"We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it." Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook.

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I'M BACK BITCHES! I know it's been a long time and probably some of you have forgotten or given up on my lil fic and I'm sorry for that. But a lot has happened in my life in the last several months that left me unable to write. Getting back on track is proving to be a hard task but here I am ready and willing to continue with this story that many of you seem to like. This chapter is shorter than usual but I guess I just used the words necessary for our favorite girls to speak. Don't forget to let me know what you think! Now go on and read!

By the time Lexa makes it to the throne room it's late at night and already empty. She walks slowly, almost ceremoniously to the center of the darken room, wondering if Clarke is even there but a soft breeze coming from the open doorway of the balcony, lets her know she's certainly not alone. Lexa takes a few steps forward, stopping right below the threshold which gives her the necessary angle to notice the presence of her girlfriend.

Clarke is sitting on a bench on the balcony with her eyes fixed onto the sky. The soft glow of the moonlight falls perfectly over her blonde hair giving it a special radiance which leaves Lexa momentarily speechless, admiring the beauty of Clarke.

At that same moment Lexa feels her heart constricting, a sudden pain in her chest that can only mean one thing: guilt. Images of what transpired between them flash into her mind in a matter of seconds and it's overwhelming. She's so enthralled in her own reveries that she fails to notice that Clarke has already acknowledged her.

"Hey," Clarke whispers with her characteristic greeting, accompanying it with a soft look only reserved for her young love.

Lexa blinks rapidly, snapping back to the present, staring at Clarke; still out of words.

Clarke pats the vacant seat next to her on the bench, silently inviting Lexa to come closer.

Without wasting any time, Lexa walks toward Clarke's proximity, immediately occupying the space offered. Close enough and with a clearer mind, Lexa is able to take in the icepack that Clarke is firmly holding onto her left arm. She cringes with eyes fixated on the pale arm muscles that look swollen.

"Oh." Clarke chuckles when she follows Lexa's line of vision. "It's not a big deal, I was caught off guard, nothing I couldn't handle though" she minimizes to protect her ego. When she doesn't see a change in Lexa's demeanor she adds teasingly "you should have seen me after practice with Indra and Octavia, those were bad."

The images in her mind are enough to distract Lexa and make her forget Clarke's injuries.

For a long moment they remain silent in their own contemplations; knowing they have to speak but not daring to take the first step.

After a while, Clarke is the one who starts.

"When I became commander, I used to spend hours here after meetings; just looking at the stars… thinking about you," she sighs with melancholy "missing you like crazy; day by day trying to find some courage to live without you… trying to find reasons to survive without you."

A knot forms in Lexa's throat as she hears Clarke's –not so nice- recollections.

"I kinda did," Clarke continues with the same gloominess hanging over her, "but for that I had to push away all of my feelings for you, I…" she swallows hard. "I had to detach myself from my soul, the part where you were in, to be able to carry on."

Lexa has to close her eyes to that, only imagining what Clarke must have gone through –literally having to stop being herself- in order to keep living.

"It was not nice… losing a part of myself." Clarke confesses while her jaw tenses up. "I mean I never took it as something wrong, hell I wasn't even aware of it until…" she pauses briefly to look at Lexa before complementing with a shy smile, "until you came back."

It is suddenly too much for Lexa: remembering all the things she's done but receiving that sweet smile from Clarke all the same. She can't take it anymore, nor help herself when the next words escape her lips.

"We've changed," Lexa says out of the blue, causing Clarke to gaze at her with a lifted brow.

"We are different from when we first met" Lexa continues, trying to find the exact words to deliver her message. "I was reborn in a different world to the one I was accustomed to, you took charge of our people and you were part of the change, facing different difficulties than the ones I had to."

Clarke just stares at her, listening carefully to Lexa's every word.

"I don't know Clarke I… I think this is not what we both expected; from the very beginning I was very certain about my goal, which was to be with you. Somehow along the way I missed my objective, I took you for granted Clarke." Lexa turns her head to look at Clarke squarely in the eyes. "I feel I'm not the same woman who once fell in love with you, I'm not the same leader that made decisions with certainty and steadiness, now I'm just…" she shakes her head in disapproval at herself, never taking her eyes away from Clarke. "I feel like a little girl; just a confused teenage girl… one that doesn't deserve your love, the love of the commander."

There it is again, an outcome Clarke can't say she wasn't expecting, she knows where this is going and she wants to stop it before it turns unnecessarily bitter.

"It's been sixteen years Lexa of course we are different." She states sighing annoyingly before completing her thoughts, "we didn't even have the time to get to know each other the first time. So I am not surprised that we encounter some issues. I admit I didn't think it would be so fucking complicated but, it is what it is." Clarke utters more to herself than to Lexa but then continues getting back on track. "Look, I didn't get into this relationship expecting it to be perfect; truth is we are going to fuck up many times through the years, but we must learn from our mistakes and just keep working on it."

