Thank You, Heavenly
Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day
SEASON 0
EPISODE 4
Air Date: June 24, 2024
"Chill"
Special Guest Stars: Kira Kosarin as Lynne
#TYHBF02
SCENE 1
(The instrumental to "Vacation Eyes" by the Jonas Brothers plays in the background)
Fade in. The episode starts with RK watching the sunset on the beach. He sits on a lawn chair and sports a straw hat, sunglasses, Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, and sandals.
RK: Ah. The benefit of just...being whatever I happen to be.
A butler comes up to RK with a drink on a silver platter, then hands it to him.
BUTLER: Your beverage, sir.
RK: Thank you, garcon.
RK begins drinking, then abruptly stops.
RK (CONT.): You smell that, garcon?
BUTLER: I don't believe I do, sir.
RK: Really? Because it's funkier than James Brown. What the f*** is that smell? Oh no.
SCENE 2
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
As RK naps on the couch, a garbage bag is dropped on his chest. He screams and falls over, then crawls around for a few seconds and gets up.
RK: W-w-what was that? Huh? Who's trying to kill me?
KG: Hi. I'm over here.
RK looks behind him to see KG.
RK: KG, what are you doing, man? I was sitting in my beach chair.
KG: You need some fresh air. If you're going to be sleeping on the couch every day, you might as well get rid of the trash.
RK: Bro, read my lips. I'm on summer break. Which means I'm on vacation, which means I have the privilege to reject work of all kinds.
KG: You're on break from schoolwork, not housework. You're going to be here for two months, so you better find something to do.
RK: Okay, Mr. Dictator. What are your summer plans?
KG: What do you think? I'm about to have the best summer of my life. Putting in extra hours at Fernando's, working on new routines. I'm even getting my edumacation on.
KG passes RK a small textbook.
RK: PSAT for TikTok Babies. What the hell is this?
KG: It's a PSAT practice book. Denise thought that I should look at it now so I can ace the test in the fall. Then I take the SAT next year, kill that, and I'm on my way to the best colleges in the country.
RK: You're already thinking about next year? Maybe you should slow down before you burn out.
KG: Nah, I'm good. I'm going to be 16 soon, so I'm trying to set up my future. It wouldn't kill you to do it, too.
KG takes back the book and runs upstairs.
RK: It would kill me three times, bring me back to life, then kill me again. Now, where was I with that beach chair?
RK lays back on the couch and the "Vacation Eyes" instrumental returns as RK closes his eyes, then a record needle skip is heard.
KG (O.S.): Take out the damn trash!
RK: Ah, son of a...
RK grabs the garbage bag and storms out of the house.
SCENE 3
The Saleh Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Anja sits on the couch and plays with her fingers when Lynne runs in.
LYNNE: What's up? The bus came twenty minutes late, so I was stranded out there.
ANJA: Why didn't you call me and tell me that? I've been waiting here for decades.
LYNNE: I'm pretty sure I texted you.
ANJA: I didn't get a text.
LYNNE: Really? Because I'm pretty sure I-
Lynne looks at her phone.
LYNNE (CONT.): Shit, I wrote the text, but didn't send it. Oh, well.
Anja sucks her teeth in disgust. Lynne sits down next to her. There is an awkward silence for a few seconds until Anja stares at Lynne.
ANJA: Well?
LYNNE: What?
ANJA: Are you going to say something?
LYNNE: About what, where we're going? I thought you planned it already.
ANJA: Lynne, you know how much I hate it when you're late. It throws me off, and then you can't even say you're sorry when you know you messed up.
LYNNE: Yeah, I know. This is on me, one hundred percent.
Beat.
ANJA: You know what? Why don't you just go home and I'll talk to you...whenever, I don't care.
Anja gets up from the couch and walks towards the steps. Lynne looks dumbfounded.
LYNNE: Are you sure you don't wanna go out anymore?
ANJA: Yes!
Anja walks upstairs and slams her door.
LYNNE: Great. Now, I'm cold again.
Lynne shakes her head and leaves the house.
SCENE 4
The Jennings Household
Interior Kitchen
Seattle, Washington
Later that day, RK is making Kool-Aid for himself and Wade.
RK: I'm telling you, Wade, the stakes are high this summer. If I don't do something big, KG will never let me live it down.
WADE: I'm sure you'll think of something. You're always coming up with crazy ideas.
RK: Not this time. I'm in vacation mode. Maybe I need something like an internship or a program where I can study abroad. What do you think?
WADE: I think it's July and they usually pick people for those programs by the end of May?
RK: Damn. I was this close. Alright, taste this, tell me what you think.
Wade drinks the Kool-Aid and his eyes widen.
WADE: Good Lord, how much did you put in here?
RK: As much as I can. The trick is you add some sugar in the beginning, then triple down on the Kool-Aid mix to give it that Southern flavor. It's all here in my book, How to Live to Eat.
RK winks at the camera as he displays a copy of "How to Live to Eat."
