Clexa's first actual talk. Octavia confides in a friend.
So now we take a little breath with this "just chilling" chapter. Don't forget to tell me what you think :D
Lexa anxiously awaits for Clarke's arrival at any moment. Indra had promised after two days she would be able to see the blonde, and well forty eight hours have never passed so slowly for Lexa. It's almost lunch time and the woman still hasn't made an appearance; Lexa is getting restless.
Minutes later there's a soft knock on the door.
"Come in!" Lexa calls out nervously; watching with anticipation for the door to open.
"Hey."
"Ah, Esiry," Lexa's face falls after noticing the girl at the entrance.
"Woah don't look so happy to see me." Esiry the only nightblood among the young warriors, chuckles.
"Um, sorry." Lexa apologizes ashamed "I was just… expecting someone else." She tries to sound casual.
"It's OK." Esiry closes the door behind her and takes a few a steps inside. "How are you feeling?"
"Well…" Lexa shifts rearranging her body. "Like the general beat the shit out of me."
The girls stare at each other before bursting into laughter.
"No seriously," Esiry says already settling down, "what was that all about? The general wasn't at the training session today. People are worried, they are wondering what's going on."
"She didn't?" When Lexa receives an affirmation she makes a mental note to ask Clarke about Octavia. Then she responds calmly. "She had a bad day and I happened to be in the way, that's all," Lexa justifies with a shrug.
Esiry walks over to the end of the bed. "There are rumors floating around about it, you know?" The question comes across with a hint of intrigue.
"I know." Lexa exhales very aware –and tired- of those rumors.
"Hmm" Esiry narrows her eyes, mulling over something in her mind.
Lexa observes her curiously.
Coming to a decision Esiry, sits down in a chair next to Lexa's bed. "Lexa." She leans in to be as close to Lexa as possible and whispers into her ear softly as if it is a secret "is it true?"
Lexa is taken aback by the question; she wasn't expecting Esiry to be so forward about the subject. She takes into consideration the good nature of this girl; her honesty, her discipline and her humbleness despite being a nightblood. Lexa concludes Esiry can be trusted. She eyes the girl solemnly and replies with a firm assertion "yes."
Esiry's mouth opens in shock "are you serious?" She asks for confirmation "cause if you're joking Lexa I…"
Lexa nods in such a self-assured way that it left no room for doubt; and it shows.
"You… you are the previous commander; Lexa of the woods clan? … no way!" Esiry lets out staring at Lexa in awe.
The high pitched sound Esiry emits next has Lexa cringing, but she waits patiently for the girl to come down from her astonishment.
"This is so cool!" Esiry comments with excitement "but… how did it happen?"
"I have no idea, it just did." It's the only answer Lexa can offer.
"Oh" Esiry gets lost in thought for a few seconds "wait, do you think it is a nightblood thing?"
It gets Lexa thinking; she never really considered that one. She had firmly believed that she had been the reincarnation of Becca, the first commander, in her previous life; but now she was just a regular person with red blood flowing through her veins and had thought there was no connection anymore. So she shares exactly what's on her mind, "It never occurred to me."
"What if because we were supposed to carry on the responsibility of leading our people and potentially dying at the Conclave, we nightbloods, were given a second chance as everyone else to be free to live a normal life?" Esiry states her theory fervently.
"Um… could be," Lexa doesn't really know but the idea sounds definitely interesting. Thoughts of Aden and the other young nightbloods under her care inevitably cross her mind 'maybe' she wishes in silence. Luckily her companion's enthusiasm doesn't allow her to dwell too much on it.
"That means I could come back just like you. Well, I don't have the burden of dying trying to become the commander anymore thanks to Wanheda, but wouldn't it be cool?" Esiry shakes Lexa's leg.
"Yeah!" Lexa replies letting her imagination flow, "and you could make your grand entrance at the Young Warrior's competition!"
"Yes!" Esiry chirps taking Lexa's hand, "and if you're still alive I would look for you, so I can say 'I told you I would be back!"
"Please do that!" Lexa agrees, clasping Esiry's fingers "and maybe we could create a club for re-reincarnated former nightbloods!"
They both giggle, leaning toward each other conspiratorially.
The door opens suddenly.
Clarke, who entered the room in a rush, freezes at the vision of the girls. She takes in the proximity of the two of them and their joined hands; an uncomfortable feeling settles into her gut instantly. "Uh, sorry I didn't mean to…" she utters automatically, ready to back away.
"Commander!" Esiry rises at once.
"No Clarke, please" Lexa calls out, this time she avoids moving from her sitting position.
The begging tone in Lexa's voice makes Clarke stop dead in her tracks; she lifts her head, searching Lexa's face.
"I've been waiting for you," Lexa supplies softly.
Both of them immerse in a deep gaze.
