Majo Kon-ki The Marriage of Tanya the Witch
(The marriage chronicles of a witch)
Arc 5 - Order of the Phoenix – part 5
August, AD 1995, Grimmauld Place in the Borough of Islington, London.
"I can't believe they want to separate us!" Harry had been whining incessantly ever since he was informed of their sudden hearing.
Tanya, on her part, was about to explode in happiness at the good news until…
'If I understood Dumbledore's theories correctly, should your relationship suffer any form of disruption it could mean your DEATH!' … Professor Snape reminded her why she was married in the first place.
Still, this was too good an opportunity to let pass. After finishing her dinner, she hurried to her room and delved into 'Herpo the fool's memories'. Despite knowing it was a long shot, she hoped to find a cure that night and break free from Harry by the next day. Regrettably, her hopes were dashed.
"Forget a cure, how did Dumbledore recreate the ritual with so few hints to use in the first place?!" Tanya closed the book with a heavy heart. It seemed she would be Mrs Potter for a while longer…
"… and where is Professor Dumbledore?! He should be here to help us!"
"McGonagall did mention he has been scarcely seen these days. Not even in the meetings of the Order does he show up anymore." His absence worried her; she knew her old headmaster was too much of a compulsive stuck-up meddler to just vanish.
"Let's try to contact him tomorrow." She gestured for them to sleep.
"We need to ask him to let me into the Order, too!" She sighed being reminded of the bunch of amateurs called Order of the Phoenix.
"Then again, what can one expect from people working for free?" It was her dearest wish they could provide some decent intelligence at least.
"In any case, eventually wewill need efficient soldiers, something similar to… arapid-response unit."
"Wish I could have some of my men here with me…"
"Huh?! What is this talk about wanting other men?! Are you thinking about your ex-boyfriend?!"
"Eh?! I was talking about the soldiers I led in my other life!"
"… are you saying that you were attracted to one of them?!"
She was about to say no when Visha popped in her head.
"Ah?!" Her hesitation had her overly jealous husband assume the worst.
"Let me show that I am the only one you need, my love!"
"H-Harry, I… Ahhh!" And as always, her mind was fogged by his caresses and kisses.
"I can be your soldier… knight… and lover- OUCH!" Seeing Harry roll off her holding his groin left Tanya puzzled until she remembered his punishment for daring to play her as a sex toy.
"Hehehe! Sorry, my 'cage' is so small your 'falcon' can't fly too high!"
"Come on Tanya, take this off! You have no idea what I have to do to use the loo!"
"It depends, have you learned your lesson?" Harry let out a grunt of surrender.
"I admit, I let my love for you run wild! Like you said, I turned into a beast!"
"And…?"
"Ugh! I will try to hold back my impulses in the future!"
"Elaborate!"
"Err, how about we limit doing it to ten times a day?"
"… once a week."
"GAH! This would kill me! H-how about nine…" It initiated a lengthy debate with both sides refusing to yield. A long time went by until Tanya was defeated by exhaustion.
"Okay, you win! Once a day!"
"Starting tomorrow?"
"Starting right this instant!" Meaning he couldn't touch her anymore today.
"Got it! No more lovemaking today. So…?"
She took her wand and with a bolt, the 'chastity pants' vanished in a puff of smoke.
"There you go, now… Yawn! Let's sleep-"
"Five." Strangely, Harry fixed his gaze upwards and said a number, harboring a face full of anticipation.
"Four."
"What are you doing? Counting sheep?"
"Three."
"Harry?"
"Two."
"Care to talk to me?"
"One… zero!"
Tanya heard a bell, looking up she was reminded of the clock over their bed.
"You were counting down the seconds until midnight? Why- d-don't tell me…!"
"Tanya, let's make love!"
"Thought as much!" They had agreed to limit it to a single session per day, and, unfortunately for her, a new day had just begun.
"You tricked me, you little fucker!"
"Can't this wait until tomorrow?!"
"You promised all I had to do was ask!" More than ever, she wanted to beat the shit out of that grinning face of his.
"I… I- Fine! Have it your way!"
Still grinning like a fool, he began to undress her.
"H-hey, I can take off my own clothes!"
"I consider this part of the fun!"
"D-don't forget we have that damn hearing tomorrow!"
"I am a man of my word, we are doing it only once!"
By morning, Tanya ate breakfast while fighting off her drowsiness.
"'Only once'?! I lost count of how many rounds we had!" And when she complained about it, he argued that technically, multiple rounds still constituted a single session.
"It's kinda funny how he shows some wit just through such insignificant things!" The idea of putting the chastity belt back on him crossed her mind, but it didn't have any effect on his behavior. In fact, it merely spurred him to approach her with more intensity.
"How the heck can we attend a hearing having both of us- eh?!" She took a peek at Harry eating at her side, he was happily chomping down his food and sounding completely energized.
"I can't believe it! For two nights straight, all we did was fuck our brains out! He should be as exhausted as me!" The enhancement of his mana shouldn't be acting as he has to transfer most of it to her.
"Tanya dear, have you finished? In this case, here, have some more!" Instead of taking her plate, Mrs Weasley placed an extra serving.
"Giggle! You can have more later if you want, sweetheart. After all… you are spending lots of energy!" Blushing furiously, the old woman retreated to the kitchen as a loud burst of laughter echoed.
"Did anyone understand what that was about?" Tanya looked around the table and finally perceived the awkward silence.
Harry was in his own world; Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Sirius, Lupin, and Mr Weasley, were all avoiding her gaze. The pink-haired woman, Tonks, was dozing off in front of her plate. Meanwhile, Fred, George, and Luna were struggling to suppress their laughter, exactly like Mrs. Weasley had.
"What is going on here?" Almost everyone flinched.
"Someone has to tell them…" Remus Lupin broke the silence.
"Hermione, if you please?"
"P-professor?! Why me?!"
"Well, because a bright and brave witch is the most suited for this task!"
"… and I reckon she'll be more forgiving if a friend tells her." Sirius added.
"If you two believe that, then you clearly don't know Tanya at all!" Reluctantly, Hermione got up and addressed the couple.
"Tanya, Harry… there are some, er, magics that are a must in… in-" The bushy-haired girl covered her face in apparent embarrassment.
"What I am trying to say is… is- Ron has something to tell you!"
