October 4th, 2007
He's watching a Quidditch match with Ron and Draco. They're at his place. Rachel is with Hermione. Tessa and Ginny are visiting Molly and Arthur. Linda and Fred with them.
Harry boos a foul and they chuckle together, drinking some beer. It's been a while since they had a men's night. And it's nice, it distracts him a bit… his mind has been a huge mess since that night with Hermione. They haven't seen each other again. And he can't stop wondering what the hell she was talking about when she said that she was trying to figure things out. Harry knows that she came back from her trip with Gustave a week ago. And Rachel was at Ron and Tessa's when Hermione fetched her for them to spend a few days together.
He glances at Ron. This was yesterday. And Harry's trying to keep his curiosity on check, but it's eating him. He needs to ask, he needs to know if-
"Ron." His friend turns to look at him. Draco frowns and turns the volume of the game down. They're both looking at him now. "I-" Harry sighs. "How was Hermione?"
Ron tilts his head, taking a sip on his beer. "She was… strange." He says slowly.
"She's been acting strange, hasn't she?" Draco asks, making a face. "I mean, Gustave too."
Ron points at Draco. "Yes. The last few times I talked to him he was kind of… rude."
"Rude?" Harry asks. "In what sense?"
"Impatient." Draco says for Ron. They agree on the point.
Harry purses his lips, thinking. "I- we got stuck in a shop on that night when we celebrated her birthday." He says slowly, watching their reactions. Ron opens his mouth, surprised. Draco widens his eyes. "It was…" He opens a small smile, "perfect."
He can't find a better word to describe it. It felt so good to be close to her again. So nice to share. Amazing to touch her, feel her warmth.
"Did you kiss?" Ron asks, clearly more excited than he should be. Draco also has a huge smile on his face.
Harry shakes his head and they both make faces. "She's married, come on. It's not like that." His voice is low and he's looking down now, at his hands, "But something is off. She told me so."
"What is it?" Draco asks.
"I don't know. I'm not sure she knows either. She said she's figuring it out."
Ron lets out a sound through his mouth. "If she stops denying her emotions maybe she can figure it out." He mumbles and Harry looks at him.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, please, Harry. Hermione suffocates her emotions by working her ass off. You know that. And sometimes, when she can't work, she flees to wherever." Harry gulps. Yeah. She does that. "Why do you think she loves traveling around? That way she doesn't have to think about what she's actually doing."
Harry runs a hand through his hair. He agrees with everything Ron is saying.
"Maybe it's not like that-" He tries to defend her in a way, but Ron cuts him.
"I saw her do the same thing when she was spiraling because of you and Tess." His voice comes out strange. They never really talked about that time. About the way Ron and Hermione reconnected and how it was for her in Paris when Harry and Tessa got back together.
"Yeah?" Harry prods.
Ron gulps. "She was devastated, mate." He says in a low voice. "When we first started to talk again she couldn't even mention you and Rachel. I mean, it was so hard for her to deal with everything. It- she used to work insane shifts. There were times that I had to drag her out of the house so she could have some fun." Harry raises an eyebrow. He didn't know. "And well, I was a jerk for suggesting that we should pretend to be a couple, but, mate, she was so incredibly sad because you and Tessa were together." Ron shakes his head. "I mean, Rachel was the one who told her-"
"I know." Harry cuts him, whispering. He's not proud of that. He could have had a conversation with Hermione about it. He could have told her what he was really feeling… that he was with Tessa because she wasn't there, because he thought she had everything figured out in Paris, that she didn't need or wanted him anymore. And then it was all because of Rach.
"She eventually moved on, but I think it took longer than it seems. And well, maybe her reasons for marrying Gustave weren't the… right ones."
Harry closes his eyes at Ron's words. That night when she told him about her marriage… she kissed him back. She wanted to be with him. But he knows Hermione. He knew she was not going to divorce her husband. Not like that. Not with the way things unfolded.
There's a small silence between them. Draco keeps glancing at the game, but the Seekers are nowhere near the Snitch, so, he turns to Harry again.
"Mate, what are you saying?" Draco asks bluntly. "I mean, do you want her back? Are you going to fight for her?"
