Lin had been thinking about her conversation with Tenzin earlier. The fact that she couldn't have his children because she had to have a secret abortion at twelve. She had always suspected that it was the cause of their breakup, a burden she had carried for so long. The reason they broke was because of something that was taken from her.
Lin never wanted to be a mother because she was afraid of what the child's life would be like, considering the stress they had both endured. She admitted that she would have tried for children with Tenzin, positive that with him by her side, they would have been okay. But that choice was taken away, just like everything else.
She didn't know what possessed her to tell him that one morning when Xooang had to go back to work, but the weight had been lifted as they cried together, confessing something that had hurt her soul. She pushed Tenzin into Pema's arms with her coldness, anger, impatience, and the burden of carrying that secret for thirty years with nobody to tell. They had been friends like before, and he held her in one of the lowest points of her life. He left when he got a call from his son on the island .
"I don't like how much he visits you. That he feels so comfortable. He's touching you and getting so close after he took advantage of you," Xooang said after Tenzin left.
"He didn't, and we're friends now. It wasn't like he knew, and I wanted to do it. If you're jealous, just say that. Don't act like it's because of anything else," Lin said flatly.
"What do you call a guy that cheats on his long-term girlfriend, then cheats on the wife he left his long-term girlfriend for in a moment of poor decision due to trauma? Because I say that guy is a scumbag creep, not a friend," Xooang scoffed.
"He didn't know, you need to stop, Xooang, his wife might be near" the younger woman commanded.
"I don't care about him or his wife or any of them," Xooang replied gruffly.
"You said no, and that's fine. I'm more than capable of deciding on my own," Lin snapped angrily. She was still hurt that he had rejected her advances, wondering if he found her unattractive because she was getting by in a wheelchair when she wasn't sulking in her room.
"No, you're not, and you doing this shows it. You always do this, Lin. I'm not going to take advantage of you in this state like he did," Xooang called her out.
"Again, it's my life. I can decide what I want to do. I'm more than old enough," Lin glared defiantly.
"Do you want people to take advantage of you? Do you want that so bad that you tried to kill yourself, that you're not eating or sleeping anymore? I'm controlling because I'm telling you that man isn't shit," Xooang argues, his voice raising.
Lin's lips form a thin line of anger as she clutches her journal. She wishes she could walk so she could smack him.
"Don't. Start," Lin warns.
"Just admit you can't process your feelings. I'm here for you. I've been here for years. You don't have to be bound to them anymore," Xooang ignores her warning. He isn't scared of her.
"They care about me. You just don't understand," Lin defends.
"No, you don't understand. Because those people ruined love for you, they robbed you of having peace, and you're getting mad at me," Xooang says, growing frustrated.
He narrowly dodges something as Lin looks angry now. Lin throws her book in his direction out of anger and frustration that he wouldn't listen to her.
"Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about. You're pushing your feelings onto me," Lin feels on fire now. She is so tired, tired of everyone telling her how she should be responding to her life.
She isn't fragile and she has her own mind.
"They let you get hurt repeatedly. They abandoned you for years, to face this alone, for years, and never asked or questioned why. Instead, they labeled you difficult," the waterbender rants now, angry for her that she won't realize.
Lin opens her mouth to speak, but Xooang cuts her off.
"You do see what's wrong with that, right? You suffered for decades on your own with only conditional love and abuse. You think I'm not going to hate them," Xooang has reached his snapping point.
He hates her family and most of the people who saw something was wrong and turned a blind eye, but she keeps defending them.
"It's not anyone's job to babysit me. I can take care of myself by myself, like I always have," Lin yells back.
"Don't push me away. It's not a job. I actually love you, despite how stubborn and withdrawn you are, that you keep giving chances. I get that you just want their love, but-" Xooang tries to reason with her.
"Leave me alone. Get out," Lin cuts him off coldly.
"Not until you tell me what's really bothering you," Xooang demands.
"You are," her voice is fiery.
"Because?" Xooang tries to get her to express her feelings. She fights them, with all her might, desperate for control.
"I want to be alone. Leave me alone," Lin grumbles.
Lin turns to her side, away from him, as the Chief sniffles, losing all her control. Feelings are stupid, she thinks.
You're so weak and stupid.
She feels bare to the world without her armor, out of control and not sure what is what anymore. She sniffles again and feels the weight shift on the bed.
"I can't imagine how you feel right now. It must be so hard and confusing, and I want to be here for you," Xooang tried to soften his voice, hoping to reach her. But she didn't respond.
She inhaled, and her tears were gone just as quickly as they came. She stared into a wall until she heard a sigh of frustration.