Lexa exhales in defeat, ready to reboot Clarke's statements. "But Clarke, I'm a mess; I don't even know what I'm doing anymore."

"Who does?" Clarke interrupts with a pointed look. "Do you think I had any idea of what I was doing when I took command? Or when you came back? I was a mess too Lexa, we are human, it happens."

Sunk in her own negativity and not willing to let Clarke see past her arguments Lexa counteracts, more agitated. "Don't you see Clarke? I'm not deserving of your love anymore, not like this, not in this body that has only brought me confusion and unwanted yearnings that I'm not able to control anymore. You don't need to put up with a little girl who can't even deal with herself, you're the commander, you deserve…"

"First of all I'm not your fucking commander, I'm just Clarke OK?" Clarke cuts Lexa off to make something perfectly clear. "I'm not gonna make the same mistake, and you won't let me either, in private I'm your girlfriend Lexa, nothing more. We agree on that right?" With that settled and with Lexa's slow nod she carries on. "And frankly I don't need you to tell me what I can put up with or what I deserve, I'm a big girl Lexa I can decide for myself what is good for me or what is not; what I want or what I don't. You don't get to tell me how I should feel."

Lexa opens her mouth to protest but Clarke won't let her; communicating something she discovered the hard way some years ago.

"I'm sorry to break it to you Lexa but this is not about deserving, this is not about choosing what you can put up with or not; this is life, as unfair or fucked up as it sounds, simple as that. You just have to navigate through it and if you can, stay alive." Clarke runs a hand through her hair finalizing her point. "Same thing concerning our feelings; truth is nobody knows what to do regarding love; we are all doing what we can and hoping for the best, that's all."

Lexa remains still, recalling that she once had that same philosophy; probably not as properly scrutinized but the idea was there: survive or die. It sounded so logical to her before, and actually that's exactly what she did in order to keep her people alive but now for some reason she finds it harder to grasp, especially now that her heart and mind are filled with the compassion and tenderness she was raised with; consciously aware of consequences, open to embrace guilt. As a commander it was so easy to make a decision omitting the emotional factor, for the common good so to speak but now it seems to be a monumental task, a contradiction that doesn't seem to reconcile with her previous or current knowledge. 'How…?'

"Do you love me?"

The question catches Lexa off guard. She blinks rapidly in an effort to take in the intimate query.

"Do you love me?" Clarke repeats the question softly but firmly.

Once the words sank deeply inside Lexa the answer came as natural as breathing. "Yes" she replies with conviction.

"Do you want this to work?"

The question almost sounds offensive, therefore Lexa replies fast and hard "of course!"

"Good!" Clarke nods self-assured "That's the only thing that matters."

The silence that follows isn't uncomfortable but more reflective.

Lexa ponders the fact she doesn't have responsibilities anymore which probably contributes to her acting less centered and more impulsive, while Clarke reminisces about the terrible days she faced and the rough decisions she had to make, all in favor of building a nation.

Both leaders –in their time- forced to make life or death choices, facing war, trying to keep their people safe; now realizing the challenge of their relationship is by far the strongest one they've had ever encountered.

In that moment and invaded by all the feelings that are running through her whole being, Lexa abruptly kneels in front of Clarke. "I'm sorry" she croaks, with eyes fixed on Clarke's; holding onto Clarke's knees with both hands.

A soft gasp escapes Clarke's throat, completely taken aback by the action.

"I'm sorry for the pain I caused you when I stupidly shared my body with another; a body that I swore would be only yours," Lexa expresses with genuine regret. "I'm sorry for my immaturity and lack of communication when I should have shared my doubts and fears with you from the beginning."

Clarke nods slowly in involuntary acknowledgment.

"I'm sorry for underestimating you as a leader in the past, not realizing sooner how wise and brave you were," Lexa proceeds with her laments from her previous life.

That causes Clarke to sport a sad smile. She gently places her hands on top of Lexa's.

"And I'm sorry for…." Lexa's throat constricts at what she's about to disclose, the topic still tearing her up from the inside despite the time that has passed. "I'm sorry for leaving you alone at Mount Weather… to die," she manages to expel with great difficulty, gulping hard in order to continue. "I should have never done that" Lexa finishes as a single tear rolls down her cheek.

Clarke's eyes close for a couple of seconds; the memories affecting her inevitably but she recovers quickly ready to refute her girlfriend's regrets, "Lexa, it's OK. I understand now; I know why you did it. It hurts to remember yes, but since I've already gone through hell all these years to protect our people, now I get it."

"No, it's not OK!" Lexa shakes her head. "You are my love Clarke I shouldn't have left your side, I betrayed you, your people… I betrayed your love…our love," her voice cracks as she attempts to carry on. "Of all the unspeakable things I did in my previous life, as a commander that's the one I will always regret the most."

