WELCOME ALL TO THE NEXT EDITION OF THE KICK-ASS FICTION, THE BATTLE CATS: X! HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS SIXTH EDITION.
The Cats make their way to the Philippines alongside their Human colleague Bob for yet another adventure for treasure. They are setting up plans for how they can accomplish their goal. Bob is boxing a soft padding made of shedded Cat Fur supported with fabric while listening in.
Tank Cat: This is going so smoothly so far. I can't wait to catch up with Gross Cat and see what he has in stock for us. he hums peacefully
Cat: Yeah, I know right? He is a really funny guy. But he is way too tall...he shutters The way he looks down on people.
Axe Cat: I'm not surprised they haven't even managed to make a bed his size! Heh, his long skinny legs can't even fit on a king-sized bed. So we made our own homemade one just for him.
Tank Cat: His bed actually goes horizontally across his room, because he is longer than the vertical walls. I'm just so excited to see him again!
Bob: he turns to the Cats Why are you so excited over seeing this "Gross Cat" guy anyways? His name is definitely not something to be hyping about. he thinks blankly about the name
Cat: Bob, why are you always so pessimistic about new introductions? Plus, I believe you'll love him! He has really long attacking range because of his long legs, so he can attack behind us and snipe off the enemies with ease.
Bob: Ah I see...long legs, long range. Got it. But that still doesn't answer my question. he continues boxing the dummy
Axe Cat: Hey, I understand your skepticism. You know who I really don't want to see? he gets angry from just mentioning the name Ninja Cat! She's the worst. I hate her so much.
Bob: Isn't that the one from the different branch? Yeah, why do you hate her so much Axe Cat? Is she annoying or something? he smirks as he teases Axe Cat, to Cat and Tank Cat's amusement
Axe Cat: whiney It's not funny...Okay I'll explain everything, like I promised, understood?
The other three nod their heads rapidly as they try to maintain a straight face. Axe Cat snarls as he gets the story ready.
Axe Cat: Okay, it all started once The Battle Act first met with this other branch known as The Special Forces, which is known for having a lot of wacky members. Yeah, I ended up meeting Ninja Cat, who claims to be the Combat Maniac of her group. Initially, I thought she was going to be super cool. But that all changed once we dueled one-on-one! And she beat me shortly after the fight even begun. We have dueled a total of eleven times, she beat me ten times. But I actually beat her once! I still hold that win dearly. And the worst part is, she's a g- Tank Cat quickly interrupts him
Tank Cat: GREAT fighter! She is a top tier fighter, and an important member of The Special Forces. he glares at Axe Cat and angrily whispers in his ear No sexism in front of Bob. He doesn't know any better for his age!
Bob: he chuckles You're seriously pissed a girl is better at fighting than you? What weapon does she even use?
Axe Cat: Yes I am! It's so unfair. And she uses a sword by the way. Which makes no sense, an Axe is way better! Look how big it is! he waves his axe in front of Bob, Cat and Tank Cat
Cat: Careful, you could slice someone with that heavy Cat-killer! he pushes it away from his face, his paw slightly bleeding from touching the sharp end
Bob: That's your issue mate, a sword is lighter. Therefore the fighter has more agility and movement freedom. She is able to counter your attacks easily, while you struggle to counter hers. Solution: Get a lighter weapon. he grins at Axe Cat
Axe Cat: No way am I getting rid of Matilda! She's precious to me...he kisses his Axe
Cat: rubbing his bleeding paw against his fur We're getting off-topic! We need to defeat the enemies over at the Philippines in order to get the treasure! Not exchange weapon ideas or discuss "Which Cat is better?"!
Bob: Cat's right. Let's get moving, hopefully the Tall guy gets here soon enough so we can breeze through this shit much more efficiently. Vamos! (Let's go!)
Tank Cat: Let's kick some enemy ass! he charges out of the Cat Base and into the main battlefield
Bob, Cat, and Axe Cat are soon to follow him outside. To which they meet the familiar enemies we all know too well. They seem determined to win.