Xooang decided to take a walk to cool off. As he opened the door, he realized that everyone had been listening at the door, and he didn't pretend to care that they heard what he thought of them as he moved past, saying, "What are you looking at? Get out of my way!" Xooang practically yelled as he departed, glaring down at Tenzin specifically.
He wondered if he had pushed too hard, but he wasn't one to coddle, just like his fiancée. Maybe this was the one time he was supposed to. Maybe he was judging too harshly. But he was worried.
They had to hook her up to a feeding tube, and it had been weeks since she had bothered to try physical therapy. How would she survive a trial like this?
Only Kya was brave enough to enter the room as they heard the violent crashes coming from within. Lin's rage was so intense as she trashed her room.
—-
Sokka tightly held her hands, his grip firm and unyielding. She couldn't pinpoint exactly when things had started to go awry, but the memory of being at Miao's house and being led into Miao's secret room was etched into her mind.
The door had been locked, and with a forceful push, she found herself on the bed, with Sokka looming over her. The weight of his body pressed down on her, a dark and shadowy figure that seemed to consume the room.
It felt as if a monstrous presence was ready to twist its claws into her, claiming her as its own. She turned her head to the side, shutting her eyes tightly, desperately trying to block out the terrifying image before her.
Her legs were pressed together as much as they could be, with Sokka's knee wedged between them. The fabric of his clothes rubbed against her inner thighs, causing discomfort and an awful squelching noise that seemed to echo in her ears alone.
Sweat mingled with the blood on her inner thighs, creating a sickening sensation that intensified her unease. He had claimed that he was showing her how much he loved her, but now, confusion clouded her thoughts. How could she even consider touching him at this moment?
He had hurt her, inflicted pain upon her. Yet, the conflicting emotions of love and fear intertwined within her, leaving her unsure of what to do next. The flash of a camera caught her attention, a cruel reminder of the violation she was enduring. Trembling uncontrollably, she listened to his grunts and felt his shaky hands running through her hair.
The all-too-familiar pain between her legs persisted, a constant reminder of the torment she was subjected to. While most children her age would curiously examine what caused them discomfort, Lin knew better. She turned away, refusing to confront the source of her agony.
And then, the position changed. A different pair of hands gripped her hips, their hold so tight that she could already feel bruises forming. The thrusts became harder, faster, and rougher, each movement accompanied by sweat, harshness, stickiness, and an overwhelming sense of disgust. She couldn't help but wonder if they were planning to kill her. Why did they engage in these acts so frequently now?
It felt like hours.
The pain she experienced surpassed even the grueling training sessions with her mother. The unbearable pain caused her to release a strangled whimper, her voice choked with anguish. One of them seemed to reach climax, their hips stuttering in their movements. She felt something wet and warm filling up her insides, a violation that left her feeling violated and defiled.
As Miao looked down at her with a smirk, she found herself wishing for death, for an end to the torment. Tears welled up in her eyes as Miao callously took pictures of her lying on the bed, capturing her vulnerability and pain. "If you stop crying, I'll heal you as soon as we're done," Miao taunted, his words dripping with vicious pleasure.
Sokka, unable to bear the weight of his own shame, averted his gaze, his thoughts consumed by the girl he couldn't protect, the girl he couldn't he couldn't contain his sick desire for her like he had the others. He felt his stomach twist at the photographer's cruelty but without a healer, he would be caught.
—
Lin vomited into the toilet, watching as the remnants of Lord Zuko's breakfast disappeared down the drain. Adjusting herself back in her wheelchair, she wished they wouldn't force her to eat anymore. She hadn't been able to sit in on the trial for long before she felt sick, overwhelmed by a flood of memories invading the mind of the older police chief. Outside the stall, Izumi waited, holding a glass of water. Lin passed her on her chair and washed her hands, her skin clammy and the bright lights causing a migraine.
Izumi sighed, wishing there was more she could do. Lin felt suffocated, as everyone watched her, her journal revealing a plan to commit suicide once more. Su pointed out the cruelty of making Lin endure a lengthy trial, especially when most of the parties chose to plead not guilty.
Kya felt relieved by the support she received from abuse advocacy groups, even though they usually received a cold response from the police chief. The had sat along her side during the trial and frequently reminded Lin that her bravery would save many people and had lead to more peope coming forward due to the trail. They avoided mentioning that the media did also deter some but most were embolden.
Lin simply didn't have the energy to care anymore.
Nobody could reach her.
