"You immediately thought the relationship would fail." Dr. Huang said. "Why is that?"

"I don't know." She said. "I just couldn't imagine that he would feel the same."

"Why not?" The psychiatrist prodded trying imply he knew the way her mind worked. "Because you're unlovable?"

She smiled weakly, but didn't respond. It wasn't just that she was unlovable. It was that everything good in her life went to shit quicker than she could respond.

"What would you change?" Huang asked. "If you could go back?"

"Everything." She replied without hesitation. "If I could undo it I would."

"Do you regret what happened?"

"I wish I could forget." Olivia whispered into the safe silence where she wouldn't be judged where she was allowed to collect her thoughts. "I want to forget everything we had."

"But you were so happy." He reminded her. "You said you felt free."

"I did." The tears she had been trying to keep to herself all evening were making their way down her cheeks. "It was the happiest I've ever been in my whole life."

"You can still regret things that made you happy." He offered. "There's no shame in feeling both at the same time."

She wiped her tears away. Annoyed at herself for letting her emotions get the best of her.

They hadn't even gotten to the bad part yet.

Chapter 7: The Good Part

If you put this scene on a movie screen

is it called a happy end?

If the world gets me

where I'm supposed to be

Will I know I've made it then?

It's so hard

Can we skip to the good part?

"The Good Part" – AJR [The Click]

I sat up suddenly.

There was a rational explanation for this I was sure.

He wouldn't just leave after last night?

Would he?

He wouldn't tell me he loved me, he wanted to leave his wife and then just leave without a word?

Would he?

I heard noises from the kitchen then and relief hit me hard. I slipped out of bed, I was still wearing his shirt.

"Hey." He said, he was wearing jeans and was bare chested. He had made two cups of coffee. "Did I wake you?"

"No."

"What do you normally eat for breakfast?" He asked as he gestured around my kitchen.

My hands wrapped around the mug. "Come on, do you really think I eat breakfast?"

"Liv, it's the most important meal of the day." The way he said it was in such a matter-of-fact tone. "Skipping it is not an option."

I smiled as I felt a familiar warmth spread over me.

"What?" He said.

"You're still here."

"Of course I'm still here." He sat down at the table, gripping his coffee mug too. His blue eyes met mine and I saw the realization hit him. "Wait, did you think I'd left?"

"Kind of." I admitted. "But just for a second or two."

"Olivia." He sounded hurt. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It's obviously me."

He leaned over the table to cup my face in his hands. "What do I have to do to prove to you how much I love you?"

"I just need time." I whispered and kissed him deeply.

"I shouldn't have gotten up without you." He muttered. "I was just so hungry."

Now I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sure I have some pancake mix here somewhere."

"From 1999?" He asked skeptically and I laughed again.

"No."

He made the pancakes and we had breakfast in bed. Elliot made even more coffee and we decided to order in for lunch. We weren't leaving the apartment or answering our phones until the next day.

Cragen had told us both to take the day off and that's what we were doing.

We were sitting in bed, leaning against the headrest when I said:

"I need to take a shower."

Elliot grinned, sliding closer. "Can I join?"

I actually laughed. "You won't fit."

A mischievous grin appeared on his face and his blue eyes blazed as he said: "I think we've established that I fit just perfectly, Olivia."

I blushed and he chuckled, clearly happy with himself.

"I'm going to have a shower now." I said hoping my complexion would return to normal soon. "You can check the bottom of the closet I have some...ex-boyfriend's T-Shirts in there, they're clean."

He looked amused, but didn't say anything.

Once I was in the shower I was shocked to realize that I missed him. Actually physically missed him while he was in the other room.

I was so in love I felt like crying.

So full of emotion I was sure I'd burst.

Elliot was here. He had stayed the night. He loved me.

And how I loved him.

I barely recognized myself as I studied my face in the mirror and blow dried my hair. There was a light in my eyes I hadn't seen in a while.

I was happy. Genuinely happy.

I was excited.