That Guy B: Hello again Bob, and Cat, and Tank Cat, and Axe Cat!
Snache: Just say something like "Hello again, fellow enemies!" or anything better! he rolls his eyes and sighs
That Guy B: It was a spur of the moment thing! Don't blame me.
Doge: We all have trained our asses off just to be able to compete against you, Bob. You're practically our idols! Despite all the losses you brought to us...
Bob: Why thank you. What can I say, I have a little bit of brain alongside this brawn. he flexes his muscles in a cocky manner Glad the ass-kicking got to you in a positive light. he grins as he flicks his toothpick
Cat: So, are you ready to have your pancakes handed to you? Or what? he joins in on the grinning as he leaps on top of Bob's head I think we hit jackpot, I can see the treasure right through the doors of the Filipino base. And the Banana Treasure.
The enemy base is a stereotypical Filipino base based off of a banana tree. As the Philippines are known for their delicious bananas and perfect climate for fruit growing. And it's covered in green and golden palm leaves, all being supported in on a wooden green building.
Tank Cat: Heh, I'll cover, and Bob can do his thing, isn't that right? he looks up at Bob and smirks with pride
Bob: Damn straight big guy! he rummages his hand across Tank Cat's fluffy head Okay let's do this! On three: One, Two, THREE!
The four charge at the enemies and rummage through. Snache and Doge bite Bob, while Those Guys slap and punch his legs. The attacks have decent effect, as his legs are bleeding.
Bob: Why you little pieces of shit! He punches Those Guys one by one, That Guy A staying standing while the other two are unconscious
That Guy A: I'm still here you know! he kicks Bob again, bruising his calf
Bob: Okay, how the fuck am I supposed to tell the differences between you three? You all look exactly the same! It's irritating...he glares at That Guy A Isso é confuso. (This is confusing)
That Guy A: Well, I have a small birthmark on my forehead! he points towards it, only being visible once you really look at it That Guy has one at the very top of his head. he points at That Unconscious Guy B And he had one at the back of his head. he points at That Knocked Out Guy C
Cat and Tank Cat were busy dealing with Doge. While Axe Cat was focused on Snache. When all of a sudden, a long, mysterious leg whacked Doge onto the floor, making him severely bruised. And a sword pierced Snache, causing him to bleed out and collapse to the floor.
Cat: Okay, who the hell did that? I was having fun messing with Doge over here! he smirks as he approaches Doge Isn't that right? Jackass? he kicks him
Doge: he gets up and stares at Cat groggily Did you just kick me there? Or was that just my imagination? he rubs his head in pain Ugh, my head...
Cat: Nope, that was not me, I don't kick, I mainly bite in attacks. Just like you! Except on the good occasion, where I could punch, slap, or scratch. Also like you! We have a lot in common, Doge! he nudges Doge playfully, to his annoyance and confusion
Tank Cat: And I don't kick either. I mainly use my head and whack people with it! Like so...he tilts his head 90 and whacks Cat in the head, to Doge's amusement
Cat: Ow! Why couldn't you hit Doge instead of me? he glares at Tank Cat as he rubs his head
Tank Cat: he shrugs Well, Doge trusted me enough to hide behind me. So I had to return the favor. he massages Cat's head
Doge: he giggles Yeah I guess you two are right...but WHO THE HELL KICKED ME? he glares at the two Cats
Some of the saliva from the yelling landed on Tank Cat's face. This angered him as he grins menacingly and approaches Doge while wiping off saliva.
Tank Cat: I already paid the favor so...he does the same 90 head whack on Doge And no, since you're an enemy, you're not getting head massages. And you won't get my guess on who kicked you! he smirks at Doge
Doge: Ow! Okay, I get it! Sheesh...he walks off, now having to deal with his damaged legs, and his mildly irritated head
Snache lays there as he coughs up some blood and glares at Axe Cat. He barely manages to slither his body upright. He does not look calm at all!
