Clarke reflects on her life in the company of Niylah…and someone else.
Lexa learns about Clarke's whereabouts. She gets advice from an unexpected source.
It's already dark when Clarke reaches the end of her journey. She halts her horse to admire the group of cottages that now form part of Niylah's property. It is still hard for Clarke to believe that Niylah's trading post has also been transformed into a temporary accommodation for travelers; and it fills her with immense joy to have been part of that achievement. She dismounts her horse and leads it to the large cottage that currently is Niylah's trading post. With the horse securely tied up she enters the premises, finding a couple looking around.
"Wanheda," the man bows once Clarke has removed her hood.
"Commander," the woman bows too.
"Good evening" Clarke greets, stepping inside. "Carry on with your business, don't mind me" she pretty much orders.
The couple obeys immediately and resumes their previous activities.
Seconds later Niylah emerges from the back. "You're in luck I found…" she looks up making eye contact with Clarke; instantly a smile illuminates her face. "Wanheda."
Clarke acknowledges her by nodding, hiding a grin.
Niylah proceeds to finish attending to the travelers while Clarke entertains herself by looking at the different articles on the wall.
"To what do I owe the honor of your visit commander?" Niylah teasingly questions a few moments later as she closes the door of the shop.
"What? Can't anyone just come and visit friends anymore?" Clarke asks sarcastically.
Niylah shakes her head and chuckles.
"And where is Nina?" Clarke asks for good measure.
"She's sleeping, don't worry." Niylah signals for Clarke to follow her into her living quarters.
As customary, Clarke sits at the table silently waiting as Niylah makes tea for the both of them.
It doesn't take long for Niylah to place two cups of the hot liquid in front of each other as she sits down. She quietly waits for Clarke to grab the cup and take a sip of the tea before making an observation. "So, does your long lost love have to come back from the dead for you to pay me a visit?"
Clarke chokes at the unexpected words.
Niylah laughs out loud and hands Clarke a napkin.
Already cleaned up and trying to save what's left of her dignity Clarke remarks, "I see rumors travel fast?"
"They were rumors until you confirmed them just now."
Clarke rolls her eyes embarrassed at her own involuntary admission.
"It is her huh?"
"Yeah," Clarke can't contain the sly smile adorning her face but just as fast as it appeared, it vanishes.
The change of expression doesn't go unnoticed by Niylah "OK… I got a feeling there's a lot I have missed."
…
Three more cups of tea and a long elaborated explanation on Clarke's part and Niylah has a good summary of everything that has transpired since Lexa's reappearance.
"Wow." Niylah is genuinely impressed by all she just heard "and what do you have in mind? What are you gonna do?"
"Ugh, I don't know?" Clarke grunts, throwing her head back in frustration. "I just needed to get away, to get a new perspective, to breathe or… whatever."
"OK, OK" Niylah concedes knowing Clarke needs time to figure things out herself. "I think it's best if you rest now, we can continue tomorrow." She stands up extending her hand for Clarke to take, "c'mon wanheda I'm taking you to your room."
Clarke takes the hand offered and lets Niylah guide her to the cottage that is always reserved for her on Niylah's property.
...
Around noon Indra returns to the tower after checking on the army, when Lexa intercepts her.
"Hi," Lexa waves at the woman.
"Lexa!" Indra grins, genuinely happy to see the girl. "How you've been doing?"
"I'm OK I guess… could be better" Lexa shrugs; sure Indra would get her meaning.
"Right." Indra nods uncomfortably; never one who enjoys discussing someone else's private life.
When Indra doesn't comment further Lexa starts, trying to sound casual "so… how's Clarke doing?"
Indra kind of expected that question, so the answer comes naturally to her "just like you, she's coping."
Lexa bites her lip, hesitating to ask her next query "and…do you think she may have some time to talk to me; I promise not to take up too much of her time," she sounds expectant.
"I'm afraid that isn't possible, she's not currently in Polis." It is Indra's simple reply.