As they neared the courtroom, Izumi attempted to reassure Lin, reminding her that nobody expected her to be invincible and that she didn't have to go back if she didn't want to. Xooang watched from a distance, wishing he could free her from this nightmare, while people took photos of her and the Firelord.
He held the door open as Lin returned to her spot next to the other women in the trial, listening to the lawyer argue how Sokka's journals indicated a consensual relationship with Miao. Uki countered with Lin's own diary entries from that time, causing bile to rise in her throat before dissociation shielded her momentarily.
She willed her tears away, hearing her six-year-old self's words, a child whose innocence had died long before that journal entry. The next thing she remembered was Raiko pretending to care about her, towering over her in her wheelchair, offering fake words commending her bravery. She wanted them to leave her alone. Su moved her chair away, leading her to the bison, attempting to avoid the paparazzi as much as possible. They were making progress on her walking, but she struggled to keep her mind in the present, as the current violations of her privacy triggered memories of past violations, causing her to shut down.
Xooang watched as they left, standing by Lin's side as best he could in those days. Ever since Kya was given her journal when Su, found out after Lin threw it at him during their fight, they put her on full watch.
They hadn't been able to talk about their fight, but he still watched her from a distance. He could endure her cold silence, but it was eating at him. He felt slightly relieved that she was trying to walk again, hoping that the frustration wouldn't consume her as things grew darker.
He made his way to his car when Tenzin and Mako approached. He looked at them with tired eyes, wondering what they wanted since they would all be heading the same way.
"Can we have a ride? We need to ask a few questions," Mako asked, his voice filled with emptiness and disillusionment as the press became ruthless towards the situation. Tenzin wondered where humanity had gone.
"Fine," Xooang Snarled.
They entered his car, and a dreadful silence filled the vehicle as Xooang tried to navigate through the crowd of people taking photos of the three. Exhaustion weighed heavily on his bones, and he was just a witness to the harsh reality faced by his fiancée. He made a mental note to pick up some more comforting items for their house. His thoughts were interrupted by Mako.
"I assumed you were going to the hospital," Mako asked, noting that they were going the wrong way.
"Yes, in a moment. But I wanted to bring Lin some more comfortable things for her room today. It's just getting so hard for her. She's like a ghost of herself now," Xooang admitted to Mako, completely ignoring Tenzin.
he wished he could smack the arrow off of him , but Xooang was physically weak, and Tenzin was a master airbender.
"I see. I think she needs space, but it's hard now with everyone hovering over her after Su read her journal," Mako informed Xooang.
"Of course she did," Xooang couldn't hide his disdain.
That woman never apologized for anything she did. He wondered if she even cared that she was adding to Lin's pain.
"We're here to ask if you have any theories about the leak," Tenzin finally asked. Xooang sighed.
"I bet it's the press. Somehow, someone who's going to make money from her story."
"You don't think it's someone close in her circle?" Mako asked.
"Well, her circle, from what I know, is you. Maybe I don't know if she hates me now. And her outer circle is the rest of you. If one of you is leaking, we probably would've noticed. But given that the details have been about her trial and the abuse, it must be someone who would benefit from that," Xooang rambled.
"How would they even manage such a thing?" Tenzin asked, his voice laced with dread.
"I don't know, but if Lin says this kid's a fantastic detective, I'm hoping he figures it out. I have Lin to worry about. I'm a musician, not a cop, sadly," Xooang rambled, his exhaustion causing him to miss a traffic light.
Mako suggested that he pull over so he could drive instead.
—-
"I didn't understand why they wanted to take pictures of me," Lin sounded like her old self, a mask to get through the task at hand the first time on the stand.
After listening to the man who hurt her get examined and cross-examined, evidence was brought forward and the attorneys battled. It was all a blur.
"But it made Sokka happy to always have me by his side as an image when he traveled. That he loved me, that's what he told me anyways. And I endured the discomfort because I made him happy when I only seemed to make everyone else angry and disappointed," Lin sighed, her eyes focused on a pillar, trying to be as still as a statue.
"You didn't think it was weird-"
"I was a child, not quite the conversationalist." Lin attempted to regain control.
"Chief, I'm asking the questions here. You didn't think it was weird that they insisted you keep it a secret?" Tao commanded, Lin's eyes narrowed.
"No. Everything was a 'little secret', from my grandparents demanding to keep not having a dad a secret to my mom's plethora of secrets. I understood the stakes when my grandfather sent me to an orphanage because I forgot I wasn't supposed to tell my grandmother about his drinking. My grandmother sent a servant to get me back after a few hours." Su looked over at her mother, fighting the urge to pat her shoulder as she looked ashamed.
