Rock didn't take note of the time that passed before he decided to reconnect with the people in his life again but he assumed it had been two weeks of radio silence on his end. Two weeks before he returned to a semblance of the life he once knew, working at the auto shop, coming home, and occasionally keeping to himself until Ryuji returned home. Eventually helping Terry find a place to live so he would stop sleeping on Joe's couch or in the tower, as told by Ryuji - as told by Billy.
The days got warmer, and Rock got less, slightly less fucked up. He healed just enough to the point where he could have a conversation about what had happened and what was known. There was no point in moping around because of his shame being put on display. People didn't treat him any differently – even if there was an underlying sense of uncertainty that slowly sucked the air out of everything around him. It sucked that people weren't sure how to go about his traumas.
So Rock would throw them a bone, keeping a mental bucket list of people he needed to talk to today. Since it was his day off, he could get away with starting early, leaving the abode to step into the courtyard. It was the first time, he could stand here without feeling like a malignant presence.
The gates stood open as Kim's students began to pour in, paying no mind to the young man walking a huge arch around them so he could access his motorbike and roll it across the ground to the bench and its adjacent tree. Following the students was Terry but he split away from them when he noticed Rock standing under the tree's shade, waving with a smile before he crossed the ground.
Once they stood face to face, Rock found himself without any idea of what to say, glancing at Terry who looked merry but thoughtful, a little antsy.
"Good to see you, rookie. How's it going?" He smiled, a tad strained.
"Yeah, good, I think," Rock dropped his head a little and smirked. "It's pretty good for once."
A laugh came from Terry then. "Nice to hear."
Nicer than the round of silence that followed soon after. One that left Rock a little embarrassed and hesitant. He had to think long and hard before he spoke again, taking a seat on the bench while Terry followed suit, taking off his cap. Well, a new one actually. It was still red but the pattern on the front was different and the hat itself looked very new.
"You okay?" he asked, direct but not malicious. Still a little antsy. "You know, after everything. Including Geese."
Rock flinched and for a second, he considered retreating. He swallowed hard and tried to collect himself. This had to be done, fuck it. "I don't know. I'm still processing it. Trying to accept that Kain and Grant are dead and I don't have to be afraid of them anymore. Finding out where that man fits into all of it. Relaxing with the knowledge that Ryu-Yamazaki has gone legit. No more new pain."
"But the old pain still lingers," Terry sighed, an unhappy smile perking at the corner of his mouth. "Is it…does it make you…uhm…"
Rock's stomach lurched and he exhaled the inflammatory reflexes away. 'Stay calm, breathe in, breathe out' he reminded himself. Terry had been so goddamn terrified when he found Rock in the bathroom with the mirror shard and blood all over the place. He had every right to be horrified.
When Rock had steadied himself, he tried to answer. "I don't cut anymore. Most of the time, I just think."
On his worst days, he would get the urge. A little evil voice in the back of his mind that tempted him to throw caution to the wind and get rid of the hurt. Sometimes that old pain would be powerful when he remembered all that had happened and he hated everything about himself and the world. Then he would think about the disturbing rush of his flesh stinging and the hypnotic peace he felt at seeing his own blood bead on top of his skin. It was his punishment for failing. It was his heroin when he couldn't stand his own mind. It was his out when he didn't want to feel. It was his weapon of destruction.
What better way to destroy than destroy yourself?
But they were only urges. And he was better than that. It didn't have to be like this anymore. It'd hurt but he had people to follow him through it. Maybe.
The answer made Terry sigh in relief. "That's good. That's great. I'm glad you're happier. You deserve that."
"I guess," Rock shrugged, and looked away, unable to look him in the eye. "I don't want to feel bad anymore but sometimes I feel bad by feeling good and I worry about what's out there and the changes they'll cause."
"Rock," Terry began, momentarily calm and direct with something in his tone growing stronger. "It doesn't define you. It doesn't change anything. You're a strong kid and you will grow above it. I can't fix much because I'm fucking pathetic, but I'll make it up to you. I'm on your side, always."
"You're not pathetic," the younger man retorted. "You don't have to make it up to me. I get why you did what you did."
"It was stupid of me. But…I'm happy you tried so hard for me. You're a good sort," Terry admitted quietly, followed by another round of silence. Noises nearby broke the monotony. As did the sudden entrance of Kim by the dojang, eyes stretched wide at the scene he was witnessing.
"Good to have you two make up," he exclaimed, closing the distance between him and the duo. "The kids miss you coming over for dinner. Says it doesn't feel right without you or Yamazaki – surprisingly."
"Sorry, I just isolated myself. It's…I'm decompressing," Rock shrugged.
Kim nodded, a small smile stretching across his lips. "As long as you're doing okay, it's all that matters. There's only one way to go from here and that's up."