When I returned to the bedroom Elliot had made the bed, cleaned away our plates and was wearing an old washed out T-Shirt I usually saved for my worst days when I just hung out.

"Who did this use to belong to?" He asked.

"Cassidy." I replied and grinned. "It looks better on you though."

He chuckled and kissed my forehead before vanishing inside the bathroom himself. He had his own toothbrush here.

I flopped down on the bed, I knew we wouldn't leave it today and while it was a sweet gesture that he had made it I knew that had been a fruitless task.

Just to have something else to do than to stare at the bathroom door until he came back I made some tea. Anything to calm my nerves. Happiness was a strange sensation for me. Like a sudden constant that had appeared out of thin air and had lodged itself deep within me.

I folded the blanket from last night, draping it over the sofa, rearranged the pillows and didn't hear Elliot coming up behind me, his strong arms wrapping around my waist, pulling me against his broad chest.

"I missed you." He whispered into my ear, brushing the sensitive skin of my neck with his lips expertly.

"Same." I sighed, turning around in his arms.

He leaned his forehead against mine and I couldn't stop myself from smiling when our eyes met. He brushed his lips against mine in the gentlest manner and pulled myself closer to him.

My mind was spinning and I was embarrassed by the hold he had on me. How one kiss jumbled my thoughts up. How my legs barely seemed to function.

I poured us both a mug and we sat down on the sofa.

"So." He said with a hint a of a smile. "About last night..."

I gripped the hot mug tightly, ignoring the burning sensation. This was it. We were going to have the talk right now.

"Do you get panic attacks often?"

"Oh." I was stunned and dropped my gaze. "No, actually. That was my first one. I don't recommend them." I tried to play it off with humor but Elliot wasn't fooled.

"You thought I was going to loose it just because you have a sexual history?" He asked in a serious tone.

"Well." I blushed putting the mug down on the coffee-table before me. "I wasn't really thinking."

I had been spiraling with no end in sight.

"Liv, I'm not gonna lie, I hate the idea of another man touching you." I looked up in surprise and met his warm gaze. "But whatever this is, it only just started. I would never use your past against you.."

"Whatever this is?" I repeated.

A small smile flickered across his smile. "This relationship." He said with a clear emphasis that left no room for discussion. "Is that ok?"

"Yes." I said and leaned forward to kiss him. "Yes that's ok."

"But it wasn't ok, was it?" Dr. Huang asked her.

"I was so scared." She admitted. She had stopped crying. Now she felt distanced from what she was saying as if she were describing events that had happened to another person.

Another Olivia.

From another life.

"Did you not believe him when he said he loved you?"

"I did." She said. "We did love each other, so much. But I knew it wouldn't last."

"Why?"

She looked up from the tea mug she'd been staring into. The look in her eyes was empty as she said:

"Because nothing good ever lasts in my life."

"If you could be anywhere that isn't New York where would you go?"

I rolled onto my side to look at him. "What?"

"Any place in the world, where would you go?"

"Hmm...I don't know." I admitted.

"Haven't you ever thought about it?" He asked tracing my face with his fingertip gently.

Even the slightest touch made my brain mushy and I tore my gaze away from his.

"Not really." I said. "I mean I can't imagine being anywhere else. What about you?"

"Seattle." He said without hesitation.

"Really?" I sat up and leaned against the bed, drawing the blanket around me. "Why?"

"Ferryboats." He replied honestly. "I always thought it would be nice to be close to them and see them."

"Maybe we can go together sometime." The suggestion left my mouth before I could stop it.

"What, move to Seattle?"

"No." I actually laughed because moving away from New York seemed so very ridiculous to me in that moment. "Just for a vacation."

"Yeah." Elliot sat up beside me. "Let's do that."

"What if Cragen wants to split us up?" I asked, once again the question just jumped out of me. "As partners I mean."

"He won't. We're the best he has."

"I know, but we're not supposed to..." I blushed. "You know."