"So you're admitting to being a liar from a young age." Tao suggested.
"No, I learned from an early age that if I knew what was good for me, I would just do whatever made the adults happy. From being seen and not heard to being groomed to be an easy target for a predator to take advantage of the fact that I was overlooked."
Lin took a glance at Uki, who seemed nervous. She personally wished Lin had time to process it all before having to go on the stand, but it all had to go on. Uki worried about the strain this was causing the Chief.
"Miao knew how to scare me into silence," Lin admitted.
"When did my client make said threats? From what I gathered from your own accounts, you were quite pleased with all the attention." Tao's tone implied she enjoyed the ordeal.
"That's what I had to tell myself, to get past how disgusting I felt every time they put me in more uncomfortable situations. Two adult men taking photos of me and getting invasive as they grew more aware that nobody would notice or care."
Lin swallowed back a lump forming in her throat.
"On top of that, the manipulation and fear that if they got caught, I would be in trouble and nobody would take my side. Feeling like I did something wrong. I just wanted a father, a family to want me, and I got violated instead."
Lin's words hung heavy in the courtroom, the weight of her pain palpable.
"How did you meet my client, Miao?" Tao asked.
Lin thought back to that night.
"It was autumn. My mother was in labor. Sokka and I had to wait outside after visiting hours, so Sokka suggested we camp out. He said it would be fun and we would play games." Lin swallowed heavily; she kept her voice even, but she didn't want to relive it.
"I felt nervous. I didn't love some of the 'games'. As I know now, it was just... I was being groomed. But I was alone. Up until that point, I had only really interacted with my grandparents and mother, and they clearly wished I didn't exist, so I went along with it. I really wanted a dad."
"And what does this have to do with my-"
"Let me finish. I'm getting to it," Lin said darkly.
The burly man looked at her with a hint of fear. She was still Lin Beifong behind her dissociative eyes.
"The energy of the 'game' changed as it progressed. It was like a monster overtook my friend, my only ally in the world. I didn't know why he was doing it." Lin willed back her tears.
Her voice numb.
"I couldn't stop him. I was four. I just revealed my element, which was why my grandparents sent me back. They didn't want to deal with it."
Tao focused on her words. He had a job to do, but he too felt squeamish as the old lady in front of him recounted that night.
"That was the first time he assaulted me. And when I didn't stop bleeding, he panicked and drove around all night, even though I wanted to be there for the new baby, my little brother, so he wouldn't be lonesome."
Lin took a breath.
"That's when I met Miao, and unfortunately, the vitriol didn't end that night as they worked out a deal. Then he healed me. When we got back, we found out the baby didn't make it, and I thought it was all my fault."
Tao silently pondered his next question. The courtroom was silent. The weight was solemn with the gloaming of what she shared with a room of mostly strangers. Katara stared at the floor in shame. If she had gone outside. If anyone had gone outside, they could've helped her. She felt tears fall and the warm embrace of her children.
Lin couldn't bear to look at them, guilt eating away at her as the weight grew in the silence.
"And did your mother notice?"
Lin shot Tao a dirty look. The need to shield the adults in her life ignited.
"She was drowning in grief. Her relationship with Sokka was never the same. I suspect she suffered heavily from postpartum depression after me and him. But with Su, it was different. She wanted her and saw her as her last chance. That's what I think, anyway." Lin looked at her lap.
"And was that how you claim they were able to abuse you for years?"
"That's what happened."
"And when did it end?"
"It ended when he moved to the South Pole. That's when Sokka stopped being unable to deal with the guilt."
"After forcing you to perform an illegal abortion at around eleven or twelve," Tao announced.
Lin was taken aback. Uki rose from her seat to object, demanding they speak in chambers. That information was never mentioned.
only three people knew, and one of them died.
Lin leaned on Tenzin with one of the last secrets she carried. She trusted him. Her world was shattered. She swallowed a large lump in her throat, unable to breathe as she felt the chamber closing in on her. She felt surrounded by monsters from her past.
She doesn't remember anything but being engulfed in a warm and familiar pair of arms outside of the courtroom, her trembling body wracked with sobs. Desecrated once more. Xooang whispers in her ear as she struggles to catch her breath, and he decides to move her into a room as others arrive, cameras flashing with no shame or decency.
Tenzin felt his stomach turn. He couldn't believe this was happening. He had never witnessed Lin at such a low point as Xooang took her out of that room. He had never seen her cry like that, and his heart was broken having to see her reduced to tears in such a horrible way. He stayed seated in shock as the others left to check on her.
—