The "getting to know you" experiment was going in some unforeseeable directions. If he was being honest, Heisenberg did not know how to handle Ethan Winters beyond a one-night stand. And yet it felt as if Ethan wanted to handle him, all of him. All his inner demons and whatnot.
He wanted them to meet in the middle like there was nothing wrong with either of them. But then again he had the disposition of a well-adjusted adult with a kid to take care of. Not that it would give Heisenberg a reason to treat him as lesser. But it unwillingly unlocked repressed memories and buried feelings.
Feelings of inadequacy.
Ethan seemed like a guy down on his luck and just barely trucking through life yet brimming with fight and determination. He got spirit and Heisenberg liked his conquests like that. But as he woke up in the middle of the night, he sat with the feeling that he might have misjudged Ethan. And do doubt his own feelings regarding that kid.
Heisenberg didn't have a problem with children, but he did have an issue with the feelings Rose was beginning to stir in him. Either he didn't know what those were, or he did but he didn't want to name them. Regardless the difficulty of gathering and naming his thoughts was proof of this. So was its ability to interrupt his sleep.
Heisenberg's head hurt the second he fluttered his eyes open. The house was quiet as it used to be, sans his own heart beating behind his chest, fast and steady. When his eyes closed again, his mind was flooded with memories of aching nature. A wasted childhood.
Aw shit, he couldn't sleep.
Gingerly, Heisenberg slipped out of bed, getting dressed before descending the staircase like a shadow. There was a faint snore and heavy breathing from the couch where Ethan had accidentally fallen asleep hours earlier. Heisenberg tried not to focus on him while he moved out of the house, remembering to lock the door like the well-adjusted adult, he portrayed himself as.
Outside, the weather was gentle despite the bitter cold. Heisenberg had to restrict his walk to the close premises that had already been plowed by the snowplow, he built a few winters ago. Normally when Heisenberg needed to clear the cache of junk that his thoughts could be at their worst, he'd isolate himself in the factory and just fiddle with whatever he could to create all kinds of mechanic amalgamations.
It was his way of calming down because honestly, it could be quite frighting how thoughts and the mind would process and ponder over things endlessly.
But Heisenberg wasn't aiming for the factory tonight. Instead, he just dragged himself across the snowy wilderness, past Ethan's parked car until he aimlessly ended in the middle of the driveway.
The light from the factory painted, long, abstract shadows across the snow, that faded into the surrounding darkness where the glare didn't quite reach. Isolation was what the scenery told Heisenberg. He liked it this way; on his own and left to his own devices without Alcina or Donna or Salvatore breathing down his neck.
Speaking of Salvatore, why had that foul-smelling, sycophantic whipping boy dropped by today of all days? Heisenberg had already foreseen he'd come sometime because of the crow going unanswered. Not just today of all days.
Suppose the old bitch Miranda was getting paranoid. Not that she had any reason to; for whatever reason, Heisenberg was a slave to some evil curse compelling him to dance whenever she wanted him to dance. He'd come to her yearly events and pretend to be a good son. He didn't want to but part of him felt like he had to.
Fuck calling her mother, however. Fuck her in general.
Heisenberg's bitterness was usually contained in his day-to-day life. But seeing Ethan so loving and tender with Rose just sowed the seeds of something severely missing. Perhaps this was what loneliness felt like. Aware of the ability to love without a target for said love. Pathetic that it just brought a whole host of personal issues to ruin his night with nobody for him to lean on.
If Ethan was wise, he'd keep their relationship to soulless hookups and not bring his daughter around more than absolutely necessary. They could meet up, have sex, and pretend the other didn't exist until it was time to start the cycle all over again.
To be alone felt as great as it felt crushing.
Heisenberg thought of the ways, he could talk about this to Ethan as he made his way back to the house, stubbing the bud of his cigar. He passed the couch like a ghost for the sake of the man sleeping there and ascended the staircase. Faint noises from the guestroom caught his attention and he headed there against his better judgment, but Ethan probably wouldn't be able to forgive him if he let Rose alone while she screamed like a banshee.
Heisenberg wasn't good with kids, and he didn't bother them either. He could easily lose his patience and children required a whole well of that. Yet here he was, getting involved with a man who just happened to have a baby daughter. In the stroller's cradle, the baby lay, cooing and whining like they tended to do.
"Why do some people get dealt a shitty hand while others don't? You can't answer that, I know. You're one lucky brat," Heisenberg said as he bent down to lift the child into his arms and rock her because that had proven so effective earlier.