Esiry stands still, switching glances from Clarke to Lexa, Lexa to Clarke until something deep down inside of her clicks, "oh wow uh…" she panics looking briefly at Lexa "I have to um… lunch" Esiry awkwardly walks to the exit.
Clarke moves to the side to let the girl pass.
"Wanheda," Esiry bows before crossing the threshold.
"Esiry" Clarke has to stop herself from the scowling that she instinctively wants to direct at the girl.
Esiry closes the door, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone.
All of a sudden the room is filled with tension.
Before the silence becomes uncomfortable Clarke begins "Um…how are you?" She walks timidly toward Lexa's bed.
"I'm good; well no, actually I'm great now that you're here," Lexa grins flirtatiously.
Clarke looks down blushing.
The ice has been broken.
Less insecure, Clarke sits in the chair vacated by Esiry. She observes Lexa for a few seconds.
Lexa allows the quiet admiration with ease.
Then Clarke chuckles.
"What?" Lexa smiles.
"I'm sorry this is…" Clarke shakes her head "surreal" she completes; and adds "I still can't… it seems like…" she chuckles again unable to find the words to describe what she's feeling.
"I know Clarke." Lexa looks at Clarke with empathy; straight into her eyes.
And there, in those green orbs, Clarke can see without a doubt this teenage girl is Lexa; as ludicrous as it may seem, she is Lexa –her Lexa. 'Back off Clarke, she's not yours.' Clearing her throat Clarke attempts to dismiss certain inopportune thoughts, instead focusing on starting a real conversation. "The doctor said you're healing pretty well; with the medication and rest you should be fine."
"Good!" Lexa exclaims, "cause being able to walk only to the bathroom has gotten boring."
"Well you'll be under observation for a week; after that we'll see." Clarke lets her know by glaring at her that leaving the room was not an option and there was no point arguing about it.
"Ugh fine!" Lexa rolls her eyes displeased, crossing her arms.
With Lexa's little tantrum, Clarke has to suppress a smile; she can't believe this girl could be so different yet, almost the same as the Lexa she had known.
"Oh by the way," Lexa remembers something. "Esiry told me Octavia didn't show up for the session today; what happened?" Lexa didn't want to speculate so she probes casually.
Clarke's face hardens hearing the name of the general. "She was sent to Arkadia, and will remain there for an established period of time," she mouths making her dislike evident.
"Is it because of the duel?" Lexa disputes "It was just a misunderstanding Clarke, you shouldn't… "
"That was not a duel, she attacked you!" Clarke interjects elevating her voice, "her actions were unacceptable regardless if it was you or another warrior. She got exactly what she deserved, if not less." She takes a deep breath to help herself not to lose her cool. "Now I would much appreciate it if you don't question my decisions in the future; understood?"
Lexa squirms in place, not exactly in fear, "yes Wanheda" she replies submissively, finding it very arousing this imposing side of Clarke.
"I'm sorry I…" Clarke runs a hand through her hair wincing at how she sounded, "I just… you don't have to call me that… please don't call me that."
Still a little turned on, Lexa only manages to move her head in acknowledgment but doesn't say anything.
The tension in the room returns and Clarke feels guilty for causing it. She finds it ridiculous how easy it was to get back to that place where she and Lexa had authority issues. 'Being the commander does give you some kind of instinctive stubbornness after all.' Not wanting to ruin the moment she continues the exchange.
"So, you don't really know how it happened huh?" She questions tentatively, sure that Lexa will know what she's referring to.
And Lexa does. "Yeah I just … I just knew that's all."
"OK" Clarke nods pensively. She needs to know more "and do you like, remember… everything?"
Lexa considers it for a second before answering "Almost all; some memories are blurry or somewhat incomplete but in general I remember almost everything," she supplies. Then her tone changes to one of teasing, "but among all those memories, there's one that particularly stands out" she finishes with a tiny lopsided grin on her face.
It's inevitable; the images invade Clarke's mind like a movie replaying in front of her eyes. Lexa naked underneath her, moaning in pleasure at the ministrations she is providing; whispering words in trigedasleng before Lexa crashes into the abyss scratching her back.
"OK!" Clarke stands up abruptly blinking the images away "it's getting late, I gotta…"
"You're leaving already?" Lexa pronounces with dread "don't go please."
"Oh no, no," Clarke hurries to clarify. "I'll just tell the guards to let the kitchen know they can bring the food now."
"Oh, OK." Lexa relaxes a bit, "and… you're gonna eat with me?" She tries her luck.
Clarke can't help but grin at that "of course."
…
Bellamy is getting ready to go back to work after a delightful lunch with his family when there's a knock on his door. He opens it, intrigued as to who could be there at this hour. "O!" He lets out surprised, immediately embracing his sister.
"Yeah, yeah" Octavia gives Bellamy a quick hug and goes inside the cottage.
