Ibuki: Disclaimer! The author does not own any of the material appearing in the story. The OC's belong to their respective owners!
BGM: Hades' Infernal Theme (Kid Icarus: Uprising)
"Time! Space! Reality! It's more than just a boring ol' linear path! It's a prism of boundless entertainment! A single choice can branch out into infinite realities and infinite amusement from yours truly! Alternate universes created from the ones that we know and love! I am Lord Hades, your handsome guide to these wonderful and boundless fun of opportunities! Follow me, if you dare… and bask in the neverending torturous question of:"
SUPER RWBY: WHAT IF?
"What If!"
End BGM
"Hmhmhmhm-" Hades hummed as he was looking through a treasure box. "Let's see here… I'm feeling a little cheeky today… what do we want to do to spice things up for a universe?"
He pulled out a game.
"Ah! The Switch remake of The Thousand Year Door! Perfect." He said as he looked through. "Now what do I want to do to make-"
BGM: Drums (Jumanji)
"Oh? It sounds like the drums of war are beating!"
He grinned ear to ear as he dug through the chest.
"So, we all remember that good ol' 1995 classic, yes? The one that starred the great and late Robin Williams? That one board game where things go to hell in a handbasket? I'm sure you are all quivering in fear as we speak~"
He pulled out the board game in question.
"Now what would happen if we were to combine Jumanji with the Switch remake of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door?"
He put the game inside the board and then pulled out a blender, putting it into it.
"Let's see… frappe, thick, Soul Crushing Shenanigans… ah, perfect!" He smiled as he turned it on to blend the two together before it was the perfect smoothie. "Now let me just select a universe at random… eeny meenie miney… MOE!"
He dumped the contents into a random universe.
"Now this… THIS is where the fun truly begins!"
What If… Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Played Like Jumanji?
End BGM
"Let the games begin!"
The smoothie contents rained down into the universe and into Toad Town, where it started to turn into a solid and transformed into a copy of the Switch game, but it had a sinister aura surrounding it as it landed on top of a roof at the game store.
"Huh…?" A Toad employee wondered as the game slipped off and landed in front of the doors as he walked out and picked it up. "I guess this is a return?" He wondered as he shrugged it off, but then the drums started kicking in. "Hmm? …I get people are hyped, but I didn't think the publishers would be hyping it from the inside. Talk about technologically advanced!"
He walked in and put the game on the shelf, then he went back to reading a magazine.
At that moment, Futaba walked in with Makoto. "Thanks for coming with me, Nijima. I'd ask Chiaki to go with me but she hasn't been responding to my texts."
"You're welcome. If anything, Chiaki is just too engrossed in a game that she wanted to play. Either that or she's having some fun with her boyfriend."
"Yeah, fair enough." Futaba giggled as they both heard drums.
"...Drums?" Makoto wondered as they looked around until Futaba spotted the Paper Mario copy.
"Ooooh! Talk about hype inducing~!" Futaba smiled as she picked up the game.
"I dunno, Futaba… this game feels… off." Makoto said. "Seriously, it's got an aura around it."
"Well, maybe it was inside a delivery truck that had a heavy smoker. It's fiiiine!"
"If you say so…" Makoto said with a hunt of unsurety.
Futaba paid for the game soon after. "Mwehehehe~! Time to relive an all time classic!"
Later…
Futaba put the game into her Switch.
"I'm actually curious about this game. I've heard it's really good but I haven't had the chance to check it out." Makoto said.
"Well, you're about to be in for a treat~!" Futaba smiled, picking up her Pro Controller… when suddenly, the TV screen turned bright and started scanning the duo.
"Wha…?!" Makoto yelped.
"A scanning feature? Coooooooool~! Highly advanced Nintendo technology!" Futaba gushed.
"Scanning complete: Two players are in the room. Co-Op now mandatory."
"Muh-mandatory…?!" Makoto said.
"Ooooh, you get to play as the partners! Niiiiice!" Futaba smiled, when suddenly, Merlee appeared on the screen.
"Players identified as Futaba Sakura and Makoto Nijima. Protagonists changing in three, two, one."
"Huh?" Futaba wondered as on the screen, instead of Mario and Luigi, it was Futaba and Makoto.
"What the…?" Makoto wondered.
Futaba jawdropped. "Makoto… do you realize what this means?"
"That this is beyond creepy?"
"No… it means that we got a personalized copy of the game! Oh, I can't wait to tell Chiaki about this! She's gonna be SO jealous!"
Makoto sweatdropped. "Or thankful…"
Futaba handed Makoto another Pro Controller. "Come on, let's play together~!"
Makoto sighed. "Okay. Might as well get myself situated." She said, picking up the controller.
In the game…
"HELP ME!"
BGM: Cutting It Pretty Close! (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
Futaba and Makoto both turned their heads to see Goombella getting teamed up against Crump.
"Buh huh huh huh! Don't try anything funny. We know that you have the map, so please try to give it to us and we won't rough you up too badly. Come quietly."
"Oh please, like I'd ever go with some creep like you!"
Futaba and Makoto walked up to them. "What's going on here?" Makoto demanded.
"Oh!" Goombella ran toward the girls. "Like I'd ever go with you guys. I'll hang around these people!"
