"Honestly I think I am fine with it, with everything I have been through I feel as though it has made me stronger, maybe it won't be so bad." Jasper rubs the back of my hand with his thumb. "But I guess it doesn't matter, we still would have to figure out who would want to change me and Carlisle and Edward both seem against it." Jasper chuckles. "Well I could always change you, you are my mate it would make sense." I look into Jaspers eyes and see his eyes are filled with sincerity. "But, there are werewolves on the reservation, and we have a treaty with them, if we bit any human in town the treaty is void and they have every right to kill us." "Well I don't want anyone to die over me." Jasper touches my cheek.
"There might be a way, I could get my venom into a syringe and inject it that way. But I want you to think on it for a while, at least until your wounds are healed." I nod my head in response and lean into his hand. "Get some sleep dove, it has been a long day." Jasper leans in and kisses my forehead, then gets up and walks out the door, closing it behind him. As I lay in bed trying to sleep another vision comes to my mind, it's me as a vampire, but I'm doing something strange, I'm in the middle of the forest and growing plants by just placing my hands in front of them, I'm making them come alive and wrap around the surrounding trees making them blossom. Then I see a giant black wolf running towards me, without even thinking I move my hands in quick movements and wrap them around the wolf squeezing it to death. When I come out of the vision I am too tired to call for someone to talk to this about and I fall asleep.
I wake in the next morning and when I get downstairs the only person I see in the house is Roasalie. "Can I speak with you please?" I nod in response and I make my way to sit next to the blonde bombshell on the couch. "I don't think you should become a vampire." She says without looking my way. "Why?" Roasalie looks at me and tells me her gruesome story about how she became a vampire, and how she wishes she wasn't one because she has always wanted children and to grow old with Emmet. "I'll eventually tell Bella this, as it is the reason I don't like her, she has no regard for her human life and I hate it. Please don't make me think the same of you." I look at her for a few seconds before speaking. "Well, if you're worried I might eventually want children and feel like you, save your breath, I can't have children. My father had beaten me so badly after my mother passed that they had to remove my uterus along with my appendix and gallbladder." I pause and get up, slightly lifting up my shirt to show my surgical scars. "As for the other things, I am so sorry you had to go through the things you did, but you came out stronger because of it, not only because you were turned, but because of the situation in itself." I sigh.
"I want to be strong Roasalie, and to be honest, I hate the idea of growing old. The thought of dying terrifies me, the thought of being so old I can't even take care of myself scares me, but life, life makes me happy. I have always wanted to be a vampire, even when I thought it was fiction, because the thought of being able to live forever brings me joy. To be able to experience everything the world has to offer with minimal limits, to be able to see humanity advance well beyond my imagination, to learn everything I would never have time to learn in my human life, well that just sounds amazing, and I get if you hate me after hearing this, but nothing can change my mind. If I have to go on a search for a different vampire then I will." I sigh again and sit down, the look Roasalie is giving me is unreadable. "I-I'm sorry, not being able to have children, that's a pain I can sympathize with, and if you really feel that way then maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. I still wouldn't wish this life on my worst enemy but if it would truly make you that happy, who am I to stop you?" When I look back up at Roasalie shes smiling at me. "Thank you." I say smiling back.