"Thank you, Kim," Rock was pretty sure he could say that with confidence, feeling tiny vestiges of belief in his chest.
"And Yamazaki?" Terry asked, for once, not in suspicion. Still, the question made Rock jitter. He stuck his hands down his lap, trying not to think of the Yamazaki-Bogard-Howard shouting match and the heartbreak that came from it. No, it was silly to feel like he was about to freak out. It was just a simple question.
"He's alright. I think he likes being a civilian though it takes some getting used to," Rock shrugged, thinking of Ryuji currently sleeping in for the day. He had offered to join in this experiment, but Rock determined it was best to do it on his own and stop trying to rely on his…well, his boyfriend so much.
"That's good to hear!" Kim exclaimed. "I might convince Myeng Swuk to make a grand feast for us all one day so I can get the full story! And tell Yamazaki to only use the knives we provide."
They all laughed a little at that and Rock felt just a bit better. He could do this. It'd be okay.
"You might be in for a tale when they get back," Terry put the cap back on his head with a sly smirk across his lips that only stretched wider at the curious look Kim sent him.
"T-Terry, please…" Rock weakly pleaded, a blush spreading over his face before he buried it in his hands while the two men continued their conversation like nothing was amiss.
It started with Terry just throwing it out there like he was discussing the weather. "Well, Rock sent me a text, asking for keys so he could rent this place by a lake, but I had to ask Richard first so before I could do that, I asked why, and Rock told me he's gonna go there this weekend with Yamazaki."
Kim mused ponderously. "Like a romantic getaway, huh?"
"Oh my fucking god," Rock groaned through the filter of his hands, wishing the earth could split in two and swallow him. "Stop yourselves, you gossiping hens!"
It only caused them to laugh harder to the point where Rock couldn't help himself, laughing right alongside them. He'd be okay.
Going to visit Mom's grave was a nice reprieve that Rock had neglected due to the shame of being outed as a victim. He didn't know how to comfortably stand in front of her in light of everything that had happened – of how her memory had been perverted and used as a tool for abuse. Of how she wanted to believe the best of her brother, never knowing what type of man he could be. Rock dared not to think how her heart would break if she was privy to everything. He didn't want to think of her crying in the afterlife. Ugh.
As usual, he parked at the small church and skipped across the road to the flower shop for a bouquet. Not hydrangeas; gardenias. Just as a change. There was a singular black vehicle also present when Rock returned but he thought little of it, entering the graveyard with his flowers.
At the top of the hills stood Geese in front of Mom's grave. Somehow, by some twist of fate, they often ended up meeting here. Was this Mom's doing? An attempt to bring her family together? Rock didn't ponder much on the answer, leaving the flowers on the grave with a brief kick of adrenaline that turned into faint shock when Geese looked at him.
"I'm glad to see you're doing better," he said bluntly. There was a surprising amount of emotion creeping into his voice – although he was still a bit standoffish. "A testament to your qualities."
Rock's breath hitched. His base instinct was to hate this exchange, but he had already slowly come to terms with his lack of vitriol and the lack of hurting that it'd bring. Most embarrassing, he stood with no idea of what the proper thing would be to say so he simply murmured a meek; "Thanks."
Pleased with that answer, Geese absorbed that, then folded his arms over his chest. He looked so insufferable like that. He asked, direct and simple; "So, how is he? Or rather the both of them."
It was quite clear who he meant, and it didn't feel entirely sincere that he had asked that but suppose it was just his off-putting way of learning more about the relative, he used to neglect. Almost, Rock considered not answering because what fucking business was this of Geese's. But then again, the old man had done quite a lot lately by the power of parental responsibility as any father should. Even if there still was a long way to go before he'd earn that title.
"They're good," Rock answered in general. "Adjusting and settling into the new normal. Getting used to each other."
Of course, Geese watched him, blatant interest in his face. "I never got to ask what Yamazaki is to you."
Rock shouldn't be surprised by the question. He had gotten it so often over the course of time after all. It still felt a bit like a punch to the stomach. But it occurred to him that Geese probably had no idea, or he thought Ryuji was a substitute for Terry or maybe he did know but he'd like to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. So fuck it, no point in lying or hiding it anyway.
"I like him a lot. K-kinda like how you like Mai. She changed by being with you, right? Yeah, it's the same with Ry-Yamazaki. He knew all my fucked-up shit and did what he could to pull me out of it. He's happy with me as I am because he understands it. He wants me to be okay. I like to spend the time with him without worrying about death. He's great," Rock answered as he felt a blush creep over his face. "It doesn't look like it but he's fun and he's honest and he's sweet but he's not perfect, and he doesn't need to be."