"Hmph! You have some nerve getting into my business. I'm afraid I'm going to have to rough you two up!"
"Oh no, we're gonna get beat up by a clown. The horror." Futaba said.
"I got this." Makoto cracked her knuckles.
Pause BGM
BGM: Event Battle 2 (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"Alright, battle time, ladies! I'm sure you know what to do!"
"Yup!" Futaba nodded.
"You got it." Makoto nodded.
Outside of the game…
"Okay, so what do we got here…" Futaba said as she looked through the menus. "Ray Gun, Persona, Hacking, Items… ooooh… so many options!"
"Fists, Persona, Magic, items… fascinating…" Makoto mused.
"I'll choose… this!" Futaba picked the Ray Gun option and proceeded to aim the cursor at Crump, then fired at Crump. She then blew smoke from the tip of the ray gun.
"Stylish!"
"Yeah!"
Makoto was up next, choosing the Fists option as she jumped in and gave Crump the good ol' one two punch by pressing the A button. She then backed up and pressed the A button on accident, causing her character to flex with the "Up Yours" gesture.
"Stylish!"
"Oh, I didn't mean to do that." Makoto said.
"Here comes the ol' Crump-a bomb!"
In game…
Crump ran toward the duo and leaped into the air, going past Futaba and on top of Makoto, where she instinctively pressed a button to super guard, which in this case, was Makoto throwing an uppercut… which unfortunately for Crump…
"YYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!"
Crump was already on his knees, his hands covering his groin as tears ran out of his goggles.
End BGM
"Hmph…! Y-you… you will puh-pay for that… dearly…! X-X-X-Nauts…!" He cried out in agony as the X-Nauts surrounded them.
Suddenly, Merlee appeared on screen.
"A mob of enemies arrive at your door. Fend them off or you will be black and bruised."
"PUNISH THEM!"
Outside…
Knock knock knock!
"Hmm?" Makoto turned toward the door. "I'll go see who's at the door."
"Maybe it's the pizza guy."
Makoto opened the door… and saw a mob of X-Nauts in front of her. "HUH?!"
"There she is! Get her!"
Resume Cutting It Pretty Close BGM!
"What the heck?!" Futaba asked in surprise.
Makoto immediately went into the offensive, proceeding to pummel the X-Nauts that came inside. One by one, the X-Nauts were completely obliterated as they tried to tackle her but Makoto either slugged them away or went for piledrivers and suplexed that humiliated them all.
Once they were all taken care of, Makoto kicked them out of the building and closed the door.
End BGM
"That was weird…"
"Tell me about it!" Futaba nodded as Makoto returned, where they would see several X-Nauts down on the ground in agony along with Crump with Makoto having Akuma's symbol hovering above her with her back to the screen.
"Whoa, what the heck did we miss?" Makoto wondered.
Inside…
"That was AWESOME!" Goombella said.
"That's Makoto for ya." Futaba smiled as they walked off together.
"Paaaaaaaaaain… anyone got any ice packs? Johnson… do you have anything…?"
"Uuuuuungh…" All the X-Nauts groaned.
"Oh, I hope Grodus has an ice pack…"
BGM: Rogueport (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"Oh, thank you for saving me back there! I just have to give you a reward!" Goombella sai as she hugged the duo. "So, who are you guys?"
"Futaba Sakura."
"Makoto Nijima."
"Wait… as in… THE PHANTOM THIEVES?! Those guys?! Oh, that's so cool! Where are everyone else?"
"Girl's trip with just the two of us. Ann and Haru went off on a golfing trip, so it's just us." Futaba explained.
"Ah, cool! Meanwhile, I got ambushed by that weirdo because he was saying something about a map. Weird, right?"
"Oh, you mean this?" Futaba pulled it out.
Goombella gasped. "Where'd you find that?!"
Merlee popped up on the screen again.
"Gang War commencing. Shelter in Place."
Meanwhile, outside…
BGM: Pyrite Town Theme (Pokemon Colosseum)
On one side of Toad Town, a bunch of punk rock Koopas approached the center of Toad Town, snapping their fingers as the residents looked bewildered.
On the other side were Piantas, holding chain whips and coconut guns as they both reached the center of town.
"What in the world…?" A Toad wondered.
"Ya got some nerve strollin' into town!" A Koopa said.
"This here is our territory, so you best get out of here, capice?"
"Hahaha! That's rich! …Boys! Let's show these tree humpers that we own the joint!"
"YEAH!"
"Let's kick these shell heads to the curb! Let's go, men!"
"YEEEEAH!"
Both of them started charging at each other, proceeding to clobber each other while spectators watched on in bewilderment.
"Man, the theater club knows how to put on some drama!"
"FIRE THE CANNONS!"
"FIRE THE ROCKETS!"
"...I don't think those are props!"
"BOLT! BOOOOLT!"
The spectators ran away screaming as explosions happened all around town while they continued to clobbed each other.
End BGM
"...Why am I hearing explosions outside?" Makoto asked.
"Eh, probably a fireworks celebration." Futaba shrugged it off.
Back in the game…
The trio sweatdropped as they watched the Piantas beat the Robbos to the ground. "Anyway, you're looking for Peach?" Goombella asked. "I think Professor Frankly might know… he might be on the eastern side of town too."
