Every Little Thing

by wolvesjr34

Sequel to What if It's You. Jane and Maura face major hurdles in chasing their happily ever after. An attack on Missy six months ago has widespread ramifications as she falls apart and Jane swoops in to play saviour. But at what cost? It's a soap, characters have evolved since the prequel and are going to be OOC by the sheer nature of it being a SOAP.

32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty Two

Alec sat in a worn black leather armchair in his living room. An old black and white movie playing on the television provided the only light emanating from his entire house. He swallowed a hearty mouthful of a 25 year old scotch whiskey he had been saving for a special occasion. He rolled the remaining whiskey around the ice in his glass, captivated by the swirl in the dim light.

His thoughts were heavy with concern for Gabby, because while she may have miraculously survived her suicide by criminal, there was a long road to recovery and the physical was the least of her problems. Her mind was clearly in a dark place and he didn't know what to do about it. As it stood only he could really say for sure that her intention tonight was suicide and that meant it was on him to make the tough call. She needed help and while the Tasmanian Police took mental health seriously there was always the possibility that a mental break like this might end her career.

Alec swallowed another mouthful of the whiskey, embracing the familiar burn as it went down his throat. He couldn't let Gabby simply throw her career away, so he would talk to her and figure out if this would be a problem moving forward. If she'd swallowed a bunch of pills and somehow survived he'd feel less trepidation protecting her, but she would never do that. She wouldn't choose to take her own life, she was too proud. No, the danger was in her recklessness. The danger was in his willingness, and the willingness of practically every cop she worked with to dive into the breach to save her from herself. She could get someone killed just because she didn't care. That was the real problem. It was one thing for him to assume the risk knowing ahead of time, but he wasn't the only person she worked with. It was a horrible position she had placed him in.

A floorboard in the hallway creaked. He turned his head to the doorway and saw a shadowy figure come to a halt. He finished his whiskey, set the glass down on the side table and went right back to watching the John Wayne film he must have seen a dozen times. He mouthed the words in time with John Wayne on the screen as he delivered them, "The bigger the man, the deeper the imprint. And when he's in love, he suffers knowing it's a dead end."

"Did she make it?"

Alec used the remote to mute the television and set it back down where he'd grabbed it from beside his glass of melting ice. He motioned to the coffee table in front of the couch and said, "I thought you might show up tonight."

He listened to the slow, but surely calculated movement of his guest picking up the glass and taking a seat on the couch. He refused to look. Knowing this visit was coming didn't make it something he was ready to confront. His fingers dug into the armrests of his chair as he heard the telltale clinking of ice against glass indicate that his gift had been welcomed.

"You didn't answer my question."

"She made it through surgery. That's all I know."

"Good."

"Is it?" He asked, grinding his molars. He felt a level of agitation he hadn't felt in a long time and while he knew he should be thankful for the intervention, he had so many other concerns. "You interfered with her choice, Becks."

"I saved her life, Alec."

"Some life," he scoffed. "You have no idea what you've done. The position you have put me in."

"She doesn't want to die, Alec. She's just hurting."

He shook his head sadly, disbelieving of the fact he was actually having this conversation. "And why the fuck is that?" He asked, bristling with anger.

"I don't know Alec, why don't you tell me?"

Her voice was so damn condescending. His eyes snapped sideways, shadows danced across her face in the shape of the characters on the television. Her mouth was set tightly and her eyes were harder than he remembered them ever being. "I thought you were keeping an eye on things."

"I didn't anticipate him bringing Alex into this."

At least she sounded remorseful. He sighed and turned back to the television, it hurt too damn much looking at her. "Why the Hell not? He tried to kill Missy twice."

"Because she doesn't matter. He knows that. He knows us inside and out, Alec. Killing Alex was a move nobody could have seen coming."

Perhaps he knew more than she thought, because clearly Alexis mattered. Her death triggered Gabby's spiral into the depths of Hell. His dearest friend was in the ICU because she gave up on life and this woman had the nerve to tell him Alexis didn't matter? "Bullshit. That's her first damn love. You fucked up, Becks. Own it."

"Would you stop calling me that?"

He turned his head and looked right at her, "You fucking signed it at the hospital. You couldn't think of a damn alias that wouldn't give your presence away? Rebecca Thompson? Really? And what the hell were you doing at the park that night?"

Her eyes lit up in surprise. "You saw me?"

"Of course I saw you. I fuckin' feel you when you're near."

"I was worried about her."

"Gabby or Missy?" He asked bitterly, already knowing the answer. Gabby had just held her dying girlfriend in her arms, but the only person that would have mattered was Melissa. Always fucking Melissa.

Silence descended between them. The flickering of the black and white picture on the television just added to an eerie sensation that settled in the pit of Alec's stomach. Fitting really, given he was talking to a 'dead' woman.

"Why did her wife leave?"

Of course she wanted to know. Of course all she could think about was Melissa. He sighed, mentally exhausted from years of lying to everyone around him. "Because she's in love with Jane."

Watching the way her face drew tight and her eyes closed, Alec realised that perhaps he still had some anger rolling around inside. Because seeing the brief moment of resignation on her face felt fucking marvellous. "Nine years is a long time, Rachael. You knew this day would come."

She looked absolutely haunted and the part of him that still loved her felt for her, but she had brought it on herself. She had made the decisions that led to this moment in time.

"I didn't think I'd be gone this long," she admitted quietly.

"You could have come back after Gina died, the case was dead then." He had wanted her to come back, he had hoped she would. The part of the operation she had been witness to was no longer prosecutable, because Gina was dead. The gambit to release Gina back into the wild while the bigger case was built around her had failed. They were left flailing when Gina was victim to a hit and run, and the entire thing came undone for good when Peter died.

"You know I couldn't."

"Your protection was over and done. You absolutely could have come back." He shook his head, a twisted amalgamation of sadness and anger swirling around in his gut. It wasn't even like her being back would have changed much for him. Simply saved him from a few lies, like his masterful performance in the interview room with Jane. He still felt guilty about that. Acting like he had no idea about the hit on Melissa. Of course he knew. There was a lot he knew that Jane didn't.

"Yeah well, life had other plans, didn't it?" Rachael replied, almost sounding like she regretted how her life had gone. But he knew better.

"How is Dylan anyway?"

"Looking more and more like his dad everyday."

"He must be getting big now, what, is he like five or six?"

"He's seven."

"He must hate his mum being gone all the time." Alec mused, trying to just appreciate this moment of civility. This moment of finding out how her life has been going.

"He understands that I help rescue kids like him from very bad people. He's exceptionally understanding for a child of his age."

"Clearly he gets that from his father," Alec teased, a slight hint of sadness in his voice. "How are things between you and Dante?"

"We've been divorced three years, Alec."

Damn.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

They had spoken briefly after her protection ended, just long enough for her to beg him not to tell anybody the truth because she wasn't coming back. She'd met a nice guy early on and she'd needed the distraction having left Melissa behind the way she did. They'd fallen into something comfortable she said, and she was pregnant. She wanted to give Dante a real shot and that had been the end of it. He'd sworn to keep her secret and he had, never speaking to her again until a week after the attack on Melissa in Chicago.

A note had been left for her under the windshield wiper on her car while she was undercover on assignment in Sydney, approximately a month before Melissa was attacked. Someone had recognised her. Someone was out for her blood. Someone hadn't forgotten that Liam O'Connell was still very much missing, presumed dead. She'd had to pull a lot of strings to get out of the operation and get reassigned elsewhere out of a different city, but then the news of Melissa's near miss filtered through channels and she'd sought him out. She knew everyone she cared about at home would become a target. She needed him.

Clearly Rachael had enough of the reminiscing, because she changed the subject. "He's only going to try again. Can Jane keep her safe?"

"Jane would give her life to keep Missy safe." He was certain of it. He had seen the way Jane looked at Melissa and the way her anxiety spiked the moment she couldn't locate her earlier in the evening. The only thing he needed to be sure of was that Maura wouldn't be trying to win Jane back and distracting her from where she was most needed. He got that confirmation earlier tonight.

"So, she loves her too?" Rachael sounded like she was asking after an old friend, but they both knew she was scoping out the competition.

"Without a shadow of a doubt," He said firmly before asking, "Are you thinking about coming back?"

"I can't come back, no matter how much I want to. You know that. He's still out there."

"You said it yourself, he's not going to stop. So come back. Come into the open. We'll be waiting for him." Alec implored, an unexpected desperation pumping through his veins.

"He won't come for me, he'll bait me." Rachael shook her head. "They're already targets enough."

"He's gonna pick them off one by one until he gets you, Rache. Surely you can see that?"

Rachael smiled sadly. "Then you and Jane better get to work."

"So I can tell her everything?" He questioned, completely surprised. She had forbidden him from sharing what they knew with Jane. She didn't trust her. He didn't know if it was Alexis' death and Gabby's spiral, or Melissa's absolute trust given to Jane that changed her mind, but he didn't care. He felt the stress shackled to his soul fall away just knowing he could loop her in. She was damn close to figuring it out anyway.

She nodded, "Just try to keep me out of it. I'm not sure Missy could cope with my resurrection right now."

That was one very valid point, Alec thought, considering Jane's dedication to Melissa was incredibly heightened at the moment. If she found out that Rachael was still alive, well all bets would be off. He rubbed his neck and started chuckling, because he couldn't help but imagine Jane and Rachael meeting face to face.

"What are you laughing at?"

He smirked a little and shook his head, "Nothin'. Your leave is about over, ain't it?"

"Yeah. I'm really gonna need you to step up on this one Alec. Oscar and I have to head back to Canberra in the morning. We've got our next assignment." Rachael stood and dug into her pocket. She pulled out a mobile phone and held it out for him to take. "This phone is untraceable, it has Oscar's contact programmed into it. If this goes sideways, or if anything happens to her, you call and tell him. Alright?"

Alec simply stared at her for a very long time in mild shock. He wasn't sure whether or not to be surprised that she apparently now cared a Hell of a lot about what happened to Melissa, when she had spent nine years pretending she didn't exist. Pretending he didn't exist. Pretending her family didn't exist. There were reasons when they first went into this, but he still couldn't understand how when circumstances changed she still kept everyone in the dark. Was a pregnancy really enough reason to remain dead in the eyes of her family and friends? Yeah it turned out that it had been wise given the psychopathic prick with a bone to pick with them had reactivated, but it didn't make sense. He didn't think it ever would, but then he'd never been in her shoes. He didn't know what it was like to completely disappear not knowing when you would see your family again while living with the understanding that they thought you were dead. Maybe the heartache had been so much that having made a new life for herself it just wasn't worth upending it all for the truth to come out. It was why it was so easy for him to live the lie, because in many ways Rachael Taylor did die that day in 2005. Natasha Holden had risen from the ashes and she was an entirely different woman.

Finally, Alec reached out for the phone, pausing momentarily when their hands connected. He looked up into her eyes, they burned with an intensity that took him right back to the night they'd finally given into their desire for one another. Her touch felt electric, but he dropped his eyes and slid the phone out of her hand because getting lost in the past was pointless. She wasn't back for him. "Sure," he agreed quietly to her request.

"Alec," she whispered almost reverently, kneeling down in front of him. "Look at me."

Reluctantly he lifted his gaze and made the eye contact she was searching for. If he were to describe her super power, it would be moments like this where she could take one look at and see right into the depths of his soul. In a microsecond she could unravel every feeling he tried to hide and he both loved and loathed that ability because it left him and practically anyone who knew her open to being emotionally manipulated. She made him feel like he was soaring through the air, free as a bird, even though his love for her shackled him to the ground.

"I miss you."