"What? Where did she go?" Lexa questions, concerned and a little hurt that Clarke failed to notify her about her departure.
"She's taking some time off under my advice."
"She went to Arkadia? For how long?"
Indra is not really required to answer that question –to Lexa or anyone else for that matter- but she respects Lexa enough to give her a response. "She's not in Arkadia; she went to visit a friend."
It sounds odd to Lexa to hear the word friend not involving Arkadia. As far as she is concerned all Clarke's friends are located there and from what she could gather in prior conversations, Clarke maintains a relationship of respect with her acquaintances, not exactly one of friendship. Lexa is curious. "Who's this friend of hers?"
Again, Indra can't find in herself to hide information from Lexa or doesn't see it as a necessity. "Her name is Niylah of Trikru, she and Clarke have known each other for a long time now, they are still good friends."
"Niylah?" Lexa's mind becomes messy trying to evoke a memory, the name sounding familiar.
Taking notice of this Indra supplies, "she still runs a trading post, if that helps."
And it does help.
Lexa's eyes grow big remembering clearly Roan's annoyingly mocking face as he elaborated on how he captured Clarke when Lexa went to his chambers to interrogate him.
"After that all I had to do was to wait for her to come out of her new friend's tent; and lets just say she did make me wait … a lot."
At that moment Lexa did not react, never willing to give away anything to her enemies. But she certainly did once she was in the privacy of her bedroom; imagining with bitterness what may have taken place between Clarke and Niylah.
"Where is her trading post?" Lexa demands, her face already twisting with anger.
"Lexa," Indra sighs. "I can't tell you that."
"Where…" Lexa grunts. "You know what? Forget it; I can find it myself." She spins around, one purpose in mind.
"You are not going anywhere warrior!"
Indra's commanding voice stops Lexa's advances at once.
"You can't disturb the commander during her mandatory rest." Indra comes close to Lexa in full authoritative mode. "If you dare, I will have no other choice than to accuse you of insubordination."
Lexa turns around slowly to face the woman. "I need to see her Indra, I need to talk to her."
"And you will," Indra supplies calmly, "when she returns from her trip."
"No!" Lexa desperately exclaims. "I have to talk to her as soon as possible, before she…" Lexa pauses unable to finish the thought.
Taking on a more understanding stance, Indra states "whatever you are thinking Lexa, it's not going to happen."
"How do you even know?!" The desperation in Lexa's voice is evident. "She's there alone with that woman and…" she stops when another detail pops up in her mind, "and you are the one who sent her there! You sent her to…"
"I sent her there to clear her thoughts and to regain her confidence."
Lexa only stares at her with a frown which prompts Indra to elaborate.
"Clarke currently is not in the right frame of mind; she's full of insecurities and doubts. I can't allow the commander to question her own judgment; as her counselor it's my job to ensure she's at her best and I will do whatever I consider pertinent to achieve that goal."
"So you sent her to fuck the trading post girl!? Is that how you think she will recover her confidence?" Lexa accuses with jealousy.
"She's not going to do that," Indra insists. "Clarke can be stubborn and can sometimes make rush decisions; but she's also very smart and good at making the right call. Lately with everything that's been going on with you she's lost track of her assurance; she only needs a little push to remember how good of a leader she is; a necessary test that will bring her back to her normal self," she ends in a definitive attitude.
"What are you saying Indra?" Lexa mutters through gritted teeth, the phrasing in Indra's explanation really getting to her on a personal level. "That Clarke is being weak? That I'm her weakness?... that love is a weakness?"
Having already learned the lesson regarding the subject, Indra expresses confidently "no, love is not weakness, it is actually the strongest motivation a human being can have to continue fighting; but it can certainly be a distraction if you don't know how to handle it. And you and Clarke have found yourselves in some sort of predicament that will only get resolved if you both take some time to think and calm down and then talk; an open and sincere conversation in which you two have to reveal all. Clarke and you may be meant for each other but that doesn't mean you have to take it easy; to achieve great things you have to fight for it, earn it. I don't think I have to remind you of that, you know that already."
