Clarke and Lexa: close but far away. Abby finds out something…what will she do with the info? Lexa reflects on her life(s) and makes a decision; while Clarke makes a radical one.

"So, you couldn't get a hard on huh?"

Raven chokes on her drink at Octavia's choice of words. She coughs and giggles; awkwardly cleaning her nose and mouth; but Clarke's glare causes her to stop immediately. "Sorry."

Clarke rolls her eyes, irritated; sometimes she wonders why she even bothers with these girls; but the thing is, since Lexa came back, she feels less and less like hiding her emotions hence the annoying yet compulsory need to share with her friends. "It's not that," she spats. "I … panicked, my mind started to imagine things and …" she gulps the unpleasant feeling and finalizes. "I just couldn't."

"Hmm." Octavia swallows a bite of her sandwich, considering something before speaking. "Sounds like you haven't forgiven Lexa yet." When Clarke attempts to refute she stops her by waving a finger in the air. "I mean deep inside." her blonde friend sighs and looks down so she carries on. "And I think that's alright Clarke; maybe you just need some time to think about it, get it off your chest or something; but…" Octavia takes a pregnant pause for effect and compliments "whatever you decide, remember to discuss it with your girlfriend, talk it out!"

"Wow." Raven stares at Octavia dumbfounded, "that was actually some pretty good advice there." Next, she adopts a mocking accusatory scowl and declares "who are you and what have you done with Octavia?!"

"Fuck you!" Octavia throws a crumb at Raven who snorts and deflects the object.

"No seriously, Clarke." Raven clears her throat and adds "she's right; you have to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Remember this whole mess started because there was a lack of communication between the both of you. You must tell her what is on your mind."

"I know." Clarke regrets saying those words as soon as they leave her mouth; she seems to be saying it a lot lately when confronted with certain truths, either way she isn't so willing to cave in that easily, "but I need to find the right words to tell her, I have to think about it." She justifies unconvincingly.

"Yeah well; do it soon," Octavia warns sipping on her drink.

Clarke's shoulders sank as she considers what her next move with Lexa will be; scared of the possible repercussions of her outburst. This dilemma of hers will definitely need more than just a conversation.

…

Lexa sits under a tree in the tranquility of the secret spot Clarke and her share. She ponders the incident of the previous night and all that will come with it. She sighs deeply, lamenting her naivety –or stupidity - believing everything was fine, that Clarke had forgiven her completely and they could move on like nothing happened. 'How is it that everything is out of control in this life, in this body;' she wonders anxiously. 'Why did I do it! Why I felt I couldn't stop myself… why I felt I didn't want to' Lexa admits to herself with shame; yet with a certain relief. Despite having most of the memories and overall the same persona she can also feel the difference between her previous life and her current one. In the past, she was raised under the most severe circumstances and with one purpose only: to save her people; regardless of her own feelings or considerations. Now that burden is gone and she feels it, and it is so liberating that she even allows herself not to think sometimes, which leads her to fuck things up. 'I can't just let my Heda side go; she's my ground, my self-control,' Lexa debates with herself. 'I can't stop being her, I AM HER!' Then she suddenly remembers Esiry's advice not so long ago "… Maybe you should just take the good parts of her; and use it like a perfect balance…" also, the words of her mother come to mind "... You should only keep the feelings, the emotions, and the love and nothing more…"

Those phrases help Lexa realize she can enjoy this new life as a free girl, she can make mistakes –and probably will continue to do so- but she must learn to deal with them; amend them and work harder on being a better person. But, to do so she had to correct her wrong doings, all of them… from the very beginning. 'Lexa in my mind, commander in the heart.' She murmurs to herself, stands up, determined to find her girlfriend and face their issues once and for all.

…

Abby just couldn't help herself; she had to find out more about her daughter's girlfriend. She honestly didn't believe she was being intrusive or nosy; she simply needed to know this girl's intentions concerning Clarke and if they were honorable.

Getting the information from Clarke herself was not an option, neither was Octavia since she and Lexa are warriors and there was the code of silence they maintained. So that left her with the next best choice.

"Hello Raven." Abby greets nonchalantly.

"Abby, hey!" A busy Raven greets back, immediately returning to her task of reviewing the reports the mechanics in Polis gave her.

The older woman grabs a chair and sits next to Raven, quiet for a minute, contemplating her approach until she finally starts. "So Raven, I'm curious about something and I hope you can help me…"

"hmm?"

Taking advantage of Raven's distraction she ventures, "You see, I was wondering what you know about this Lexa girl?"