Geese stared at him with a leveled expression on his face. "Mm-hm. I'm assuming you're talking about the sane side of him. I thought it might be something like that."
"I saw the other side too. I know what he is. I know what he's capable of. I've seen it more times than you'd imagine. I still care about him."
"I don't doubt it and far be it from me to take that away from you. But I hope you understand who you're dealing with," Geese huffed because of course he did.
Rock sighed and pressed a hand to his face. "Yeah well, you're not the first person to say so but it should be evidence in itself that he stopped doing dirty work for people like you."
A laugh, hollow and a bit arrogant came from Geese as he began to walk down the hill. "Fair enough. I deserved that one. Point taken. I guess you did some true magic if you managed to tame such a bloodthirsty viper. Mai may not be as accepting but you have our blessings."
"Uh-huh. Thanks?" Rock nodded, a little on edge, thankfully reticent with another sharp comment he thought to fire off about how Geese could take his blessings and shove them up his ass because it meant the absolute square root of jack shit.
But they made it out of the graveyard where the doors to the black car's backseats stood open and Mai sat with her leg extended out of the vehicle. She had gotten a little plump which wasn't much of a surprise. She perked her head up and smiled brightly, gently rising to her feet. "Ah, it's so nice to see you two together."
Rock shot her an appalled stare. "Please don't be sappy about it. It's just tolerance."
"Oh geez another one," Mai sighed and breathed out sharply. "Rock, I know you're not a wiseguy but you don't have to be so emotionally stunted like one."
"I have reason to."
"As does Yamazaki?" Geese asked, with a little bit of sardonicism.
This stunned Mai but she kept quiet for a moment until she spoke bluntly. "He might be the worst of them. Or maybe not when he's so hung up on a certain someone."
"Yeah well, it's not that complicated," Rock retorted, sticking his hands down his pockets. Complicated no more.
Mai huffed. "Well as long as he learns how to behave himself and watch his mouth once Eri is born."
Eri.
Rock stared at her, completely astonished. Stunned silent by the sudden reminder, the feeling of being an interloper. Not loved. Before he was aware of it, he opened his mouth, feeling the ache to crawl into a safe corner of the universe where he belonged. "…Well, he makes me feel better, crass language included. He makes me feel like a normal person with a place to belong to. I feel safe. I feel loved."
Mai looked at Geese and Geese looked at Mai for a few dragging moments until she finally spoke, gentle and steady. "…You have many people who love you actually. No matter what. You have, if you want to, us. Eri too. I think she'd be thrilled at having a big brother."
Rock, before he could figure out if he should or not, absorbed every word, going very quiet and blank before taking a moment to calm the fuck down because he was seconds away from getting flooded with too many emotions. Instincts compelled him to be frustrated and refusing but maybe Mai was right, in light of all that had happened. They were all crooks anyway, but it wasn't so black and white after all, was it?
"Okay," he breathed out as steadily as he could manage, averting his gaze at the feelings that persisted with knocking down the door to his heart. "I guess it's not…too much of a bad idea. Just don't…"
Just don't what? Turn her into Geese?
"Don't tarnish her happiness. She deserves a good life and good parents. And a nice family and safety," Rock uttered instead, gaining just about enough courage to lift his head.
"We solemnly promise, she'll grow up with nothing but love and joy," Mai swore and Rock noted the truth laced in every word. Okay, it was okay. It was going to be okay. The humanity on Geese's face wasn't entirely okay but that was only because it looked so weird on him.
He didn't move however while Mai walked closer to Rock and put her arms around his shoulder, pulling him into a firm hug. Something soothing settled over Rock, added with the knowledge that this woman was effectively his stepmother. A mother. She wasn't that much older than him, but she still was a maternal figure in his life – if he wanted to. By that same metric, it would mean calling Geese Father – if Rock wanted to. But he was not at that point – yet. Not even when Geese walked over and raised his hand for a shake with something that wasn't quite a smile on his face.
"I'm sorry – about your mother," he said. Rock couldn't help but stare at his face for a moment, absorbing the apology, and reluctantly accepted the gesture.
Not a father – yet. But maybe one day.
As things were now, Rock had somehow been the anchor that kept three mortal enemies from killing each other. It was a wild power to have, one to use wisely. Maybe not one to use at all so long as the people in his life kept their heads above water. As long as they were okay, he'd be okay.
Ryuji was awake when Rock made it back to the abode, sitting on the beanbag with a pair of duffel bags around him. He lifted his head just slightly, fiddling with a pocketknife in his hands, very obviously relieved at the calm person, he was staring at.
"So, how'd it go?" he asked as he stood up. He looked like he'd been awake for a while but didn't do much besides basic grooming. Tended to happen on his days off.