Snache: Agh! he rubs his cut torso in agony Who the fuck sliced me like this? Now the water color paint is mixing with my blood. he gasps in fear I'm going to get infected! I'm too young to die!
Axe Cat takes a moment to laugh at his slithery opponent. Before slapping some sense into him and grabbing his face.
Axe Cat: he slaps Snache in the face, leaving a red mark on his face Knock it off, will you? You're not going to die. It's obvious that Gross Cat and...he groans in annoyance her...came along and helped us win! Not like we needed it or anything, heheh.
Snache: And you're implying I'm the one acting childish? Typical. he rolls his eyes as he attempts to slither away, but his cut is too much for him to handle
Bob is now looking into the Banana Tree themed base. He sees all three types of the Banana treasure. And grabs them. But he is soon stopped by a tall, mysterious figure who grabbed him by the neck.
Bob: Who the fuck grabbed me? he is struggling from the strong grip Gah! Let me go, otherwise I'll kick your ass in. Pare de ser tão resistente! (Stop being so resistant!)
????? ???: No...I will not let you get your hands on the treasure! It is rightfully going towards The Battle Act!
Bob: he stops struggling and looks up Huh? What the hell do you mean by that? he can't make out who it is because of his current position and his inability to fully turn around
All three of the Cats rush in and grab a version of the Banana treasure each. Cat uses the Normal Banana to whack the figure in the head, which causes him to let go of Bob.
Cat: Gross Cat, stop it! He's one of us. I believe you received the message that we got a Human on our team, right? he looks up at Gross Cat
Tank Cat: he blushes and fidgets in embarrassment Uhh, I believe I forgot to send the message to Gross Cat, my bad. Heheh.
Gross Cat: Tank Cat, quit acting like such an idiot for once! You'll make somebody smash their head through that wooden wall! he grins as he rests his paw from his long arm on Tank Cat, to his embarrassment
Bob: he turns around and looks up at Gross Cat God Damn, you must be Gross Cat. Heard a lot of stuff about you, dude. he grins at the towering feline in front of him
Gross Cat looks almost exactly like Cat and Axe Cat, as his head is literally exactly the same as Cat's. But what makes him stand out is his insanely tall size. This is because he has four REALLY long legs. He stands at a towering 6'0! Which for a Cartoon Cat is really tall. But his legs appear quite skinny because of the small width and depth of them.
Gross Cat: Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there big guy. I should introduce myself. My name is Gross Cat, I am the midrange or long range attacker of the group. I am also one of the tallest. Hah. How I attack is simple really. I whack with my legs! he shows Bob an example by whacking a hole into the Filipino base And arguably, consider me the funniest Cat out of the branch! I never fail to lighten the mood when the world is so fucking dull, or full of cocky and arrogant twats who believe they're above the world. Pleased to make your acquaintance, Señor. he puts out a paw for a handshake, but accidentally slaps Bob with it Oops, my bad.
Bob: Ow. he rubs his forehead Oh, and I'm Portuguese, not Spanish, so you want to say senhor. But I don't give a fuck, and neither do you. I think I love you already! he grins smugly as he shakes his paw I should introduce myself. My name's Ro- gets interrupted by another Cat barging into the enemy base
????? ???: Okay, time to get some treasure! The Special Forces are definitely worried sick about me...the mysterious figure rushes in to get the treasure but sees it's already taken Oh never mind. You all did it. Good job!
Bob, Cat, Tank Cat, Axe Cat, and Gross Cat turns to see whoever just barged in. It turned out it was no other than Ninja Cat. She beans with cocky pride as she investigates the room further. Axe Cat looks pissed
Gross Cat: Oh there you are, Ninja Cat! I thought you got lost looking for a bunch of Filipino bananas. Hah!
