Title: Are You Ready?
Chapter: 52 – Sharing
Author: Killaurey
Rating: T
Word Count: 5,147
Summary: AU. Sakura gives up on Kakashi as a teacher after Team 7 falls apart. Too bad fate, enemy ninja, and sheer bad luck have other plans.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. It's Kishimoto's and I just play with it. Part 52 of ? Unbeta'd.
Sakura takes a deep breath.
Then, when the shivery feeling inside of her doesn't subside, she takes another, and goes back to setting up the blankets and cushions she's brought from Tenten's house out into the backyard.
Sakura would've rathered a training ground but, with her status of currently being on medical leave, she's not supposed to be 'training' and, well, if someone misunderstood then it could go badly. Not for her, but for Hatake-sensei.
And I don't want to cause any problems for him.
Especially not when she's already been such a headache. He hasn't said anything and she appreciates all he's done for her but, at the same time, Sakura knows she's so far in his debt that-
No, she reminds herself. Hatake-sensei is my sensei. This is what sensei are supposed to do. Remember? It's why Yamanaka-san was so angry about Kakashi-sensei and Asuma-sensei. They weren't doing their jobs right. Hatake-sensei is, though, so I just have to get used to it.
But it's hard. It would be harder if she hadn't overheard Yamanaka-san talking to Tenten's mother about the sensei situation.
By the time she's got everything set up, Sakura is glad she hadn't gone to a training ground. Her limbs feel like jelly as she takes a seat on one of her blankets and takes a deep breath, hating her weakness, knowing it will pass.
And I came out here early enough that there's time to recover. I know I don't have to put on a sense of artificial health with the girls but...
But she doesn't want to be weak either. Or seen as weak.
And I'm already taking my courage in both my hands and forging onwards.
Inner has had no smart comments about it, not even half-remembered things from around the edges of her dreams, which seems to be the easiest way for Inner to talk to her, now that she's been weaned off of the drugs they had her on and is down to just a few, normal painkillers.
It's nice to have a clearer head but I kind of miss having Inner right... where I could hear her. She's the worst.
But, worst or not, Sakura finds her obscurely comforting. She might be the amalgamation of all the things Sakura hates the most about herself but she's still-
I can still see me in her and I don't hate all of me.
"You okay there?" Tenten asks.
Sakura blinks and finds herself staring into Tenten's brown eyes. She yelps, recoiling, and Tenten straightens up, looking over her shoulder.
"She's fine!" Tenten calls.
"Good!" Ino says. "Hinata, can you-"
"I've got it," Hinata says, and Sakura rolls over to watch Hinata grab the door for Ino, as Ino is carrying a tray with a tea service on it.
"I've got the snacks," Tenten says, waggling a basket in front of her. "We saw your set up and went 'picnic, yes!' and maybe went a bit overboard."
Sakura laughs, sitting up. "I was going to go and grab snacks."
"You were too busy slacking," Ino says brightly as she and Hinata reach the edge of the blankets. "For shame. Shaaame."
"I refuse to feel shame," Sakura says loftily. "Especially not about picnic meetings. And those are my snacks, the ones I prepared. So there."
"We didn't mind bringing them out," Hinata says mildly. "How are you feeling, Sakura?"
"I'm okay," she assures them. "I'm at that horribly awkward spot were I feel great and then I try to do something without thinking and my body goes 'yeah, no, you are not actually great' and I have to go sit down."
Tenten lightly bops her on the head with the snack basket. "That's what happened with the blankets, right? You got them all set up and then went all wobbly?"
Between Ino and Hinata, they get the tea tray on the blankets without spilling any of it. Tenten folds herself down, still holding the basket, even as Ino grabs one of the cushions and settles herself on it.
I have no idea what I'm doing. I wish I could talk to Ino about this first but she can't hear me. I wonder if they're even ghosts at all. Because she can see others, now, there's on in the window. Another watching over the fence. Maybe these memories are all the home they've got left. The only place they can still go.
"Yes," Sakura admits, since 'went all wobbly' is somehow easier to concede to than 'my legs were going to give out'. One makes her want to swallow herself entire, the other... mostly makes her grin a little. "I'm feeling better, though, and talking's easy. I can talk."
"She never shuts up," Ino says, wide-eyed with innocence. "Hatake-sensei despairs of her."