He is sure that on some level she does, but he is more than aware that she would say anything to keep him under her thumb. He shook his head slowly, growing weary of letting her control him so easily. "Bullshit. If you missed me, or even Missy as much as you're trying to imply with those eyes of yours right now, you'd have come home already."

"You're right," she admitted quietly. "I should have come home seven years ago, but I didn't and now I have a son to think about. I do miss you Alec, just as I miss her. But I can't turn back the clock. What's done is done."

She looked and sounded genuinely sincere, but it didn't make him feel any better. "It's always going to be her though right?"

She studied him for a long time, just quietly watching the rise and fall of his chest. She looked a little lost in the past, which surprised him. Practically everything she did surprised him, even when it shouldn't. He wondered if she was thinking about their past, their intimacies, while licking her lips and staring at him like a piece of meat or was she simply referencing whichever person, be it Missy or even Dante, that could still elicit that level of desire within her. He honestly wasn't sure he knew this woman anymore, even though his heart beat for her.

Eventually she shrugged and said, "I kind of wish I could have you both."

He arched an eyebrow at that response. That was not the Catholic woman he knew at all. Was she that torn? Was she actually being honest with her statement that she missed him? He shrugged it off. He and Melissa were both way too territorial to share, even if it was a thing that could actually happen. But then, perhaps he did have a chance. Melissa was clearly head over heels for Jane and would probably actually be super pissed at Rachael for her deception. A smile slowly crept across his face. He looked Rachael dead in the eyes and said, "That'll never happen, because she won't choose you."

Rachael smiled devilishly, and quirked an eyebrow in challenge. "You wanna bet?"

"If it means you'll stay, sure, why not?" He knew she wouldn't stay, but the glint in her eye at the thought of ripping Melissa away from another good woman disturbed him greatly. It actually left him wondering if she ever loved Melissa at all or was more into the chase. Afterall, she had spoken to him like Melissa was the be all and end all before she left, but then, she'd agreed to the most extreme form of witness protection and then just didn't come home. She had another fish on the hook by then didn't she? Damn.

Alec was starting to question everything he thought he knew about this woman. It was a very sobering thought. He couldn't keep entertaining this, she would have him fucking her senseless within minutes if he did, because her predatory look was now locked onto him and her hand was on his knee, sliding along his thigh. He grabbed her wrist and shook his head, "No. I'm not doing this anymore, Rachael. If you want me, you'll come back for me. Until then, no."

Alec grabbed a small black device from his side table and tossed it at her. Ensuring she knew she was thoroughly dismissed. "I retrieved this GPS tracker from beneath Gabs' vehicle. I didn't think you'd want Jane finding it."

Rachael pocketed the tracker and sighed heavily, her eyes studying him sadly. There appeared to be genuine regret in her eyes and he filed it away for a day that he felt like drinking a little heavier, because right now it felt like nothing more than another manipulation. "Thanks Alec," she offered quietly, retreating back into the shadows.

"No problem."

She stopped in the doorway and turned to look at him one last time. "I'll see you soon."

Alec sighed, shook his head and grabbed his remote. He turned the television volume back on. He focused on John Wayne and ignored the heaviness settling in the pit of his stomach. Heavy was the burden of knowing the truth. He ground his molars together and reminded himself that Rachael was dead; it dulled his heartache into a more familiar, comforting chill.

---

"Oh crap. Gabs, Gabs, just hold on."

"Come on 'Tash, we have to go."

"I'm not leaving her. Get the trauma kit! Now!"

"Oh shit…"

"I know, I know. Fuck. Gabs, open your eyes."

Gabby opened her eyes and tried to sit up, but felt a hand gently press against her shoulder and then she felt the searing abdominal pain. She dropped her head back down into the firm but fluffy pillow. The air around her smelled clean; too clean. Gabby groaned at the realisation she was in hospital. Immediately her brain flashed back to the moment Bruiser had driven the knife into her for a second time. She felt sick to her stomach, not that she could tell the difference between her mental anguish and the physical pain ripping across her abdomen. Fuck.

Gabby turned her head, her eyes coming to rest on an unassuming looking woman with obvious sub continental heritage. Indian or Pakistani, Gabby couldn't be sure. Her smile was gentle and she had soft brown eyes. Her black hair was tied back in a bun and she was clearly assessing Gabby just as much, if not more so. Gabby managed an awkward, pained smile, "Good mor… after… night?"

The nurse chuckled lightly. "It is night, Gabrielle. I'm Samara, your nurse. How are you feeling?"

Gabby cringed but offered up what she hoped was an affable smile, "Like somebody stabbed me, multiple times and please, call me Gabby. Only my mother and…" her voice trailed out with the realisation Alexis' name was about to fall so casually from her lips. Her heart lurched and she closed her eyes. "Just Gabby is fine."

"Well Gabby, I am here to administer your scheduled dose of pain medication. You may feel drowsy again shortly."

Gabby opened her eyes so that she could look at Samara while half smiling, half wincing her appreciation. She woke up feeling exhausted, maybe because of the pain or maybe because of the weird dreams she was having. Either way, she hoped the drugs kicked in soon because sleep would be a dear friend at this point in time. Anything to escape the pain. "Thank you," she uttered quietly, closing her eyes once more.

"Help me get her into the backseat."

"'Tash she's already lost so much blood…"

"I don't give a damn, Oscar. Just do it."

"Alright, alright. Easy does it."

"Drive damnit!"

The next time Gabby awoke her heart was beating fast and she heard her heart monitor reflect that fact. The kind nurse appeared quickly, Gabby rubbed her eyes and tried to remember her name. It finally came to her when she waved the nurse off. "I'm all good, Samara. I just had a really weird dream. Felt like a memory. I'm fine, promise."

Thankfully the heart monitor confirmed that as Gabby took several deep breaths and steadied her own nerves. She felt like her subconscious was trying to tell her something important but she may as well have been buried six feet deep in these dreams, because it was blurry at best and pitch black at worst. All she heard were voices. The conversation was eerie. She vaguely recalled hearing names, but she didn't recognise them. One voice reminded her of someone and it was right on the tip of her tongue, but between her pain and her pain medication it may as well have been a million miles away.

"How is the pain?" Samara asked, drawing Gabby from her thoughts.

"It's just gnawing at the edges of my mind. I still feel a bit groggy. But otherwise I'm okay."

"I see. I'm just going to check your temperature." Samara advised before inserting the tympanic thermometer into Gabby's ear canal to get a reading and then adding the result to her chart. "Are you comfortable?"

Gabby coughed a little and realised her mouth was dry. "Yeah. I could use some water."

"I'll get you some ice chips, but suck on them sparingly. You are nil by mouth for the time being, while your body recovers."

Which was why she had the tube in her nose. Gabby sighed, she hadn't really paid attention to that when she first woke up. Between the abdominal pain and the weird dreams and the feeling plain exhausted and groggy she had plenty of reason to not be completely alert to her situation. "That bad huh?"

"Just a precaution after any major surgery with general anaesthetic. Your doctor will discuss your injuries and treatment later this morning." Samara explained.

Gabby nodded, immediately wishing Maura was with her. It was too early in the day. "Am I in the ICU?"

"Yes."

"So no visitors?"

"I'm afraid not."

Gabby sighed and closed her eyes. She really needed to talk to Maura. Not just for the sake of understanding what was happening, but because her best friend was a smart woman who no doubt had many concerns. Concerns relating to her decision making. Concerns relating to her mental health. God, she'd been spiralling so bad. Why on earth did she think it was a good idea to walk into that pub? It was always going to end that way. Why didn't it end out there? There had been so much blood. She'd lost consciousness. One moment she was staring up into a streetlight and the next she was waking up in this hospital room. What on earth had happened in between?

Gabby heard Samara exit the room, but before she returned she had found her way back into a fitful sleep, marred by memory like dreams.

"Hey, hey, hey, stay with me. Gabs, don't you dare stop breathing."

"We're almost there."

"Just drive up to the doors. Gabs, we're almost at the hospital, okay. Just hold on. She needs you."

Her eyes opened and she blinked multiple times. She could barely see through her eyelids which she struggled to keep open, but she recognised the panicked face so close to hers. She lifted her hand and clutched at the shoulder of one of the arms holding her. "Am I dead? Is this Hell?"

Unexpected, long forgotten laughter greeted her ears. Before the very familiar face said, "I certainly hope not."

Gabby's eyes opened and for a moment she stared unblinkingly at the ceiling. Then after another moment she found the call button and pressed it multiple times, an intense sense of urgency boiling in her blood. She needed Maura, and she needed her now.

A different nurse, a little taller, a little more portly, with flaming orange hair entered the room. A little less friendly looking too, Gabby mused to herself, as the woman's lips were pulled tightly across her face as if she was not impressed. "What's the matter?"

"I need to see someone." Gabby said with a determined glint in her eye.

"I can call Doctor Kemp, he's been waiting to speak with you."

Gabby waved that suggestion off. "No, I mean a visitor. I need to see Doctor Maura Isles. Urgently."

"I'm afraid you cannot have visitors in the ICU."

"Then transfer me to a ward, or better yet sign my arse out of here."

"Is the term Intensive Care Unit lost on you, Gabrielle?" The flame haired nurse was not having it and she was a little sassy too, Gabby thought she might just like her if she met her under different circumstances.

"Like I told the other nurse, it's just Gabby. Get Doctor Kemp then." Gabby huffed, figuring she would have better luck appealing to the doctor to get an exception so she could see Maura. Because if they didn't make that damn exception, or transfer her to a ward where she could take visitors, she would check herself out against medical advice if need be. The crap she had rolling through her head couldn't wait.

Sassy nurse quickly departed, no doubt thinking that she was an absolute pain in the arse, and well, she wouldn't be wrong. Gabby knew it. She was hard headed and the absolute worst when she was injured.

Doctor Henry Kemp arrived not long later and proceeded to tell her a bunch of mumbo jumbo that meant nothing to her. He said something about her liver and that she was lucky to be alive. There was also a mention about not drinking alcohol for what sounded like an inordinately long amount of time. She could drink herself to death or be responsible and allow her liver time to heal was the basic gist she settled on in her brain. Maura would be insufferable about that particular requirement, of that Gabby had no doubt.

He put her through a handful of different tests, checking her cognitive function and questioning her about whether she'd passed wind yet. Her answer was to roll her eyes and shrug, reminding him she had spent the better part of two days unconscious. Finally he looked at her, remarkably impressed by the fact she was in a much more stable condition than he anticipated.

"Nurse O'Reilly mentioned your desire to have guests, they'll be able to visit you on ward. I'm going to authorise your transfer, but it is imperative that you take it easy."

Gabby smiled and thanked him profusely, only to be left twiddling her thumbs for the next forty five minutes until an orderly was finally available to wheel her bed to the new ward. The good news, although also very unpleasant news for the orderly wheeling the bed, was Gabby finally let rip one of the absolute foulest farts she had ever managed in her entire time on earth. That meant everything was working again, if she remembered correctly. Once the orderly had settled her into her room she asked him to get a nurse who she notified of her successful expression of hot air. Her reward for that was a small juicebox she was told to sip slowly, which she did, while she waited for the nurse to contact Maura and then eventually after what felt like forever, Maura finally showed up three hours after Gabby had been antsy to speak to her.

The expression on Maura's face immediately made Gabby wish she'd asked to speak to Alec instead. Or Jane. Or Melissa. Her best friend clearly hadn't been sleeping well, and she looked a scary combination of mad and disappointed with just a dash of concern thrown in for good measure. That was how Gabby knew she was going to be perfectly fine, because Maura was too conscientious to be mad at a dying woman. There was a lecture coming, Gabby could feel it in her bones. If not a lecture, something just as painful to sit through.

