WELCOME ALL TO THE KICK-ASS SEVENTH EDITION OF THE BATTLE CATS: X! THIS IS ALSO THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE FIRST ARC OF THE FIRST SAGA. THE ENERGY DRINKS ARC, IN THE BATTLE CATS RISING SAGA. ENJOY THIS MASTERPIECE.
It was a day like no other, Cat, Tank Cat, Axe Cat, and Gross Cat are all pondering about their fight against Bob's first Boss encounter. Bob walks into the main hallway of the Cat Base as he tries on some new Brass Knuckles he found in a garbage bin.
Cat: Well, it's official. We're in Japan, our homeland! Time to soak this all in before risking our lives to the death against this boss. Is everyone ready for an adventure of our lives?
Bob: rubbing his new brass knuckles against his fingertips Well, why wouldn't we? We got this whole day to prepare ourselves for when that time comes. So why even stress out over it?
Tank Cat: I am so excited to meet this boss once and for all! It is going to be an exciting battle with lots of blood. But I am mainly hyped about being in Japan again. he stares at Bob's new brass knuckles Hey Bob, where did you find those?
Bob: Oh, I found these little fuckers in a garbage bin. So I decided to try them on. And they look pretty good on me. I am liking the silver color scheme going with it.
Gross Cat: So, I'm guessing they fit like a glove? Semi-literally! he chuckles Me and you are going to carry these three chumps to victory. And we will not stop until we obtain the treasure. the other Cats seem offended
Axe Cat: Hey, is there a pair for me by any chance? I would really like to have my own spare pair of brass knuckles. They would definitely come in handy in times like these, you never know. he sharpens his Axe with some sandpaper
Bob: While you guys are blabbering about my new ice, I'm just going to do some curls with some large enough rocks. Adeus, filhos da puta. (So long, motherfuckers) Bob goes outside to do some curls with two evenly sized rocks the size of a PC
While the four Cats are inside talking about Bob's brass knuckles, Cat comes outside and joins Bob. Seeming to have more information on the boss fight at hand.
Cat: Hey, do you mind if I join you? he settles down next to Bob as he grabs a third rock and does some kettlebell-like squats with it I have new information on the boss fight we will be partaking in.
Bob: he grins as he flicks his toothpick Really? That's neat. Tell me all about it. he continues his curls What is the boss' name? What do they look like? I'm curious enough to find out about it so I can kick their asses the first chance I get! Heh.
Cat: he grins alongside Bob Okay, their name is Hippoe, now the thing is: We don't know if Hippoe is a he or a she! Because of their voice and lack of a gendered personality. But that's not the thing that makes Hippoe scary. Hippoe performs area attacks! Just like Tank Cat, except they have powerful ones. Which is not good for us...or Tank Cat strength wise!
Bob: With Gross Cat's range, and my offensive capability. Male or female, this Hippoe bastard is going down in a few hits! No matter what its stats say. he chuckles as he stands up and punches one of his rocks, it cracks, but his fingers are all tattered from the rock
Cat: This is why I love having you on our side Bob, you know what to do in these types of situations! Now let's show this Hippo how Hungry we are!
Bob and Cat both rush back inside the Cat Base, they grab the Cat Cannon's remote control to have in handy. The two begin to explain the situation to the others and they make their way out of the Cat Base. Tank Cat comes out with black paint on his face. Axe Cat attempts to break down the door, only for it to be open, but quickly regains his cocky pride. And Gross Cat swoops out the door and looks out at the Japanese enemy base.
Gross Cat: So, is this supposed to be the base that has the Topknot treasure? Let's see if I can see it from up here...
Axe Cat: I sure hope we are able to get our hands on this treasure. Because we will be able to afford some buffs then.
Tank Cat: Wow, I think I can see Hippoe from here. I hope they aren't too menacing...he gulps as he keeps his eyes open for the enemies
Bob: I'm taking a look at this enemy base out here. He steps out to see the enemy base
The Japanese enemy base is a stereotypical base based off of maikos, also known as "Apprentice Geishas" in English. There is a maiko in front of Kinkaku-Ji. Which is a very popular Buddhist temple in the country. It is mainly yellow in color, with the maiko wearing red attire. Suddenly, a large Hippopotamus comes out of the door, and stomps its way out in front of its competition.