"I have popcorn somewhere around here and I will throw it at you," Sakura threatens, which makes all of them, herself included laugh.
"I'll just catch it with my mouth," Ino says. "What's the plan for this meeting, Forehead? You were super sparse on the details."
Sakura shifts, a little uneasily, knowing that she's going to tell them but also-
Why does Ino always have to put me on the spot like that?
She pretends as if Ino doing so isn't useful most of the time. Sakura thinks too much while Ino does all her thinking while she's in motion and it's-it's something she wishes she could emulate.
"I need your help," Sakura says, gathering her courage. "And I probably need to take this to Hatake-sensei, but I wanted to talk to you all first. It's not... I'm sorry this isn't a teaching meeting, but..."
Ino is frowning at her.
Sakura pretends she doesn't notice it because, well, Ino's always been good at putting blame where it belongs but Sakura's own guilt at not telling Ino first is a potent thing.
"It's fine," Tenten says, playing idly with a senbon.
"Yes," Hinata murmurs. "After all, helping one another is learning to grow together too. Your having a problem and bringing it to us to solve fits the parameters as I understand them for this meeting."
"What she said," Tenten says.
"It's cool with me," Ino agrees. "Though, like, less of a song and dance the next time, okay, Forehead?"
Sakura refuses to get teary eyed about any of this. Refuses. They're all jerks and stupid and she loves them rather a whole lot and it's super unfair.
"So, like, what is it?" Ino asks, leaning over and reaching for a stick of pocky. She uses it as a pointer to aim right at Sakura. "Or is it an after snacks sort of thing?"
"But no pressure," Tenten murmurs and Hinata laughs.
Sakura throws a hard candy at Tenten, but she's grateful for the distraction because now, now she doesn't feel like crying. Mostly, she feels like...
Like I want to get through this, go further into uncertainty, she realizes. I don't know what they'll say about any of this but I know they'll listen and hear me out. That's... that's enough.
It's enough for her to be willing to step off the path and into the metaphorical dark.
"I think it's an around snacks thing," Sakura says. "We can eat snacks and talk about it and don't think I don't see the way you're eyeing those puddings, Pig."
"They're my favourite," Ino retorts. "You totally bought them for me, Forehead, don't even."
"I did not," Sakura says.
She totally had.
Ino sticks her tongue out at her.
"I think I'm seeing ghosts," Sakura blurts out, and Ino's smile freezes for one awful moment while Tenten and Hinata go abruptly silent.
Please, please don't let this go wrong, she thinks because, confidence or not, she's still allowed to be nervous.
"Okay," Ino says, tilting her head a little, her eyes going half-lidded. "Ghosts. That's new from-?"
"The hospital, I think," Sakura says. "Or, well, I guess the injuries that landed me in the hospital in the first place."
"Huh," Tenten says. "Weird. How do you know they're ghosts? Are they like they're supposed to be in legends? No feet, white clothes... that sort of thing?"
"No," Sakura admits. "But that's kind of why I need the help. I can't tell who is dead and who... isn't."
"Then how do you know you're seeing the dead in the first place?" Ino asks curiously.
"I talk to them," Sakura says. "And, I've had a few conversations with them about how they died."
She tells them about Mitsutada-san, and how Tenten's mother had thought she was talking about her friend, but Sakura had been talking to a woman long gone and dead, devoured by life, chewed up and done with but still not gone.
"I believe her, too," Sakura says, "because I asked Tenten's mom about the Mitsutada family and what they were like when they were kids."
"I remember that," Tenten says. "It was a bit weird, you asking about it, but Mom was thrilled to talk about her friends. She's told me I ought to take a page from your book and follow your example. Thanks for that."
"You're welcome," Sakura says sarcastically, and they laugh. "Um, yeah, so that's the issue, really. I don't know how I'm seeing them but, importantly, I can't-I can't tell them apart. To me, they look just like normal people, going about and doing their normal every day lives."
"No signs of what killed them?" Hinata asks. "I-Isn't that something that stories say ghosts have too? Sometimes?"
"I don't like ghost stories," Sakura admits. "I have no idea."
"She's scared of them," Ino says in a sing-song sort of voice. "They used to make her cry."