"Hey," Gabby finally said, her thoughts settling down once Maura sat down in a seat near the bed.

For a solid minute not another word was said between them. Gabby spent that time trying to figure out where Maura's head was, but her friend actually took the time to school her features, which only worried Gabby. Maura was hurting. She was the cause of that hurt. She had done something incredibly dumb. Something so incredibly dumb that in what she thought were her dying moments she was begging this very woman sitting in front of her for forgiveness. She lifted her hand and reached across the space between them, desperate to feel Maura.

There were so many things running through her mind, the most recent of which her belief that Rachael was in fact alive and well and had been lying to them for nine fucking years. There was the information Bertie had given her before practically ordering her death too. She still couldn't believe that though. There had to be more to it. There was no way in Hell Detective Dyson had anything to do with the hit on Melissa in 2005, though she suspected she had her answers now regarding who had killed Dyson. Bertie clearly looked satisfied, like a man who had obtained payback.

Thoughts about Rachael and Dyson paled in comparison to the fear clawing its way up from deep within her the longer the silence dragged on. Maura left her hanging, quite literally. Her hand was hanging off the edge of the bed and Maura was just staring at it. She couldn't take it any longer. "Talk to me, Maura."

"What would you like me to say?" Maura whispered, her eyes lifting to meet Gabby's longing gaze.

"Anything. Something." Gabby lifted her hand and reached out, silently begging Maura to just take her hand. She desperately needed that connection because while Maura had a terrifying amalgamation of emotion on her face when she first walked in, this stoic act was starting to feel a little cold and terrifying. "Please don't shut down on me."

Maura's eyes flashed dangerously and she stood, moving towards the end of the bed, pacing back and forth across the room. She stopped, turned to face Gabby and quietly declared, "You nearly died, Gabby. You should have died. I shouldn't be talking to you right now."

"I know," Gabby admitted softly, bringing her hand back to rest against the bed. "I thought it was over, too."

Maura moved back over to the side of the bed and leaned closer, desperation swirling in her eyes. "What happened after you left me standing there, Gabby? How did you end up here?"

Gabby closed her eyes and sunk as far back into the pillow as she could. The truth was complicated and it would mean going into a lot of details Maura knew nothing about. She focused on what she thought was truly at the heart of the question instead. This wasn't a literal question, although Maura usually was the type to say what she meant. This was about the declaration she herself had made to Maura in the early hours of that morning. It had to be why Maura was so shaken, so hurt, but desperate to hide it. Gabby opened her eyes and admitted, "I lost myself. I went looking for trouble and I found it."

Maura nodded once and straightened her back out. She took a step back and looked towards the exit. Gabby couldn't tell for sure but it occurred to her that Maura was considering leaving. She couldn't really blame her. If situations were reversed? Well, she'd have probably made Maura stew for a while before facing her. "I'm sorry," Gabby said quietly, looking earnestly at Maura. "I told you I wouldn't ever leave you and…"

"You did." Maura's head turned, her eyes filled with such pain that Gabby felt her own heart clench because of it. "You know I can't lose you and you still… I can't Gabby. I can't do this. I can't go through this again."

Gabby watched Maura start to retreat from the room and she panicked. She tried to climb out of bed, but before she could even get one leg out of the bed, excruciating pain ripped across her abdomen and she cried out in agony. "Son of a bitch."

Between her loud exclamation of pain and her heart monitor going off Maura immediately turned back around and approached her side, an alarmed look on her face. "What are you doing? You need to stay in your bed. Do you want to pop your stitches?"

Gabby sat there, clutching at her abdomen, staring Maura down. "No I don't. But I really don't want you walking out that door either."

Maura's hand pressed gently against her shoulder, guiding her back down into the bed. "Please just stop. Your body needs time to heal."

"Then stay, Maura. Please." Gabby knew she would have sounded desperate, searing agony definitely did that to her. It really wasn't wise trying to stand up at all, Maura was absolutely correct in that assertion, but since when did she honestly give a stuff about what was wise? If Maura insisted on leaving with so much hanging between them she would try to get out of this bed again and again. "I know I'm an arse. I know I've not been handling things well and I know that brings up a lot of difficult emotions for you."

Maura fussed over her for a moment, focused on making sure she was physically okay and hadn't done any damage and then she shook her head gently, the only real acknowledgement that she had heard Gabby's words at all. Maura turned back to the door, but stopped, clearly worried.

Gabby locked eyes with her when she looked back over at the bed. "If you leave, I will try my damndest to follow you. Even if that means I have to crawl along the damn floor."

Maura sighed in obvious resignation, nodding her head once. Gabby relaxed further into the bed, thankful Maura hadn't called her on her stupidity. Not only would it have been excruciating, she felt a little terrified of the nurse whose head had popped into the room and whose lips were looking none too pleased, drawn tightly across her face. This nurse had scary eyes too, suddenly Gabby longed for her old friend, the sassy nurse from the ICU. Her heart rate dropped and the scary nurse disappeared without even saying a word. She was clearly experienced with nuisance patients.

Maura sat back down in the chair beside the bed and pulled it closer, taking Gabby's hand when she reached out this time. Apparently her excited heart had caused her friend to do some quick thinking. Gabby appreciated the touch, the comfort, the safety. She rolled her head to the side of the pillow so she could look at Maura. "I know it's not easy being my friend right now. I really am sorry."

"Is it going to happen again?" Maura asked quietly. "Are you going to be careless with your life?"

Gabby really wanted to say no. She really wanted to be able to say that this brush with death gave her a new outlook on life, but she couldn't. Her life was still lonely. She had lost Alexis because she refused to take her call until it was too late. She had walked away from Melissa, and despite their brief moments of contact, her intention hadn't changed there. Her heart ached exponentially with so much grief she barely knew which way was up. Maura was her only guiding light, but she was too busy leaving her light on for a woman who was never coming home. She sighed heavily and settled on as honest an answer she could muster, "I don't know."

Maura's grip on her hand tightened and Gabby closed her eyes and just focused on the sensation for a moment. She could look with her eyes, but Maura wasn't about to give too much away, she was still very reluctant to be open with her emotions. Gabby couldn't blame her for that, so she simply focused on the nuance of the touch. Maura's firm grip and the gentle stroking of her thumb against the back of her hand left Gabby feeling her friend… her love's distress.

There might be dozens of things inundating her brain and heart, threatening to swallow her whole, but one thing remained constant and at the forefront of both organs. She'd betrayed her heart by being so reckless with her life. She'd asked for forgiveness as she lay there bleeding out because she knew she had wronged them both. She'd been approaching it all wrong. She'd been clinging to the wrong things. Clinging to the rejection. Of course Maura rejected her. Maura was barely two weeks removed from walking away from Jane. What the Hell had she been thinking?

"I need help," Gabby admitted quietly, opening her eyes and looking at Maura once again. "I feel like I'm a runaway train. I know I need to stop, there are places I want to stop, but the brakes aren't working. I'm scared I'm going to slam into another train."

Maura leaned over and gently pressed her lips against the back of Gabby's hand. She looked up with tears glimmering in her eyes, "I'm afraid trains were never a real interest of mine, so I cannot carry on with your analogy."

Gabby couldn't help but smile at that. Maura was just always so straight forward. It was beautiful. Honest. Refreshing.

"However, I can tell you that I'm here for you. That hasn't changed. It won't change so long as you remain honest with me, Gabby. Can you do that?"

Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, but Gabby nodded nonetheless. She owed that to Maura. She owed her honesty and truth and a little peace of mind. God, she owed her so much more than that. She owed her everything, her life included. Rachael might have been the one to rescue her from certain death, but there wasn't an ounce of doubt in Gabby's mind that it was the thought of Maura that kept her alive long enough for those heroics to come into play.

Her heart monitor started to jump into heightened action and Maura's eyes were briefly drawn to it before returning their steady gaze onto her. Gabby swallowed nervously. "What are you thinking about?" Maura questioned.

"That I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. That I was only able to hold on as long as I did because I yearned for your forgiveness." Gabby chose to leave out the part about Rachael because she was fairly certain if she told Maura a dead woman had rescued her, Maura might just have her committed. Her damn heart monitor only spiked further and she couldn't calm her racing heart no matter how hard she tried.

"Gabby," it was just her name, but Maura's ability to inflect so much meaning into one simple word was brought to life in this moment. She may as well have rented a giant neon sign that stated 'you agreed to be honest with me, so stop obfuscating'.

Gabby chuckled briefly, she couldn't help it. She was an intelligent woman, but Melissa had been absolutely correct all those years ago when she playfully suggested she'd been reading a thesaurus. The only difference between Melissa's suggestion and the truth, was that Maura hadn't asked her to do so. Rather she chose to do so because of an insane desire to keep up with Maura's very large vocabulary. It amused her because before Maura came along obfuscating would never have been in her vocabulary. It was nice to think of those moments from the past. It was nice to think of a time when expanding her understanding of the English language to impress a woman was the worst of her worries.

Maura pursed her lips, and Gabby quickly lost her desire to laugh. "Do you know who brought me to the hospital?"

"Alec said it was a good samaritan. Someone by the name of Rebecca Thompson."

Gabby mulled that over for a second, rolled her eyes and managed a half sad laugh. Rachael had always been terrible at thinking of aliases when they talked playfully about what their spy names would be while watching the television program Alias. Using a name with matching initials felt like such a Rachael thing to do. "No one actually got a chance to talk to her and ask what happened, did they?"

"Well no, Alec thinks it's because she may have witnessed what happened to you. It stands to reason she was not interested in hanging around to provide answers given the location of your attack." Maura answered matter-of-factly for the most part, but there was a little extra bite to her last few words. The kind of bite that told Gabby she wasn't exactly off the hook just yet. Just because she'd apologised, didn't mean Maura had forgiven her for giving up on life like that.

"Or perhaps she didn't hang around because she's spent the last nine years letting us all believe she was dead." Gabby said coolly, her pent up hatred for Rachael and the betrayal she had exacted on her slowly rising to the surface.

Her heart monitor was alert to the fact her heart rate only increased thinking about it and Maura's eyes shifted warily to the machine and back to her. "Gabby," Maura's voice was low in warning.

"I'm fine," Gabby gritted between her teeth, "I'm just a little hot under the collar having learned Rachael is still fucking alive."

Maura's eyes opened wide before shifting towards the end of her bed where her chart was. Gabby could tell she wanted to check for head injuries or any other cause for her claim, but Gabby held onto her hand with all of her might forcing her best friend to look directly into her eyes. "I'm not insane. I don't know if it was witness protection or she's had amnesia this whole damn time. I just know it was her, Maura. It was Rachael."

Gabby watched as Maura's eyes focused on her head and then she started quietly listing off a checklist. "I'm not crazy, Maura. Stop trying to medically diagnose a reason I must have been hallucinating. Just trust me."

Maura's eyes darted toward the heart monitor again, but at this point Gabby tuned the damn thing out. It was nothing but a traitor giving Maura the damn inside track on her emotions. As if she couldn't already read her like a book as is. She didn't need technology providing any extra insight.

"I don't care if you were rescued by Rachael or the Queen of fucking England." Maura growled, her eyes glued to the heart monitor.

Gabby's eyes widened in shock. That was… Maura doesn't… What?

"Gabby, look at me." Maura's voice was firm as she moved her hand to Gabby's chest, just above her heart. "If you don't calm down you could go into cardiac arrest."