"Pretty well," Rock answered as he skipped to the fridge for food and put them in a portable cooler. "I think I can live a little without the shame now. Mai and Geese really want me to be part of their kid's life."
There wasn't much of a verbal answer from Ryuji. He just slinked up behind Rock and stood there, keeping their bodies pressed together to a point where the younger man felt his breath hitch. He tried to concentrate on filling the container, biting his lip at the hands sliding over his waist, then up his back and tracing the curve of his spine.
"Does this mean I get to be the cool badass uncle? Can I teach the semen sprout knife skills?" Ryuji snickered with playful malice that pushed a weird sound out of Rock. He sucked in a deep breath, leaned against the kitchen counter while he finished the last items before he turned around, still trapped, a little cheeky.
"Do that and I won't be able to protect you when Mai burns the city down to get her hands on you," he said and smirked at the scoff he got in return.
They parted to finish up the last preparations before taking the duffel bags and portable coolers outside. The car that stood ready for a ride by the Kim residence garage was not stolen. Some of Kain's money had been used for it with free service at Crawley's auto shop and it was such a weird feeling to be riding in a vehicle that hadn't been stolen.
Said strange things that it was something Rock had to get used to.
As was the lack of bloody jobs in the future. A regular life awaited them, starting with little changes here and there. Like a wunderbaum smelling of peaches and apples hanging from the rear-view mirror. Junk in the glovebox. More junk in the pockets of the doors.
A sigh came from Ryuji several miles out of South Town. "Fuckin' fishing. I need my brain examined."
"I promise you it'll be fun," Rock smiled a bit, his optimism dipping at the dark clouds that circled the sky as they continued down the highway. "If the weather allows it."
"Here's to hoping they won't," the older man looked genuinely unimpressed. It was a wonder that he even agreed to go on the trip but suppose he too saw worth in going out of town for a weekend. "At least it ain't camping."
"That'll be the next trip," Rock quipped casually, smirking at the groan he received in return. All there was for the rest of the ride was to drive away from it all. Memories, past pains, lingering feelings. The further they got away from South Town, the more Rock was able to disconnect from everything.
Maybe Ryuji felt something similar too – despite not even being from South Town himself. They never talked about it at length, but he'd insinuate that he didn't actually have a place to call home. The places he'd sleep at were constantly changing; just another convenient pit stop before he'd move on to a new base. Rinse and repeat. Suppose that was why he took to the abode as he did. Funny for a cosmopolitan gangster.
Ex-gangster. Thinking of him like that, spread a secure sense of warmth over Rock, that only grew stronger as he settled into the truth of it all.
Eventually, they reached their destination; a cabin in the woods. Surrounded by stretching rows of thick trees, slowly regaining their colors and within walking distance of a massive lake. It had been a place, Terry occasionally took a girlfriend of his to. Rock had been there once or twice and found he liked it. The car rolled to a stop and Rock hopped out with the bags and the portable cooler, walking to the front door and unlocking it. The scent of wood and fading cleaning agents filled him with a sense of rustic infatuation. He liked the city more but being out there was room for a reprieve from the world. Out there, where time felt stagnant.
He dropped the bags by the entryway, just as Ryuji came slithering up behind him and seized them so no one would trip over them. Just then, rain began to patter on the ground outside, sparing the covered porch at least.
"Shit, feels like I got fuckin' dropkicked into a twilight zone of the middle ages and modern times," Ryuji groaned, dropping the bags by the staircase to the left where the beds were. He looked around with bit of a detached expression on his face, which was funny considering what the safehouse used to be. No, this cabin was an upgrade from that fartbox. Rock went to take the cooler and touched Ryuju's face gently.
They stood for a second before the older man wrapped his arm around Rock and pulled him into a kiss, sending waves of want rippling through him. He couldn't help the weak moan that escaped him as lips trailed his jaw and the side of his neck, skin itching to feel teeth scrape against flesh. He swallowed hard, wriggled his way to freedom, then tried to shuffle to the fridge with the cooling box to store the food.
They'd need to make the bed, then cover them with sheets. There was no point in denying that he was in the mood, so he quickly filled the fridge before honing in on the bags and carrying them upstairs. The bedroom, if one could call it that wasn't so much a room as it was an open space with a bed in front of a wide window and bits of other furniture. The sight of the mattress caused warmth to pool in Rock's gut but he had since learned that he didn't need a bed to get his body ravaged. He dropped the bags by the foot of the bed and went about dressing them for tonight. Sheets on the mattress, blankets, and pillows on top alongside two comforters.
"Say, wolfy. Should I fuck you until you break? Until you beg me to stop?" it suddenly came from Ryuji, hushed but intense and Rock swallowed hard, his cheeks flushing as he nodded, everything within him slowly darkening with lust.
