Choose Love
Chapter 12
Rosemary and Elizabeth stood next to the refreshment tables and helped themselves to another cool glass of cider. Although it was quite chilly outside, the barn had grown stuffy during the course of the evening. Elizabeth took a healthy swig of the delicious apple flavored drink before addressing Rosemary about Nathan's gift.
"Rosemary?", Elizabeth delved. The frame you picked out for Nathan's gift was beautiful but I don't recall us discussing giving him more than just the one photo. I was more than a little surprised to see that you decided to give him that photo of the two of us. I thought you might use it for the paper, but do you think it was appropriate to give him a photo like that of the two of us now?"
"Elizabeth," Rosemary chided. It's fine. It's harmless. Besides I knew Nathan would love it."
"But I'm engaged to Lucas. Our nuptials are eminent Rosemary! Besides isn't it a little unkind, cruel even to give Nathan such a reminder." Rosemary smiled resolutely at her friend. It dispirited Rosemary to see her friend's heart still so torn between the two men. Whether or not Elizabeth realized it or not, Rosemary knew that Elizabeth still cared deeply for Nathan. Perhaps she was even in love with Nathan. She didn't doubt Elizabeth's love for Lucas. But she had seen a change in her friend. Indeed, she had taken notice of a change in all three of them.
"He's just a little boy!" The raised voice of Nathan Grant could be heard above the music of the song that was just winding down. It caught the attention of Rosemary and Elizabeth as they continued their conversation about Nathan's gift.
"Do you have any idea how much you disappointed Jack by not being here for that dance?" Nathan challenged Lucas. Lucas stood, stoically, trying to return the fire he saw in Nathan's icy blue stare.
"Actually, Nathan I do know that I disappointed the boy, but sometimes it just can't be helped."
"Just can't be helped." Nathan repeated bitterly. "What, Lucas could have been so important has to have merited breaking a promise to that sweet little boy?" Nathan impugned.
"It was business Nathan and frankly, in my opinion, what happened with me and little Jack tonight is really none of your business!" Lucas fired back in a blaring tone. Lucas's unusually loud tone garnering even more attention.
"What did you say? None of my business?" Nathan shot back.
"That's right." Lucas answered smugly. "It's none of your business Nathan. Elizabeth is going to be my wife, and that little boy, Jack, he's going to be my son not yours"
"He will never be your son!" Nathan returned. "Not with the way you treat him! Besides he has a father already. Jack Thornton is his father and nothing you do or say will stop Elizabeth from teaching that young man where and who he comes from. You may step-parent him, but you will never be his father!" Nathan indoctrinated Lucas.
Furious, Lucas shot back with a barrage of tasteless and vulgar allegations. "You may think you have some kind of hold over Elizabeth and Jack and that their welfare is somehow your business, but it's not. Nathan, I know what brought you here. I know you came to Hope Valley out of some sort of convoluted sense of obligation to take care of Elizabeth and her son. I know that Jack Thornton took your place on a training mission that went wrong. Elizabeth told me everything. Jack was where you should have been. And I know why Jack had to take your place. I'm sure in coming here and protecting Jack's widow you felt you could somehow release the guilt you felt over Jacks' death. But that doesn't qualify you, or give you the right to step in as Jack's proxy. You are not just granted permission to become Elizabeth's husband!
Nathan stood there, wanting to speak, but even more than that he wanted to cause bodily harm to Lucas. Who did he think he was to bring all this up? Here and now of all places. He had only tried to have a calm conversation with this man about hurting a little boy's feelings.
"Guys, let's all just calm down now." Nathan heard the steady and soothing voice of Bill Avery walking up behind him.
Lucas looked past Nathan's shoulder and said, "I'm done here." Took a half turn but within a second had turned back to face Nathan. "Actually, I'm not done. I'm tired of every time I turn around, I see you, Constable Grant next to my fiancé! I am sick and tired of you and Allie insinuating yourselves into my fiancé's life and I want it to stop! Now! Further more it should have been you that died that day on the training mission. If it had been, Jack Thornton would still be alive and Elizabeth never would have had to go through that nightmare! If you really loved her, you would realize that and stay away from her. You are nothing more than a reminder of what she lost and I, I am her future!"