"M-me?! Cough! Cough!" While Ron choked on his food, Hermione quickly returned to her seat.
"Wow!" Fred exclaimed.
"This is going to be good!" George completed.
"S-she won't kill him, right?" Mr Weasley tried to keep this question a murmur.
"Don't worry, Ron is sturdier than the rest of us!" Was Hermione's reply.
"Alright! I don't care who it is! Someone tell me what is going on!" Tanya, her patience having run out, went straight to Ron.
"W-why does it have to be me-"
"Because I am ordering you!"
Ron began to sweat profusely. Many times, he opened his mouth and gave up at the end until…
"C-c-can you c-c-cast the Imperturbable Charm?!"
"Huh?" This wasn't what she was expecting to hear.
"Yes, I do."
"T-t-try to not forget to cast it before making, cough, noise!"
"Noise? What do you mean by noise?! You are not implying that I snore, do you?!"
"What?! No! It's just… those walls are thin!"
"The walls are thin? Cast the Imperturbable Charm in my room?" Tanya was further puzzled.
"What noise could have come from that room last night for you all to be so- !" Realization struck her like a ton of bricks.
"N-nothing! As long as no one acknowledges it, nothing happened!" All present seemed to align with this idea, unfortunately, one was enough to undermine the truce.
"I don't get it. Why do we need to cast a spell in our room?" Tanya was about to tell Harry to knock it off when Luna stepped in.
"Everyone is embarrassed because we all heard Tanya's love moans last night."
"E-eh?! Really?!"
"Yup! And forget about the charm! You don't need to be ashamed of your love!" She got up and patted Harry's back.
"I am so proud of you! Keep the good work going until we get some puppies!"
"D-don't you dare encourage him!" Tanya shouted while creating by herself a new brand shade of red.
"Tanya is right, Luna." Mr Weasley went to her defense.
"Harry, while it's perfectly normal to be so 'enthusiastic' at the beginning of the marriage, try to not expose your intimacy so blatantly. Learn the spell."
"I will teach him later." Hermione assured.
"And Tanya, don't you ever forget your potion. Or, if last night was any example, you two may end up with more children than me and Molly…"
"Don't you dare look at me as if I am some sort of nymphomaniac! Harry is a beast!"
"That's not what we heard last night, princess!" Fred scoffed.
"Between your loud screaming, we could hear your pleas for more!" George followed suit.
"By the way, Harry, you deceived us!"
"Playing the shy, plain bloke while you were a stallion!"
"And the whole night?! WOW!"
"Be a pal and tell us your secret!"
"Secret? Well, I guess it would be foreplay-"
"Harry! A gentleman never tells, remember?!" Hermione didn't miss the chance to admonish someone.
"Besides, I think Tanya is about to blow up!" Ginny warned, seeing Tanya trembling with a mix of shame and anger.
"I swear…! One more comment and I will… will…!"
"Err… Tonks, are you going to finish your food?" Lupin asked, trying to change subjects.
"Huh? Oh, sorry, Yawn, I barely had any sleep last night because of all the yelling."
"!" The werewolf tensed and gesticulated for her to shut up.
"Yawn! For someone with such a small body, the princess surely can scream loud, don't you-"
"GGGGGYYYYAAAHHHH!"
"… see what I mean?"
"This place is subterranean! And so big!" As they entered the Ministry of Magic, both teens took in every detail. While Harry marveled with the innocent eyes of a child experiencing a new place, Tanya's reasons were far from pure.
"Hmm, what would be the best way to destroy this place…?" If Fudge's recent actions taught her anything, it was that she needed to be prepared in case the British Ministry of Magic ever became her enemy.
"… perhaps a bomb?" She dismissed the thought, as it wasn't just the Ministry of Magic to consider, Whitehall was right above. Moreover, she didn't want to damage the Department of Mysteries.
"Speaking of them, maybe I should pay a visit to confirm that Fudge didn't shut the research down without anyone knowing."
"Mr Weasley, mind if we visit the department of mysteries later?"
"What- NO!" She was taken aback at his sudden outburst.
"Er, I mean- we better go on another occasion!"
"Weird… is he so worried about the hearing?"
Then, following a long elevator ride and a brief chat with Kingsley, they arrived at Mr. Weasley's office, where they encountered someone they hadn't expected to see.
"Former superior mistress!"
"Kreacher?!" There, in front of her, was her house-elf.
"Where were you?! Sirius told me you had been missing for weeks!"
The elf explained that with Tanya's death, her ownership over him ceased. After grieving her passing and being unwilling to serve Sirius or Harry, he sought out 'Miss Sissy'.
"You went to the Malfoys?!" Taking the cue, Kreacher's new master emerged from the shadows.
"Hello, Weasley. Potter…" Lucius Malfoy greeted the two with his customary disdain but knelt in front of her.
"My princess!"
Tanya could only glare at him, fighting the urge to unleash her anger at the shameless bootlicker.
"Bloody bastard!" Harry, however, wasn't that composed.
"No, Harry!"
"Why, Tanya?! Remember what he said?! That you should be Voldemort's wife!"
"Don't lose your cool! What if someone hears the commotion and-"
"That is of no concern! I placed an imperturbable charm!" Once again, she glared fiercely at Lucius. She couldn't tell what made her more grumpy: the mentioning of the stupid charm or his lack of fear towards her.
"Well… he still has Kreatcher to protect him-"
"Oh, I will return him to you, this was the idea from the beginning!"
Tanya blinked as Malfoy turned to Kreacher and ordered him back to her.
"Kreacher so happy!" Despite her astonishment, she asked the elf to return home. Obediently, Kreacher complied and with a pop, he was gone.
"I will thoroughly interrogate him about what he has been telling the Malfoyslater, as for the man himself…"
"Lucius, could you, perchance, be suicidal?"
"Your Highness?"
"First the imperturbable charm and next, you dismiss Kreacher. You understand that you are completely vulnerable now, don't you?"
"I am afraid I don't- ARGH!" Tanya's kick sent Malfoy sprawling to the ground, leaving his face a bloody mess.
"'… for master, a fitting CONSORT'! DON'T YOU DARE TO ACT ALL FRIENDLY WITH ME!"
"I-I was merely trying to protect you!"
"Your pitiful excuses won't save you, Lucius!" Tanya hissed, her wand pointed directly at him.