Ninja Cat: Nope, I just wanted to find the snake I just attacked! she holds up a bandaged Snache, who is struggling to get out of her grip
Snache: Let me go! You filthy, invisible, sneaky bitch! Before I bite some venom into you!
That Guy C: weakly You're not a venomous snake though!
Snache: turns to That Guy C You! Shut the fuck up! You and your...back-of-the-head birthmark! he snarls in anger and embarrassment
Ninja Cat: Be grateful I bandaged you up, "Snitch" she tosses him away anyways, ignoring that. Who's the big Human standing in front of me? she glances at Bob, impressed with his build
Snache: It's Snache, you imbecile! he glares at her once more before being picked up by Doge
Doge: We give up. We'll be back for revenge, with a twist...trust me. he grins as he leaves with Snache and Those Guys
Tank Cat: Hey Ninja Cat! Long time no see friend. he smiles brightly
Ninja Cat: What's up Tank Cat? she paw-fives him and returns the smile, before turning to Axe Cat Hey lame-o! she slaps the back of his head, with a different type of smile on her face, a more cunning one
Axe Cat: he snarls What the hell do you want? Beat me in another match? Make me look like the fool you think I am? he glares at her with annoyance
Cat: he's giggling at the commotion Oh I believe there's someone you should meet! Ninja! he pushes Bob forward, to his surprise
Ninja Cat: Finally! I've been waiting for too long. I don't have much time, you know?
Gross Cat: Hey! Where's my introduction to this guy? he raises an eyebrow as he looks at Cat with dissatisfaction
Bob: I believe I'll give you both a good introduction. One which you two will never forget. Sem dúvida. (Without doubt) he clears out the other Cats to get a closer look at Ninja Cat
Ninja Cat looks exactly like Cat and Axe Cat, when it comes to basic posture. A white cartoon Cat with the exact same face found in the former and Gross Cat. However, unlike the others, she is wearing a gray Ninja outfit and a white bandanna across her forehead inside the suit. On her back, she wields a traditional Japanese katana sword, the ones found in ancient Japanese culture.
Ninja Cat: I believe Daddy Long Legs over here wants your introduction first! I'll tell you who I am later. she smirks as she shoves Axe Cat out of the way sits down next to Gross Cat, to the former's irritation
Bob: Okay, I can only do this a certain amount of times before it gets to my fucking head. My name is Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy. But feel free to call me Bob, as it is much easier to say. I am 16 years old, yet I have enough physical strength to make most grown men cry like sissies. he grins slyly The reason I am here alongside The Battle Act is because I was supposed to be sent to a disciplinary camp in North Korea by my mother. However, the boat I was on went on the currents, and I landed in South Korea, where I met Cat, and eventually, the others. I hope my journey alongside these Cats will help better myself as a person. As I have bottled up anger from my absentee father. he sighs before continuing He said he left because a Russian industry in Eastern Siberia made scientific breakthrough or some shit. But yeah, now I am here. Now tell me about yourself Ninja Cat. Pleasure to meet you by the way.
All five Cats, including Cat, Tank and Axe, who have never heard of the absent father bit of the story, all stare at Bob in awe and sympathy.
Cat: Bob...how come you never told us about this? It all makes much more sense now...he sighs as he hugs Bob, followed by Tank Cat
Tank Cat: That must have been hard for you Bob. What age were you when he left?
Bob: grits his teeth in grief, causing some blood to escape his gums I was six...I don't even remember what he looks like. He is a lot older now. But hey, doesn't matter now. It's in the past. I guess, the information just slipped! Heh...he attempts to reassure the Cats and change the subject with his usual attitude back Ninja Cat, who the hell are you now?