Gabby focused on Maura's eyes and really looked, the fear she saw in them stunned her for a moment. Maura didn't give a shit about her theories because she was more concerned with the possibility she could die in this fucking bed. She couldn't do that to Maura. She knew first hand what it was like to watch someone you love die right in front of you. The absolute gut wrenching agony that follows the moment the light leaves their eyes. It could absolutely destroy a person. She was here because being witness to that had done precisely that. God, she didn't want that for Maura.

It was a sobering realisation. Gabby's eyes flitted towards the monitor which looked like it was about to reach dangerous territory. Scary nurse might make a return, now that was extra motivation to pay attention.

"Breathe with me, Darling." Maura implored, pulling Gabby away from her runaway thoughts. She watched as Maura started the breathing exercises she had been teaching her to relieve her anger and stress. Maura gripped her hand and looked imploringly at her as she made an exaggerated head movement urging her to listen.

Gabby closed her eyes, relaxed her body as best as she could and thought about her breathing. She took a long deep breath in and then as slowly as possible exhaled every last puff of air she could. She repeated the process several times, lulling into an even calmer sense of self when Maura gently stroked her hand across her forehead back through her hair that had been slowly growing out. It was such a calming sensation that felt so tender and caring. She felt her heart rate slowly drop as she continued to breathe, pushing all other thoughts from her mind.

Once she felt more stable within her own mind and the heart monitor was backing up that feeling, Gabby opened her eyes. She found Maura staring at her, deep concern and worry on her face. "I can't lose you," she uttered, an intense sadness to her voice.

It was in this moment, for several fleeting seconds, that Gabby saw there was more than friendship locked in Maura's eyes. Gabby couldn't help but smile, of course she mattered. It might be buried deep, but Maura's actions, God, her actions had been screaming all along how damn much she cared. Gabby made up her mind in this very moment that she would do her damndest to conquer her demons. She would be patient. She would be whatever Maura needed, because for this one moment in time she could see a future for them. A bright, beautiful future filled with love. She just had to give Maura the time she needed to grieve Jane.

She had to grieve too, because it wasn't as simple as she'd like it to be to let go of the guilt and shame she felt for not being there to save Alexis. However, Gabby knew that if she were to keep her word to Maura and be there for her and not leave her again, she had to put the work in on forgiving herself. She wasn't sure yet what that would look like or how long it would take, she just knew it had to be done.

"You won't and that's a promise."

Maura's eyes carefully searched her face and her friend must have seen what she was looking for because for the first time since she had entered the room she was visibly relaxed. She finally looked to be breathing easy. Her relief was palpable. Maura smiled, radiant as always. "I'm going to hold you to that."

Gabby nodded. She was tired. It's all she ever seemed to feel these days. Major abdominal surgery was apparently no joke. She couldn't remember feeling this tired after her car accident and the damage there had been more extensive. Heck her brain still hasn't recovered, not really. All those pesky emotions sitting much closer to the surface, harder to bury. "I need to rest."

Maura nodded once, apparently taking that as her cue to leave, but Gabby held tightly onto her hand when she stood. "Stay," she uttered quietly, a small hint of desperation in her voice. She didn't want to be alone.

They locked eyes for a moment and Gabby knew Maura needed the reassurance as much as she did. She lifted her arm and waited for Maura to position her head just over her heart before bringing her arm back down around Maura's back. She grimaced a little as Maura sought a safe spot on her body to rest her right arm, but eventually a spot was found. Gabby had no doubt they were a strange sight with Maura leaning onto her chest from the chair, but it was the comfort they both needed and she was done focusing on her need to label what they shared. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that she now understood that Maura would do damn near anything for her, and she would find a way through the dark recesses of her mind to be whatever Maura needed in return.

---

Jane entered the interview room, looked at her watch and said, "Interview between Gavin Newcombe, AKA Twig and Detectives Rizzoli and Morris commenced at 13:02."

Jane dropped a file onto the table in front of her. The folder was thick. She pulled out a seat from the table and sat down, leaning back in the chair she folded her arms across her chest and looked across the table. "You were a hard man to find, Gavin."

Twig simply raised an eyebrow and stared back at Jane with hard eyes. "I have one word for you, pig. Lawyer."

"I mean yeah we can do that, we can call your lawyer." Jane said agreeably, turning to look at Alec who was in the corner of the room looking broody, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest. His eyes laser focused on the skinny biker. "Or you can answer our questions and be on your way without Bertie ever finding out you were here."

"Lawyer." Twig wasn't having any of it.

Jane glanced towards Alec again, not sure if there was really anything they could do until they got the guy his lawyer. She was hoping if he had any ideas that he would jump in rather than stand around looking mean. He apparently got the memo from the way she widened her eyes at him and subtly nodded in the direction of their reluctant witness.

"Twig, how long have you been in this game? I mean, Hell I remember busting you back in 2005. You're still just a lackey. A no good, expendable lackey." Alec pushed away from the wall as he spoke, moving closer and closer to the table. "Do you think if roles were reversed Bertie would clamp his mouth shut? He'd sell every one of you out in a heartbeat. He doesn't give a damn about the club. All he wants is payback for Gina."

Jane noticed how Twig kept his eyes on Alec and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. It appeared Alec knew exactly which buttons to press, because she felt like he was ready to sing like a baby. It was kind of sad how little effort it was actually taking.

"You know who that is, don't you Twig?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That's his wife. She died and I guess there were too many similarities between how she died and how she killed one of my colleagues nine years ago. See Bertie's a lot like me, Twig. He doesn't believe in coincidence. He's also the dead opposite of Rizzoli here," Alec said with a smirk before he finished, "He's patient."

Jane sent Alec dagger eyes, mostly because he was right, she kind of resembles that remark. Especially when it comes to the job. She hates waiting, even after her impatience got her matching scars on her palms. She rubbed her hands together, her scars ached just thinking about that day. She found it interesting that Alec was using the Rachael stuff to angle in and push Twig into talking. But then that was the art of the interview process. Create a narrative that sounds believable enough to get the suspect singing.

"He's right. I'm really not patient and you wanna know what I think? I think it's really strange that since Bertie has been back in town, there's three bodies that have dropped. We have a dead cop, a dead biker and a woman who really doesn't fit into this at all. But what are the odds really, that all three are unrelated? It's not every day a body drops in this town, Twig."

"Hey no, that lady wasn't us." Twig spat out defensively, before hanging his head and uttering, "Stupid, stupid, stupid," to himself.

Jane glanced at Alec and looked at him with disbelieving eyes. How on earth was this guy still alive? "Twig, I think the best thing for you is that you talk to us. All we want to know right now is what happened Saturday night."

Twig shook his head rapidly. "I can't."

Alec leaned forward, pressing his palms against the table and stared directly into Twig's terrified face. "Answer a few more questions and we will work out a deal, keep you out of jail. We just want Bertie."

Twig shook his head. "Nah man, I don't trust cops. I want my lawyer and any deal goes through him and I want it in writing, otherwise I ain't saying a damn word."

Jane nodded, unsure if Twig was smart or stupid. She suspected he fell somewhere in the middle, smart enough to want a deal in writing, but dumb enough to have backed himself into a little bit of a corner. "Alright, Twig. A uniform will come and take you to make that call shortly. We'll talk to you once he arrives. Interview suspended, 13:07."

Jane and Alec quickly left the interview room. Jane motioned for Alec to follow him into the observation room next door and walked in, closing the door behind them. They looked through the two way mirror and watched Twig sitting there chewing on his nails. He looked stressed out. Jane wasn't surprised.

"I know not every bad guy is smart. I just honestly expected more from someone who's allegedly one of the right hand men for Bertie." Jane said, glancing at Alec standing beside her.

"He's never been anybody who is anybody in this gang, Rizzoli. I think we're looking at our fall guy."

"Is he really going to have anything to give us if that's the case?"

"I dunno." Alec answered.

"Do you really think Bertie is looking for revenge for Gina?"

"I think the two people responsible for the hit both dying the same way Rachael did is not a coincidence. Whether Bertie has a clue, I have no idea. I don't even know if he has links to any of this other than what happened to Gabby. Nothing happens at that pub without the say so of the top dog. He's the top dog. Hopefully this useless piece of shit can give us something actionable."

"I thought it was interesting he didn't deny involvement in the death of Dyson." Jane observed.

"Well, to be fair Rizzoli, you just said a dead cop. The idiot could have assumed you meant Gabby."

"We should really go and talk to her, find out what happened."

"Yeah, we should. Last I heard she was in and out of consciousness. The painkillers have kept her pretty out of it, but I think she's due for lower dosages soon."

Jane raised an eyebrow out of curiosity. He appeared to know a lot for someone who wasn't next of kin. Being a cop didn't give them access to all the details when they weren't relevant to the case. "Ahh, yes. You've been talking to Penny."

He shrugged. "Might as well put my charm to good use, right Rizzoli?" He stopped looking through the mirror and turned to look at her, "Has Missy even thought about going to see her or find out how she's doing at all?"

Jane shook her head. "No, it's worrying me a bit to be honest. She seems fine, but she said that she's respecting Gabby's wishes and staying away. She even said that once Gabby's well enough she's going to tell her to change her next of kin. It's like she's trying to withdraw completely and I don't understand it."

"Maybe she's just focused on moving forward with her life. On healing. On you."

Jane nodded, it wasn't like his ideas were unrealistic, quite the opposite actually, but she couldn't shake a sense of uneasiness about it. Then again, her instincts when it came to Melissa had been blowing up completely out of proportion for two weeks. "Maybe. I dunno Alec, it just feels off. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just being a little over protective with my worries."

"She's lucky to have you, Jane." He looked like he meant it too.

She smiled graciously and then motioned back out the door, "We really should get someone to take him to make his call."

"Yeah." Alec turned to open the door, pausing for a moment he looked back at her, causing her to abruptly pull up in her tracks. "We need to talk about the bigger picture."

It took a moment but Jane quickly realised he meant the psychotic asshole tormenting their entire group. She nodded. "Tonight?"

"Boardwalk?"

"Seven?"

He nodded.

She patted him on the back and then slipped past him in search of a uniform to do the menial work. Halfway down the hall she stopped and turned back to grab Alec's attention. "You know what, let's head down to the hospital. Let this guy stew for a bit. Gabby might have something concrete we can use." It wasn't that they hadn't already pieced it together, they had, they were taking this run at Twig just to see what they could shake loose. The fact he seemed inclined to talk meant the whole process would go more smoothly if they actually had Gabby's witness statement. Hell if they were really lucky she might even be able to identify the mystery woman so that they could actually advance the investigation into Bruiser's death too.

---

Melissa felt like an absolute stereotype laying on the couch in her psychiatrist's office, clutching one cushion in front of her chest while the other propped up her head. In all the times she had attended appointments with Doctor Gloria Levinson she had only sat upright, fairly rigid on one end of the couch, her eyes often refusing eye contact by focusing on the prints on the walls. Her comfort level had increased over time as had her mental stability. They had been putting in a lot of work and it had been incredible how much it was helping, but today was different. Today Melissa practically vibrated with restlessness, her thoughts descending into the depths of doubt and confusion.

Doctor Levinson clearly recognised that something had shifted and that progress had stalled, if not taken a step backwards because she didn't open with her usual, "How are you?" Instead she quite bluntly asked, "What happened?"

That was the thing though, what had happened since their last appointment? She had been served with divorce papers. She had revealed her net worth to Jane and Gabby had nearly died. It was a lot and she didn't know which thread to pull on, because Melissa felt certain that no matter which thread she pulled she would find a way to tie it all back to feeling overwhelmed and like she was trying too hard to make progress.

