One month later. One long month, and Nathan has not returned.

"Go ahead, leave forever! I don't care anymore. If you want to break uncle Nathan's heart, how can I stop you?" Allie shrieks, turning her heels and bolting in the opposite direction.

"Allie, wait!" Calling after her is futile, but I try again regardless. "That isn't what I said or meant!"

I had finally determined to tell her the truth about her uncle and I two minutes ago, and now she is galloping through the fields. I notice her halt momentarily before meeting up with Kendra. They have become inseparable lately, and now they are both running away from me. Brilliant.

With a huff, I carefully walk into town, cane in hand. I am able to walk without pain. At least for the most part. I keep it with me for more emotional stability these days. Sometimes I am so tired, I want to collapse. I have seen Carson about it. He has said it is in my heart, not in my body where I am suffering, and that my burns are healing more than nicely. My arms and hands are not exactly attractive anymore, but at least I am alive. The cane has become a sort of companion. I decide to take a turn around the pond, maybe a small walk will clear my head. When I reach the water, the memory of dancing with Lucas flashes into my mind like a journalist's camera. Abrupt and cantankerous. Old and ancient experiences are disturbed and ruffled in a bad way. I envy Elizabeth. I still wonder what other woman Lucas had been in love with before her. Elizabeth is my friend, but the past hurt still stings. I don't believe it is because of Lucas himself, but rather the fact that they both are able to be with one another. It bothers me.

I have never missed a human being more than I miss Nathan right at this moment. My heart threatens to stop beating, but the little thrum that remains brings me hope that he is still out there. Safe, the farthest distance from my brother. A fresh cord of hope wraps around my heart, and I will fight to keep it for as long as possible. I am startled by a figure I did not notice standing there before. I blush at the probably very determined look on my face prior to the knowledge of their presence.

"Clara? What are you doing here?" I ask her with wide, innocent eyes.

She sighs, staring at the tranquil water alongside me. "Jesse and I had a small argument. I know it will be resolved by this evening. It was stupid actually." A rowdy duck splashes against the surface of the water, it's wings shifting a torrent sprinkles into our faces. Clara laughs, her hand blocking her face from the duck's crash landing into the water.

When the funny duck wiggles it's tail and swims peacefully away, it is then I ask her, "What made it such a stupid argument?"

She laughs again, tossing pebbles into the water. "It doesn't matter anymore. I have forgiven him already. I just needed a moment to myself before I talk to him again."

"Oh, I can leave if you want."

"No, it's alright. I am delighted to see my friend again. I have missed you so much." Hearing my silence, she continues, "You know, we all go through life expecting it to be easy. I knew being married to Jesse would be hard sometimes. That we would argue and disagree with eachother. Not every day, of course."

My gut swims around with a sense that she is fishing forba certain mind if conversation. "May I ask why you are telling me this?"

"I may have run into Allie, earlier," she responds, eyes cast down, half embarrassed and bracing herself for my anger.

I purse my lips, waiting for a lecture about my need to be leaving town, but it doesn't come. Instead, she tosses four more pebbles into the water. I'm the one who breaks the silence this time. "What is your point?" Frustration is heard in my tone, but she doesn't seem to notice. This annoys me about people sometimes. When I want to be firey, sometimes they douse the flames with their kind behavior. It is annoying...but it works. I feel guilty as soon as I react that way and apologiz. "I'm sorry."

She sighs, and then attempts to smile at me in spite of my attitude. "My point is that I married the man I love. Love is not convenient. It isn't in the splendor we feel in that person's presence. Love requires a choice. To love even when imperfections arise and become evident. And it requires a choice of risk. To choose to love even when you feel like it is not a possibility. I'm not saying the choice you made is wrong, but I highly recommend you remember what love does. It sacrifices, and moves forward into the unknown, and it keeps persevering even when some things are known. Some hard things. I'm not sure why you have rejected Nathan, but if it is because you are afraid of being loved, what are you going to do now?"

