Author's disclaimer: Daria is the creation of Glenn Eichler and is the property of MTV Viacom. Harry Potter is the creation of JK Rowling and is the property of JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. I own neither, and neither expect nor deserve financial compensation for this story. I am writing for my own amusement and for ego gratification.
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Harry Potter Morgendorffer*Harry Potter Morgendorffer*Harry Potter Morgendorffer
Harry Potter Morgendorffer Staying In Touch
The phone rang early one evening in mid-March. Daria picked it up, thinking that it was probably for Mom or Dad and work-related. It wasn't. Instead it was some lady Daria didn't remember talking to. She sounded British.
"Morgendorffer residence," said Daria.
"Could I speak to Helen Morgendorffer, please?" said the voice.
"Can I ask who's calling?" said Daria. She wasn't about to waste her Mom's time on junk phone calls.
"This is Petunia Dursley. I'm her cousin," said the woman on the other end of the phone.
"This is her daughter Daria," said Daria. "I'll go get her."
"Ah, Daria, we've met. I remember you being such a lovely baby," said the woman on the other end of the phone. "And how are you doing these days?" Daria then remembered that she did have a cousin Petunia. She knew that Cousin Petunia had come over to Texas once, but didn't remember much about her visit. She also didn't like being reminded about how cute she was as a baby. She was seven years old, darn it.
"Pretty well," said Daria. There was something about her tone of voice that irritated her. It wasn't just this Petunia woman's condescension.
She went into the living room and to tell her Mom that she had a phone call. "Mom, there's a lady on the phone that says she's Aunt Petunia and that she wants to talk to you," said Daria.
Her Mom rose from the couch where she'd been reading some legal documents and walked to the wall phone. She told herself that she was going to get one of those cordless phones when they came on the market.
"Helloooo," she said. "This is Helen Morgendorffer. Can I ask who's calling please?"
"Ah, Petunia. And how are you?" said Helen.
"Well, I wasn't sure it was you. We don't speak very often."
"How is Vernon and your little boy?"
"I'm glad to hear that your checkup went well. Any problems?"
Good, good," she said.
"So the doctor wants to know about any inheritable medical conditions on my side of the family? Let me think." Helen paused for a moment. "Nothing major like diabetes, although Father died early from a stroke."
"Petunia, this is not a competition. We're sharing medical information."
"Petunia, I don't believe that either of my daughters are witches. I'm sure that if Daria was magical like HJ, she would come forward and tell me. Besides, you're not, I'm not, Rita's not, and I don't think Amy is either."
"Now is this phone call about witchcraft or about inherited diseases?"
Jake looked up from his paper at his wife. He recognized Helen's tone of voice. It was a tone he'd heard Helen use not long before she and her sister Rita started fighting over the phone. Daria also recognized her Mom's tone of voice and wondered if she was going to get mad.
"Good, let's return to the original topic," said Helen. "To answer your question, the only inheritable medical condition I know of from my father's side of the family is a tendency towards hyper-tension and the risk of heart attacks or strokes when they reach middle age. The risks can be reduced through diet, exercise, and by weight reduction."
"My family does exercise. HJ and the girls take PE in school, Jake golfs, and I've started power-walking," said Helen.
"HJ's in Little League," she added.
"That's for baseball," said Helen. "It's a sport that's popular here in the US, a lot of the western hemisphere, and in Japan."
"I don't have just one daughter, I have two daughters now," said Helen. "Quinn was born four years ago."
"Well, I can't tell you what your family's risks are because we've never seen pictures of your family," said Helen. "You looked healthy enough the one time I saw you, but I can't tell you anything about Vernon's health background, and I haven't a clue as to what little Dudley looks like."
"On the contrary," said Helen. "I've helped you as best I can with the information I have available. You and your doctor will have to make do with the information I've just given you."
"Is that all?" said Helen.
"Well, it was a pleasure talking to you, too," said Helen in the voice Daria knew her Mom used for people she didn't like.
"Goodbye," said Helen, and hung up. She sat down and resumed reading her documents. She thought of Amy's quip about some of the less-pleasant relatives they'd met at family re-unions. "Distant cousins," said Amy. "The more distant they are, the better I like it."