Chapter 5

On the Stargazer - 2353

Saal and Jack put a container full of material roughly the same composition and mass as a human body on the transporter. It was the science team's latest attempt in the two months since Beverly Crusher's arrival on the Stargazer to create a breach in space and time big enough to send a person through. Each test had failed, but had yielded enough positive results not to give up hope.

The Vulcan heard the lab door open and looked back behind her to see Captain Picard and Dr. Crusher enter. Her reaction to seeing the two humans together was only visible in the subdued usual Vulcan lift of an eyebrow. Dr. Crusher's presence on board was now common knowledge, thus the captain had given her free reign of the ship. Saal had noted the doctor spent more time with the Captain than she did her husband. Understandable perhaps;after all, Jack Crusher already had a young wife stationed with their son at Starbase 32, and Dr. Crusher's current husband was Jean-Luc Picard. Saal could see the two older officer's rank, age and experience made the couple logically more suited to each other, and as such their closeness seemed normal to her. What was illogical though, was subjecting the doctor to another failure. While Saal knew this test was a step closer to their eventual goal, she also knew it would come short of the real target of figuring out how to safely send Dr. Crusher back to her own time.

Beverly and Jean-Luc walked into the lab and stood in the corner – shoulders touching. Picard looked at the woman beside him. He had tried to convince her to not attend this test, telling her he feared of her being disappointed yet again. The truth be told, he feared more for himself, feared the test would be successful and he would be closer to losing her.

While Jack's Beverly had mesmerized him, this mature Beverly had him completely captivated. The barriers that had stood in between them - her being his best friend's wife and her youth – now gone, had only serve to make her even more irresistible. That she had a husband back on the Enterprise waiting for her could be rationalized in his mind as being inconsequential. After all, were they not the same man?

"Should we go ahead Captain?"

Jack's question brought him out of his reverie. With a nod of his head gave the go ahead to start. The two science officers slowly turned on the controls of the reconfigured transporters. The test matter disappeared for a few seconds only to reappear in a jumbled mess.

Picard walked over to Jack: "What happened here Jack? I thought you said this test should work?"

The younger studying the read-outs waited a few seconds before looking up and answering:

"Well Johnny… it did succeed, but only for a few seconds. After that, the breach in space-time became unstable and effectively destroyed the test matter."

"Is that not the same thing that happened last time?" asked Picard.

Saal came over: "Yes Captain. We had thought we had solved the instability of the signal, but it seems we failed again."

"But we did maintain it a little bit longer than last time." added Jack.

"Long enough to send her back?" asked Jean-Luc

Saal and Jack looked at each other. Saal answered.

"We are barely able to open a breach long enough to send the equivalent mass of a human body Sir, and even at that, we can barely keep it stable, never mind a shuttle. With more work we may be able to send Dr. Crusher back with an EV suit, or maybe an escape pod, but even that is probably out of reach for us."

Beverly was out the door before Jean-Luc ever had the chance to move. His first instinct was to go after her, to offer whatever form of comfort she needed, and he nearly did, until duty took over. He turned back to Jack

Jack lifted worried eyes to his Captain: "I don't see how we can do any better Johnny. We may never be able to send the whole shuttle back – just her in an EV suit with a few hours of life support."

Jean-Luc pensively nodded. "Well keep trying. I'm not ready to gamble her life on this slim chance."

As Picard turned to leave, on his way to go to Beverly, he was stopped by Jack.

"I know Beverly Johnny. Let her think about this for a while."

Again it was the jealousy that came out of nowhere that surprised Jean-Luc. How dare Jack think he knows so much about this Beverly….? This woman's husband is Jean-Luc Picard, not Jack Crusher. Then another reality hit Jean-Luc. When had he given full liberties to his feelings towards Beverly? For years, he had been able to keep them in check, and yet in a few weeks, all his defenses had crumbled and he no longer could control the love he felt for this woman.

Then his common sense took over. The closeness he had developed with her was new. Despite a distance of twenty years, Jack probably still knew more how Beverly would react than Jean-Luc did.

Picard forced a small smile and responded: "Yes. Of course…"

Several hours later the doors to his ready room opened to reveal Jack. The younger man went to the desk where he knew awaited a bottle of scotch and poured both officers a glass each. He handed one to Jean-Luc.

"It is not your decision to make Johnny."

Jean-Luc absently turned his glass looking at the liquid in it, stubbornly refusing to look Jack in the face. He did not need to have Jack explain what he meant. He knew it already.

"It is my decision Jack. I am the captain of this ship"

"But Beverly is not one of your crew members. This is her life. She's the one who gets to decide whether the risk is too great. Not you."

Then Jack, his friend of many years who probably knew him better than anybody else, hit the nail right on the spot.

"Are you thinking of you here Johnny or of her? If she doesn't go back, what happens? She stays here, in our time? Not with me. She's not married to me now remember? And why would she stay with me. I already have a wife, right?