Harry lowers his head. "I don't know. I- since she told me she was married I closed this door. I really did my best to forget about her. And I mean, she was happy with Gustave. We could see it." They nod, agreeing. "And time went by so fast, these years were like a blink. With the restaurant and everything, I focused on other things, but-" He stops, sighing. "I can't stop thinking that we should be together. That we fucking belong together."
Ron and Draco share a look. Harry sips on his beer.
"Go for it, mate." Ron says in a low voice. "Fight for her."
Harry feels his heart beating faster. "Does she even want me to do that?" It's a honest question. He has no idea if this is what Hermione really wants. Then, he lowers his head. "She didn't fight for me when I was with Tessa-"
"Because in her head it was a lost battle." Ron says fast. "Hermione convinced herself that you and Tessa were destined to be together. And she wasn't going to break a family apart, Harry. Rachel is a huge part in all of this. Hermione wanted the best for her and if Rachel had her parents with her, then what were Hermione's feelings compared to that?"
"Oh, come on!" Draco yells at the game and their attention shifts for a moment.
The Seekers are flying shoulder to shoulder after the Snitch. They stop the conversation to watch it. Draco is already on his feet, moving as if he's the one on the broom. And when the Seeker they were rooting against catches the Snitch, Draco curses with every nasty word he can think of. Ron and Harry share a laugh.
They keep watching the rest of the transmission and talking about Draco's team chances now. It doesn't look that good for them, but if Draco fulfills his part in catching the Snitch on the next game they can go to the top of the competition.
Only later, when Harry is already cleaning up the living room, Draco pats his shoulder and says, "Mate, talk to her." He's serious.
"Yes, Harry, do it. Tell her everything."
Harry exhales heavily. "I already did. I- she chose Gustave." He shakes his head. "What if she chooses him again?" He hates this notion. This possibility. "They're married." He states as if this is enough to end the conversation.
Ron crosses his arms. "Think a little more about it. Be sure. If she chooses Gustave again, then let it go, for good, mate. Marry Jessica or something, I don't know."
They chuckle.
"Yeah, what about Jessica?" Draco asks. "She's hot."
Ron punches Draco's shoulder. "You're married to my sister, you bloody idiot."
"Oh, spare me, Ronald, I have eyes. We all think Jessica is hot! And Ginny talks about gits she finds hot all the time!" Draco points a finger at Ron and Harry watches while they banter like children.
His mind wanders, though. His emotions are a bit all over the place, but he can't help agreeing with his friends. He needs to think about this.
October 22nd, 2007
"Oh, this is truly amazing." Ginny mumbles and Hermione chuckles. "Thank you, I really needed this."
"Me too." Tessa says on her other side, sighing happily.
Hermione got them a full day on a magical spa. She felt like she was about to faint from sheer exhaustion. Her mind was shutting down on its own. And she almost screwed up on a surgery. It was the breaking point. Then, she had a fight with Gustave because of it. He keeps pressuring her - in many ways. But he mostly wants her to take at least a month off. But she's not going to do that. No way.
So, one day on a magical spa was the best she could bring herself to do at the moment. It was easy to convince Ginny and Tessa. They accepted in a blink.
Hermione also sighs, trying to relax and clear her mind.
They're in a gigantic room filled with relaxing salts in the air. Each inside a bathtub with eye masks. They already got a massage and now, they're soaking in the water, gladly turning into prunes.
"So, Mi," Tessa begins, clearing her throat, "Since it's only us, the girls, are you going to share what's the problem with you and Gustave?"
"Oh, please do." Ginny says. "I need a good gossip. I have a toddler at home and I'm about to burst with another one."
Hermione snorts at Ginny's words. Indeed, she's close to the ninth month, but her Healer gaze tells her that Ginny might deliver her second child a bit sooner than expected. The due date is in a bit more than a week.
"I-" She begins, exhaling heavily, "I don't know what to say."
Her heart trashes inside her. Since she spent that night with Harry, she feels like she's going crazy. He's the first thing she thinks in the morning. And the last thing on her mind when she goes to bed. It feels like when they first realized they might feel something more for each other. He's consuming her. And she still doesn't know how to deal with this. What to do with this.