"I'm not so sure it's what happened but rather the pressure that I've placed on myself to handle it all perfectly that's the issue right now." Melissa said with a tired sigh, her eyes focusing on the bookcase on the wall at the other end of the couch. She wondered how many of these books the psychiatrist had actually read and how many were just for show.

"Why are you putting pressure on yourself to handle your life perfectly?"

"Because I don't want her to keep looking at me like I'm broken."

"Jane?"

"Yeah."

"Does she look at you that way or do you just think she does?"

Melissa sighed and rolled her head to the side so that she could make eye contact with Doctor Levinson who sat across the room in a comfortable black leather chair with her legs crossed and a notepad sitting on her knee. She wore black slacks and a colourful floral printed shirt that epitomised everything Melissa wasn't feeling. "Every time something happens that makes her think about the past she handles me like I'm about to go off the deep end. I know she's just scared. I know that she feels responsible for a lot of what's happened to me and that comes into play, but it's a lot."

"I imagine it would be. Have you tried talking to her about it?"

"I reassure her and she calms down for a day or so, but then her fear returns."

"And how does that make you feel?"

It was such a simple question, but it was one she didn't know how to answer easily. There were so many things she felt, many of them good because she recognised how fortunate she was to have someone in her life who cared so deeply for her, but it was overwhelming, almost suffocating. It was terrifying and she felt doubts creeping along her spine and Melissa had no idea if they were legitimate doubts or her mind just playing tricks on her. She didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like. It had been so long since she'd been in one, that now that she had one that felt healthy her mind was fighting against it, waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Melissa settled on the shortest of answers. "Scared."

Doctor Levinson hummed her acknowledgement, as if she was making a mental note. She didn't write anything down, but it certainly felt to Melissa like her psychiatrist was coming to some kind of conclusion.

"What is it about Jane's concern for you that makes you feel afraid?"

"I dunno. I mean, I guess I'm just not used to anyone looking at me like she does. It feels too good to be true. The first time we were together she looked at me the same way, like I was the only person in a room full of people. And then she went away."

"I see. You were the one to leave her the first time, right?" Doctor Levinson sought to clarify.

Melissa reluctantly nodded. "I know, it's nuts. She didn't walk away from me. In fact she explained to me that she actually did choose me when confronted with Maura's feelings for her. I guess I half expect that it will sink into her brain one day that I didn't choose her. That I walked away from her. That I foolishly chose an old love, because it was easier than having to fight for her affection."

"You don't think she already understands that?"

"We've talked about it, but she's just adamant I was putting her first. I'm not sure I was doing anything but running scared trying to protect what was left of my heart."

"Do you have terrible taste in women or do you think perhaps you are not giving Jane enough credit here?"

Doctor Levinson wasn't pulling any punches, and it was precisely the conversational style Melissa needed in these sessions. Her psychiatrist always seemed to know when to take a softly, softly approach and when to take the gloves off. In this instance she was forcing her to look at the reality behind her fear. Either Jane is the good hearted person worthy of her love and thus unlikely to hold the past against her like that, or Jane is an absolute shit human being who absolutely would. They both knew it wasn't the latter and it was precisely the mental punch to the teeth she needed to open up further. "She's a good woman. I really don't want to lose her, Gloria."

"Has she given you any reason to think you might?"

"No she hasn't. It's been different this time around. I've even had to push her to repair her friendship with Maura, which kind of feels like a big deal. Like she really is in this with me." Melissa sighed, just thinking about Maura and Jane made her nervous. "I know the power Maura holds over Jane, she's essential for Jane's happiness and that's fuckin' scary. There'd be no skin off my nose if I just let Jane drift away from her the way she might if I didn't keep nudging her to do the right thing. But I love her, I love her so damn much that even though Maura being in her life terrifies me, I'm doing everything I can to make sure they're both okay."

Normally Doctor Levinson was very good at keeping her features schooled, but there was a slight concern in her eyes that Melissa didn't miss. She couldn't blame her psychiatrist at all. The last thing she needed was to be putting herself in Maura's path and it was probably the last thing Maura needed either. However Melissa felt like it was a testament to the love both she and Maura had for Jane that they somehow found a way to coexist when times were tough. "Maura isn't the enemy," Melissa acknowledged quietly, "But at the same time she really is. I don't think there's anyone else who could come between us like she could if she set her mind on it."

"Is that something you think Jane would allow to happen?"

Melissa sighed sadly. "Not consciously. I don't know. I hope not."

"If we assume for a moment that neither Jane nor Maura have any interest in allowing that to happen, is there anything else that you feel could come between you?"

"Do we have all day?" Melissa asked mirthfully, choosing to embrace humour for a moment, because outside of Maura, the only real threat to her relationship was her own self. "I fear my self-destructive nature will come between us. I've already had to up my AA meetings since I've been in this relationship. I dunno, sometimes I wonder if we rushed into this. Our passion drives us together, but it could pull us apart if we're not careful… if I'm not careful."

"Which only adds to the pressure you're placing on yourself?" Doctor Levinson asked, clearly building a bigger picture of what was making Melissa tick right now.

Melissa had to give it to her psychiatrist, she was really reaching into the nitty gritty of it all. "I don't even want to leave the house without her now, because I'm scared that I'm gonna slip. I'm scared that my soon to be ex-wife is gonna call and we're gonna argue and I'm going to be overwhelmed. I'm fuckin' terrified. I don't know how to talk to her about this. Everytime I try to bring it up, she just says we'll get through it together."

"You don't think she can follow through on that?"

"I think she forgets that booze is not my only vice these days. I think she forgets that she wears her heart on her sleeve and even though it would mean absolutely nothing to me other than escaping my pain, it would destroy her if I fucked someone else. She would feel so damn betrayed."

"Well that's why we have doubled our weekly sessions, is it not? To help find constructive ways to process your stress so that you can break your self-destructive habits."

It was. But Melissa wondered if it would be enough. Seeing a psychiatrist twice a week wasn't exactly going to stop her if she started flashing back and freaking out and Jane was out of reach. She'd have to rely on her own will power and while she had come leaps and bounds from where she was even a month ago the stakes felt infinitely higher now. It was actually why she kept thinking about drinking again and had to go to so many more meetings. Jane didn't know half of what she was doing to showcase the mental strength she had been recently. She was working her butt off because she didn't want to hurt Jane like that. She didn't want Jane to look at her with the same cold eyes that Gabby had ended up looking at her with. She didn't want to lose Jane, but the pressure from that fear and her own need to be perfect was only compounding and overwhelming her completely. She felt like a powder keg ready to explode.

Melissa shook her head to clear her thoughts and tried to focus back on the psychiatrist. "I really do appreciate that you were able to juggle things to fit the extra session in each week."

Doctor Levinson nodded and made several notes. Finally she looked up and said, "I think that you are putting more pressure on yourself than you need to right now. I think you need to talk to Jane. Really talk. That's your homework for today. I want you to come back on Friday and tell me how your conversation went."

Melissa nodded. She took the homework she was given seriously because so far it had been working really well. It was imperative that she trusted the process, but it was hard right now to imagine anything working. Her mind just kept trying to send her down into the muck and mire. She wanted a drink.

"Melissa," Doctor Levinson said gently, drawing Melissa out of her own head, "You have my number. If you are facing an emergent situation where you genuinely fear slipping, call me. Night or day. We will work through it together. Okay?"

Melissa smiled her appreciation, not at all convinced she looked sincere. She was genuinely appreciative and glad that she was getting value for money, but she kept thinking about walking a couple blocks over to the nearest pub once she was done with her session. She really wanted a drink.

She knew she ought to talk about it, it was the entire point of working on her mental health in the first place. She just couldn't bring herself to do so. Doctor Levinson may well be trained and paid to deal with things like this, but that didn't chase away the guilt and bitter disappointment Melissa felt about herself. She needed a meeting and she needed to see Jane. She needed the physical reminder of what she was fighting so damn hard for. Because right now she was drowning in doubt and fear and the desire for a stiff drink.

Melissa sat up and rubbed her temples, waiting for a dizzy spell to pass. "I'm gonna go. I just… I need Jane right now."

Doctor Levinson leaned forward, a concerned look on her face. "Melissa, what's happening right now?"

"I just need Jane." Melissa reiterated, looking anywhere but at Doctor Levinson. "I have to go."

"Melissa, let me call Jane and have her meet you here." Doctor Levinson said calmly, standing up when Melissa did.

"She's at work. I can't keep interrupting her at work," Melissa lamented with a sad head shake. She sat back down. "She's already come home three times in the last two weeks because I've been struggling. I can't keep doing this. No fucking wonder she looks at me like I'm broken. I just am. It doesn't matter if I have eleven good days. She's only going to remember the three bad ones."

Doctor Levinson sat back down. "Melissa, I have no doubt that Jane remembers the three bad days, but I do worry that you are giving the wrong kind of power to that fact. Her awareness of those bad days and her willingness to interrupt her work day to support you is a good thing. It means you really did pick a good partner. Is it possible that she's just thankful that she is given an opportunity to be supportive?"

Melissa rubbed her temple and tried to straighten out her thoughts, but she angrily snapped, "She fucking called me traumatised."

"Why does that bother you so much? You are the first person to acknowledge you have been through severe trauma. Why does it bother you that Jane is able to recognise and acknowledge that?"

"Because it gets old fast. Two steps forward, three steps back. I know how this goes, Gloria. I fucking lived this with Gabby. They're built the same. There's gonna come a point where she realises how fucking deep this goes. Everything can be fine, and then it's not. Like right now. All I have in my head are doubts and fears and guilt and shame and a really, really intense desire for some top shelf whiskey. I don't get to break down. I have an addiction. I can't just say, 'fuck it' and get plastered for one night because one night turns into a week, which turns into a month and so on and so forth. That's why I ended up falling into the trap of using sex to escape my pain, because I didn't wanna lose my sobriety. Except it turns out walking that tightrope is fucking hard when you finally understand the damage you've been causing with your behaviour."

Melissa took a moment to take a breath after having spat out so many of her thoughts in quick succession. She didn't intend for it to all come falling out of her mouth like that, but it was cathartic just letting go. "Cognisance is a gift, but it can also tie me down. For the longest time when I got back from Chicago I was in this state of just trying to survive. I clung to my sobriety but beyond that I didn't care about anyone or anything the moment I started to relive and remember. All I cared about was making it stop. I wasn't really aware of the damage I was doing to Gabby."

Melissa stopped to take a breath, her heart lurching significantly thinking about all the damage she had done to Gabby in the past decade. Her ex-girlfriend was a ghost of herself. She was broken, violent and angry. No matter what Jane tried to insist the other night at the hospital, Melissa was absolutely certain it was all her fault. "She loves me, she does." She barely breathed out, "I honestly hope that one day soon she doesn't anymore, because loving me has destroyed her. The shit I put her through, it's no wonder Maura fucking hates me."

Maura barely tolerated her, it was as close to hatred as a woman that kind could get and it made sense. Forget the fact she had Jane in her bed. The distaste was there long before then. It was because Maura cared about Gabby almost as much as she did Jane. It was because Maura could see every little way she had gone about breaking Gabby down without even realising it.

Melissa repeatedly banged her palm against her thigh, anything to distract from the tidal wave like surge of guilt and self loathing that washed over her. She looked wide eyed at her psychiatrist, "I'm aware now. I am cognisant. This cognisance is terrifying. I am fucking drowning."

Doctor Levinson watched her for what felt like an incredibly long time before nodding slowly and setting her notepad aside. She leaned forward again and said, "I'm going to have my receptionist reschedule the rest of my appointments for today. I am going to stay with you until Jane has finished work and then I'm going to call her to come get you. In the meantime we can talk, or we can just sit. I can make us tea."

