Some sweet Clexa moments. Clarke and Octavia exchange more than just words.
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Having made love once again, they are now resting on their stomachs, facing each other; lazy smiles plastered on their lips.
Clarke closes her eyes at both, being utterly contented and to get a tiny respire from their previous activities. She finds it fascinating how something can feel new and comfortable at the same time; like it was a regular occurrence, just like a continuation of something that was meant to be.
Feeling the same level of comfort, Lexa stretches out her hand caressing Clarke's back and arm, and tracing her fingers over the dark ink. "I like your tattoos," she comments delicately as to not disrupt the peaceful atmosphere that surrounds them.
"You do?" Clarke replies without opening her eyes, merely relishing in the softness of her touch.
"Uh huh."
Detecting Lexa is expecting more, Clarke supplies. "Well, I didn't want to break the tradition by being the only commander without them; but I chose to give them a positive connotation; nothing to do with death or war."
"Oh," Lexa nods understandingly. She continues tracing the pattern of the first tattoo that caught her attention. "What does this mean?" She finally asks.
The one she's talking about consists of thick branches that expand along Clarke's left arm, interlaced in a perfect double helix with a string of stars.
"Um," Clarke props up on her elbows, instinctively reaching for the said design; she remains quiet, deep in thought. For a moment Clarke stares at Lexa in awe as if she just realized something, but soon her features return to their natural state and she responds, "The branches represent you."
Lexa's eyebrows rise in surprise, the markings quickly making sense to her "and the stars represent you; tree clan and sky clan… and we are united."
"Yup." Clarke confirms somewhat shyly; pushing down the awful memories that come back to her.
"That's... that's beautiful Clarke."
Clarke shrugs, dismissing the emotions that threaten to ruin the moment.
For the time being Lexa pretends not to notice Clarke's distress, planting a kiss on Clarke's cheek and scooting closer to take a look at her woman's back. There she can see small black birds with wings extended, 'five' she counts in her head poking them with a finger.
"Those are doves," Clarke explains "they are the nightbloods that were liberated; I still need to add one more."
At this Lexa beams, liking very much how the awful circles on the back of her previous body that haunted her with guilt for years are transformed into free birds on Clarke's. "Which one is Esiry?" She just had to ask.
The blonde chuckles at the innocent request, "top left" she concedes.
"She's gonna love this," Lexa murmurs to herself, admiring the dove that symbolizes her new friend.
"Oh and this ," Clarke rolls over on her back to show her right arm to Lexa, "this is for my dad" she points at the circle on her bicep in the form of planet earth with the letters "J" and "G" on it. She adds, "He was an environmental engineer; always worried about people," Clarke finalizes with a sad smile on her face.
"Now I know where you got it from," Lexa states with sincerity, holding one of Clarke's hands.
"Yeah…" Clarke looks down momentarily, submerged in the recollections of her father.
Lexa doesn't need an explanation for the different inked designs of bands that surround the contours of Clarke's right arm, as she already knows they represent the thirteen clans.
After a few seconds of silence, Clarke speaks again. "This is weird you know?"
"What is?"
"I…" Clarke shakes her head. "It never occurred to me that I would be here explaining the meaning of our tattoo to you."
It's inevitable, a grin erupts on Lexa's face, "our tattoo" Lexa repeats in a whisper. She then grabs Clarke by the chin to get her to look into her eyes. "There are a lot of things that don't make any sense Clarke. It's crazy. Hell I don't even believe them myself sometimes, but they happened and we are here; so lets just… enjoy the nonsense of it all OK? Cause isn't love like that? Crazy? Irrational? Surreal?" She says this as she pecks Clarke's lips.
Lexa's enthusiasm is so raw and contagious that Clarke can't help but believe her. "You're right." She leans in for a proper kiss.
It doesn't last too long though, as it is interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Breakfast!" Clarke announces standing up to answer. She takes a robe from the chair to cover her naked body.
Lexa follows Clarke's form with her eyes mesmerized until Clarke gestures for her to cover up too.
The blonde waits for Lexa to lift the sheets over her breasts before opening the door.
"Wanheda," Roda , Clarke's personal servant - who is around sixty years old-, enters the room, pushing a small cart.
"Roda" Clarke acknowledges "Did you bring everything I asked for?" She questions in trigedasleng taking a peek at the food the woman prepared.
Roda nods absentmindedly; her eyes glued to Lexa. She stares at the girl with a shy smile of glee and incredulity.
Lexa squirms in bed, holding tightly onto the sheets, uncomfortably.
"Stop that Roda, you're gonna scare her away from me." Clarke chastises jokingly.
"Oh of course; my apologies," the woman blushes aware of her inopportune contemplation.
"It's OK," Clarke remarks kindly, "thank you for the food, I'll see you later."