"Huhuhu! I wonder what face Voldemort will have when he sees your severed HEAD!"
"L-little Tanya?!"
"You aren't serious… are you?!"
This death threat caught both Mr. Weasley and Harry off guard.
"Oh! You can bet I am-"
"Iwastheonewhofreedyou!"
"Huh?"
"In the cemetery, I cut your chains loose!"
"Ah!" Tanya recalled how she escaped because her bonds had been loosened during the fight.
"It was you? I thought it was an accident."
"N-no, I did it while the dark lord was busy with Potter!"
Hearing this caused her to pause and ponder for a moment.
"Do you take me as stupid, Lucius?"
"M-my lady? I swear I am telling the truth-"
"I know! You want to be in my good grace so whoever wins the war, you will stay on the winner's side!"
"N-no, I swear I am loyal only to you!"
"Never mind…" Much to Malfoy's relief, Tanya put her wand away.
"You are lucky I still have uses for you."
"Is this going to be a hearing or a witch's trial?!" Tanya thought, surveying the scene before her: they were in a courtroom, surrounded by the entire Wizengamot, magical Britain's high court and parliament.
"Tanya, it's Percy!" It was as Harry pointed out, the little traitor, Percy Weasley, was sitting next to Fudge, acting as his secretary.
"Great! Besides Kreatcher, I have to worry about more information leaks!" Still, this was of little consequence taking into account what Lucius told her.
'… his obsession with you rivals the dark lord's.' He confirmed what Tanya had suspected. Fudge, driven by his paranoia, wanted to crush his supposed political adversary, Dumbledore, by stealing his most valuable tool…
"A witch princess so powerful she can bring the dead back… Fuck! Even I would ache to have someone like that at my disposal!" Unfortunately, there was no way to know how far the minister would go to reach his objective.
'He will try to place you under his 'guard', no matter what, do not allow it!' Malfoy's warning brought Tanya back to her early days when she had just discovered the wizarding world and feared the consequences if her secrets were exposed.
"No use getting worked up so soon."
"Let's sit down and-"
"Please, wait!" As Tanya and Harry approached the chairs covered in chains, one of the wizards cried out. Rushing over, he immediately transfigured her chair into a luxurious blend of a throne and a comfy sofa.
"Princess Tanya of Degretschow, master of death, eleventh goddess! I live to serve you!" He finished by bowing deeply to her. Scanning the Wizengamot, she noticed most wearing irritated expressions, while some looked jealous as if they had contemplated doing the same only to be bested by him.
Tanya almost frowned, until she realized she could use this to her advantage should the hearing end unfavorably.
"Thank you, kind sir!" She smiled sweetly before taking the seat.
"Ogden! Go back to your place!" He refused to obey the Minister for Magic. The wizard kept his head firmly on the ground until Tanya signaled that he could go.
"In a way, I can understand Fudge's apprehension." The wizard Ogden had proven that with a single word from her, a civil war could start right there.
"I believe I could win with a few supporters, but I would need to rule all magical Britain afterward!" And becoming a queen doesn't sit well with her goal of someday having a safe, nice, and easy life.
"He could have done the same with mine…" Harry murmured at her side while taking his seat at the edge of the restraining chair.
"Ahem! This disciplinary hearing was put in session to ascertain if there is evidence to nullify the marriage of Harry James Potter with Tanya Von Degurechaff." The minister began.
"On behalf of the Potters, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore." Dumbledore's sudden arrival elicited whispers from the members of the Wizengamot. Harry softened his expression in relief, while Tanya wondered why Fudge appeared completely unconcerned.
"It's fortunate that you are here, Dumbledore, as these accusations include you!"
"Then, by all means, start." Dumbledore declared calmly as he conjured an armchair for himself to sit on.
"Very well…" Fudge coughed to gather all attention. He proceeded to antagonize Dumbledore and Harry, accusing them of mistreating Tanya and ultimately coercing her into marriage.
"… and there is that ridiculous rumor you spread about the Dark Lord's return! Did you believe we would fall for this obvious attempt to distract us from the truth?!" While he didn't mention the supposed truth, he made it implicit that their goal was to overthrow their government.
Next, he presented his evidence: the fact that Dumbledore put Tanya's name into the Goblet of Fire to facilitate her emancipation, and Skeeter's articles, specifically the one alleging how Harry had forced himself on her.
"THAT IS A LIE!" This left Harry on edge, necessitating Tanya and Dumbledore to restrain him.
Finally, one of the Wizengamot members, a witch named Amelia, had enough of Fudge's bullshit and demanded real evidence. To everyone's confusion, Fudge complied by raising a wand.
"Cornelius?! How come you have that?! I personally destroyed it!" Unlike the others, Dumbledore became uneasy at the sight of the object.
"Ha! So you recognize it, don't you?!" Fudge swung the wand around triumphantly as if it were a trophy of his victory.
"For Merlin's sake, put it away! Cephalopos cautioned me it might activate solely by Mrs. Potter's presence!"
"And now, you confess to affiliating yourself with a criminal-" Without warning, the wand discharged a blast toward Tanya.
"!" Luckily, her reflexes were sharp enough to dodge the spell.
"What the-?!" She stared in shock as the transfigured sofa/throne turned completely to stone upon being hit.
"Tanya! You okay?!" Harry rushed to her side.
"S-see?! This is my proof! Dumbledore ordered the creation of this wand, a weapon to put that child under his control!"
Tanya and Harry waited in stunned silence for the headmaster to deny the accusation.
"…" Instead, Dumbledore just stared at Fudge.
"Accio!" With this incantation, the wand leaped into his hands, only to be snapped in half with a swift motion.
"Mrs Potter, I… I beg you to forgive me!" Under the gazes of Tanya, Harry, Fudge, and the Wizengamot, Dumbledore began his tale.
"Once, I stumbled upon the theories of a wand-maker named Mr. Cephalopos, who believed a wand could be crafted to function specifically to oppose a single wizard or witch with deadly efficiency, provided one had the right materials…" To the dismay of his audience, he confessed that he had provided this man with the corpse of the basilisk and pieces of wood from the Whomping Willow.
"Both of them were powerful magical beings, and they met their demise at the hands of the same individual. Cephalopos channeled their anger and bitterness, as much as their magic, into a wand that hated you, Mrs. Potter."
