" cape and mask, Icepick at the ready, emerged from a side alley. "Will you two stop with the flirting and lets hear if there's anything to hear. I'm gettin' fleas up me arse waitin' in that alleyway."
Wednesday, pulling back shawl, frowning…
Knew Lot and I shoulda done this on our lonesome…
"Sorry, Lady Arya…" Ser Lotus pulled his cloak back a bit. "But we did want to be careful. Wed? What did Fagin's kids tell you? They did buy that you came from your dad?"
"I spoke with that girl Clarice, the one with brains…She didn't really buy that I came from Father but she bought my gold. Her guys saw Sansa and Joff emerging from Middlefinger's place earlier today. I doubt they came for the early matinee show."
"So the deposed Prince and my nutbag sis are up to no good with Belloq the purv?" Arya nodded, hand on the sheathed Icepick. "Sounds like there's a need for a skewering party."
"We've no proof yet, my Lady." Ser Lotus noted calmly. "Lets not act overhasty."
"Wuss…" she frowned at him.
"My…Wuss…" Wednesday, grim stare, drawing her own sword.
"Girls…Much as I relish the notion of being fought over…Especially by two such as you…" Ser Lotus smiled. "Bigger fish to fry. We know now Joffrey may be in league with Belloq, but that's natural that he'd seek some ally. The real question is, why would Belloq bother to lift a finger in Joff's doomed cause and risk King Bob's wrath?"
"Absolutely…" Wednesday, beaming at her brilliantly deductive fiancée as she resheathed her sword, Arya likewise resheathing, reluctantly… Great with a broadsword and a mind like a Valerian steel trap, that's my guy.
"Yeah, yeah…Brilliant." Arya fumed at Wednesday's puppy-eyed look at Ser Lotus, he returning a rather clearly sincere beam. "So Belloq is the one really up to something? Wow, what a revelation…Does anyone else in Kings Landing not know the guy's a treacherous, ambitious snake?"
"But they didn't know he was actively plotting against the King…" Lotus noted, coolly.
No muscle-bound Raging Pus can take the place of …My guy…
My guy…Wednesday inwardly hummed.
"O…K…" Arya shrugged. "So, do we go to King Bob and Wed's Dad or take the sob down ourselves? I vote door #2."
"Evidence, Arya. Like Lot says. We need evidence." Wednesday noted.
"And Belloq's motive wouldn't hurt. He must have quite a stake to take such a risk." Ser Lotus noted.
"Unless he's just stringing Joff along for the hell of it. He had a perv fixation on me Mom and I'd bet it's carried over to Sansa if how he acted at the big tourney was any clue." Arya noted. "Maybe he means to turn Joff over himself? It'd set him up with King Bob…"
"That's not impossible…" Lotus, before Wednesday could insist it was a silly idea. "But he'd not meet with Joff for betraying him later without clearing it with King Robert first. Belloq's too smart to pull a move like that on his own, Robert couldn't be counted on not to suspect him even if he hands Joff over unless Robert approved his actions before hand. And Queen Cersei would be tricky unless he could convince her Joff actually threatens Bob."
"So we ask Fat Bob if he set Joff up with Middlefinger?" Arya eyed Lotus, "Then go kill one or both of them if Bob says he didn't?"
"Something like that…" Ser Lotus nodded. "But we can't have King Bob raging away after Joff if he didn't sanction something. It'd alert Belloq that we're close to uncovering him. So that means…"
"Yeah, yeah…More 'investigation'." Arya frowned.
Sounds like my well-meaning but honorably doofy dad's way…
"After all, there's still Lord Verysmuch…" Wednesday pointed out. "He's as much an intriguer as Middlefinger but we've not seen his position here beyond his 'master spider' spymaster bit. We oughta be sure he's not involved."
"Not to mention any number of other ambitious Lords…" Lotus nodded.
"Like your ex-boyfriend…?" Arya, sweetly mocking tone. "He's gone off to see that grimly depressive brother of his at Storming Out. They could be up to something, they both think they're entitled to the throne, just scared to death of King Bob."
Wednesday, angry glare…Ser Lotus patting her arm…Sweetheart…
"Rently's a good fellow but a bit weak. And I don't deny I cared for him till circumstances changed…" Ser Lotus, calmly, fond look to Wednesday's pleased one as Arya grimaced. "I don't he'd act against Bob, just position himself for any changes, but Stanislaw's a different matter. And he's got that crazy new religion backing him up. It's worth considering his role and yeah, he might press Rently into supporting something stupid. But I don't think Stanislaw would have killed Jon Arryn or moved to ally with Middlefinger. He's grim and depressive, with a terrible tendency to go all grey and black, clotheswise, but he's honest about his ambitions."
"Fine…Middlefinger…Lord Verysmuch…Rently…Stanislaw…The Airedale…Joffrey…Ser Walter Freyed…" Arya mouthed.
"What's that?" Wednesday stared.
"My list of likely people to put Icepick into." Arya explained.
"But we don't know if those people did anything yet…" Wednesday eyed her. "We're supposed to be upholding Justice."
"Ok…It's me potential hit list…" Arya shrugged. "Ser Walter and Joff and the Airedale are definite, though."