"Yeah." His blue eyes blazed as he gave me a cheeky grin. "Pretty sure this wasn't what he meant when he mentioned the mutual stroke fest."

I laughed and was surprised by how genuine it sounded.

But my laughter soon faded, when I whispered: "I can't imagine not working at SVU." There was a silence until I added: "I can't imagine not working with you."

"I can." Elliot replied softly. "I mean, if..." He swallowed and dropped his gaze. "If he decides to split us up then I could be reassigned somewhere else. I wouldn't mind."

"Well I would!" I was surprised by the harshness in my voice. "I don't want to work with someone else."

"Neither do I, Liv." He replied softly to placate me. "But if we're forced to decide between working together or being together, then I'd chose being with you."

I nodded. I felt the same way. The idea of working with someone else was terrifying, but if I had him in my life I could do it.

"Maybe we can do both." I said. "If we can prove to Cragen that we can walk together and love each other."

"Maybe." He agreed. "I mean, it doesn't really make a difference. I always would have taken a bulet for you."

"We should keep it to ourselves for a while." I said. "Before we tell Cragen at least, but you should tell..."

"Tomorrow." Elliot interrupted gently. "I'm going to talk to her tomorrow."

"And the kids?"

"We'll figure it out, Liv." He promised, leaning his head against mine. "Let's just enjoy this day today, alright?" He put his arm around my shoulders pulling me closer to him, brushing his lips against my forehead gently.

My eyes fluttered shut. I was so tired and so content with him, I fell asleep immediately in his arms.

"What do you mean?" Dr. Huang asked gently.

"All of my relationships went to hell." This was the first thing that came to her mind whenever she thought of the bad luck she'd encountered throughout her entire life. "I have no family. My Dad is a rapist, my mother always hated me and the brother I found well he..." She sighed, shrugging. "I lost him too."

The FBI agent looked at her with a look that was half pity, half expectation. He knew she wasn't saying everything that was on her mind.

"There has always been a darkness inside of me." Olivia finally said. "And it follows me. Everywhere I turn it's there, it won't go away."

Dr. Huang nodded as if he understood. "Do you think this darkness has to do with the job?"

There once had been a defiance in Detective Olivia Benson. A large part of her that would always defend working at SVU with an absolute certainty.

"Probably." She muttered, looking up at him.

A part of her that would never give up the good fight. That would continue to stand up for victims no matter her personal cost.

"But I was fired today, so it doesn't really matter."

That part of her was gone.

"If you weren't a cop." He began his next question while we ate pizza in bed. "What would you be?"

I laughed. "Elliot, these questions are ridiculous."

"No they're not!" He immediately defended himself. "Come on."

"I don't know." I chuckled. "What would you be?"

"An astronaut." He said without hesitating even for a second.

"Really?"

"Yes, are you surprised?"

I opened my mouth to tell him a clear yes, when I realized it did fit him in a way. It was a job you were committed to one hundred percent, working in a team of other people who understood completely what your job was like.

"No." I finally said. "But I don't know what I would be."

"Well, you wouldn't be anything creative."

"Hey!" I smacked his shoulder and he chuckled.

I bit of a piece of pizza and contemplated while I chewed.

"It's hard." I said. "Not being a cop, I mean. When I was undercover in Oregon I couldn't stay away from a case, I just couldn't help myself."

"I remember." He gave me a small smile. "You told me when you got back, after Dani left."

I couldn't help it and actually groaned which made Elliot laugh.

"Look at that, I'm not the only jealous one then."

I blushed furiously and put the pizza down. "That's not what I'm saying."

"What are you saying, detective?"

"Nothing. Except that I only spoke to this woman once and I can say with an absolute certainty that I hate her."

Elliot laughed genuinely and put his hand on my knee reassuringly. I was wearing his shirt from yesterday and had the blanket draped over my legs. I still felt the warmth of his touch through the material.

"If we're already on that topic, I hate Dean Porter."

I rolled my eyes. "We only kissed once and that was a pretense."

"Dani and I only kissed once too." He still had his hand on my knee.