Raven pauses for a second or two, processing who was asking and why; based on that she decides to play it cool and not give up Lexa's identity. "I really don't know her that well; she's a regular girl I guess," she shrugs.

"A regular girl…" Abby nods lifting a brow, prompting Raven to elaborate.

"Yeah you know," Raven continues speaking casually "hanging out with Clarke, going to practice, screwing it up once in a while…" She freezes, realizing what she just disclosed; she can only hope Abby didn't…

"Screwing it up? What exactly was it that she screwed up?"

…

Lexa strides toward the throne room determined to set a time to have that conversation with Clarke - despite Octavia's warning of avoiding the tower until Abby was gone. She knows her blonde girl is going to be busy, nevertheless she wants assurance from her that they will talk later in the day.

As expected, Clarke is in a meeting, bidding farewells to a clan leader.

"I wish you a safe trip back to the forest, may we meet again," Clarke directs the words at the older woman in front of her.

"Thank you very much Commander, may we meet again." The woman bows, "Counselor" she pays respects to Indra too before departing the room.

That is when Lexa and Clarke make eye contact from across the room.

"I'll ask the guards to close the doors," Indra suggests.

"No!" Clarke commands her to stop.

Indra quirks a brow suspiciously.

"Just gimme a sec." Clarke rises from her throne and walks toward her girlfriend.

Lexa is nervous, waiting for Clarke to come closer.

Clarke gestures for the guards to move away, which they do promptly. "Hey," she greets serenely once the guards are out of ear shot. "Is there something wrong? I'm kinda busy here."

"Uh…" Lexa stares at Clarke confused at her apparent calmness; she decides to get straight to the point. "Yeah, I um, wanted to talk about what happened last night; you…"

And just like her mother, Clarke couldn't help herself.

"Oh yeah" Clarke interrupts "sorry about that; I was so stressed out with the meetings and my mom's visit that I just snapped."

"But…" Lexa is at a loss for words, not understanding what is going on. The night before Clarke seemed to be very upset and with a reason, Lexa could tell; but now she is acting like nothing happened.

"Commander; the Shallow Valley Chief is here," a guard announces suddenly, taking a few steps back once he is finished.

"OK, I'll let you know when he can come in," Clarke directs then faces Lexa again. "I'm sorry I have to…" she points in the direction of the hallway.

Lexa shakes her head, alert. "But Clarke we have to talk."

"Yeah of course, later." Clarke waves her hand dismissively.

"When?" Lexa questions but Clarke is already turning around.

"Later," Clarke mouths making a gesture with her fingers as she walks away.

All Lexa can do is stand at the threshold and watch Clarke take a seat on her throne while the clan leader is being summoned into the room.

…

"She cheated on Clarke?!" Abby exclaims outraged.

"Well, not exactly," Raven nervously attempts to explain what she had been told about the incident. "Technically yes, but Clarke told her to, so…" she stops abruptly, aware she is only making matters worse.

"Clarke did what?"

"Abby please don't…

Abby can't listen anymore, she is fuming. "Not only did she come into Clarke's life wanting God knows what but has the nerve to laugh in her face." She shakes her head to make sense of what she just heard. "That is enough, I'm gonna give this girl a piece of my mind right now." With that she spins around, determined to find Lexa.

"Abigail Griffin stop right there!"

The older woman halts at the unexpected command; she slowly turns toward Raven; almost daring her to finish whatever she was saying.

Raven doesn't know where she got the boldness to confront the woman -especially considering how much she respects her – but she is sure as hell not going to stop now. "I don't know what it is that you're about to say to Lexa but, and this is coming from the appreciation I have for you," she points at herself for emphasis before issuing the warning, "you're gonna get yourself kicked out of Polis or far worse, from Clarke's life."

"I'm her mother" Abby protests.

"Believe me Abby, Clarke won't care."

The same feeling of dread and tension that surrounded Bellamy's room takes over Abby's senses; she even can see it in Raven's body language; the wariness, the certainty.

"Stay away from Lexa, don't get involved in Clarke's life."

And if it wasn't enough, what Raven adds next is like a smack across Abby's face.

"She has forgiven you so many times Abby, even regarding Jake; I don't think she will let this one pass." Then resembling a sentence from a jury Raven utters lastly "don't try your luck this time; that is if you don't wanna lose your daughter forever." Saying that, Raven lowers her gaze onto the table and continues her work.