??????: Say, who are you five? And what are you doing here after our treasure!?the figure seems really angry
Gross Cat: he gulps This hippo looks so pissed off at us, to the point where they could eat us all up in one go, and still have enough room for dessert! Oh, it's Hippoe, WE'RE SO FUCKED!
Tank Cat: Oh really? I thought you had the best idea of how to deal with them. he smirks at Gross Cat I never realized I would die a death of honor. But I am way too young to die! he bites the claws on the tips of his paws
Axe Cat: Surely just do what Bob says. That is what got me from China to Japan in less than a week! Isn't that right Bob? Just do whatever the hell you say? he stares at Bob with desperation in his eyes
Bob: he has a smug grin on his face as he approaches Hippoe calmly Hey! Hippoe, I heard a lot about you. Are you ready to have your ass handed to you or what? he cracks his knuckles through the brass First, tell me who you are.
Hippoe: Right, you must be the Human everyone else has been talking about. I suppose it is only fair for me to introduce myself and tell you information about who I am. Hippoe, at your service. Proud rival of The Battle Cats and all of their branches. I am a hippo with a large enough mouth, enough room to attack many enemies as possible. Compared to the little puppy, lizard, and those twigs over there. they point their massive fingers towards Doge, Snache and Those Guys, who all appear insulted I am also the first boss you've ever encountered. However, this will not make me a boss in all of our encounters. I'll show you what makes me a boss fight at the moment. But first, tell me about yourself now? they look into Bob with sinister eyes
Bob stands there and looks at his opponent. Hippoe is a white, cartoonish looking hippopotamus. They have a large build, making them as big as a small Jeep. Which is still huge in comparison to their peers. They have a large mouth which can possibly fit an entire watermelon down their throat. And they have a more square build in comparison to the more rounded, real life hippos. They also sport four, stubby legs, and large nostrils close together. Making them a unique figure. However, they still have all the features a real hippo has. But on a white, simplified, cartoonish body.
Bob: Okay then. My name is Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, but everyone I come across calls me Bob. I'm 16 years old. And I am not from here. I was sent on a boat to a disciplinary camp somewhere in North Korea. However, the boat went on the wrong currents and ended up in South Korea instead. Where I met The Battle Act's member, Cat. And ever since I've been fighting alongside him and his colleagues ever since I can remember! So now I am here to take the Topknot treasure, all three variants right from you. If you disagree with anything I said, I will give you a smack with my brass knuckles. How about that, Hippoe?
Hippoe: I suppose it is time to show you what a boss can do. It can only happen once, and it's on our arrival. Are you ready boys? they turn towards the other enemies, with a smug grin
Doge: Ready when you are! Fire straight ahead. he beams brightly at the idea of what's about to come
Those Guys simultaneously: Do it Hippoe! We believe that you can execute it quite well! Show that bitch hell!
Snache: So, are you going to do it or what? We're all waiting for you to do your thing, you know?
Bob: Cat is right, Hippoe really does have a gender neutral voice! Far too fucking nasally to determine their gender. Ah, que dificuldade. (Oh, what difficulty)
Cat: Uh oh...here it comes. Cat shakes in fear as he looks at Hippoe
Axe Cat: Once they drop it, we will be put in a huge disadvantage. Make sure we are ready to counter it, otherwise why consider ourselves as Battle Cats?
Gross Cat: Let's all run right ahead towards the enemies the second we land. Just to make sure they don't get anywhere near our base. Surely, this move alone can be considered as the one-way ticket to hell!
Tank Cat: Bob, are you ready for what's about to come? This will definitely scare you the first time experiencing if. Also, it is not only us going after their base. No, you see, the enemies are also trying to steal all of our technology and resources! So they can be ahead of the competition. We rely on the world's treasure to fund the costs of our base and weaponry. We'll focus on that later, okay? Here it comes, get ready to run as Gross Cat said, okay?