"What do you mean by hated me?!"
"As you could see, in your presence, the smallest stimulus will have the wand launching the basilisk's specialty, the petrifying spell."
"Should I be glad it wasn't the killing stare?!"
"Let me guess, you wanted a deterrent for me."
"I… found myself disquieted upon recognizing certain echoes of the two dark lords I've encountered… it was a mistake I deeply regret!" He was at last fully convinced she wasn't a threat when she chose to stay with Harry, even though she had the Deathly Hallows, showing that, unlike Grindelwald and Voldemort, she valued love above all else.
"That day, I broke the wand and burned its fragments." He thought the matter was over, however, near the end of the school term, he discovered Cephalopos planned to smuggle the last remains of the basilisk and denounced him to the ministry.
"If I knew your intentions at the time, I would have arrested you too!" It was Fudge's turn to explain how, after the eleventh goddess incident, he interrogated the wand maker until he confessed to making another wand with the same materials.
"And I believe this is why he was suddenly released?" Fudge didn't answer back.
"In any event, my actions were inexcusable! Yet, Mrs Potter, Harry, allow me to offer my most sincere apologies!" He finished by bowing low.
Tanya could tell by Harry's expression how angry he was, still, he chose to let her handle it.
"Was that all you had?"
"No, there is another object in Hogwarts. Nonetheless, rest assured, I will take care of it as soon as I return."
"… I forgive you." She understood his point of view. In truth, Tanya recognized she drew too much attention to herself over the years.
"It is a surprise I didn't end up in more of these hearings! Anyway…"
"As you all can see, it's clear as day that I wasn't aware of these weapons." Tanya addressed the wizengamot.
"Meaning Dumbledore never used them on me!"
Fudge appeared unable to find words, leaving it to the witch named Amelia to speak up.
"I didn't notice any fear on your part before the spell… I reckon it was your first time seeing it."
"Exactly! And no one forced me into anything!" As much as it hurt her to let this opportunity to be single again go…
"Do you mind if we end this?!"
"I'm inclined to agree. Anyone else?" Behind her, almost all of the Wizengamot nodded their heads.
"Amelia?! This is… I mean…!"
"Hem, hem!" With a silly little cough, the witch seated beside him leaned forward.
"I recognize Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister."
"Thank you, minister!" She spoke in an insufferable high-pitched voice.
"I'm sorry, I am afraid we are straying from what truly matters: MATURITY!" She walked over to the center wearing a condescending smile.
"Are all of you familiar with the incident involving the hit wizards during the summer of 1987?" Gasps resounded through the Wizengamot.
"She is the acromantula girl?!" One frightened witch shouted.
"Wasn't it merely a rumor?! Something to scare the new hit wizards and aurors?!" Another said making the entire Wizengamot look at her with widened eyes, Amelia Bones wasn't an exception.
"And there is more…" Umbridge brought up how Tanya spread a rumor about her being Grindelwald's granddaughter, her history of running away from school, and her numerous 'unnecessary killings' during the Triwizard Tournament. The giant squid's death, in particular, brought tears to the eyes of most wizengamot.
"All those incidents clearly demonstrate her inability to distinguish between right and wrong. She desperately needs the presence of a trustworthy authority figure in her life to show her the right way!" Exaggeratedly she gestured at Tanya, and once more, Skeeter's articles were brought up.
"She is extremely talented, true, nonetheless, Skeeter warned us she may turn her wand against our government just as she did with our people in the past!"
Tanya grew uneasy with all the nods in agreement with the woman's statements. Concerned, she turned to Dumbledore, hoping he would intervene, only to find him… dozing off.
"Yes, maturity! That is the main factor here! If she lacks it, she can't emancipate, much less get married!"
"Professor! Do something!" Despite Harry's efforts, the headmaster proved to be a hard sleeper.
"With all these facts in mind, I propose we nullify this marriage. Those two are very young, if their love is true, they can wait two more years." She concluded by offering a 'gentle' grin to Harry and Tanya.
"And until then, she will be under our close care and protection!" Tanya felt a shiver run down her spine as she considered the implications of 'protection' in this case.
"Well said, Dolores!" Fudge beamed at her.
"I ask those in favor of nullifying the marriage and placing Tanya Von Degurechaff under mine- I mean, ministry custody until she is of age, please raise your hands!" Immediately, Fudge and his undersecretary raised their hands. The others appeared uncertain about what to do, but gradually, hands started to go up one by one.
"!" Tanya's panic intensified as she noticed Dumbledore still asleep.
"Shit! I really didn't want to resort to this!" She jumped from her seat and burst into fake tears.
"Sob! You won't separate a PREGNANT girl from the future father, will you?!" She was greeted with wide-eyed shock from the wizengamot. And as anticipated, all hands were lowered, except for Umbridge's and Fudge's.
"I-I refuse to be responsible for the breaking of a family! Who is in favor of ending this charade?!" At Madam Bones' suggestion, all hands shout out, save for two, of course.
"I will have to remember to tell it was a false alarm later on."
"Under those circumstances, I declare-"
"HOLD IT!" At her side, Harry shouted.
"I have something to say!"
"Harry, what are you doing? It's alright! They can't-"
"No, nothing is alright!" More than angry, Harry seemed extremely shaken.
"You… you tried to take Tanya away- no, you tried to take away my wife and my unborn child!" Harry gestured towards Fudge, Umbridge, and the Wizengamot.
Tanya facepalmed.
"Oh no! I forgot how gullible he is!"
"I won't… WON'T LOSE MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN!" Swiftly, Harry began a familiar wand movement.
"Harry, don't!"
"BOMBARDA!" The spell obliterated half the room (the empty part) and blasted through the wall, destroying the adjacent room and merging the two spaces.
"I don't think my shield would withstand it! He has gotten stronger!" If it was any other day, Tanya would be impressed.
"WHAT?! What is going on?!" The loud blast woke Dumbledore too late. Everyone was stunned, their gazes fixed on the destruction caused by her husband.
"Merlin! What if there was someone in the other room?!" Hearing the wizard's question, Tanya herself began to wonder if Harry had accidentally obliterated someone.
"There wasn't anyone there, I know because Tanya taught me how to localize people by sensing their magic." Many let out breaths of relief.
"This was merely a demonstration of the powers Tanya gave me!" Harry pointed his wand at a terrified Fudge.