Nathan lunged, but Bill had his arms and stopped him from striking the vile man standing before him. Lee and Joseph rushed in to assist in holding Nathan back. Lucas should never have spoken Allie's precious name.
"Lucas, leave, NOW!" Bill shouted.
Lucas did as he was told but when he turned to retreat, he was met with a shocked and shattered Elizabeth.
For the last and final time Weasel took command of the room and announced the last set of dances were about to begin. Soon the dance would be over. Nathan scanned the barn looking for Elizabeth. He was worried about her and he only wanted to set eyes on her, but he didn't see her anywhere. It was probably for the best. He didn't want to cause her any more pain. Lucas had certainly caused her enough pain tonight and he didn't even want to think about the pain he may have caused her tonight, or ever. He said a silent prayer to himself for her safe keeping and hoped that Rosemary or someone was taking care of her. He didn't see Lucas either. He hated to think about it but maybe she was with him. Talking about what had happened. They would certainly need to at some point. Or maybe Bouchard had just high tailed it out of there. That wouldn't surprise him either. Lucas was good at disappearing.
"You doing okay now? Bill asked his friend with concern. Bill sat down on the old church pew next to Nathan. I'm surprised to see you're even still here."
"I know. I wouldn't be but I didn't want to cut the night short for Allie on account of something I did."
"You're good father Nathan. Don't ever let anyone tell you different."
Nathan gave Bill a reluctant smile. "I don't really feel like such a great father right now. I really lost my temper earlier. What kind of example is that? As a father or the Mountie of this town?
"Nathan, you're only human. Besides I think Bouchard gave you plenty of reason to lose your temper. What he said was completely uncalled for. The two men sat in a moment of silence before Bill continued. Why don't you grab Allie and head on home. It looks like things are going to be winding up pretty soon here anyway. I'm sure Allie will understand. Remember things will look better in the morning."
"I hope so Bill." Nathan answered in a troubled tone. Bill stood, giving his weary friend a compassionate smile and firm hand on his shoulder as he made his leave. Nathan sat alone with his thoughts. He knew he should be looking for Allie right now so they could go a head and call it a night. Instead he sat, paralyzed by the thoughts he couldn't let go of.
Quietly the band picked up with another Irving Berlin tune and Nathan finally stood to go find his daughter, but going home would have to wait. Allie was at present being escorted to the dance floor by Robert. Nathan smiled to himself as he began to make his way toward the barn doors. The large barn doors were flung open wide and the fresh air just beyond inviting him outside. Embarrassment kept his gaze down, and on his toes. He never saw her coming toward him and their collision startled him.
"Faith!" Nathan exclaimed, surprised to see her at this late hour. "I just assumed you weren't coming."
"Well I almost didn't. Am I too late?"
"Almost." Nathan found a chuckle deep inside and Faith giggled with him. "Actually I think you made it just in time for a few more dances. They just started this one."
"Oh I love this one. If I Had You." Faith sighed.
"Kind of sad don't you think?" Nathan commented.
"No, Faith exaggerated. Well maybe a little. It's haunting. Yes haunting...hauntingly beautiful!"
Nathan looked at Faith with bewilderment. Women sure had some funny notions when it came to love and romance. As he continued to figure her gender out he noticed how very lovely she looked tonight. It was a shame she looked so beautiful , yet arrived so late. Any man here would have wanted to take a turn with her on the dance floor, Nathan mused to himself. He noticed how she ever so gently swayed to the music. He could tell she wanted to dance. He should ask her to dance. Hadn't he asked her to save him a dance?
"Faith, Nathan held out his hand to her. I believe you promised me a dance."