Bob: What the hell do you mean b- gets interrupted by Hippoe
Hippoe: OKAY! Time to send...THE BOSS WAVE!
The Boss wave is a unique feature that the "bosses" of fights have. It is a special effect located on their attacking parts to create a wave that sends the opponents, in this case, The Cats flying backwards, and potentially, behind the Cat Base, leaving it vulnerable to attacks and raids. There are only a certain amount of boss wave moves available, so in most cases, it is either never used at all, or reserved for a single unit. The boss wave is also a one time move.
Hippoe: On three. One...two...THREE!
Hippoe bites down on the air. Sending all of the Cats and Bob flying out into the air, they all land behind the Cat Base. The other enemies were unaffected because they were standing behind Hippoe and letting them do their powerful boss move.
Cat: Oh shit! They're rushing ahead. Everyone! Quickly rush forward before they can approach the Cat Base. he rushes up ahead Deal with the most agile units first. Those Guys are making their way to the base faster than anyone else. Prioritize them!
The Battle Begins! Bob, and the rest of the Cats make their way up ahead. Gross Cat slaps one of Those Guys away from afar, causing him to go unconscious and bruise up from landing on hard concrete. Axe Cat uses his axe to slice away at another, causing his head, and his right knee to bleed out, causing him to fall onto the floor. And Tank Cat lands on the third remaining Guy and smacks him on the head with his own. Bob supports by kicking That Guy's head in.
That Guy A: weakly Damn it! Why do I have to deal with the long ranged attacks all the fucking time! he rubs his bruised up head
That Guy B: Better than having your knee and head all sliced up. he grabs onto his knee as blood drips from it Why does my leg have to be as thick as a stick!
That Guy C: SOMEONE GET THIS KITTY CAT OFF OF MY BACK. And can that same person or someone else get this Human to not kick my head. Ow! Why are you guys prioritizing us?
Bob: You're the fastest and most agile out of all the enemies. So we had to deal with you as soon as possible. And plus, you already know our names you idiota! (Obvious translation)
Tank Cat: Cat's already going after Snache, the second fastest of the enemies. Well, fourth, if you consider all three of Those Guys.
Cat is pouncing on Snache, who doesn't take it very lightly and bites Cat. Causing his torso to bleed out. Bob rushes in and smacks Snache with his brass knuckles, causing Snache to bleed from the mouth.
Cat: H-hey, thanks Bob. I appreciate that. he coughs some blood Shit. He actually bit me well.
Bob: Hey Snache, fuck off before I kick your ass in, okay? You mess with a cat, you mess with me.
Snache: You ruined my face, I don't want anything else to get ruined by your brass knuckles. he mumbles as he slithers away, cupping his bottom lip
Cat: Now we have to deal with Doge. But honestly, he's arguably the easiest one to deal with. In my opinion! he giggles as he teases Doge, which he hears
Doge: Hey I heard that by the way! I am not going to let you get near Hippoe, us dogs have an incredible sense of smell AND hearing. So you better be careful, OH SHIT, BOB HAS BRASS KNUCKLES. he stares in awe at the Brass Knuckles on Bob's fists W-where did you find those mate?
Bob: In a garbage bin nearby. he flicks his toothpick in his mouth before spitting it out That boss wave really did a shit ton of damage on my back. I feel like I'm sixty years old! So, are we going to deal with you the easy way? Or the hard way? You decide. he cracks his knuckles
Gross Cat swoops in with grace and slaps Doge across the face, causing him to go down without any hesitation. His face is bruised up, but he gets up effortlessly.
Doge: Okay, Gross Cat, that was highly uncalled for! Why the fuck do you have to do this again? After the events of yesterday even. Why!? he glares at Gross Cat angrily, before rushing and biting his leg, causing some of it to bleed
Gross Cat: OH CRAP! He's on my leg! He's on my leg! He's on my leg! he attempts to shake him off, but that only causes Doge's teeth to move around, causing the cut to become wider and deeper BOB! Get him off me...