"Well, let's go then." Futaba said as they walked toward the east side of town.
Merlee appeared again.
"Identity Theft is not a joke. Millions suffer every year."
At that moment, a Scuttlebug lowered itself from the ceiling and sneakily took Makoto's credit card without her noticing as the Scuttlebug quickly pulled up and took off with her credit card.
"OOOOOOPS! Pardon me, suckers!"
In the game…
Makoto grabbed the Bandit. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Uuuuh… aheheh…" The Bandit grimaced. "I was just kidding! Here's your wallet!"
"Thank you." Makoto took it back and punched him through town.
"AIIIIYEEEE!"
CRASH!
Squick!
"AAAAAAH! YOU CRUSHED MY CONTACTS, YOU IGNORAMUS!"
"...Wha..?"
The group wandered into Frankly's place. "Hi Professor Frankly!"
End BGM
BGM: Professor Frankly (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"Hmm? Who goes there? Wait a moment, I always remember a face… you're… hmm… not Goombrielle… you're not Goombriana… hmmmm… AHA! You're Goombella, the top student of my class!"
"That'd be me!"
"And these two are… WHO?"
"Futaba and Makoto! Ya know, two of the famous Phantom Thieves?"
"Never heard of that basketball team."
Futaba and Makoto sweatdropped. "That's a new one…" They both mumbled.
"Anywho, we were wondering if you knew anything about some ancient treasure. These guys were hounding me for information before these two showed up." Goombella said.
"Hmm… well, there is a legend about the Thousand Year Door, but there is a map that leads to it. As far as I know, no such map exists."
"Actually, we have it." Makoto said.
"HUUUUUUH?! SLIPPIN' FANGLE DANGLED WRAPPIN' DING DONG WHACKIN-"
Outside…
"...What the hell is he saying?" Makoto asked.
"Gibberish." Futaba responded.
Inside…
"Sh-show me the map…! Pardon my outburst…" Frankly said as he was given the map. "So it IS real! Look alive, people! We got to take this to the Thousand Year Door immediately! And I know the way there."
"Lead the way." Futaba said as Frankly opened up the door and opened the gate.
"This way!" Frankly requested as the ladies jumped in.
End BGM
BGM: Rogueport Sewers - Sublevel One (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"Phew… kinda moldy down here." Futaba said.
"It's to be expected. Let's go." Makoto said as the four walked together.
"Whooooa, what are you air dwellers doing down in our joint?" A voice asked as three Goombas appeared, one was wearing a spike helmet and the other was a Paragoomba. "Seriously, you think you're all that thinking you know what's good for ya with your clean air!"
"Us sewer breathers? We don't like you surface dwellers and your stellar breathable air!"
"Why live down here then? Why not just get some fresh air?" Makoto pointed out.
"BECAUSE WE LIKE IT DOWN HERE AND MOLDY UNBREATHABLE AIR BUILDS CHARACTER!" The Spiky Goomba yelled.
Makoto sweatdropped. "I… see…" Someone has moldy brain rot…
"However, you are a couple of cuties so we can let it slide… if you let us date you."
"I'd rather date someone who's seen the sun the past decade." Goombella said.
"Yeah, agreed." Futaba nodded.
"Plus, I can smell you from here. You guys been going to Smash tournaments lately?" Makoto taunted.
"HEY! Don't pair us up with those smelly degenerates!" The Goomba yelled.
"Oh, that's it! Now you made me mad! Let's get 'em!" The Paragoomba yelled.
Merlee popped up on the screen again.
"Love is in the air."
Ding dong!
Makoto walked over to the door, opening it up to reveal a Goomba with a bouquet of roses and a wedding ring. "Makoto Nijima, you are my first love. Will you marry-"
SLAM!
"Not interested." Makoto said as she walked back to the couch.
"So that's a maybe then? I'll sit on the porch and wait for your answer!"
"The only person I want to marry is Akira…" Makoto mumbled, picking up the controller again and proceeding to punch the Goombas effortlessly, and when the battle ended, Makoto sent the trio flying into walls.
"Nice one!" Futaba said as Makoto dusted her hands.
"Shall we then?"
"I believe it goes deeper." Frankly said, motioning to the platform as they made their way further down, knocking away any Goomba or Spinia that tried to attack them.
They walked up the stairs, only for Futaba to hop down and snag a key, then she went around to meet up with the others as they walked into the room that contained the treasure chest.
"Hey, whoa whoa whoa, do I hear voices out there? It's been ages since-"
Futaba walked over to the chest and unlocked it. "Here, just save your oxygen."
End BGM
"...Really? You're not gonna let me…? …Okay then! *Ahem!* MWHEHEHEHEHE! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!"
BGM: The Curse of the Suspicious Black Chest (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"You didn't even let me finish my speech! For that, you will be cursed with an ungodly curse that will make you cry for mercy!"
Merlee appeared again.
"Be one with the curse."
"BOOGLY WOOGLY WOO, YOU'RE CURSED!"
Outside…
"Hmmph!" Makoto grunted as Futaba felt some tingles in her body.
"Do you feel that curse in your bodies? To the geek, you are cursed with technological powers! To the hothead, you now have the ability to produce fire punches! Burn your hands with humiliation!"
"Um…" Futaba produced some screens. "I already have my Technomagic."