WADE: I already told you I never want to see that book again.
RK: Big deal, you're seeing it. Everything I've learned about a proper diet, I put in this book. I've changed lives.
WADE: You changed Buster's life, and he ended up in the hospital after he read your book.
RK: Hey, there's a disclaimer in the beginning for a reason. Not all stomachs are made equal. That reminds me, I need to start my mixing.
WADE: Your mixing?
RK: Yeah, for my summer drinks. This one is going to be huge. It's mango Cowboy Pop and orange Crush.
RK takes out the drink from the fridge and begins sipping it, then smacks his lips.
RK (CONT.): Eh, it needs a little sugar.
RK starts adding sugar to the summer drink while Wade looks on with bewilderment.
WADE: You know, when Ariana Grande licked those donuts, I didn't agree, but I understood. Now, I fully agree.
SCENE 5
The Saleh Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Later that night, Anja watches TV when Lynne walks in.
LYNNE: Hey Anja, what's up?
Beat.
ANJA: Hey.
LYNNE: What's going on? You're watching a little TV there?
ANJA: Seems like I am.
Lynne sits on the couch and rubs her chin.
LYNNE: Hmmm. That looks like...Bruce Lee. I didn't know you liked Bruce Lee.
ANJA: I barely know who that is.
LYNNE: Well, he had all these fighting movies. We should watch one together.
Anja blinks rapidly, then sighs and heads for the kitchen. Lynne follows her.
LYNNE (CONT.): Hey Anja, come on, talk to me. What are you mad about?
ANJA: I'm not mad, Lynne. Not this time. Just disappointed.
LYNNE: What do you mean?
ANJA: Lynne, do you remember when you first came here and you kept getting into trouble, and I kept having to bail you out?
LYNNE: Yeah, of course.
ANJA: Well, I'm not doing that anymore.
LYNNE: But you don't have to. I haven't gotten into a fight in a long time.
ANJA: That's not what I'm talking about. You're not five years old, Lynne. I shouldn't have to force you to apologize every time you do something wrong. I've told you a million times how to handle things, and you're always like, "Yeah, I understand," but you never do.
LYNNE: So, what's this mean? You're done with me?
ANJA: I never said that. But you need to learn what accountability means and learn it fast.
LYNNE: Oh. Okay.
Beat.
ANJA: You should probably go.
LYNNE: Yeah, that's a good idea.
Anja shakes her head as Lynne leaves the house.
SCENE 6
Bang Bang Chicken
Interior Booth
Seattle, Washington
("Under You" by Nick Jonas plays over the restaurant's loudspeakers)
The kids are all together as RK has four bottles in front of him.
RK: Guys, I know you've been anticipating this day for months. Well, the wait is over. My summer drinks are ready to be enjoyed.
BUSTER: This is like the Super Bowl for me. I told you that, right?
RK: You did, but I never get tired of hearing it. Drink up, comrades.
The kids start sampling RK's summer drinks.
JAYLYNN: Wow, what is this? Cherry limeade and, um...um, uh...
RK: Don't give up, you got it.
JAYLYNN: Dr. Pepper?
RK: Bingo. But not too much Dr. Pepper because you don't want to overpower the recipe.
SPARKY: Yeah, the mango/orange drink is the one. This is my favorite.
WADE: You didn't even drink the other ones.
SPARKY: I don't need to. My taste buds know which one is number one right off the bat.
BUSTER: Wait a minute. We can't drink these.
RK: Why not?
BUSTER: Because if we drink it with the food, we save money. Little bit of math I just threw out there.
RK: I like your style. Treat yourselves, guys, there's more to enjoy all summer long.
WADE: RK, I think I figured out the solution to your problem.
RK: What, my rash? I'm going to have that for the rest of my life, it's over.
WADE: No, not that. Your summer problem. How about you take these drinks and sell them?
RK: Wade, the summer drinks are a way of life, not a lemonade stand. I'm not interested in going commercial.
WADE: Well, how about this? You talked about the summer drinks in your book, right?
RK: Of course.
WADE: Then don't think of it as selling out. Think of it as you spreading your philosophy to the masses. All summer long, you get to show people how to live to eat.
RK: Of course. Enlightening people on achieving freedom through their diet.
JAYLYNN: What's happening?
BUSTER: I don't know. I think RK and Wade are starting a cult.
JAYLYNN: Oh, shit.
SPARKY: You guys literally can't hear what they're saying?
BUSTER: I'm pretty lost in this drink, but I don't like what I'm hearing about the cult.
RK: Wade, you've inspired me. I'm going to quench everybody's thirst this summer with my drinks. And not only am I spreading my beliefs, I'm showing KG he's not the only one with things going on.
SPARKY: Well, just know we're going to be your support team, RK. Anything you need, we're here for you.
RK: Thanks Sparko. First thing I need is a brand name. Something that you can see on a billboard and get turned on by.
Beat.
