The sky was dark and the city quiet, save for the lights that littered the streets. Some were streetlamps and some were late-night businesses. One such example was a gym. The lights were on, but only one person was inside, a blonde girl whose blue eyes stared listlessly at the floor as her arms moved robotically. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Her biceps curled and her triceps flexed.

Her body was there, but her mind was not. The burn in her arms had nothing on the burn in her eyes. Neo was as beautiful as she was enigmatic, and Yuka loved her both ways. Strange and siren was the other blue-eyed blonde, the other American Queen, and hypnotized and head-over-heels was the transfer student from Japan. Her first crush, the purest of schoolgirl loves. For a moment I knew cosmic love…

At least until it was time to go back home, and Yuka's American Queen Consort never once tried to reach out. And seldom did she reply to messages sent by her blonde, Japanese counterpart. It had officially been exactly a year since the last DM Neo sent Yuka. It shamed her to think how deeply this wound cut, even a year out, and she could hear her unit-mates teasing, not fully understanding. They would say she was down bad.

Down bad, crying at the gym. Tears streamed down her face as she punched the bag in front of her as hard as she could. Everything comes out teenage petulance. Fuck it if I can't have this! She hit to the beat of her heart, rhythmic and raging. Neo didn't care about Yuka. Had she ever?

"I might just die, it would make no difference…" With a sigh, once her set was finished, she collapsed on her back to the soft, green, old carpet floor.

Down bad, breaking up in blood. With starry eyes and rose-colored glasses, Yuka never wanted to see anything but Neo's golden hair and red coat. But after 365 days of nothing, she was forced to face a truth she did not want to. Neo didn't like her. She always knew the American was a bit cold, but to subject Yuka to Death By A Thousand Cuts like this? Drip-feeding messages until they stopped forever? It was teenage petulance.

Staring at the sky, come back and pick me up. Yuka imagined she was at an airport. This time, Neo was coming to visit her, or to escort her back to America. In dreams, Yuka didn't just stare for the abyss, it reached back. But this wasn't a dream, at least that would come true. Maybe Neo never cared for Yuka. All along, was Yuka in love with someone who didn't exist? She resented Neo for not telling her off from Day One.

Yuka still lay on the floor. She told—begged—herself to do something, anything! Leg stretches, crunches, sit-ups, bicycle kicks! But it was as if all the energy suddenly drained out of her. Weren't gyms supposed to do the opposite? Instead, she just couldn't bring herself to get up, staring unseeingly at the buzzing, white, fluorescent lights as they shimmered and flickered above.

I might stay down bad. With a sigh, the blonde finally managed to push herself up into a sitting position, but she wrapped her arms around her knees with a glum expression as she envisioned a conversation with Neo. Oh, you were always so cold, and you left me here utterly alone. In the gym in my same old town, it somehow seems so hollow now…

She could hear her unit-mates' laughter. Shinobu would say "down bad". Esora would say she was nuts simping for a girl she knew for one schoolyear and hadn't heard from in one full year. Kyoko would be the only one polite and pitying enough not to say anything, but the pitying smile and head-tilt would be enough. That was why Neo was the one secret Yuka could never share. The others just wouldn't get it.

She would have to explain, but that was too embarrassing. Not being in love, or being in love with another girl. Just who that girl was, and how Yuka let her walk all over her. It suddenly occurred to Yuka that even if she could've flown to New York City that same night and touch down by morning, it would still feel hollow.

If Neo wasn't there, Yuka would miss and search for her. If Neo was there, well, Yuka didn't think she'd be able to contain her grief and grievances. For a moment she'd been Heaven-sent, now she was down bad, crying at her family gym. Everything came out teenage petulance.

"Fuck it if I can't have this!" I might just die, it would make no difference…

The blonde berated herself for not being able to move past her feelings for Neo, even though her brain was more than ready, identifying all of Neo's most toxic traits. Sadly, that was most of them. But stopping feelings was easier said than done. Silly as it may have sound, in a way, Yuka felt like she lost her twin. She and Neo were sun and moon, fire and ice, but Yuka loved Neo deeply.

And she still did, even knowing what a—well, Yuka didn't want to say it. What a—Neo could be. Yuka hit her head with the heels of her hands as she continued to sniffle and grit her teeth. Why couldn't she move past this? Why did she still care so much about someone who clearly didn't care about her? Why couldn't she match Neo's energy? Why did she have to be left behind in love? It hurt so much…

The girl saw herself at New York City harbor, she and Neo watching ships come and go. Just as theirs had. It did and did not set sail. She waved when she departed from Neo one last time, but Neo's back was already turned, and she never looked over her shoulder. The callousness and aggression in Neo that once attracted the wild, competitive Yuka so completely was turning into something dark, and it wasn't fun or cool now…

I loved your hostile takeovers, encounters closer and closer, all your indecent exposures. How dare you say that it's—? No. Yuka still couldn't bring herself to say it. She burned with envy at the thought of Neo getting with another, boy or girl. But Neo always strove for better, the best. That wasn't Yuka. The least she could've done was clean up the mess she made of Yuka before walking out of her life so unrepentantly!

How dare you think it's romantic, leaving me here and stranded? Ah, but Neo would never stoop to such levels as helping clean up her messes. She'd move on because Yuka was just a replaceable side-character in her saga. And finally, Yuka could admit it to herself. Or rather, she was just so broken down bad that she was too tired to get up again. Cause fuck it, I was in love. Cause Neo, cause darling, yes I was in love…

Was. Yuka stayed alone in her parents' gym for hours with only her own teenage petulance for company, not Neo's. Yet Neo was living rent-free in her mind anyway. Hmm. Maybe Yuka was still in love with Neo. Or maybe she was just…

So fuck you if I can't have us…

AN: TFW you hear a Taylor Swift song called "Down Bad" that references a gym and trying to move on from the unhappy end of a previous relationship… LOL (I know D4 didn't invent the term "Down Bad" but it's actually where I first saw it used)