It's been a while since she last felt this way. This strongly.
Not to mention the way she shuts down when she gets home and meets Gustave - who always has a smile on his face to greet her. His smile annoys her. Because things are not fine. And he keeps pretending that they are. But they barely talk. It's been a long time since they last had sex. And they argue a lot more now. She knows it's because she can't stop thinking about Harry.
"You do know. You just don't want to say it out loud." Tessa says. "Don't fool me, Hermione. I've known you since we're babies."
She makes a face at Tessa's remark.
"Indeed, Tess." Ginny agrees. "She's in the denial phase." Tessa agrees.
"Hey, I'm right here!" Hermione exclaims. "And I'm not in denial-"
"You are." Tessa says more firmly. "You've been in denial for years."
Hermione opens her mouth, shocked. "That's not-"
"See?" Ginny cuts her. "She's denying it."
Tessa snorts.
Hermione grunts. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked you two to tag along."
They laugh. And she smiles. It's so good to be with them.
"Come on, Hermione, open your heart to us. I swear I won't tell Draco."
"Yeah, I won't tell Ron either. I promise."
"I-" She gulps, shutting her mouth. It- she has so much inside her, so much that- "I'm-" She keeps stuttering. Ginny and Tessa are waiting. Hermione finally sighs and decides. She needs to get this out of her chest. "I can't stop thinking about Harry." There. It's out there. They don't react and she continues, "It's been close to a year since I started questioning all my life choices and this is driving me crazy. I- nothing actually happened between me and Gustave. Things are theoretically the same. But I'm not- I-"
"You don't love him." Tessa states.
The silence is a bit oppressing. And it crosses her mind that she was supposed to be relaxing here. But she's tense.
"It's not like that-" She begins.
"Are you sure?" Ginny asks. "Because you just said you can't stop thinking about Harry. And we know what that means."
"The question is," Tessa says before she can answer Ginny, "did you ever stop thinking about Harry?"
She feels cold inside. It's hard to admit this even to herself. And this conversation makes her anxious.
"I- this is not-" Her heart is beating so fast now. She can't stop remembering the way Harry looked at her when they were sharing that bed inside the shop. And her heart squeezes. It's hard to breathe. Hermione sits a bit more straighter on the bathtub and takes off her eye mask.
"Mi? Are you okay?" Tessa also sits, taking off her eye mask. Ginny does the same.
Hermione is crying. She's crying so fucking hard that it's exasperating. It's like she's falling into an abyss. Like this will never end. The void she's been living with for a year is getting wider and wider inside her.
They help her out of the tub and Ginny acts fast, magically dressing them with bathrobes. Slowly they sit down on the huge sofa inside the room. Hermione holds her head with both hands, trying to calm down. Tessa and Ginny are flanking her, both holding her in support.
"I made the wrong choice." She finally says when she finds her voice. It's like there's something cutting her open. "I-" She keeps crying. Desperate.
"Mi." Tessa's voice is gentle. "It's fine."
"It's not!" She sobs. "I- I never stopped loving Harry and I fooled myself, I- I fucking married another man-"
She's shaking. This is too much. It- She's been denying the truth, her own feelings for so long that now she has no idea what to do with her emotions. Of course she never stopped loving Harry. But she tucked it away. She had to if she wanted to keep going while he was with Tessa-
"Hermione." Ginny says her name, also gently. "There's nothing wrong with what you did. You moved on with your life. You married Gustave but that doesn't mean you have to truly grow old with him and stuff. It's not like you lost your only chance." She can hear the obvious in Ginny's tone.
She closes her eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply, trying to calm herself.
"Mi, we're here for you. It's fine. It's all going to be fine."
Hermione hugs both tightly. "Thank you so much for this." She whispers, feeling strange. "I- I don't know what to do right now. I mean, Gustave-" She stops, sighing. "He was there." She whispers. "When I felt lost and-"
"Yeah, okay." Tessa cuts her, impatient, "He was there, but everything was different. And you don't owe him this for the rest of your life, Mi. He was aware of everything that came with you when he married you."
