Chapter 18

My throat felt tight as I stood on the opposite side of the door. Minutes felt like hours while I waited for the door to open. I could hear the latch unlocking on the other side. The sounds had stopped, but the door did not open. I pressed my palms against the door and pushed it open carefully. I quickly stepped inside and closed the door behind me. All the air had left my lungs when I laid eyes on her. I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by Sango coming downstairs. She glanced between the both of us, then she bowed.

"My apologies. I did not mean to interrupt. I will be stepping out for a while."

She shot me a glance before. A look that possibly meant, "Make this right". She hurried out and closed the door behind her. I went over to her. I felt a pang in my gut. Deep bags sat under her eyes. The light in her eyes had dimmed. Her warmth no longer radiated from her. Her lips usually a bright pink color, were now pale; and her hair had lost its luster. Her collarbone protruded more than when I saw her last. She had not been eating nor resting well. From the few cuts I could see. They were beginning to heal; leaving scabs behind. I clenched my jaw. I hated that this had happened to her. She was holding on by a thread. I was going to do everything in my power to hold her together. She began to fidget under my gaze.

"I want you to know, that I do not regret meeting you. I do not regret coming to this town with you. You could not have known how things would play out... Nor do I blame you for what Hojo or those men did to me. Had you not come across me that day when you had. He and I would have inevitably ended up together. I do not want to have spent my life with a monster. So, do not blame yourself."

My shoulders felt the slightest bit lighter hearing her say those words. Still, my heart was heavy. I took one step closer and felt the instant regret wash over me. She flinched away from me.

She… feared me.

"I will not touch you," I said softly. "Not unless you wish is. You needn't be afraid of me."

She met my eyes that instant.

"I am not afraid of you Sesshomaru. You have never never frightened me."

I relaxed, but the pain in my chest lingered.

"I will not ask if you are alright. I know that you are not. You do not need to speak; you needn't look at me. Simply standing here with you is enough. When you are ready, I am here… I will always be here until you no longer want me to be."

She exhaled and came to me, resting her head against my chest. She wrapped her small arms around me. She clung to me. My hands ached to do the same.

"Hold me," she begged.

You never have to beg for my embrace.

My arms moved on their own; wrapping themselves around her. I breathed her in. I missed her in my embrace. The feel of her skin against mine. It had been too long. Her legs gave out beneath her. I held her tighter so she would not fall.

"It is alright. I am here. You are not alone." I reassured her.

I will never break my promise to you again.

She cried into my chest. I only held her closer. I held her for as long as she needed me to. What seemed like hours had passed by. Her sobs eventually stopped. She pulled away from me and wiped her eyes.

"I am sorry."

I held her chin between my fingers, making her look at me.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Especially not to me."

I could see her lips quivering. I did not want her to shed any more tears. I kissed her lips softly. She backed away from me. Fear crept up on me. I feared I had done something wrong.

"Forgive me. I did not want you to cry again. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable."

The worry in my voice could be heard.

"That is not it…" she said trailing off. "I am… unclean. I do not-" She was beginning to get choked up again.

Unclean?

I went to her closing the distance between us. I took her face in both my hands.

"No matter what has happened. No matter how things have changed. I will never see you that way. Nothing will ever change the way that I see you. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. In the thousands of years I have lived, the countless times I have roamed through this realm and my own. You are the purest creature I have ever come across. There is nothing unclean about you. Do you understand me?"

She nodded slowly. I would not have her thinking negatively about herself. There was nothing wrong with her. It was them that was the problem. Damn them for making her think otherwise.

"There is something I need to tell you. I do not wish to keep it from you." I said letting my arms drop. "I have him."

She began to fidget once more.

"Is he…" she whispered trailing off.

"Dead," I finished for me. "No, but he is close."

When it is his time, I will give him an excruciating send-off.

I could see the panic in her eyes.

"I need you to do something for me," she said.

"Anything."

"Take me to him."

I could see the shock in his eyes. He slowly shook his head in disbelief.

"Kagome-"

"Please Sesshomaru, I need you to do this for me. Remember what you have said. Anything. Do not go back on your word now."

I did not want to use his words against him, but I needed to do this.

He clenched his jaw. I could see him thinking of all the ways to talk me out of what I had asked of him. I would not change my mind… he knew that.

"I will be safe. I will be with you. There is no safer place for me." I reassured him.

His gaze softened.

"Alright," he said giving in.

"I will be just a moment," I said rushing upstairs.

I could not remember the last time I moved with such Vigor. I dressed myself quickly. I did not want to give Sesshomaru any time to convince himself he could persuade me to change my mind. I rushed downstairs. He held his hand out to me. I placed my hand in his and we left. I took a deep breath. The winter air was calming. The sun felt so foreign on my skin, even though it had only been a few days. The morning was quiet, There were no prying eyes. No townspeople trying to force conversation out of curiosity. It was as though we were walking through an empty town, and I was thankful for it. I did not wish to be seen this way.

"It is quiet." I'd said.

"Hn."

"It has never been this quiet. Did something happen?"

" I would go as far to say, I am to blame for this."

I waited for him to go on.

"A few nights ago, I stole the boy from his home. In the middle of the night. I dragged him from his home, while he kicked and screamed for help; shortly after I killed his mother in front of him."

My eyes widened. "His mother?"