"Oh." I said looking down at his hand. "I thought..."

"No." Elliot said in a promising tone. "It was only a kiss."

"I'm starting to hate her less."

He chuckled.

We were silent for a moment until I said: "You said that she couldn't deal with the victims. That that's why she left."

"Dani?" He repeated. "Yeah. You remember that?"

"Not because I was jealous." I grinned. The truth was I had been jealous of Dani for long time, but that wasn't why I remembered all these details. "It's just..." I put the crust from my pizza down in the box lying between us. "Not everyone can do this job, El. And if we don't do it..."

"Someone else will." He said softly. "Remember, we can always walk away."

I swallowed. "I'm not sure I can."

"Liv, look at me." I shifted my body so I could look at him. His hand cupped my cheek gently, running his thumb across my sensitive skin. "I love this job just as much as you do. I get it." I closed my eyes. I didn't want to talk about this. I was worried I would start crying. "But I love you more. I can step aside." I opened my eyes again and met his. Hearing him profess his love for me made me smile. I knew it always would. "You can carry on working at SVU, become Captain one day..." I laughed because that was absurd. I'd never be captain. "And I'll work somewhere else, maybe somewhere with better hours and after work, we'll have this." He gestured between our bodies. "We'll have us." He was grinning. "We can live our life together and work separately. What do you think about that?"

"I love it." I whispered.

I was surprised because at how much I loved it and also of all the thought he had put into this.

Elliot leaned forward and pressed his lips against my forehead gently. Then he leaned back against the head board again.

"So?" He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "If you wouldn't be a cop, what would you be?"

I snuggled close to him and he put his arm around me again. Yawning I closed my eyes.

"We're living in Seattle, I'm an astronaut and you are...?"

I smiled and opened my eyes again. "A counselor of some sort." I realized. "Maybe teach self-defense."

"Hmm." He muttered, leaning his head against mine. "Yeah I can see that. You'd still be advocating for victims."

I closed my eyes again with a small sigh. Elliot was running his fingers up and down my arm gently.

"Elliot." I whispered.

Although I'd only said one word he understood immediately that something wasn't right.

"What's wrong?"

"What's going to happen next?"

Once again my question was vague, but as always Elliot understood what I was getting at.

"I'll talk to Kathy. We will get a divorce, I'll move out." He paused. "I may need to crash here until I found something permanent."

"Of course."

What should I have said? I was the reason he had to leave after all.

There was one question on my mind that was burning a hole in my heart and soul and I was terrified of asking it, but just ignoring the topic all together was even worse.

"What about the kids?" I whispered. "What about Eli? He's so young..."

"Eli will grow up with both of his parents happy. All of them will be better of with us not together, the constant fighting and bickering will be over." He paused for a long moment. "And if you want to, you could become a step-mother to them."

"Of course I want to." I sat up again to look at him. "I want to be with you, your kids are a part of you."

The answering smile on his face was enough to make my heart melt.

"But..."

Elliot groaned, leaning back. "I knew you'd find a but."

I rolled my eyes. "They won't be too happy about this."

"Not at first." He agreed. "But they will adjust, they know you, they like you. And they will see how good you are for me."

I dropped the basically empty pizza box on the floor and moved closer to him, resting my head against his strong chest. He pulled me close, lowering us both into a lying position.

"Do you want to hear my plan?" He muttered.

His heart beat was strong and steady just beneath my finger tips. It had a calming effect on me.

"You have a plan?"

"Of course." He ran his fingers through my hair gently and my eyes fluttered close. "I will move out of the house. The twins can come and stay with me on the weekends, with Eli. Once they've gotten settled into that routine we can talk to them about us, you can come by for a few hours, spend some time with them."

I could see it. Sarurdays with the Stabler kids, sitting on the floor with Eli and playing with toy bricks, talking to Lizzy about boys and helping Dickie out with girl troubles he might be facing...