Sakura flushes. "Well," she says, "I don't cry over them anymore."
Ino shrugs a little. "But the antipathy towards them stayed," she says. "So it's really weird that you can see them now, and even weirder that you can't tell if they're alive or dead."
"You're first generation, right?" Tenten asks.
Sakura nods. "What... what does that have to do with it?" Sakura asks, when Ino tilts her head to the side, eating a piece of pocky.
Hinata shifts slightly, the weak sunlight making her look paler than usual. Almost as washed out as a ghost.
Oh, bad thought, stop that, Sakura thinks. Hinata is definitely alive. You know that.
"It means that... that whatever this is," Hinata says quietly, "it is unlikely to be an emergent bloodline talent or limit. It's rare enough for them to show up in families that have been ninja for generations, but unheard of for it to just... happen. It has to do with the control of chakra through the system. Over generations, that changes the genetic make up of a family enough that talents start showing up in the blood."
"Oh," Sakura says, startled. "Okay, that makes sense as a question, then."
But it was a gift, to me, and I wish Ino could read my mind right now.
Ino's expression is hard to read, set somewhere between curious and intrigued, but Sakura wonders if Ino misses being able to read minds too.
I wonder if I should just tell them it was a gift? That... that a dead man gave it to me...
Sakura thinks about that as they snack, for the moment the conversation turning to lighter matters as they all consider the whole ghost thing.
"What... what if it was a gift?" Sakura offers. "Can things like that be given?"
Tenten shrugs. "I don't know," she says, "but it sounds like a good story, doesn't it? That sort of thing?"
"I'd like it better if it wasn't my story," Sakura gripes.
"No, you wouldn't," Ino says. "Because then it'd be a ghost story and we've covered your feelings on those. I've never heard of someone being able to gift a bloodline talent. Hinata, have you?"
"Not off the top of my mind," Hinata admits. "But... but that doesn't mean it cannot happen. There's always bloodlines we haven't heard of. Did someone give you a gift recently, Sakura? A present of some sort?"
"Lots of people," Sakura says honestly.
There's a silence and then Ino cackles.
"I mean," she says, "she's not wrong. When you're in the hospital, there's usually a lot of well wishes, isn't there?"
Tenten smacks her palm to her forehead. "And here I was, trying to figure out why people were giving her so many presents. I'm an idiot."
Hinata places one hand on Tenten's arm, but looks at Sakura. "Is there any gift from there that stands out?" she asks. "Anything out of the ordinary?"
Sakura thinks about it. It's awkward, when she knows exactly where the gift came from, but also doesn't want to bring up Hatake-sensei's dead father to people who aren't on the team first.
Hatake-sensei does deserve to hear it. I just wish I knew if he'd believe it.
"Not really," Sakura says slowly. "I had a few old people at the hospital tell me my youth and ability to heal was a gift. Some of them patted me on the head."
Which had been an exercise in humiliation and restraint in not saying anything other than thank you but, like, it was true. It had happened.
"Maybe touch transferred it?" Hinata wonders. "If the ability was tied to the word 'gift', then..."
"It's possible," Ino says dubiously. She's eyeing Sakura sharply. "I don't know how much I like the thought though. It doesn't seem likely."
Sakura tries not to squirm.
"Still, I mean, do we believe that's what happened?" Tenten asks. "That Sakura's seeing ghosts even though dead people are supposed to just... you carve their names down, so you don't forget, but then you let time destroy what was left of them. Ghosts kind of, you know, throw that whole idea out."
"I'm not sure it does," Sakura says. "Throw it out, I mean. Mitsutada-san wanted to see her family continue on. She now gets to. But not everyone is a ghost. Otherwise there'd be far, far too many. So wouldn't it make sense that most people go on to whatever's after this life and only some stick around?"
"Watching over your family, though, that's a generic sort of wish," Ino says slowly.
"Ino!" Tenten says, laughing. "You can't call peoples' nearest and dearest wishes generic."
"I never said they're bad wishes," Ino says. "Just that they're common ones. I'm not wrong about that, either, so if all it took to stick around for all eternity was wanting to see your family line keep going on, then there would be an awful lot of ghosts. That's what I meant!"
