Long time no see! I hope you guys are still with me. I'm really sorry about the sporadic updates. Life's been kicking me lately. Sigh.

Hopefully, the next update will be sooner than later.

Don't forget to let me know what you think under reviews. All mistakes are mine, Twilight is Meyer's.

Ch. 4

Beep

"Hey, Bella. This is Irina. Just want to let you know that we finally received the signed papers today and have finalized the divorce. I sent some soft copies your way via email and will be handing the official copies when we meet this week. Also, we can start dealing with the house once you and Mr Cullen have decided on an agent. I emailed you a list of known agents in the area should you need them. Let me know once you guys have reached a decision"

Beep

You have zero messages left.

I stare at my phone until the screen goes off.

It shouldn't have come as a surprise to me when I heard the message. I knew it was coming. Irina made sure that I knew every step made to finalize the divorce.

But it still rocks me.

It's been months since we started the process, but I guess it never really felt real until I heard the words signed and finalized from my lawyer.

I sent some soft copies your way via email.

I hastily tap my phone and immediately notice the email notification from Irina on my lock screen. My hands shake as I open the application and click on the unread message.

Decree of Divorce is granted to Isabella Marie Swan Cullen

Divorce

Granted

I read the sentence again and again as if it would change any minute. I let out a shaky breath as tears blur the words in front of me.

I numbly walk to my bedroom and curl on the bed with my phone in my hand. I hear a familiar set of feet entering the room before coming face to face with Buster.

He places his head on my bed and stares at me as if aware of the fact that my world is crumbling down around me. He licks my hand before going around and laying behind me on the bed.

I let his warmth comfort me as tears fell to my pillow. I cry for what seems like hours until I've run out of tears. I stay curled on my bed staring at nothing until the sun goes down and darkness fills the room as well as my thoughts.

…..

It was two weeks after I got Irina's message that he finally called me.

My heart thumps loudly against my chest as his name flashes on my phone, a picture of us taken during one of our trips in Asia taunting me.

I never once had the urge to remove the photo until now. Seeing the blissful smiles on our faces as we pose against the view from Taraw Peak is a huge slap on my face reminding me what I have lost and what I would never have again.

I bite my lip as I answer the call with shaky hands.

"Edward" I say

It takes him a while to respond, "Isabella" he says, my full name sounding foreign from his mouth.

Silence descends upon us, both of us seemingly unsure as to what to say to each other, before he finally clears his throat and asks, "Has your lawyer reached out to you?" .

I blink, "She has"

"I was wondering because I haven't heard any news about what would happen to the house."

"Irina mentioned that we needed to decide on an agent" I pause before continuing, "do you have someone in mind? Irina.. My lawyer sent me a list of agents around the area. We could go over it together if you want.. or I can also send them your way"

I wait for his response, part of me praying he'll want to go over it together, but another part saying that I know I wouldn't be able to handle seeing him in person.

"Send them and I'll get back to you" he says.

Of course, who would want to see their ex-wife?

I swallow, heart sinking as I answer, "Okay.."

A few beats of silence before he lets out a breath, resigned- as if knowing exactly what went through my head. "It's.." he starts before grunting, "It's not that I don't want to see you"

"Edward, you don't have to explain. I understand"

"No, I don't think you do, Bel" he says, the nickname he calls me slipping flawlessly from his mouth. He lets out a frustrated breath, "I.. I don't think I can handle seeing you now.. especially now that you're not my wife anymore. Hearing your voice is hard enough for me as it is"

Tears fill my eyes when he says it and I take a moment to make sure that my voice won't crack before responding, "I understand" I say and I really do. I don't even think I can handle seeing him, no matter how much I want to.

I hear his breathing from the other line and let that ground me before asking, "How are you?"

He lets out a huff and chuckles without any hint of humor, "are you seriously asking me that now?"

I sigh, "Edward" I let my head fall, "I.." I chew my lip, "I know you think I don't care, but I do. I still worry about you.."

"You sure do know how to express it"

"I didn't.." I shake my head, "I didn't divorce you because I don't love you. You know that, Edward. I stil-.."

"Please" he interrupts, his defeated voice is enough to make me stop, "if you really do care, don't finish that sentence. I don't think I can handle hearing it when we're like this.."

"This doesn't make it any less true" I say, voice cracking, "I still do. So fucking much. It's killing me that we're in this position.. It's killing everything in me.."

"Then why did you do it?"

I close my eyes, letting my tears fall to my cheeks, "Edward.."