BUSTER: I got it. How about-
RK: Nah, Jaylynn, that will never work. I could go with Let the Flavor Hit 'Em or Mr. Freezerman, but instead, I'm thinking about...Chill.
Beat.
JAYLYNN: I like Mr. Freezerman better.
SCENE 7
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn and Lynne are on the couch together.
JAYLYNN: Wow. She really let you have it.
LYNNE: Yeah, I've never seen her like this before. Any time I messed up, we were cool the same day. Now, I don't know what to do.
JAYLYNN: Why don't you just try apologizing?
LYNNE: I could, but it's so awkward. It gets quiet, my heart races, and I freeze up. It's uncomfortable.
JAYLYNN: Yeah, that's what accountability means. It's not supposed to be fun. You're taking responsibility for what you did.
LYNNE: Why can't we just pretend it didn't happen? Why does someone have to be responsible every time?
JAYLYNN: You know what your problem is, Lynne? You lack emotional intelligence.
LYNNE: Now, you're throwing the dictionary at me, too?
JAYLYNN: Your friends are holding you back from being smarter. I'm just saying.
LYNNE: Okay, this...emotional accountable stuff, how much do you know about it?
JAYLYNN: A lot. I learned about it before I moved here. I had to realize how much I hurt people and show them I wasn't going to do it anymore.
LYNNE: So, can you teach me? I don't want Anja to throw me away.
JAYLYNN: Of course. The first thing to remember is how to apologize. Try working on that, and you'll be on your way to having...emotional intelligence.
The phrase "Emotional intelligence (EI): The ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions" appears on the screen. Jaylynn and Lynne notice that the words are there.
LYNNE: What? Why is that there?
JAYLYNN: It's okay. Just wait for the transition.
SCENE 8
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
RK whistles "Watermelon Sugar" by Harry Styles as he organizes a bunch of fliers on the table. KG walks in and sees what RK is doing.
KG: What's going on here? You got an internship at an office?
RK: They hire people for that stuff in May, thank you. I have something big going on. Really big. Huge.
KG: Okay, what is it?
RK: Pfffft. I bet you would like to know, wouldn't you? Huh? You would want to know?
KG: Yes, that's why I asked you.
RK: Do you just wanna know or do you want to know know?
KG: I want to know what you are doing this summer, RK.
Beat.
RK: KG...
KG: I'll kill you!
RK: Okay, okay, calm down. You remember my book, How to Live to Eat?
KG: Yeah, Trevor couldn't put down his copy. What about it?
RK: I decided to take a page from that book, no pun intended, and spread the good word of refreshments. I'm selling my summer drinks.
KG: Wait, seriously? You told me you would never charge people for your drinks.
RK: It's not about the money, it's about a higher purpose. With every drink sold, a copy of my book is sold. You get to quench your thirst and learn about the best way to make your body happy.
KG: Sometimes, I feel like you talk in code. Like you're afraid that the FBI's tapping your phone.
RK: They are, but I'm being as clear as I possibly can. This is it, KG. This is the biggest summer activity I've ever had, and I'm not wasting it.
KG: So, if you don't care about the money, could I have it?
RK: Are you going to support the business?
KG: Probably not.
RK: Then you get nothing. That money's going to charity.
KG: Charity? Who are you going to donate the money to, those scumbags who act like they care about breast cancer?
RK: Nah, I was thinking UNICEF. Starving kids grow on trees, man.
SCENE 9
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Jaylynn and Lynne are on the couch.
JAYLYNN: Alright, Lynne, today's your first lesson in...emotional intelligence.
The phrase "Emotional intelligence (EI): The ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions" appears on the screen again. Jaylynn sighs and looks directly at the camera.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Guys, I swear, if you keep showing that shit, I'm not coming back next season.
The phrase disappears immediately.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Thank you. Now, Lynne, if you're going to make Anja happy, you need to learn about the art of apologizing.
LYNNE: I thought you were teaching me about emotional intelligence.
JAYLYNN: I am. Apologizing is part of it. Knowing you did something wrong and taking accountability for it goes a long way.
LYNNE: Okay, so all I need to do is learn how to say sorry?
JAYLYNN: It's a little more complex than that. You have to know what you did, make no excuses, and just be genuine.
LYNNE: Well, I guess I could start with you.
JAYLYNN: Huh?
LYNNE: Jaylynn, I'm really sorry I was mean to you for all those years. I spent a lot of time being immature when I really wanted to be friends. I just didn't realize it.
JAYLYNN: Wow. You just came up with that?
LYNNE: No. I've been holding that in for a while. I was waiting for the right time to tell you.
Beat.
JAYLYNN: You liar.
LYNNE: What? No, that's how I really feel.
JAYLYNN: I'm not saying you don't feel that way, but that was a real apology. You always wanted to take accountability for the past, but you never had the chance to.
LYNNE: I see what you mean. So, Anja's wrong. If anything, she should apologize to me.