"I... I agree with Ino," Hinata says quietly. "Not that it's a bad wish, because it's not, but it's a very common one. It would be like wishing to be lucky in love or money. Many people wish for these things. They're not bad, they're just common."
Sakura bites her lower lip, not sure how the conversation took this turn and not sure how to get it back to where she wants it to go.
"Can we try and figure that out later?" Sakura asks plaintively. "I don't know how I got it or how ghosts even work, but right now, my problem is that I can't tell the differences between alive and dead people."
"It would be easier if you were making it up," Ino says.
"If you say this can't exist, then I guess I'm a liar," Sakura says.
"No, no," Ino says, waving that off. "I'm not saying it's not real, I'm just saying that if it wasn't true, this would be simpler. But since it is, and you would never make up a story about you getting weird ghost powers, then obviously you're not lying and your tongue isn't steeped in ghost mythology."
Sakura shudders.
"Precisely!" Ino grins.
"Okay," Tenten says, then frowns. "Are there any ghosts around right now?"
Sakura glances around. "Yuusuke-kun is reading a book on your back steps. His family used to own this house, so he comes by pretty frequently. I thought he was a cousin at first. He looks a lot like your oldest brother."
Tenten looks where Sakura is pointing and, even as Yuusuke-kun waves, she shrugs.
"I can't see anything," Tenten admits. "Does he really look like family, though?"
"A lot like family," Sakura confirms.
"Huh," Tenten says. "I wonder if he is. I can't see him."
"Neither can I," Ino admits. "Hinata?"
Hinata frowns a little, then activates her bloodline limit, the veins around her eyes bulging as she studies the area before she deactivates it.
"No," she says. "I could not see anything either."
"But you can just walk up and talk to him and he doesn't look like anything but a normal person?" Tenten asks.
"That's right," Sakura says. "He's kind of rude, actually, but not in a crazy way, more in a 'leave me alone' sort of way. Seems to like to do his own thing, mostly, so I have no idea how or when he died or anything like that. Just that he's confirmed that, yes, he's dead, he's aware of it, and that once upon a time this used to be where he lived."
All of them are quiet at that, nibbling on snacks and stealing glances at the back steps where a boy only one of them can see is reading. He offers Sakura a sarcastic kind of wave.
She pretends she doesn't notice it.
The silence is worse, somehow, than the questions, because at least with the questions, she'd known where things stood. The silence now feels like she's cracking apart while waiting for the earthquakes to start.
Don't be stupid, she scolds herself. They said they believe you. The important thing is already that. Everything else is just... is just them trying to decide what to do about it. You took several days to think about it too. You can't deny them a few minutes.
Because it is weird and she knows that. She wishes it could be a bloodline limit or something but, well, she knows exactly where it came from.
Though it would be pretty cool if it became a bloodline thing, when I eventually have kids. I wonder if it'll carry on to them?
But that's just a passing thought, not one she can dwell on now, not when she's so young and so incredibly not going to have kids any time soon.
I'll revisit that in, like, ten years or something. When I'm married. If I'm married.
Which, well, she has no idea if that will be the case either, though she hopes so. She's always wanted a family and it's becoming obvious that she's going to have to build her own, though hope about parents, like a blade, remains sharp for a long time.
"I think," Ino says, "that we're going to have to go somewhere more populated than this. This is a great place to talk but a terrible place to test this out. We need people to watch."
"Oh!" Hinata says. "Yes, that would-that would help us greatly."
"There's a street market festival tonight," Tenten says. "We could easily find a roof to sit on and compare notes about the people. Or maybe a club of some sort would be easier? Where there's a set number of people meant to be in the place?"
"While coming here," Hinata says, "I saw an advertisement for a hanafuda tournament that's taking place this weekend. It would not be as fast as the festival or as soon, but it would have a population that's easier to control."
"Why not both?" Ino says. "Get a wider range of situations and also see if different times of day and lighting impact if Sakura can tell if they're alive or dead."
Fear prickles down her spine and Sakura tries to pretend that it's not. Ghost stories just-ugh. Why of all things, them? And why does the fear have to follow it in even though every ghost she's met so far has been, if not nice, then nice enough and more concerned with their own lives than hers.
"I can do both," Tenten says.
"I believe that I can as well," Hinata agrees. "T-Though I may be late, to the festival. Meals... are not fast affairs, at home."