I'm afraid of being loved...I don't think I have ever come across this thought in my mind before. I was always desiring to be loved and accepted, and fully craving it. I never thought I might actually be afraid of it becoming real. Is that the true reason I told him "no"?

"I'm not sure that is..."

"I know you pretty well. We have giggled and cried over so many things since you have come here. And a common theme with you is that you need to be loved, but you get emotional when someone tries to do it." Clara swallows hard a moment, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue. "I just want to encourage you to belive us when we say that we care about you. And Nathan loves you."

"How do you know that? How do I know he won't be like everyone else?"

"What?"

"I feel..." stirring beneath a porcelain mask, is a typhoon of fear. " I feel like it's too good to be true. That the one time I decide to be at rest and accept it, it will vanish."

Clara scoffs slightly, astonished I would declare such a thing and she steps closer with expressing hand gestures. She is frightening. I cross my arms, attempting to bring myself some comfort from the uncomfortable conversation I'm in.

"Nathan loves you...fiercely! You should have seen his face when he carried you out from that burning house! He was shaking from pure terror that he would lose you! I had never seen him cry until that night."

My head shoots up. "He...he cried?" I scour every inch of my brain to find any recollection of Nate having carried me out of the smoke and the fire. I don't remember anything. But now I have an even better reason to leave town. Either Jude will change, or I'm gonna hunt him down like a ravenous bloodhound until he is in jail. My chest has ignited with the most majestic fire, and this time I'm not afraid of it. I need to fight for Nathan. My family is not going to belong to my brother. When I marry Nathan, and when our child is born, he cannot have it.

The next morning, I try to talk with Allie, but she refuses to listen or acknowledge me. I stuff a few foods covered in cheesecloth into a saddlebag, Elizabeth leans back in a acorn wood rocker, cuddling with Jack in the corner of the room. Lee and Rosemary are helping me gather my things.

"You are very brave, Nyrah."Lee hands me a handful of bandages. "But I still don't think this is a good idea. At least let me come with you. Nathan could come home any day now."

I sigh, not upset, just sobered from everything that has happened. I stare at him hard, wondering how I came to be loved by such genuine friends. That is all I ever really wanted growing up. "This isn't merely about Nathan." Footsteps sound on the stairs, and I internally choke, remembering the little girl who no longer has a mother. Because of me. But I finish my thoughts anyway, not looking Kendra in the eyes. "No matter what has happened, and no matter why he has done all of this, and no matter how much I hate him, Jude is still my brother. He's the only family I have. I need to try and reach him somehow."

"Always the fighter, now the peacemaker." Lee chuckles, and Rosemary hugs me tight.

"Not exactly. I've just realized that running from pain only makes things worse. I know I'm in for more of it if I find them. But I feel like it's worth it." Tears brim in my eyes as I hug Lee next. The tiny house seems so full with all of us here now. Elizabeth's left arm slides around me lovingly.

"Elizabeth..." I frown in contemplation of what I'm gonna say next. I'm cornered and useless right now. I am delighted Jack has been found, but angry it was my brother who took him.

"Don't say a word. It is not your fault. None of it." Her brown hair tickles my nose as I bury my face in the crook of her shoulder, slurping back in the snot attempting to drip from my nose. Little Jack pats my head, clearly not ready for a nap at all even after his mother tried to rock him to sleep. I kiss his cheek and swiftly carry my bags out the door. Everyone follows. Tying my bedroll and bags down, I double check the cinch before mounting Nelly, the horse that Lucas borrowed to me.

I'm aware that a pursuit can last for months, and this chase to find my brother has already taken a month of time, but I cannot sit here idly. It is a miracle that any of the men are allowing me to go at all. I suppose I did forcefully refuse their assistance.

I gaze at their faces one more time and nod a goodbye to Kendra.

"Wait!" Rosemary shouts. "Lee, we still have to give her something."

"Oh, yes." Lee shuffles into the house and momentarily emerges back outside with a holster in hand. "Just in case. Remember what I taught you about how to use it."

I receive it thankfully, and store it in a small sack with my clothes filling its belly. "I appreciate all of you."