"You don't have to do that. Those people need you as much as I do." Melissa said, rejecting the offer despite feeling so very thankful that her psychiatrist could actually see how much she was struggling. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone else.

"I have three other appointments this afternoon, none of which I would consider to be at the same level of risk right now. I do not feel comfortable letting you walk out of the office without someone with you. If there's someone else I can call just let me know." Doctor Levinson explained calmly.

There wasn't anyone else to call. Not with Monica still in the United States. Brad's father was holding on a lot longer than the doctors expected. It was great for his family, but it was really shitty for her right now. The only other option besides Jane being laid up in the hospital didn't help matters either. Besides, she was trying really hard to respect Gabby's wishes and stay out of her life. "There isn't anyone," she admitted quietly.

"There is of course one other option. I can order a 72 hour psych hold, just so you can get the mental break you need. You won't have to worry about controlling yourself because you won't have access to your vices. You will have time to be alone with yourself and just feel the things you need to feel in a safe supervised environment."

It actually sounded really good to Melissa at that moment, but she suspected it would upset Jane if she didn't consult her first. She wiped the tears away from her face. She hadn't even realised she'd been crying until now. She must look like an absolute mess. "I'll stay here until Jane knocks off work. Thank you."

---

"Maura," Gabby said softly, gently shaking Maura awake. She hadn't managed any sleep herself, but clearly Maura had needed it. She was out like a light within moments of settling against her chest. Gabby had simply laid there with her eyes closed, her mind zooming around like a cheetah chasing a gazelle. She didn't really want to disturb Maura, but the scary nurse had popped her head into the room and looked disapproving before indicating that two detectives were waiting to talk to her.

"Mmm, what is it?" Maura asked, lifting her head, looking completely adorable in her unkemptness. Gabby smiled softly and tucked several loose strands of hair back behind Maura's ear.

"It's time for the inquisition," Gabby explained.

Maura looked puzzled.

"Two detectives are waiting to speak to me."

Maura's eyes widened with comprehension. She nodded once and rolled the kinks out of her neck as she untangled herself from Gabby. Gabby gripped her hand tightly and looked seriously at Maura. "I need to tell you some things before I talk to them."

"It can't wait?"

"It can," Gabby acknowledged, "But you asked me for honesty and I've been laying here thinking about how you've been kept in the dark about some things and I can't anymore. I can't look at you and know that I'm keeping the truth from you. I don't want to be the kind of person that does that to you."

Maura was quiet for a few moments. It was hard for Gabby to figure out where her head was at. She imagined Maura hadn't expected this as usually their friendship had been very open. Maura finally nodded a couple of times, as if she was coming to terms with something in her own mind. "I appreciate your intentions, but it can wait. I trust that you will still be willing to share what you feel needs to be known after talking to the detectives."

"I want you to stay," Gabby implored, she wasn't ready to face this alone. She had little doubt Alec and Jane were about to walk through that door and it was going to be a pretty emotionally confronting conversation. "There'll be stuff you're not aware of that comes up."

"I will stay if they allow it."

Gabby chuckled a little, "I'd bet my house it's going to be Jane and Alec walking through that door. Jane's gonna try very hard to get you out of the room."

"Firstly, gambling your house would be very unwise. Secondly, why would Jane feel inclined to do that?" Maura looked genuinely confused and Gabby realised that her best friend really still saw the best in Jane, even after everything she'd done. Gabby sighed heavily, her desire to be honest was only going to drive a further wedge into her on again off again friendship with Jane once the American detective realised she wasn't going to sugar coat anything. It might also drive a wedge in between Maura and Jane, which selfishly, while not the intended goal was an added bonus.

"Because Jane hasn't been completely honest with you."

"Oh." Maura's face fell just a smidgeon, it wasn't much, but it was noticeable to Gabby.

A soft double knock on the door preceded the entrance of the very two people Gabby expected. She watched Jane's face with particular interest. It went from plastered on politeness to absolute stoneface within a moment of the American's eyes falling on Maura's presence beside the bed firmly gripping Gabby's hand. Gabby couldn't help the smile that curled her lips. Maura deserved to know the truth and could in fact be quite valuable moving forward given her eye for detail. Jane didn't look happy at all.

Alec's vision quickly shifted from Gabby, with Maura by her side to Jane. Based on his expression even he realised Jane wasn't going to be happy and he too received confirmation as Jane's face only hardened further, her arms crossing over her chest. "So uh," Alec started, clearly a little uncomfortable with the energy in the room, "We were hoping you might be able to give us a statement about Saturday night."

"Alone." Jane added firmly.

"I'd like Maura to stay," Gabby said with some force of her own, her eyes locking onto Jane, the pair of them refusing to look away from one another. It was an old fashioned stare down, which Gabby refused to lose.

"I would prefer to stay, detectives." Maura's assertion won Gabby the staredown, because Jane's eyes immediately shifted towards her ex at the sound of her voice. It was a fascinating exercise watching Jane try to silently plead with Maura to leave the room because Maura's mouth was drawn tight and she didn't look pleased at all.

Alec coughed deliberately to draw attention to himself, "That's fine, right Rizzoli?" He nudged her with his elbow.

Gabby had to hand it to Jane, she was very expressive with her eyes and face when she wanted to be and the daggered look she sent toward Alec was next level. Gabby was surprised he didn't wilt, but he barely batted an eyelid, apparently one of the few people impervious to the Rizzoli glare.

"Right," Jane ground out through her teeth.

"Great." Alec said, turning his attention back in Gabby's direction. "So what the Hell happened to you, Wilson?"

"As I'm sure you know by now I was feeling a little useless not being able to help with the active investigation into Alex's murder. I talked to Jane about something else she was working on, got a lead, followed it." Out of her peripheral vision Gabby saw Maura's head turn in Jane's direction and as much as she wanted to sneak a peek at the look on Maura's face she remained focused on the two detectives standing at the end of the bed.

Jane's eyes shifted from her towards Maura and it stirred up significant jealousy in Gabby's gut. It didn't matter that Jane looked a cross between terrified and apologetic because she had been thrown under the bus. It didn't matter at all because she could just feel Maura's eyes solely on Jane and it was a very firm reminder of the fact that Maura was still very much in love with Jane. A fact that she was cognitively aware of and willing to be patient with, but it always hit like a kick to the teeth when faced with it in the flesh.

Gabby shook her head to clear her thoughts and continued. "I wanted to speak with Bertie about his wife Gina." She paused, just to watch Jane stand there stoically and say nothing. Was she already resigned to being absolutely thrown under multiple buses? She didn't see that coming. "I wanted to find out if he knew who requested the hit on Melissa back in 2005. You know the one don't you Jane? The one that killed Rachael?"

Gabby had been so determined to get a reaction out of Jane that she almost missed a telltale widening of Alec's eyes at her chosen inflection on the word 'killed'. "Son of a Bitch," she uttered under her breath before increasing her volume and intensity significantly, "You fucking knew this whole damn time, didn't you Morris?"

"Knew what?" Jane asked her eyes ripping away from Maura to focus on Alec. "What the Hell is goin' on?"

Alec shifted uncomfortably on his feet, he shook his head lightly, while he tried to wave Gabby off from answering. "Not here, not now." His eyes looked briefly between Maura and Jane. Gabby knew enough to know that he had his reasons and he would have a conversation with her about it. He turned to Jane, "When you surprised me with what you learned about that day, I lied to you. I knew it was a hit on Missy, I've known the whole time."

Alec certainly had a set of balls on him, because Jane looked apoplectic. He was going to extraordinary lengths to cover up Rachael's existence. As much as Gabby wanted to be the one to keep dropping truth bombs so that Maura could understand what was really going on, she needed to have a conversation with Alec in private, right now. "Rizzoli," she said reluctantly, locking eyes with the detective when she looked her way, "Do yourself a favour and take Maura somewhere and explain everything. The truth is better coming from you."

Jane nodded, for once they agreed on something. As while Gabby had felt some momentary joy at throwing Jane under the bus, the feeling waned very quickly. Because revelling in Jane's downfall meant revelling in Maura's heartache, and one quick glance at the crestfallen look on Maura's face reminded Gabby that her jealousy came at a cost, a cost she didn't need Maura to pay. The truth was absolutely necessary, but it would hopefully be a softer blow coming from Jane.

"She's right," Jane admitted out loud, her eyes focusing on Maura once again. "There's a lot I need to explain if you'll let me, Maura."

Gabby gave Maura's hand an encouraging squeeze and said, "I'll be right. Go."

Maura nodded and made eye contact with Jane before walking towards the exit, pausing when she was alongside Alec to briefly place her hand on his forearm. "Keep her calm, Alec."

After Maura left the room Jane followed, briefly stopping in the doorway to turn and look at Alec. She motioned between them with her hand and ground out, "You and I will talk about this later."

Alec nodded, looking pretty resigned to that particular fate. He waited for Jane to leave before closing the door behind her and turning back to look at Gabby for a long moment before moving across the room to sit down in the seat that Maura had vacated. "I'm sorry."

Gabby stared at him, astounded. Smart enough to know an apology was warranted, but stupid enough to lie to her for nine fucking years. She felt pretty confident that if she could stand, she would, just so she could punch him in the mouth. She clenched her jaw and glared at him. She wasn't going to accept his apology.

"You can't tell anyone, Gabs." He said quietly, barely able to make eye contact with her. At least having the decency to look ashamed.

"I feel sick just fuckin' looking at you, Alec. I thought you were my friend."

"I am, Gabs. Come on, this is complicated."

Gabby shook her head in absolute disbelief. She couldn't believe this man. Of course it was complicated. It was a fucking mess is what it was. "You're still carrying a torch for her after all these damn years?"

"Don't even fuckin' go there." Alec snapped, straightening his back out and glaring at her. "Dyson put her in protection, they let Gina go hoping to build a bigger case, knowing that they could nail her anytime they wanted. Rachael fuckin' knew the truth was out about her and Missy. She sacrificed everything in the hopes her 'death' would prevent you from walking away. She let her fuckin' family think she was dead, Gabs, so you and Missy had a fuckin' chance. So just don't. Just fuckin' don't."

Gabby rolled her eyes. What a load of shit. "How fucking noble of her. Always putting Missy first right? Bullshit. Putting her first would have been swallowing her fuckin' feelings and not taking advantage of her."

"Don't you think I know that?" He roared, unable to contain his agitation. "You think I fuckin' approve of what she did to you and Missy? You think I wanted any of this?"

"No," Gabby reluctantly admitted, before firing up once more. "But you didn't have to lie to me for nine fucking years either."

Her heart monitor started getting excited and she watched his eyes flick over to the damned machine. She had no idea if he understood it as well as Maura, or if he was like her and just recognised increased alerts as not a good thing. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing because if she keeled over from a heart attack, Maura would never forgive her and would absolutely rip him to shreds.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Calming myself so I don't have a heart attack."

"Fair."

"Maura used to be a medical examiner," she stated calmly.

"Oh I'm aware."

Gabby opened her eyes and looked at him, trying to offer some sort of reconciliatory smile. "No one would ever find your body."

He chuckled once and shook his head with a very disturbing clarity of mind. "They really wouldn't, would they?"

"They would not."

The breathing had calmed her enough to try and have a rational conversation. She was still so angry, ridiculously so, but she had enough self awareness to recognise that a lot of her anger was misdirected. The real target of her anger was her formerly dead best friend, who'd had the gall to save her fucking life. How the Hell could she maintain righteous fury after that?

"Did you say anything about her to Maura?"