"P-please," he uttered, his mind sinking into a familiar, floaty haze at a rapid speed as Ryuji moved close behind him, running fingers across the curve of his spine and finally nibbling at his neck. He got spun around and didn't hesitate to pull his clothes off and climb onto the bed.
This one happened to have a headboard perfect for restraints.
From the foot of the bed, bathed in the gray glow from the dour weather outside, Ryuji watched intently, a smirk resting on his face. He walked the length of the bed and reached down to card his fingers through Rock's hair, humming thoughtfully at how the younger man leaned into the touches, almost caught up in them. Melted in them when he was lifted upright and curled into a ball of himself. Mewling at feather-light bites against his shoulder.
"Looks like it's gonna rain a lot," Ryuji murmured while he pulled his clothes off. "Plenty of time to make you scream. No one can hear you out there."
"Do your worst," Rock grinned, fully prepared for submission. There was always something about being completely helpless that made him feel paradoxically safe and treasured. Paradoxically loving the way, Ryuji peppered touches of pain across his skin; scratches, faint pinches, and gentle bites that managed to pull a low sound out of Rock before he got pinned down on the mattress and laughed a bit.
"Dangerous fuckin' taunt, punk," Ryuji growled, leaning down to kiss the younger man with just enough pressure to make his head reel.
Ryuji shifted off the bed and reached for one of the duffel bags, rummaging through its contents and pulling out a bundle of cotton rope alongside a piece of cloth with a dark gleam in his eyes. He didn't move until Rock nodded and closed his eyes, letting his wrists be tied to the headboard of the bed, and the cloth tied around his head until he lay in nothing but utter and complete darkness. For a moment, shivers ran across his skin, dragging panic along with them.
For a moment, he felt actually terrified, trembling outright.
No Kain but…
No abuse but…
"Easy now, Rock," Ryuji said to cut through the past visions of old terrors. "It's just you and me. There's no one but us."
Little by little, Rock relaxed and sank into the comfortable haze again, shuddering at the hand that crept up his inner thigh and caused shockwaves of reactive energy to shoot through his body. He bit his lip and tried to remain quiet although he couldn't help but whine softly at the teasing of fingers being mere inches away from his groin.
"Good boy. You really know how to lay there and take it," Ryuji snickered as he moved his hand again and began stroking Rock's cock with such hard fast pumps that it was outright torture when he withdrew his hand, laughing maliciously in the process. "You thought I was just gonna jerk you off and that was it, huh? Too bad, wolfy."
Fine. Fine. Not that Rock was mentally capable of doing any thinking at the moment so it took a second for his mind to stop working in slow motion. "If you just intend to do nothing, I'll crawl under the covers and jerk off."
There came a pause before Ryuji responded in an instant, pinning the younger man to the mattress harshly enough for his breath to come out in a shuddering gasp. They were no further apart than a few inches.
"You impatient little mutt. You don't make it easy for me to not fuck you silly, do you?" Ryuji brushed a thumb down the line of Rock's jaw, a motion that contrasted sharply against the sadism in his tone. "That's great though; you better keep up with me." Now, you still up for it?"
It took a second for Rock to collect himself into remembering that he had consented to get shagged to the point of unconsciousness or something to that effect. "Y-yeah…"
There was some shuffling around him and the sensation of the mattress shifting. Without his vision or his limbs, the remainder of his other senses sharpened to an unfamiliarly heightened degree. Thus Ryuji's fingers drifting across his stomach, over the scar from Freeman, running through his hair, then skating over his collarbones feel all the more intense.
As was the finger settling between Rock's legs and pressing up inside of him. Greedily sinking into the feeling, Rock arched his back and gasped obscenely, his mouth moving open with soft moans that turned all the more desperate as one finger became two – then three, shifting between merciless fucking and gentle teasing.
Rock became dimly aware of the sounds dripping out of his mouth, helpless, hungry, soft, how his body burned with raw, glowing desire, how alive he felt from being put at the absolute mercy of someone else whom he fully trusted.
"Please," Rock breathed out, his body turning white-hot electric with exhilaration. Ryuji mused with a hum, then pulled out and did nothing else, chuckling like a fiend at the frustrated growl he got in return. At this rate, he'd break Rock pretty fast. He shifted a bit, then put a hand on Rock's throat, exerting just enough presence to make his dominance known.
"Tell me something, Rock," he growled. "What do you want?"
Rock was shivering all over, trying to pull together enough brain function to speak although it amounted to little more than weak, pathetic pleas. "I want-I want you. Ugh, god…more."