"Shit." She whispers, confused. "I don't know what to do. I- my marriage is not a big failure, far from it." She closes her eyes, "But I don't think I can keep going like this. Everything is crumbling down. Everything." She brushes some tears away. "And- years ago, Harry- we- I chose Gustave. I broke Harry's heart and I'm not even sure if he still-"
"He does." Tessa says. "He does, Mi. He always did."
Hermione sobs.
"Yeah, I'm with Tess on this one. It was always you."
She inhales deeply and what Rachel said on Fred's birth about the smart girl and the boy with glasses loving each other crosses her mind. It was always them. And deep down she knew. Since that Triwizard Tournament. Since she couldn't sleep at night thinking that Harry might die. Thinking that she might lose him. It used to consume her. And the way she felt when she realized that he was infatuated with Cho Chang was not a nice emotion. Hermione couldn't understand it fully at the time. Not to mention all her drama with Ron. But on the fifth year she was sure of it. That maybe she felt something different for Harry. Something deep. So deep that she couldn't label it. Or put into words. She used to think about kissing him. But she also thought about kissing other boys at that age. But with him it felt different. Precious.
But… Cho Chang was there. And then Ginny.
And Tessa.
She purses her lips. She was fine in being his best friend. But when they opened the dam, when they kissed… it all changed. Forever. They're not the same anymore because they simply can't. The desire to be together is always going to be over their heads, over their hearts. They can't stay alone because they know they'll cross a line.
"Maybe you should talk to Gustave." Ginny says.
Hermione blinks a few times. She feels calmer now. Centered. Ginny is right. She needs to talk with Gustave. But it's not going to be easy. Nothing about this is going to be easy.
Tessa squeezes her hand. "Mi, stop running away." Her voice is low. Hermione looks at her cousin. "You know what you have to do. You know what is going to send away this terrible feeling inside you." Tessa smiles at her.
Hermione sighs heavily. "You're right. I do know."
And she squeezes both their hands. Sharing a few smiles, they begin to talk about other things. Hermione feels a huge weight leaving her chest. It's like she's coming back to herself, as if she was watching her life from the sidelines.
Hermione climbs the stairs to her flat. She decided to walk back home. She had to think and breathe a little before meeting Gustave. She knows he's not going to take this well. Their marriage can surely be considered a success. In both the personal and professional fields.
But he's not Harry. And it all comes down to this, doesn't it?
Because she married him to run away. To run away from her own feelings.
She opens the door, preparing herself for what she's about to do. She knows he's home because his shift ends earlier on Wednesdays. And indeed. He's at the kitchen when she enters the living room.
"Mon coeur! How was it?" He speaks loudly for her to hear him.
Hermione takes off her coat and supports herself on the couch. Shit. When she married him she thought Harry and Tessa would grow old together. She thought there was no way for her to be part of Harry's life the way she wanted to. And then, when she came back married to Gustave, it- she was in denial. Denial that after more than a year trying to forget Harry she hadn't been able to. That she wanted to be with him. That she would divorce her husband in a blink if he asked her to. And the notion scared her shitless. The immensity of her love for Harry scared her.
Gustave comes into the living room. He's holding a plate. "I bought you some croissants." He winks at her. And it annoys her. That he keeps pretending that everything is perfect. He frowns. "What's wrong?"
"Gus, we need to talk." Her voice is barely there.
He turns serious. His muscles tensing. Gustave magically gets rid of the croissants and crosses his arms.
"Yeah, I think we need to talk." He says, squinting. "I- there's something I want to say to you." She tilts her head, waiting. "I think it's time for us to talk about children."
She widens her eyes. Oh, the timing. But in a way she's glad he's bringing this up only now. Because maybe two years ago she would have thought this the best idea ever. She wants to have children. Of course. But she can only imagine them with green emerald eyes. In her head none of them are blond.
"Children?" She asks in a clipped tone.
"Yes. We've been married for three years. Don't you think it's time? I mean, yeah, it might slow your career down a bit, but this is something we both want, right? And maybe we should get a bigger place-"
"I want the divorce." She blurts out.
He stops. It's like he's frozen. Her heart is pounding inside her chest. And she can see the emotions going through Gustave's face. Surprise. Disbelief. Sadness. Anger.
"A divorce?" He asks through his teeth. "What the hell are you talking about, Hermione?"