Lexa wants to fight every single argument Indra just presented but even in her current state of mind she has to admit everything she just said made sense. But it's not enough to ease her insecurities "what if she…"
"I have faith in her" Indra emphatically voices, taking hold of Lexa's shoulder with one hand. "Do you?"
The question lingers in Lexa's head as Indra gives her a gentle squeeze and lets go, leaving her alone with her qualms.
…
"But you told her to do it." Niylah reasons as she finishes serving lunch.
"I know! And I actually meant it, I swear!" Clarke rebuts from her chair. "I don't even fu-effing know why I'm so mad really!" she gets momentarily distracted when someone tries to climb up on her lap. "You wanna sit with me?" She looks down at the tiny intruder.
"Yes!" Nina -Niylah's three year old- speaks, already extending her little arms up.
"There you go." Clarke sits the little girl on her lap. She smiles as she watches Nina sampling some of her food; the last topic briefly forgotten. "Next week is her checkup?" She thinks out loud.
"Yeah. She's been doing great though; I don't think there will be anything new," Niylah shrugs as she puts her plate on the table.
Clarke considers something silently for a few seconds, and then seems to reach an internal consensus. "You should come with me to Polis, it would be safer and you can keep me company on my way back," she persuades. "You can take the car back the same night after her checkup, if you want."
Niylah eyes Clarke suspiciously but decides to let it pass for the time being. "OK" she agrees, "sounds good."
"Great." Clarke smiles but looks away, sure that Niylah has seen through her little scheme.
After that both carry on eating and discussing other topics.
…
Still somehow disturbed by Indra's last remark Lexa goes to the clinic to have her healing wounds checked on; but just two steps inside she comes across Raven, who is busying herself with a medical device.
"Miss Reyes". She greets respectfully yet resentful and cautious.
Raven, having taken notice of Lexa, lets out a long exhale and leaves the electronic device in her hands on the desk to one side. "Hey" she returns the greeting and stands up to get closer to Lexa. "And it's just Raven," she clarifies in a friendly tone.
Lexa is taken aback by the courtesy but responds in kind "oh OK, Raven."
The other brunette offers a smile, looks around to make sure nobody is listening and starts speaking "you know, about what happened the other day; it's nothing personal really. Me and Octavia are very protective of Clarke, we care about her and we would give the same treatment to anyone who dares to hurt her, believe me it has nothing to do with you personally."
Hurt; a word that cuts deep into Lexa's feelings. "I hurt her and mistrust her, what a great girlfriend I am." She shakes her head to get out of her inner laments and replies "it's OK, I understand; you are her friends. I actually feel relieved that Clarke has good friends like you that will always have her back."
Lexa's admission sounds sincere to Raven "it's cool; she would do the same for us". Then feeling confident with Lexa's good disposition she ventures with some advice. "You know? Clarke is a good hearted woman, a forgiver; she forgave all of us when we didn't trust her, she forgave Bellamy after going into that stupid killing spree."
The name of the man –one she hadn't heard of in so long- causes her to harden her face but other than that she doesn't do much than to listen to the other woman.
"She even forgave her mother for basically murdering her dad for Christ sake!" Raven exclaims in disbelief but restates her speech "well, my point is she's going to forgive you… like she has done many many times before." She lifts one brow at Lexa who just ducks her head with guilt. "You just have to prove you are worth the effort Lexa; I mean yeah your love kinda defies the limits of life and death but, that doesn't mean you have to stop giving your best for your relationship."
It's so infuriating and sad at the same time for Lexa, that even with her previous knowledge and her past life experiences she actually doesn't know much about fighting for a relationship. "So much more complicated than war," she contemplates quietly.
Noticing the dishearten expression on the young brunette, Raven suggests, "just talk to her, tell her what's on your mind; do things for her nobody has ever done, romantic shit and stuff" she leans into Lexa's ear to complement. "She may be the commander but she's still a woman." She pats Lexa's back.