"What are you doing here?" He asks keeping to himself the 'we were not expecting you until next week' comment.
"Forced vacation" Octavia shrugs dismissively.
"Forced vacation? But…"
"Octavia!" Myrreh, Bellamy's wife, enters the living room carrying a toddler in her arms.
"Hey Myr." Octavia approaches the woman embracing her as well as she can with the bundle in the middle. "Max," she kisses the boy's forehead.
Maximus squeals recognizing his aunt.
"Aunty Octavia!" A four year old girl runs and jumps into Octavia's arms.
"Oh here's my favorite warrior!" Octavia carries little Aurora easily.
"Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat" Myrreh offers willingly.
"Yeah sounds good; but first" she puts the girl down "go grab your sword and your brother's; we are going sparring, my future general, OK?"
Aurora screeches, running to her bedroom; coming back seconds later with two small wooden swords Octavia got for them in Polis. "Here!" She shows the objects proudly to her aunt.
"Excellent, warrior!" Octavia praises, "Now…" she takes Maximus from her sister in-law's hands, "if you excuse us we are going out to do some training. We'll see ya in a bit," with that she walks outside, pushing gently on her niece's back with one hand and with the other carrying her nephew.
The couple watches them leave.
"Something is wrong with her; I better go talk to her." Bellamy makes a move but his wife grabs him by the arm.
"Not now Bell" Myrreh states, "let her play with the kids and forget whatever is troubling her. If she wants to talk, she'll talk."
Bellamy's shoulders sag feeling powerless, "OK" he concedes reluctantly; his mind still wondering if it's only because of Lincoln that Octavia is there or something else.
…
As it turns out, just like Indra had informed her, Lexa has quite the appetite. Clarke watches fascinated by how Lexa chows down on her food with gusto; beaming occasionally in her direction. Clarke's heart soars with affection realizing Lexa is now a happy girl, nothing at all like the somber commander with sad eyes that she used to be. "Tell me about your family," the words escape her mouth before she can stop them.
Lexa's eyes shine with joy, "Oh my family!" She puts down the plate that was in her hand before excitedly starting, "well you met them already; I live with mom, dad and Adam, he's turning six this year."
"Adam?" Clarke questions with a brow lifted; the name sounding similar to another she knew.
"Yeah" Lexa looks down, "they let me name him; and I thought it would be nice if…" she trails off with melancholy.
"That's really nice actually." Clarke puts a hand on Lexa's reassuringly.
Having Clarke's hand on hers, really comforts Lexa so she continues "um dad works in construction and mom makes clothes; they are very hard working and loving," she sighs deeply in recollection. "I don't remember my parents from my previous life you know? I was taken really young from my village to train and …" her voice trembles. "I couldn't have asked for better parents in this life."
Lexa's admission makes Clarke feel emotional herself, "you deserve it" she assures giving a light squeeze to Lexa's hand "don't you ever doubt it."
"OK" Lexa nods rapidly trying to change the mood, "and what about your family? Your life at the ark?"
That's when Clarke realizes just how little they know about each other.
They never really had the time to talk, like they are doing now; they had more important things to worry about. Everything went by so fast around them in the past; from how they met until the moment they had no other choice than to succumb to their feelings.
It is beyond Clarke how all that happened in such a short amount of time; and how she lost it all just as fast, but now life was giving her another chance. She's not sure who to thank or what she did to deserve something like this but the love of her life is back and she'll make sure every minute together counts; she wants to know every single detail of Lexa's previous life and the current one and to share her own tumultuous life events with her . 'There's still time.'
…
Sitting in front of a small campfire –next to the hut Bellamy built for her- Octavia reminisces about the incident that brought her back to Arkadia. She holds a cup in her hands, sipping its contents slowly, looking around.
Everybody had tried to persuade her to let go of that tiny space that she had claimed for herself; a place that holds nothing but horrible memories. They said it wasn't healthy, that she was just torturing herself; but she stubbornly refused to give it up, insisting it makes her feel closer to Lincoln. Octavia knows there are other things and places that could easily remind her of him but for some reason she just can't dismiss this area. Sometimes she even questions her own sanity and why she does this to herself.
Light steps can be heard approaching.
"Hey" Raven greets standing not too far from the campfire.
"Ray-ray!" Octavia welcomes, beckoning her friend to sit with her.
Raven gladly accepts the invitation. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" She puts her arm around Octavia.
"I was gonna do it… tomorrow," Octavia replies finishing the last of her drink.
"Well, too bad I found you first." Raven shakes Octavia jokingly and adds, "What brought you here earlier than planned; I mean we weren't expecting you till next week," she openly addresses what Bellamy didn't dare to.
"Forced vacation." Octavia repeats the same excuse she told her brother; filling another cup with alcohol.