A short laugh came From Ryuji as he lifted Rock's lower body and smacked him harshly across the ass with enough impact to make the young man hastily muffle a yelp by snapping his mouth shut and tasting blood because his teeth caught his tongue. The hit was like a piece of burning coal being fanned to a brightly red gem in his stomach, endorphins hitting him hard in the process. Through the blindfold, Rock blinked a bit at the stinging forcing tears to his eyes. Somehow, whatever the fuck he was feeling, Ryuji picked up on it so leaned down and kissed him across the throat.
"You good?" he asked.
"Y-yeah, just caught me by surprise. Bit of a new rush," Rock answered, dazed from the shock still tingling his skin, then highly anticipating when he felt familiar pressure between his legs from Ryuji pressing his cock inside of him.
"Guess I gotta make it up to you for that one, huh?" Ryuji said, his voice little more than a husky growl, sinking the last of his cock inside Rock to make him writhe and arch against the restraints. He grabbed onto the younger man's legs, then bent them upwards as he began to move his hips, each thrust practically making Rock's nerves scream in delight. "I think you isolated us out here on purpose, wolfy."
"Ah, fuck, yes, so good…" Rock exhaled in a soft rush at Ryuji firmly fucking him, caressing his stomach, then his chest and finally resting on his throat, applying just a smidge of pressure for the lightheadedness to kick in.
Hazy yet instant, he felt every sensation flood his every nerve, every synapse. Words fell from his lips, but he couldn't make sense of them with his mind melting into a puddle of delight. He twisted his wrists to grab the ropes and made an obscene groan at his legs being manipulated and angled further apart so Ryuji could fuck him harder, deeper – until he unraveled, coming so chaotically hard his head spun to the point of disorientation.
In the brief afterglow, Ryuji undid the restraints, then flipped Rock onto his stomach, tying his arms behind his back, pinning him to his mattress, and pounding into him. Aftershock still pulsed over Rock, sharpening into delight again, before he cried out in parts pleasure, parts being utterly overwhelmed, in parts pain from another smack or two across his ass.
Ryuji leaned over him, biting his ear, his neck, his shoulder, grunting; "Had enough?"
Catching his breath, Rock shook his head, shuddering at the hand now pulling his hair with pain burning through his scalp. Another harsh bite into his shoulder was the perfect contrast to the railing, so sharp yet good that it broke a high-pitched moan alongside a few fragmented words resembling a sentence out of him. "Fuck, I, ugh, god!"
Everything blurred so intentionally that his skin tingled with the near-ache of wanting to come and wanting this to last a little more, when not being driven up the wall at the inability to touch himself. As if some god of mercy had heard his plea, Ryuji pulled his hair again and reached between his legs to jerk him off. Rock shuddered into it, so close he could explode into atoms, reeling at the pain and pleasure hitting him all at once. Maybe a little bit of that dark, dangerous, potent vulnerability too as Ryuji growled into his ear.
"Beg me to let you come."
Like a dog in training, Rock arched against Ryuji and whispered accordingly, getting pinned back down on the mattress when his hair was released. "Please, I need…ugh…"
"Didn't quite catch that. Wanna say it again?" Ryuji murmured, and Rock trembled with the effort to hold himself in check and not come before he got permission. "What do you need, wolfy?"
"To come, please…"
"Hm, let me think about it. Until then, be a good dog and do hold out," Ryuji snickered with just the right amount of dark edge, softening down each thrust to tender pushes and Rock nearly curled into himself, yelping into the pillow with the ache positively fighting against ironclad willpower to follow directions.
"On second thought, you're such a good boy. Alright, go ahead," came the call, and Rock gladly let go, coming again, almost aching from the strain of it. The afterglow was like a calm lake and a storm all at once, turning his mind into liquid in the process.
From somewhere in the haze of Rock's thoughts or lack thereof, there was a speck of something dark. Something certain. A face, many of them. Of people he would never see again. Kain, Grant, abusers. People who hurt him. Smiling and sneering at him, causing him to shiver for all the wrong reasons, tears stinging in his eyes. Ryuji noticed none of it, fucking him mercilessly until the fear and the shame blurred with the love and lust, gathering in one confusing pile of contradictions.
Rock tried to gather what remained of his mind and push the memories away, trying to focus on the now, focus on what felt good. Every part of Ryuji felt good; talks about nothing, talks about the people in their lives, histories from the past, hopes and dreams for the future, larger things in life, cooking with him, having a peaceful coexistence.
It wasn't part of the bad memories, it was a sign of better times.
Rock closed his heart to it, his emotions taking bit of a whirlwind hit while he tried to figure them out between trying not to let arousal break him in half, groaning when Ryuji wrapped his hands around his dick and thrust into him in sync with each stroke until he came again with a sob, tears rolling into the blindfold, his entire member pulsating into Ryuji's hand.
"Rock..." The older man tried gently, his voice strained with the effort of keeping up. "Where do you want it?"