Roda bows, taking a last glance in Lexa's direction before departing from the room.
"Sorry about that." Clarke walks toward the bed carrying some of the platters from the cart. "She's just excited for me." She places them on the night stand turning back again to bring more things over.
Lexa moves closer, immediately sampling the first chunk of fruit her eyes land on.
"Hungry?"
"Uh huh" Lexa responds, mouth full.
Clarke laughs, placing the last of the items near them.
"What's this?" Lexa questions, pointing at a bowl.
"Oh, that's called whipped cream. We use it to make decorations on pastries or cover certain… appetizing stuff."
"Really?" Lexa asks genuinely curious, "how?"
A toothy grin of pure wickedness adorns Clarke's features at the query. "Don't worry; I'll show you later."
…
It was an eventful weekend for Lexa, practically a captive in Clarke's bedroom; she can't even remember how many times they made love. She's still impressed about all the things she did; things she had never done before - in this or in her other life.
Lexa should be tired she knows, after the strenuous activities she underwent the past few days and also the practice session that finished a couple hours ago- but no; on the contrary she feels energized with so much strength that she could run around Polis, or… 'Ugh! This is ridiculous,' Lexa complains at her inability of getting Clarke and what they did out of her mind; she couldn't even concentrate during her practice, earning Indra's scolding more than once. 'You're a warrior Lexa act like one!' She hits hard with her stick at one of the dummies she's practicing on by herself. Lexa continues to strike at the wooden shape until she hears someone approaching. She turns her head to check on her visitor but freezes on the spot, when she notices the person in question. 'Octavia'.
Octavia strides toward her in her usual intimidating stance.
Lexa is very nervous; she never thought she would see the day when she would be scared of Octavia of the Sky people. She gulps waiting for Octavia to be closer to her before speaking. "General" she bows her head. "I'm sorry about what happened; I didn't know she…"
"Shhh!" Octavia moves past Lexa to sit down on top of a pile of sacks. "Come here." She directs by patting on the sacks next to her.
Obediently, Lexa does as she was told. She observes silently as Octavia takes out a bottle and two cups from her bag and serves the liquid.
"You have nothing to be sorry about; I'm the one who should be apologizing." Octavia hands a cup to Lexa who takes it immediately. She exhales loudly, obviously having a difficult time trying to find the right words. "I guess I overreacted that day and I'm… I'm sorry." Having said that she takes a large sip from her drink.
"It's OK; I understand" Lexa offers, knowing how hard it must have been for the woman to say something like that. She takes a sip from her own cup too.
"You seem to be healing well," Octavia mentions as she scans Lexa up and down.
"Yeah, I'm a warrior; there will be times when I do fall but the important thing is to always get back up, right?" Lexa recites the phrase she heard Octavia deliver on one of her sessions.
"Right!" Octavia chuckles looking down at her feet.
They remain quiet in contemplation for a couple of minutes.
"So, how did that happen?" Octavia suddenly asks, attempting to sound nonchalant.
Knowing exactly what she's referring to, Lexa replies the only way she can. "I don't know. Just… one day I woke up and I knew."
"Huh." Octavia absorbs the information then adds with trepidation. "And you think it could happen again with… anyone?" Even if she wanted to hide it, the hope in her tone of voice is evident.
Lexa sighs deeply, feeling terrible about what she has to say but either way she responds honestly. "I… I really don't know General; I wish I could tell you differently but… I don't know."
Octavia closes her eyes, feeling like her heart has been pierced with a sharp sword. Her throat constricts trying to contain the tears she is reluctant to let fall. When she succeeds after a few seconds she tips her cup with Lexa's, "cheers." She downs the contents of her cup in one gulp.
Unable to do anything else, Lexa drinks from her cup too.
When Lexa finishes her drink, Octavia takes the cup away from her. "OK, OK that's enough. I don't want Clarke to threaten to slit my throat for getting you drunk."
Lexa nods and rises from her seat. "I better go and have lunch." She excuses herself sensing Octavia needs time alone.
"OK, I'll probably see you in a couple of days; you better be ready for the regular routine cause I won't be nice." Octavia winks, lifting her cup and drinking more of the alcohol.
"I'll see you then, General." With that Lexa marches off the training field.
…
Lexa is about to finish her meal when she sees Clarke entering the place. "Hey," she greets with a huge grin.
"Hey." With a similar smile Clarke sits next to Lexa giving her a soft kiss on the lips, taking advantage the dining hall is empty. "Roda told me you were here; I don't have much time but I wanted to say hi."
"Hi," Lexa greets cutely leaning in to peck Clarke's waiting lips.
They giggle like two school girls hiding a secret.
"How was your day?" Clarke wants to know what her girl has been up to.