Beat.
LYNNE (CONT.): Or maybe I just blew it and I should listen more to what you're saying.
JAYLYNN: Yeah. See, Lynne, you know how to say sorry. You know how to be genuine, you know when you've done something wrong. Why is it so hard for you to do that with Anja?
LYNNE: I don't know. I guess...Anja always gave me a pass, and you didn't. You always called me out for something. Sometimes, Anja would just say it's fine and move on.
JAYLYNN: Now, Anja's not giving you a pass and you don't know how to handle it.
LYNNE: Yup.
JAYLYNN: Okay, here's the thing. Anja's going to let you make mistakes, but if you make too many of them, she'll snap on you. She holds in her anger until it's too late.
LYNNE: So, I should be scared of Anja now, right? Because then if I'm scared, I'll always listen to her!
JAYLYNN: No.
LYNNE: Okay, no.
JAYLYNN: Just go to Anja's place and give her a real apology. One that's coming from a genuine place.
LYNNE: Alright. Will you come with me?
JAYLYNN: Sure. But I'm going to park far away from the house.
LYNNE: Why?
JAYLYNN: I don't want Anja thinking I made you apologize.
LYNNE: But you kinda are, right?
Beat.
LYNNE (CONT.): I started off well with the apology, I know.
SCENE 10
The Jennings Household
Exterior Front Yard
Seattle, Washington
RK has set up a stand for Chill. He has on a similar outfit that he wore in his dream, and three pitchers set up along with a stack of copies for "How to Live to Eat." An old man in a wife beater walks up to him.
OLD MAN: Ah, you're selling lemonade, young man?
RK: Lemonade? Oh no, sir, I'm selling enlightenment.
OLD MAN: I don't get it.
RK: Introducing Chill, a new way to quench your thirst. Each drink is a dollar apiece, and as a bonus, you get a free copy of my book How to Live to Eat. You will be free.
OLD MAN: Free to do what?
RK: You are free...from the shackles of healthy eating. You get to achieve the story of happiness within your body. Are you ready, sir? Are you ready to finish your story?
OLD MAN: Yeah, I'm just gonna go get some Italian ice.
The man shakes his head and walks away.
RK: What did I say wrong?
SCENE 11
Lucky Star Deli and Grocery
Seattle, Washington
RK and Wade walk towards the refrigerator section of the corner store where all the drinks are kept.
RK: I don't know, Wade, something's wrong. A couple days in and people are barely buying Chill.
WADE: Maybe it's your approach.
RK: My approach? I'm a legendary salesman, what's wrong with my approach?
WADE: You're telling people that they get to achieve enlightenment through a soft drink. They might think you're on something.
RK: I am on something, Wade. On knowledge. I want to educate people and quench their thirst at the same time.
WADE: Hey, I'm all for knowledge, but you have to try something new. You want them to buy the drink, so focus on the drink. The book is just a little souvenir.
RK: I guess that could work. Wait, wait, wait, what the hell is this?
RK pulls out a bottle of tropical Skittles juice from the fridge.
WADE: Yeah, Skittles has beverages now. Every flavor tastes like they took a pack of Skittles and blended it.
RK: Okay, so, some moron decided to make a drink that tastes like tropical Skittles? What kind of foolishness is this?
WADE: RK, the more you come outside, the more you realize that food and drinks don't make sense anymore. It's a no-holds-barred industry now.
RK: F*** that. There's such a thing as decency, integrity, sanity. Skittles are Skittles, juice is juice. Mixing the two is unnatural.
WADE: It's already out. You can't do anything about it.
RK: Maybe not, but I can show people the way. I can show them what it means to enjoy what they drink without bullshit like this. It's time for this whole city to know what it truly means...to chill.
Beat.
WADE: You didn't have to do the dramatic pause.
RK: I did have to do it!
SCENE 12
The Saleh Household
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
Lynne walks up to Anja's door, and her hands start shaking.
LYNNE: Nope.
Lynne pulls out her phone and starts dialing. It rings.
JAYLYNN (V.O.): You're already done? I just found a parking space.
LYNNE: No, I'm not doing it. I can't, I'm not ready.
JAYLYNN (V.O.): Lynne, baby, you're ready. It's been in you the whole time, you just have to get it out.
LYNNE: No, it's not. What if something bad happens when I apologize?
JAYLYNN (V.O.): Like what?
LYNNE: I could start sweating all over the place and get heatstroke. Or I could just start babbling about Degrassi for no reason. Or I could die. Do you really think Anja will want an apology from someone who's dead?
JAYLYNN (V.O.): I didn't know you like Degrassi. It's on Tubi, we could watch it together.
LYNNE: Jaylynn, nobody cares about Degrassi. My sister is ashamed of me!
JAYLYNN (V.O.): Look, Lynne, you're overthinking this. You know what you did wrong, and you know you don't want Anja to ignore you. Just go in and do it. Don't think about it, just do it.