"I-inside me," Rock whispered, mewling into the sheets as Ryuji gripped tightly into his hips, thrusting hard again.
"Fuck, you're so hot," Ryuji said, sounding honestly winded, leaned down again, burying himself in Rock's hair, his breath leaving his mouth in deep huffs of air as he came, hard and deep, still keeping his bruising grip. Continually breathless, Rock tried to put himself back together, not quite in the headspace to deal with whatever he was feeling. He was just about forced to when the tears pressed against his eyes and a sniff escaped him.
Just for a moment, he felt so miserably confused and useless.
"Holy shit, was I too rough?" Ryuji asked, lifting himself and pulling out gently.
"No, I just…" Rock couldn't explain it. He couldn't will himself to stop crying either, just lay there and weep over god knew what. "I'm fine."
The ropes were undone, releasing his arms to limply flop alongside his body, and the blindfold was removed with the light momentarily obscuring his vision. He let himself be rolled onto his side and stared right into Ryuji's flushed face, eyes darkened with residual lust, hazy in the afterglow, strands of blonde hair matted with sweat hanging over his forehead.
He gathered the shambles of Rock into his arms, stroking the top of his head with soft, tender movements, not quite convinced because Rock couldn't stop crying. He clenched the young man closer and pressed a firm, long kiss against the top of his head, holding him close until he moved on from faint panicked sobs.
Rock furled into himself a little, partly embarrassed at his own weirdness. "Sorry…"
"Why?" Ryuji sounded genuinely confused and his sincerity pulled a peal of uneasy laughter from Rock, who rested near his chest and heard his droning heartbeat. Ugh, he smelled like home, he felt like home.
"I guess I was just overwhelmed by a lot of things for a sec. Past things. What the hell?"
"Nothing, wolfy. It's over. We ain't ever gonna lock back now. They are gone and you're here."
Yes. Rock could agree with that. He closed his eyes as a finger brushed against tears blending with the lashes and he shifted to kiss Ryuji deeply.
"More?" he asked in a tender whisper. "Just, you know. Basic?"
A spark of interest ignited in Ryuji's eyes and he took hold of Rock, flipping him onto his back and settling over him to fuck him a little more gently. Sinking into the warmth that surrounded him, Rock welcomed the ambiance of rain pattering on the window and the process of putting aside contemplation of what lay ahead.
Putting it away for one perfect moment.
You look like your mother.
You're ugly on the inside and out.
You're good like her.
You're vulnerable like her.
I'm glad you came.
I'll make you stay forever.
Family stick together.
You don't deserve family.
Kain's office looked different than in Rock's memories. A bright white light peered through the wide windows. Kain's scalp was bloody, Grant was bleeding from a wound on his neck. Rock soon determined that the light was actually scoldingly hot fires, so heated that they turned a little blue to the human eye. Kinda like the burning of a stove.
"You won't escape, Rock," Kain said suddenly, smiling just a bit as the fog of smoke began to linger in the air. "You're an idiot. A weak little worthless creature who can't get over his issues so he destroys himself instead. The scars are still there. They will always be there."
"I…" Rock opened his mouth, but his voice became trapped in his throat and he looked down, accepting his own uselessness. Like many times before. Like he was a machine-learning algorithm responding to manipulations.
It was-no. It was not.
Not real, he reminded himself. Not real. He'd carve out his own destiny. Fate was his to control. He'd done it with Geese. He could do it again…right?
"Come here," Kain's voice spoke from every angle of his office.
No, Rock thought. With his voice lacking, all he could do was stand his ground, trying to stand up against these ghosts from his past. He remained where he stood but his body was shaking, and the plume of smoke grew thicker. Flames sprouted from the ground and swallowed everything. Including Kain, Grant, and Rock. Their bodies became charred remains and all there was to see in the inferno was a bright, white light as Rock opened his eyes to a greying sky.
It took a few embarrassing moments to remember where he was; in a boat, in a lake, lying down to take a nap, with Ryuji staring at him from above, worry written all over his face.
"You make a fuck load of noise," he said, his tone not matching his expression. Maybe he was still a little miffed with himself for being talked into fishing. He held the fishing pole pretty well though.
"Sorry," Rock rubbed his eyes and sat straight up, noting how badly he was shaking, feeling a little ill. Looking over the edge of the boat, he came to see his reflection stare back at him, pale from the look of it. He sat back in the boat, not quite able to relax or stand being in his own skin.
Ryuji shifted close to him, just slowly enough to not let the boat wobble too much, and put one hand on his back, rubbing up and down. Rock wrapped his arms around the older man in search of comfort, relaxing just a notch at the hand settling on his shoulder, then the nape of his neck, fingers carding through his hair. He tried not to break down at the gentle sweetness while forming some sort of explanation.