He nodded. "Hn. I was out for blood, and I had every intent on it being paid. He made it very easy for me. He threw her down at my feet and sacrificed her. Thinking it would save him."

"I see… and while you've had him?"

"I will not lie to you. I tortured him in unspeakable ways that I will not explain to you. The things I have done to him are not for your ears. Just know, that he is hurt. I wanted to make him pay. To hurt him, because he-"

"To hurt him because he has hurt me." I finished for him.

The old me would have felt sorry for them; hearing what he had done to them... but I was no longer the old me. What was left of me, inside this shell?

He clenched his jaw and nodded. We walked side by side in silence until we reached the house. I looked up at it—our home where it all started, where I was taken from. A place that once had happy memories. Now all that sat here was trauma and pain. A dark cloud would forever be cast over this place… forever ruined.

"He is inside." I heard him say.

"I need you to wait here," I told him.

"Kagome, I cannot let you be alone with him."

"He is tied up?"

He nodded.

"I will be fine. If he is as you say he is. Then I will be fine. I need you to let me do this Sesshomaru." I pressed.

He clenched his fists at his sides but eventually gave in.

"I will wait here."

I looked up at him and cupped his cheek

I gave him a small smile.

"Thank you. I will not be long. I promise."

I walked over to the front door. I touched my fingers against the wood. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed it open. I kept my eyes on the floor, as I closed the door behind me. I could hear him groaning in pain. There was no doubt he thought me to be Sesshomaru. I looked at him; taking in the sight of him. He was a bloody mess. Sesshomaru's explanation had not done any justice. Still, even as I stood there and looked at him in his sorry state. I felt nothing for him. There was no empathy, no sympathy; just nothing. I went over to him studying his face. His eyes were swollen shut. For this to work, I needed him to see me. I pulled the small dagger from my bag and made a slit above each eye; draining the blood from them both. There was space enough for him to see me now. I could see the shock in his eyes.

"Kagome?" he said hoarsely.

"You are surprised to see me."

"Am I dreaming?... Am I dead?"

"No," I said quietly.

He hung his head low in shame.

What right did he have to feel ashamed? After everything that I have endured because of him.

"We were supposed to be happy. Things were supposed to be different."

All I could do was stare at him.

Different he says. Happy?

"I thought about things I would say to you once I arrived here. Still, I could think of nothing. The things I would do. The ways I would curse you. Or damn your name to hell. I would be lying if there wasn't a part of me that wanted to kill you... but I do not want to be like you. I will not sully myself any further, by sinking to your lever. So, all I could do was wonder why. Why would someone say they care about me, yet do something so heinous? How could they damn me to such treatment; such humiliation. Were you wounded by my rejection so greatly, that you went this far? The things I have gone through… because of you and your greed… no because of your pride. Simply because I have chosen someone else-

He shook his head slowly. "No, no, no that was never the plan." He whispered.

The sound of his strained voice was unsettling to my ears.

"The plan? I was taken, assaulted, and VIOLATED! By them and by YOU, because of your so-called plan. How could I be your half? You are pure evil. I am ashamed to be linked to you in any way."

"I am sorry… truly. All I wanted was your love."

"My love is not reserved for the likes of you. Keep your apologies. It means nothing. You deserve everything Sesshomaru has done to you. I hope that in hell it never ends for you. I want to know nothing but endless pain, for eternity.

I had never spoken to anyone this way, but I meant every word. That frightened me. What he and those men had done had changed me… and not for the better.

"I am going to die." He said.

He was, but I would be around long enough to watch him meet his end.

"You have made your bed, now you must lie in it," I said coldly.

I turned my back to him, ignoring his sobs. I opened the door and walked through it. I left it open. I slipped my hand into his and rested my head on his chest.

"I wish to leave."

He wrapped his arm around me.

To leave this all behind.

"I will take you to a place far away from here, where those like him will never reach you," he whispered. "Your things-"

"I do not want them," I said cutting him off. "Everything here has been ruined for me."

I had to leave all this behind. I had to forget… or at least try. All this would only weigh us down, and hold me back. I needed to heal. It would take time, but I had to try.

"The boy?" he asked.

I squeezed his hand. I began walking, pulling him along.

"Leave him. When night comes… so will the wolves."

She had grown tired on our walk to my hidden chariot. I'd carried her the rest of the way, as she'd fallen asleep in my arms. This entire ordeal had taken too much out of her. She was exhausted; rightfully so. I wondered what it was, she had said to the boy, but it was not my place to push. I'd heard yelling coming from inside, but I turned away and did not listen.

Now, she quietly slept curled up at my feet. I kept the ride slow and steady so, as not to wake her. I did not want to rush. I looked down at her sleeping form. I wonder if she had meant what she said. Could she leave this all behind? Could she leave her closest friend behind? I looked up. I could see Mount Olympus ahead, but we would not go there. I would not bring her to that place. I would take her elsewhere. A piece of Olympus that has broken off and drifted miles away from here; centuries ago. It was long forgotten and abandoned. I kept low in the clouds, hiding in the darkness of the night. I kept in the cover, flying for a few more hours. The small floating island sat quietly tucked away in the sky. Amongst the clouds, over the sea. I looked down at her again, brushing the hair out of her face. I gently stroked her cheek.

Yes. No one would reach us here.