LYNNE: Okay. Thanks. Bye.
Lynne hangs up.
LYNNE (CONT.): She's right. You can do this, Lynne. It's just Anja, not some monster.
Anja opens the door.
ANJA: Lynne, what's going on? Who are you talking to out here?
Beat.
LYNNE: New year, new look, new Lynne?
SCENE 13
Jaylynn is shown driving Lynne. Lynne looks frustrated.
JAYLYNN: So, you asked her why she walked out on her date with Hazel for her mom's pasta sauce?
LYNNE: Yeah, I, um...blacked out and I quoted a bunch of other shit from the show?
JAYLYNN: Name them.
LYNNE: Um, "You told me to play basketball," "Hey Anja, girlfriend," "You're just jealous," and "When in doubt, you kiss Jaylynn?!"
JAYLYNN: Did you even try to apologize?
LYNNE: I'm pretty sure that was the apology. Jaylynn, what am I gonna do? Now, Anja thinks I'm an asshole and a weirdo.
JAYLYNN: To be fair, you were those things for a long time.
LYNNE: Yeah, but it was different before. I was angry all the time. Now, it's all gone and I'm just some dweeb.
JAYLYNN: You're not a dweeb. You just need to build some confidence. Then, you'll be ready to apologize.
LYNNE: And when will that be? When Halley's Comet comes back?
JAYLYNN: Of course not. Just give me some time to think of something.
Beat.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): Seriously, why Degrassi?
LYNNE: I don't...know, Jaylynn. I really don't know.
SCENE 14
("Watermelon Sugar" by Harry Styles plays in the background)
In an effort to get more customers for Chill, RK has decided to expand his reach through more promotion. He posts new fliers all over the city advertising Chill's quality in comparison to other sugary drinks. One flier depicts RK stomping on packages of Capri-Sun, Hi-C, and Kool-Aid with an oversized boot. He also decides to take Chill on the road and sell it around the city, including Ike's, the corner store, Bang Bang Chicken, and outside of schools as kids leave their summer classes.
With the increased promotion and new locations, Chill has found the large audience that RK was looking for. At the same time, he manages to give away a large number of copies of "How to Live to Eat." On the fliers, the book is advertised as "the modern-day 'Autobiography of Malcolm X,' if Malcolm loved hot dogs and Pepsi."
SCENE 15
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
RK and KG are watching TV when the telephone rings.
RK: You get it.
KG: I don't want to get it. I hate speaking on the telephone.
RK: Well, not everyone can afford an iPhone for $3,000. Don't you know we're in a recession?
KG: No, we're not.
RK: Then why does it always feel like we are?
KG: Just answer it.
RK: Fine.
RK groans and picks up the telephone.
RK (CONT.): Talk to me.
HEATHER (V.O.): Hi, is this RK Jennings?
RK: Yes, the very RKJ. What's going on?
HEATHER (V.O.): This is Heather Hamilton and I work for Better Beverages, Inc. We're striving to provide consumers with tasty drinking options that are more health-conscious.
RK: That's fascinating, but what does that have to do with me?
HEATHER (V.O.): Our company has been very impressed with Chill and how many people love your product. We actually wanted to do business with you so your drinks can reach people outside of the Seattle area.
RK: I wasn't born yesterday, ma'am. I know a scam when I hear one.
KG: Dude, hang up before they steal your banking information.
RK: I'm working on it. Alright, Heather, if I look up this "Better Beverages Bureau," would I find the company website?
HEATHER (V.O.): Of course. We have an office here in Seattle and we would like to meet with you to discuss business opportunities.
RK: Okay. I might be interested, but give me your address and we can discuss it further.
KG: What are you doing?
RK: I'm playing them. I'll make them think I'm taking their little "business meeting" and when the dramatic moment comes, I'll tell them to go to hell. It's perfect.
HEATHER (V.O.): RK, are you still there?
RK: Yes, I'm still here. I can't wait for this little "business meeting" to take place. Beat. Wait, how much are you offering?
SCENE 16
Ike's Ice Cream Emporium
Interior Booth
Seattle, Washington
That same day, the kids are all eating together.
WADE: So, you're about to sell Chill?
RK: I'm not selling Chill. I'm just working with some executives on a way to expand the outreach of Chill, and there may be some money involved.
JAYLYNN: Dude, cut the bullshit. You're selling it.
RK: You don't know that!
SPARKY: I don't know, RK, this is weird. I thought you were happy just letting people know what the best orange soda is.
RK: I am, man, but this is a business opportunity. Right now, I'm reaching the dumb, deaf, and blind in one city. Pretty soon, I'll be reaching them nationwide.
WADE: Do you even know what Better Beverages is? They make healthy drinks, they're the antithesis of everything you stand for.
RK: Oh, so now, you have a problem with healthier drinks? That's a damn shame, Wade.
WADE: I don't, but this is about you and your beliefs. You can't live to eat with prebiotic soda.