"I did." She watched the panic appear on his face and decided to put him out of his misery quickly. "I'm fairly sure she thought I was delusional from blood loss or something."

Alec let out a sigh of relief. "Okay good, because nobody can know it was her that rescued you. They can't know she's alive."

"I'm confused, Alec. Gina is dead. Hell, even Peter is dead. Why is she still in protection?"

"She's not."

Gabby just looked at him, speechless. Rachael was no longer in protection but only skulking around the shadows and not reclaiming the life she left behind. Not announcing herself to the world. What on earth was she missing? "Explain," she demanded.

"What I said to Jane before, wasn't a lie. I knew. After you walked out unable to stomach looking at the footage any longer, I had the clerk rewind a bit so I could check for anything unusual. I saw the pattern of the vehicle passing by multiple times. I took it to Dyson."

Dyson. Shit.

She focused on what she had learned, because if she stopped for another second to contemplate that he knew all along and hadn't told her, she'd piss everyone off by getting out of the bed to punch him square in the face. Undoubtedly her stitches would pop, causing the scary nurse to lose her shit and Maura to scold the living hell out of her, not to mention put her own life in jeopardy. So no, she wasn't going to focus on her good mate not telling her that her then girlfriend was the target of an actual fucking hit. She was going to push that shit into the deep recesses of her mind in a little box she would revisit when she was healthy enough to punch him square in the face for that betrayal.

She ground her teeth together and tried very hard to keep on track. "Bertie told me that he believed Dyson put the hit out on Missy."

"Well that's bullshit." Alec declared fiercely. "No way in Hell. I doubt he even knew she existed."

"I know. I think we've narrowed down a suspect pool for who killed Dyson though. Bertie seemed damn pleased with himself."

"Duly noted."

Silence fell between them after that. He surely knew he had to keep explaining what the Hell had been going on for the last nine years, but she wasn't pushing it straight away because she'd given him some pretty heavy news. They didn't know for sure which one of the bikers had done it, but finally having some answers about Dyson meant a great deal to both of them. It would simply be a matter of time before they caught the responsible party.

He broke the silence first. "It was really fuckin' stupid what you did."

"I know."

"You still feel like dying?"

"Is that my friend asking, or my boss?"

"Both."

"Yeah, kinda. I don't think that sorta feeling goes away easily. But would I put myself in a situation like that again? No." She answered honestly. Deciding to live because Maura needed her was one thing, and it was a great short term goal, but it didn't really change the depth of the shit she felt. It just meant she had a reason to go on until she found other reasons. "I'm gonna get help, Alec. You gonna tell the brass?"

"Nah. I think you're entitled to feel like shit right now and I figure by time you are physically cleared for active duty again, you'll have had time to get your head screwed on properly."

Gabby nodded, turned her hand palm up on the bed beside him and looked down at it. It was a peace offering. He reached out and held her hand, ducking his head away for a moment and rubbing at his face with the inside of his elbow. She felt touched that he actually shed a tear. "I'm still mad at you."

"That's fair," he said with a gentle squeeze of her hand. "You scared all of us, Gabs."

"Even Rizzoli?" She asked with a smirk.

"She was the most fuckin' terrified," He said quite seriously, before a grin graced his features. "Mostly because she thought she'd get blamed for your stupidity."

Gabby chuckled. "You're tellin' me she somehow made my being stabbed about her? Way to go, Rizzoli."

He looked at her for a while, she couldn't really read his face, but his eyes were soft. She couldn't really remember him looking at her with that much affection before, but then again if he was ever going to, now made the most sense.

"After Gina died we ended the protection, but she didn't want to come back. She'd met a guy and she was pregnant. She wanted to give it a real shot. She asked me not to tell anyone and I've been living a lie ever since, because yeah I do still love her. I hope you understand I never wanted to lie to you, Gabs. I hate that I had to, but she's my heart. What else could I do?"

If anyone understood the idiotic lengths a person would go to for someone they loved, it was Gabby. She sighed heavily, trying to find room for a little forgiveness in her soul. She tried not to think about how easily Rachael had discarded Melissa, because she knew if the situation was reversed and she'd had to go into protection, she'd have been chomping at the bit to return home. She certainly wouldn't have found a fucking replacement. But why was she surprised? Rachael had always embraced her Catholicism. It was no doubt the perfect opportunity to start again and live a normal life. That damn woman never deserved Melissa's love.

"She has a kid?"

"Yeah, a seven year old son. She named him Dylan."

Gabby's eyes widened in absolute shock. Dylan was her father's middle name. Charles Dylan Wilson. Alec nodded at her, as if to confirm what she was thinking. Rachael had named her son after her father. That was unexpected.

"Why can't she come home?"

"A month before Missy was attacked in Chicago, Rachael found a note on her windscreen. Someone had recognised her and was threatening her life, because they blame her for Liam's disappearance. She was in a position to up and disappear, so she did."

Oh damn.

"Missy in Chicago was bait, right? That prick is trying to lure her out."

"We believe so, yeah."

Gabby took a moment to let the new reality sink in. It left her feeling sick to her stomach and absolutely wrecked. Her mind shifted to Alexis and it took everything she had not to break down in a mess of tears. She already knew the answer before she asked the question. "And Alex?"

"Yeah, we think she was bait too. I think they were banking on your distress luring Rachael back home, and well I mean, it certainly made her keep an eye on you for a bit. Thankfully."

Gabby's mental wheels were stuck spinning in the dirt. Alexis died because some maniac was convinced Rachael, or maybe even all of them, had something to do with Liam's missing person status. She looked away to try and regain her composure because she felt tears begin to form in her eyes. This was her fault, no doubt about it. The moment she brought Alexis back into her life a giant target was placed on her head.

"Are you alright?"

She looked at him and shook her head. "Not at all."

He squeezed her hand, a reminder that he still gave a shit, even if all of this was starting to feel like too damn much too her. "We can take a break."

"No. Tell me you've at least got this narrowed down further than Jane does?" Gabby practically begged, desperate to be able to identify the person responsible. Desperate to know who she was going to hunt to the ends of the earth until she could end them once and for all.

He studied her for a moment before continuing, "We think either Douglas or Justin or maybe both of them. They're both technically missing too, but no remains have ever been found, or even any indication of foul play." Alec explained, "I was actually going to talk to Jane about all of this tonight."

Gabby remembered those two. They were antagonising pricks that she'd had more than one run in with. Always doing Liam's bidding. Thick as thieves, the lot of them. "Is she gonna come back once we catch the bastard?"

"I honestly don't know. It's not like we keep in touch a lot."

There was a look in his eyes that worried her. It felt like a real possibility her former best friend would step back into her old life once this bastard was caught. Melissa was finally getting her life together and Rachael returning would threaten everything. It would emotionally devastate Melissa, which might end her relationship with Jane, which would undoubtedly end any fucking hope she had of winning Maura's affections. "This has to stay between us. If Missy finds out…"

"Oh, I'm aware." He agreed. "That's why I think when Jane comes back and we take your statement you should just say you can't remember anything after getting stabbed."

"Don't you worry, I'll be succinct and to the point. Kind of like Bruiser's knife was." She managed a smile, keeping her sense of humour was beyond important right now, because her head was swimming with so much information that she couldn't even begin to process it.

"So it was Bruiser?"

"Yeah."

"He took a nine millimetre through the temple. So the prick got what he deserved."

Gabby's eyebrows shot up. She couldn't remember gunfire, but then she was pretty out of it after she was stabbed, aside from the vague memories that had come to her in her sleep. "Rachael?"

"Yeah I'd say so."

Gabby remained silent for a little while before asking, "Is it wrong that I still want to punch her in the mouth?"

"Given the sum of all parts? No. I think it's probably warranted."

He spoke so calmly it was almost hilarious. He really did live and die by his code and stealing your best friend's girl trumped saving your best friend's life every single time. At least in this situation it clearly did and that was quite frankly all she gave a damn about. It was his one saving grace. "Good to know."

"I just want you to know I didn't think there was anything she could do with the lead I gave her that night." Jane explained, after they sat down at the same table in the courtyard they had been sitting the last time they spoke.

Maura hadn't said a word since they left the ward, caught the elevator down to the main floor, bought what masqueraded as coffee from the cafeteria and then made their way to the courtyard. Not a single word. Her face had been mostly neutral, if not pleasant at times, smiling at anyone who made eye contact in the midst of their short journey. She wasn't smiling now and it made Jane feel incredibly nervous.

"Maybe I should have said something Saturday, but I was just hoping she would be alright." Jane continued, suspecting that every word she said dug the hole a little deeper.

"Do I wish you exercised more common sense given it was the night of Alexis' funeral? Yes. Do I blame you? No." Maura said curtly, "However I'm under the impression that there's something significant you have all been keeping from me."

Jane forced half a smile. Her guts churned and she felt an absolute seething rage towards Gabby for manipulating the situation like she had. She thought they'd had an understanding that Maura didn't need to know, for her own safety. Jane tried not to think about the fact that Alexis' death in some ways changed the equation. Whatever deal that had been made with the Devil was now in tatters. He loomed large over them in every way and, fuck, Gabby was right. Maura absolutely needed to know.

"It's true, we have." Jane sighed and added, "At my insistence. You were kept in the dark at my insistence."

Maura's eyes widened, clearly that admittance hit hard in one way or another. "Please explain."

Jane didn't even know how to start, but figured she would just lead with the most pertinent fact. "The man that killed Alexis isn't linked to Hoyt beyond copying his MO. The attack in Chicago as you yourself indicated, was the same responsible party. I think it's all linked back to a hit taken out on Missy in 2005."

"The accident that claimed Rachael's life?" Maura asked.

Jane nodded. She took in several deep breaths, because what was to come might just be the hardest to explain. "I've known he has been here in Launceston since the day after you and I broke up. I wasn't… I didn't… I couldn't. I uh, I went to a bar and ordered a drink. Long story short I was drugged and uh, I dunno Maura. I don't know what he intended at that moment, I just know that Missy faced him down and made a deal to save our lives."

"He drugged you?" Maura braced herself against the table, her face running the gamut of multiple emotions from concern and fear, ending in what looked like distress.

Jane reached out for Maura's hand in an attempt to comfort her, but Maura snatched her hand away. "Maura."

"You were drugged by a serial killer and didn't think that was something I needed to know?" Maura's tone was cool and calculated.

"I was trying to keep you safe, Maura. Part of the deal was for me to stay away from you and I figured since you already made it very clear how you felt, that it wasn't going to make much difference one way or the other."

"This madman wanted you to keep your distance from me and you didn't warn me?"

Jane clenched her fists tightly, slamming her left hand into her thigh. It wasn't exactly a clear cut situation. "It was a judgement call, Maura. He threatened Gabby and Kelly and even my own life if we didn't do what he wanted. Why the Hell do you think Kelly just up and left without a fight?"

Maura tilted her head in the way that Jane usually found cute, but the absolute vitriol in her response sapped all the cuteness from the action. "Because you had intercourse with her wife, Jane."

"Damnit Maura, no. At that point, no. We were faking it." Jane said with exasperation, forgetting that she hadn't explained everything in its entirety and that Maura wasn't to know what she hadn't been told.

"But you said…"

"I know what I said Maura. At the time I was banking on you believing me when the truth came out. I just didn't realise that you were right about everything else. Would Missy and I be together if circumstances didn't bring us closer? I don't know. God, I'd like to think I wouldn't be that inept with my own feelings, but clearly I'm an idiot when it comes to them."

Maura's mouth opened and closed several times. Each time it looked like she was going to say something she changed her mind. Maura eventually settled on shaking her head and taking a sip from what was clearly awful coffee based on the wince that appeared on her face. She stared across the courtyard, clearly wanting to avoid eye contact.