"And to the players who are playing this game, the geek's hacking abilities will now make her control other people like puppets! And to the hothead, well… hope you like fire because you can now light people ablaze with your punches! You may burn yourself too. ISN'T THAT HUMILIATING! MWEHEHEHEHE! SUFFER JUST LIKE THE ONE IN HERE!"
Futaba blinked. "And this is a hindrance… how?"
"Hmm…" Makoto snapped her fingers as her hand became ablaze. "Ack!" She shook the flame away.
"...Wait… hold on a second…" Futaba narrowed her eyes. "Hmmm…"
"You thinking this is not an ordinary copy?"
"I have my suspicions, but let's keep going." Futaba said.
Inside…
"So long, suckers! Enjoy your suffering! MWEHEHEHEHE!"
End BGM
"Free a guy and you get cursed. Wow. Sounds like par for the course in this town." Goombella said.
"Let's continue on." Frankly said. "...And I'm wondering if the curse is actually a hindrance or beneficial."
"Who knows…" Goombella shrugged as they walked out as Futaba made some platforms for them to get across before making their way inside the next room.
BGM: Hall of the Thousand Year Door - Prologue (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"There it is… the Thousand Year Door." Frankly said.
"Incredible!" Goombella whispered.
"Wow… it's bigger than I imagined." Makoto said as they walked down to the pedestal as Futaba hopped onto the pedestal and raised the map up high instinctively, causing lights to surround them and then a beam of light shined down from above.
Once the light show was over, Futaba lowered it down as they all looked at the map, seeing Hooktail Castle pop up.
"Huh, what in the world is that…?" Goombella wondered.
"Come. We must discuss this privately." Frankly said as they headed back.
End BGM
BGM: Professor Frankly
"According to my research, what we saw on the map was a Crystal Star. There are seven of them that will open the Thousand Year Door. One has revealed itself to be in Petal Meadows."
"Fascinating!" Goombella said.
"Now, there's something that's been bugging me. Where exactly did you two get this map?" Frankly asked.
"Oh, Peach sent it to us."
"Blonde hair, pink dress, overall pretty?" Frankly asked.
"Yeah." Futaba nodded.
"AHA! So it was her! I saw her recently mentioning something about some treasure, so maybe she will be there! But of course, there are those folks who were harassing Goombella earlier… perhaps they are connected in some capacity."
"We'll find her before they do." Futaba said.
"That is wise. Oh, and before you go, I have a little something for Makoto." Frankly reached underneath his desk and walked over, handing her metal gloves.
Badge Obtained: Power Smash! (Makoto only)
Makoto will now punch twice as hard and pierces Defense
FP: 1
Outside…
"Huh, it was a hammer before…" Futaba said.
"Tailored just for me? Don't mind if I do!" Makoto smiled.
Inside…
"Oh, by the way… I had also found this in the trash earlier. Not sure how or why it was there, but I don't recall having it. I think the garbage man got confused." Frankly said. "It's another badge, but I don't know what it does, frankly."
Badge Obtained: Double Pain (All Party Members)
The players experiences damage experienced by the party members
(Cannot be taken off)
Outside…
"HUH?!" Futaba yelled.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!" Makoto screamed.
"...Okay. What… I… huh? That… um… IS THIS GAME FOR MASOCHISTS?!"
"I… I think so…!"
Futaba grimaced. "Welp. Danger Mario's out of the question…"
"Wh-what's Danger Mario?"
"Leaving your HP critically low just so you can get more powerful and cheese bosses."
"...Futaba."
"Yes?"
"We are going shopping. I am NOT getting my ass kicked just so we can do some stupid build!"
"Agreed. Mushrooms are a must. For sure. I like living!"
End BGM
One shopping spree later…
"It's a shame that Goombella decided to stay with the professor." Futaba said in game, walking through the sewers.
"I bet she thinks that the two of us can handle this no problem." Makoto said as they went toward the right and found themselves a Blooper tentacle.
"Hmm… I oughta fry it."
"Actually…" Makoto started pulling it back.
"Bloop! BLOOOOP!"
The Blooper emerged from the water.
"Bloop bloop bloop?! BLOOP BLOOP!" (Do you mind?! UNHAND ME!)
"Okay~!" Makoto released the tentacle, which slingshot back to the Blooper and slapped it silly, knocking it down into the water to KO it, then platforms appeared. The two of them went inside the pipe leading to Petal Meadows.
BGM: Petal Meadows (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
Both of them hopped out with Futaba sniffing the air. "Aaaah, love this air!"
"Agreed. Let's go find that Crystal Star and Peach." Makoto said as they started walking together… only to be greeted by the sound of a dragon roaring. They looked up to see Hooktail flying overhead and into the castle.
"Aw sweet, we're going dragon hunting!" Futaba grinned excitedly.
Outside…
"Aw, shit… we're going dragon hunting…" Futaba groaned.
"This is gonna be brutal…" Makoto sighed in exasperation.
Inside…
The duo went ahead, knocking out some Goombas wandering around while also finding a red ? block that contained a Close Call badge.
Badge Obtained: Close Call (All Party Members)
When Party Members (and players) are in Danger, enemies sometimes fail to attack
Outside…
"Aaaand immediately equipping THAT." Futaba said.