RK: Look, maybe Better Beverages has a bum rap. Their drinks are probably way better than we think.
BUSTER: You could try one for yourself.
Buster passes RK a can of orange soda.
RK: You just happened to have this on you?
BUSTER: I'm thirsty all the time in the summer. If I don't drink, I die. And I would never forgive myself if I died.
WADE: Sure.
RK opens the can and begins drinking, then puts the can down and gulps.
SPARKY: How is it?
RK: This is a war crime. Why are they putting war crimes in people's mouths?
JAYLYNN: I should have bet you guys he would hate it.
RK: What the hell am I gonna do? I already took the meeting, I can't back out now.
WADE: Pretty sure you could cancel it.
RK: No way. If I don't show up to this meeting, Better Beverages will tell every bottling company that I'm unprofessional. Pepsi, Coke, Dr. Pepper, all of them are going to find out and blackball me from the industry. I'll never get out of Seattle.
SPARKY: So, what are you going to do?
RK: I don't know. But I can't let Chill be watered down by some environmentalist granola-eating punks. I have to protect my brand.
BUSTER: I got it. What if you acted really crazy at the meeting? Make a complete fool of yourself, and then they'll be like, "Get this crazy boy out of my office!"
RK: How would that help me not get blackballed?
BUSTER: It wouldn't, but it would be really funny to me.
JAYLYNN: Why wait until the meeting? He can do it for free right now.
RK: Jaylynn, I swear...
JAYLYNN: You swear what?
Beat.
RK: I don't like you.
SCENE 17
The Saleh Apartment
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Lynne looks around the living room as she sits on the couch.
LYNNE: Where is she?
Jaylynn comes through the door holding a cardboard box with part of it cut out.
LYNNE (CONT.): Where have you been? I've been waiting here for twenty minutes.
JAYLYNN: I texted you and said I was running late.
Lynne checks her phone.
LYNNE: Right, you did. Well, you should have called me.
JAYLYNN: When I realized your phone sucks and you might not get the text, I did call you.
Lynne checks her phone again.
LYNNE: How did I miss two calls from you?
JAYLYNN: Because your phone sucks and you need a new one. Okay, time for a story.
LYNNE: Are you telling those weird football stories? Because I've never been into them.
JAYLYNN: It's not even football season.
LYNNE: That doesn't answer my question.
JAYLYNN: Look, you want to know how to make Anja trust you again. Now, we've taught you what it means to apologize, and you don't want to freeze up again when the big moment comes, so here we go.
Jaylynn sets up the box and goes behind it.
LYNNE: Are you doing a magic trick? Because I hate magic, too.
JAYLYNN: Everyone hates magic. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
Jaylynn's arms emerge from the cutout box with RK's puppets, Hot Daddy Puppet Monkey Boy and Saul the Seal.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): *Hot Daddy Puppet Monkey Boy voice* Hey kids! It's puppet time!
Beat.
LYNNE: F*** this shit, I'm out.
JAYLYNN: *Hot Daddy voice* Puppet says sit down or I'll kill Daniel Tiger's family!
Beat. Lynne sits back down.
LYNNE: You monster.
JAYLYNN: *Hot Daddy voice* Yeah, them's the breaks, toots. Now, listen to this story. I'm the...the Monkey Man. I'm a monkey that...does monkey things, and I'm here to tell you in the audience to stop monkeying around! Hoho!
LYNNE: Are you a monkey or Mickey Mouse?
JAYLYNN: *Saul the Seal voice* Hey, Monkey Man, I'm Walrus Man. I'm here to do bad things and no one will step to me because I'm big, I'm bad, and I can live your life and my life at the same damn time. *Hot Daddy voice* At the same damn time? *Saul the Seal voice* At the same damn time!
LYNNE: Why did my life end up like this?
JAYLYNN: *Saul the Seal voice* Those shoes you're wearing, are those Jordans or Adidas? *Hot Daddy voice* Why does that matter? *Saul the Seal voice* Because of this!
Saul the Seal steps on Hot Daddy Puppet Monkey Boy's shoes.
JAYLYNN (CONT.): *Hot Daddy voice* You bitch, you ruined my kicks! How dare you?! *Saul the Seal voice* Do you know who I am? How dare you? *Hot Daddy voice* I know who you are, and I don't care how many muscles you have or how much money you make! You hurt my feelings! You ruined my sneakers, and you need to apologize to me right now! *Saul the Seal voice* Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm dumb as f***. I shouldn't have did that. I need a brain transplant, B.
Beat.
LYNNE: Jaylynn, I love you, but are you trying to kill me?
JAYLYNN: Come on, man. You didn't learn anything from that story?
LYNNE: I learned that the walrus is super rich. What's his story?
JAYLYNN: Look, Lynne, this is serious. Anja holds grudges. If she really feels like you crossed her, she's not going to forget it. You need to make it right.
LYNNE: I just don't think I can.