"Maureen and Kathleen will be another story, they're older so they'll be more understanding. I'll meet with them for coffee soon and explain the situation calmly."

"Yeah." I muttered, giving up on keeping my eyes open. "I like it."

His low chuckled rumbled through his chest and I felt it as much as I heard it.

"Feeling tired, detective?"

"Yeah." I sighed and he pulled the sheets around me tighter.

"Sleep, Liv." He whispered into my ear. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

I was out in seconds, the smile still on my face.

"How did it make you feel? That he had a plan?"

"Safe. Scared. Happy. I don't know. I felt so much." Olivia had started pacing around the small living room.

If Dr. Huang was bothered by her sudden desire to move, he didn't show it.

"Safe and Scared?" He repeated.

"Well, safe because he was committed and scared because he was committed."

He nodded understandingly. "It was a lot of responsibility."

"Yes!" It was the first time she had shown anger while telling her story. "He wanted to move out, have me befriend his kids, I mean, what if they hated me?"

"Did they?" He fired back. "Did they hate you?"

"I don't know." She sighed, sitting back down. "We never got that far."

After all, this relationship, whatever it was, had been over before it had started.

They'd never stood a chance.

"Tell me something about you." Elliot pleaded. "Something I don't already know."

I drank a sip of my wine and set it aside. After sleeping peacefully for two hours I'd woken up full of energy and we'd made love again. Twice. Then we ate cereal from the box because I didn't have any milk that wasn't sour and after that I'd poured us each a glass of Cabernet.

"El, you know everything, believe me. No one knows me like you do."

"Come on, everyone has secrets."

I shot him a glare. "Tell me your secret then."

He chuckled. "Hey I asked you first."

Although his smile was genuine and contagious I felt my heart flutter nervously in my chest.

"Give me an original Olivia Benson Fun Fact."

"I don't have..." I sighed. "All of my secrets are terrible. I only have dark, depressing facts."

"I'll take whatever you've got, Liv."

He cocked his head to the side, studying me intently. Feeling warm underneath his gaze I reached for the wine glass again.

Should I have told him about my first boyfriend, the 21 year old who had deflowered me when I'd been 16? Or about the time when I was 14 and started throwing up my food just because I was terrified of not being in shape?

"Most of the time, at least these past few...dates..." This was so humiliating I drank my wine faster. "I was..." I sighed and finally said it out loud: "I was thinking about you."

Few things could surprise, let alone shock Elliot Stabler, but my confession seemed to have done the trick.

"You were thinking about me while–"

"Yes." I interrupted because I didn't want him to say it out-loud.

"On your dates." He said. "With other men, you–"

"Yes." I said. "Moving on. Tell me something about you."

"When I was six I wanted to be an architect."

"Oh come on!" I snapped. "My one was juicy and embarrassing, I don't care about your childhood dreams."

He laughed and I found myself laughing too. Of course I cared about his childhood dreams, I cared about every aspect of his life.

"Why did you become a cop then?"

"It just made sense at the time." He said so very matter-of-factly which I got. Sometimes things in life just turned out one way beyond our control, because they were meant to be.

I wanted to ask him more about his, but then he asked in a more serious tone:

"Can we circle back to you thinking about me?"

"No." I said, once again reaching for my glass of wine.

"Liv, I'm not trying to embarrass you I promise, I just...how long have you loved me?"

The directness of his question made my head spin in a different way than the wine did. His blue eyes were wide and his expression open as he waited for my response.

"I'm not sure." I said with an embarrassed smile. "I feel like saying forever is too dramatic but there was never a moment where I knew, I just...I feel like I always did."

Again he looked shocked and I dropped my gaze ashamed.

"I never would have initiated anything, I mean at first I thought it's just some crush, it will go away...and then it didn't."

He nodded now and I realized he must have felt this way too.

"Then I tried distracting myself with other people, men who actually were available, you know." It was the wine that got me talking. "Do you remember the journalist I used to date?"

"Kurt Moss?"

"Yeah." I was surprised he remembered his name. "When I broke up with him, he said something."