She wets her lips. "I- This is not working anymore. You know that."
He snorts, shaking his head. "Oh, I must be a terrible jerk, then-"
"This is not about you." She says fast. "You're-"
"Don't you dare." He says in a low voice. Hermione shuts her mouth. "After everything." He points a finger at her, "Do you remember when we met? How fucking broken you were because of your precious Harry?!" He yells. "Is this about him?" He squints. "Don't lie to me!"
She bites on her lower lip. This is not exclusively about Harry. It's about the way she was weak. How she clung to Gustave because she was broken. How she accepted his proposal because she kept thinking that Harry didn't want her. That he had chosen Tessa.
"I don't love you anymore." She says in an even tone. "I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I never did."
"You can't be serious, Hermione. What's wrong with our lives? What more do you want? What else can I fucking do to show you that I love you?! That I want to be with you?"
She begins to cry. "I- I'm so sorry."
"Merde!" He yells. "Don't apologize! Give me solutions! What can I do? What-"
"There's nothing you can do!" She says a bit louder, shaking her head and brushing her tears. "I'm so fucking sorry, but I can't do this anymore! My heart belongs to someone else!"
Gustave's face scrunches. "The man that chose to be with your cousin? The one that broke up with you-"
"I know the story, Gustave." She says sharply.
"Are you seriously going to throw away what we have to go after that idiot that's going to fall in love with someone else to ditch you after? He wasn't man enough to choose you before, why do you think now it's going to be different?"
She snorts. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"Potter is ridiculous, Hermione. You shouldn't-"
"Don't talk about him!" She says through her teeth. "Things are way more complex than you think."
He shakes his head. "You're fooling yourself. This." He motions between them. "This life in Paris was everything you wanted and now what? It's not good enough? Do you think that going back to London to work at St. Mungo's and be treated poorly is what you want? You think Potter can give you the love I wasn't able to? You've already done that, Hermione! Have you considered the possibility that maybe you're the problem?" She gulps. "Maybe you are the one that's never going to be-"
He stops because there's an owl frantically tapping their window. Hermione frowns. It's the one she gave her parents in case of an emergency-
In a breath she's opening the window and fetching the small note. It's from her mother. She urges Hermione to go there.
Not minding Gustave, she apparates immediately.
And the scene she meets inside their place is staggering. Her mother is crying on the floor, holding her father - who's lying there.
"Hermione!" Her mother is crying. "I don't know what happened!"
She moves in a blink. Gustave apparates inside. Hermione goes to her parents, crouching and trying to control the way she's shaking. Her mother is not making sense and her father-
Hermione checks for a pulse. And she can't believe what's happening. Gustave steers her mother away and Hermione takes out her wand, gulping, trembling, crying. She uses a spell to check what's wrong. Immediately she understands that her father had a heart attack.
"No." She says in a lament. And Hermione desperately begins to perform spells, trying to bring him back, trying to reverse this in any way. She faintly hears Gustave asking her mother what happened. For how long he's been down on the floor and such- Hermione stops listening. She tries shocking his heart back. Nothing. She tries again. Nothing.
She tosses her wand aside.
And Hermione begins to reanimate him manually, doing her best, the tears blurring her vision.
"DAD! COME ON!" She yells.
Her mother is wailing. And Gustave moves to help her, his wand there, shocking her father's heart. Hermione is aware that nothing is working. But she doesn't care. She doesn't care.
The moment is infinite.
Painful.
And she only stops when Gustave's hands covers hers. They share a look.
"It's too late, Hermione." He whispers. She purses her lips. Her arms are aching from her effort in trying to reanimate him.
She knows he's right.
And she cries more, shaking her head, crumbling down, breaking inside.
Hermione leans to her father, the pain in her heart is foreigner. She never felt something close to this. To this kind of grief.
Her mother comes to her and they stay there in an embrace, numb.
October 23rd, 2007
They're at Ginny and Draco's when a patronus invades the house. They all stop talking and Harry recognizes Gustave's patronus. He immediately tenses.
"I'm afraid I don't have good news. Hermione's father died last night. The funeral is happening later today. I hope you can all be here for her."
Harry stops breathing.