"I want to use my magic for the good of our people, but I will defend my wife and our baby! Be it from Voldemort, dark wizards, or even you! Please, leave us alone!"
Saying that, he turned back to Tanya.
"Harry! What was on your mind?!"
"Don't worry, I never intended to kill or hurt anyone, it was just meant to scare. And, most important…" Wearing an earnest look, he lifted and hugged her.
"We are having a baby! I am so happy!"
Tanya narrowed her eyes.
"Now, how will I tell him the truth?!" While she was contemplating on what to say, loud murmurs could be heard from behind them.
"We shouldn't have messed with that boy!"
"Indeed! He took out all those fake death eaters last year!"
"Did you hear that?! The princess not only brings people back to life, she can also enhance magic!"
"Anyone serving her will be invincible!"
"Great! More misunderstandings!"
"H-how dare you?!" At last, Fudge gathered the courage to emerge from behind his lectern.
"Be warned, Potter! You will hear from us-"
"""""NO!""""" A deafening roar echoed from several members of the Wizengamot.
"Those fiascoes of yours are intolerable, Cornelius!"
"Because of you, we may have gained the princess disfavor!"
"What do you want?! Create a new he-who-must-not-be-named?!"
"We would rather have a new Minister for Magic!"
Fudge found himself unable to utter a single word as the majority of the Wizengamot turned against him.
"Well, I do believe it is our signal to depart." Dumbledore winked, pulling the two teens out of court.
"It was a lie…?!" Tanya left Harry disheartened.
"Of course, dumbass! I am making full use of Professor Snape's present!"
"Uhhh… of course it was HE!"
"Harry, Tanya! Congratulations! I heard they let you two go!"
"Arthur, I have a favor to ask. Can you escort Harry back home?"
"Yes, why-"
"Mrs Potter, have your bond grown solid enough for you to be away from Harry for a few hours?"
"Only one way to find out." She was eager to discover it herself.
"Then, if you will excuse us." Dumbledore grasped Tanya's shoulder and apparated them both away. In an instant, they were in a place she recognized as Hogsmeade.
"Aberforth, is the room ready?" He asked an old barman as soon as they entered an inn, the Hog's Head.
The old man, seemingly displeased at seeing Dumbledore, grunted a yes.
Anxiously, Dumbledore pulled her into one of the rooms.
"Mrs Potter, can you cast an Imperturbable Charm?"
"Ugh! Yes, I do! Don't remind me of-"
"Please do so, hurry!" He lost the usual calm he always harbored on his face.
Tanya followed his request, and shortly afterward, Dumbledore hurled himself onto the nearest sofa.
"Mrs Potter, about the wand-"
"No matter. You did what you thought was right. Frankly, in your place, I would have done the same."
"Is that so? Hohoho! You have no idea how much your words have lifted my spirits!"
"In any case, I have to point out some things about that Order of the Phoenix of yours…" Tanya exposed to Dumbledore all her worries about the group he formed.
"… they need to train, and hard! For starters, I recommend- Professor?" Dumbledore wasn't answering. Again, she caught him snoring.
"Professor!"
"What?! Oh, forgive me! I must have fallen asleep!" Tanya blinked at this.
"If someone should be dozing off, it should be me!"
"I understand your concerns…" He proceeded to explain that the Order of the Phoenix was needed, for now, to keep potential death eaters under surveillance and to watch a stone.
"A stone? Fletcher mentioned one and had everyone else apprehensive."
"My apologies, they were instructed not to inform Harry. I neglected to mention you are already aware of the prophecy…" He informed her that all prophecies eventually find their way onto a shelf in the Department of Mysteries.
"Hence why Mr Weasley didn't want us to go- huh?" A third time, she found Dumbledore sleeping.
"PROFESSOR!"
"AH?! W-what? Oh, we were talking about the Department of Mysteries…" He yawned broadly.
"… about the shelf with all the prophecies Professor Trelawney made."
"She made more?! As if Harry's and the ones she did about me- ah!" An important memory flashed through Tanya's mind.
"The prophecy about Voldemort turning into the overlord!" She pulled Albus Potter's computation orb from around her neck.
"I almost forgot! Let's blow this thing up before Voldemort gets his hands on it!" It will be many years before one is created, according to what those two told her. Meaning, that they could postpone Trelawney's prediction by destroying the orb she currently has.
"That won't be necessary. The prophecy was fulfilled months ago."
"What?"
"The overlord has been you all along…" He disclosed that Trelawney wasn't pointing at her computation orb; instead, she had been pointing at Tanya.
"Are you one hundred percent sure?!"
"'… the new overlord will take down the skies'. The effect you had after becoming the master of death, it was as if the skies were falling." As a matter of fact, Tanya considered that this might pertain to her nearly causing the destruction of the entire universe.
"'The anomaly must erase the overlord from ever existing'. This part must mean Ignotus Peverell's soul, an anomaly in the living world." Actually, Tanya interpreted it as referring to the anomalous existence of a divided soul.
"He doesn't need to know about this…"
"Y-yeah… well, one less thing to worry- Professor?" Dumbledore clutched his head, as if merely staying seated required tremendous effort.
"Mrs Potter… I can't… please, let me rest for a few minutes and we may continue our talk…"
"Huh? Why do you-" Seeing him fall back asleep so quickly made Tanya worried; the old man appeared so weak, as if he had run a marathon before meeting her and Harry.
"As I thought, something is wrong. I will ask as soon as he wakes up…" Unfortunately, the few minutes ended up being more than an hour.
"Professor, what is happening? Why do you look so… old?"
"Why, Mrs Potter? Because I am old."
"Stop telling jokes, it's a proven fact that Wizards easily live for over a century."
"Yes, but few endured the hardships I faced. I lost count of how many occasions I was cursed during my youth." He went on to describe how he was suffering the repercussions of a long, stressful life spent in constant battles.
"Healers consistently warned me that I wouldn't have a long life, even by Muggle standards."
"How can this be?! You were good until before my death! What has changed?" Her only answer was silence.
"Why won't you tell me? Unless…!" It became painfully clear it was her fault.
"The elder wand… it was keeping you alive and healthy, wasn't it?!"
"My original intention was to seal the wand upon my death. It must have prolonged my life, expecting someone to defeat me."
"I am so sorry!"
