"Go ahead, by all means." Georgiana replied, somewhat relieved.
"I want to begin by saying that the cessation of our friendship was something that I did not take lightly, nor do I take lightly still."
"Go on."
"I know we have grown into different women with different beliefs, but I hope we may always respect one another."
"Is that all?" Georgiana asked.
"No, but I think it's important to begin on terms of civility." Charlotte replied.
"Civility. Yes." Georgiana whispered.
More silence, as the two women both reflected.
"Why didn't you come to my wedding? Is it because as Sidney said, you object to my religion?" Charlotte queried, straight to the point.
Georgiana considered. She was glad to see Charlotte was ever herself, unafraid to mince words.
"Yes, and no. I do object to your religion, but not just yours, but nearly all of formal piety disgusts me. No priest or vicar or missionary is of use to me unless they donate their money to my causes, but they always want to have a say and spread their beliefs too. For every ounce of good they bring, I have to put up with their babblings."
"You didn't come to my wedding because you don't like evangelization?" Charlotte looked puzzled.
"Perhaps. I suppose I am English enough to be suspicious of Catholics, and your lot is especially fervent and exclusive. When you wrote that you had converted, and converted for a MAN at that, it felt like a betrayal. It felt like you had joined the side of the oppressor, felt like you had abandoned yourself for the sake of a marriage, and a loveless one at that." Georgiana rushed out.
Charlotte remained as collected as she could, but some anger brewed beneath the surface.
"I wonder if my church wasn't your only objection."
"Why do you say that?"
"You call my first marriage loveless."
"But of course, wasn't it? We all knew you were in love with Sidney, you still are in love with Sidney." Georgiana seemed confused for the first time.
"Certainly, I loved Sidney, and yes I do love him now. But marrying James was not ever loveless. What did you think my purpose was?"
"I'd heard of his estate, that he was the heir to an earldom. I thought it was status."
"Hardly, we inherited a mortgaged estate, and status among a small set of Catholic gentry perhaps. But until recently, we lived rather modestly."
"And, love? What of Sidney, and that summer you spent with us? We never spoke of it again. Not truly."
"The love I have for Sidney, and the love I have for James are two different things. When I left here my heart was indeed broken, but James helped me put the pieces back together. With him I grew up, I matured from the girlish ways of that summer. He gave me his religion, and I came to know God. I know you think faith is the consolation of simpletons, of ladies like your old governess, not something a woman who knows herself and her mind could find strength in. But that was the funny thing, it did strengthen me. And I seek not to convert you against your will, I only want to tell you who I am now." Charlotte finished.
"I appreciate that, Charlotte, truly."
After a time of light chatter, Charlotte grew curious again.
"You must have had other doubts about my marriage."
"I did." Georgiana answered.
"Which were?"
"Akin to what I said before about lovelessness. I thought you had betrayed Sidney. I thought if only you waited."
"How could I have waited?" Charlotte replied, incredulous.
"At first, of course, you could not. His wedding to the late Lady Eliza was so swift, and she was so decisive in all matters. But then she left, and died when the girls were small. I almost wrote to you, in anger and in hope, to tell you to come back, we were ready for you, we needed you. His girls needed you." A tear filled Georgiana's eye as she remembered those days.
"What stopped you from sending it?"
"I saw you."
"What? When?"
"At Norfolk House, the same winter that Eliza died."
"You were at Norfolk House! I don't know what surprises me more, that you know the Duke of Norfolk, or that I did not recognize you there. It was a Twelfth Night ball, was it not?"
"Neither of those could be true; for I do not know the Duke of Norfolk, but a cousin of his. And because I took great care not to be seen, for my connection with the gentleman was delicate, shall we say. I observed you arriving, from an upstairs window."
Charlotte looked momentarily scandalized.
"I take your meaning." She said quietly.
"That is beside the point, however. I saw you get out of your carriage, with your husband's help. I never saw his face, but I saw you were to have a child."
Charlotte winced.
"Forgive me my dear, whatever is wrong?"
"That was David."
"You were with another man?" Georgiana's thoughts raced. Was this the woman who just reacted to her own admission of paramours?
"No, no. That was my husband you saw. But the child I was carrying, that was David. He was stillborn."
"Oh. Oh my dear, I am so sorry."
"Please, do not trouble yourself. I do not speak of it to anyone. Not even Sidney."
"Charlotte, surely you must—"
"No more, I beg." Charlotte cleared her throat, and continued to speak in an altogether different tone than the hurried and hurt way she described her lost child, it was as if it had never been spoken of, "I'm surprised you never heard of my family from Mary or Esther through the years. We kept in touch through letters, you know."
"Um, I might have," Georgiana felt uncomfortable at the topic change, "but Sidney couldn't bear to hear your name discussed. For a very long time, only Mary and I knew of the love you two shared."
"Then why did you not learn of me from Mary?"
"Because I also did not want to know. As the years have continued I've felt a loyalty to Sidney I did not when I was a girl. When I saw his heartbreak…"
"I understand. I never sought out knowledge of you, either. I cannot claim superiority."
"We both let our friendship go." Georgiana concluded this thought.
"Tell me, whatever happened to Otis, Mr. Molyneux?" Charlotte inquired.
