Chapter 13
Allie drew in a large breath and exhaled noisily. Her yawn piercing the silence of she and her father's quiet walk to Church. Both Allie and Nathan would have rather pulled the covers up tight over their noses this cool Sunday morning but Nathan was on Duty today and Allie might as well go to church. They both were still sleepy and tired. The dance the night before had been exhausting. More emotionally exhausting than anything else for Nathan. First the altercation with Lucas. Then there was the dance with Faith. The jolt that went through him at the feel of her in his arms was unexpected, and he had never felt anything like it before, ever. No woman had ever made him feel like that before. He had never held a woman in such a fashion as that before. He supposed he had yet to meet a woman who was capable of making him feel quite that way. It was confusing and Nathan knew he would have to look inwardly if he were to figure it all out. It only got more confusing from there. It seemed to him that it had only been seconds ago that he had held Elizabeth in his arms as well. What had happened between them was, to say the least, unforeseen. Nathan nervously stroked the inside of the headband of his campaign hat and lowered his gaze to the toes of his boots. In slow motion the events flashed through his mind. Like the flash from a camera each moment pierced his memory. He had kissed her. He had finally held Elizabeth Thornton in his arms. He had kissed her soundly, with intent and purpose and he had not been rejected. He could feel her hunger for more. Nathan had been more than eager to feed that hunger, for he had needed the same satisfaction. Had he go too far with her though? He had a foreboding sense of dread at the thought of his transgressions. His intent had not been to illicit dishonest behavior from Elizabeth. The offense had not been criminal on either of their parts. It had been a primal, beautiful, yet undeniable soul connection. There was no contemplation for either one of them. It was an eruption of emotions that should not have made itself known at that moment in time. The consequences of their transgressions a far off meditation. None the less Nathan took the brunt of the blame onto himself. What he had done had gone against everything he held in veneration. He knew their behavior would hurt Lucas. Did he want Lucas to hurt? In that moment Nathan realized that if Lucas had seen them, he would not have felt the least bit sorry. Last night he wanted to hurt Lucas. He had wanted to hurt Lucas the way Lucas had hurt him. The way Lucas had hurt little Jack and Elizabeth. Nathan had seen the pain in Elizabeth's eyes after Lucas had said the things he did. He had wanted to comfort her right away, but sadly he knew he was not the man who could console her breaking heart. It was all so confounding. He had felt so invigorated with Faith. Dancing with, and holding her had made him feel robust, sturdy. Masculine and red blooded! With Elizabeth it was different. He still felt virile and strong, but it was even more than that. It was where it came from. It seemed to come from somewhere very deep. Somewhere very deep within his being. It was a tethering of souls that made him feel somehow complete every time he was with her. He could feel it even if he wasn't with her in the physical sense. He could sense it even when he simply saw her walking down the street. Nathan could sense it every day, everywhere. Whenever he engaged with one of her students, or browsed through a row of books in the library. When he looked at his daughters sweet face, and when he was with his good friends, especially Bill Avery. "Whenever I slip into my Red Serge and button the final button on it's collar", Nathan thought to himself and smiled.
But not as long as Elizabeth was in love with Lucas, and wanted to marry him could Nathan let himself touch her again. That's why he had to try and make it proper between them once again. He should never have let their encounter get so intimate. He should have been the sure one. He should have been strong enough to extinguish the growing flames of desire.
As Nathan and Allie approached the steps leading up and into the little white church, he placed a gentle hand on her back, encouraging her in ahead of him.
"I'll see you later this afternoon." Nathan assured Allie. "Best behavior?" Nathan nodded and flashed a laughing smile down to meet her reaction. With a half roll of her eyes Allie assured him she would be.
"Of course." Allie returned."
"That's my girl." Allie stopped herself just short from placing a foot on the next step. Embarrassed by the "my girl" portion of her dad's comment, Allie shook her head and repeated to herself "my girl"? She wasn't a little girl anymore and she wasn't anyone's "girl"! Not yet anyway. She swore to herself as much as she loved her dad he could should embarrass her sometimes. What if someone had heard him say that to her she thought to herself. Allie took the next step up with her Dad right behind.
"I'll bring home some of Mrs. Cora's Sunday Pot Roast for supper Allie so we won't have to cook tonight." Allie was glad to hear it and scurried on into the church as Nathan took his spot at the back of the church. A custom Allie was used to as Nathan never sat with the rest of the parishioners while on duty. As soon as services ended he would be off on his rounds. Visiting and checking on those who resided on the furthermost fringes of his jurisdiction. Allie hoped there would be a spot next to one of her girlfriends and wasted no further time conversing with her father. Just as Cooper was about to ring the church bell Elizabeth approached the doorsill of the church, Lucas not far behind, Jack in tow. Nathan could feel her approach and it was heady on this weary Sunday morning. Elizabeth crossed the threshold and scanned the room for a place to take a seat. She caught the flash of red as she did so. She wanted to ignore it, but could she? Did she even really want to? She admitted to herself that she actually kind of wanted to see Nathan this morning. Maybe to gauge his reaction. She wasn't sure. Maybe, if she was truthful to herself she just missed him and wanted to see him. He must think her a very brazen woman, not wanting to cower away from him after last night! A night where she lost all control of her good senses and propriety! She turned her gaze anyway, wondering if might not engage her. But he did and her heart jumped in her chest. He grinned moderately. She nervously returned the shy smile but soon the moment was broken by a somewhat noisy Jack and Lucas. Then the bell began to bellow loudly and the trio scurried to their seats.