"What!?" Tessa exclaims, totally shocked.
Harry stands from his chair. And he doesn't wait any other kind of reaction. He apparates.
He's inside magical Paris in a blink. And he runs to her building. He's not thinking. His mind is a blank. So much that he forgets that he can apparate inside-
He does it and meets the silence in her place.
"Hermione!" He calls to her, walking to the room, not minding-
"What the fuck are you doing here?" It's Gustave. He's coming from the kitchen. Harry turns around to face him. "Who do you think you are, Potter?" Harry purses his lips. He doesn't care about Gustave. Not now.
"Where is she?"
Gustave snorts. "She's with her mother." He says, not actually revealing to Harry where she is. "If you wanna see her, you can see her at the funeral. Like everyone else." Gustave moves a step closer, narrowing his eyes at Harry.
"Stop being a jerk." Harry snaps. "I-"
"Shut up!" Gustave says in a low voice. "You're in my flat. I'm her husband. You're nothing but a friend to her, Potter. Or do you think you're going to storm inside our place and take her in your arms and what?" Harry inhales deeply. "She doesn't need you. I'm here. I've been here for four years." He shows Harry four fingers, a nasty look on his face. "It's not my fault that you were an idiot that let her go. But don't try to be the hero now. Haven't you done enough? Haven't you put her through enough?" Gustave is furious. "And now that she's fragile you're here, why? You only make her suffer!" Harry gulps. "She chose me. The sooner you understand this, the better for you."
Harry sets his jaw, he's so fucking angry. And hurt by Gustave's words.
"I just wanna see her." He says slowly, trying to keep his anger in check.
"And you will. Later. With everyone else." Gustave sighs. "Now, you should leave."
"You can't do this. You can't keep me away from her!"
Gustave shrugs. "I think you're giving yourself too much importance. You may be Harry Potter, but I'm the one who's going to be her children's father. I'm the one who matters to her."
Harry widens his eyes, a bit surprised. Children? He thought this was not on their plans for now, at least Hermione said so-
"What? Didn't she tell you we're trying?" Gustave tilts his head. "See? You don't matter." He waves a hand, dismissing Harry. "The funeral starts at 4pm." Gustave comes closer to Harry, shoving a paper with an address on his chest. "You lost." He says in a low voice and enters their room.
Harry stays there for a second, frozen. Gustave's words sound so much like what Ned said to him one time. That he was standing in Hermione's way. Stopping her from what she truly wanted. And he can't help wondering if Gustave is right. If he's nothing but a burden in her life. The man is not wrong. He's the husband. He's the one Hermione wants.
Inhaling deeply, he apparates out of the flat.
She's completely numb. There's nothing going through her mind. Hermione doesn't even know what's happening around her. But she keeps her arms around her mother. Both have no strength to eat or move. They decided to do this fast. They don't need to wait to bury her father. The situation is not going to change. He's gone. So, they stay there while many friends from her parents come to say their goodbyes. She sees their faces and hears their voices, but it all feels like a dream. Like a nightmare.
Gustave said he would take care of everything. And he did. He talked to the Hôpital. He solved things regarding the funeral. He told everyone that needed to know. And she's insanely grateful.
Minutes ago he arrived and sat down by her side, his hand squeezing hers. And Hermione stood there, staring at nothing. Thinking of nothing. No- not nothing. She can't stop remembering the many moments she shared with her father. She remembers his warmth and gentle laugh. The way he would hold her in his arms and read to her. How he taught her how to brush her teeth. How he taught her how to ride a bike. How he would talk to her and give some of the best advices she ever received.
And what keeps coming back to her incessantly is the day she met him on the street when she came back to restore their memories. His handshake and smile. How it seemed that he knew her, how his heart knew her even if his mind couldn't remember her.
"Do you need anything?" Gustave asks in a low voice, leaning to her.
Hermione turns her head to look at him. She can't stop crying. The tears won't stop coming. And she's not trying to hold them back either. It keeps hammering her head that she was too late. Too late to save her father.
"I'm okay." She whispers to him, closing her eyes for a brief moment. The hole inside her chest is-
"Mi."