"Why, Bella?" He asks firmly

My lips tremble, "You know why, Edward"

His harsh breathing is all I hear for the next few seconds, "I'll email you once I go over the list" he finally says before hanging up. The sound of the call ending is enough to bring me to my knees.

…

"Are you coming tonight, Bella?"

I look up from my computer and see Rose towering over me. Her perfectly sculpted brow arches, waiting for my response.

"Do I even have a choice?" I grimace.

"No" she smirks, eyes gleaming. She rolls her eyes when she sees me sighing and shaking my head, "could you be any more excited?"

I grumble, "Night outs aren't really my thing"

"Why not? You're hot and single" she says, "Guys would totally dig you"

I roll my eyes, ignoring the stab I feel on my chest as I say, "Guys dig single girls, not newly divorced women"

Rose shrugs, "Single all the same" she says, "and since we're already on the topic, you need to drop this whole facade you have going on, at least when you're talking to me"

I look at her blankly, "I don't know what you're talking about" I say despite knowing fully well what she means. Of course, Rosalie, having known me for years since I got into this company, sees right through it.

"Bull" she narrows her eyes

I sigh, "Just drop it, Rose"

"I'll drop it if you drop this attitude of yours"

I clench my teeth and shake my head before focusing back on my computer. "Marcus needs this by today" I say, changing the topic

I feel her glaring at me for a few minutes until she shakes her head, realizing I wouldn't budge on this.

"You can't keep running from this, B" she says harshly, frustration evident in her tone.

"I'm not" I snap before sighing and looking around the space, "but can we not do it now?" I plead, "I.. I don't think I can talk about it, yet"

Her eyes softened, "It's been months" her voice loosening the harshness, "10 since you've filed for the divorce. I wouldn't even know it was finalized months ago if you hadn't let it slip, Bella. Even then, you still refuse to talk about it. You stopped going to therapy, you don't go to your parents. You don't talk to Jake, to me. You rarely leave your apartment unless for work" she shakes her head, "everyone is worried about you- I worry about you."

"I go with you on night outs" I argue weakly

"And the reason you only go is because we'd be surrounded by everyone in this goddamn place" she says, throwing her hands in the air before placing them on her hips, as if challenging me to deny it.

I bite my lip from trembling and stare at the computer in front of me, not seeing anything. It was pretty naive of me to think that Rose wouldn't notice how much I avoided confrontations from people these past months.

It's been two months since I last talked to Edward on the phone. Two months since I received an update from Irina that his lawyer had forwarded her the list of agents he preferred. Two months since he asked- through our lawyers, that all discussions about the house moving forward will only be through them. Two months since I tried contacting him only for it to go through voicemail.

And two months since I've been breaking down on my couch every single night, nursing a bottle or two of the alcohol that I chose to poison myself with for the night.

I know it's not healthy. Trust me. The guilt that eats me from ignoring every phone call I get from people and every knock I don't bother answering all the while nursing a bottle of some alcoholic drink behind it is enough to tell me how wrong it is to let myself be consumed by this bitterness and grief.

They wouldn't understand, though. No matter how much I pour my heart out to them, they would never truly understand how it feels to have your entire life taken from you in a blink. No one would understand how hard it is to move forward when the two most important people in your life are gone, and one of them happened by choice.

I couldn't trust that my parents who have been married their entire lives to understand; Surely not Rosalie who is so damn career driven that she doesn't have time to date could understand this; Jacob who lives freely and avoids commitment at all times wouldn't be able to comprehend what I'm feeling; And even Leah who I pay a huge sum of money on to listen to me cry thrice a week would never understand this, no matter how much she tries her best to help me understand these myself.

Sure, they give me their reassurances when I open up. They do their best to promise that it will get better. However, I'm smart enough to know that all of those are empty words. Words said only to make me feel better after wasting their time listening to my rants. I know that at the end of the day, every word will be forgotten as reality sinks deep in my head.

I have no one.

"Just promise me you'll come to me once you're ready" Rosalie says, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I nod my head, "Of course"

"Promise me, Bella" she firmly repeats

"I promise"

Rose looks at me for a few seconds before nodding her head, "Good" she says, "so, how far along are you on that report?"

…..

"Ah, Bella. Just the person I was looking for" Marcus smiles from his desk.

"I'm done with the report" I smile, holding up the stack of paper I've worked on the past few hours.

He waves me inside the room, "Come in. I have things I want to discuss with you" he says, gesturing to the seat in front of him.

I nod my head and hand him the papers before taking my seat. He scans through them for a minute before placing them down and looking at me apprehensively.