He remembered whispers from some of the villagers about how they felt blessed by a higher power when they held a baby. Heisenberg wasn't feeling it, not even when he stared directly into Rose's wide, pale eyes. All he felt was emptiness. She wasn't whining anymore at least, and she accepted the pacifier when he put it in her gob. She made a few faint noises as she closed her eyes and he put her back into the cradle. Lucky brat, indeed.
The sound of floorboards gently creaking under human body weight caused Heisenberg to turn around and look at the doorway, looking directly at Ethan now wide awake but drowsy. The relief was evident in his eyes at Heisenberg gesturing at him to be quiet as he gingerly exited the guest room and left the door slightly agape.
"I didn't want to listen to her crying half the night," Heisenberg explained once he felt it safe to speak again.
He wasn't sure of how to feel about the look of adoration he received. He noticed it before, but Ethan had something that resembled the same wide-eyed stare that Rose possessed. But it had been marred by something darker, like bad experiences and uneasy memories. Connected to his two missing fingers surely.
"That's fair. Thanks," Ethan grinned, blinking rapidly. He simply watched while Heisenberg dragged himself to the bedroom and cautiously followed behind afterward.
A bed was better than a couch after all but why was he standing in the doorway like a dog waiting for permission? He had the demeanor of someone wanting to say something, but hesitation over something kept his mouth shut. When Heisenberg waved him over, he flushed but didn't close the door, sitting on the edge of the bed. It was the middle of the night, but the look of utmost admiration was still there. It was tempting to just erase it with the escape of carnal pleasures.
Ethan was receptive but a suspicion suggested that he was the type of man who couldn't settle with just having mindless sex instead of talking about issues. Heisenberg tried anyway.
"I can't sleep," he admitted freely. "Wanna tire me out?"
Something concerned flashes in Ethan's eyes but soon he caught on to the implications and his cheeks burned redder than ever before. Sure, he may have no sense of stranger danger but he wasn't stupid at least. Maybe he even picked up on the aversion to human emotions. Maybe it was because the desire on Heisenberg's face was unmistakable; dark with interest, intense with a hidden need to disassociate, tracking Ethan like a coyote would a jackrabbit.
It wasn't the "getting to know you" part trying to make a move.
Either way, Ethan accepted this and stood up, taking a spot right in front of Heisenberg, whose fingers slowly found the way to the edges of his clothes. They could turn on the light, but Heisenberg wanted to hide in the darkness and not let his feelings properly show. It was a collaborative effort to strip Ethan down to nothing but his boxers and the cold got to him quickly, so he crawled under the covers. Heisenberg followed suit afterward, keeping a shirt on for he was still a little chilly.
Under the blankets, Ethan straddled him pretty quickly, covering them both with the sheets and putting his thin hands over his chest. He was tired so it was a slow, tender affair. Heisenberg didn't mind this, even if he was usually the dominant partner with his other trysts. He wanted to pass his hands over Ethan's bare legs, but the man had the bright idea of shifting about until he could press his face against Heisenberg's chest.
It lasted for three seconds before he moved again, almost as if he blacked out for a moment. Just to stir him awake, Heisenberg ran a hand through his hair, resting against the back of his skull before he moved. Ethan took a few deep breaths, sliding his hands to the rim of Heisenberg's pants and caressing his clothed thighs.
"Taking your sweet ass time, aren't you?" Heisenberg mused, familiarizing himself with the texture of Ethan's hair. He bucked his hips a bit, smiling at the off-note grunt he got in return. The message was clear; Ethan pulled the pants down and wrapped his fingers around the flaccid length of Heisenberg.
"Sorry," he chuckled lethargically.
He slid his fingers across the shaft, fast and measured, contrasting his earlier exhaustion. The effect was like a strike of lighting, spilling warmth over Heisenberg. He closed his eyes, letting that much-welcomed feeling of dissociation claim his body. It was like a thick haze, not diluted by alcohol for once. Now free, his mind wandered, tantalized for that sweet release.
He let his fingers explore the shells of Ethan's ears and how long his hair actually was despite being swept back most of the time. It marked the first time, Heisenberg had actually felt the person about to blow him aside from what their lips felt around his dick and it made him wonder if possession was slightly beginning to seep in.
His questions about those lips were soon answered anyway.
Ethan was cautious in the way he gave head, gingerly tucking his teeth away even if he couldn't help letting one of his canines touch some skin. He was experienced but still green, indicated by his unhurried, explorative lapping of the head and the shaft, like he was cataloging every taste and texture, working at a slow pace before he finally suckled the head into his mouth.
Finally, Heisenberg thought in a haze, settling in for the ride, listening to the wet sounds that filled the room. He let Ethan work at his own pace, feeling a wet tongue massage the underside of his dick with testing wonderment. The rise built at a mind-numbingly slow speed even if urgency tried to seep in.