She looks up, Tessa is there. And Ron. Hermione inhales shakily, finally standing from the chair she's been glued to for hours. She hugs Tessa first. And they both crumble down. It's a tight embrace. They don't say a word. Hermione thinks she really can't right now. She can't even function properly.
And just behind Tessa she can see Draco and Ginny.
Her eyes search the place fast. She's looking for Harry. Where is he? It- everything she needs right now is him. Only him. She- She knows she didn't send him a patronus but her mind was-
Ron, Draco and Ginny hug her after Tessa. They all squeeze her tightly. For minutes. And she does feel better because of it.
"I left Rach with my mother." Ron says. "I don't think she-"
"You're right." Hermione agrees. She'll talk to Rach later. The little girl doesn't need to be here right now. "Where's Harry?" She asks Ron, her eyes again searching for him.
Ron frowns, looking around too. Tessa and the others also start looking for him.
"Well, that's strange. He came before anyone else. He should be here by now." Ron states.
Hermione opens her mouth, but her mother's loud cry catches her attention. She's talking to close friends, shaking her head, completely broken. Hermione gulps.
"Check if Harry's okay." She says to Ron. "I need to be with my mother." Her voice is so thin. She fears she might not be able to speak on the next day.
Ron nods and Hermione goes to her mother. And fast enough her mind is taken by the memories of her father.
She's the only one there. Gustave asked if she wanted him to stay, but she said no. She wants to be alone. Hermione gave a strong sleeping potion to her mother and made sure that she was tucked in her bed before she came to the cemetery.
And as she stands in front of her father's resting place, her mind continues to be a blank. It's so odd to imagine that she's not going to see him again. That they're not going to share another conversation. This cuts deep inside her. She feels guilty. She's a Healer. She should have saved him. She should have done more.
Hermione closes her eyes, one of her hands covering her face while she cries.
"I'm so sorry, dad." She whispers, sobbing.
This is terrible. She hates the reality of life. The course of life. That's why she does her best to prevent it-
A hand squeezes her shoulder and she immediately knows who is it. She's hurt that he arrived so late. But regardless anything, he's there. She leans to his frame. Harry is standing by her side and he puts one arm around her in a protective way. Hermione feels safe. She feels like going through this is not impossible with him there. And both her arms close around his waist, her face buried on the crook of his neck.
Hermione cries with abandon.
Harry squeezes her in his arms, inhaling deeply and kissing her temple.
"I'm here." He says in a low voice.
She has no words. For the first time since last night she's feeling grounded. In his arms the heaviness of it seems lighter. She has no idea how long they stay there in silence. Harry keeps caressing her hair, brushing her tears away, kissing her temple.
And it's everything. Fucking everything.
She doesn't want to move. She wants to stay there forever. She wants to be with him forever.
"I'm so sorry." He says after what feels like a hour.
She sniffs, shaking her head a bit, kissing his neck. Both sigh.
"Where were you?" Her voice cracks.
It takes several minutes for him to answer.
"I was with you the entire time. Under the Cloak."
Hermione frowns. And then, with some effort, she moves from his arms to properly look at him.
"Why?"
She can see some strange emotion in his eyes. He looks beaten and sad. Her hand cups his cheek and he opens a sad smile.
Harry shrugs. "I don't know. I wasn't sure if… if you wanted me here."
"Of course I wanted you here, Harry." She whispers. "Of course I did." And she sobs, unable to stop her tears. "I- I wasn't fast enough to save him-"
He immediately pulls her to his arms again, squeezing. "This is not your fault. I don't have a doubt in my mind that you did everything you possibly could."
She knows he's right, but even so it's hard to accept that her father died. She's exhausted. Exhausted of this day. This eternal bloody day.
"Take me out of here, Harry." She whispers.
He doesn't ask her what she wants. He knows. And Hermione closes her eyes when he apparates both.
When she opens them, she's at his place. She loves the house. It feels familiar. It smells like Harry. They don't say a word and with his hand on hers, Harry takes her to the bedroom. Using magic he dresses her with one of his t-shirts and, still dressed, he lies down with her on the bed, his arms around her, shielding her, keeping her safe.
Hermione closes her eyes and after two minutes, she's sleeping.
