"What do you mean, you've never been to a party?!"
It was the last Saturday in June. They were between tall shelves in the Forks public library, clutching coffees; dull blue light filtered in the windows at the end of the aisle. Bella's mustard-yellow backpack was slung over a chair a few feet away.
Bella shook her head, tucking her hair behind her ear as she pored over the shelves. "Not really my thing."
"Okay, but like, never been to one? Ever, at all?" Leah was incredulous.
Bella fixed Leah with a baleful gaze over her shoulder. "Are you really that surprised?"
"Ugh. No, but I am disappointed. We're fixing that."
Bella groaned. Leah ignored her. "You are turning eighteen in three months, B. I refuse to let you become an adult without ever acting like a teenager."
"I just don't see the point. And we've done plenty of irresponsible things in the last month alone."
Leah shook her head. "Nowhere near enough."
Bella chewed her thumb. Leah stared at her in the mirror. "Well?"
Bella sighed dramatically. "I look stupid."
"You do NOT look stupid. You look hot, because you are. A hot, weird, awkward girl."
"Wow. Thanks, Leah."
Leah huffed.
They were standing in Leah's room, clothes strewn over the floor and the futon that served as the girl's bed. She'd insisted on dressing Bella in an outfit from her closet - they'd bickered over every article of clothing she pulled out, until they finally settled on a pair of Bella's cut-off shorts and one of Leah's cropped, long-sleeve shirts, a light blush pink; it hugged her waist and left a little bit of her midriff exposed. Bella wrapped her arms around her middle, feeling a little exposed.
Leah sighed and unwrapped her friend's arms. The taller girl wore a tattered men's flannel with the sleeves ripped off over a loose tank top and a pair of tiny jean shorts. Bella groaned, watching her friend's bronze skin in the mirror.
Leah's face lit up. "Wait. Don't move."
Bella watched as she began to dig around in a pile in the corner of her room. "Close your eyes," Leah ordered.
Bella obeyed, muttering under her breath. She heard the cd player click open as a new disc was inserted. Leah cranked the volume as the thrumming beat began to play. Bella groaned. "Turn it off-"
"No cheating, close your eyes." Bella crossed her arms, weight shifting from one leg to the other.
"Okay. Keep your eyes closed, and move to the beat."
"I can't dance."
"Have I ever led you astray in all the time we've been friends?" Leah asked sardonically.
"You mean in the last four weeks? Yes, you've been a consistently bad influence." Bella peeked at Leah's deadpan gaze through one eye.
"Clearly you need help. Give me your hands."
Leah grabbed her friend's hand and pulled her into the middle of the room. Bella tripped over some clothes on the ground, and they both snickered. She felt herself blushing. "I feel ridiculous!"
"Dancing is an important part of being a teenager. We're going to drink a beer, and you're going to keep your eyes closed, and practice dancing until you don't care if anyone is looking at you."
"Don't hold your breath," Bella grumbled.
Leah disappeared into the hallway and down the stairs. Bella heard Seth giving her shit as soon as he saw her in the living room; she smiled, but she kept her eyes closed, listening for her friend's quick gait up the stairs.
"Okay." She pressed a cool aluminum can into her hand; they both cracked their cans open. The bubbly beverage was already less objectionable to her taste than it was a few short weeks ago. Leah grabbed her hand again and bumped her hip against Bella's, making her laugh. Fighting the trepidation sitting at the base of her neck, she started to let her hips sway to the music. "I feel stupid."
"You look great. You don't even need help!" Leah dropped her hand.
Bella danced for another beat, before a suspicious click sounded, followed by the mechanical whir of a film camera. Her eyes snapped open. "No fair!"
Leah snickered, holding the print out of reach.
Bella grimaced, feeling foolish as her friend fanned herself with the tiny print. "Is that a polaroid?"
"Had it forever, but it was busted. Dad sent it to some repair shop for me. I finally got it back this week," Leah stared at the vintage camera in her hands. "Film is fucking expensive, though."
"So why are you wasting it on me?" Bella sipped her beer, one hand on her hip. She was getting genuinely irritated at finding herself the constant subject of Leah's photography habit.
Leah had a small smile, watching the photo bloom on the picture. "Look." She held it out to Bella, who took it reluctantly. She took a heavier swig of her beer, snuck Leah a stink eye, then looked at the picture.
Again, Leah's camera managed to capture Bella as she'd never dared to see herself. Dark hair fell over her slender shoulders, her hips moving to the beat, eyes closed as she clutched a condensated light beer in her hands, surrounded by the posters that wallpapered Leah's room. Bella's face held humor and insecurity all at once; she felt a sudden surge of tenderness for her friend's attempts to force her to see herself in a new light. Her mouth twisted into a small smile. "Thanks, Leah."
"Don't mention it," Leah slurped her beer. "Drink up, or we're going to miss all the fun."
They raided Harry's beer fridge on the way out of the garage. Leah caught a glimpse of guilt on Bella's face.
"Don't feel bad. They know what I'm up to, they just don't care. It's easier for them to pretend I'm out of control, that way they don't have to do anything. Plus, we need this beer more than my dad does."
Bella shrugged. She couldn't argue with her logic.
They walked down a twisting trail to a beach a little further south than where they usually spent their evenings. The air was warm from the day's sun, but the breeze coming off the ocean raised goosebumps on their exposed skin. Bella toted a backpack and watched her feet, listening to the ragged thrum of the water long before it came into view.
The sand slowed her down considerably as she babied her leg; Leah pushed ahead just a little, cracking open a new beer as a bonfire came into view.
There were probably 20 people there, mostly their age or a little older. Someone had a battery-operated CD player going and there was a small impromptu dance party happening nearby to some top 40 hits.