"Do not be distressed; death is a natural part of life. I am ready for my next great adventure."
"You can't die yet! I- we need you! Harry needs someone to help him fight Voldemort!" He shook his head.
"He has you to help him in this regard."
"I can't! I lose my magic around the dark lord! Because h-he wants my b-body!" The mere memory of that night at the cemetery filled her with terror.
"There is no way I can face that pervert, let alone fight him!"
"As for that, I believe you are slightly mistaken."
"What do you mean?"
"Firstly, I don't believe he could desire anyone, just as he can't love. These emotions are anomalies to his perspective."
"H-he doesn't need to lust or love me to impregnate me! His intentions must be to find a mother for his child!"
"And for what purpose? To raise an heir who might one day challenge him?"
"Now that you mentioned… it does seem illogical from his viewpoint!"
"Tell me, what were the precise words he uttered in that cemetery which filled you with fear? The exact words."
"V-Voldemort told me he would place his 'final' piece on m-me!"
"I see!" Dumbledore briefly appeared to muster enough energy to leap with joy.
"I have some reassuring news. His intention was not to assault you sexually. He intended to turn you into his final Horcrux." The professor quickly briefed her on this dark ritual.
"… I began to suspect the possibility, hearing Harry's experience with Tom Riddle's diary. And it became a certainty watching you pull out that serpent from your husband during his resurrection."
"Voldemort had a bit of his soul inside Harry?!" Recalling back, Peverell did mention there was a 'foreign piece' on him.
"I believe it was unintentional. This elucidates why Harry has inherited some of his abilities and occasionally glimpses him."
"The nightmares about Quirrell!"
"We are fortunate you became the master of death; otherwise, Harry would have had to die along with Voldemort."
"No, he would have found a way. Believe me!" Tanya spoke with vexation, remembering how the timeline would have been better without her interference.
"Are you completely sure about this theory?"
"I believe so. The description of the diary and the serpent of Harry's scar align with the details. A Horcrux can be anything, but its defining characteristics are its durability and the scream it emits upon destruction."
"The object screams- Wait! A SCREAM?!" Tanya told the headmaster the multiple occasions she had come across such objects.
"… the ring which contained the resurrection stone, I found it in his grandfather's house!"
"The heirloom of the Gaunt family! And the medallion you discovered in Kreacher's possession, I suspect it was the authentic Slytherin's locket."
"Ah! When I destroyed the Ravenclaw's Diadem, it also screamed!"
"Ravenclaw's Diadem? You mean the lost diadem?! You destroyed that unique, priceless, and precious relic?!"
"Err… i-it was an accident!"
Dumbledore sighed hard.
"Let us keep this to ourselves, especially from Minerva and any Ravenclaw… Nonetheless, we confirmed Voldemort's desire to split his soul into at least six parts." He raised six fingers.
"One part must remain with him. As for the others: his diary, Marvolo Gaunt's Ring, Salazar Slytherin's locket, Rowena Ravenclaw's lost diadem, and finally, the last part would be placed into you, the descendant of the wizard king."
"Brr! Instead of my body, he wanted to rape my soul!" In a sense, it was worse than she had originally imagined.
"How many horcruxes can he create?"
"It is beyond our knowledge; a Horcrux was meant to be a single object."
"What?! This means he could have about a hundred of these?!"
"No, a soul so shattered couldn't endure. I speculate he created at most ten."
"Crap!" A wave of despair washed over.
"I found all these objects by chance! What if he hid one in a place no person can go?! Like, he could apparate it to the bottom of the sea! Maybe even the moon!"
"Absolutely not. To safeguard an object with powerful protection, its location must hold significant meaning."
"AAAHHHH! This is getting complicated by the second!"
"I concur. Our best course of action would be to delve into his life, find any moment he-" The professor stumbled, overcome by dizziness.
"Professor! What are you supposed to do in this state? Besides looking for horcruxes, you have Hogwarts to think of and the Order of the Phoenix!"
"M-Minerva is aware of my circumstances and will manage my duties. Regarding the Order, you were correct about everything, I believe we require a SOLDIER to lead them."
"Huh?"
"Tell, Mrs Potter. Are you prepared to take another life to protect Harry?"
Without hesitation, Tanya nodded her head.
"Not for him, for myself!"
"I fear, for the greater good, we may eventually require a MASSACRE akin to the one you showed me in your memory…"
"… Remus, I'm telling you, she must despise me!" Tonks lamented to Lupin while they were on their way to the Order of the Phoenix headquarters.
"Despise would be an exaggeration. Although, this morning, you missed a good opportunity to keep quiet…"
"Sorry, I barely slept a wink with their, err, noisy commotion and blurted out the first thing that came to mind!"
"You ought to consider your words more carefully. Something similar occurred during yesterday's meeting, if you recall." He referred to her calling Tanya an Acromantula girl.
"Uhhh…!" Tonks groaned in frustration as the words of her drill instructor resurfaced.
'Do better! Incompetent aurors have their wands taken by the acromantula girl beforebeing eaten alive!' Tonks had always dismissed this story as a prank until she met her mother's cousin.
'Do you mean, Tanya? Nah! She has no interest in wands! Be sure you won't ever mess with Harry and she won't use her web on you!' Yet, despite Sirius' reassurance, the story continued to plague her thoughts as the time approached to meet the infamous princess in person.
"Do you think she might ask Dumbledore to kick me out of the Order?!"
"Tanya isn't so spiteful."
"But wasn't it her who got you sacked?"
"In my case, I deserved it. I tried to hurt Harry and their friends while creating the perfect opportunity for Wormtail to escape!" His demeanor darkened.
"If it wasn't for Tanya, Sirius would have gotten the kiss… and the blame would be all mine!"
Tonks berated herself for her clumsiness, noticing Remus growing saddened by the memory.
"He tries to cheer me up and ends up getting down himself…" Out of everyone, Remus Lupin was the last person she wanted to see so disheartened. He was genuinely kind, always prioritizing others over himself. Above all, Tonks cherished his companionship.
"And here we are." Before she had a chance to apologize, they arrived at Grimmauld Place.
"Harry, what happened?!" Surprisingly, they found Harry Potter looking gloomier than themselves, surrounded by his friends, Sirius, and Molly Weasley, in an atmosphere charged with tension.