"Haaaa… just what I needed…" Makoto sighed in relief.
Inside…
End BGM
BGM: Petalburg (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"Hey, welcome!" The Koopa greeted. "You seem to have traveled far. Was there any incident?"
"Aside from a dragon, no." Futaba said.
"You met Hooktail and she didn't gobble you up?! That's impressive!"
"We're gonna need to find a way to get to the dragon's castle. Any tips?" Makoto asked.
"Well, you could go ask the mayor. He's in the red house just a block from here."
"Thanks." Futaba nodded as they walked off, stopping by the shop by Makoto's insistence and grabbing a few more Mushrooms while Futaba grabbed a few POW Blocks.
Once they were satisfied, they made their way down to Mayor Kroop's house.
End BGM
"Excuse me!" Makoto spoke up once they walked into Kroop's house.
"Hmm?" Kroop turned around.
BGM: Murphy Mario (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"Hi!" Futaba waved.
"Who are you? Thieves?! Take my wallet if you so wish… take everything! Actually, leave me be with the missus while you take away my shell. Leave me with my wife and my fading humiliation!"
"Whoa whoa whoa! We're not thieves!" Makoto said.
"You're not? Oh thank goodness… what did you come here for anyway?"
"We need to go to the fortress that's beyond Petalburg." Futaba said. "We're willing to defeat the monsters."
"Ah, are you now? Excellent! You have my blessing… but uh… what are your names, you two?"
"Futaba!"
"Makoto."
"Ah, such nice names… Fuschia and Monkey."
"Fuschia?"
"MONKEY?!" Makoto yelled in offense.
"No no no, it's Futaba and Makoto!" Futaba said.
"Yes, Fuschia and Monkey. Such nice names… why, when I was a young kid, I used to get names wrong all the time! But now that I'm older and wiser, I can easily understand everyone's names… why, back then, I couldn't remember my wife's name!"
"Come on, let's go." Futaba dragged Makoto away as she tried to reach over and bonk him on the head, but Futaba wasn't going to let her.
End BGM
"Monkey… ugh…" Makoto grumbled. "The nerve of that old man…"
"Hey, at least we got permission to go there."
"I suppose…" Makoto scratched her head as they walked over to the gate.
"Hey, whoa, no one's allowed to-"
"We got permission from the mayor." Futaba said.
"Oh! Well, in that case… go on ahead. Your funeral though." The Koopa opened the gate.
"Um, excuse me!"
The duo turned to see Koops approaching.
"Hey, um… my name's Koops and… uh… mmm… oh… never mind! Forget I said anything!" He took off running.
"Okay, that was weird…" Makoto said.
"Crippling introvertedness. I can relate." Futaba sighed a bit. "Anyway, let's go!"
A few POW Blocks thrown later…
The duo made their way into the last building, where they would find a Thwomp guarding the entrance.
"Hmmm?" The Thwomp opened his eyes. "Hmph! I see you want passage to Shhwonk Fortress… but let's play a game to see if you are worthy to go into the fortress!" He said… when suddenly, a few Clefts dropped down in front of them.
Merlee appeared.
"Chaos Mode Activated. Good luck!"
"This would be where we do a game show, but you players are all about free EXP, so I'm going to make this more difficult!"
The Clefts turned green and started charging up.
"Fully charged Hyper Clefts! Ohohoho! I'm trembling in excitement just thinking about it!"
The girls looked at each other before Futaba brought out a POW Block, throwing it down on the ground to make the Hyper Clefts flip over and then Makoto unleashed Power Smash on them, sending them flying toward the wall.
"...THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO ATTACK YOU." The Thwomp yelled in anger before moving out of the way to reveal the Warp Pipe. "HMPH!"
"Salty~" Futaba giggled as they went into the pipe.
BGM: Shhwonk Fortress (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
They got out of the Warp Pipe as Futaba spotted a red ? block and hit it, as a green ray gun popped out. She walked over to pick it up.
Badge Obtained! Multi-Shot (Multibounce) (Futaba only)
Shoot enemies in quick succession!
2 FP
"Sweet." Futaba smiled.
"Split up?" Makoto suggested.
"Good idea. See you on the other side!" Futaba said as they split up, proceeding to make the Fuzzy's lives absolute hell as they grabbed the stones and turned around, but as they made it to the center, a Gold Fuzzy appeared in the center of the room.
"Meeeeyoooork! Hey, what's the big idea waltzing around in our domain and thinking you own the place? You need to be taught some manners! And now I will lunch on your heads! Hmm… wait… there's two of you and only one me."
Merlee appeared.
"Fuzzy Wuzzy Had No Pest Control. Fuzzy Wuzzy Hopes For Good Luck"
"FUZZY HOOOOOORDE! ATTACK! MEEEEYOOOORK!"
Meanwhile…
"Hmhmhmhm~" Peach hummed as she walked into her personal bathroom. She hopped into her shower after taking her clothes off and turned on the faucet… but instead of water coming out of the shower, Fuzzies shot out of the shower heat.
BGM: Battle - Chapter One (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" She screamed.
Out in Toad Town, Fuzzies shot out of the sewers, came out from alleyways, dumpsters and Warp Pipes before Toad Town was flooded with Fuzzies.