"We can save you a seat," Ino says easily. "Well, what do you think, Forehead? You game for this?"
"Do we really think it'll help out at all?" Sakura asks.
"No idea," Ino says. "But, if it doesn't, then that just means we've learned something else too, right? The harder a challenge, the more we've got to rise to meet it."
"You said you haven't mentioned this to Hatake-sensei?" Tenten asks curiously.
Sakura picks at her thumbnail, studying it intently. "No," she admits. "Not yet. I wanted to talk it over with you guys first, rather than running to him. He's already done so much for me. I wanted... I hoped... I could figure this out myself. But..."
For the first time, Tenten and Hinata exchange looks that are uneasy.
I wonder-oh. I bet they don't like that I've kept this from my sensei. Hinata's sensei and her are close, aren't they? And Gai-sensei seemed very... enthusiastic about his team.
"Well, so long as we tell him after the experiment," Ino says, "I don't see why we can't hold off. If it's a thing from the hospital, maybe it'll fade away as you get better."
Sakura, on the verge of saying that, no, it's the opposite, it's getting stronger, stops abruptly, realizing that both Hinata and Tenten look reassured, now that Ino's weighed in with her opinion.
"I can't tell if it's faded or not," Sakura says, choosing to obfuscate rather than elaborate for the moment. "I was pretty out of it at the hospital, for a lot of the time, so if it was stronger there, I'd have just thought it was the drugs."
Tenten laughs and, thankfully, they move past the moment without anyone suggesting that, no, she really should tell her sensei first, before they experiment with it.
They discuss a few other things but, really, until the festival that night, there's nothing else for them to do, so they finish their snacks and separate, promising to meet up on a rooftop in the center of where the festival is happening.
Tenten leaves with Hinata, the two of them talking quietly.
Sakura tries not to be self-conscious about the fact they're probably talking about her and how that makes her feel like her heart's been embalmed or something.
"Do you think they'll tell anyone?" she asks Ino, who'd stuck around and is helping her gather the pillows and blankets up.
Ino weighs this question carefully before she answers.
Somehow, that very caution both concerns and soothes Sakura's nerves.
"I don't think they'll tell anyone today," she says. "It'll depend on what the results of tonight are and if we can pretend that it's getting weaker or fading."
"It's not, though," Sakura says. "It's getting stronger. I don't think it was really there, in the hospital."
"Where did you get it from?" Ino asks.
Sakura looks at her.
Ino looks back, her blue eyes intent and watchful.
For some strange reason, Sakura feels inappropriate laughter well up inside of her. She tries not to let it out, taking a deep breath and looking away. Folding a blanket into quarters.
"If I say, if I say I got it when I died on the estate, would you believe me?" she says, her voice hushed.
She does not want this to carry.
Ino frowns.
"You were given a fabulous present while you were dead?"
Sakura's laughter is startled and also vaguely guilty. She hadn't thought to put it quite that way.
"Yes," Sakura says, hesitating a moment before deciding to get it over with, at least with Ino. "I met Hatake-sensei's dad, while I was dead."
Ino stares at her.
"I know it sounds crazy," Sakura says. "Ino, I-"
"Would you give me a moment to think?!" Ino demands. "Stop talking!"
Oh.
Whoops.
Sakura shuts up, face flushing. She concentrates on just getting the last of the pillows gathered and, with a glance at Ino, who is glaring at the tray that had held their snacks, Sakura carries the pillows into Tenten's home so they can be put away.
The back of her neck prickles the entire time, her eyes too, because she's not sure if Ino's going to be there, when she gets back.
Ino didn't say she'd leave, though, Sakura remind herself sharply. She just asked for a moment to think.
All the same, though, she feels pathetically grateful for Ino actually being there, when she gets back.
"I think," Ino says, her back to Sakura and the door, "that we need to talk to Hatake-sensei."
"I know," Sakura says, rather miserably. "But I don't know how to tell him that I met his dead dad, who gave me the present of seeing ghosts."
Ino laughs. "No, I get that," she says, "but he needs to know. That's something a sensei absolutely needs to know, Sakura. It's going to have to be treated like a bloodline emergence because we don't know if it's permanent or not, but he's going to need to know where it really came from. Maybe he'll know how you got it."