It's an admission that shocks Clarke. Even though she was already aware at the time that something was starting to develop between them, she wasn't very sure how strongly Lexa felt for her. Now that she knows, it's still somehow something difficult to process, but also beautiful. She finds it really amazing the way they fell in love with each other despite the inconvenient times; and when they were abruptly separated, life managed to find another way to get them together regardless of the unconventional circumstances.

A love that was meant to be for sure, against all odds.

"Oh honey" Clarke whispers, touched by the declaration. She caresses Lexa's face tenderly, her eyes filling up with tears.

The affection and love Lexa is able to perceive from Clarke is overpowering; she can't believe after all she has done that Clarke can even look at her that way. The capacity of love and forgiveness from Clarke will never cease to amaze Lexa and it's too much to bear. "I'm…" she chokes as her face contorts with emotion. "I'm so sorry…" Lexa manages to utter weakly before letting her head fall upon Clarke's lap and breaks into uncontrollable sobs.

This time, Clarke refrains from saying anything else, simply stroking Lexa's head, letting the teen vent, getting the pressure off of her chest; letting her own pressure to be released in the form of tears.

Lexa has a lot of things on her mind, lots of shame and regret; wishing she could express how bad she feels; apologize to the woman she loves in a better way but she finds herself at a loss; so she continues to cry and let go like she never has before.

While Clarke continues her sweet touches, her mind evokes a similar scenario where she had a whipping Lexa in her arms; a Lexa that was still the most powerful woman on the planet. Who knew that behind her rudeness and apparent coldness there was a simple girl full of love and sensitivity? What a wonderful privilege it is to witness the most vulnerable moments of her favorite warrior, one that becomes a sweet loving being when she is with her.

The tension dissipates little by little as the minutes pass by; Clarke can feel herself calming down as well as Lexa whose shoulders have stopped shaking. She is not in a rush; so, as she waits Clarke takes the opportunity to rethink what is troubling them both, analyzing every situation; making her own final conclusions.

Lexa's sobs eventually subside as she feels secure and comfortable in Clarke's presence. She exhales deeply and rearranges herself so she can lean more comfortably on Clarke's lap; enjoying the new position. She's not sure what to do or what to say after the emotional moment they just experienced, she tries to come up with something appropriate but Clarke's small chuckle catches her attention.

"You know?" Clarke verbalizes while still caressing Lexa's hair, even when the brunette has moved her head just enough to watch her. "I spent so many nights racking my brain about what to do with this but you know what?" She makes what sounds like a relieved sigh. "We can decide to make it as complicated or as simple as we want Lexa, there's no rules on how to deal with our relationship, nobody can tell us what to do; is completely and solely our choice."

Lexa considers briefly what she just heard, soon sharing her view "well, yeah… even the spirits are here to guide our lives, not to rule over them."

"Exactly" Clarke remarks, respecting and taking into account Lexa's beliefs. Then in a more serious note she adds "I'm not gonna lie here Lexa, this is gonna be really hard for both of us, to build a future together."

It sounds so stern to Lexa that for a moment she feels a bit scared. She wants to tell Clarke exactly that, but what comes next, puts her mind at ease once again.

"Luckily, fighting is something we are both good at. We once fought for our people, I believe this time we can make the same effort for us, don't you think?"

And Lexa replies resolutely, "Yes I do".

"Besides," Clarke helps Lexa up so she can sit next to her again, "we didn't go through all that shit to give up now."

"True that," Lexa concedes with a beam. After a few seconds of only staring at Clarke and mulling something over in her head Lexa asserts "Clarke," she takes her girl's hands, "I promise you that from now on I will commit my life to cherish you, respect you and treat you right; never take you for granted. I will devote myself to give you the relationship you dreamed of and to make you happy till my last breath."

Clarke's face lights up at the sweet and solemn vow, making one herself "and I promise to love you with every fiber of my being, and to give myself to you." She squeezes Lexa's fingers in hers in emphasis "I will never take us as a sure thing, but as something that we have to nurture day by day and enjoy it to the fullest, every single second. After all you only live once."

At the last sentence both exchange quizzical gazes.

"Or… twice?" Lexa replies with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Suddenly both erupt into a fit of laughter.

And then amongst the laughter and the intimacy that now surrounds them, they silently come to the conclusion that both are in fact different but there is something that hasn't changed, it's the love they hold for one another.

When their mirth wanes and they get back to the solemnity of their conversation; Lexa asks a simple but very important question.

"Now what?"

The answer is just as simple.

"Now, we sleep."

Saying that Clarke takes Lexa's hand and slowly guides them to her bedroom where they spend the most calm and relaxing night in a long while; finally in each other's arms, actually sleeping.