Elliot didn't ask he just looked at me with that open expression, waiting for me to respond.

"He was very perceptive, you know being a journalist he was good at reading people..."

What did you think Olivia?

That he was gonna leave his wife and kids for you?

Sitting in that car, hoping that one day, that he'd look over at you and suddenly realize that you were the woman that he couldn't live without?

I couldn't bring myself to say the quote out loud.

"He knew that I was in love with you before I did." I finally explained. "And that I was wasting my time and he basically told me that."

Elliot put his own glass aside and wrapped me into a hug that surprised me.

"I'm so sorry that you went through that." He whispered into my ear. "It makes me think if maybe we had gotten our acts together sooner, if I had gotten my act together..."

I pushed him away from me. "Getting your act together means leaving your family, Elliot."

"Kathy and I were separated." He disagreed, reaching out to stroke a stray hair from my forehead with gentle precision. "There was a window of time five years ago."

You and this job are the only thing I've got left anymore. I don't wanna wreck that.

"I remember." I whispered.

He leaned forward kissing me. It was a soft kiss, not the wild and hungry kind we'd been sharing all this time.

"Do you really think I know everything about you?" He asked when he pulled back again.

"You know more about me than I know about you." I said. "You know about my family, my past..."

"You know my family."

"I know your kids." I disagreed. "I know little about your parents."

A shadow flickered across is face. A shadow I knew all to well.

"I'm sorry." I said. "You don't have to say anything."

"It's just complicated." He said thoughtfully. "But not in a dramatic way. Not like–" He stopped mid-sentence with a guilty look in his face.

"Like me?" I said with a small smile.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, El. No one's family history is like mine."

"Since last year Mum and I have been talking more." He said. "She and Kathleen are getting along really well."

I nodded, remembering how Bernadette had connected with Kathleen. How they had understood each other.

"Olivia." He whispered. "There's something I've wanted to ask you and if you don't wanna answer that's ok. We'll just move on."

"Ok." I said.

He looked at me with an intense look in his eyes. "What happened in the basement?"

George looked at her with what she knew was a pitiful look. That used to bother her. But right now she needed his sympathy.

"Was it ok for you that he asked you that?"

"Yes." She whispered, tightening the blanket around her shoulders. "Because he wasn't my partner in that moment." She paused. "He was my boyfriend."

There was a long silence between us while we just looked at each other. Obviously I knew what he was talking about.

"He didn't rape me." I finally said and he sighed a sigh of relief.

When I said nothing else he whispered in a gentle tone:

"But something did happen?"

"He...um..." The assault had happened two years ago, but it was still hard for me to talk about. "He took me to a different block and then he..." This was harder than I had thought and Elliot set his glass down, moving closer to me. Our arms touched and he took my hand in his, pressing it gently. "He said if I bite him I'm dead." Elliot tensed beside me and I stroked his arm with my fingertips gently, calming him calmed me down. "I ran and hid from him, but he found me. I was handcuffed and he hit me. Fin came in and stopped him before anything happened." I paused. "It's the closest I ever got to being raped."

We were quiet for a long moment.

"Thank you for telling me."

I leaned in closer to him and he put his arm around me, resting his cheek against my head.

"I went to therapy afterwards." I admitted. "But I didn't tell anyone...only Fin knew and he promised not to say anything."

"He didn't." Elliot muttered. "He didn't say anything at all and believe me I tried to find out what happened."

I had to laugh. "I believe you."

"I uh..." Now he sounded nervous. "I paid Harris a visit."

"You did?"

"Yeah." He whispered.

I ran my fingertips up and down his arm. "What did you do?"

"I beat the crap out of him." He said in a matter-of-fact sort of way.

"Elliot..." I whispered. "You shouldn't have."

"He disrespected you." He muttered. "I knew that much. He got what he deserved."

"Thank you." I whispered and he turned his head so he could kiss me deeply. I melted in his arms. Even if he hadn't known the details, he'd always had my back.