"Um." Lexa tenses, sure Clarke won't like what she has to say. "I talked to Octavia."
Clarke pulls away abruptly with eyes bulging. "What did she want? Did she threaten you? Did she hurt you?" She questions in fright, patting Lexa's body. She already knew Octavia had arrived early that morning but she had no idea she would go looking for Lexa first.
"Clarke, I'm fine." Lexa grabs onto Clarke's wrists carefully. She waits for the blonde to calm down to continue. "She didn't do anything like that; actually she apologized."
"What?" Clarke leans back in complete shock. "She apologized? To you?"
Lexa nods.
"Octavia?"
"Yes" Lexa rolls her eyes. "I think she was truly regretful Clarke, there's no need for you to make a big deal out of it."
"A big deal!" Clarke nostrils flare with fury, "she almost killed you Lexa!"
"No she didn't."
Clarke opens her mouth but closes it immediately; practicing one of those breathing exercises Indra taught her in order to maintain control over her emotions. She doesn't mind lashing out when it is necessary but she doesn't want to do it here, not with Lexa present. When she is sure she can speak properly Clarke starts, "we are not gonna argue about this Lexa; you have your opinion and I have mine; I'll handle this the way I see fit. This is between me and Octavia, OK?" Without intending to, her words sound definitive.
Even if she could have done something about it, Lexa doesn't want to cross Clarke, especially now that she's all commanding. "OK" is her simple reply.
"I should get back to the throne room" Clarke announces. "I'm still a little behind with my schedule." She makes a face indicating a clear "you know what I mean" to try and lighten the mood.
To her relief it works, if Lexa's smirk is any indication.
"I'll see you tonight?" Lexa questions flirtatiously, rubbing Clarke's arms.
The answer couldn't be any other.
"You bet."
…
At around nine thirty at night, having finished her meetings, Clarke enters Octavia's room.
"Octavia, we …"
Octavia stands up from her bed, stumbling in the process.
Clarke glares at her. "You're drunk," She accuses with disdain.
"Pfff yeah! I mean I don't start until after tomorrow so I thought why not," Octavia shrugs, "wanna join me?" She offers an inebriated smile, showing Clarke a bottle.
"No thanks." Clarke responds through gritted teeth.
"Oh right, right! You need all your five senses to keep up with your young girlfriend later tonight huh?" Octavia snorts.
Clarke clenches her jaw, containing her fast approaching ire. "I was hoping we could talk, but I'm afraid we can't in the state you're currently in."
"Oh no, no!" Octavia exclaims "please go ahead, I wouldn't want to make the great Wanheda wait." The sarcasm in her tone is evident.
And Clarke was about to leave, she was ready to turn around, conscious Octavia is in no condition to have a reasonable conversation; but there was too much anger deep within her, so many things in her head that she couldn't hold them back anymore. "Why did you do it?" She stomps to the middle of the room. "Why did you do that to her, you almost killed her!" Clarke demands, her voice high.
"I wasn't gonna kill her!" Octavia argues, leaving the bottle on her nightstand.
"Did you even see the condition you left her in? Huh? What the fuck is wrong with you!"
Octavia runs both her hands over her face, sobering up a bit at her friend's allegations. "I don't know, Clarke."
"You don't know!" Clarke scoffs "bullshit! You're lots of things but you are not stupid Octavia, you know exactly what you did and why you did it and you're gonna explain it to me, cause I don't fucking understand!"
"I don't wanna talk about that right now, alright?"
"I don't fucking care what you want Octavia, just fucking tell me!" Clarke yells, invading Octavia's personal space causing the brunette to take a step back, "did you want to punish me? Her coming back brought so many memories of things you have been blaming me all these years for, that you just had to take it out on her, to hurt me? Is that it?"
Octavia shakes her head avoiding Clarke's gaze.
"Is it because of Lincoln? You know it wasn't her fault Octavia; it was Pike who did all that!"
"Clarke seriously, stop!" Octavia warns.
"Or what? What are you gonna do?" Clarke pushes Octavia's shoulder with one hand, provoking her.
"What the…" Octavia slaps Clarke's hand away, a scowl on her face.
"I asked you a question." Clarke pushes Octavia with both her hands now, sending her flying against the nightstand.
Instinctively, Octavia reacts, grabbing Clarke by the collar.
That's all the excuse Clarke needs to unleash her anger towards the brunette. First she drives her elbow down on Octavia's hands to detach from her grasp; then pulls Octavia by the hair, shoving her forcefully onto the bed. "Answer me!" She straddles Octavia and punches her in the face.
Octavia does her best to neutralize Clarke's attack but it's in vain; Clarke has lost it.
"I said answer me, damn it!"
Another jab is delivered to Octavia's face.