Heisenberg bit into his knuckles with a quiet groan to keep himself steady and beat the urge to control the pace. In the meantime, Ethan got him most of the way into his mouth and circled his hand around what could not be fit.
Heisenberg wasn't much of a dirty talker; he liked sex to be a quiet affair. He could talk before and after the act. Besides, as he was now, he was reduced to guttural, low groans. So he gave up the thought of offering encouraging phrases and sank his fingers into the roots of Ethan's hair, through fading gel, and scratched against his scalp lightly.
That would have to do as encouragement and Ethan accepted it readily, judging from the sound resonating in his throat. He bopped his head up and down, hands working in tandem. It was great that Heisenberg didn't have to guide him through it or even direct him. He just lay there and took it, difficult as that was, toes curling, legs flexing and quivering against the sheets.
Ethan was increasingly emboldened by the subtle grunts, his mouth becoming busier afterward, trying different angles, testing what parts of his mouth were best equipped to suck dick, recapturing that alleged college sex experience. He hummed with self-assured courage at the subtle cuss from Heisenberg, speeding up just a notch. That familiar bubble of heat struggled to get contained as evident by a sharp hiss that came from Heisenberg at how slick and hot the inside of Ethan's cheek was.
Just a little longer. Just a little more.
Ethan slowly eased Heisenberg out of his mouth to pull his pants down further until he could comfortably lick and suck on the man's balls. Didn't stop him from curling his hands around Heisenberg's cock and stroking it with a delightfully firm grip. Ethan had deceptively nimble fingers and it was a wonder if he was even aware of it.
As if sensing the ensuing climax, he lifted himself off the bed and descended upon the dick again, sucking and teasing the head again shamelessly with sloppily, wet sounds filling the quiet air. It took a few swipes of his tongue before Heisenberg felt the orgasm swell up and surge inside of him like an incoming shockwave through his stomach, disconnecting him from everything wrong in his life. Moments later, he seized in a flash, still under the spell of Ethan's mouth that took every drop of semen.
For a while, they remained still while Heisenberg gasped for air, his chest heaving comfortably with the effort. His hazy mind cleared, and he sat up when Ethan rolled away, humming ponderously over the texture and taste of the load in his mouth. For a second, Heisenberg wished he was in a better mood so he could turn on the light and watch the man's expression. Instead, he let the silence stretch for about a minute, comfortable in the afterglow.
Then Ethan asked, breaking the silence in a drowsy utterance. "Think you can sleep now?"
Curious, yet gentle. It shouldn't feel welcoming, but it did. And the feeling didn't provide an answer to the question. Still, Heisenberg pretended that it did for it was frankly far too late to be discussing feelings. "I think so."
"Thank god," Ethan breathed out and collapsed onto the sheets, fast asleep moments later.
The next morning, Heisenberg was already up and running at daybreak. Though the "day" part was more figurative as it was still black as tar outside. The lights of the factory had shut off an hour or so earlier before he made it downstairs. Despite all the things laying in the common room, an envelope on the windowsill was the first thing he noticed.
He left it there the night before and he hadn't thought of opening it before now. It had been sealed with the insignia belonging to the reigning religion in the area; the Church of the Black God. Miranda was so ridiculous at times. She had one of those old dial phones so she could just give a call instead of sending birds with letters. She disliked the world outside the village – until they came to the village to part with their money or convert. A woman of absolutely absurd values.
Groaning, Heisenberg tore the envelope open, and as he expected, therein was a letter – an invitation to a yearly ritual – proceeded by a quick meetup for prosperity or whatever Miranda's excuse was this year.
It was always the same old song and dance.
Brought on by the reminder that everyone but her precious Eva was just tagalongs. It was a wonder why Miranda even bothered with them. And why Heisenberg felt compelled to follow suit. Even now, he mentally geared himself to go.
Floorboards creaked from above followed by the cooing of a baby, opening, and closing doors, and hushed voices speaking. Heisenberg shoved his inner woes down the jar of shit that was supposed to be his feelings, just in time for Ethan to step down the staircase with the cradle in his hand.
"Thanks for letting me stay over," he sounded moderately more rested than last night.
"It was less letting and me wanting. I might want it again…" Heisenberg answered, freezing a little at the warmth and worry in Ethan's eyes.
"But?"
Without Rose? Could one even utter those words to her father?
"Have the courtesy to warn me when you bring your kid along," Heisenberg said instead with a practiced smirk as he put the letter down its envelope. They were strangers enough to obfuscate the subtleties of human emotions.
"Warn?" Ethan didn't notice the object, more perplexed at the implication than outright physically curious. His lips edged upwards to a smile.
"I will. I promise."
It was an oath best not taken for granted.