Faith glanced down at the strong hand that had been offered to her. Faith's fingers caressed the inside of Nathan's upturned palm as she let the palm of her hand fall down gently onto his. She could feel his fingers settle into her grasp, afflicting her with tiny prickles that shot up and down her arm. The feeling much like that of a jolt of electricity. It was so strange Faith thought to herself. Recently, she had been seeing a lot more of Nathan, both as a friend and as a patient. It seemed the more see saw of Nathan, the more she looked forward to the next time she would see him again. Each new time she saw Nathan, Faith was left with a feeling that would seize her from the inside out. Sometimes it started in her stomach, and sometimes she felt it in the center of her chest. She had tried to overcome these feelings, but even with the knowledge of a physician she could not seem to make her symptoms go away.
Nathan lead Faith onto the dance floor and with a bold flourish lifted their arms above Faith's head as he spun her into his hold. Faith giggled and smiled, amused by Nathan's surprising maneuver and how the spin had made her feel. Nathan laughed too, pleased with himself for putting such a beautiful smile on his friend's face. Nathan and Faith found their rhythm within the dance, and each other. Nathan looked down into Faith's blue eyes and realized, maybe for the first time, how beautiful Faith really was. Her eyes sparkled like the sun on the surface of a great lake. The soft amber light of the barn reflected in her hair, as unrestrained curls tenderly framed her delicate face. As they continued to dance, Nathan let himself hold her a little tighter, a little closer. It felt nice holding such a beautiful woman in his arms. For a moment he let his mind wander to a place it had never really been before. To a place, to a time, to a world where he and Elizabeth Thornton didn't end up together. What if he were never able to make her see? What if he had no choice but to move forward with his life without her in it. Could he be happy? Could he be happy and in love with a woman like Faith Carter?
Before the two even realized what was happening, the music began to slow. The song was winding down. Nathan didn't know when it had happened, but at some point during the dance he had rested his temple to hers, his cheek to hers. The pair continued to sway. Slowly Nathan opened his eyes. It took his eyes a moment to adjust but there was no doubt what he was looking at once they did. He hadn't seen her for more than hour. Not since his confrontation with Lucas. But there she stood. It was Elizabeth.
Warm tears began to well and fill the inner corners of Elizabeth's eyes and blur the scene before her. But it was too late, the image was forever burned into her memory now. Feeling the sting of the tears growing Elizabeth pleaded with herself.
"Please don't let him see me cry. Please don't let him see me cry!"
For what seemed like decades they held their stare. Nathan never loosening his grip on Faith. The awkward moment coming to an excruciating end only when Weasel stepped up to announce the very last dance of the night. Elizabeth breathed a deep sigh of relief as Nathan once again turned his attention to the girl in his arms. Elizabeth took advantage of the moment and retreated from the crowd.
Elizabeth sat alone on a bale of straw with only her thoughts to keep her company. At the moment it's what she wanted. In fact it was what she needed. Not even Rosemary's consolations could at this moment lighten the burdens of her heart.
"Elizabeth." A familiar voice floated down from above. Strong and seraphic she knew the voice could only belong to one man. Elizabeth remained seated, unsure if her legs were sturdy enough to lift her frame from the bale she sat upon. It wasn't however the strength of her legs that was the problem, but rather the strength of her heart. She wasn't sure if she was brave enough to face him. Mustering every last ounce of courage she had left in her, Elizabeth got herself to her feet but could not bring herself to meet his tender gaze. Even though Elizabeth couldn't see it, she could feel the look on Nathan's face. The thought of his warm and tender expression eased the butterflies momentarily. Enough so that she was shocked when she felt an arm slide around her waist and pull her in close. Elizabeth opened her eyes and instantly she realized she had been whisked into Nathan's arms. Suddenly Elizabeth realized that in an uncharacteristic move Nathan had swept her off her feet and onto the dance floor. She pondered Nathan's initiative as she stared into his striking face. Nathan ever so gently tightened his grip on Elizabeth's waist as she allowed him to pull her a little closer to her his chest. She could feel the passion up and down her body. It was cold, it was warm, it was painful, it was ecstasy.
Nathan couldn't help himself, he let his hand travel from her waist to an area just above the small of her back and stroked her lovingly. Nathan felt so connected to Elizabeth right now. It made him think of a quote from the novel Jane Eyre and which was spoken by Mr. Rochester.