With a click, I nudge the horse forward, and I set out on a journey. A temporary mounty is stationed here until Nathan gets back. I heard talk of an investigation that might happen soon concerning the day Nate was shot. Just like it did in the show. I wonder what will transpire now that things happened a little differently. I see the mounty on his own horse talking to Jesse and Clara. The Mounty made a few calls for me. No one has heard from Nate or Bill since they left.

Trotting down the path, I study the ruins of what used to be three row houses. My neighbors, thankfully, made it out in time. The frail skeleton of an indistinguishable home remains, black with the pungent odor of ash. I slow the horse to a walk and stare at the mound of debris, unhappy memories budding in my mind, before I catch sight of something poking out from beneath the tent of half a dining chair. A book. How such a thing survived I'll never know. With great care, I navigate the unstable foundations of the scorched house, the kitchen now wide and open to all the elements. My gloves slip onto my hands like butter before I pick up the book and brush away the soot and snowy substances coating it's cover.

"The Code of Author's: Blood and Honor." The strange lettering make sense somehow, and my piqued curiosity moves me to lift the hardback cover gently. "Only Authors have the ability to read the words contained in this book."

What does that mean? Surely it does not imply that I am an author. I hear movement behind me, and the mounty approaches in the distance. I subtly climb out of the ruins and slip the book beneath a clump of blankets. It isn't a massive thing, so it should be safe there until I decide to read it later. I mount Nelly once again, the black horse with white spots, unsure as to why this man has decided to speak to me today of all days. The day I've decided to leave.

I meet him half-way, anxious to get it over with. "Constable." I nod once in greeting. "How are you today?"

"Not very well if the rumors I've heard are true. Your best friend and her husband finally let me in on the big secret." His piercing green eyes and narrow nose crinkle with amusement, yet remain serious at the same time. I marvel at that accomplishment.

"Jesse and Clara..." I muse in a hush, before settling my words onto a response. "I know there are better people are suited to go and find them, and I know that Constable Grant and Mr. Avery are very capable men. But this isn't about them this time. This is about Jude Wesley." My tone remains even, but I challenge him to not let me leave this town in any other way possible with my face.

"I spoke to Nathan before he left. He told me to never let you travel outside of Hope Valley under any circumstance." I roll my eyes at his words. Of course Nate would tell him that. He adds, "And he also said that if you should rebell and insist on your way, then I am to accompany you. So, here I am."

"He knows me so well, doesn't he?" I turn Nelly in the oposite direction, "Come along then."

"You are going to comply with those terms, ma'am?" His horse matches in step with Nelly, and we trot toward the edge of a mountain.

I sigh, weariness wrapping around my shoulders like a quilt."Mr. Travis, I know Nathan very well. I fought till the last with everyone else in town. I have no more strength left to defy you or him as well. Even Nathan's neice is angry with me for leaving."

Constable Travis smiles, "I see."

"What?" I squint at him.

"Nothing...only just that you seem more prickly than Grant had described."

I roll my eyes, then return my focus back on the trail ahead. A large branch appears in my sight, and I guide the horse around in order to avoid it. I answer simply, "I've been through a lot lately, so I'm sorry if I am not as friendly as I normally would be. It isn't personal."

Travis dives his head under a low-hanging cluster of leaves. "Ah, don't worry about it...I heard about the fire. I'm sorry that it happened." He spares a glimpse at my scarred hands, and adds, "Truly."

We ride on in silence for a group of seconds before he asks, "Did not Grant and Avery travel toward the south?"

"So?"

"We are going north. The opposite direction. Don't you know the difference between north and south?"

My nose flares, poisonous words sharpening themselves in my throat. "What?" I grapple for the map, frustrated and embarrassed that I appear to be ignorant of what I'm doing. I guide my finger across its wrinkled surface before grunting from the bruising of my pride. He's right. I'm angry now, so I say the first thing that pops into my mind. "Those words mean absolutely nothing to me." I glare white-hot arrows at him, frustrated at myself more than his attempt to help me and I quickly correct our direction. This is going to be the longest trip I have ever experienced if I have to do it with him.