JAYLYNN: You can. You're her sister. Just take a breath, don't sweat, and tell her straight up that you're wrong. She'll respect you for it.
LYNNE: What if I do that and she still doesn't want to talk to me?
JAYLYNN: Then you deal with it. But you should at least try.
Lynne sighs.
SCENE 18
The Jennings Household
Interior RK's Bedroom
Seattle, Washington
RK paces around his room while Mrs. Tuxedo Pants watches him.
RK: Okay, big meeting tomorrow, big meeting. Lot of suits and ties, really expensive water cooler for no reason at all. What do I do? How do I handle this?
A devil version of RK appears on his left shoulder.
DEVIL RK: Come on, RK. It's easy. Just take the meeting and take the money. Chill will be okay.
RK: Shouldn't you be my angel? Why are you telling me to be a pussy?
DEVIL RK: I'm the devil, obviously. Are you blind? Do you have on Stevie Wonder's glasses?
RK: Did you kill my angel?
DEVIL RK: No. He did.
An overweight, sloppy, older version of devil RK appears on RK's right shoulder. He coughs loudly, then sniffles.
SUPER DEVIL RK: Okay, you bastard, here's what you do. You take the money, you kill everybody in that office, and when the cops try to take away the blicky, you kill them, too.
RK: Why do you sound like you suck on Marlboros for a living?
SUPER DEVIL RK: I'm the super devil, that's why. I'm like this guy, but I'm way sexier. You smoke?
RK: No, I'm in the sixth grade.
SUPER DEVIL RK: Ooh, don't you feel like a big man? "I'm in the sixth grade." Well, whoopty f***ing doo for a cracker like you.
RK: Will someone with a brain please tell me what to do here?!
WADE (V.O.): RK, listen to me for a change.
RK: Wade? Where the hell are you? I'm scared.
WADE (V.O.): I'm your conscience, man. I'm here to help you since these guys can't do it.
RK: But my conscience doesn't have your voice.
WADE (V.O.): I told him to take a break. Listen, you love Chill, you gave birth to an amazing idea. Don't let Better Beverages take it away from you. Come up with a list of reasonable requests, and if they decline, you walk away with your integrity intact.
RK: Amazing. It all makes sense now. Why couldn't you guys come up with that?
DEVIL RK: I'm the devil, dumbass, I'm not Mother Teresa.
SUPER DEVIL RK: If you still want to kill them, you can have my gun. Just make sure there's blood residue on it.
RK: Guys, get off my f***ing shoulders right now.
The two devils disappear immediately.
RK (CONT.): Thanks Wade. You always know what to say.
WADE (V.O.): No problem, buddy. I love you.
RK: I love you, too, pal.
KG clears his throat. RK turns around to see him.
KG: I, um...was going to ask if you wanted toppings on the pizza, but I think you have enough mushrooms, so, I'm just gonna...
KG runs away. RK shrugs.
SCENE 19
The Saleh Household
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
The next morning, Anja locks the front door, and turns around to see Lynne by the steps, in tears.
ANJA: Lynne, what happened? Is everything okay?
LYNNE: No. It's not. I'm sorry, Anja, for being such a horrible sister. I'm late all the time, I hate apologizing, and I take advantage of you. I know I screwed up, but I don't want you to hate me. I'm just really sorry I keep letting you down.
Anja walks up to Lynne and hugs her.
LYNNE: I don't get it.
ANJA: You're not a horrible sister. This is all I wanted. I just wanted you to be sorry for once.
LYNNE: I am. I hope we can be friends again.
ANJA: We're family. That makes us friends for life. Come on, let's go get some breakfast.
LYNNE: You want a ride there? I drove here.
ANJA: That would be great. Thanks.
Lynne opens the passenger's door for Anja, and she walks around the car to the driver's side.
LYNNE: I did it. I showed emotional intelligence.
Beat. Lynne looks at the camera.
LYNNE (CONT.): It's okay, Jaylynn's not here.
The phrase "Emotional intelligence (EI): The ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions" appears on the screen for a third time. Lynne giggles, then claps.
LYNNE (CONT.): Yay.
SCENE 20
Better Beverages Bureau
Interior Lobby
Seattle, Washington
RK and Sparky are shown in suits, ready to check in.
RK: Thanks for coming with me, Sparko. I really needed a partner.
SPARKY: No problem, man. I'm surprised you asked me.
RK: Well, Wade had a date with Adriana, Buster said it was too damn hot today, and I didn't even bother asking Jaylynn.
SPARKY: The beef you two have is never-ending.
RK: No, I just didn't think she would come. Isn't she doing that thing with Lynne?
SPARKY: Oh yeah, she's teaching Lynne about...what?
RK: I think she's teaching her how to read.
SPARKY: How to read? Lynne's in fifth grade, she doesn't know how to read?
RK: There are people way older than us that don't know how to read.
SPARKY: Facts. Alright, let's do this.