Bob: Okay fine, I'll help you. Bob grabs Doge and throws him onto Axe Cat, for him to deal with instead
Axe Cat: Hey, why do I have to deal with Doge? Unfair as hell...he scoffs, to Doge's offense
Doge: he growls Can someone take my encounter as a compliment and a real threat, rather than an insulting joke for once!? he whimpers quietly
Tank Cat: I would, but I'm focusing on Snache at the moment. he is whacking his head at Snache
Snache: Can you please stop that? It's ruining my water color body paint. He whispers under his breath (imbecile...).
Tank Cat: You whisper way too loudly. I could easily hear that. Also teach me how to apply it on please! I don't think I did a good job with this body paint...he whacks Snache with his head again, to his annoyance
Seeing as their support is either unconscious, injured, or distracted, Hippoe yells out, and grabs everyone's attention. Now everyone is looking at Hippoe to see what they have to say.
Hippoe: ENOUGH! I don't need support from wimps like yourselves. Now go and piss off, you clearly have better things to attend to if THIS is the effort you choose to put into the fight. Hippoe spits out a cup's worth of saliva onto the ground, before glaring at Bob You...one-on-one, NOW! Hippoe begins to charge at Bob
Bob: adjusts his brass knuckles before pounding them together Bring it on, Hipopótamo!(Hippo!) Give me your fucking all...
And so, the Cats and the enemies par Hippoe, clear out of the way to let Bob take on Hippoe on his own and vice versa. The two charge at one-another and Hippoe does the first attack by biting on Bob's abdomen, crushing it and causing it to bleed out painfully.
Hippoe: I love the taste of blood on a cold, winter's evening. they smirk, as they spit Bob onto the ground
Bob: GAHH! he coughs out a good bit of blood, and is barely able to stand I'm going to get you for this...and it is not going to be pretty! he wipes his face before approaching Hippoe
Cat: Oh my God! How long can he sustain such violent attacks!? Wait a second...he looks at the Cat Cannon remote control, and smirks as an idea pops in his head
Tank Cat: Bob sure has a lot of durability on the field. It is impressive how he actually managed to sustain all of these attacks without giving up!
Axe Cat: There is no way this kid is made out of meat and bones. There has to be some sort of titanium in this guy's body! To explain this Godly durability is impossible.
Gross Cat: I wonder what is his breaking point. His abdomen is literally punctured! And he's still going. What a beast he is...he gulps in fear
Doge: I'll hand it to him. Despite being enemies, I believe he is definitely a fighter to show huge respect towards. Even if that means being an ass to him on the field.
Snache: He single-handedly managed to beat all of us without any help at least once during his time here. What is this fuel that he is driving on!?
Those Guys simultaneously: HIPPOE MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE AT LOSING TO BOB!
Hippoe: Ignore the crowd, they're spitting fake news into your youthful, vulnerable ears. they growl Accept defeat and we can end this right here, right now!
Bob: shakes slightly as he stares into Hippoe's eyes Not a fucking...
Bob rushes into Hippoe and deals a massive blow to their face, causing them to go down and bleed from the nose. Resulting in severe face damage and blurry vision
Bob:...CHANCE!!
Hippoe: AGH! coughs some blood You son of a bitch, GET BACK HERE! they attempt to charge at Bob, but he slides away deals a kick to their ribs OWW! they fall to the ground
Bob: he weakly approaches Hippoe and coughs some blood from the impact he received himself Any last words before I send you out of here? he grins slyly
Hippoe: Eat...they cough hoarsely...dick! they glare at Bob with hatred
Before long, Bob charges at Hippoe and turns to Cat, with a smirk on his face. He shouts out a command.
Bob: NOW CAT! he quickly stuffs his face with Cat Food
Cat: Roger that, Bob! he fires the Cat Cannon, causing it to do its thing and create small explosions onto the ground
As the Cat Cannon's blast knocks back Hippoe and puts them mid-air, Bob leaps up and kicks Hippoe's stomach right into the enemy base, causing it to completely shatter, and the inferior, normal, and superior Topknots to go flying.
Bob: I'll take those...he grabs the falling treasure as they land right into his clutch, but before he can celebrate, he collapses on the ground
The Cats all rush to Bob to pick him up and bring him to the Cat Base in a worried manner. Even the enemies give him a glance before carrying Hippoe away. Not long later, Bob is in his and Cat's bedroom, tucked in his bed. All covered in blood-stained bandages and his bleeding lips covered in a type of Vaseline.