"I'm sorry," Jane said softly, "I had to help her. I couldn't just watch her lose everyone."

"It always comes back to Melissa, doesn't it Jane?" Maura asked, her eyes moving from across the courtyard to meet with Jane's.

"That's not fair, Maura." Jane snapped, "I was just as worried about you. I just felt for the time being you would be safe. I thought I could solve this before it even became a big issue."

"Well clearly you've lost your touch." Maura's tone was biting and her eyes burned with anger. "Alexis is dead and Gabby nearly died, on your watch Jane."

That was a low blow. Jane mentally reeled from the bitterness behind her ex-fiancée's words. She couldn't do this. She could not sit here and listen to Maura of all people talk to her like that. She didn't need a single soul to remind her that she had failed, that people had died, almost died and may yet die because she was failing at her job. She was more than fucking aware of that.

Jane glared at Maura, she was so damn hurt and angry, she didn't know what to say. Thankfully, as far as Jane was concerned anyways, her mobile phone started ringing and she snatched it out of her pocket. "Rizzoli."

"Jane, this is Doctor Levinson."

Immediately all anger and hurt washed away, replaced with an instant concern because she knew Melissa had an appointment this afternoon. "Gloria, what's going on? Is Missy alright?"

"She's not okay. She wanted me to wait until after your shift to call you, but I'm beyond concerned. I would really like it if you were to come to my office as soon as possible."

Jane was already on her feet, ignoring the confused look Maura sent in her direction as she headed for the nearest exit. "I'm on my way."

"What's going on, Jane?" Maura asked, apparently keeping up with her as she retreated.

Jane was so done explaining herself or defending her actions. She wasn't perfect. She did the best she could in any given situation and if the phone hadn't interrupted her she may well have actually gone so far as to tell Maura to go fuck herself. Instead, she said the one thing that would probably equate to that in Maura's mind anyway. "Missy needs me."

"Jane," Maura's voice was so surprisingly soft that it actually stopped Jane in her tracks. She hadn't expected Maura to say anything else at all. She was clearly hurt and disappointed and angry with her because of everything she'd kept from her and she was ditching her for Melissa again. So why on earth was her voice so soft?

Jane felt Maura's hand on her arm and it wasn't a tight grip at all. It felt like comfort. It felt like her best friend. Jane felt tears well in her eyes because she knew that the chasm between them was only widening today. She turned hesitantly and looked at Maura, whose face was awash with concern. Jane didn't know what switch had flipped in Maura's head, but she welcomed it.

"That was Doctor Levinson?"

Jane nodded.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Jane simply stared at Maura for what felt like an eternity. Finally she found the strength to speak. "I'm sorry I was a shitty fiancée. I'm sorry I'm a shitty friend. Please just let me have this, I need this. I need to be there for her. I need to… I just… Maura, please."

Maura ran her hands along Jane's shoulders and straightened out her collar. It was a familiar intimate touch. Jane closed her eyes and used it to try and calm down. It was like when they were in Boston long before romance ever came into the equation. She was getting worked up over the whole hero gala thing and Maura had gotten her dressed and before they left she had done the same thing. She had smoothed out creases and adjusted her collar and told her everything would be okay. Jane really needed to hear that right now.

"Melissa will be okay, Jane." Maura said soothingly, "Because you are the best person I know. You will go and you will talk to Gloria and you will support Melissa in whichever way she needs. Because that is who you are, Jane Rizzoli."

Jane opened her eyes, pressed a kiss against Maura's forehead and looked into her eyes. She didn't say any words, but she hoped Maura could feel her thanks and appreciation. The look they shared lingered just long enough to soothe the last of her nerves before she turned and sprinted away.

Maura waited for Jane to disappear back into the hospital before turning her attention to the coffee cup the detective had swept from the table in her frustration. Maura also grabbed her cup of coffee, which closely resembled swill and tossed both cups into a nearby garbage can. Her palette would need cleansing to remove the taste from her mouth.

Maura sat back down at the table and sucked in several deep breaths, looking for a little peace in the smell of the plants in the courtyard. Thoughts swirled around relentlessly in her brain. She folded her hands over on the table. She wanted to sift through the information she had learned from Jane and how it was truly making her feel. Jane looked like she was ready to explode right before the phone call came through and in hindsight Maura recognised that she had been a little churlish honing in on something she knew would hurt Jane. She wasn't used to expressing her pain in such an unproductive, thoughtless way. It was cruel and unkind.

Jane was clearly distressed, especially once Doctor Levinson called. As much as she felt hurt and angered by Jane's decision making, it was childish to ram Jane's obvious insecurities about not having caught the killer down her throat. Thankfully she had been able to reel in her emotions and offer a little support before Jane departed. Hopefully it left them in better standing than they would have been before the phone interrupted them. Maura felt like it had, because Jane's eyes had been soft and thankful before she hurried away to play hero.

Jane's personality now revolved around running off to save Melissa and that was highly unlikely to change given the woman's mental history. Maura wasn't exactly sure it would be good for Jane and her relationship in the long run. If Melissa didn't make real progress the constant interruptions to Jane's work would wear the detective down. Maura knew she could easily cling to that knowledge and prepare to step into the breach when Jane's relationship eventually failed, but she would feel like a vulture. She wanted to be someone worthy of Jane's love, and that meant showing herself and Jane that she could respect Jane's current relationship and support Jane when needed.

It wasn't like Maura had any intention of playing a significant role in Jane's life for the foreseeable future, but when their paths crossed as they appeared to do from time to time, she wanted to hold herself to a better standard than this afternoon's conversation. All she had done with her churlish behaviour was reinforce all the negatives in Jane's mind. Why had she reacted that way? Who was she to expect that Jane would perfectly handle any situation right now, let alone right after she had broken her heart?

The answer was quite simple really. She was a woman still reeling from the breakdown of the most significant romantic relationship in her life. It came as a direct detriment to the most important friendship in her life. Maura wasn't comfortable with the feelings churning around in her intestines, not one little bit. She loathed that Jane had hidden things from her. She loathed that Jane had made important decisions without consulting her, even if the situation dictated it the most reasonable course of action. She loathed the fact Melissa had played the hero. Melissa had somehow saved Jane from death or torture or any number of equally awful fates, and it irked her. No wonder Jane had gravitated so quickly towards Melissa. Their entire relationship this time around was built on shared secrets and heightened emotions. It surely couldn't last, could it?

It was much easier thinking about those feelings, than to focus on the fact that she could have lost Jane permanently. No, Maura chose not to think about that at all. There was too much almost losing people that mattered going around right now. Those thoughts should be reserved for when she could soak in the tub with a nice glass of wine and some Yo Yo Ma playing in the background to keep her calm.

Maura closed her eyes, continuing to take deep breaths through her nose to smell the greenery. She tried really hard to meditate and push all of the negative and painful thoughts from her mind. She focused on the sound of the wind rustling through the leaves. She heard the sound of traffic from the main road and the sound of a door opening.

Maura opened her eyes and looked towards the entrance she heard the squeak of the hinge come from. Alec walked into the courtyard, looking a little vexed. He offered her a weary smile, his eyes shifting around the vicinity before he sat down at the table opposite her. He looked around him one more time before asking, "Where's Jane?"

"Melissa's psychiatrist called. She's left to go deal with that situation." Maura answered, surprised Jane hadn't updated Alec of her departure. It was very unprofessional and very unlike Jane.

Alec's phone dinged and he quickly looked at it. "Ah, yes. She just let me know." He met her gaze head on and as almost always seemed to be the case it appeared to Maura that there was a lot more going on in that mind of his than meets the eye. "How are you?"

Maura smiled politely and considered his question. She didn't know how to answer him given the gamut of emotion she had already run on this particular day. From getting the call that Gabby was conscious and wanted to speak to her and having to finish up with classes before she could get to the hospital. Then this whole thing with Jane. She was simply, "Overwhelmed."

"Yeah, I imagine you would be. She's had a lot going on."

"Did you know she knew the killer was here before Alexis was killed?"

He nodded. "Once she stopped suspecting me of being the killer we had a pretty in depth conversation about what's been going on. She was just trying to protect you."

Maura's eyebrows arched in surprise. "Jane thought you could be the killer?"

"A lot of circumstantial evidence. Height, build, eye colour, accent, motive. I can't really blame her."

"Oh, right. Rachael."

He nodded again. "Thankfully I had a rock solid alibi. Because we really need to find this guy before he takes someone else out."

He looked so sad and yet he still looked like there was so much more going on under the surface. He was hiding something, she could feel it in her bones. Her mind flashed back to earlier in Gabby's room. She had been so focused on Jane, that she hadn't quite processed all of Gabby's words. Thinking back she almost startled herself as Gabby's accusation toward Alec suddenly made a lot more sense. "Oh my goodness," Maura exclaimed, "She wasn't delirious was she? Rachael's alive."

Alec stared at her, a stone cold look on his face. He didn't move, didn't speak, he barely even blinked. His silence was as good as confirmation in Maura's book. This changed everything.

"What is going on Alec?"

He finally snapped out of his frozen state and simply shook his head. "This is not happening," he uttered quietly, standing and glancing towards the exit. "You're mistaken."

Maura was on her feet almost as quickly. She was not going to be dismissed so lightly. "You can leave, but I will go in that room and I will demand Gabby tell me the truth. She won't lie to me."

He scratched at the back of his head, his eyes still glancing in the direction of the exit. He clearly looked like a man considering all of his options including fleeing. "Look, you can do what you want. I'm telling you, if that's what she thought she saw, it's fiction. It's all in her head."

"Alec," she said firmly, shifting her focus to a different weapon in her arsenal. He had covered tracks quickly in front of Jane. She suspected he didn't want Jane to know, because there was absolutely zero impact from herself knowing. Jane was the one in a relationship with Melissa. Melissa was the last person Rachael was in love with before she 'died'. Melissa's mental health was clearly the concern and while she felt like she was taking advantage of the situation she was tired of being kept in the dark. "You can tell me the truth or I can tell Jane what Gabby told me."

"Oh my God woman," Alec sounded panicked. "Give me your word that you will not tell Jane or Missy. I'm dead serious. This isn't a game. This is literally life and death."

He hadn't exactly confirmed anything, but he had made it very clear that she was correct. Maura actually had to sit down. She looked up at him and nodded almost imperceptibly. It didn't take a genius to understand the ramifications from this revelation could spread far and wide if the truth came out. Melissa's mental health was clearly already in a precarious position and for a second she tried to imagine what it would feel like if she were in Melissa's shoes. Her entire life haunted by the spectre of a dead love that wasn't actually dead at all. Maura felt sick to her stomach thinking about it. Now this, this right here was a secret someone should keep, if they cared at all about the people involved. She cared about Jane. "You have my word."

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A/N: Finally! All day I haven't been able to upload to the site, but it's working at last. So I just want to say thank you to everyone for reading. To the guests that ask when am I updating, I usually update every 7 - 21 days. The reason it varies is chapter size, plus I have to manage my mental health, and I run everything by my partner because I'm human and sometimes I need prodding to be my best. Sometimes my partner is very busy, as a result there are sometimes delays.

I also want to say I am really appreciating the commenters who are making their feelings about Jane and Missy very clear, but still showing respect to me as a creator. You can bad mouth any character as much as you want, it's a soap, I expect it, cause they are doing soap like things ha ha

Anyways, who saw that very soap like twist coming? How are you feeling about the reintroduction of Rachael into the equation? Is Maura going to keep her word? Do you even want Maura to keep her word?

Thanks for coming on this journey with me!