Jack walked over to Jean-Luc, put a hand on his shoulder and turned the older man around to face him.

"She's stuck in this timeline and pregnant with a baby whose father is Jean-Luc Picard….." Jack's tone turned gentle…. " and you've been in love with her for years. It's pretty easy to figure out what that head of yours is thinking right now."

Jean-Luc had foolishly believed for years that Jack had never noticed the feelings he carried for his wife. Now it seems the only person he had been fooling was himself.

"You know?"

Jack smiled at his old friend: "Pretty well from the beginning. "

"Jack…. I would never…"

"I know Johnny. I know."

Jack knew his friend well. Jean-Luc Picard was the kind of officer everybody aimed to imitate: strategic, ambitious and more importantly: honourable . That Jean-Luc had loved his wife for years in silence while witnessing Jack and Beverly's happiness was not surprising. Picard was not the kind of man who would even consider his own needs and interests over those of his friend. But no man is perfect, and after years of loving Beverly in silence, here was a chance to have her in his life and Jean-Luc was only human; he could be nothing else but tempted.

Jean-Luc drank his glass in one shot while running his hand over his head: "I need another drink."

"Yeah… man…. So do I." Answered Jack laughingly.

The moment served to lower the tension between the two friends.

Jean-Luc leaned back in his chair and took a sip of his drink: "So what do you think Jack."

"I already told you. I think you have to let her decide." Answered Crusher.

Jean-Luc leaned forward holding his drink with both hands: "I can't risk it Jack. I can't risk sending her to her death. I can't risk losing her. With your Beverly it's easier to keep my distance. She's married to you and that's all there is. But this Beverly….."

Jack finished for him: "This Beverly is not out of bounds….Jack paused and put his hand on Jean-Luc's shoulder for emphasis: "But she is. She has a husband back there Johnny."

Jean-Luc lifted anguished eyes up to Jack: "Yes. I know. But try returning her to him at the cost of her and her child's life? I don't think I will change that much over the next twenty years to want my wife to risk her life to return to me. The me of the future won't want that either."

"Again, not for you to decide Johnny…. But should she decide to stay, you'll have an even bigger decision to make."

Jack waited patiently for Jean-Luc to bite: "What decision?" asked the captain.

"If she stays… what will she be to you? It will be more than just the few romps in the bedroom like you have with other women Johnny. She's going to give birth in a few months. Are you ready to be a husband? A father?"

Jean-Luc looked at Crusher. Sometimes he wondered how he had developed such a strange friendship. Jack was many years younger than him, not a contemporary like Walker. But despite that, for many years now, they'd been friends, good friends. How had such an unlikely friendship evolved? Perhaps because behind the front of happy go lucky guy Jack cultivated, stood a wise beyond his years young man? Why else would their friendship survive? It was not the first time Jean-Luc had observed this quiet maturity in his young friend. The way Jack had successfully negotiated a long distance marriage and fatherhood stood also as testimony of the younger man's wisdom.

Jack stood up and poured another drink for Jean-Luc:

"I'll let you ponder all of this alone Jean-Luc. Just one word of advice: be sure of yourself before you do anything."

"Wise words" replied Jean-Luc. "Did I not tell you the same thing when you were deciding whether or not to ask Beverly to marry you."

"Yes, Jean-Luc. They were wise words then just as they are now."

Wise words Jean-Luc promptly forgot to follow when later on that same night, Jean-Luc heard a knock on his door.

This late at night… it could only be her.

"Come."

She walked in, looked longingly at the bottle on the table: "Real stuff I imagine?"

At Jean-Luc's affirmative, Beverly went over to the replicator and ordered a fruit drink. She walked around the room twice – testimony to her troubled state of mind – before finally stopping by the window. She leaned against the wall and looked outside at the emptiness of space.

"Remind me again how long an EV suit pack can last in 2353."

Jean-Luc had never experienced the cold of space but the question elicited a chill so cold to him that equating it to the cold of space seemed fitting. He could not imagine she would be seriously considering it. He attempted to keep his worry out of his voice as he answered.

"If you remain calm and don't panic, about two hours. Maybe a bit more."

"So maybe you are successful in sending me back, but if nobody shows up in two hours, I'm dead."

"And the baby."

Jean-Luc knew he should have stayed silent, knew Beverly was well aware she would be risking not only her life, but also that of her unborn child.

Beverly turned back angrily to him: "I know that Jean-Luc."

She turned back to the porthole, giving him her back again, and after not having spoken for several moments, Jean-Luc got up and went to her. He turned her to see silent tears coming down her cheeks. He slowly took her in his arms and held her. Beverly started crying even more. Jean-Luc pulled her closer, trying to take the hurt and pain away from her. She eventually stopped crying and lifted her head from his shoulder to look at him. Jean-Luc gently wiped away the tears from her eyes, his thumb softly caressing her lips. Soon it was his lips who were caressing hers.

Neither knew how they both allowed it to happen, but yet it did.