"Is everything okay?" I ask after clearing my throat.

Marcus taps his pointer finger on his table as he continues to look at me for a few more minutes. I do my best not to squirm under his gaze and instead force myself to focus on the tapping sound his finger is making.

As I'm about to repeat my question, he opens his mouth and asks, "How are you holding up"

My brows furrow and my body slightly tenses, "I'm sorry?" Surely, my boss is not pertaining to my personal life, right?

"How are you with the additional tasks I gave you" he clarifies

"Oh" I clear my throat, feeling my muscles uncoil from the tension, "I think I'm doing fairly well" I shrug, "They're a challenge, but I think I'm getting the hang of it"

Marcus nods, "Good good"

"Is there a reason you asked?"

It takes him a moment before he sighs, "Yes" he says, "I'm sure you've already heard, but I'm moving to the San Francisco office." He pauses and rolls his eyes when he sees me hesitate, "I may come off as arrogant or aloof sometimes, but I do know who hangs out with whom in this office, Bella. We've worked together for years. It's insulting if you think I have no idea who you're close with in the company" I keep my mouth shut and wait for him to continue. "Anyway, I am in fact moving to the San Francisco office in a month or so, and the reason I'm telling you this is because I'm offering a position for you there"

I blink.

I may have stared at him for too long because at one point he clears his throat, "This is more than a transfer" he clarifies, "the office has plans to restructure their organization and will be in need of a Creative Director once they do, which I'm positive you'll be perfect for"

"Director?" I frown, "But.. I'm currently a marketing manager"

Marcus nods his head, "I'm well aware of your current role-"

"That's two levels higher than my role" I interrupt

Marcus nods his head again with a roll of his eyes this time. "Yes," he says, "as I said, I'm aware of your position and I know what I'm offering is a huge leap from it, considering that you just got promoted two years ago as a manager, but just to lay it all down for you. This won't be handed to you on a silver platter, Bella. You will need to work hard to deem worthy of the position."

"What do you mean" I ask, more confused than ever, "Work how"

"Well, for starters, if you're interested, you'll have to apply for the role once it opens," he explains, "You would need to be interviewed for it. They won't hire you if they see that you're not fit for the role"

"When would they open it"

Marcus hums, "According to Zafrina, they're planning to make the changes by the end of this fiscal half" he says, looking at the calendar on his desk, "so around June"

"That's more than three months away" I observe, looking over the calendar as well.

"Yes" Marcus says, "which also means, you have time to think about it"

I keep my mouth shut as my head spins from all the information he dumped at me.

Three and a half months.

San Francisco.

Creative Director.

"Wait, if you're offering me that position, what about you?" I ask, skeptically.

I've known Marcus since I started working at the company years ago. I've worked alongside him and for him through the years. I've known him long enough to know that he wouldn't offer me the position if it meant I would get ahead of him.

"I'll be working there as the Account Director starting next month" he smirks, "it'll be like the old days where we work alongside each other as specialists"

I barely stop the snort that threatens to spill because working alongside him was a damn trip, instead I shake my head and try to process everything he said.

It's a hell of a good offer and it's surprising that I was even considered for the role. I know I would need to work my ass off for it and would need to undergo some kind of assessment, but to even consider me for it after just getting a promotion, is a bit flattering.

I think of the days I've worked my ass off in this company, days where I almost drove myself to fatigue as I turned to it as a means to escape my reality. I think about the sleepless nights and the early mornings I managed to do in order to block my mind from thinking of her. Of him.

Edward. If I grab this opportunity, I would be miles away from him. Chances of me bumping into him will be slim to none as opposed to staying in the same area where he lives. The idea of it is heartbreaking at the same time tempting.

It used to be a dream of ours to live and grow old in this city. Even back when we were in Washington, we would spend countless days talking about our future in this city.

It's heart wrenching to think that we almost made it.

We made it into the city together, but we're now living two separate lives.

Does it still count if I stay and grow old here?

Can I still say that my dream of living here came true even if everything else was taken from me?

And if I make the move to San Francisco, will he even care enough to ask me to stay? Will he even care enough to know that I'm no longer living the dreams we once shared?

"Think about it" Marcus says, breaking through my thoughts. I look at him and see him looking at me sympathetically, the same way Jacob looked at me the day after Christmas when I had my breakdown.

I hate it.

"I know it's a lot to consider, but God knows we all need a do over in our lives" he sighs before shaking his head, "think of it as a fresh start, Bella"