"Where is Tanya?! Don't tell me…!" Tonks shared Remus' fear, thinking that the Ministry had annulled their marriage and took custody of the girl.
"… I have to kill him… or he will kill me…" The boy appeared to be in a trance, muttering ominous words.
"Tanya is alright, Moony, it's just… she told Harry about the stone and the full prophecy." Sirius said, shaking his head.
""What?!""
"Yeah… I was wrong, it was a tad too much for the poor boy."
"She told Harry and the other children! Including MY CHILDREN!" Molly Weasley gestured to the other kids in the room: Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, Fred, and George, all were unusually quiet, their faces betraying their indecision about what to say to Harry.
"Why- does Dumbledore know this?!"
"About that… he left Tanya in charge of the Order!"
""WHAT?!""
"T-this is going all too fast!" Tonks was in complete agreement with Remus.
"Let's start from the beginning, shall we? Where is Tanya?"
"She is upstairs! Talking with my Arthur!"
"Calm down, Molly! Why are you so upset?!"
"The first thing Tanya did as our new leader was to call all members of the Order to have a private meeting…"
"You mean, a job interview?" Sirius scoffed in response to Tonks' question.
"More like chewing us out! She spent nearly an hour lecturing me about quitting as an Auror, insisting I needed to take things more seriously…"
"Sob! To me, she said that I had to contribute more besides doing 'maid jobs'!" The old woman no longer held back her tears.
"A-and Arthur is over there for so long! She called Mundungus Fletcher and he never returned!"
Tonks's throat went dry.
"S-she did mention not liking the smell from Dung's pipe!"
"Molly, do you really believe Tanya would-" Before Remus could finish his statement, Arthur Weasley descended the stairs wearing a somber expression.
"Oh, Arthur! Are you alright?!" His wife was all over him, inspecting to ensure no limb was missing.
"Yeah, I am okay. At least until I start my rigorous training… with the acromantulas!"
"""""""""WHAT?!""""""""" This shout came from the entire room, causing even Harry to snap out of his daze.
"Please, there is no need to be alarmed! She told me that Harry trained with them and got strong very fast!" He said, full of optimism.
"Right, Harry?"
They all turned their gazes at the boy, who shook uncontrollably while gazing into the distance, as though reliving a profoundly unsettling memory.
"Gulp! B-by the way, Tonks. Tanya said that if you had arrived, it was your turn."
"Eek!" She ran to Remus, seeking refuge.
"Wha- Tonks?!"
"R-Remus… I don't wanna become spider's food!" The story of the acromantula girl eating incompetent aurors returned to her mind.
"Tanya won't- Sigh! Would you feel better if I went with you?" She furiously nodded her head.
Climbing the stairs, they heard well-wishes of 'good luck' and 'you'll need it', which only served to heighten Tonks's tension as they approached their destination.
"Remus, I am scared! Molly said Dung didn't come back!"
"Please! What do you expect we will see?! Dung's dead body hanging-"
Upon opening the door, they were confronted with the unsettling sight of Mundungus Fletcher entangled in a web cocoon, suspended upside down.
"WAAAAHHHHH!" Tonks let out a scream and would have fled if Remus hadn't grabbed hold of her.
"Don't be hasty! He is alive!"
"Eh?" She looked over, and true to his word, Dung, despite being all worn out, was still breathing.
"Hey, Remus, Tonks! Sorry for giving you a scare."
"Let me guess, she found out about the stolen cauldrons!"
"Yeah! And she split the lot of them right down the middle with a spell so strong, no fixing them after that!"
Remus sighed and shifted his attention to Tanya. It was the first time Tonks saw her, seated on a desk, her expression impassive.
"Tanya, you've punished him enough by destroying his stolen goods. Can't you let him go now?"
"That is not why he is there."
"Huh?"
She pointed at some forks and spoons on her desk.
Remus facepalmed himself.
"Dung! Have you no shame?! Stealing tableware?!"
"I-I didn't nick them! It was a loan, I was gonna give them back!"
Tonks sincerely doubted it.
"And I believe you, Fletcher…"
"Is she serious?!" Tonks, like Remus and Dung, stared amused at the girl.
"… therefore, you will remain there until you can pay for the 'rent' of my property."
"So this is what she meant!"
"O-oi, Lupin, Tonks! Once you go down there, tell the twins I'm taking the ten thousand galleons for the Venomous Tentacula seeds!" He said something that Tonks, as an auror, couldn't ignore.
"Did I hear you plan to sell a Class C Non-Tradeable Substance?!"
"Come on, lass, turn a blind eye just this once! Can't you see I'm desperate?!"
"Are you mental?! I can't-"
"Forget about him! Come, I need to talk with you." She sensed from her tone that the girl wasn't going to take no for an answer. Remus must have felt the same urgency, as he hurriedly approached her desk alongside Tonks.
"Tanya, what is this talk about Professor Dumbledore leaving you in charge of the order?!"
"Why? Do you contest Dumbledore's decision?"
"Not in the slightest, I merely-"
"You don't trust my human resources management or my leadership skills?"
"I didn't say-"
"Then I believe this discussion is over."
"Whoa! This girl is really something else!" Her voice was firm and decisive. When it came to leadership, Tonks could see that Tanya was more capable than most of her superiors at the Ministry.
"Mr Lupin, I am already aware of your abilities. That said, I will renew my warning: no turning into a werewolf around Harry."
"I understand, Tanya. And I promise it will never happen again."
"Good, because next time my bedroom will have a new carpet with wolf's fur!" This threat didn't sit well with the pink-haired woman.
"Hey, listen here you-"
"It's your turn now. Please take a seat, Miss Nymphadora Tonks."
"What? I- err, please call me Tonks-"
"Take a seat Miss NYMPHADORA Tonks!" Immediately, Tonks sat down, her former anger evaporated.
What followed was Tanya questioning the woman about her motivations, ideals, and abilities, in particular, her Metamorphmagus skills.
"… and you can take any form without polyjuice?"
"So long as I'm keeping my emotions in check, yes."
"In other words, this skill is wasted on you."
"Eh?"
"I mean, you strike me as someone who gets upset over the smallest things, you can't even handle people saying your name."
The interview went downhill at this point.
"… can you turn your nails into claws? Maybe swords?"
"Err, no."
"Can you grow spikes? And shoot them?"
"I… don't think so?"