That brings a new sense of hope in Lexa "Thank you Raven" she expresses honestly.
"Any time." Ravens nods, "and remember whatever you do, do it for the both of you" with that she winks and goes back to her work.
Oddly enough Lexa doesn't feel as bad as she was before this conversation and that good sensation fills her with renewed energy to deal with her issues with Clarke.
…
Nature and the tranquility it brings has always helped Clarke to dissipate whatever is troubling her. She leans against a tree as she enjoys the peacefulness of the area.
"There you are." Niylah makes her appearance, taking a seat next to Clarke.
Clarke barely has time to prepare for whatever is to come when the other blonde asks.
"Why are you here Clarke?"
"Straight to the point." Clarke chuckles liking very much Niylah's straightforwardness; but that doesn't mean she has an answer. "I just… I wanted to…" she sighs "I'm not even sure anymore."
"Hmm," Niylah hums analyzing the situation. "Did you want revenge?"
Clarke closes her eyes and gulps guiltily, but doesn't dare lie to her friend, "maybe."
"But you changed your mind." Niylah presses on wanting to get to the bottom of Clarke's inner concerns.
This time Clarke can only nod her affirmation.
"You want her to be jealous. That's why you invited me to come to Polis with you, right?"
It is never gonna stop amazing Clarke how easily Niylah can read her, to anticipate her next move. All those years sharing a bed occasionally but most of all, conversing, has proven to be a good way to get to know each other in ways she couldn't have imagined. She feels lucky at the moment, that this woman is her friend and not her enemy; she would certainly be in trouble if that was the case.
"I…" Clarke tries to justify herself, to explain but Niylah interrupts her.
"You should just talk to her Clarke; go back to her. I do get that you are mad but pushing her away is not gonna help."
"I know." Clarke concedes with a lack of enthusiasm.
"You are a great leader Clarke, the best commander we've ever had." Niylah turns to face the blonde. "You grabbed a hold of this world in your hands, fought for it and saved us; you are a hero, but most of all you are a great human being."
Niylah's words pierce into Clarke's soul, but she holds back her emotions; she limits herself to listening to her friend.
"The spirits saw the goodness in your heart and decided to give back the love you thought you had lost. I don't think many people can say that now, can they?" Niylah smiles sympathetically as she cautiously warns, "you don't wanna go and waste a gift like that huh?"
"Never," Clarke states firmly as she grabs Niylah's hand, knowing she has indeed been blessed with a gift unheard of, a chance to rebuild her life –a life that doesn't necessarily have to be perfect, but it can be perfect for her, "thank you."
"You're welcome." The kind look on Niylah's face suddenly morphs into one of mischief which perks Clarke's attention immediately. "So…" Niylah begins "while I do support your happiness and you getting back together with your girl; I wouldn't mind giving her a small… reprimand; you know, so she learns not to mess up with the great Wanheda."
Clarke is stupefied for a couple of seconds but then she bursts into laughter at the silliness of the proposition.
Oh, she definitely is going to take Niylah's word for it.
…
Thanks to Indra, Lexa knows the exact time Clarke is expected back. She nervously paces around the tower, rehearsing in her head the words she wants to say once Clarke is in front of her. She is actually very optimistic now, seeing everything in a different light and more than ready to unveil her heart to her love.
A few minutes later, the vehicles that typically accompany Clarke whenever she leaves Polis, stop in front of the doors of the tower.
Lexa adjusts her clothes and takes a deep breath and makes sure she looks presentable and assertive for Clarke. She watches as the guards open the door for her and how she steps out of the car. But just when Lexa is about to approach the woman, she notices how Clarke reaches back into the car to apparently retrieve something from inside. "What is she… a child?" Lexa is confused as to why Clarke would be holding a little kid in her arms but her curiosity becomes dreadful when she sees someone else leaving the vehicle too. "Niylah?" is the only thing she manages to mumble as a cold shiver runs down her spine at the vision of Clarke, Niylah and the child together… looking like a very happy family.