"What the…?!" Nyx exclaimed as Fuzzies were hopping everywhere as even the gang war was postponed as both gangs tried to flee from the tidal wave of Fuzzies.
"Where the hell did this come from?!" Xena wondered.
The residents of Toad Town quickly tried to barricade their homes from the rabid parasites… but unfortunately, it didn't stop them from coming from outside of their own bathrooms, causing residents to scream in horror.
As for Futaba and Makoto, they were somehow completely unaffected by the Fuzzies as they had ignored them.
End BGM
"Do you hear screaming?" Futaba asked.
"I don't want to know."
Back inside…
The duo made their way back to Hooktail Castle after clobbering the Gold Fuzzy and the Fuzzy horde, but as they made their way out of town…
"Hey, excuse me!" A voice called out as they saw Koops approaching them.
BGM: Koops (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"So um… I'm sorry about earlier, but uh… the thing is… well… OH PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU TO FIGHT HOOKTAIL!"
"Whoa!" Both girls exclaimed in unison.
"Sorry for that… you see, Hooktail's been eating residents left and right for quite some time. The thing is, my dad went off to fight Hooktail a few years ago and… well, he never came back. I want to-"
"You're in." Futaba said.
"Huh?!" Koops exclaimed in surprise.
"You want to avenge your father, right? We'll be happy to help you out." Makoto said.
Koops' eyes sparkled. "Oh, thank you so much! You won't regret it, I promise!"
"Um… excuse me?"
End BGM
BGM: Melancholy Koopie Koo (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"Oh uh… hi Koopie Koo!" Koops greeted.
"I couldn't help but overhear that you want to face Hooktail, right?"
"Yeah… I got Futaba and Makoto backing me up here."
"I mean, they look rather capable but you'll only slow them down. You're a coward, Koops! Come back where you'll be safe."
"No. I made up my mind. I'm traveling with these girls."
"Grrr… FINE! IGNORE ME!"
Merlee appeared.
"Wear Protective Helmets. Koopa Shells are hazardous to your health."
Koopie Koo got into her shell and launched herself toward the trio… and outside of the game, a Koopa Shell shot out of their window and slammed into Makoto and Futaba's head.
"OOOF!/OWWWWW!"
"STUBBORN KOOPA!"
The Koopa Shell ricocheted and went out the door. "Sorry! The Fuzzies messed up my trajectory!"
"Uuungh… now I have a splitting headache…" Futaba groaned with anime tears running down her cheeks.
"My head's killing me… can we use one of our Mushrooms?"
Back inside…
"Oooof…" Koops rubbed his head. "Sorry about that. Koopie Koo tends to be quite protective."
"I've noticed…" Futaba said, giving a Mushroom to Makoto as they popped the Mushrooms into their mouths to heal themselves up.
"Alright, let's go before Koopie Koo comes back for round two." Makoto said as they hurried off, and once they put the stones into the pillars and hit the ! switches, they hopped into the Warp Pipe and went into Hooktail's Castle, where Futaba made a platform for them to get across the bridge and walked into the castle doors.
BGM: Hooktail Castle (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
As they walked through and proceeded to knock out some Koopas and Paratroopas, Futaba hit a red ? block as a blue ray gun dropped to the ground, picking it up immediately.
Badge Obtained: Power Shot (Power Bounce) (Futaba Only)
Charge Up your Ray Gun to unleash a powerful shot that deals 5-10 damage!
(Warning: Charging it excessively will make the Ray Gun overheat and be unusable for a turn)
"Good to know." Futaba smiled as they walked into the next room, where Koops spotted a blue shelled Dull Bones.
"Oh no… oh no no no no no!" Koops cried as he ran toward the pile of dead bones. "Yup… just as I thought… it's my dad! Daaaaaaad!" He sobbed before finding a letter. "Hmmm? What's this… should I read it?"
"Might be for the best." Makoto said as Koops began to read it.
Pause BGM
BGM: A Letter from… Dad (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"To whom it may concern: Hooktail is a vicious beast who will prey on those who are weak… but when you nearly defeat her, she will use dirty tricks to win the battle, as I had fallen for. However, I had discovered a weakness that Hooktail has. Apparently, she does not like the sound of a creature that starts with "F" and ends with "rog"... or maybe it was "Cr" and ends with "icket", I haven't fully figured it out yet… but perhaps find both just in case.
As my eyes fade, let me give one last advice to my dear son-"
End BGM
Resume Hooktail Castle BGM
"KOLORADO?!" Koops yelled in surprise, causing both ladies to sweatdrop and Koops to blush in embarrassment, while outside of the game, Futaba tried to hold in her laughter while Makoto facepalmed
"Ahehehe~ Whoooops…" Koops sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "So um… if this isn't my dad, then maybe that pile of red bones is?" He said as they approached the Red Bones, where it started to move as soon as they touched it.
Merlee appeared again.
"The Dead Arise. Have you been working out lately?"
"Who daaaares approach meeee? Those who arrive at this castle will be nothing but booooones!"
Outside…
Undead hands shot out of the ground as Dry Bones emerged from the ground, as they were accompanied by Bone Piranhas, Bone Goombas and Bony Beetles.
A Toad who witnessed this pulled out a note card, checking off "Dry Bone Apocalypse".