"Oh, you think he might?" Sakura asks anxiously. "But I-I, well, isn't it weird to have to bring up the whole 'I talked to your dead dad while we were on a mission thing'? It's so awkward... what if it upsets him?"
Ino considers that.
"Then it upsets him," she says, finally. "But he's your sensei and he needs to know. Especially because it came from his family and his old home. And I know that Tenten and Hinata would rather you tell him too. It's a pretty big secret, to keep something like that from your sensei."
Sakura bites her lower lip. "Do we have to tell him today? Can... can it be tomorrow, during lessons?"
She knows, she does, that she has just as much veto power as Ino does about any of this, possibly more.
Sakura also knows that if Ino goes ahead and makes up her mind to do something that all the protesting in the world isn't going to mean Sakura can stop Ino from doing what she wants to do anyway.
I've never been able to stop Ino, even when I wasn't slowed down by a healing heart, she thinks, a bit ruefully.
"Please?" she says, because Ino hasn't answered her. "I want to at least see if we can spot anything different about the living and the dead tonight. Can we do that first? If we tell Hatake-sensei, he's going to insist on coming along, or he's going to want to talk about it and then we'll miss this chance."
Ino does not point out that they could surely, surely find another festival happening. Or some other sort of event. Konoha's a big village and there's plenty to do.
"Alright," Ino says abruptly. "We can still do tonight's testing, but you have to tell the others that we're speaking with Hatake-sensei in the morning, okay?"
Sakura grimaces. "That makes me feel like I'm a baby, having people keep tabs on me like that."
"It's the only way to keep them from saying anything to their teams or families," Ino points out. "By saying that, oh, by the way, we're going to speak with Hatake-sensei in the morning, they'll relax some."
"I feel like that shouldn't make sense," Sakura says, frowning. "At the same time, though, I see where it would make sense. It's just not settling right with me."
"You're weird," Ino says companionably. "Come on, bring your pillows, and we'll go inside. We can debate merits just as well while hanging out in your room as we can out here."
Sakura sighs. "You really think I should tell-Hatake-sensei, and also tell Tenten and Hinata that I'm doing so?"
It still feels a bit like she's being babysat, which probably doesn't help make it sit easier with her. Sakura is acutely aware of the fact that she cannot be a child, since her parents won't allow her to act as one.
"Yes," Ino says. "Besides, if you don't promise me you're going to do just that, I'll abandon you right now and go find Hatake-sensei myself."
"Ino!"
"Sakura!" Ino says back. "I know, I know, it's not the sort of thing I'd usually do, running to a teacher that way, but this isn't a secret about where you slept or what you ate for breakfast, this is about something that will impact your ability in the field. He needs to know! How are you going to stand on a battlefield as an effective solider when you can't tell the living from the dead?"
"I...," Sakura trails off, frowning. "That's a good, ugly, and unfair point to bring up. I hadn't thought of that."
"You can take credit for it, with Hatake-sensei, if you want," Ino says. "I'm not trying to get you into trouble, Forehead, I just want you to think about the consequences of not talking about things."
Sakura supposes that, in a strange way, this is one of those powerful lessons she's supposed to learn the further away from the old Team Seven that she gets. Part of her will always be marked by it.
But I don't have to remain nothing but the charred ashes of that fire, she realizes. And that's why Ino's pushing so hard for me to spill my guts. This is supposed to be a new me, and I need to learn to lean on my team the way I couldn't before.
She pictures trying to tell Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi-sensei she can see ghosts and mentally shudders away from how that conversation would go.
"Alright," Sakura says. "Cross my heart. I'll tell Hatake-sensei tomorrow during training, and I'll tell the girls that I'm going to do so when we're at the festival tonight."
She hesitates.
"But?" Ino prompts.
"Isn't it kind of open around here, though, for a talk like that with our sensei?"
Ino considers that. "I bet I could get him to let us use a training ground tomorrow."
"Even me?"
"No, I thought I'd leave you behind," Ino says. "Of course, even you! You're almost ready to go back to proper training, aren't you? Walking to a training field shouldn't be an issue."
Sakura laughs. "I guess not. I've just... with everything..."
"Yeah, that's fair," Ino says. "Come on, we'll get everything put away and then I'll go see Hatake-sensei about a training field for tomorrow."