"I think perhaps I shall keep that information for another time. Tell me of James, your husband? Who was he, what sort of man?" Georgiana asked. A tenderness had found its way into their conversation.
Charlotte smiled.
"He was not like Sidney."
Georgiana laughed too.
"That could mean any number of things."
"Indeed, it could. And frankly, I don't know if it is fair for me to compare them. I feel I am still getting to know Sidney all over again, now as a middle-aged man, a father. My perception might be off. But James was not easily rattled, seldom did he have a temper. He laughed freely, and loved to entertain. He saw good in everyone, and was rarely suspicious. He loved to read with me, play cards with his mama and sisters, play cricket and ride on horseback, and any number of athletic pursuits." Charlotte described, seemingly falling into a trance as she spoke.
Georgiana fell in right with her. But what they did not realize was that during their conversation, the children and Sidney had returned from their walk.
"And what did he look like?"
"He was of middling height, slim body, the most beautiful dark curling hair, he wore it long to his shoulders when we were first courting. I loved to run my hands through it. When he turned thirty he began to sport a beard as well, and I loved that too. He seemed almost rugged, like a man from another age." Charlotte smiled at the memory.
"His eyes, what color?" Georgiana had turned almost romantic in her questioning.
"Hazel, with a strong touch of green. I loved to see him in the color. Because of that, I love to wear deep green. It feels like something of his."
They continued to speak, not noticing that the door was just slightly ajar. Just beyond the crack, Sidney listened to their conversation. He'd only heard the latter part, but it was more than enough. His cheek pressed against the grain of the wood, and he could hear his pulse. Green. He'd noticed how she'd favored the color so, like the night at the opera when they'd flirted to the embarrassment of their children. Insecurity crept up in him, questions like Does she dress herself up for me? Or, How does she describe me to others? He shook himself to stop this train of thought, he knew it would drive him mad. In doing so, he inadvertently pushed the door open a bit, and conversation stopped within.
"Hello? Dearest?" Charlotte called.
Sidney stepped in and nodded to the two women, both bearing expressions that told him they knew precisely what he'd been doing, but each in their own way. Georgiana with one perfectly arched brow perked up, Charlotte with the corners of her mouth just slightly turned down.
"Ladies." He offered, attempting a smile..
"How was the walk? You mustn't have gone very far, we've only been talking a quarter of an hour." Charlotte asked him.
"Some amateur theatrics turned us around sooner than I hoped." Sidney continued.
"If you two will excuse me, I best see to my correspondence." Georgiana practically jogged out of the room, so intent she was upon leaving the awkward situation.
Charlotte began to laugh quietly to herself.
"What is so funny?" Sidney queried her.
"Only that, the Georgiana of our youth would never have left such a scene. She would have been eager to witness any sort of tussle between us."
"She is a most sensible woman, her work requires her to be tactful."
"Yes, I suppose we aren't all confined to remain who we were at 18. Thanks be to God." Charlotte smiled.
"I liked who you were when you were 18." Sidney settled into the chair that Georgiana had just vacated.
"You didn't know me when I was 18." Charlotte countered, matter of factly.
"Well, I liked who you were when you were twenty, then.
"More than who I am now?"
"I did not say that."
"Hm," Charlotte's eyebrows raised, "I know what you meant."
Husband and wife sat in silence, Sidney focused on warming himself after the brisk walk, and Charlotte was lost in her own thoughts. Thoughts on everything from what was on the dinner menu, to her diminished wardrobe since eloping, to her lack of honeymoon sans children, and finally, to her two husbands. Each of them posed a challenge for her, and those challenges were different. With James, so exuberant and exciting, he required someone to settle him, to give him structure and guide him in responsibility. He'd had a heart of gold, but he was not rigid about anything outside of religion.
Sidney, oh Sidney. He could have run everything, estates, children, his career, even her social life, with "one eye tied behind his back" as her own father used to say. The picture of responsibility, of self-sufficiency and order. She could see that he needed someone to liven him up, to allow him to see the beauty and frivolity of life. He must learn to share, not only the work he did, but his thoughts, his desires. Charlotte excelled in many things, but making people talk was one of her special talents.
Sidney, in his defense, had nary a clue about how to be married properly. He'd been married of course, but he'd never been a true partner with Eliza. He was trying his best, he told himself.
The library door was knocked upon, and then a footman entered, carrying a tray of mail.
"For you, Lady Parker." He bowed, set the tray upon the table next to Charlotte's seat, and then exited the room.
There was but one thick, creamy envelope that rested upon the tray.
"Now what could this be? Nobody knows we're here." Sidney pondered, holding his hands before the fire.
"Don't be so certain. My mother-in-law's circle is wide and she knows her audience." Charlotte replied, turning the letter over, and immediately recognizing the impression in the wax seal. She broke it, and retrieved the expensive papers within.
"An invitation?" Queried her husband.
"Yes, my dear. An invitation to a ball in London. For us and our elder children."
"From?"
"His Grace The Duke of Norfolk."
Author's note: Y'ALL! Writing a fic has shown me to be such a fake fan/imposter at times… I know the Georgiana and Charlotte loss of friendship seems odd…and that is because after writing this story for TWO years I realized I had ENTIRELY forgotten a main character. Mea culpa! I suppose things work out for the sake of drama.