He watches her while she sleeps. She looks broken. Fragile. He can tell it's not a peaceful or restorative sleep. He can see the way she makes faces as if in pain. But he keeps his arms around her. He keeps trying to soothe her. As her friend, he decided that he's going to do everything he can to make her feel better.
The same way she did all those years ago.
Hermione was probably the one that understood him better when it came to his parents. She was there at the cemetery that night. She saw his pain. She knew that maybe she would never have her parents again either. She made a huge sacrifice because of that War. To be by his side.
Harry brushes some tears from his own eyes, still holding her close.
He can't stop thinking about what Gustave said. That she chose him. That she wants to have children with him. But Harry is not ready to accept this. Even if it's true. Even if this is it, he's going to try again. He needs to. Because reality is that she's sleeping in his arms now. Not in Gustave's.
Kissing her temple he closes his eyes. He knows Hermione needs time now. He doesn't want her to make any decision in this moment. It- she'll want to be there with her mother. She'll want to be alone more. He knows her. He's not going to push anything, but he'll do his best to be by her side and show her all his support.
That's the only thing that matters.
She opens her eyes in one go. It's sunny inside the room. And she has no doubt of where she is. She would recognize him even if she lost all senses. Her heart would do it for her. She's in his arms and Harry is sleeping. Hermione inhales deeply, kissing his chest and squeezing him. She doesn't think she'll ever be able to thank him for yesterday.
Hermione would stay, but she wants to be with her mother. She needs to see how she is. Needs to be sure that she's supporting her mother properly. It won't be easy going through this.
Not to mention the headache that's making it impossible for her to think. She needs to take a potion and go to the Hôpital. Even if Gustave talked with the Head about her situation, maybe being with her patients is the best she can do at this moment.
So, against her will, she disentangles herself from Harry. He doesn't wake up. She magically dresses back into the black dress she was wearing yesterday, his t-shirt in her hand. Hermione nuzzles it, her heart beating strongly because of his smell. It's very primal in her. How secure she feels with him.
She leaves the t-shirt on the bed and goes down the stairs. She's famished and there's no way she's going to waste an opportunity to eat something Harry cooked.
It's not hard to make herself comfortable in his kitchen. She moves naturally, knowing where things are. Hermione sits alone on a stool and eats in silence. Her father invades her mind and she cries discreetly. She wants to see Rachel. The girl is probably at Ron and Tessa's now. Later.
Yes, she needs to go back to Paris to put things in order. It's not like she forgot the conversation she was having with Gustave when that owl interrupted them. This hasn't changed. She wants the divorce.
Sighing, Hermione conjures a piece of paper and a pen. With a shadow of a smile on her face she writes down a message to Harry:
Thank you so much for yesterday.
I need to go back to Paris, but I hope to see you soon.
She raises an eyebrow, pondering if she should write another three words that are burning inside her-
An apparition stops her thoughts. Jessica is coming to the kitchen, holding some bags. She frowns when she sees Hermione there.
"Oh. Hi!" Jessica opens a big smile. "Are you okay? Had no idea you were here!" She looks around. "Is Harry home? We're going on a small romantic trip this weekend." The woman winks at Hermione.
Inhaling deeply, Hermione tries to ignore the pain in her chest. She looks at her little note and leaves it there, under a plate. Gustave's words hit her like a train. All her insecurities come back in one big wave, drowning her. Maybe Harry loves Jessica. It-
"I-" She stutters. "Hey, Jessica." Hermione doesn't try to open a smile, she really can't right now. "I was just leaving. Harry is sleeping."
Jessica makes a face, frowning. "Okay. I- why are you crying? Is everything alright?"
Hermione stands from the stool and looks down. "I- I buried my father yesterday." She whispers.
"Oh! Hermione! I'm so sorry!" And to her surprise Jessica hugs her tightly. Hermione accepts the gesture. And it cuts her deep even more. This woman is nice. It- she likes Harry. And the few times Hermione saw them together, she was sure that Harry liked her back.
Maybe Gustave is right.
Maybe she has no business in messing with Harry's life. Hasn't she done enough already?
She thanks Jessica and squeezes her back in the hug.
Right after, she leaves.
Back to Paris.