"How about enlarging your hands to smash down your opponents?"
"You are kinda violent, aren't you?"
"Can you turn into a bomb and explode together with the enemy?"
"I would die!"
"So, you are a born Metamorphmagus, and all you can do is turn your hair pink and create a few funny faces?"
"W-well, I had top marks in my Auror training-"
"I recall you mentioning it was in concealment and disguise, and with zero effort!" Tonks had no defense.
"You sure you are in the right job? Perhaps it would be better if you entertain children's parties, NYMPHADORA?"
Tonks could almost hear her instructor…
'You are incompetent, Nymphadora! This means a meal for the acromantula right in front of you!'
"Tanya, if you please…" Noticing her distress, Remus stepped in, highlighting many of her good traits, and went to the point of offering to help her improve her flaws. Tonks, in turn, felt her admiration for Remus Lupin skyrocketed.
"Ohhhh! I think I am in love!"
"Do I have your permission to train Tonks here?" Tanya just stared blankly.
"… very well, Mr Lupin will help you."
Tonks smiled brightly at Remus.
"But before, tell me something, Nymphadora, can you turn into a wolf?"
"Y-yes!"
"Excellent! Let me warn you that if you screw up, I will have TWO new carpets in my room, got it?!"
They nodded their heads while swallowing loudly and, as soon as possible, dashed out of the room.
"Oi! Don't go forgetting to give the twins a shout, yeah?!" Mundungus called out.
It took Harry several hours to come to terms with his terrible destiny.
As most of the order dispersed, Sirius for some reason was doing push-ups in his room, Mrs Weasley was preparing dinner, Luna went home choosing to spend her last recess night with her father, and Ginny was busy pleading with Bill trying to convince him that Fleur had brainwashed him; only Ron and Hermione were left to try to cheer him up.
"This is beyond unfair! It's either I turn into a murderer or end up being murdered myself!"
"And here I was, thinking it would be Dumbledore or maybe Tanya who would take down Voldemort."
"It's alright, Harry! The prophecy doesn't say you have to do it all by yourself!"
"Yeah, mate! We'll stick by you!"
"I… thank you!" He began to calm down, feeling unbelievably fortunate, realizing he was blessed with friends like Ron and Hermione, and a loving wife beside him.
"Is Tanya still discussing things with the members of the Order?" As if to respond to his question, Harry spotted Mundungus Fletcher wrapped in a web cocoon, being dragged by Fred and George.
"Lad! Keep that mental missus of yours in line, won't ya?" The short man shouted.
"I swear, I never- ow! Careful there, lads!" He grumbled having his head not-so accidentally collided with a wall.
""Ah, shut it!""
"Thanks to you, the princess found out we've got a few galleons left!"
"What if she demands we give her the whole lot?!"
"What I was supposed to do- OUCH! Bloody hell!" The three stared in amusement as, once again, Mundungus' head hit a wall when the twins made a curve and they disappeared from view.
"No, seriously, Harry! Your bonkers wife wants to send everyone to acromantula boot camp!"
"Ah?" Now that Ron mentioned it, Harry could swear he heard Mr Weasley talking about this a few hours ago.
"Harry, perhaps you should have a chat with Tanya?"
"And hurry up! Don't let her turn Dad into spider chow!"
They didn't have to ask, he quickly stood up to go see his wife.
"Tanya, mind if we talk?" She didn't see him being so engrossed in what seemed to be the final interview of the day with Professor McGonagall.
"… dejavu." Seeing her at a desk with such a stern expression reminded him of the dream where she transformed into a Japanese Snape.
"… if you aren't satisfied with the Order, why not dismiss us?!"
"Because Dumbledore revealed the secret location to everyone! I can't risk a new Pettigrew exposing the fidelius!" She elaborated, mentioning that the interviews were a strategic move. Lacking the time to earn their respect as Dumbledore had, she had to resort to fear and intimidation tactics instead.
"… and I can't show Arene to all of them, can I?"
"I-I see!" It was evident that their teacher was left deeply shaken after witnessing Tanya's days as a witch soldier.
"Hang on, Tanya…" Harry made his presence known.
"… is it absolutely necessary to send people to train with the acromantulas?!"
"Of course! It is an imperative to have them all tamed- shaped into stronger mages!"
"Y-you said 'tamed'!"
"My only regret is that I can't have the entire Order training…" Tanya directed her gaze towards Professor McGonagall, earning a shiver from the old woman.
"W-with your consent, I must return to Hogwarts- oh! I nearly forgot!" She retrieved two prefect badges from her pockets.
"These should have been delivered weeks ago."
"Finally! I was thinking you-" Much to the teens' surprise, the professor walked past Tanya's stretched hand and gave the badge to Hermione, and next, to Ron.
To be honest, Harry was somewhat disappointed not to be nominated as prefect, but Tanya…
"THE HECK?!" … was outraged.
AN: Sorry, I ran out of space to include their return to Hogwarts.
Some people mentioned that Harry is too insatiable. Guys, he is a teenage boy, married to a cute girl who he had the biggest crush on, and Being X granted him the ability to never tire during sex. OF COURSE he wants to screw all the time! Wouldn't you?
In this story, Cephalopos is a descendant of Arturo Cephalopos, a wand maker known for crafting cursed wands. He creates a wand from the wood of the Whomping Willow with a basilisk core, and engraves it with the last memories of both the willow and the basilisk to make the wand hate Tanya. This idea was inspired by Harry's wand in the seventh book, which acted on its own and shot phoenix fire at Voldemort. I wanted to explore something similar, and I needed Tanya to have as many weaknesses as possible. Soon, we'll also see another, far more terrible weapon created by Dumbledore.
Regarding Dumbledore's declining health, it's necessary because the light side has too many powerful individuals. Voldemort alone wouldn't be able to handle Tanya, Harry, and Dumbledore together, so I needed to introduce some weaknesses.
As for Tonks, I couldn't remember her being very useful in the original story. She's a Metamorphmagus, but so what? All she ever did was make funny faces at Ginny and Hermione. I feel the same about Animagi; they didn't add much value. That's why Tanya isn't one in this story.
And, Trelawney's prophecy about the overlord is yet to be fulfilled…
As always, review if you want more of this story.
Next chapter: Since Umbridge refuses to teach anything, Tanya decides to give the woman a lesson herself.