"Gang war, Fuzzy apocalypse, and now a zombie apocalypse? Today's bingo card fortune has been very specifically accurate today…" He mused as he turned around and walked off with a casual whistle while everyone else screamed.
Back inside…
"Nice Power Shell, dude!" Futaba complimented.
"Thanks." Koopa smiled as they walked into the next room where they would come across a locked door. "Okay, so… anyone know of a key we can find? Probably in those piles of bones-"
Makoto approached the door as her hand burst into flames, pulling back as a meter appeared above her head. The moment the meter went up and lit up the star…
"NIIJIMA… PUUUUNCH!"
The hinges of the door flew off, crushing a Dull Bones that was minding its business.
"Ooooor we can do that." Koops sweatdropped as they walked into the next door, leaving the lift behind for now as they walked into a dungeon, knocking out a Paragoomba and a Dull Bones. Futaba fired a laser at a ! Switch, opening up a cell as they walked through and found another black chest.
"Oh hey, treasure!" Koops said.
"And a door? Let's go in there first." Makoto suggested as they walked through the door and found themselves in a suspicious room.
"Holes in the ground, huh…" Futaba said as she knelt down and plugged up all the holes with her Technomagic as Makoto walked over and grabbed the black key from the chest, and then the ceiling started to lower itself down, but thanks to Futaba, they got out without having to traverse through a maze.
Makoto unlocked the black chest. "Hey, any spirits in there?"
"Whoa! You opened it up before I could say anything?! …Well, in that case… WEHEHEHEHEHEHE! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!"
Pause BGM
BGM: The Curse of the Suspicious Black Chest
"You are so pathetically dumb that you think you could just open the chest up and expect something like a stupid heart container! I mean, really, who does that? For your stupidity, I now curse you AND the players! BOOGLY WOOGLY WOOOOO!"
The demon laughed. "Now face the music! The geek will now phase through walls, including the player!"
Outside…
"Cool, just like my girlfriend!"
Inside…
"And the hothead will now be able to heat her hands up to the point that she can melt metal! You'll be able to melt anything in your path! Same goes for the hotheaded player out there!"
Outside…
"Not like I'll be able to ever use it but… cool…? Seriously, how are these curses?"
Inside…
"Enjoy your pitiful lives! WEHEHEHEHEHE!"
End BGM
"Players…?" Koops wondered as they walked out as Makoto melted the bars in front of them, where they could easily step out as Futaba spotted two badges in a cell. She phased through the bars and picked them up.
Badges Obtained! Attack FX R and G!
Make Yourselves Sound Like Crickets and Frogs
Merlee appeared again.
"Your vegetables are in grave danger. An infestation draws near."
"Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp"
"Huh?" Makoto turned to the sound as she walked to the kitchen to see a bunch of crickets. "AUGH! What's with all these crickets?!"
"Ribbit!"
Suddenly, a few frogs jumped in and started eating them up.
"Croooooak. Croooooak."
"Uh… thank you…?" Makoto sweatdropped.
Meanwhile, outside, the Fuzzy Horde was accompanied by crickets and frogs all over town.
In their apartment building, Hajime and Chiaki opened up the door to see what was going on, seeing the mass infestation going on.
"...Nope. Not today." Chiaki said.
"Yeah, let's just go back to playing Mario Kart."
They closed the door and continued to play the game uninterrupted, while nearby, a car crashed into a street pole and was flooded by all the creatures before the car was stripped clean of everything, causing the Koopa driver to land on his butt.
"Oooh… dang pests!"
A few Fuzzies hopped over to the Koopa, but some frogs ate up the Fuzzies thinking they were crickets.
"Rrrrriiibbbit."
Back with the players…
The trio made their way through the castle, going up through lifts, punching their way through locked doors, knocking out Koopas and Dull Bones before they opened up a door on an upper floor.
Pause BGM
"Hmmm? Now who are you three?" A voice asked as they spotted a white thieving mouse.
BGM: Ms. Mowz's Theme (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"My my, I thought I was the only one in this castle looking for treasure~"
"How'd you know we were looking for the Crystal Star?" Koops asked.
"Oh my, you're looking for something you probably shouldn't have told me~?"
"...D'oh."
"Mhmhmhmhm~ No matter, I only got what I came for anyway. You're free to find any treasure if you so desire, you rogue-likes."
"Rogue-likes…?" Futaba wondered as Mowz made her way over to Koops.
"I'll see you again sometime, handsome~" She smiled, giving him a smooch.
"MMMPH?!" Koops yelped in surprise, turning beet red as Mowz hopped into the window.
"I think that counts as nonconsensual assault…" Makoto said.
"I ship it." Futaba said, earning a nudge from Makoto. "What?"
"By the way, there are a few badges here that pertain to Hooktail's one or two weaknesses. Perhaps you found them? Only time may tell… ta ta~!" Mowz hopped out of the window.
End BGM
Resume Hooktail Castle BGM
"Aw maaaaaan! Koopie Koo is gonna kill me!" Koops whined as he tried to wipe the lipstick residue on his cheek. "Is it off? Tell me it's not permanent!"
"You're good." Makoto said.
"Oh thank Koopa…" Koops sighed in relief as they turned the other way and went deeper into Hooktail Castle, blasting away locks as they did so while also KO'ing Koopas once they reached the outside bridge.