Ninja Cat: Oh right...she just let the information sit in, before returning to her usual demeanor I'm Ninja Cat. The quietest, smartest, sneakiest, combat-maniac of The Special Forces. A branch of the Battle Cats industry. I am also proud to be the rival of Axe Cat in combat. And being strong against Red Enemies! she smirks slyly at Axe Cat, to which he grumbles in anger Have you came across Red Enemies? No? You'll eventually find out. Anyways, on the topic of a certain other combat-maniac, I beat him 10-1! Isn't that impressive or what? Nice to meet you Bob, I believe whenever we meet, we'd make good company for one another! she jumps on him and shakes his hand rapidly
Axe Cat: That one win I rightfully got! Caught you by surprise when I actually beat you with Matilda, didn't I? he smirks at Ninja Cat
Ninja Cat: Actually, I had a sprained ankle bro. Better luck next time, cheater! Also, who the fuck names their axe? she stares at him in disbelief, before ironically, turning to her sword on her back Shh...don't listen to the crazy Cat, Henry, he's just jealous over the bond we share.
Axe Cat: OH COME ON! I never knew your ankle was sprained. Who even cares about their opponent having sore bones?
Bob: rubbing his stiff hand from the rapid handshake Meu Deus! (Oh my God!) Settle this outside at least. I want to see you two battle it out. Heh, and by the way, Axe, since you won over a sprained ankle AND bragged about it, it's officially 10-0. Bob smirks at the two of them, to Ninja's happiness, and Axe's despair
Axe Cat: AW COME ON BOB! You're supposed to be on my side. he glares at Bob angrily
Gross Cat: Yeah! Settle this outside, I want to see who will obtain their eleventh, or first, win! he grins as he makes his way outside of the enemy base
Cat: This will surely be an intense moment! As it will determine who will obtain a special one to replace their zero! he chuckles loudly
Tank Cat: Bob, who do you think will win? I'm betting on Ninja Cat! Hundred Cat Food! he grins brightly at Bob
Bob: Well, we'll find out eventually once we actually make it outside...he follows everyone else I just want to see what the duel looks like in person. he flicks his toothpick as he embraces the night sky
Bob, Cat, Tank Cat, and Gross Cat are inside the Cat Base drinking fresh Filipino banana tea. Discussing about their next adventure.
Bob: This is actually some fucking good tea! Too bad Axe Cat and Ninja Cat are going to be fighting instead of drinking it. he smirks Say Cat? Where are we going to next?
Cat: smiles brightly as he flicks through his log book We are all going to Japan! It is also where we came from, Nya! The treasure which we will obtain over in Japan is Topknot! his smile instantly fades But the bad news is...we'll be facing a boss! And they seem to be really powerful. he looks at Bob in fear I think that is what Doge meant earlier...he gulps
Gross Cat: Hah! No need to worry about that! I'll be able to attack them from afar, while everyone else protects me. I'm not some idiot who can't stand up for himself, but it is strategical logic. he grins at the little idea he came up with
Tank Cat: chokes on his tea, and coughs it out Agh! Oh Gross Cat, the benefits of being tall, my friend. he sighs as he cleans up the mess he made
Bob: I actually like his idea to be honest. But we'll go over it tomorrow. I'm staying up to see the fight! Tank Cat? Do you have the Cat Food?
Tank Cat: slams one hundred tins of Cat Food onto the table Oh, you bet your sweet ass I do! he chuckles as he rushes outside with Bob
Cat: Are you coming Gross? he stands up eagerly and makes his way outside
Gross Cat: Yep! Right behind you, Cat. he pounces from the chair he was sitting on to the backyard
It is almost midnight, Axe Cat and Ninja Cat are preparing to have an epic duel. Everyone else sits from afar and watches. Bob and Tank Cat both place a hundred Cat Food tins each onto the floor, making it a total of two hundred. Everyone is quietly discussing the fight until the two fighters come out.
Cat: Shush everyone, it's happening. Let's embrace it.
Gross Cat: I can't see Ninja Cat. Oh wait, she's camouflaging, that's neat!
Bob: Here they come, holy shit.