Though stress coiled in her stomach, standing next to Leah made Bella feel a little less out of place; her demeanor was casual, not overly friendly. Some kids gave them a wide berth, which they both noticed.
Leah causally greeted a few people and they found a spot near the fire to sit with their beers; Bella lit them both a cigarette.
Leah's eyes searched the crowd as a few more teenagers joined the group. Most everyone was a reservation kid, but there were a few from Forks, though no one that Bella knew by name. A few of them seemed to know her, though; they watched her and whispered to one another.
Bella leaned back on her elbows, observing her peers. A group of girls danced in a dense clump, watching the older guys who brought the beer, laughing; a few couples swayed in each other's arms, and a few more laid in the sand, drinking or ignoring the party altogether, preferring the opportunity to mack on each other.
She'd always felt like an outsider among people of her age, but being here just intensified the sensation. She caught Leah's eye and raised an eyebrow.
"Taking notes?" Leah slurped her beer. Bella rolled her eyes. "I feel like I'm the one on display," Bella admitted.
Leah nodded. "The broken girls on the edge," she murmured. Bella sighed an assent.
Leah suddenly leaned back, draining her beer can, before jumping up and grabbing Bella's wrist. "Come on."
Bella protested, but got up to her feet. "What?"
"We're going to blend in," Leah dragged her over to the impromptu dance floor.
Bella whined. "No way. I'm not-"
"Dance, B."
"I can't-" Bella hissed, feeling her face flush bright red.
"Close your eyes. Like before." Leah closed her own eyes and started dancing. She held onto Bella's wrist. Her bare feet kicked in the sand; she tossed her head and let the beat move her hips.
Bella watched for a beat, then, sighing, gave in; she downed the rest of her own drink and closed her eyes. Just dance. Let the beat move me.
It might have been the song that was playing, or maybe the fact that she'd had a few beers now and was feeling pleasantly buzzed; but she started to feel a little pleasure in the cool sand under her feet, the wind moving her hair as she swayed. Leah's sure hand helped her move in rhythm, but really, it wasn't so alien; the dance classes she had as a kid hadn't cured her klutziness, but she could find the beat.
An image of the dance studio flashed in her mind, and she squeezed her eyes shut. Flames. Pain. Not that. Her heart skipped several beats.
"I need a cig." She wrenched her wrist free of Leah's grip and walked unsteadily back to her backpack. Panic swirled sluggishly in her stomach, making her lightheaded; she dropped to her knees to dig in her backpack, trying to control her breath. Finally, she found what she searched for; shaking hands brought a cigarette out of the pack and up to her mouth.
She heard a sigh behind her, and looked up to find Leah standing over her, hand on her hip. Her friend gestured towards her, crouched on the ground.
"Had a thought," Bella choked out. Leah shook her head. "You're a basketcase, you know that?"
The night got cooler. It didn't take long for them to kill the six pack they'd pilfered from Harry's fridge, sitting off at the edge of the party where Bella felt more comfortable. Leah distracted her friend with a running commentary on the other partygoers, making her giggle and wiping that look of sheer terror off her face.
They leaned against the counters in the kitchen at the Clearwaters, silently eating peanut butter sandwiches Leah had sloppily put together after they crept back inside.
Leah watched Bella as she slowly chewed, her eyes unfocused.
"Whatdja think?"
"About what?"
"Your first party."
Bella snorted and shrugged. "Drinking beers with you, same as any other night."
Leah rolled her eyes. "Great. I'll put you down for the next one."
Bella awoke to the dull gray light of near-dawn. Sitting up suddenly, she was momentarily disoriented, before remembering she'd slept over at Leah's again.
The tall girl was moving quietly, getting dressed in the room. "Where you going?" Bella mumbled, pushing her hair out of her face.
"For a run," Leah murmured, securing her hair in a long, dark braid. "Wanna come?"
"I don't run," Bella sighed, stretching.
"You don't dance either. Or drink, or smoke." Leah crossed her arms over her chest, one eyebrow raised. Bella fixed her with a skeptical look.
"Come on. We'll go slow, promise."
Leah's version of slow, of course, proved to be much faster than Bella was capable of jogging, but her friend mostly stayed within her sights, and fell back every so often to let her friend catch up. Leah ignored her friend's occasional coughing protests, keeping them moving at what was probably a plodding pace up the road. Bella was sure that they'd turned around sooner than Leah would have if she were on her own, but she didn't complain.
"Come on. One foot in front of the other," Leah ordered.
Bella grunted, irritated that her friend didn't even sound out of breath.
Arriving at the Clearwater front yard, Bella slowed to a walk, face beet red and occasionally coughing as she wheezed. Leah shook her head. "You're smoking too much."
Bella shot her a look, leaning over as she fought to catch her breath. "No more than you."
"I exercise more."
"Eughh. Water."
Bella wouldn't have admitted it then, but as clambered into the red Chevy and drove the now-familiar twisting road back out to the main access road, she felt good. Not the numbed, clouded way that she felt after a few beers; that was pleasant, but it made her sluggish, and as the bruises on her hips and legs would attest, it certainly didn't improve her coordination.
This was a much clearer feeling, brighter. Her heart rate was still slowing down; she chewed her cheek as she drove, a fine mist starting to come down as she left the reservation.
The old Chevy groaned as she pulled in front of her house. Charlie's cruiser was already gone for the day; judging by the dishes in the sink, he hadn't had much of a dinner last night.
Her stomach twisted in guilt. It had been a few days since she'd seen Charlie.
After a shower, she felt amazing. Her mind didn't start to race, as it usually did the moment she was alone in her house. Her legs felt weak, but her chest felt lighter than it had since she'd started sneaking cigarettes. Toweling her hair dry, she stretched, feeling more inside her body than she had in a while. Maybe, ever.
The rain picked up, pattering against her bedroom window.