Bob: weakly wakes up Ugh...there the fuck am I? he rubs his head in agony Oh hey Cats...
Cat: BOB! YOU'RE ALIVE! Cat pounces on Bob and embraces him in a big hug, nuzzling into him You were amazing out there man, how did you do it? he grins brightly
Bob: Honestly...I don't know. But I'm glad I did beat that crazy bastard. he chuckles weakly
The other three Cats are quick to follow suit and join in on the group hug. With Tank Cat even rubbing Bob's hair. They all seem relieved that he is okay after the intense fighting.
Tank Cat: With the help of the Cat Cannon, you single-handedly got us a win against Hippoe. Now that is something only a group of people can achieve. he continues to caress his hair in comfort
Axe Cat: If only Matilda was able to slice through Hippoe like that. We wouldn't have had to deal with this big issue in the first place! But ah well, you were badass out there Bob. he nudges Bob before hugging him tighter
Gross Cat: What can I say that hasn't been already said? Hah. I guess the only thing I can ask out of you is to get some rest, eat some nutritious food, avoid stressful stuff, and you should be back in peak shape by tomorrow. And stay away from hippos! he chuckles as he rummages his paw through Bob's head
Bob: visibly much better from the comfort of the Cats alone Yeah...I'll get better soon. But say, where are we heading to next? he bends up and looks at everyone, clutching his abdomen in comfort What treasures will be found?
Cat: I knew you were going to ask that Bob. he smirks as he playfully pushes Bob'sface We are going to Australia! To obtain the treasure known as a Didgeridoo. Stereotypical yes, but valuable! You can't deny that! And it's only Doge, Snache, and Those Guys as enemies. Now Mr. Mourinho, you will go to sleep and dream action packed dreams while tucked into bed, safe and sound. Understood?
Bob: Hah, okay I'll sleep, you can trust me. Okay...good night Cats. I'll see you all tomorrow.
Cat: Sweet dreams Bob...he gives Bob one last cuddle before leaving the room, the other Cats follow him out
Downstairs, The Cats are all discussing about the treasure. And how they managed to easily save enough for supplies. They all stare in shock and awe as the treasure piles down.
Gross Cat: So Cat, what's the final verdict, dweeb? he playfully whacks Cat in the back of the head
Cat: Will you give me a moment!? he stares angrily at Gross Cat before counting the treasure Okay, that's Kimchi, Portable Tent, Shark Fin, Collar of the Gilded, Smiles of Children, Banana, and the Topknot! We did it!We have enough to afford the Energy Drinks! Finally...
Axe Cat: So now, we'll have an increased rate of energy. Therefore, an increased rate of income, as we obtain more treasure much more efficiently! he smirks with pride
Tank Cat: This is excellent! Now the enemies will be fearing us once our reaction speeds increase rapidly! Hahah.
Cat: And it's all thanks to the Human I met less than a week ago...thanks Bob. he smiles happily to the staircase
Tank, Axe and Gross Cat simultaneously: Thanks Bob!
Now the Cats make their way to local retailers, and sell their valuable treasure in exchange for the energy drinks. Making them officially stronger by default. And putting an end to a financial struggle, while starting another.
TO BE CONTINUED
This was sure a fun ride wasn't it? The energy drinks Arc is now complete! The Battle Cats Rising Saga is now going to be entering its second Arc in the next edition. But for now, look through these fun moments we shared with Bob and his feline pals. And see the impact it left on him. Character development is highly visible here. Now Hippoe made their debut, and the Cat Cannon got used for once! The energy drinks also got filled, so now the Cats are buffed. I stayed as respectful to the source material as possible when it came to adapting it into a story feature.
But for now, stay tuned until the next episode!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The character Bob is owned by me, however feel free to use him, just as long as you credit the owner.
The board game which I referenced: Hungry Hungry Hippos, is owned by Hasbro.
This fiction is 100% unofficial, and can be considered as Fan-Made.