Axe Cat and Ninja Cat come out of two opposite bushes and face each other. Once the moon fully illuminates the backyard of the Cat Base, the battle begins! Ninja Cat rushes into Axe Cat and begins to attempt to remove his axe with her sword. Having a lot more agility because of her lighter weapon and mastery of being a Ninja.
Axe Cat: Jokes on you, my axe is offering a lot of defense against you and your attacks. he smirks as he pushes Ninja Cat's sword away
Ninja Cat is quick to take advantage of Axe Cat's lower angle and attacks him with her sword, gently cutting him without causing severe injury, but enough to cause bleeding.
Ninja Cat: Nice "defense" there, loser. she continues to attack until Axe Cat blocks her attacks
Axe Cat: I will win, no matter what. I prayed to Cat God that he will give me the victory. he turned to face the spectators I did the high-pitched meow thing like you said Bob. Heheh.
Bob: Yeah, anytime, Axe Cat. He grins as he gives a thumbs up, he wants Axe Cat to win because he was forced to bet on him by Tank Cat
The epic duel between the two continues. Ninja Cat is barely touched, while Axe Cat is tattered up in the face. His heavy axe only able to do a few, slow timed swings. Which would do a lot of damage if they hit, but he misses every time in this battle, so it is a waste of energy. Axe Cat begins to tire out, and swings one last time before completely resting to regain his energy. Ninja Cat effortlessly swipes away his axe and attacks him onto the floor.
Ninja Cat: Strange, you almost landed a hit on me. You dweeb! she giggles as she claims another victory Eleven-nil.
Axe Cat: But...HOW?! he stares in disbelief, refusing to accept defeat
Tank Cat: rushes and hugs Ninja Cat Hooray! I bet Cat Food on your victory. in a sing-song manner Now I have two hundred Cat Food!
Bob: It's okay, I don't really like Cat-Food anyways. Plus, I don't even see the fucking value in it.
The Cats all approach Ninja Cat and start rewarding her on her victory. When all of a sudden, Axe Cat gets up, with a smirk on his face and sneaks up behind Ninja Cat.
Axe Cat: in a quiet tone Are your legs injured, Ninja?
Ninja Cat: No...you're too weak to even scratch them. Why? she stares at him in confusion
Axe Cat: MY VICTORY, THAT'S WHY!
He grabs his axe, and swings it right into Ninja Cat's legs, causing them to bleed out and become temporarily unusable.
Ninja Cat: AGHH! You sneaky bastard. her face goes pale I can't get up...YOU RUINED MY LEGS! she puts her paws on her legs and attempts to soak up the bleeding
The other Cats and Bob stare at Axe Cat in pure shock. How he managed to take a win in a short moment. He is definitely a con-artist.
Bob: I'll be taking those. he slyly takes the 200 Cat Food off of Tank Cat, to his despair
Tank Cat: NO! he sighs in defeat, he lost the bet
Cat: I'm at a loss for words! Axe Cat, you absolutely destroyed her. I'm pretty sure she is unable to fight for at least a few days.
Axe Cat: he clearly doesn't care WOOH! I have earned back my victory! I have earned back my victory! he chants loudly in the night over his victory
Everyone else just stares in disbelief, except Gross Cat. Who joins in the celebration and dances alongside Axe Cat. Tank Cat takes the responsibility and carries Ninja Cat to the rest of The Special Forces' Cat Base and explains the context of what just happened. It has officially been called a night for The Battle Act, as they fall asleep in their rooms. Unable to wait for their first boss fight with Bob tomorrow.
TO BE CONTINUED
I did it. Phew. This chapter was really long! I was trying to fit enough plot without sounding too repetitive. Here not only Gross Cat debuts, but also Ninja Cat! I even referenced The Cat God once again. If you play Empire of Cats, you unlock Special Units, so I decided to give them their own alliance in the game.
But that's enough about me and my adaptation, stay tuned for the next edition very soon!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The Character Bob is owned by me, however, feel free to use him, just as long as you credit the owner.
This fiction is 100% unofficial and can be considered as "fan-made".