"I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I'm afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I'd take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you'd forget me."
They never fully embraced. Not this dance. Not this time. They gazed into each other's eyes, each one surveying the meaning there. Each wondering what the other was thinking. Elizabeth didn't know when it happened but she knew she had given herself over to Nathan. In this moment she only knew one man. The beautiful one who's arms held her so securely. Lost in time and space they refused to relinquish this dream to reality. It was when Elizabeth heard the crowd begin to softly sing along to the tune that the harsh waves of reason came crashing in around her. Just like the angry tides that rule the ocean, the mellow voices turned her reason into violent waves crashing on her shore.
If you were the only girl in the world And I were the only boy Nothing else would matter in the world today We could go on loving in the same old way A garden of Eden, just made for two With nothing to mar our joy I would say such wonderful things to you There would be such wonderful things to do If you were the only girl in the world And I were the only boy
Elizabeth suddenly felt as if all were on her. What must they all be thinking of her right now? Her, friends, her students, the community, did they deem her a cheater now? A woman of questionable taste? She could only presume what they were thinking of her right now, dancing like this with Nathan! Elizabeth was both horrified and nauseated as she came to her senses, but not by her possible ruination. It was the way she was feeling and what she had let happen. This was as good as cheating on Lucas. Hadn't that always been what she was taught growing up in a Christian household?
Nathan felt himself lose his hold on Elizabeth as she all at once stepped back and away from him. He looked down into her panic-stricken eyes and marveled at what possibly could be wrong. At a loss for words the only thing he could think to say was, "Elizabeth?"
"I have to go Nathan! I can't stay here. This was a mistake. Please forgive me. I know I'm hurting you to." Elizabeth gave Nathan a heartsick look and ask, "Please don't follow me Nathan."
Elizabeth should have known better. Her plea to Nathan not to follow her would be as good as a direct command to him. But she had to say it, as if saying it out loud would make the difference. He had to hear her say it. She had to hear herself say it. Did she want him to follow her? All she knew was that she had to get out of that building! Her head was spinning and she couldn't catch her breath. She sprinted for the barn doors pausing only when she reached the exit and could feel the brisk night air on her warm cheeks. Not wanting Nathan to catch up to her she vaulted herself into the night. Guided mostly by the light from a small bonfire some of the town's young people had build, Elizabeth dashed the short distance to the Olsen's pole barn. There she found the solitude she so desperately needed right now. The small structure was mostly open on one side and allowed Elizabeth to breath in the clear but chilly air. Her breathing slowly returning to normal.
Nathan watched as Elizabeth ran from him once more. He was finding it hard to think, but he knew he had to go after her. They couldn't just leave this. He felt like one of her students who had disobeyed her in class as he made his way to a pile of coats to pick his out. He felt ashamed of himself for not doing as he was told but he had to know how she feeling right now. He had to know that the same thing that had just happened inside him had also just happened in her? It was undeniable and to deny it would be a profound mistake. He found his coat and flung it over his arm and made his way out into the dark night to find the woman he loved. Using the same light from the bonfire Nathan found his way to the pole barn as well. He just had a feeling. Little light shone from the sky now. Even the old man in the moon had grown sleepy by now, but Nathan could make out her form anyway. She was sitting just inside on a stack of feed sacks. Nathan stepped into the small barn and without hesitation grabbed a lantern he knew Frederick kept hanging on the wall and proceeded to light it. Elizabeth never startled when he came in. She knew he was coming. The barn was as still and quiet as the night outside. Without a word Nathan lowered himself to a place beside Elizabeth on the feed sacks. He could feel her trembling body. Elizabeth's arms were bare and exposed to the chill. When running for your life from a sticky situation one doesn't stop to put on a coat. Escape is your only concern. Whether it was the cold night air or him, Nathan wasn't sure why Elizabeth trembled so heavily. Maybe it was both. He was sure it was both. Before Nathan could articulate a single word Elizabeth sprang to her feet. She crossed her arms and stroked them back and forth for warmth as she made her way over to a small pen and hung herself over it's side. Frederick had just had a fall calving and one of his young heifers had had a hard time. She had come through though and given birth to a small but handsome bull calf. Nathan grabbed the lantern again and followed Elizabeth over to where she stood. He placed it atop one the post holding the pen together. "Here this should help." He stated.
