"Kai," pleading, that's what I was doing as my fingers were laced through his hair and our eyes were locked on one another's.
His hands were where they always seemed to fall when I straddled his lap - on my upper thighs, holding me so lightly that you'd think I was fragile - and the rest of him looked nearly as kiss drunk as I felt. Nearly, but he was still standing firm on one huge fucking thing and I felt like a pervert for pressing for more, but -
"We can't," his Adam's apple bobbed when I squirmed a little to get more comfortable for what I knew would be a long torturing conversation that would end with both of us feeling less than satisfied. "Could you sit still?" It came out rough, but I knew it wasn't because he was angry with me. No, it was because of his irrational need to keep layers of fabric between the obvious proof of how badly he wanted what I was more than ready to give him and even a tiny rock of my hips was enough to shred his patience with my shit.
Smirking into his storm colored eyes, which were growing darker by the second, I took a chance and rolled my hips a little more as I pressed my body down into his lap. His grip on my thighs tightened slightly and this tiny noise that sounded suspiciously like a moan escaped from his lips, and my pulse kicked up as if I'd taken a few laps during gym.
"I don't think -" but my lips ghosted across his and stopped him in his tracks.
"Don't think," the ragged breath he took as the warmth of my words mixed with the air that escaped his mouth. "For once, stop thinking -"
I woke up breathing harder than a marathon would have made me pant. My body was tingling and a charge seemed to rush through me at the dream that still held me in its grasp. I could swear that I could still feel Kai's hands on my thighs, feel his hard length under me as I rocked against him, and his mouth - my fingers slid over my own lips that I thought were as swollen as they'd been after every stolen moment we'd ever had.
And the pain came flashing through me at the reminder that he wasn't here - not in Portland, not in the Parker house, not even in the little shed that we had our last -
Call me stupid, but as soon as I could manage to take a walk longer than to the mailbox without feeling like falling over or dying, I'd gone to where it had stood. It was gone, not completely, but enough to make me realize that the glass breaking, wood splintering, and the other noises of destruction that had barely made a dent while I was coming undone with Kai were proof that my magic was just as terrible as his could be.
Not that I should have needed the proof - tires blown out, bulbs breaking, and every other thing I'd ruined just by losing the slightest bit of control - the list was longer than Kai's. And while I hadn't killed anyone, that didn't mean I wouldn't - accidentally perhaps or collateral damage, but the evidence was pretty damn obvious that it could happen so easily.
Yet, here I was, free as a bird while Kai - the windows rattled in their frames and I took a deep breath. Every single time I thought about him, about where he might be now, shit started threatening to break.
I had to convince Joshua to speak to me, to get him to see reason - if he wouldn't let Kai out, then he had to put me in.