Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part LXXII…
"Your Highness…My Lady…" bow.
Joffrey glaring at the Airedale standing at his rather less exalted suite door.
To think that this is how I'm repaid for providing him with employment, savage abuse, voyeuristic kinkiness for years…
I mean, sure, he still bodyguards me…We even had to order him away from my new, less exalted door, to plot in secret…But does he kill or maim at my command now?
No.
"The law won't permit it now I'm not the heir"…Inwardly sneering…
Or was it "no more unlicensed mayhem and massacre now I'm not the heir"?
Either way, the ingratitude…
"What is it, dog?" frown… "How dare you…? Uh…" blinking at the Airedale's calm, cool stare. Sansa, rising on bed to stare as well.
He doth have the look of a man bearing royal pardon to cause "accidents" to undesirable junior royals…
"Your Father the King…And your Mother the Queen…Wish to see you, now, in the hall here."
Da-da and Ma? Come to see me?
Uh-oh…He turned to eye Sansa who eyed him.
"My Lady Stark might wish to remain…" the Airedale, heavy with the irony.
And put a few more clothes on? Your poor wretched thing…Sigh.
"Of course…" Sansa nodded, gathering fur cloak about her. "My visit to Prince Joffrey is about over anyway…"
Say what? Joffrey stared…
You're leaving me? Sansa?
On the other hand…
Get out! Before Mommie finds you in half-naked and is disappointed in me, her innocent little angel.
"Perhaps, by your leave, your Grace…" heavier irony still… "I could conduct Lady Stark out the back way…After she's dressed?"
"That's fine, thank you." Sansa nodded. "You'd best go to the King and Queen, your…Highness." Hard stare at the Airedale.
Yeah, that's right…Highness…Joffrey eyed the Airedale. What my not really but kinda girl says…
On the other hand…Leaving me? Sans? To face Mommie and Dada alone?
"I'll see you later, your Highness. Right afterwards if you like." She noted, sympathetic gaze.
Yes, yes, oh yes…! Gods, if you care you oughta force your way in even if Dad has you killed! Well…
Can't seem too easy…Or quavering with fear…
"I may choose to permit it, my Lady. If the press of royal business allows." He sniffed. The Airedale rolling eyes…
Kid, don't kick the one thing you have left…
On the other hand, sigh…The poor girl seems like she'd enjoy the kicking. Gods…
You're the daughter of Ned Stark, girl…Pull yerself together despite everongoing family trauma.
"Farewell, my Lady. Dog, see my Lady safely out to her rooms." Joffrey, grandly, with wave.
Right. "Yes, your Grace. My Lady?" the Airedale turned to her.
Wait…Does he? He likes her. That dog of mine likes my…Sorta, not definite pending Wednesday's making a sudden change of mind my way…Girl.
Well, he respects her. Yeah, that's it. He respects her…What? Crazy devotion to a psychotic?
I mean it's not like she's been bravely and quietly resisting me and my kinky sadism. Hell, she's been encouraging me. What's to respect? Whereas there's plenty to…Like. As the Airedale led the hastily dressed Sansa to the door…
"Back in a moment, your Grace, if you'd like me to announce you in the hall?"
As if anyone cared…
"Yes, hurry back, dog!"
Gods knows I don't want to go out alone…Mums and Da-da may be summoning me to my execution, if they've somehow learned of my plans.
Well, her plans…I just sort of approved and listened. Really all her doing. Really. Not me, the loyal royal brother and son.
Sans! Get out but don't leave me! Joffrey's pleading eyes on her as she followed the Airedale out.
"My Lady…" the Airedale pausing in the rear hall, eyed her.
"Don't." she shook head. "You want to encourage me to abandon Prince Joffrey. I will never. He's my beloved."
"Right…Well, I actually was thinking more in terms of you being more discreet, but that too." Shrug. "But I get you must follow your heart, my Lady."
Though, why? A question I'll put to my nephew at the Citadel one day soon if I survive till my vacation, the Airedale thought.
He being something of an expert in the field of mental illness
…
Fester and Meister Purile riding side-by-side on horse en route to the Vale…Attendants and guards following in train, along with a wagon train of equipment, armaments, and the usual royal gifts.
"Well, Ser Fester…? What is your plan for dealing with Lady Arryn and her impregnable fortress? You've surely got some wonderful brainstorm in hand?" cool smile.
"Say we're sent by the King with his authority, batter down or blow up the gates while offering rewards and pardons to all who assist us in avenging their beloved Lord Arryn's murder, seize my crazy bitch niece for trial, alive if possible, post a royal garrison to 'maintain order', go home." Fester shrugged. "And I've got ten casks of Gomez' firepowder for the blowing up and two portable rams for the battering down as needed. That's the plan. The boring investigative stuff I leave to you."
Actually, not a bad one…Purile reflected. And a rather nice if back-handed compliment.
"I shall be glad to do anything I can for the greater good of the Kingdom." He noted, portentously.
"Great…" Fester nodded. "Ya can start by letting me know who the spies are in our column. I mean Lannister's and yours, natch. So I can avoid killing them."
"My Lord Addams…" harrumph… "I must protest these aspersions…"
"I should hope you have spies, Purile." Fester eyed him. "I have some, but I haven't been in Kings' Landing long enough to get a good bunch what with Gomez, the King, Verysmuch, the pest Middlefinger, Cersei, and a slew of lesser characters all running their own networks. Nothing left but the spy dregs."
"Indeed…" Purile sighed. "To be honest, there are few choice operatives to be found. I fear we may be facing a spy gap with some of the Essosian powers."
"All the better to avoid killing any good ones, just let me have a list of whom not to kill…"
"Very well, my Lord. And yet I must insist that those serving me are loyal…"
"To the Lannisters…Come on, Purile." Fester eyed him. "We're the old dogs stuck with the dirty job here, lets not make things worse by fightin' with each other. You're a Lannister guy, I get that…I'm an Addams guy…Doesn't mean we can't serve the King too, so long as it serves our teams. And if we succeed in taking the Vale, not too bad a feather in our aging caps, ya know."
"We were supposed to conduct an investigation…" Purile noted. "On the official order of the Acting Hand…"
"And we will, a fair and impartial one…After we crush Ophelia and anyone fool enough to support that crazy niece of mine. Assuming Lady Arryn refuses to permit us access…" innocent look.
"And we'll see she doesn't?" Purile eyed him. "Which is the true order…" hard stare.
"If she doesn't…Acting Hand's and the King's secret order, yeah. Time Westeros took a proactive step against the Menace, after all. And if it happens to be us two oldsters who pull off the first big success…?" Fester, shrewd look to Purile.
"Not bad, Ser Fester…Not too bad." Shrewd return nod. "And Jon Arryn, dunderheaded as he was at times, was a friend to us both. It would do my heart good to see his murderer or murderess splattered on the walls of the Vale or flying out the Moon Door. No offense to your family intended should it be you know who…"
"Please…None taken… Of course, securing the Vale may bring the Menace out after us in force…" smile.
"Giving us center stage in the action…Nice…" Purile bowed slightly.
"And, of course…" slight sigh by Fester… "Securing the Vale means securing it…" firm look.
"As in 'alas poor Robin…Fly, boy, fly'?" smile from Purile.
"We'll hope the degenerate little putz accepts a pension like the last Valyrian emperor Augustulus Valyrius." Shrug, slight wince and groan.
"You ought to try a pillow over the saddle…Does wonders for preventing the piles." Purile noted.
…