"Thank You." was all she replied back to him.
"You must be freezing." Nathan commented as he placed his coat around her shoulders.
Elizabeth said nothing but continued to watch as the little newborn snuggled in close to his mother.
Nathan chuckled softly, almost to himself. "He's a cute little guy isn't he? And so content."
Elizabeth nodded her head in agreement but never looked at Nathan.
"Elizabeth", Nathan whispered. "Look at me. Please." When Elizabeth made no effort to turn her gaze from mother and baby, Nathan reached out with one finger under her chin and gently turned her head to look at him. She looked into his kind and concerned eyes. "Elizabeth you know we have to talk about what just happened with us."
"I know." Elizabeth finally conceded. "But I don't know how."
"Just tell me what's in your heart Elizabeth."
His earnest gaze perplexed her. Nathan was always so sure of himself when it came to her. He hadn't always been that way. In the last few months she had come to know a Nathan who was much more sure of himself. An emboldened Nathan. One who took chances and didn't hold back his feelings as much. Yet he remained as good and kindhearted as she had ever known him to be. Maybe even more so. She found herself growing ever more attracted to him. She admired this change in Nathan. She wished she felt as confident as Nathan seemed to be feeling these days. It seemed that when school started this term and the warm breeze of Summer had turned to cool autumn nights something had changed in her. Gone were the long lazy days of Summer she had spent with Lucas and Jack. Carefree walks and evening talks had given way to early mornings and business dealings once again. She knew the euphoric feelings of new love would at some point give way to every day happiness but the Summer had been glorious. Elizabeth longed for a love that stood the test of time. She had thought she had that with Jack Thornton. She knew she had had that with Jack, if only...if only. She didn't dwell on Jack death anymore. She truly didn't. All she had to do was look into the eyes of her precious boy and remember only the good that came from the short time she had with Jack. She was only human, however, and a woman. She was only bound to wonder of the life that could have been.
She stood now in front of Nathan Grant. His loving gaze boring it's way straight into her heart. She couldn't deny it any longer. She couldn't help it either, nor could she explain it. She loved her fiancé. She would not have accepted his proposal of marriage if she hadn't. But something had changed. Something in Nathan had changed. Something in Lucas had changed, and something in herself had changed! Elizabeth could admit it to herself now. As sure as the sun rises in the East, and sets in the West, she was in love with Nathan Grant.
"Elizabeth, I don't mean to make things more difficult for you, but I have to know what you are feeling. I know what I felt in there. When we were dancing with each other, I know you felt that too." Nathan took a step closer and peered down into her flushed face. His ice-cycle blue eyes piercing through to her soul and pinning her to the ground where she stood. She confirmed his suspensions by not denying what he was saying. He reached down and took both of her hands into his. He peered down at their joined hands and collected his thoughts. "Elizabeth", he started as he returned to staring into her worried eyes. "I'm in love with you. I've never stopped loving you. In fact over the last few months I've grown more and more in love with you. I know that's probably not fair to you right now, but you have to know. You, Elizabeth Thornton are the reason that I live and breath. You are the reason I get up in the morning. You are the reason I laugh, the reason I cry, and the reason that my heart beats everyday! Nathan felt loose hot tears release themselves from his eyes and slide down his cheeks. "Dammit!" he thought to himself.
Through her own tears Elizabeth searched for Nathan's face, but it was no use. She lifted her hands and felt for his handsome cheeks. She felt the wet hot tears there and brushed them away with her own thumbs. They stared at each other for an eternity it seemed. They Conveyed their thoughts and feelings not with words but with their hearts, their souls.