Affected by what was said; Abby leaves Raven's room, with only half of the attitude she portrayed when she arrived.

…

Making use of a short break between meetings, Clarke sits on her throne, deep in thought, wondering why she can't confront Lexa about her insecurities, why she can't just explain to her how she feels and what this whole Orita thing meant to her. It should be easy, Lexa is her girlfriend after all, but for some reason, there is something stopping her, something bothering her. 'Is this how Lexa felt when she was the Commander? Unable to express her feelings? Scared of opening up and fearing to show she is incapable of controlling her emotions? Not wanting to show weaknesses?' Now Clarke begins to understand the Grounders point of view when it came to the meaning of the word "weakness"; Lexa's inner battle with her conscious; the woman versus the leader. 'Does this perk come with the position?' Clarke ironizes bitterly. She is slowly coming to realize that the severity in which life has treated her has contributed to hardening not only her features but also her soul. She can only imagine what Lexa went through in those times; trying to explain her feelings to Clarke of all people. 'Fuck how do I make it easier, what do I do?'

"About what?" Indra questions from her position at Clarke's right.

Clarke jumps at Indra's sudden question; she didn't realize she was speaking to herself. "Uh… nothing I was just… thinking."

"mmm" Indra of course doesn't buy the explanation, nonetheless she won't push for more info, instead she puts her title into practice offering some advice. "Well then, whatever it is that is troubling you I recommend you solve it as the Commander, because evidently you can't by simply being Clarke."

'Like the Commander?' Clarke reflects on the words for a brief moment, but doesn't have much time to grasp them completely as another clan leader is announced at the door.

…

With all her commitments finished for the day Clarke gets ready to wrap up for the night when she gets a last-minute visitor.

"Clarke," Bellamy calls from the entrance, "can I come in?"

Indra and her personal guards were already dismissed so this was a personal matter she had to deal with on her own.

"Yeah" she confirms, sending a glance to the guards that are following Bellamy "close the doors and wait outside."

Though reluctantly, they do what they are told.

"What is it?" Clarke asks with hostility.

Already expecting this reaction from Clarke, Bellamy starts without any fuss. "As you may know we are leaving tomorrow morning and I didn't want to without um, apologizing." He clears his throat finding it a bit hard to actually let the words out but does it anyways. "I'm sorry for interfering in your life; I should have known that whatever is going on in your relationship is between you and … her and that you're more that capable of dealing with it without anyone's interference. I assure you that from now on I will not be meddling in your private affairs." He promised wholeheartedly.

But Bellamy doesn't receive the response he was expecting.

"Oh wow, thank you very much Bellamy; I really appreciate you finally admitting the obvious." Clarke sarcastically remarks, one hand on her chest in mock emotion. "You have no idea how relieved I am you're finally gonna mind your own business and leave me alone."

Letting out a big exasperated sigh Bellamy continues. "I know I'm not the easiest person to be around Clarke, and I understand I crossed a line by talking to her behind your back; it's just that I care about you, I don't want you to get hurt." Before Clarke can interject he carries on, "yeah I know you can handle it, I was wrong, I get it OK? I just…" Bellamy scratches the back of his head, feeling uncomfortable. "I don't like this, I don't like you and I being like… this." He nervously moves his hands signaling at one another, "you're one of the most important people in my life Clarke I … I'm sorry."

Watching Bellamy this vulnerable is not a frequent occurrence, she can count on one hand the number of times she has seen him this helpless and regretful; she also can tell that he is being totally honest and truly sorry. Problem is she is not ready to forgive him just yet. "I don't like it either." Clarke concedes but quickly adds, "but I don't think I can forget about this just like that; I need time," she warns firmly. "I think it's best we take our time and think about it; maybe in the future we can talk and retake our friendship."

Clarke's tone of finality gives Bellamy the answer he needs, and he has no other choice than to accept it. "It's OK, I understand," he admits, head down. "I guess I'll see you then?" His voice holds a hint of hope in it.

"Yeah, see you later." With a little nod of her head, Clarke makes it clear that is the only goodbye he is going to get from her.

Deflated and a resigned Bellamy, bows his head and makes his way out of the throne room.

…

Abby, after much consideration, decided to take Raven's advice and let the Lexa situation rest, scared of risking her already volatile relationship with Clarke. To avoid temptation she settles for leaving along with her people early in the morning, which brings her here, to Clarke's bedroom.

"Honey." She calls out behind the door. "It's me."

"Come in!" Clarke calls, having recognized her mother's voice.

