Harry Potter Morgendorffer Part Nine
Daria is the creation of Glenn Eichler and is the property of MTV Viacom. Harry Potter is the creation of JK Rowling and is the property of JK Rowling and Warner Brothers, as are its characters and situations. I don't own them, and neither expect nor deserve financial compensation for this story. I am writing for my own amusement and for ego gratification.
What if Minerva McGonagall had been able to persuade Professor McGonagall to place baby Harry Potter with different blood relatives instead of with Petunia Dursley and her husband: the Morgendorffers from MTV's Daria?
Rated "T" for language.
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An instant later, Helen watched in amazement as an old man dressed in what was clearly a wizard's costume and a blond-haired woman appeared in the Morgendorffers' back yard. It must have been a rough ride. The woman bent over and threw up on the Morgendorffers' scraggly lawn.
It was still light outside. Once the woman stood up, Helen could see that she had a horsey face and a long neck. Helen wondered how in the hell this Dursley woman could be related to the Barksdales.
Helen thought that this niece would be auburn-haired like she was, but for some reason the Petunia's hair was blonde. She frowned; she could see that the woman's hair was dyed.
"How do you do? I'm Helen Morgendorffer," said Helen. The woman rising from her lawn was definitely off-balance. There was a time when Helen-the-Hippie might have given a open-handed, sympathetic reception right then and there; Lawyer Helen, on the other, was the sort of woman who'd readily take advantage of this newcomer's disorientation. She'd play hard ball, she decided. "I'm your great-aunt."
Petunia Dursley got up from the grass and looked at the woman who was talking to her. She was surprised at the American woman's appearance. If she didn't look like Lily, she definitely looked like some sort of cousin. Her face was rounder, she was a bit more broad-shouldered, her eyes were brown instead of green, but she had the same pale skin and auburn hair that Lily did. Petunia shot Professor Dumbledore an evil look, then looked at this Texas woman.
"Petunia Dursley," she said shortly. "I gather, then, that we're in Texas." she said.
"We are," said Helen. "This is Austin, the state capital."
Petunia didn't know what to think. She'd expected cowboys, tumbleweeds, long-horned cows, men strolling around wearing Stetson hats, not a block of houses that looked more like a suburban version of Cokeworth than a proper new town like Little Whinging.
Mrs. Morgendorffer (Petunia couldn't bring herself to call this woman her aunt) invited her into her house to clean up and to discuss legal matters. Even before she entered the hall bathroom, Petunia decided that Helen Morgendorffer and her husband were slovenly housekeepers. Their house was filthy by her standards and badly needed a thorough scrubbing from floor to ceiling.
The house felt crowded. Not only were Professor Dumbledore and Helen Morgendorffer present, but also Professor McGonagall, one Della Braden, who Petunia had never met, a dark haired baby boy who Petunia was certain was James Potter's brat Harry, and an auburn-haired baby girl Mr. Morgendorffer introduced as his daughter Daria. In addition, there was also a Mrs. Powter from the American magical government and a Mr. Sanchez, also from the American magical government.
Despite the presence of so many strangers, Mrs. Morgendorffer attempted to make introductions and small talk. In the process, Petunia discovered that this Jacob Morgendorffer was a nutter and worse, a Jew.
Petunia had some questions of her own. She was relieved to learn that both Morgendorffers were gainfully employed, although she wondered what sort of use a woman would be in a law office. They might be downwardly-mobile, but they wouldn't be leeches like James Potter.
She was curious about her new purported grandfather. "Is this Allen Barksdale still living?" asked Petunia.
"Father died a bit over six years ago," said Helen. "A stroke."
"Minerva told me about Uncle Jasper," she said. "I'm sorry I never met him. He sounded like a good man."
Petunia couldn't imagine how an upstart Yankee bitch could find kind things to say about a man she'd never met. "He was," she said shortly.
"Do you want coffee or something to drink?" said Helen. "I do have coffee, water, juice, and soda. We also have beer in the fridge."
Most of the Americans demurred; they were either driving or apparating away afterwards.
Petunia did choose water, which Helen brought in from the kitchen. Petunia examined the glass sourly; there were soap rings. She drank from it anyway.
"I suggest we all start reading the paperwork before we get down to business," said Helen.
"Professor Dumbledore, I presume you've brought paperwork?"
"I do," said Professor Dumbledore.
Professor Dumbledore pulled out signed and witnessed documents that expressed Lily and James Potters' wishes concerning custody if they should predecease Baby Harry. One of the first things Helen noted was that the Potters were adamant that neither Petunia nor Vernon Dursley should be granted custody of the baby.
Helen glanced at her niece and wondered how that tidbit had gone down. Judging from Petunia's face it didn't seem to settle her temper any.
Petunia found other things in the document to annoy her. "There's a stipend?" Petunia asked greedily, frowning at Dumbledore. "Why the Devil didn't you tell me?"
"I assumed that you knew," Professor Dumbledore said blandly. "Lily was your sister, after all, and I'd assumed that like most sisters, you'd remained close."
Petunia shot Professor Dumbledore a poisonous look that made Helen raise her eyebrows. After that exchanged, she was now convinced that the sisters had been at loggerheads, at least since Lily's marriage to James Potter, and probably before them.
"You damn wizards and your freakish ways!" she began.
Helen gave Petunia Dursley a stern look. "Would you please calm down?" she said.
"Why should I!" said Petunia. "You're all freaks! You," she said, pointing at Dumbledore, "You!" she said, pointing at McGonagall, "my sister, her husband!" she continued. "You," pointing at Braden and the two MACUSA officials. "And you," she said, turning on Helen and Jake, "You're both nutters and dealing with freaks!"
Helen was first surprised and then appalled at Petunia's outburst. They weren't the only ones who were upset; Baby Harry started to cry, which set Della and Helen racing to pick up Baby Harry while Jake ran over to check on Baby Daria. Helen and Jake caught each other's eye and realized that they'd both made the same decision: there was no way they were going to let that Dursley woman gain custody of little Harry. They'd follow the adoption process through to the end.
Petunia stalked angrily out the front door and slammed it behind her. Helen was seething, but told herself that she was a professional and she wouldn't speak again until she'd regained control of her temper. Professor Dumbledore walked to the door, opened it, and saw Petunia reach the edge of the Morgendorffers' driveway and turn right onto the street.
"Let her go," said Mr. Sanchez. "She needs to blow off steam. Also, she's going to wise up and realize that she really is in Texas."
Mr. Sanchez looked at Professor Dumbledore. "The woman didn't change money or bring her passport when you brought her over from England, did she?"
"No," said Professor Dumbledore. "We came over directly from her house in Surrey."
"Oh, my," said Mr. Sanchez.