I shifted my body ready to take the kiss further, but he pulled away.

Elliot leaned back against the bed. "Liv, if we're already talking about serious stuff, there's something I've gotta say..."

"Go ahead." I wished I had more wine. But I didn't want to get up now.

"I can't have any more kids." He whispered. "I just can't start a family with you, after already having five of them. I know that you want children, but that's not something I could give you, I'm sorry."

"Elliot, don't apologize." I said clearly. "Of course we can't start a family. That would be terrible."

"Terrible?" He repeated with a sad smile.

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean. It would be inconsiderate towards Kathy and the kids. Especially the kids."

"I don't want you to regret this and feel like you've wasted your life on me."

"Never." I whispered hoarsely. "Besides, it's not like I have a lot of other options."

"Thanks, Liv." He said it so dryly I had to laugh,

"I mean I'm not choosing you instead of another man willing to give me kids. There is no other option for me, but you."

When he looked up at me his eyes were warm, his gaze loving.

"I mean..." I pulled back from him, stretching my back back. "We could always revisit the idea later on, when we're settled. We could adopt or foster older kids."

"Yeah." He said. "I think I'd like that."

"Me too." I smiled. The idea of a young boy was in my mind instantly. Maybe because of Elliot's son. I couldn't tell.

We were quiet for a moment and because he had just asked me the things that had been on his mind so easily I said:

"Elliot..." I hesitated.

"What?" He asked. "You can ask me anything, Liv."

"How long have you..." I sighed.

"How long have I been in love with you?" He helped me out and I nodded.

Asking him was potentially painful because he had been married all this time.

"I've always..." He hesitated. "I think I've always loved you, but obviously I was with Kathy. I mean you were always...always my best friend, I always wanted the best for you, I always wanted you in my life."

I nodded, because we were on the same page.

"I always hated it when you went out on dates."

"I know." I smiled. "I just put it down to over protectiveness."

"So did I." He admitted. "I didn't realise I was jealous."

"Babbs said and I quote you had the hots for me."

He laughed. "Babbs was something."

I didn't reply and I looked at him expectantly. A red blush crept along his neck and up to his cheeks.

"I think we've established that I have the hots for you, Olivia. Numerous times."

I laughed. "When I asked you if you got a gay vibe off me you said you didn't care."

"I asked if it would matter." He corrected and I was glad he remembered this conversation. "And I mean on a professional level it wouldn't matter. You'd still be my partner."

"And on a personal level?"

"Again, I believe this is something we have established numerous times."

I rolled my eyes. "El, focus. Were you in love with me then? Was she right?"

"Yes." He said without hesitation. "But I didn't know it. I only realised how I felt after Lewis, after..." He took a deep breath. "After seeing him focus on you, after him killing Mrs. Parker...I just...I lost my mind, Liv. And I missed you so much and that's when I realized how much I love you."

"I missed you too." I whispered. "So much."

"I'm sorry." Elliot whispered and leaned in closer to kiss me. His lips brushed against my cheek. "I didn't know you were hurting so bad, I was just trying to do the right thing. But Kathy and I..." He pulled back. "We both tried to make it work, but...I don't love her Olivia. I love you."

I kissed him, because I didn't want to talk about his wife any more and because when he told me he loved me I was so overcome with a need to be close to him.

Elliot parted from me, drained his wine glass and said:

"So." He put the empty glass aside. "Are you telling me you have no embarrassing secrets to share with me? None at all."

"You are very persistent, detective Stabler." I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I'll tell you, but if you regret these past two days after hearing this then that's your own fault."

"Come on, tell me."

I took a deep breath. "I may have a secret, very subtle..." I groaned. I couldn't believe he was getting me to say this out loud. "...slight obsession with boybands."

"No!" He gasped sitting up. "Seriously? Which ones?"

"All of them." I groaned. "Back Street Boys, Westlife, Boyzone, One Direction...you name it I can probably sing along to it."

Elliot laughed. "Wow, Liv. Are you serious?"