They soon made their way up the tower, knocking out a Spiky Goomba that was guarding the entrance.
End BGM
They reached the final door as they looked at each other and with a nod, they opened the doors… while at the same time, Futaba and Makoto fist bumped each other.
"Who dares come into my lair?"
BGM: Who Dares Approach Hooktail? (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
Hooktail approached the trio, roaring in fury. "Ah, you were the morsels that I have seen before… I had not paid you much mind on my way home, but now that you had come to me, perhaps I could have you three as dessert… popping off your heads shouldn't be a problem!"
Koops gulped. "Y-You ready…?"
"Ready!" Futaba nodded as Makoto squared up while Hooktail roared.
End BGM
BGM: Battle - Hooktail (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
Scourge of Petalburg - Hooktail
"PERSONA!" Both ladies yelled, transforming into their Phantom Thief attire as they summoned their respective Personas.
"Hmm, changing appearances? Not that will change anything."
Hooktail immediately breathed fire but they quickly rolled out of the way.
"Hey! Hooktail!" Oracle smirked. "DELELELELELELE WHOOOOOOOOOOP!"
"Uuuurgh…"
"Croagunk! Croa! Croa! Gunk Gunk! Politoad! Poli Poli!"
"Mmmph… why did I have to eat a Kricketune and a Toxicroak at the same type…" Hooktail groaned, looking rather nauseous.
"Now's my chance!" Koops said, unleashing Power Shell into her foot.
Hooktail snarled, raising her foot to try and squish Koops, but the Koopa got out of the way as Oracle boosted their power and defense, where Queen jumped in and unleashed Freila on the dragon.
With a growl, Hooktail tried to cook them with her flames but they got out of the way once more as Hooktail then tried to chomp down on them, but they were too quick as Futaba quickly used Power Shot to strike her, unleashing ten damage on the dragon, and then Makoto charged in with a Power Smash, and Koops hit her with another Power Shell.
"Urgh… okay! Okay, I promise not to do any more bad things, I promise! I'll even make you a deal… I'll give you nine billion coins!"
"Where's your money? I don't see anything." Futaba said.
"A once in a lifetime badge?"
"Keep it!" Koops said as Queen hopped on Johanna, revving her up.
"Then… perhaps I can offer you the smell of my feet? It's quite riveting, to say the least. People would die for this smell. So, what will it be? Smell my feet? I heard people are really into that"
Queen shot herself into Hooktail, flipping Johanna up to have her uppercut Hooktail's chin to knock the dragon on her back in defeat.
"Keep your disgusting fetish to yourself, you creep!"
End BGM
"I could have sworn that would have taken longer…" Koops said.
"What a wimp…" Makoto said.
Still, I'm glad we beat Hooktail!" Koops said, as they heard the dragon groaning before she spat out Koopley.
"Huh? What? Am I alive? I'm alive!"
BGM: Peace Returns to Petalburg (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
"D-Dad…?!"
"Hmm?" Koopley turned to Koops. "Ah, hey son! Good to see you! Look how well you've grown!" Koopley smiled as Koops ran over to hug him.
"What happened? I thought you were dead! I came to avenge you and you… you… you're alive!"
"Yes, son. I'm alive and well. To tell you what happened, I had brought Hooktail to her knees… and before I finished her off, she tricked me."
"How did she trick you?"
"She said her feet smelled like fresh Koopasta. How could I say no to smelling something delectable?"
The ladies facepalmed with a groan.
"...Dad. You need help." Koops groaned.
"Yeah… ahehehehe… I happen to be very addicted to Koopasta… never again though! I will say, this rock had been keeping me sane for the past few years." He said, revealing the Crystal Star. "You guys want it?"
"Yeah! We need it." Makoto said.
"Then take it!" Koopley smiled as the girls took the Crystal Star.
End BGM
BGM: Chapter Cleared (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Switch)
Outside of the game, Futaba let out a sigh.
"Something wrong?" Makoto asked.
"With all the things that are happening and the screaming I've been hearing outside… plus all the messages that are popping up on screen with Merlee… I have a suspicion on what's going on."
"And that is?"
"Some whack job at Nintendo has a Jumanji fetish."
Meanwhile, at Future Foundation…
"Now what in the heck is going on out here?" Kyoko wondered, looking at the chaos that was happening as the Fuzzy Horde, crickets, frogs and Dry Bones were making a mess of things.
"Hmmm…" Kyoko folded her arms. "This is quite the anomaly…"
At Bowser's Castle…
"Your Nastiness! You're not going to believe this." Kamek said. "Something's going wrong at Toad Town!"
"And I wasn't invited? Pah… what's the situation?"
"Fuzzy horde, crickets, frogs and an undead zombie apocalypse."
Bowser rubbed his chin. "I'm heading over there. I wish to see this insanity for myself… and perhaps make some popcorn. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Well, this is getting rather exciting. I sure hope to see what fun chaos will be happening next time! Oh, and by the way… you're welcome!"
Deadpool: Chaos in this universe! And it's the fun kind!
Ibuki: Heck yeah!
Shout out to Flash for this What If idea! (Also, happy early 25th, man. Enjoy your early birthday present for when you turn 25 in a week!)