"Em pleni!" Indra orders from the open door, having heard the commotion. She sprints to the bed, getting a hold of Clarke, and pulling her off of Octavia.
"Coward! If you ever touch her again I'm gonna kill you!" Clarke struggles in Indra's strong grip.
Octavia sits on the edge of the bed, holding the side of her face with one hand. The pain written on her features is more emotional than physical.
"Clarke, stop it." Indra drags Clarke to the exit.
Clarke, in a desperate attempt to ease the conflicting emotions in her heart urges, "I don't wanna hate you Octavia; I need to understand; make me understand!"
Grabbing her head with both her hands, Octavia growls in frustration. Then, without even thinking about it, she croaks. "He's not here!"
"What?"
Unable to take it anymore Octavia finally explodes, "he's not here Clarke! Lexa came back but he didn't!"
Both, Indra and Clarke are stunned at the revelation.
"Lexa was a cold blooded murderer, an arrogant bitch who only cared about her interests. But here she is now; alive and kicking." Octavia rises, glaring at Clarke. "Lincoln was a good man, he was always looking to mediate, always helping people; he was a healer for Christ sake!" She throws her arms up in the air exasperated. "But still, he's gone." Her voice cracks as she adds "for good."
Indra, having let go of Clarke, takes a step forward. "Octavia…" but the brunette signals for her not to move.
"Tell me Clarke, why is she here and not him? Why destiny saw fit to bring her and not Lincoln, huh?" Tears spill down Octavia's face. "You who seems to like explanations so much, why don't you explain it to me? Why you get to have her with you, while I'm still here alone; still dead inside?" She questions, clutching her chest.
Clarke lifts her chin up; she's sympathetic to Octavia's agony, yes; but she's not willing to forgive her just yet. "I didn't ask for any of this Octavia, I have no idea… I don't know."
Octavia nods bitterly, looking at the side "yeah; of course." She swallows the knot in her throat and discloses, "I just miss him so much… I love him so much." The ache in her soul is so powerful that her legs give out; but before she could hit the ground, Indra's arms surround her, keeping her upright. Feeling secure in her mentor's firm embrace, Octavia erupts in heart wrenching sobs.
The vision is tear-jerking; Clarke has to admit it, but it doesn't lessen the resentment against the other woman completely. She just stares at Octavia not knowing what to do.
"Get out of here!" Indra spats. She didn't mean to sound harsh, but she just can't help it. Her protective side is taking over; the girl she considers like a daughter needs her. Inhaling deeply, she makes eye contact with Clarke, hoping not to have to repeat herself.
Fortunately, Clarke is done fighting. She spares one last glance at Octavia's form with a mixture of sorrow and sullenness before leaving the room.
…
Lexa jolts when the doors of Clarke's bedroom burst open. "Clarke," she calls out as soon as she takes in the distraught blonde.
Clarke stops abruptly, breathing heavily.
"What happened? Are you OK?" Lexa rushes toward Clarke, "your hand!" She exclaims taking in Clarke's red swelled knuckles.
The blonde lifts her gaze, connecting her eyes with Lexa's. She gets lost in the green orbs for a short while.
"Clarke?" Lexa asks, uncertainly.
As if she just woke up from a dream, Clarke squints, opening and closing her mouth "you're…" is all she gets to say before jumping into Lexa's arms.
The movement is so sudden that Lexa almost loses her balance but manages to keep them upright. "It's OK, I got you" she assures, rubbing Clarke's back.
"I love you, I love you so much," Clarke mutters desperately in Lexa's ear; holding onto her tightly.
"I love you too."
…
Cuddling in bed and considerably more relaxed, Clarke sighs deeply before expressing. "Does that make me selfish?"
"Hmm," Lexa has no idea what Clarke is talking about.
"That I'm glad it was you who came back," Clarke asserts in contemplation. "I mean I love my friends, I would do anything for them but…" she gulps the guilt from her throat before continuing. "If I would've been given the choice to bring back Lincoln or you… I would've chosen you. Over anyone; always you."
Lexa sighs sympathetically "There's nothing wrong with that Clarke," she pulls Clarke closer to her, "It's human nature you know? Besides it was about time you thought about yourself first."
Clarke allows Lexa's words to be a consolation even with the guilt deep in her gut.
"You've sacrificed a lot for them Clarke; for your people. You've given them peace and a bright future ahead; I believe you've earned your right to be selfish once in a while."
"Yeah I guess you're right." Clarke settles comfortably in the bed, letting Lexa spoon her. She still has Octavia's words roaming in her head and it really affects her, but here in Lexa's arms, everything looks a little brighter, a little sweeter…
"Reshop, heda" Lexa whispers, leaving a kiss in Clarke's temple.
Clarke's lips quirk into an easy smile at the familiar words. "Goodnight warrior."
… and for now, it is enough.