"Dreams, huh?" Ryuji asked.
"Y-yeah…" Rock managed, pressing his face against the older man's neck just for a moment before he'd otherwise shatter.
"Fuck 'em," Ryuji declared, refreshingly crude and transparent.
"Yeah, fuck 'em," the younger man couldn't help but laugh as he pulled back and rubbed his face with the back of his hand, so grateful it hurt that he had an outlet to let the terror fade away in waves like the rippling water around them. Thankful that he had someone to keep him grounded, even after seeing all his faults and horrible coping mechanisms.
Ryuji had seen all of it and stuck around anyway. Up until that point, his life had been diversions and deflections and avoidances, and dissociations. Layers; layers of pain and the fear of feeling. Layers of discovery and reflection. Less snake and more human. Very human. He had the hardest time admitting that, but his actions spoke volumes. It helped that they had people in their lives accepting their faults and fears. No longer so alone, reliant on their own strengths.
It was okay to feel weak. It would get better. There was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Ryuji touched Rock's face just briefly, fingers brushing against his cheek, then his jaw. "Wanna talk about it?"
Rock stared at him, then shook his head, leaning against him, very human. Still tearful. Confessing; "No but I love you, by the way."
Ryuji scoffed and paused for an awfully long time. It took a moment for him to get there but that was no reason to doubt him, not when a sheet of crimson spread over his face and his voice became a little gentler. "I love you too, wolfy."
It always made Rock giddy to hear it. At a time like this, it was exactly what he needed. Hell, he needed it whenever he heard it. He would probably need it after the fishing rod began to bend, a sign of a fish being hooked. Ryuji flinched and Rock reached for the device, employing all the techniques Terry had taught him as he stood up. He dragged the rod and used the elements to tire the fish out with more patience than Terry ever had before he started reeling the catch in.
Little by little, the fish was dragged closer, and the bend of the rod began to lessen before Rock pulled its tip up, reeling in the line at a measured speed. Finally, he hauled the entire rod over his shoulder, heaving the fish out of the water before it landed in the boat, flopping around and splashing until Ryuji managed to grab it and toss it into a portable cooler filled with ice.
"What the fuck is that?" he groaned, then looked at his slimy hands with utter disgust.
"A lake trout," Rock answered, putting a lid on the box. With the size of the fish, it'd sustain them for the evening and even tomorrow too. A good broth could be made from the carcass no doubt. "A pretty big one at that."
"How would you know?"
Rock didn't open the box for the demonstration as the fish was still audibly flailing inside so he sat back down, packed the rod away, and gestured with his hands. "The body is grey, and it got oval, irregular white spots on the side and back."
Ryuji mused ponderously, rubbing the tips of his fingers together while Rock grabbed the oars and rowed the boat closer to shore. The weather was mild, but gusts of wind were beginning to pick up in intensity. As they neared the pier, the older man leaned forward, his arms stretched out until he rubbed his fish-laced fingers against Rock's chest, smearing it all over his shirt. Completely caught off guard, the younger man shifted and jerked around, causing the entire boat to wobble with water splashing against its sides until Ryuji managed to grab him by the collar and push him down to the bottom, nearly losing the oars in the process.
"Hey, stop that," Rock grimaced and fought his way to a sitting position, pouting as he rowed the boat back to shore after their brief wrestling match. His cheeks burned scarlet, and he bit out; "Ugh, you prick!"
An evil grin spread over Ryuji's face in the aftermath of his perceived victory. It didn't bear much malice to anyone who knew him. "What's the matter, fishy? You don't love me anymore?"
"I might when you behave yourself," Rock huffed as they made it back to shore.
Tying the boat to the pier, a particularly bad gust of wind nearly knocked Rock off his feet. It had caught the rim of his shirt, and he pulled down hastily to hide his exposed belly. He looked at the lake, and for a moment thought of Andy's funeral, the first day without Terry, the first day within the Heinlein palace. The weather had been a little like this. Rock's memory of his time within Kai's lair, the timeframe of it, was but a haze, he realized.
Maybe because everything had changed. And things would continue to change.
That was okay; it was part of his fate, a part of life. All that mattered now was an end to long nights of misery and wandering day to day in the darkness. He had his nightmares, he had his moments of feeling weak and cold but he also had the warmth in the presence of people he loved – and vice versa. He could control his destiny that way. He'd be okay. Feeling Ryuji's arm being swung around his shoulder, he closed his eyes and grounded himself within the only life he knew.
"Say, how does trout with a garlic lemon butter herb sauce sound?" Rock asked as they made their way back to the cabin.
"Like a fuckin' word salad. Hey, maybe you could put it on the menu," Ryuji chuckled, and Rock couldn't help but laugh.
It'd be okay. They were okay.