(Bonus points to anyone who gets the Janitor Jim reference )
"Driver ants don't have venom like some ants, BUT they like to travel in large groups called swarms. It can be very dangerous if you don't get out of their way fast enough. They've been known to eat animals and even people!" "Where did you learn that?!" "From Janitor Jim! He always lets me go in the back room of the Creepy Crawlies exhibit at the Natural History Museum. That's where they keep the live specimen! But we're not supposed to tell Dad or Grandma. He thinks they'd be mad, for some reason." Jesus Christ…. Rolling my eyes off to the side, I grit my teeth together tightly. "I'm gonna have to have a word with Janitor Jim…." Was muttered under my annoyed breath. Sasha didn't hear; he'd been merrily waltzing beside me, holding onto my hand and wearing a massive grin on his face. His small head tilted up my way again as he looked at me with wide, wonderful eyes.
"So where're we going? Are we going to see Auntie Daphne again? Gasp! Is Dad with her?! Maybe Dad's with her! We should go see Auntie Daphne!" Inhaling deeply for the trillionth time, I kindly returned my son's glance, smiling- albeit less confidently- at him. "As a matter of fact, we are going to see your Aunt Daphne… a-and the rest of the family." Oh man, how his precious eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, evidently thrilled at the news. "The family?! You mean Dad too?!" "Yes….. Uh sweetie, now I want you to remember that this is all new to your daddy too. He might be…. a bit overwhelmed. N-Now that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you! It just means… Well fatherhood is a big responsibility, and he might need some time to get adjusted. Just please be patient with him, ok?" "Oh, don't worry, Mom. I'll be patient. So long as he likes you, it'll be ok!" Sasha happily proclaimed and I silently hissed through my clenched teeth, gazing off to the side nervously.
Making our way down a path along Hyde Park, I seized an opportunity when we passed by a pond. Pointing with my forefinger I did my best to sound excited. "Look, Sasha! Ducks!" Seeing the fowl, his reaction was what I had intended. Quickly releasing my hand, he darted towards the unsuspecting birds. "Duckie! Here duckie, duckie, duckie!" Meanwhile, my own hands flew as fast as they could, routing around in my backpack to find my phone, right beside Sasha's kid-sized Jurassic Park water bottle. Then I pressed on a number I never imagined myself calling. Holding my breath for a moment, it came ringing up to my ear.
"Hello?" "Hey, it's me." "How'd you get this number?!" "Your sister gave it to me. Look, Sasha and I are on our way now, so I'll have to keep this short." I could practically hear Anthony pinching the bridge of his nose and wincing his eyes shut through the line. "Why are you calling?" His tone sounded as upset as you can imagine. "When we get there, you have to act "happy" to see us….. er, me." A very fast pause. "What? Why?" "Because Sasha'll be suspicious if you aren't. It's like a test he's gonna put you through. He's convinced that his "real dad" will be overjoyed to see me….. despite what me, your mom, and Daphne keep telling him." Another pause. "So I have to act "excited" to see you, is that it?" "Yes, and try to be convincing. He'll see right through you if you let your mask slip. And don't test him either; he's absolutely stuck on this one detail." Anthony chuckled a bit on the other end. "I see he inherited stubbornness from YOUR side of the family. Good to know." My finger twitched irate as my hand clenched onto the phone, my voice raising a little. "Oh, yeah! He definitely got it from my side and not from his arrogant, self-absorbed father! But then, I obviously have the dominant genes when it comes to procreation." "You think you're SO smart with that doctorate of yours! Dominant genes….. Who's arrogant now, hmmmmm?!" "Mom, who're you talking to?" I failed to notice my son saunter back in my direction. Flashing him a cheeky grin, I kept my phone close enough so his tiresome father could still hear me. "Oh, no one, honey. Just some major jerk." "What did you call me?!"
Click!