SCENE 21
Better Beverages Bureau
Interior Office
Seattle, Washington
RK and Sparky are seated together as the executives murmur amongst themselves.
RK: Okay, Sparks, here it is. At some point during the meeting, I might get passionate. Brazen even, with a hint of violence. If that happens, don't worry about it, it's just me doing my thing.
SPARKY: RK, I'm not only expecting you to do that, I'm counting on it.
RK: Excellent.
HEATHER: Alright, boys, welcome to the meeting. We're glad you were able to make it.
RK: Of course. Chill is an amazing drink, and I'm glad you guys want to be partners.
WAYNE: See, we were thinking that once we buy Chill, we-
RK: Hoho, settle down there, um...name?
WAYNE: I'm Wayne.
RK: Hoho, settle down there, Wayne. I know you guys with your nice clothes and big office have plans for Chill. I get that. But here's the thing. I started selling Chill because I wanted people to have a tasty drink this summer. I wanted to put more eyes on my book, How to Live to Eat.
SPARKY: Very interesting book, I'll say.
RK: Thanks, man. And lastly, I sold Chill because I wanted to prove to my brother I had things going on. If you guys buy Chill, you buy it as is. No watering down, no diet versions, no sugar-free, lack of corn syrup, artificial Splenda nonsense. You buy my product and keep it that way.
HEATHER: Is that it?
RK: Not quite.
SPARKY: He's just warming up.
RK: I'm not even toasty yet. I want to be involved as a consultant, so I know what's happening to my baby. I also want you guys to promote How to Live to Eat on social media, so everybody can be free to achieve their story. And I want company stock for life. Even after I die, I still get a piece of the action. What do you say?
Beat. The executives look at each other in confusion.
SCENE 22
Better Beverages Bureau
Exterior Office
Seattle, Washington
Two security guards escort RK and Sparky from the office, then close the door.
SPARKY: I mean, they could have thought about it a little more.
RK: I know. I could have increased my asking price, but I didn't even do that. I was looking out for them.
SPARKY: I guess Chill's not going nationwide.
RK: I guess not. There's only one thing left to do.
SPARKY: What's that?
RK: Drink up. Warm beverages suck in the summer.
SPARKY: Amen.
RK and Sparky toast bottles of Chill, then start drinking them.
SCENE 23
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
RK and KG watch TV at night. RK still has on his business clothes, but his blazer and tie are gone and the sleeves on his shirt are rolled up.
KG: So, that's it? There's no deal?
RK: Nope. I could have sold out, but I have morals and values. Chill is going to stay local.
KG: Seems like a wasted opportunity.
RK: I don't know why you care. Now, you're guaranteed to have a better summer than me.
KG: Boy, what are you talking about?
RK: When I was on the couch weeks ago, you made me feel like a loser for enjoying my vacation. I didn't want to go back into sales, I was lounging. But I had to prove to you that I could kill it this summer.
KG: I mean, you can do whatever you want, man. I just didn't want you on the couch every day smelling like ass.
RK: And I appreciate that, but look at what you're doing. You have a great job, you're studying, you still have time for comedy. You're an all-around man. Meanwhile, I have nothing except my haircut. I had to find a way to compete with you.
KG: You don't need to compete with me. We can both be great together.
RK: You say that now until I do something amazing. Then you're going to resent me until I die and collect all my money.
KG: I feel like I get what's going on here, but I also don't.
RK: Just forget it.
KG: Look, RK, I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you to do something this summer. Sometimes, I look at all the great things you do, and I forget you're still my baby brother. You have lots of time to do what I'm doing.
RK: Really?
KG: Yeah. You're 12, I'm 15 and three quarters. We're not running the same race. You'll get there.
RK: Thanks, bro. And if I haven't told you, I'm proud of you for being a go-getter.
KG: Who do you think I learned that from? John Cena?
RK: No. 'Cause you can't even see him!
RK and KG start cackling.
RK (CONT.): You meant me, right?
KG: Yes.
RK: Okay, I just wanted the ego boost.
Cut to black.
("Chill" by EPMD plays over the end credits)
POST-CREDITS GAG
The Jennings Household
Interior Kitchen
Seattle, Washington
RK is at the kitchen table eating soup when he abruptly stops.
RK: KG? KG, get in here, this is crazy!
KG runs into the kitchen.
KG: Dude, what is it?
RK: There's a weird message in my alphabet soup.
KG: Let me see that.
KG looks inside RK's bowl.
KG (CONT.): Why are there numbers?
RK: I don't even know what this means.
("Oodles of O's" by De La Soul plays in the background)
INSERT: The message in RK's soup reads "SEPTEMBER 28."
Cut back to RK and KG, who look at each other, then at the camera in confusion. The screen cuts to black as "Oodles of O's" continues playing. A caption appears that reads: "See you in 96 days." Fade out.
©2024 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS
TWELVE YEARS LATER, THE SHOW GOES ON