It was Elizabeth who spoke first. Nathan's fearless words and bravado making her feel as though she could say anything, do anything. Reluctance and worry no longer consumed her. She tentatively wrapped her arms around Nathan's waist and confessed her transgression. Nathan I love you! I have fallen so deeply in love with you these last few weeks. I thought I knew you, but you are so much more than I could ever have imagined. Your innate goodness and care of others has astonished me lately. You've touched my heart Nathan Grant, Profoundly and...All at once and without warning Nathan reached up with one hand and pulled Elizabeth completely into him. His lips crashing down on hers. He stopped her talking and made her mouth his property. In one swift motion his hands had found her waist. Probing fingers squeezed and dug in as he continued the long awaited joining. Elizabeth allowed Nathan to explore as he stroked up and down her sides and back until her face sat cradled between both of his hands. The kiss slowing now. The urgency now gave way to pure passion and love. Slowly Nathan kissed her. Exploring and savoring, he kissed every part of her lips with deliberate placement. He centered a tender kiss on her lips, sliding his lips across hers he kissed her again. He repeated the motion and then centered another sincere kiss on the middle of her mouth before finally letting Elizabeth breath again.
Elizabeth was afraid to open her eyes and look at Nathan. Rendered speechless she wondered what she could possibly say to him once they did look at one another again. Taking a deep gulp of the cold night air she began to count to herself..."1,2,3,4, open your eyes." She commanded herself. Of course she thought to herself. Her nerves settling as Nathan's beautiful kinds eyes looked down at her. His blues eyes twinkled and laughed as he reached up and gently stroked her face and hair. He took her in his arms and embraced her. Reassured Elizabeth once again felt bold. She took Nathan's hand and led him to a corner of the barn where there was a stack of hay. Elizabeth had a strange stirring inside her, and she turned to Nathan with a mischievous grin. She suddenly felt quite fearless as she lunged herself onto the stack of hay bringing Nathan with her. Nathan was quite shocked and amused by her behavior and he could tell that she felt the same. Reading each other's thoughts they both broke out into uncontrollable laughter. They looked into each other's laughing eyes. It all seemed so perfect, so natural. Neither one could deny it.
"You're so beautiful Elizabeth and I love you so much."
"I love you too, Nathan" Elizabeth once again confessed.
Nathan rolled closer to her, removing wayward pieces of hay from her hair and staring into her lovelorn eyes. His face moving ever closer to hers, Elizabeth could feel the hot breath of his passion. Nathan placed another eager but emotional kiss on Elizabeth's anxious lips. Lost in a vortex of emotion they lost all track of time and space. The world was theirs and theirs alone. Only the need for air brought them back to where they should be.
Elizabeth abruptly sat up and exclaimed, "Jack!" She shot off the haystack like bullet out of a gun. Nathan quickly followed in an effort to stop her before she made it out of the barn. He stopped her just shy of the doorway. He placed a gently hand on her shoulder.
"Wait." Nathan asked simply. He picked up his coat from where it had fallen on the ground and placed it back over her shoulders. Elizabeth could feel Nathan's hot breath just beneath her ear as he asked her, "What now? What does this mean for us?" She shuddered at the question and his essence as it swooshed across her neck. Elizabeth could only answer in the most honest way she knew how, as confusion once again found it's way into her mind.
"I don't know Nathan. I love you. I do. But there is no us. Not right now."
"I don't agree Elizabeth. There has always been an us, but I understand your situation. You have to deal with Lucas."
"Deal with Lucas?" Elizabeth repeated hotly as she turned to face Nathan. "He's my fiancé Nathan! I haven't fallen out of love with him overnight. I don't pretend to understand how this works. How a woman can love two men but it seems that I do. Lucas and I have spent over a year together building the start of a life together. I can't just throw that away. We made a commitment to one another." Elizabeth reminded Nathan with the flash of her ring. I haven't even talked with him about what happened earlier tonight with you! Please I need to talk to him."
"It isn't right you know." Nathan stated bluntly. It's so simple, we're in love."
"Yes, but that doesn't guarantee you eternity together." Elizabeth sadly mused.
"I know." Nathan whispered