"I see," Raven nods; she waits for Octavia to finish filling the cup and takes it away from her, sipping from it immediately. She shudders at the taste of the liquor and then comments "so are you gonna tell me why you're really here or do I have to get you drunk for you to spill it? You know I'll get it out of you one way or another," Raven shrugs in her typical confident way.
Octavia groans rolling her eyes. She grabs the bottle and drinks directly from it; she exhales loudly and deeply before throwing a question at her, "have you heard the rumors?"
Raven snorts "who hasn't!" She throws up her hand as if displaying a headline "Commander Lexa came back from the dead, reincarnated in a sixteen year-old girl," she chuckles to herself.
Octavia lets out a long sigh. "Well it's true."
At that Raven laughs out loud "right!" But when Octavia doesn't join her in the chortle she turns to the side, staring at her friend, who is portraying a dead serious expression.
"Get outa here!" Raven exclaims astonished receiving only silence, "no fucking way man, you gotta be kidding me; please tell me you're kidding."
Octavia takes another swig from the bottle. "Nope."
"Shit… shit, shit, shit!" Raven doesn't know what to think "but how, when…"
"Dunno. Wanna hear the best part?" Octavia snorts, "I beat the crap out of her."
"You what?!" Raven feels like her mind is going to explode, "why the fuck would you do that!"
"Cause I'm an idiot, that's why." The first traces of regret can be heard in Octavia's words.
"Oh my God! That's why you're here! Clarke found out and…"
"Yup."
"Octavia!" Raven punches her friend on the arm, "how is it that you're still alive!"
"I have to thank that to Indra I suppose." Octavia hesitates for a second but adds either way "she was about to put a bullet in my head you know?"
Raven's neck cranes at this, her eyes bugging out.
"At least she thought about it, I can tell you that." Octavia then chuckles bitterly. "Wouldn't it have been romantically ironic?"
"Hey, hey" Raven envelopes Octavia in her arms "don't you even joke about it," she kisses her forehead.
Octavia relaxes, feeling solace in her friend's embrace; glad that she could vent about this subject at least with one person without them thinking she's insane.
After a moment of quietness Raven can't help remark "this is crazy O; a reincarnated Lexa? Damn!"
"I know" Octavia agrees still struggling with the revelation herself.
A minute later or so, Raven leans back to face Octavia "What were you thinking you idiot; she's a kid; you're the freaking general" she chastises lightly.
At that Octavia points out with a surprising lack of humor "She's not gonna be a kid for too long in Clarke's hands."
Raven has to contain her laughter at the observation "please don't say that to Clarke."
"I won't."
…
"Oh wow I-I'm so sorry Clarke," Lexa laments after hearing how and why Clarke's father was floated out to space.
"Yeah I'm sorry too." Clarke tries to sound unaffected but she guesses she's not fooling Lexa.
Lexa opens her mouth to offer some words of comfort but a knock at the door interrupts her.
"Clarke." Indra calls, "you have to get ready for the meeting."
"Thank you! I'll be out in a sec," it's Clarke's response. She chuckles when she notices the pout on Lexa's lips. 'So fucking adorable.'
"Will you come back soon?" Lexa inquires hopefully.
"As soon as I can." Clarke promises with a smile.
"OK" Lexa utters before affirming, "I had a great time Clarke."
"Me too." Clarke is about to stand up when Lexa suddenly takes her hand and gives it a kiss.
"Take care," Lexa whispers letting go of Clarke's hand.
Clarke wants to kick herself for the nervous laugh that escaped her lips "um, you too." She walks slowly to the door, stopping briefly to wave at Lexa before leaving the room.
With Clarke out of sight, Lexa leans her head against the headboard; portraying a dopey smile on her face. "Oh Clarke, Clarke!" She murmurs with eyes closed, feeling butterflies in her stomach; dreaming already of the things they would talk about when they see each other again.
…
Once she's out of Lexa's room, Clarke sighs feeling like a lovesick teenager. 'What are you doing to me,' she laughs to herself at the absurdity of the situation, 'but gosh it feels so good'. Her moment of rapture is cut short when she watches Esiry coming out of the bathroom and entering her own room… just two doors down from Lexa's. Clarke's jaw tenses, bombarded with unpleasant thoughts. 'What if when I leave she… are they…?' Clarke looks up grunting 'that's none of your business anyway Clarke; she's free, she can do whatever she wants… with whomever she wants' she's thinking but she's not convinced "damn it" she begins walking out of the building. 'For now you'll have to settle for being in her company and no more; if something else is to happen, time will tell.' With that idea in mind she tries not to dwell too much on Lexa's choice of partner … or fuck buddy. "Ugh." She shakes her head willing her mind to think about something other than Lexa and Esiry and the things they may or may not be doing; feeling very tempted to send a guard to Lexa's bedroom door.