"Yes. And if you tell anyone I will kill you."

"No one would ever believe me!"

I laughed.

"When you say obsessed?"

"Do you want to know each member's name and marital status? Because I can tell you."

"You're shitting me, Liv."

"Nick Carter and Lauren Kit aren't married, but..."

"Ok, stop. I believe you." He cupped my face in my hands to kiss me, but then said: "But you don't know their choreographies do you?"

I blushed dropping my eyes.

"I have to see that!" He chucked. "Right now."

"No!" I hit his shoulder. "It's embarrassing."

"Yeah, we are way past embarrassed, Babe."

The way he called me babe was so simple, so normal, as if he did it every day. As if he had always called me that.

"Come on, I'll teach you."

"What?" He pulled his hand from mine. "No way, forget it."

"Elliot Stabler, I am not making a fool of myself by myself. It's all or nothing." I grinned. "Which is also a lyric by the way."

"Bloody hell."

I giggled. "Come on, it's easy."

He let me pull him to his feet and we went to the living room. We pushed the table aside and I said:

"Ok, for the first position, we're gonna stand– "

"I know what position I want you to be in."

"Funny." I smirked and pushed him back. "Now come on, you need to spread your legs a bit wider."

"Ok, so we definitely mean the same position then."

"Stop it, Elliot!" I laughed. "Concentrate."

He didn't and he wouldn't. But we laughed a lot. When I accused him of pretending to doing it wrong on purpose he acted appalled and pulled me against him to slow dance.

It was easier than I'd have thought. It was as if we'd been doing this for a long time. We were so in-sync I felt for the first time peace that we would make it.

He was married and he had kids.

But we were right together.

We belonged together.

We slept together two more times and when we finally fell asleep I was happier than I ever had been. I felt content, safe.

When I woke up the next morning I was still in his arms. Even lying together in bed we did in-sync. As if his arms had been made to hold me. As if the spot between his neck and shoulder had been designed for me to nestle my head.

He didn't stay for long. Despite his own objections he decided to skip breakfast. He was going to go and talk with Kathy today and then he'd come back to me. We would go back to work tomorrow and face Cragen. Depending on his mood and our case load we would tell him about our relationship.

At the door Elliot smiled at me, reaching for my hand.

"We've been here before." He realized with a small smile.

"Go." I said with a grin of my own. At some point we would both have to make it past the threshold of my apartment and return to the real world.

"I'll be back before you know it." He promised and I knew he would keep this promise. He leaned down to kiss me and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in deeper.

The kiss was longer than we'd both intended and I was the one to pull away, knowing full well that if I didn't stop it now, I wouldn't be able to let him go.

"Go." I sighed.

He kissed my forehead gently and opened the door.

And then he left.

There was a silence in the living room, only disturbed by the crackling of the near by fire. Olivia stared into the flames thoughtfully.

She remembered that morning so well. Had played and replayed it so many times in her mind. If only she hadn't broken the kiss...

"I shouldn't have let him go." She whispered now, her voice hoarse. "I should have asked him to stay."

Dr. Huang was looking at the woman he had been working with for the last nine years. The shell of a woman really. This hollowed out, tear-stained and broken woman.

"If I may wager a guess..." He began softly, sitting down on his own coffee table opposite the couch so he could look at her. It hurt him to see her like this, hurt him to know that she had been betrayed so gravely. The FBI agent took a deep breath and then exclaimed: "Elliot didn't return, did he?"

One single tear ran down Olivia's cheek. The moment of Elliot's return was one of the most painful memories she had.

"Oh he came back." She said and looked up at her colleagues worried face. "But before he did there was another knock on my door." She dropped her gaze. "It was Kathy Stabler." Although she didn't really have to she explained:

"His wife."

Hi everyone! I hope you have a great Monday! Thank you so much for your feedback it really truly brightens up the worst day of the week for me. Also, the Kurt Moss Quote is actually from Olivia in "Internal Affairs" (15x04).