Abby cracks open the door but doesn't enter the room. "Hey," she waits for Clarke to look at her before speaking. "I know you must be tired but I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out for a drink with me?"

"What?" Clarke chuckles, "a drink?" She is genuinely surprised; her mother never invited her out for a drink before; let alone in such a casual and friendly manner.

"Yeah why not?" Abby shrugs, "we can talk for a bit, a proper farewell if you must; as you know I'm leaving with Marcus in a few hours."

"Talk?" Clarke can't help but be suspicious of her mother's invitation.

"Yes, talk; about whatever you want." Abby raises her hands in surrender.

Clarke rolls her eyes at her mother's antics. "Fine… let's go." She walks toward her mother with a soft smile on her face.

Interlacing arms, both mother and daughter head out for the only bar in Polis.

…

"Later" never had a more ambiguous meaning for Lexa, she didn't know when "later" would be and she honestly was getting extremely anxious. She didn't want to appear to be desperate but she was; that is why she is currently heading for the tower -against her better judgment- to meet up with Clarke.

Lexa is just a few meters away when she notices Clarke and her mother coming out of the building, talking animatedly. She stays put, not knowing if they noticed her or not.

Abby looks to the side and suddenly becomes distracted when she locks eyes with Lexa. She stops abruptly, forcing Clarke to do the same.

"Wha-" Clarke faces in the direction that her mother is looking and encounters no other than her girlfriend. She tenses up on the spot.

And her mother notices…

All Abby's self-control vacillates at the vision of the girl who betrayed her child. She wants so badly to head straight at Lexa and ask her for an explanation of her unacceptable behavior; she is making a conscious physical effort not to move from that spot. At the same moment Bellamy and Raven's warnings return to her. That's all the reminder she needs for not acting on her impulses. That doesn't stop her though from shooting imaginary daggers at Lexa unashamedly.

The message comes across just fine as Lexa immediately gets the reason for the doctor's animosity. She gulps, uncertain of what the older woman's next move will be.

Soon Clarke is aware that Abby is glaring; and comes to the realization she must have heard something. 'No please, I can't handle this right now,' she laments internally.

Sensing her daughter's distress Abby looks away from Lexa; instead she holds onto Clarke's arm tightly and offers steadily "you're mine tonight, OK?"

The soft reassurance of her mother, works in calming Clarke down. "Yes, all yours," she nods with a sly smile at her mom but then focuses on her girlfriend, to communicate something silently. She gestures with her head, making it clear she would remain with her mother for the rest of the night.

Lexa nods understandingly, without saying a word. She can only watch helplessly as both women continue on their way; among the now vacated streets of Polis.

…

The next morning, shortly after waving goodbye to her mother; Clarke finishes putting on her combat armor. The light conversation with her mother –one she doesn't remember having in a long while – and her unexpected support along with Indra's voice still echoing in her head had contributed in Clarke making a radical decision.

"…whatever it is that is troubling you I recommend you solve it as the Commander…" and that is exactly what she is planning on doing.

When Indra comes in with the schedule for the day, Clarke instructs. "You will take control of the meetings for a couple of hours; I'll be at the training field."

"As you wish." Indra has no problem with the command.

With her mind set, Clarke goes to the indicated destination.

…

The day started early for the young warriors as Octavia wanted to catch up on the days she lost without her apprentices.

She is observing their warming session when she notices Clarke coming onto the field. "Commander." She salutes with a smirk, "what a surprise, I wasn't expecting you today."

But Clarke doesn't have time for formalities. "Take your warriors and include them in with the army practice for today, I need this field for me and Lexa," she orders assertively.

"For you and Lexa?" Octavia is puzzled for a second "what are you…" but she connects the dots quick enough "whoa, there!" She lifts a finger, "you're not telling me you're gonna…"

"What?" Clarke spats "Didn't you tell me yesterday to get it off my chest?" She reminds the General in all seriousness.

"That's not what I meant!" Octavia whispers alarmed.

Clarke only huffs, as she looks for her girlfriend. "Lexa!" She calls resolutely, "come here!"

Lexa obediently trots toward Clarke.

"Oh my God Clarke have you lost your mind, you can't do this!"

"Yes I can and, I am." The blonde informs "and you better get going."

"Hey!" Lexa greets innocently. "Are you free from the meetings?" She questions hopefully. "I know I'm in the middle of my practice session but if Octavia doesn't mind we can go and…"

"Take out your sword and get ready; we are going to duel right now."

"We are what?!"

"Jesus fucking Christ!"